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Be clear and concise with your expectations.

Use positive reinforcement with clear and related consequences.

Always listen to your students with empathy.

Be purposeful with your language and physical proximity.

Use trauma-informed practices when possible.

Seek professional development to support your students and grow your toolkit!

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Positive Reinforcement Quote from our ABA

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Positive Reinforcement Quote from our ABA

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"Where the reinforcement goes, the behavior flows."

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The four main functions of behavior include:

1. Escape or delay. The child wants to get away from a situation they don’t like or avoid a task they don’t want to do (homework).

2. Access to tangibles. The child wants a specific item (candy or a toy) or activity (access to an iPad).

3. Need for attention. The child wants attention, usually from a parent or teacher, any attention will do, whether it’s positive or negative.

4. Sensory stimulation. The child does something because it feels good, provides comfort, relieves pain, helps them expend energy, or calms them down. The behavior could be aimed at getting desirable stimulation, or to stop stimulation that feels bad.

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Tantrums, whining, hitting...all kids act out sometimes. And when they do, parents are left wondering how to get them to just stop it and behave!

The key to helping kids change problem behaviors is understanding what's driving them in the first place. To do that, some experts use a strategy called Functional Behavior Analysis. FBA is used in therapy for kids on the autism spectrum, and to help kids whose behavior problems in school are interfering with learning. But with a little preparation, parents can use it to help kids at home, too.

The four functions of behavior

In Functional Behavior Analysis, the function refers to the motivation or purpose behind a child's behavior. But that function isn't always obvious, and behaviors can have more than one function, explains Stephanie Lee, PsyD, a clinical psychologist. Parents, she says, often have to do some detective work, by thinking through what happened before and after the tantrum or outburst, to figure out what's actually driving the behavior.

There are four functions of behavior in FBA:

Escape or delay

Access to tangibles

Need for attention

Sensory stimulation

Understanding them - and how they inform the techniques experts use to change difficult behaviors - can help you help your child curb problem behaviors more effectively.

The child wants to get away from a situation they don't like or avoid a task they don't want to do.

Escape and delay is a big motivator of behavior. Kids have to do A LOT of things they don't want to do (see eating vegetables, cleaning up, doing homework...). And, when kids don't want to do something, they're likely to behave poorly to get out of it, especially if acting up has worked for them in the past.

For example, Dr. Lee says, "I once observed a boy who regularly kicked a girl at school. Eventually I recognized that every time a math lesson began, he'd kick the girl next to him then look at the door." The boy, she explains, was getting in trouble intentionally. "He was waiting for the principal to come get him, and by the time he went back to class, math was over."
How to change escape or delay behaviors:

Reward kids for appropriate behavior by reducing the demands. For example, if they immediately come to the table without complaint, they only have to eat half of their Brussels sprouts. Offering rewards that allow them do less of the thing they're trying to avoid can help reduce stress and incentivize good behaviors.

Let them know that escape is not an option. Give your child advanced warning of when something must be done. You can even set a timer. When it's time to do the thing, there is no arguing or negotiating - it will happen, even if you need to assist them in the task. For example, if they refuse to put on their coat, you'll put it on for them.

Praise them when they do what they're asked without a fuss. Positive attention for even small, simple tasks like putting away their shoes or turning the TV off the first time they're asked will encourage that behavior.

The child wants a specific item (candy or a toy) or activity (access to their iPad).

A tangible could be a treat, the toy their sibling is playing with, or time on an iPad. Sometimes the tangible is obvious; other times it's not. For example, a child who keeps asking for things at the grocery store. "Mom, can we buy this?" "Can we buy that?" The badgering goes on until the frustrated parent offers their phone as a distraction. Sound familiar? It's obvious the child wants something, but it's likely the end goal is access to the phone rather than an extra bag of cookies.

Likewise, Dr. Lee recalls a parent telling her that after a tantrum over ice cream, they gave their child peanuts because they didn't want them to go to bed hungry. In situations like this, she points out that the real tangible may actually be the peanuts, not the ice cream.
How to change behaviors when kids are seeking access to a tangible:

Create a contract. Prevent poor behaviors tangibles by being proactive, not reactive. For example, before heading into the grocery store, make a deal with your child: If they don't ask for anything while you're in the store, you'll buy them a cookie before you leave.

Remove the tangible from the environment. Hiding tangibles can help. For example, kids will be more upset about an iPad they're not allowed to use if it's sitting right there on the kitchen counter. The same goes for your phone. If your child cannot play with it, then, as much as possible, be careful not use it in front of them.

Let them know when they can, and can't, have access to the tangible. If your child is allowed 30 minutes of iPad time when they get home from school, set a timer to let them know how much time they have. When the timer goes off, remind them of the next time they'll have access to the iPad and for how long. Visual schedules can also help children understand that the item isn't going away forever, it's just for right now.

The child wants attention, usually from a parent or teacher - and any attention will do, even getting yelled at.

When kids act out, Dr. Lee says, "they don't actually care if the attention they get is positive or negative, they just want their attention big, bold, and immediate." It's about the duration, proximity, and intensity, she says. Because of this, kids often act in a way that's likely to get them the most attention, even if that means getting in trouble.

For example, a student who's quietly working at their desk might receive mild praise from the teacher. The praise probably won't be for very long or very enthusiastic, and the teacher might be several desks away. But, if that same kid throws their pencil, it's likely that the teacher will come over immediately and say, excitedly, "What are you doing! We don't throw things in here. What's going on?"

Similarly, just when you're beginning a work call or engaged in cooking dinner, one of your children grabs their sibling's toy and hits them. Or, they climb on top of the sofa...and jump. They know they'll get in trouble, but they do it anyway, because they also know it will get your attention.
How to change attention-seeking behavior:

Set kids up to occupy themselves. If your child often acts up when you need to do something else, being proactive can help. Set your child up with an activity that will last for the duration of your call or dinner prep. And if your child regularly craves physical touch, make sure to give them a hug before you log on to your meeting.

Planned ignoring. The most powerful way to change a behavior that's motivated by attention is to refuse to reward the behavior with attention, says Dr. Lee. Children won't give up their need for attention easily, so be prepared for the behaviors to get worse before they get better - this is called an extinction burst. But eventually, the behaviors will stop. You should only use planned ignoring when you have the time, safe space and patience to get over the hump with your kid.

Give regular and specific positive attention for good behavior. Whenever you can, make a point of using labeled praise for behaviors you want to see. For example, "Great job sharing your crayons with your brother."

Help kids practice patience. Start by asking kids to be patient for short, predictable periods of time. For example, set a five-minute timer before you go to the bathroom and let them know you'll be back by the time it goes off. Praise them for waiting patiently. Then gradually increase the time as kids get more comfortable.

The child does something because it feels good, provides comfort, relieves pain, helps them expend energy, or calms them down.

Behaviors driven by a need for sensory stimulation - or to stop disturbing stimulation - are commonly seen in kids on the autism spectrum as well as other children with sensory processing issues. "These kids are seeking out sensory input because they like the way it makes them feel," explains Stephanie Ruggiero, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute Or, she adds, "they're behaving in a way that limits their access to certain things because their senses are overstimulated."
Examples of sensory-seeking behaviors:

Chewing on objects, like pen caps or clothing

Spinning in circles, flapping hands, crashing into furniture

Making repetitive sounds vocally (like clicking or humming noises) or physically (like tapping hands or feet) in places or situations where silence is expected

Touching or smelling other people or things repeatedly, often without asking

Self-injury to provide sensory input (such as banging their head because it feels good, skin picking to feel the skin under their nails).

Examples of sensory-avoidant behaviors:

Refusing to eat certain foods, or wear certain clothing

Covering ears when they believe sounds are too loud

Avoiding certain people or things due to their scent

Self-injury to avoid something (such as banging their head to avoid hearing a bothersome sound, skin picking to soothe their anxiety).

How to change sensory-seeking or sensory-avoidant problem behaviors:

Replace a harmful behavior with a safe alternative. For example, if a child constantly picks at their skin to ease their anxiety, occupying their hands with a fidget toy or something else they can "pick" at, like putty or stickers, can help prevent the behavior.

Set limits around the behavior. Some behaviors, like making sounds or spinning around are okay in some settings, but problematic in others. Help your child become aware of their behavior, learn when and where it's appropriate, and work together to find an appropriate replacement behavior for when they need sensory stimulation.

Find solutions to help your child cope with the loud noise, uncomfortable clothing, bad smell, etc. You can minimize or eliminate your child's sensory-avoidant behaviors by making accommodations that meet their needs. For example, purchase noise-cancelling headphones, prioritize comfort over style when it comes clothing or suggest a family member not wear a certain fragrance when around your child.

Collect data to determine the function

Dr. Ruggiero says the best way to determine the function of the problem behavior is to collect data.

"I'm a big proponent of what we call ABC data, which stands for antecedent, behavior, consequence," she explains. "That means you should track what's happening right before the behavior, what the behavior entailed, the duration, and your response to the behavior." This allows you to find the pattern, leading you to the function.

Ruggerio says that if the behavior happens several times a day, you may be able to see the pattern within a week, but if it occurs only once or twice a week, it could take a month or more.

Once you've determined the function of a problem behavior and implement a plan to change it, continue to track the behavior for at least two weeks (the amount of time it takes to begin forming a new habit) to see if there's any improvement. "It can take longer if you need to teach a replacement behavior or a new skill," says Dr. Ruggerio. "And, it's also possible that your child may go through an extinction burst where the frequency and intensity increases before you begin to see a change."

If nothing changes, you might have misidentified their motivation or there is more than one reason for their behavior.

Once you've successfully eliminated a behavior, if it returns at a later point, begin the process again. Children do change over time, which means that the function of their behavior can also change.

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Why Do Kids Act Out? - Child Mind Institute

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When you want to reduce problem behaviors like tantrums, whining and hitting, it can help to use strategies from Functional Behavior Analysis. FBA is based on understanding the function of the problem behavior in order to change it.

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Be mindful of your verbal and nonverbal communication. Our body language and tone of voice can be perceived as positive or negative from the child's perspective.

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Crisis Prevention Institute - Exclusive Downloads for Educators

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Crisis Prevention Institute - Exclusive Downloads for Educators

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These articles were extremely helpful during my research. CPI formats their literature in an easy-to-read format so that educators can get the most of their reading.

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Coping Skills For Kids - Managing Feelings & Emotions For Elementary-Middle School | Self-Regulation

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University of KY Center on Trauma and Children

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What Is My Lizard Brain? | Self-Regulation Lesson 3

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Know Your Child’s Neuro: Positive Empowerment for Elementary Parents

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Circle Of Control Activity For Kids - Good Mental Health And Stress Management

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5 Incredibly Fun GAMES to Teach Self-Regulation (Self-Control) | Social Emotional Learning

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Social Emotional Learning For Kids: Benji, the Bad Day, and Me | Vooks Storytime

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Butterfly Hug! 6-Minute Self-Soothing Meditation For Children Using The Butterfly Hug Technique.

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Teaching Children Emotional Regulation | Autism and Emotional Regulation

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Crisis Prevention Institute. (2017). Address Student Behaviors Associated with Trauma and Learning Loss. Retrieved from https://www.crisisprevention.com/Blog/Address-Student-Behaviors-Trauma-Learning-Loss

Crisis Prevention Institute. (2017). How to Set Limits. Retrieved from https://www.crisisprevention.com/Blog/How-to-Set-Limits

Jones, A., Smith, B., & Johnson, C. (2015). Supporting students with behavioral needs: Strategies and interventions. Journal of Education, 24(3), 1-17.

Wilson, M.B. (2008). Understanding behavioral challenges in the classroom. In K. Smith (Ed.), Supporting Students with Behavioral Needs: Strategies and Interventions (pp. 129-135). Educational Publishers.

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Many times parents are not sure how to respond to their child's challenging or unpredictable behaviors. Often, just when you feel that you've finally figured everything out and settled into a routine, something changes and it gets challenging again.

These changes may just be a normal part of a child's growth and development, but they can still feel frustrating and overwhelming. For example, you might be struggling with your child's crying or temper tantrums, communication, discipline, eating, toileting, sleeping, or getting along with others. Behaviors can also be influenced by an environment that is stressful or unhealthy, a major change or disruption in the family, or stresses experienced by the child, parents, or caregivers. These issues may not be as easy to address, and can feel overwhelming for both children and parents.

All of a child's behaviors have meaning and communicate messages. Adults recognize some of these communications right away-like a toothless grin. Other behaviors may be confusing, and you can only take a guess at what they might mean. A child's behavior might do any of the following:

Show how they feel about themselves

Communicate their needs and feelings

Establish important connections with the people around them

Be part of exploring the world and how the world responds to them

Children, especially young children, are learning new ways to communicate all the time. At a young age, children don't always have the skills to tell us what they want, need, or feel. When this happens, children are likely to behave in ways that are confusing or challenging to their parents and caregivers. It is up to us to try to understand children's behaviors and help them learn to express their feelings in appropriate ways.

Your child care provider can be a good partner and source of support when you are finding your child's behavior challenging. A trusted provider can work with you to handle challenging behaviors in constructive ways. You are more likely to be successful if you and your provider are handling things the same way.

Talk with your provider about changes in your child and any concerns. Offer your own opinions and ask questions, and find out what your provider is seeing when you're not there. When you're ready, you can work together to create a plan to address the behavior.

The following list has some valuable tools that may give you new ideas for building a positive relationship with your child and responding to challenging behaviors. Though information can be a useful guide, remember that your child's path is unique and your parenting journey will be unique as well.

Resources

Parenting Essentials
This page may help you handle common parenting challenges. It has fun videos and "how-tos" for specific parenting skills.

Family Resources from the Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning
This website provides resources to help you support your child's social and emotional development, and prepare for kindergarten. It has resources for children from birth to age 5. It provides information on teaching your child to express emotions, responding to biting, teaching your child to cooperate, and much more.

Head Start Center for Inclusion
This resource offers handouts that provide useful tips for families to promote positive behavior during common family activities and routines that can sometimes be challenging.

PBS for Parents: Understanding Emotions and Self Awareness
This website provides families with tips to help children name their feelings, understand them, and develop strategies for expressing them in healthy ways.

National Center for Effective Mental Health Consultation
This website provides families with practical guidance on ways to promote young children's healthy social and emotional development and reduce challenging behaviors.

National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) Encouraging Positive Behavior and Reducing Challenging Behavior
This website provides families with helpful resources, including how to help your child develop self-regulation skills, how to address biting, and how to provide positive guidance and encourage compassion.

Zero to Three: Challenging Behaviors
This website provides several resources to help families address challenging behavior, including how to deal with tantrums, defiance, biting, and aggression.

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Many times parents are not sure how to respond to their child's challenging or unpredictable behaviors. Often, just when you feel that you've finally figured everything out and settled into a routine, something changes and it gets challenging again. These changes may just be a normal part of a child's growth and development, but they can still feel frustrating and overwhelming.

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Family Resource Center - Child Mind Institute

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Find resources and information to help you support children who are struggling with mental health, behavior or learning challenges.

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Communicating our emotions effectively requires prerequisite skills. 

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Communicating our emotions effectively requires prerequisite skills. 

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Students who struggle with behavioral outbursts may need specific instruction in the skills they need to cope with feelings like frustration, anxiety and anger. We can explicitly teach and role play situations to do with:

Impulse control

Emotional self-regulation

Problem solving

Delaying gratification

Negotiating

Communicating wishes and needs to adults

Knowing what’s appropriate or expected in a given situation