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Babies feel safe when their caregiver is with them with their distress. Even at these very early stages of life, this teaches babies that it is okay to feel and express their emotions and that they can rely and trust their caregiver to support them through their distress.

When we are struggling it can feel hard to be available and present with our babies. This is why it is important for us to be able to soothe ourselves before we can start to soothe our babies.

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Babies are unique individuals with their own likes and dislikes and will all express their needs in their own ways. Over time many parents will begin to learn what their baby's cries mean and baby will learn about how their parent responds to them.

Because of this, there is no manual to tell us exactly what our baby's cries mean and it is instead we 'learn on the job'. This might feel harder or take a little longer for some parents and that's okay. The resources below and the team at Together with Baby can help you better understand your baby's communication and build a stronger connection with each other.

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We know that hearing your baby cry can feel upsetting, exhausting, and overwhelming. Research has found that a parent's stress/ cry - >info to be added<

overwhelm, co-regulation, being with skills

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It is normal to feel sad or frustrated when your baby is crying and it's expected that sometimes it will feel overwhelming. We all bring our own experiences into parenthood and there are certain aspects of parenting that will feel harder for some than others.

Working with your Together with Baby therapist can provide a space to explore why certain emotions or areas of parenting feel harder for you. For now, there are some resources below that you might find helpful for thinking about why it feels so hard to hear your baby crying.

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This video helps to explain baby behaviours and can support you to think about what your baby might be trying to tell you.

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Learning What Your Newborn Baby is Saying to You

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As the saying goes, we need to put our own oxygen masks on before helping others to put theirs on. This advice can be useful to think about with parenting. When we are struggling to care for ourselves it can feel even harder to care for another. Having a baby changes our lives in lots of ways and one of the main changes is reduced time for self-care.

However where possible it can be very beneficial to prioritise our self-care, some examples include:

Eating and sleeping well

Leaning on our support network to take some time to ourselves

Seeing friends

Doing the things we enjoy - hobbies, TV, reading, pampering

Practicing mindfulness

Being kind to yourself and remember the changes that you have gone through. If you are a birthing parent - remember the biological/hormonal changes that happen post-partum

Accessing professional support if needed

Remembering that you and your baby are learning about each other

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https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a25019365/your-baby-and-the-fourth-trimester

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Reviewed by March 2021

You've probably heard the first few months of a baby's life being called the fourth trimester. It's used to describe the transition from womb to world when a baby depends on you for love, comfort, feeding and sleep more than any other time. Here's all you need to know about the fourth timester now that you have a baby, from sleeping and comfort to crying and feeding, plus lots of advice on how to make it easier for both of you.

What is the fourth trimester?

A baby's fourth trimester starts from the moment they're born and lasts until they're three months old. The term is used to describe a period of great change and development in a newborn, as they adjust to their new world outside the womb.

You may find the term "trimester" odd, since your baby is already born. But think how much a baby still needs to develop over these next few months, from refining and developing all their senses and controlling their reflexes, to learning how to respond to you and your partner. The mental and physical strides a baby takes during their first three months are just as important to their development as those they take in the womb.

The fourth trimester is also a time for a baby to get used to the variety of noises, lights, smells, sounds and sensations of the outside world. Moving from the familiar comfort of the warm, dark and quiet womb, to a noisy, bright and often cold environment, is a major change for a baby. By offering your baby plenty of love and support in their first three months, you can make this transition easier.

Why is the fourth trimester important for a baby?

Compared with other animals that can get up and walk from birth, your newborn totally relies on you for care, attention and love (Piantadosi and Kidd 2016). At birth, a baby has only their instincts and reflexes to help them control their behaviour and movement.

At birth, a baby's senses are limited and still developing. They have sight, but their vision is blurred. They can hear, but it's difficult to pick up on individual sounds and voices. They can feel, but the reassuring and snug comfort of your womb has been replaced by disconcerting open space. The fourth trimester is a time for a baby to adapt to these changes with your help and support.

Although a baby's brain is well developed by the time they're born, their neural pathways and nervous system continue to develop after birth. Much of this takes place during their fourth trimester (Nugent et al 2007:13). A baby's brain is like a sponge, soaking up everything that happens to them. The more their brain is stimulated, the better the connections in their brain (synapses) will become (Nugent et al 2007:13).

In the first three months of life, you may notice your baby:

Breathing more steadily, startling less and developing more controlled movements.

Settling into more consistent sleep and feeding patterns.

Being able to sleep through noise or disturbances.

Learning to soothe themself or crying out for your attention to comfort them.

Improving their social skills, so they can interact with family and friends, objects or music with greater attention and for longer periods of time (Nugent et al 2007).

By the end of your baby's fourth trimester, you'll have watched a remarkable physical, mental and social transformation in them.
How will my baby develop in the fourth trimester?
Crying
A baby is likely to cry more during their fourth trimester than at any other time in their life (Nugent et al 2007). Knowing that this is completely normal can help you to cope with the inevitable worry and anxiety that a crying baby brings (Nugent et al 2007, St James-Roberts 2008). Crying tends to peak at around five weeks to six weeks and usually eases off by the time your baby reaches three months old (St James-Roberts 2008).

A newborn is too young to have a fixed routine, and probably won't be ready for one until they're around three months. Until then it's fine to feed or soothe your baby as soon as they cry. Contrary to what you may have heard from older relatives, this won't spoil a baby. In fact, it will help them to feel more secure, so they may even cry less (Unicef 2014).

Sleeping

A newborn is going to sleep a lot, especially in the early weeks. Sleeping is good for your baby, as it helps their brain to process all that wonderful sensory stimulation they're receiving from you and your partner, while they're awake (Nugent et al 2007:73).

However, it may take a little while for your baby to settle into a sleeping routine. Coming from the constant environment of your womb, your baby has no concept of day or night yet. It will take weeks, perhaps months, for them to adjust their sleeping patterns to sleeping more hours at night (Nugent et al 2007: 73). So for now, let your newborn sleep whenever they like, around the clock.

Although it may seem odd, putting your baby down to sleep during the day in a noisy, bright environment is fine. It's likely that they'll be able to shut out this stimulation and just drift off, although not all babies can do this (Nugent et al 2007:71-2; 157). You'll soon see what works best for your baby.

Feeding

As a newborn, a baby has a small stomach, so needs feeding little and often, with at least eight feeds every 24 hours (NHS 2016a).

As you get to know your baby, you'll begin to understand the little cues and signals they make that tell you they're hungry. It's easy to assume that crying is the first sign that they're hungry, but it can be the last. Early signs to look out for include sucking on their fingers, turning their head and opening their mouth.

Picking up on these signs is useful for you both. If your baby reaches the point of crying, they may be too upset to latch on properly or settle down for a feed (Queensland Health 2012, Unicef 2015b).

A newborn is too young for a feeding routine. Feeding your baby on demand, whether they're breastfed or bottle-fed, will help to soothe and reassure them that they're well looked after. If you're breastfeeding, this will also help to match your milk supply to your baby's needs.

Mealtimes aren't just about feeding of course. Feeding time is also a great opportunity to sit down with your baby and have a cuddle, some eye contact, or even enjoy skin-to-skin. Your baby will love these reassuring signs that you're focused on their every need.

Senses

Although many of a baby's senses are well-developed at birth, they continue to improve throughout their fourth trimester.

Their sight develops most rapidly in the first three months of life (Lowth 2016). By their second month to third month, their vision won't be so blurry and they'll be able to tell the difference between objects. By around eight weeks to nine weeks old, their vision will almost be the same as an adult's (Horwood and Riddell 2013).

Look out for signs that your baby is alert, ready and willing to look at things, but also signs that they're becoming overwhelmed, such as turning away or breaking eye contact (Nugent et al 2007).

A baby is born with the ability to smell and taste. They'll recognise and be comforted by your familiar scent as soon as they emerge from the womb (Nishitani et al 2009, Nugent et al 2007, Sullivan et al 2011). This familiarity with your smell is what drives them to turn their head and bob about for your nipple, trying to find their first feed (Nugent et al 2007, Sullivan et al 2011).

A baby can hear when they're still in the womb and your newborn will have already learned to recognise the sound of your voice. You may notice them turning their head when you or your partner speak (Nugent et al 2007, PHE 2013). They'll enjoy listening to you talking and will feel soothed and comforted by familiar sounds and voices (ICAN 2011). By the time they reach three months, your baby may even be starting to make sounds of their own to get your attention (ICAN 2011).

In the womb, a baby is constantly "held" by amniotic fluid. They may find it upsetting to be thrust into a world where they're expected to lie down on their own sometimes. Regular skin-to-skin with your baby can help to stimulate their sense of touch, soothe fussiness and ease crying, stabilise their heart rate and improve breastfeeding. Babywearing (carrying your baby about in a sling or baby carrier) can mimic the gentle movement your baby felt in the womb and swaddling may help them to feel more secure and snug.

Physical development

At birth, a baby is almost entirely physically helpless. Your baby has some instinctive responses and reflexes and are able to move their head about to root for your breast (Kaneshiro 2013, Nugent 2007: 90-1).

Giving your baby daily tummy time can help them to develop physically. By the time they're three months old, they may be able to push themselves up on their forearms, raise their head and even keep it in position for a few moments (Nugent et al 2007: 90-1). Tummy time helps to encourage a baby's movement and build strength, so you can start soon after their birth.

How can I soothe and support my baby through the fourth trimester?

Understanding the environment your baby lived in for nine months, can be a useful tool in helping to soothe and support them through their fourth trimester. It may also help you to cope with unexpected crying or fussiness, if you know how much your baby needs to adapt to their new world.

There are things you can do to help your baby make this transition. Some babies adapt more easily to the outside world than others, so you may find that you manage without some of these ideas, while others are more essential:

Skin-to-skin. This helps to calm and soothe your baby. They will be reassured by your warmth and your smell, and the familiar sound of your heartbeat helps to regulate their own (Beijars et al 2016, Bystrova et al 2007, Unicef 2014). Skin-to-skin also encourages your baby to latch on for breastfeeding (Moore et al 2012, Svensson et al 2013).

Feeding on demand. Giving your baby nourishment whenever they need it, whether you're breastfeeding or bottle-feeding, helps to meet their energy needs and reassures them that they're well looked after (NHS 2016a, Unicef 2015b).

Babywearing. Using a sling helps to mimic the gentle movement and snug comfort that your baby experienced in your womb. If your baby is fussy, carrying them across your chest may soothe them, as they tune into your heartbeat (Esposito et al 2015).

Swaddling. Safe swaddling creates a feeling of containment, just like your womb. It may help your baby to sleep better and soothe them if they've been crying (Van Sleuwen et al 2007). Make sure you know how to swaddle safely.

Swinging and movement. Walking around while you hold your baby may be more soothing for them than sitting down and cuddling them (Esposito et al 2015). In your womb, they were rocked and lulled by your everyday movements. Mimicking this gentle swaying and rocking may help to comfort your baby if they're crying or fussy (NHS 2016b).

Every baby is different. Not all babies like being swaddled or carried around. Your baby will soon let you know if they don't like something.
References

Beijers R, Cillessen L, Zijlmans MA. 2016. An experimental study on mother-infant skin-to-skin contact in full-terms. Infant Behav Dev 43:58-65

Bystrova K, Matthiesen AS, Vorontsov I, et al. 2007. Maternal axillar and breast temperature after giving birth: effects of delivery ward practices and relation to infant temperature. Birth 34(4):291-300

England C. 2014. Recognising the healthy baby at term through examination of the newborn screening. In: Marshall JE, Raynor MD. eds. Myles textbook for midwives 16th ed. Edinburgh: Churchill Livingstone, 591-609.

Esposito G, Setoh P, Yoshida S, et al. 2015. The calming effect of maternal carrying in different mammalian species. Front Psychol 6:445. journal.frontiersin.org [Accessed May 2016]

Horwood AM and Riddell PM. 2013. Developmental changes in the balance of disparity, blur, and looming/proximity cues to drive ocular alignment and focus. Perception 42(7):693-715. www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov [Accessed May 2016]

ICAN. 2011. Stages of speech and language development: a guide for early years practitioners. www.ican.org.uk [pdf file, accessed June 2014]

ISIS. nd a. Prevalence of bedsharing. Infant Sleep Information Source. www.isisonline.org.uk [Accessed May 2016]

ISIS. nd b. Where babies sleep: how parents bed-share. Infant Sleep Information Source. www.isisonline.org.uk [Accessed May 2016]

Kaneshiro NK. 2013. Infant reflexes. MedlinePlus. www.nlm.nih.gov [Accessed May 2016]

Lowth M. 2016. Vision testing and screening in young children. www.patient.info [Accessed May 2016]

Moore ER, Anderson GC, Bergman N, et al. 2012. Early skin-to-skin contact for mothers and their healthy newborn infants. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews (5): CD003519.www.onlinelibrary.wiley.com [Accessed May 2016]

NHS. 2015a. Bottle feeding advice. www.nhs.uk [Accessed May 2016]

NHS. 2016a. Your breastfeeding questions answered. www.nhs.uk [Accessed May 2016]

NHS. 2016b. Soothing a crying baby. NHS Choices, Health A-Z. www.nhs.uk [Accessed May 2016]

Nishitani S, Miyamura T, Tagawa M, et al. 2009. The calming effect of a maternal breast milk odor on the human newborn infant. Neurosci Res 63(1):66-71

Nugent JK, Keefer CH, Minear S, et al. 2007. Understanding newborn behaviour and early relationships: the newborn behavioral observations (NBO) system handbook. Baltimore: PH Brookes Publishing Co.

Ockwell-Smith S. 2012. The fourth trimester - AKA why your newborn baby is only happy in your arms. www.sarahockwell-smith.com [Accessed April 2016]

Ockwell-Smith S. 2016. The Fourth Trimester - Why Newborns Hate Being Put Down. www.huffingtonpost.co.uk [Accessed May 2016]

PHE. 2013. NHS Screening Programmes. Newborn hearing: reaction to sounds checklist. Public Health England. www.gov.uk [Accessed May 2016]

Piantadosi ST, Kidd C. 2016. Extraordinary intelligence and the care of infants. PNAS. Online first: 23 May.

Queensland Health. 2012. Baby feeding cues (signs). Queensland Government. www.health.qld.gov.au [Accessed May 2016]

St James-Roberts. 2008. Infant crying and sleeping: helping parents to prevent and manage problems. Prim Care 35(3):547-67. www.eprints.ioe.ac.uk [Accessed May 2016]

Sullivan R, Perry R, Sloan A, et al. 2011. Infant bonding and attachment to the caregiver: Insights from basic and clinical science. Clin Perinatol 38(4): 643-655 www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov [Accessed May 2016]

Svensson KE, Velandia MI, Matthiesen AS et al. 2013. Effects of mother-infant skin-to-skin contact on severe latch-on problems in older infants: a randomized trial. Int Breastfeed J. Mar 11;8(1):1. www.internationalbreastfeedingjournal.biomedcentral.com [Accessed May 2016]

Unicef. 2014. Building a happy baby. www.unicef.org.uk [Accessed May 2016]

Unicef. 2015b. Insert from the Baby Friendly Initiative: infant feeding and relationships. www.unicef.org.uk [Accessed May 2015]

Van Sleuwen BE, Engelberts AC, Boere-Boonekamp MM, et al. 2007. Swaddling: a systematic review. Pediatrics 120(4):e1097-106. doc.utwente.nl [Accessed May 2016]

Joanne Lewsley is a freelance copywriter and editor, and specialises in creating evidence-based parenting, health and lifestyle web content.

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Reviewed by March 2021 You've probably heard the first few months of a baby's life being called the fourth trimester. It's used to describe the transition from womb to world when a baby depends on you for love, comfort, feeding and sleep more than any other time.

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This page has been designed to help normalise how difficult it can be as a parent to be with a crying baby and hopefully offer some useful tips.

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If you are worried that there could be a health concern causing your baby to cry you can contact your midwife, health visitor, or GP who can support you.

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One of the main ways a baby communicates is through crying. Their cries are a way of telling their caregiver that they need something. This is otherwise known as 'cues'.

A baby's needs may be physical, for example telling you that they are hungry, wet, tired, or something physically is wrong e.g. upset tummy, etc. Or they may be emotional and social, such as a need for comfort, interaction, or mental stimulation etc.

Below are a list of needs which might be helpful to consider (but this list is not exhaustive)

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Here are some tips for looking after yourself in the present moment when your baby is crying:

Ensure baby is in a safe spot and have a short break away, get fresh air, count to ten, have a sip of water, etc

Take slow, deep breaths

Use positive affirmations - "I can handle this" or another which feels good for you

Use grounding techniques when feeling overwhelmed (5-4-3-2-1 & butterfly hug - see below)

Remind yourself that the crying will stop

Remember that the feelings you are having will pass

Remember that your baby loves you and you are doing your best

Try to access and accept the support around you

Be kind to yourself

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When our baby is crying and expressing their needs it can activate difficult feelings within us as parents. This video explains the idea of "shark music" and how we can manage when faced with those difficult feelings.

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Hungry

Tired

Wet nappy

Pain / discomfort

Constipated

Wind

Reflux

Too hot / too cold

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Affection and comfort - kisses/ cuddles/ touch

Connection and interaction - seeing caregivers face/ hearing their voice/ receiving joy and delight

A sense of safety in their environment

Gentle sensory input from the world

Finished with playtime

Wanting more playtime

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Cry-sis are a charitable organisation set up originally by a group of mums to support other mums that are struggling with their baby's cries.

The cry-sis website has various helpful resources and ways to connect with peer support. They also have a helpline that you can call on 0800 448 0737, available 7 days a week 9am-10pm

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Who we are

In 1981 a small group of parents, who were experiencing problems with their crying and sleepless babies, set up a support group. They discovered how important support is and how reassuring it can be to talk to someone. Today that support group has become Cry-sis, the only UK charity offering help and support to parents with babies who cry excessively or have sleeping problems. From modest beginnings Cry-sis has become a well-respected national charity which:

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Support For Crying And Sleepless Babies | Cry-sis

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Cry-sis, the only UK charity offering help and support to parents with babies who cry excessively or have sleeping problems. Call the helpline now...

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The Wonder Weeks: Developmental Stages/ Leaps

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The Wonder Weeks: Developmental Stages/ Leaps

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The wonder weeks website outlines the developmental/ growth leaps that babies experience and can be helpful to understand why your baby might be particularly unsettled at certain time points

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All 10 Leaps - What are the 10 Mental Leaps? - The Wonder Weeks

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All babies go though the same changes in the mental development at the same time. This is called a mental leap. In al 10 leaps your baby learn new things.

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Thinking about your baby's transition from being in the womb to being in the world can be helpful for understanding their cries. Your baby is learning all about their new environment and how you as their caregiver can meet their needs.

Each day they are finding out how to attach, survive, and adapt to their new world. Your baby is learning as much about your behaviour and responses to them as you are about theirs!

In the womb babies have all their needs met with minimal effort. For example, babies in the womb are:

Fed without effort

Constantly connected to their caregiver

In a warm & cosy environment

Protected from harsh loud sounds as they are muffled

Protected from harsh bright lights as they are in darkness

Soothed by their mothers' movements and the amniotic fluid which feels nice against skin

In an environment that is largely consistent and predictable

How might it feel coming into the world after being in the womb?

Our environment is very different and babies will be exposed to lots of new sensory and social input. From the moment they are born, babies need to learn about their new environment to build a sense of safety and ensure their needs are met.

Some example of new experiences are:

The brightness of lights

Loud sounds

New faces and voices

New sensations - clothing, materials, people's hands, gravity

Stretching limbs out

Needing to signal their needs to their caregiver and learning what responses they will get

Can you think of any more?

This critical period for the baby can sometimes be referred to as the 'fourth trimester'. Look at the next section about crying in the first few months of life to find out more.

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When we are experiencing heightened anxiety it can be difficult to remain in the present moment. One way to manage this is through using 'grounding techniques' that pay attention to your senses in the present moment. Try this sensory grounding technique.

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ICON's message:

I – Infant crying is normal

C –Comforting methods can help

O – It’s OK to walk away

N – Never, ever shake a baby

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Babies cry, you can cope When babies cry it can be stressful and overwhelming. Help is out there and all you need to do is ask. Latest news Testimonials

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Being in public with a crying baby can activate worries about drawing attention to ourselves, disturbing others, feeling like others think we are a bad parent.

How can we challenge this? What might other people actually think? What would you say to a friend who is struggling with their baby's cries?

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It is expected that at times you will feel frustrated when your baby is crying. If feeling this way it can be best to put them in a safe place/ with a person you trust and take a few moments away to ease some of your frustration. In some cases a parent's frustration has led to shaking their baby, which can cause lifelong injuries and even death. The ICON website explains what shaken baby syndrome is.

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Click on the N to download the ICON leaflet.

Never, ever shake or hurt a baby. It can cause lasting brain damage or death. If you are worried that your baby is unwell contact your GP or call NHS 111. Parents and people looking after babies can sometimes get so angry and frustrated with a baby's cry, they lose control and shake their baby - which is highly dangerous, leading to lifelong injuries and potentially death. Check that caregivers understand about how to cope with crying before leaving their baby with them.

Studies show that a key trigger to a baby being shaken is the caregiver's inability to stop an infant crying and link between normal age of Peak Crying around 6 weeks to 3 months: * 24 out of 100, 000 hospital admissions for babies are due to abusive head trauma/ 200 children are killed or hurt annually in the UK / These figures are likely to be a significant underestimate as may not be recorded as abuse but considered accidental or milder cases may not present to hospital
(Barlow and Minns 2000, cited by NSPCC)
* Human and Emotional cost for parents and families who have lost a child
* Hospitalisation including medical equipment and care
* Long term health and educational needs
* Psychological care for parents and family members losing a child
* Legal and criminal proceedings
* AHT can be preventable with multi-agency public health approach.
* Caregivers lose control and shake - baby stops crying

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Click on the N to download the ICON leaflet. Never, ever shake or hurt a baby. It can cause lasting brain damage or death. If you are worried that your baby is unwell contact your GP or call NHS 111.

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A short and gentle way to ground and soothe yourself

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How to stay calm when your baby won't stop crying

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How to stay calm when your baby won't stop crying

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A link to a blog with tips on how to stay calm with a crying baby

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Some babies cry more than others for reasons we don't fully understand. This doesn't mean that you are doing anything wrong as a parent or that your baby doesn't like you! Many parents have to cope with babies who cry a lot in the early months of life. If you have found yourself bouncing, patting, humming, or soothing a fussy baby, you are not alone!

It's normal to feel stressed when babies cry.

A crying baby can rattle even the most level-headed person. Why? It has to do with the way our brains are wired. We feel a sense of urgency when babies cry. It's almost like a fire alarm goes off in our brains. This is nature's way of making sure we do our jobs: respond to our babies' needs and take care of them! But what if we've done all we can to help, and the crying doesn't stop? Here's what might happen for you as your baby continues to cry:

The "thinking" part of your brain shuts down, affecting your ability to be calm and think logically.

Your reactions may be panicked, meaning that you feel out of control and are not thinking clearly.

You may find it difficult to calm yourself down and regulate your own feelings and reactions.

Babies tune into our feelings and reactions.

For better or worse, a baby tends to "tune in" to her caregivers' emotional state. This means that just when babies need us to be at our calmest so we can help calm them, we are often feeling stressed, frustrated and wound up! Our arms and shoulders are tense, and our facial expressions also may show the stress. A caregiver's stress can add to the baby's stress and intensify her fussiness.

Calming yourself is job number one.

The first trick to calming your baby is to recognize that you yourself are anything but calm. Take a moment to name how you are feeling (frustrated, angry, sad, rejected, etc.). After that crucial first step, here are some additional strategies that may help:

Put your baby down in a safe place (like a crib) and take a break. Give yourself the gift of a few minutes to calm down and attend to your own needs. It's just like when you're on a plane and the flight attendant tells you to put on your own oxygen mask first before assisting your child. Make time throughout the day to feed yourself, drink enough water, shower, get some exercise, or call a friend. This kind of self-care will help you stay calm and self-regulated. When you are in a calmer state of mind, you are better able to help your baby.

Try taking deep, even breaths. People often breathe shallowly when stressed, so changing your breathing actually helps you feel calmer. Deep, even breathing sends the message to your nervous system that you are safe, which helps your body start to regulate. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Try counting to 10, or putting your hand on your stomach as you breathe to make sure you're taking deep breaths.

Sleep. Not surprisingly, parents who report having a baby who cries a lot also tend to report being exhausted. Often, this exhaustion can't be relieved by just one good night of sleep. Talk to your baby's health care provider, or your own, if you are experiencing feelings of being overwhelmed, sad, depressed, or unable to care for your baby. New parents need and deserve support.

Remember that your baby loves you, but is having a tough time right now. Sometimes babies cry or are fussy for reasons we just can't figure out. But this fussiness is no reflection on your baby's feelings for you! Your baby loves you and is doing the best she can right now. So, take breaks when you can, ask for help when you need it, and consult with your health care provider if your baby's fussiness causes concern.

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How to Stay Calm When Baby Won't Stop Crying

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All parents have been there. You've tried feeding, burping, and changing his diaper. You checked for fever. You even checked to see if his socks are too tight! Could it be gas? Is he too hot or too cold? Maybe he's teething. Regardless, you've tried everything you can think of and now you're starting to stress.

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The web-page is helpful for thinking about when we might want to seek further support with our baby's cries. The NCT website has lots of other useful resources for babies generally!

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The trouble is, every parent and baby is different and so normal can be hard to define. A 2017 review of studies from around the world found:

On average, babies cry for around two hours a day in the first six weeks.

Crying decreases from eight to nine weeks to around one hour at 10 to 12 weeks.

Danish and Japanese babies cry significantly less than babies in the UK. (Wolke et al, 2017)

Some babies cry very little for the first two weeks of their lives because they are still sleepy and adapting to life outside the womb. As they start to become more awake and alert, they might start to cry more, letting you know what they need.

Is this really normal?

If you feel like your baby cries a lot, for a long time, and you find it hard to soothe them, you're far from alone. In fact, between two in ten and five in ten babies cry for long stretches, without an obvious reason, during the first three to four months (Wolke et al, 2017).

Long stretches of crying can start when your little one is around two weeks old and continue until they reach three to four months. Inconsolable crying that can last up to five hours a day is a perfectly normal stage of development called the period of PURPLE crying. PURPLE is not about the colour - it's short for: Peak of crying; Unexpected; Resists soothing; Pain-like face; Long lasting; and Evening (NCSBS, no date).

Will things get better?

Any crying can be tough to cope with. The good news is that as you become more confident with your baby and they become more familiar with the world around them, you both start to relax and feel less distressed.

When your baby is eight to nine weeks old, you might notice they start to cry a little less. In fact, babies aged 10 to 12 weeks tend to cry on average for around an hour per day. This still sounds like a lot, but in fact this is about half the amount they cried as newborns up until the six-week mark (St James-Roberts, 2013; Wolke et al, 2017).

Katie*, a mum of two, shared her experience of excessive crying with her second baby:

"Max was so chilled out for the first two weeks. We even booked a last-minute holiday thinking how easy it would be.

"I spent every evening on that holiday pacing around the hotel with him screaming. We tried reflux medication, cranial osteopathy, you name it...but he just gradually calmed down given time.

"Around 12 weeks was the real turning point for us and now those nights of crying are a distant memory, thankfully."

Why is my baby crying so much?

You can find lots of information on the causes of excessive crying and how to soothe your baby on our website. From coping with a crying baby to reflux.

If your baby's cry doesn't sound like their normal cry, or they have other symptoms, this could be a sign they are ill. Contact your GP or NHS 111 if you are concerned that your baby is unwell.

Getting support

Listening to your baby cry can be really tough and soothing them is hard work. Having support from family or friends, especially in the first six to eight weeks, will help you cope. Cuddling the baby, making you dinner, tidying the house - accept any help you can get.

Many parents find it is useful to get support from fellow parents, so you can share hints and tips and offer moral support. Perhaps check out your local NCT branch to see what activities are on offer to local parents.

If your baby's crying is making you feel very overwhelmed or angry, put them down in a safe place such as their cot or pram and go into a separate room. Take five minutes to calm down, taking deep breaths, before returning to your baby. Tell someone immediately that you feel like this, and don't be ashamed of these feelings. You might find it useful to read our article about coping with a crying baby.

Further information

Our support line offers practical and emotional support with feeding your baby and general enquiries for parents, members and volunteers: 0333 252 5051.

You might find attending one of our NCT New Baby groups helpful as they give you the opportunity to explore different approaches to important parenting issues with a qualified group leader and other new parents in your area.

Make friends with other parents-to-be and new parents in your local area for support and friendship by seeing what NCT activities are happening nearby.

Watch our coping with crying film.

Understanding Childhood also have a range of resources available online and to download, developed by child psychotherapists, including a leaflet on crying.

There's also useful information on soothing a crying baby on the NHS website.

The NSPCC helpline provides help and support to thousands of parents and families.

The Lullaby Trust has lots of useful information and support for parents about safe sleep.

Read more on how to keep calm with a crying baby here.

You can also speak to your midwife, health visitor or GP.

NCSBS. (no date) What is the period of PURPLE crying? Available at: http://www.purplecrying.info/what-is-the-period-of-purple-crying.php [Accessed 18th April 2022]

St James-Roberts I. (2013) Emergence of a developmental explanation for prolonged crying in 1- to 4-month-old infants: review of the evidence. J Pediatr Gastroenterol Nutr. 57(Suppl 1): S30-S36. Available at: http://doi.org/10.1097/01.mpg.0000441932.07469.1b

Wolke D, Bilgin A, Samara M. (2017) Systematic review and meta-analysis: fussing and crying durations and prevalence of colic in infants. J Pediatr.185:55-61.e4. Available at: https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpeds.2017.02.020

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How much crying is normal for a baby? | Baby & toddler articles & support | NCT

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Do you wonder whether your baby cries too much? It's useful to know what's 'normal' so here we discuss how much crying you might expect.

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Here is a plan made by the charity ICON that you can personalise and use to guide you when your baby's cries feel overwhelming

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This information page has been created by Together with Baby. We are Essex's Parent-Infant Mental Health Service. If you have any questions about the content on this page or would like to discuss our support, please contact us on 01621 866900. Click on the link here to return to the main platform.

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The Period of PURPLE Crying is a new way to help parents understand this time in their baby's life, which is a normal part of every infant's development.

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Adam Miconi, Ryan Steinbeigle, National Center on Shaken Baby syndrome, Period of PURPLE Crying

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The Period of PURPLE Crying is the phrase used to describe the time in a baby's life when they cry more than any other time.

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Colic is a condition where babies cry for long periods but with no obvious cause. Some believe it can be linked to digestive difficulties such as reflux or cows milk allergy. Colic is very common and often resolves when baby is around 3-4 months old.

If you have concerns please contact your health visitor / other medical professional who can advise you on this. Attached here is the NHS guidance for colic.

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Find out about colic, including what the symptoms are, what you can do to help soothe your baby, and when to get medical help.

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If you're breastfeeding, let your baby suckle at your breast.

Having some gentle noise in the background may help distract your baby.

Some older babies like to use a bit of cloth or a blanket as a comforter.

Hold your baby or put them in a sling so they're close to you. Move about gently, sway and dance, talk to them and sing.

Rock your baby backwards and forwards in the pram, or go out for a walk or a drive. But limit how long your baby sleeps in a car seat to up to 30 minutes for newborns and up to 2 hours for babies. Even if they wake up again when you stop, at least you'll have had a break.

Find something for them to listen to or look at. This could be music on the radio, a CD, a rattle, or a mobile above the cot.

Try stroking your baby's back firmly and rhythmically, holding them against you or lying face downwards on your lap.

Baby massage - undress your baby and massage them gently and firmly. Avoid using any oils or lotions until your baby's at least a month old. Talk soothingly as you do it and keep the room warm enough. Some health centres and clinics run baby massage courses. For information, ask your midwife or health visitor.

Try a warm bath. This calms some babies instantly, but makes others cry even more.

Sometimes too much rocking and singing can keep your baby awake. You might find lying them down after a feed will help.

Change the environment/ temperature - go for a walk/step outside

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How to cope and keep calm with a crying baby | Baby & toddler articles & support | NCT

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Keeping calm with a screaming baby is easier said than done. Tensions and emotions run high during those first few days, weeks and months. 

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As your baby becomes a toddler, their crying and emotional expressions may become more physical and feel harder to manage.

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HALT technique - why is my toddler crying?

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HALT technique - why is my toddler crying?

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Hungry?

Angry?

Lonely?

Tired?

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As your toddler's vocabulary increases, they may be able to describe how they feel. As with infants, a toddler's cries usually mean they are upset or need something, just stay close, and once you know they are not in pain or unwell try distracting them by playing or going outside, and do not feel guilty asking for some help.