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Hi Alexa! I really liked you topic. IT was so unique and interesting and made me wanted to read. I also loved how you made your slides colorful. By doing that and adding different images of different drinks you can get it really added a pop. The video was also very entertaining.

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Alexa, your paragraph was full of transition words, you had 9 transition words for example some of them said, in life, to explain in more detail, additionally etc.

another thing you did well on was you sum it up was a great creative version of your theme. For example your theme was, “All action have consequences,” your sum it up was,  “no matter what people do there will be consequences later”.

Another thing you did good on because you didn’t really do bad on anything in my opinion was your claim matched your evidence for example your claim was, “all actions have consequences,” a sentence of your explanation was “all action have conisquences because when you make fun of people or things even other actions, they will have consequences”.

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Hi Lex! First  off, your word choice is really strong and I love how you explained your explanation very easily and very clearly to understand what you are explaining. In addition you extended it and made it have more explanation. You also finished your whole theme analysis as well as adding some transition words to! One wish I have for you is to read your paragraph at least 4 times before submitting because there were lots of mistakes. Overall you did amazing!!-Eva La Rosa

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Hi Lex! First  off, your word choice is really strong and I love how you explained your explanation very easily and very clearly to understand what you are explaining. In addition you extended it and made it have more explanation. You also finished your whole theme analysis as well as adding some transition words to! One wish I have for you is to read your paragraph at least 4 times before submitting because there were lots of mistakes. Overall you did amazing!!-Eva La Rosa

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I liked your word choice throughout the paragraph. I also liked the length of your paragraph. My wish: grammar.

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Hi Alexa, a strength in your piece was your evidence, it fit in extremely well with your theme, and the pixar short. Another strength in your writing piece was your claim. Your theme fit in extremely well with the short, and the claim was a great way to start off your piece. The only thing I would change is check punctuation and spelling. Overall you did an amazing job!

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Hi Alexa, A great strength in your writing was your claim because it fit your Pixar short very well. Since it included great word choice and started with a very descriptive transition word. In addition I think you provided your reader with a great source of evidence to why you chose the theme you chose. I would suggest improving your conclusion and change up the words because it sounded like your theme a bit too much.

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Hey dyslexic lex!  I really likes how both of your explanations  explained the evidence, I understood it well. I also liked you claim sentence and how it really did explain the theme of the story. One wish I do have is that maybe you couldn’t used different transition words instead of using “To explain in more detail, given the information, in life” in the whole paragraph.

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you added a lot and it is expanded. You keep using the words loved and cared for. I think you should look up different word chooses. think it added a good amount and it made sense. However, I think you could replace the word wanna and look in the word big thing.

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Hi Lex. You did so good on your Pixar Analysis! One star I have for you is that you explained all of your explanations with clear words. You made me understand what you were saying. In addition I loved the detail that you incorporated into your analysis when you explained the dog and the boys connection. However, one thing you should do is try to expand your writing a little bit further. Overall I think you did great!

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Hi Lex. You did so good on your Pixar Analysis! One star I have for you is that you explained all of your explanations with clear words. You made me understand what you were saying. In addition I loved the detail that you incorporated into your analysis when you explained the dog and the boys connection. However, one thing you should do is try to expand your writing a little bit further. Overall I think you did great!

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Hey Lex! You did really well in your piece. A strength you had that stood out to me was how much description you included in your piece. I enjoyed how much you used different words and thought about your word choice. You made everything so descriptive.  In addition, I liked how you made sure the reader stayed hooked into the short story. When you did this you made me want to keep reading. I really liked how you did this. However, a suggestion I have for you is to make sure you are reading through your story multiple times because at pints it could get confusing.

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Hi Cerchio. In your essay “A Later Start Time For More Sleep” I liked how you gave many examples and answered the questions you put. I also liked how you proved to people that kids need more sleep. Overall I think you did very good.

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hi alexa I think you have a  good and powerful anecdote it was very detailed.

Another thing it think you did good on was your introduction.

Something you could work on is your spelling/ grammar. Overall I think you did

Great.

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Hey cheerio! A strength in your essay was all the anecdotes in Your explanation . I also liked how you made a unique sum it up question. Something I suggest if for you to use more like unique words.

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Hi lex! A strength of your essay, “A Later Start Time For More Sleep,” is the questions you included in your intro paragraph. As your story beautifully goes on, the three questions really stand out to me because they are very creative and detailed enough to make me ally think as a reader. In addition, I thought your first Cees paragraph was fantastic! The part in the explanation where you have to make a scenario that can be real is really good! There are many details and I could picture what was going on. Something I could suggest is in your conclusion paragraph the go to the heart needs to be more emotional thought it was very good. I just thought it wasn’t in the right spot of the paragraph because I wasn’t emotional.

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Hi Lex! You have such great long paragraphs and you gave so much detail about why homework can affect kids' mental illness or health. You explained it so that the reader can understand clearly and you included lots of good words that explain your writing further. You also made great sentences that went along with the theme of you essay and what happens to kids when they have to much homework you also included lots of transition words into your essay.However I do definitely think you should expand on how it could be resolved and what we could do to help some kids that are suffering.

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Hi Lex! You have such great long paragraphs and you gave so much detail about why homework can affect kids' mental illness or health. You explained it so that the reader can understand clearly and you included lots of good words that explain your writing further. You also made great sentences that went along with the theme of you essay and what happens to kids when they have to much homework you also included lots of transition words into your essay.However I do definitely think you should expand on how it could be resolved and what we could do to help some kids that are suffering.

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Hey Lex! A strength of your essay “A later start more sleep” I thought you did well on everything. Your piece was really good but one thing stood out to me the most, your description was outstanding. I thought you made me stay hooked into your story and you made readers love your essay. This piece was amazing. Another thing I liked about your assay is you made everything in your piece stand out. Not one word was boring and everything was amazing. However, when you are editing make sure you get everything checked off on the check list!

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Hi Alexa, I really enjoyed reading the annecdotes in your piece. They were very strong, compelling, and well written, I was very impressed with them. Another strength in your piece was your introduction paragraph. It hooked me and made me want to read more on your topic. The only wish that I would have for your piece would be to double check your punctuation, and spelling. But overall amazing job.

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Hey Alexa, I think that your steal was very strong and you had great figurative language.
I also think that your description was very good which made it easy to picture the moments In your story as i read on.
In addition i thought that your hook was also great and you really tried ur best work on it I think that you also had interesting way to start your hook as well.
I do think though that your figurative language was a bit not developed But i think overall you had a easy understating storey.

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Great job lex! I thought your memoir was great! I love how you emphasized where your shoes were taking you. I think this is a great way to get your reader to understand where the shoes were taking you! You did a great job showing that when you called for someone to help you no one answered. In addition I thought that your word choice was also great. You included lots of figurative language and you made me understand your story. It made me feel like I was there with you at the moment! However I think you could extend your memoir just a little so that we could get you to know more about your story so that we have a better understanding of who is in your story and what are they doing. Also this is Eva L.

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Great job lex! I thought your memoir was great! I love how you emphasized where your shoes were taking you. I think this is a great way to get your reader to understand where the shoes were taking you! You did a great job showing that when you called for someone to help you no one answered. In addition I thought that your word choice was also great. You included lots of figurative language and you made me understand your story. It made me feel like I was there with you at the moment! However I think you could extend your memoir just a little so that we could get you to know more about your story so that we have a better understanding of who is in your story and what are they doing. Also this is Eva L.

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My favorite part of your memoir was your inner thoughts, they taught me a lot about your character, and her struggles. I also really liked your descriptions of the journey that they were going on. It made me feel like I was going on that journey too so your description was really on point. My only wish was that you checked your spelling and indents. Other than that it was a really great story, that made me feel like I was in the main character's shoes.

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The strength of your story “the runaway” I really liked all of your figurative language.  You really made me feel in the story. I felt like I was running away. It was just like the time when we played manhunt together with our friends. We were all running away. In addition I really liked how you made your ending. It was a great ending with a good description. I could tell you worked hard on your story. You really did not have any wish in your story because it was perfect.

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I absolutely loved your memoir. I loved the emotion, and figurative language you put into your piece.

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I enjoyed reading your story it was great to read A strength of your memoir is how you reflected back on a meaningful  moment in you life and wrote it very descriptively I also liked the way that you incorporated many descriptive parts that included lots of figurative language. I completely agree that this had many thoughts and included great interesting thoughts that really made it a great memoir to read and picture and I also think that you had a strong ending to your memoir that really brought it together.

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Something i liked about your story was all the inner thought.I liked how you said what you felt when the sting ray came near you. I also really liked how you ended your story. I think that you could’ve worked on adding some more difficult figurative language.

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I liked the way you described your feelings at that moment. One of all the favorite parts of your memoir was when you noticed that the Stingray was coming to you and you tried to swim but you couldn’t move. In addition, I liked the way you told the readers what you were thinking but you didn’t have any reaction to it because you were so focused on the Stingray coming to you. Because of your figurative language it makes me feel like I was you in that moment and how scared you were. However, a think a good suggestion you should do in your memoir is by adding more details about the Stingray like how big you think it was, but I love it, it’s one of my favorites

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I like how you put a lot of detail into the the parts that you where scared like when you said ‘’ At that moment i saw a large sea animal swimming towards me.it was big a was flapping around.i was trying to figure out what it was but it was hard to see because it was far away from me.’’ I like how you described the animal as it was coming closer to you.i also like how you put what you where thinking when the people where looking at you’’why are they looking at me?am i doing something?i don’t know why they are looking at me!. I really like that.i wish you put more details when the stingray was swimming away from you and your sister

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I absolutely love your story. I thought you did a wonderful job! A strength of your memoir

“The stingray” is the way you described character details.It felt like I was with you in that moment the way you described charter details so detailed.One of my favorite lines was  “ My lips were starting to turn purple and blue and I was shivering. My hands were turning wrinkly….”. It really was a good description for the reader to know how you physically felt.I like your inner thoughts because I felt I was you  that moment thinking those things! Beautiful inner thoughts!!! However,a suggestion I can offer for improvement is to give more descriptions on the environment/setting, not character details. You did amazing doing that.I am just left off wondering what the setting/environment looked like!

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I think you did really well. You wrote a good amount and I really] liked it. A strength of your memoir was your discretion. I liked how discriptiv you were. I also thought your figurative language was really good. I liked your inner thoughts too. I think you were really good at adding describing words, and adding personification.

I think you could have added a little bit more detail to make the piece longer but overall it was really good.

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A strength in your memoir was that you were so detailed with what you said and how you put it. You elaborated what you said and you made your peace sound very nice. I loved that you really described that you were scared and you started to panic and didn’t know what to do. Another thing that I thought you did amazing on was when you really described the setting around you and that you started the story calmly and then you got the reader's heart racing in the end. You used your emotions to tell the story and you did great! However you could have described the stingray a little more and given in more detail and said what shape it was and what color it was. Overall you did amazing. I loved it!

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A strength in your memoir was that you were so detailed with what you said and how you put it. You elaborated what you said and you made your peace sound very nice. I loved that you really described that you were scared and you started to panic and didn’t know what to do. Another thing that I thought you did amazing on was when you really described the setting around you and that you started the story calmly and then you got the reader's heart racing in the end. You used your emotions to tell the story and you did great! However you could have described the stingray a little more and given in more detail and said what shape it was and what color it was. Overall you did amazing. I loved it!

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Your story was great! The strength of your memoir was all of the description.  Something that stood out to me was when the stingray kept getting closer.  I thought this was very descriptive

.In addition, I liked the way you described your sister's face. This stood out to me because I could picture what her face looked like. Another thing I thought you did great on was setting. I thought this because I knew how far you were out in the ocean and I knew who you were with.