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Hey, and your country is safe?

- Very safe. I'm sure they rob you, cheat you or kidnap you ...

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Teacher:   Today we’re going to talk about tenses. Now, if I say “I am beautiful,”   which tense is it?    Jhon:  It is obviously the past tense!

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A man goes to the doctor and says: 'Doctor I've got a problem, I've got two personalities.'
The doctor answers: 'Be quiet, sit down and let's talk all four of us.'

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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal". The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan". Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What do you call a pile of cats?
- A meowtain.

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A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"

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Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him...

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-Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
*His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
-Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."

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hi guys two heads are better more that one

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The doctor to the patient: 'You are very sick'
The patient to the doctor: 'Can I get a second opinion?'
The doctor again: 'Yes, you are very ugly too...'