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Adele reunited with former teacher and childhood inspiration and Alan Carr takes to the stage | ITV

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Early Years Resources: Secure Attachment

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Early Years Resources: Secure Attachment

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Given to us by:

David Wells

Head of School / Federation Curriculum Lead

Designated Safeguarding Lead

dwells@carlisleandhamptonhillfed.richmond.sch.uk

Carlisle Infant School

info@carlisle.richmond.sch.uk

(020) 8979 2770

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ARC Learning Hub  25-26 - Event  Dates - Bolsover 

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Personalised Plans and Getting it right from the

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Mental Health and wellbeing provision 2024

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Even as adults, we can be prone to tantrums, tears and wanting to give the world (or particular people in it) an almighty spray sometimes. For the most part, we can hang to the dramatics and anything that might land us in trouble, but even with all of our experience, our fully developed brains, and our capacity to see around corners, it's hard some days. Imagine what it's like for our kids.

Understanding what our kids are wrestling with and the developmental goals they are working towards will make their more 'frustrating' behaviours easier to deal with. Things will run smoother if we can give them the space and support they need to do whatever it is they need to. Of course, none of this means totally surrendering our boundaries around what's okay and what isn't in terms of behaviour. What it means is responding with greater wisdom, clarity and with more appropriate consequences. Life just gets easier for everyone when we are able to take things less personally.

Infants & Babies (0-12 months).

Everything will go in the mouth - hands, feet, food, toys, shoes - you name it.

If they are crying, there is something they need - a sleep, a cuddle, food, changing. They don't yet have the words to communicate, but crying is a spectacularly effective way for baby humans to get big humans to move mountains for them. One of the beautiful things about babies is that they will never ask for more than they need.

Wary of strangers and might get upset when familiar people aren't close by.

The support they need.

1-2 years.

Will become more interactive.

No understanding of intentionality - they see, they do without thinking about why or what it means. For example, when they bite, it is not to hurt, when they grab toys from other kids it's not to cause upset, it's to ... well, everyone knows that things are for grabbing, right. Or eating.

Not developmentally able to share.

Might seem bossy and selfish, but keep in mind that anything they are interested in or considers to be theirs will be seen as an extension of themselves. Of course nobody else is entitled to take it!

Beginning to understand possession, and developing a strong sense of self.

Two of their favourite words to say, 'Mine!' and 'No!'

Two of their least favourite words to hear, 'Mine!' and 'No!'

Will often wake during the night.

Towards the end of this stage, they may become more defiant as they start to experiment with their independence. May tantrum because they become frustrated by their lack of words and their lack of ability to communicate.

Tantrums will also be driven by their experience of big emotions (frustration, anger, sadness, shame) that they don't have the words for.

The support they need.

When you give them a new rule or direction, it's likely that the old one will be forgotten. Sometimes you will love their short attention span. Sometimes you won't.

Be positive when you see them doing the right thing.

Start letting them know the things that aren't okay.

Ignore the small stuff. There's so much to learn so it's best not to overload them. Let them get used to the important things first.

Your child will be starting to understand what you are asking but for the sake of your own sweet sanity, let go of the expectation that they will do as you ask. Keep asking and guiding, but don't take it personally if it doesn't happen straight up. Or at all.

Be kind and gentle when correcting. They are doing their very best with what they have. If you ask for too much you might end up with a more anxious or more defiant or less confident three year old.

Help them put words to what they are feeling, 'It's upsetting when you have to pack your toys away and you want to keep playing isn't it.'

3 years old.

Will experiment with independence. May lead to tantrums.

Will want increased control. May lead to tantrums.

Will become frustrated when disappointed. May lead to tantrums.

May see an increase in tantrums.

Might stutter or stammer.

Will start to assert control over their environment by wanting to plan activities, do things by themselves, try challenging things.

Might develop sudden fears and phobias.

Still won't understand sharing and will often assert ownership, 'Mine!'.

Might show jealousy when parent gives attention to other children.

The support they need.

Write this down, 'It won't be like this forever'. Now stick it on your mirror where you'll see it every day.

Let them know when they do something well. They want to know that you're happy with them and that they're doing okay.

Use 'no' gently and in moderation. You want to encourage their exploration and experimentation with the world and their place in it. Guide them, but don't take away their initiative. And don't give them any more reason than they have to use it at you.

Don't feel guilty about taking time out for yourself to recharge. The battles will be easier when you're replenished.

4 years old.

Will become competitive.

Will still blur reality and fantasy sometimes. Might tell lies, extravagant stories, or have imaginary friend/s.

Still building their sense of self and experimenting with independence, so might be stubborn, defiant and bossy.

Will do all sorts of things to avoid bedtime.

Might have bad dreams.

Might develop a fear of the dark or become anxious thought of being separated from parent or caregiver.

Will test their limits with you but will still be keen to please and help you out when they can.

The support they need.

When you set rules, talk to them about why the rules are important. They are curious and developing their ideas about how the world works. It doesn't mean they'll 'get it' straight away, or that they'll comply.

Keep your requests simple.

Don't argue with a four year old. Just don't. They'll out-do you any day and if they don't have the words or a sound argument, they'll just keep asking 'why'.

When it comes to less-than-impressive behaviour, ask what happened but don't ask why they did it. Asking 'Why did you do that?' will just encourage a lie because the boundary between fantasy and reality in the world of a four year old is very - very - loose.

When they do something wrong, apply gentle consequences but explain why the behaviour is wrong and that you know they can do better next time. They need to know you believe in them - they will do as you do.

Five years old.

May accuse others of cheating if they don't win a game.

Will start to show empathy and an understanding that other people might have points of view that are different to their own.

Will be able to share but might still find it difficult, especially when it comes to their special things.

Might be afraid of failure, criticism and spooky things like ghosts or monsters.

Attention span will start to increase which will impact on the type of discussions you are able to have with them.

Might come across as being an 'expert' on everything.

Will enjoy joking around and will start to develop 'potty' humour.

Will be looking to make their own decisions, particularly around what to wear and what to eat.

The support they need.

Encourage anything that will get your child moving, particularly if it is in a group or a team with others. This will help your child to develop important skills like taking turns, getting along with others, working together, negotiating, compromising, and winning or losing graciously.

Start to expand your child's emotional literacy by naming and discussing feelings.

Connect rewards to responsibilities. 'How about you help me clear the table and then you can have dessert?'

Continue to keep rules simple and try not to have too many.

Six years old.

It's pretty likely that they will know a lot more than you. Just ask them.

May start tantruming again.

Can start to test the limits but will still want to please you and help out.

Will seek praise for their school work and for the good things they do.

Will seek to master new skills and to feel competent.

Might worry about being away from you.

The support they need.

Encourage their efforts and acknowledge when they have worked hard.

Encourage effort over outcome to help them develop a growth mindset and a strong self-belief in their capacity to achieve.

Ensure they get the support they need if they are struggling at school.

Seven years old.

Might tend towards complaining, usually about their parents or the rules, but also about friends and other kids.

Will feel misunderstood by many.

Can be dramatic about school, friends or life in general.

Will try to use words to talk about how they are feeling but may become frustrated and angry when they are upset.

Will be becoming more aware of what other people think.

The support they need.

Discuss how they might solve the things that are causing them trouble. Give them space and encouragement to come up with their own ideas.

Don't be drawn into the dramatics.

Don't immediately think that things are a mess because they are saying they are.

Jump on the positive.

Eight years old.

Will want you to think the way they do and will have little tolerance for your difference of opinion.

Will be very sensitive to what you think of them.

Will often fight with the mother.

The support they need.

When you're praising their good behaviour, be clear about what it is they have done.

Spend plenty of time together to cement the relationship for the pull away that is coming at adolescence.

Nine years old.

What their friends think will start to become more and more important.

Will narrow the friendship field by having closer friendships, but less of them.

Will share jokes and secrets with friends.

Will push against rules and directions and may disrespect you.

What to do.

Provide them with opportunities for independence and to make their own decisions.

Avoid being too bossy or directive.

Encourage them to start thinking about things from another point of view, 'What would so-and-so say about that?' 'How do you think she felt when that happened?'

Ten to eleven years old.

The tantrums of childhood will be calming down by now. Enjoy it because adolescence has heard that you're relaxing and it's on its way.

Might still argue about rules and the necessity and detail of them.

Will try to explain away misbehaviour through excuses and justifications. They will fight hard to find the loophole in the rule.

Promises become important and they will remember EVERYTHING - except when it's their turn to take out the rubbish.

What to do.

Adolescence

Friends will be more important than family. You're still important, but there's something they have to do - find who they will be when they step into the world as a healthy, independent adult. Just like you had to do at their age.

What their peers think of them will be a source of stress to them for a while, peaking for girls at age 13 and for boys at age 15. They might go to extra lengths to try to fit in with their peers. This might involve making silly decisions or putting themselves in risky situations. Breathe. It will end.

They will become more argumentative and will push against you more. This is perfectly in keeping with their adolescent adventure and their experimentation with independence.

May become more emotionally distant from you (don't worry - they'll come back but maybe not until they leave their teens).

They may become sexually active.

They might be impulsive and they might start taking risks. (For a full explanation of why they do this, see here.)

They will be more creative and will start to think about the world in really interesting, different ways.

They will act like your opinion of them doesn't matter but it does - as much as ever.

They will often misread your emotional expressions - reading anger, hostility or disappointment when you feel nothing like any of that (See here to understand teenage emotional flare-ups).

Their sleep cycle will change. Their circadian rhythm will move them about three hours past where they were as kids. This means that they will fall asleep three hours past the time they used to and unless they are completely exhausted, it will be biologically very difficult for them to fall asleep earlier. They will need about 9-10 hours sleep so will need to sleep in for later.

Will want to make their own decisions about the things that affect them.

What to do.

Don't be judgemental or critical - they need your love and connection more than ever.

Understand that they need to find their independence from you. Give them the space to do this. Over time, their values will be likely to align with yours.

Know that your teen isn't rejecting you, but is finding their own way in the world - it's an important, healthy part of being an independent adult - even if it feels bad.

Let go of control and go for influence. The harder you fight to control them, the harder they will push against you. The truth is that when it comes to adolescence, we have no control - they will decide how much they involve you in their lives, how much they tell you, and how much influence you have. Make it easy for them to come to you when something happens or when they need guidance.

Give them information, but don't lecture.

You may or may not know when they start to become sexually active, so it's important that they have the information and guidance they need to stay physically and emotionally safe. See here for an age by age guide for what they need to know.

Don't buy into arguments - ask them to state their case and talk to you about the pros and cons of what they want. By nature, teens will overstate the positives and underestimate the negatives. Encourage them to tell you some of the cons - nothing is ever black or white.

Encourage their social connections and give them space to strengthen their relationships. An important part of their development is to decrease their independence on the family tribe and to do this. To do this, they will feel an increased need to strengthen their affiliation with a friendship tribe. Encourage and support this wherever you can.

Help them find safe ways to take risks such as sports - competitive and non-competitive.

Let them know you will always do whatever you can to collect them from any situation when they want to come home - regardless of the circumstances and how late or far away it might be.

Wherever possible, let them sleep in to catch up on sleep deficits.

Listen more than you talk.

And finally ...

Even with the strongest supports in place, they are going to make mistakes - sometimes spectacular ones! Provided they have the support they need, their mistakes will be about their growth, not your parenting.

For our part, it is important that we are there with love, nurturing and a steady hand to guide them and with boundaries for them to feel the edges of themselves against. Understanding what is normal behaviour for children and teens will make this easier. Growing up is a journey of learning, exploring and experimenting - for them and for us.

You might also like ...

'Hey Warrior' is the book I've written for children to help them understand anxiety and to find their 'brave'. It explains why anxiety feels the way it does, and it will teach them how they can 'be the boss of their brains' during anxiety, to feel calm. It's not always enough to tell kids what to do - they need to understand why it works. Hey Warrior does this, giving explanations in a fun, simple, way that helps things make sense in a, 'Oh so that's how that works!' kind of way, alongside gorgeous illustrations.

You might also like ...

Filed under: Adolescents, Children, With Kids
Tags: adolescence, behaviour, children, parenting, teens, with kids

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Phew! It's Normal. An Age by Age Guide for What to Expect From Kids & Teens - And What They Need From Us -

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Even as adults, we can be prone to tantrums, tears and wanting to give the world (or particular people in it) an almighty spray sometimes. For the most part, we can hang to the dramatics and anything that might land us in trouble, but even with all of our experience, our fully developed brains, and our capacity to see around corners, it's hard some days.

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Bolsover Infant & Nursery School website

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PSHE stands for Personal, Social and Health education.

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In September 2023 we made the commitment to be an ARC Learning Hub

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Recommeded booklist for ARAS schools development- 2022

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Relationship and Behaviour Policy with Extreme Behaviour Addendum

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Relationship and Behaviour Policy with Extreme Behaviour Addendum

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Settings pathway back to positive mental health 4 all...

Following the successful 2019/20 pilot from Alfreton Nursery Teaching School Alliance and Derbyshire County Council Early Years Teams, 'The Teddy Bear Project', we would like to share with you our 'Raising Hope with the Better Bears'.
The origins:
The 'Better Bear' project was our settings response to the growing concerns of professionals, about our children and parents mental health through the COVID-19 crisis.

Since March 2020, the COVID-19 Public Health Crisis has gripped the whole world, and we, as a school, were most certainly seeing an impact on our community's mental health as a result. All stakeholder groups, were finding the increased worry, anxiety and stresses brought about by the pandemic and subsequent lockdown, over-whelming to manage and were reporting a whole range of responses from our children.

Throughout lockdown, like many schools and Early Years settings, we continued to respond to these growing concerns. The school community were creative, innovative and reactive in their responses, both with children who continued to attend, but also for those children who remained at home.

However, it soon became clear that there needed to be a planned approach to this issue, when settings began to design their pathways back to a new normal.
Bolsover Infant and Nursery School
We believed the recovery curriculum, in our setting, needed a focus on 'Positive Mental Health 4 all'. 'Raising Hope...' became our settings pathway back to our new normal, which included our recovery curriculum and our pathway back to positive mental health. The Raising Hope with 'Better Bears' Project was and continues to be part of our schools response to the recovery curriculum.
The project aims to:

Help and support children, families and staff TRANSITION back into our setting after the global pandemic

Take an attachment led approach to building RELATIONSHIPS back in our EYFS/Ks1 focused school/community

Support children with the loss that has occurred through lockdown - the loss of relationships, friendships, freedom, community, opportunity and routine

Leave resources in our setting that could be long lasting in supporting transition into school post COVID-19 and across all year groups.

Click to see the Better Bear case study...

link: https://youtu.be/g6me2gMRtE8
Better Bears in practice:
All children received their own 'Better Bear', which was designed by the child, to be individual and unique. They made the bear a safe place to live (inside a box) and took on the responsibility and challenge of helping their bear.

EVERY child received a bear, those who were learning in school and those who remained at home. Each child received a box of craft resources, a box, a bear, glue and daily updates of things to do, talk about, see, think and ponder. Through a range of approaches including; Social stories, therapeutic stories, Floorbooks and sound early years practice, children worked through a range of sessions designed to help them feel safe, deal with a sense of loss, anxiety, worry, stress and change. But mostly begin to understand a range of feelings and emotions and to help them navigate a new social experience.
The 'Better Bear' Project Resources:
The ' Better Bear Project Guidance' document includes support and guidance for staff in a setting, no matter the size. Any adult can use it, whether they are a professional working in a home environment or a parent working remotely. It also has discreet sections for parents and guardians. It offers signposting for all adults around their own mental health, as well as a planned approach for children. It includes the first three introductory sessions.

The ' Better Bear Planning Document' delivers both lesson planning guidance for setting staff, with help, top tips and session plans for adults at home. In this document, there is a range of ideas for activities with children. These sessions offer practical activities and opportunities to explore their thoughts, feelings and experiences in a safe and non-judgemental way.

The ' Better Bear Story Book Planner' is a document, which uses well-known children's literature to support children's social and emotional development, with session plans, helpful tips for parents and activities for children.

Most adults can deliver Sessions one to one or in small groups. Practitioners can replicate the concept in any setting in its entirety, with ready to use resources or can adapt the concept and use it innovatively across a whole range of settings.

Better Bears 4 Parents - Better Bear Version 2 (Transition) Summer / Autumn 2020

Lesson Instructions for parents:

(Please click on the picture)

Lesson 1 Lesson 2 Lesson 3 Lesson 4

Lessons for children

(Please click on the picture)

Lesson 1 Lesson 2 Lesson 3 Lesson 4

Invisible String Story for Lesson 3

Better Bears @ Christmas Autumn 2020

Better Bear Version 3 (Lockdown 3 Spring 2021)

Our Better Bear Programme, series 3, was designed to help children and families through lockdown well being issues in Spring 2021. It was designed to develop a joint vocabulary and helps children with their emotional literacy. The aim was to help children better understand their emotions and what they can do about it.

Session 1

Session 2

Session 3

Sessions 10, 11 and 12 were planned to be delivered in the classroom by the child's actual teacher on the first week of school (March 8th 2021).

Book

Overview

Activity

Sharing

Collaboration

Squabbling - what this means

We know this might be happening more often at the moment between siblings and families.

Read the story

Can you think why the author called the book 'The squirrels who squabbled?

How could they work better together?

What does sharing mean?

What does it mean to be 'spontaneous'? Do you prefer to be spontaneous or do you like to plan ahead?

What is the moral of this story?

https://www.teachingideas.co.uk/library/books/the-squirrels-who-squabbled

Look at the facial expressions of the characters in the illustrations. How are they feeling? Can you draw a number of self-portraits / Better Bears in your Family Floor-book that portray different emotions?

Anxiety about self

Uniqueness

Its ok to be different, feel different etc

This book reinforces with children that its ok to be different.

Read the book

Identify how we are all different

Can you identify any ways in which you are different to everyone else?

Do you have similarities and differences with people in your family?

Can we celebrate your differences?

Can you make a family / class difference list in your family floor-book?

Grownups may need to record discussions on this page.

Can you make a list of how you are different from the characters in the book:

· Have you lost a tooth?

· Do you need help doing anything?

· Do you have wheels?

· Are you small, medium or large?

· Do you wear glasses?

· Do you eat macaroni and cheese in the bath?

Worrying

Separating out your worries

Feeling mixed up

How to sort your worries...

Read the book

Talk about worry jars. What things might create that colour emotion?

The worry monster felt better ones he had sorted out his colours.

Maybe we would feel better if we could sort out our worries and deal with them.

Making colour potions, draw the things that make that emotion in a jar

Mixing paint to make Colour Monster pictures

Making mood pictures like in the book. Draw all the things that make that emotion and then colour washing them

Collecting collage materials in one colour and making a mood board
https://teachingideas.co.uk/library/books/the-colour-monster

Better Bear documents for profession als:

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Bolsover Infant & Nursery School website

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Following the successful 2019/20 pilot from Alfreton Nursery Teaching School Alliance and Derbyshire County Council Early Years Teams, 'The Teddy Bear Project', we would like to share with you our 'Raising Hope with the Better Bears'. The origins: The 'Better Bear' project was our settings response to the growing concerns of professionals, about our children and parents mental health through the COVID-19 crisis.

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Dr Margot Sunderland - ARC handout Nov 2019  (1)

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Dr Margot Sunderland - ARC handout Nov 2019  (1)

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As a school we have worked closely with Derbyshire County Council to be part of the launch of their SMILERS campaign. Smilers is an acronym to help us remember the things we can do to improve our own mental health. This is for grown-ups, as well as for children.

Positive mental health is an essential part of children's overall health-has a complex interactive relationship with their physical health and their ability to succeed in school, at work, and in society. Both physical and mental health affect how we think, feel, and act on the inside and outside. Mental health is important throughout childhood-from prenatal considerations through transitions to adulthood.

In School we have a range of pathways to support mental health, as you can see below.

Mental Health and Well Being 4 All

At Bolsover Infants and Nursery School, we aim to promote positive mental health and wellbeing for our whole school community (children, staff, parents and carers), and recognise how important mental health and emotional wellbeing is to our lives in just the same way as physical health. We recognise that children's mental health is a crucial factor in their overall wellbeing and can affect their learning and achievement. All children go through ups and downs during their school career and some face significant life events.

SMILERS

Smilers is used as a whole school approach to talking about mental health. It is how we promote positive mental health across school. It was launch in the summer of 2022. Smilers stands for:

Each of the words explains to children the things they need to know and do to support their own mental health.

The SMILERS ways to wellbeing are:

STAY CONNECTED Having healthy relationships with people and pets to help you to feel happy.

MOVE Being active to releases chemicals in your brain which boosts your mood and makes you feel good.

INTEREST Having special interests and learning something new to keep your brain busy.

LOOK Using your senses to notice what is around you to keep you in the moment.

EATING WELL Eating a balanced diet to make you feel good and also to help you stay healthy and strong.

REST Getting a good night's sleep to improve your memory, mood and mental health.

SUPPORT Supporting people to make us feel positive and to make them happy too!

/i/video/SMILERS_FINAL_CAPTIONED.mp4

More information can be found here: Derby & Derbyshire - Emotional Health & Wellbeing (derbyandderbyshireemotionalhealthandwellbeing.uk)

Individual work around worries and anxiety:

For children we use a range of concept in class and on a one to one basis including:

Better Bears Please see our Better Bear Page by clicking here

Worry Monsters in class for sharing individual concerns

Worry Monster Stones for more specific concerns

Anxiety Gremlins for those children who need support

Travel Smart

Making an active Travel Smart journey by walking, scooting, cycling, car sharing or catching the bus, after a healthy breakfast and a good night's sleep, is a great way to improve your wellbeing as part of your day to day life.

It's also a way that you can do your bit to support reducing the harm to the planet and our health caused by cars and their engines by helping to reduce traffic jams, air pollution and climate change. So follow the SMILERS ways to wellbeing and Travel Smart on your journey school, it's MILES better for everyone!

Below are some ideas that might help...

SMILERS - Looking after ourselves and the Environment
Promoting mental health and wellbeing | NSPCC Learning
Please click the picture above to see the learning we carried out, for Mental Health Awareness Week February 2023.
Art box | Childline
Helpful Webpages

Children's mental health - Every Mind Matters - NHS (www.nhs.uk)

Buddy Zone | Childline

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Bolsover Infant & Nursery School website

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SMILERS (Mental Health Support in school)

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As a school we have worked closely with Derbyshire County Council to be part of the launch of their SMILERS campaign. Smilers is an acronym to help us remember the things we can do to improve our own mental health. This is for grown-ups, as well as for children.

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Strategy Plan - Summary Front page update

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Behaviour Policy Help - Derbyshire AAS Network

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attachment aware - Derbyshire conference

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Reflect, Review, Reset, Replenish, Rebuild - P.Blow

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Attachment Disorder Difficulties - Arial

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Being Relationship Aware during Transition

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Visual of the AAS plan for our school