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I am a Chicana who identifies as bisexual. As I grew older and tried to figure out who I was and what I wanted to do with my life I was met with many challenges. The first was my ethnicity and the way I looked. I don't fit the Hispanic stereotypes, so all my life I always felt like I didn't have the right to call myself a Chicana. The second is the expectations my culture laid out for me. My whole life I was told by my very traditional Mexican family that I would marry a man, have his kids, and stay at home to take care of all of them. But as I grew older I saw that it wasn’t the life for me, as much as I love my culture I wanted to go against the standards everyone expected me to follow. I wanted to have a career and adopt a few dogs instead. The third is being accepted for who I love, liking anything other than the opposite gender in a Hispanic household can hold consequences. I did not know if I'd be accepted or kicked out like many of the horror stories I have heard before, I just wanted them to accept that I could end up spending the rest of my life with anyone including a woman. For the longest time I dealt with these problems on my own, but after some time I came to terms with them thanks to some help from other women in my life.

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My family's house in Guadalajara, Mexico

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Just like Judith Ortiz Cofer in her book titled “The Story of My Body,” I had a hard time when it came to being a “real” Mexican. In her story, Judith describes the difficulties she had with her body; whether it was her skin color or body size she struggled with it all. I also went through a similar experience growing up. My mother's side is filled with Latinas who have light skin, dark hair, and curves in all the right places. I only inherited the light skin and I was chubby as a kid. All of my childhood I was given nicknames related to my insecurities and was constantly told that I couldn’t possibly be Mexican because of the color of my skin. Even when I went to Mexico and saw my cousins who looked just like me I still felt out of place. For a long time, I felt like I wasn’t Mexican enough and I had to prove to others and even myself that I was.

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During middle school, I realized I was attracted to women and men; I was bisexual. I found this out through a friend of mine that I was really close to at the time. At first, I thought we were just really close friends, when people would say we were basically a couple I would ignore it because all we were was friends. But as time went on I started to enjoy these comments and thought that maybe we could be something more. Eventually after a long time of debating over my feelings and trying to see what we could be I eventually started dating this friend and have been ever since. My story is very similar to the situations explained in the reading “Having a Girlfriend Without Knowing It” by Lisa M. Diamond. For the longest time, I was scared that our relationship would be seen as odd because we always told other people we only liked men. This reading showed me that I'm not the only person to feel this way about a friend and that it's more common than I realized.

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After struggling with my identity for years I was actually inspired to come to terms with everything because of the other strong women in my family. The women in my family who have given me the most support and helped me come to terms with myself were my grandmother, aunt, and mom. They all had to deal with the fear of standing up for themselves in a culture that expects women to fit one role; the caretaker. In the reading “Fear of Feminism: Why Young Women Get the Willies” by Lisa Marie Hogeland she mentions how women are scared to speak up for themselves or be considered feminists for many reasons. All three of these women in my family felt the same way, my grandma was scared she would be called out for getting a divorce, my aunt didn’t want to have kids simply to please her mother, and my mom was scared she would get judged by getting pregnant with me at such a young age. Regardless of these fears, they knew that they had to fight for what they wanted or that they would end up living unhappy lives. To this day they tell me of these hardships so I can learn and be inspired by them. They’ve all inspired me to also stand up for what I want regardless of what our family would think. So when I eventually came out to them and told them that I would go to college they were thrilled that I was following the path of my choice. I wouldn't be here creating this Padlet if it wasn't for them pushing me out of my comfort zone.

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An event I helped with that was held at my sisters school

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Even after accepting the parts of myself that I've been insecure about, I'm still not completely sure who I am and who I'll be in the next few years. But what I do know is that all the support and guidance I've gotten is something I want to do for others as well. This is why I decided to become a teacher. There are many negative things people will say about it but it's what I've decided to do. I still don't know what grade I want to teach but I'm considering middle school through high school. I even volunteered and did some events for my sister's school to get experience. The main thing I want my future students to know is that they can accept everything about themselves, they'll never feel like they aren't good enough to follow their ambitions or be outsiders because they don't fit the standard. I want to help guide the next generation to be the best version of themselves.