# data[].attributes.body
Make your question connect to the main topic of the paper. "Is Tulsa a nice place to live" places the answer (Tulsa) inside the question (nice place to live). Related: see https://emswriting.wordpress.com/2015/12/28/make-your-topic-sentences-reflect-your-thesis-statement/

# data[].attributes.body
http://emswriting.wordpress.com/2014/03/11/using-sources-primary-and-secondary-sources/

# data[].attributes.body
See https://emswriting.wordpress.com/2015/12/14/preposition-before-an-adverb/

# data[].attributes.body
"how should we build the cities become the main question for people"

see: http://emswriting.wordpress.com/2013/12/25/coherence-order-of-ideas/

# data[].attributes.body
See https://emswriting.wordpress.com/2015/12/28/synonyms-for-text/

# data[].attributes.headline
"According to Jonah Lehrer..." and "Peter Gordan claims..."

# data[].attributes.subject
"According to Jonah Lehrer..." and "Peter Gordan claims..."

# data[].attributes.body
See http://emswriting.wordpress.com/2014/03/11/using-sources-primary-and-secondary-sources/

# data[].attributes.body
You are boldfacing too many words, because many of these boldfaced words are NOT different from what you wrote in the original text.

I'm seeing that the main changes to your text have to do with the ORDER of the words. That's good! But I'd like to know more about your thinking process.

# data[].attributes.body
I agree with the change. But in your rationale, you haven't said anything about whether the two words have different meanings or any other reason why one would better fit this context. It is as though you said "I changed it because it's better," but what I'm asking is WHY it is better.

# data[].attributes.body
You put a whole sentence in boldface. A whole sentence has a lot of grammatical parts, and it's more likely that you would change only one or two parts and not all of them. In fact, when I compare the bolded words with the original text, it seems like it might be exactly the same. Is it?

# data[].attributes.body
Here you have not actually edited, but instead you have added about 130 words of new text. I'm not asking for new text, and I'm not as interested in it, because your process is completely opaque, and your rationale ("more clear to the reader") is not very informative. Nevertheless, this is your paper, and I respect your decision to change it in your own way. But it goes against the goals of the assignment, so it won't be graded as highly as it would if you were really focused on edits.

# data[].attributes.body
Change the passage more related to the sentence before the new sentence. Also, make it more clear to reader.

# data[].attributes.body
Change the grammar error in the sentence and also makes the sentence clearer.

# data[].attributes.body
If you ask me where I want to work between city and country, I will easily tell you that I want to work in city. Although working in country got a lot of benefit, for example, better environment and more quiet, I will still choose city. I make this decision because city got more advantages compared to the country, resources, efficiency, salary, etc. With these advantages, I can gain more experiences in a short period of time. Also, there is a lot of talented people who I can learn from in the city. about my job and work from the people near me. And from my own experience, people who work in the country or rural area will have a higher chance to work in the agriculture related jobs, which is a lot differ from the area that I want to work in. Working in the city will have more job choices and I can try many jobs until I find the one that I really enjoy and willing to devote a lot of my time to.

# data[].attributes.body
Change the word "benefit" to "advantages" because advantages is more fit in this situation. Benefit did not shows what I want to shows to the reader.

# data[].attributes.body
If you ask me where I want to work between city and country, I will easily tell you that I want to work in city. Although working in country got a lot of advantages, for example, better environment and more quiet, I will still choose city. I make this decision because in the city, I got more resources to get and with those resources, I can finish my work faster and better.

# data[].attributes.body
Deleted "I think" from the sentence because this can make the sentence more confident and also "I think" is unnecessary in this sentence

# data[].attributes.body
I make this decision because in the city, I got more resources to get and with those resources, I can finish my work faster and better. Not only that, in the city, I can observe more about my job and work from the people near me. Whatever my job is, I can find those who work in the same field with me more easily than I can in the country. Because of the reason I listed, I think working in the city will be a better fit for me.

# data[].attributes.body
Using easier way to express the same sentence can makes the reader understand the text easily.

# data[].attributes.body
Is Tulsa a nice place to live? Based on my preferences, values, and the information they show in their website, I think Tulsa is a great place to live in. From the website, we see that there is variety of entertainment people can choose, from restaurant, bar, to galleries and gyms. They also hope to build a community where people can co-work and live a social life. In the website, they also shows the benefit of moving into Tulsa, one of them is supportive community, which I think is really important.

# data[].attributes.body
Combined two sentences together because it shows a lot of overlap between these two sentences. Repetitive sentences or words will bore the reader.

# data[].attributes.body
And according to those who moved to Tulsa from other states, their life experience had become a lot better. Cheaper prices on basically everything, a better environment, and similar habits are all the experiences of the people who moved into Tulsa. Also, people will not feel bored because Tulsa provides all kinds of activities, from breakfast to dinner, workout to spirituality, there is everything you want in Tulsa.  From the reason I listed above, Tulsa is a great place to live in, and everything they show on their website was on target of my preferences and values.

# data[].attributes.body
The word important is too repetitive, instead of using important in the following sentence, using the synonym of important shows a better effect.

# data[].attributes.body
In the New York City, the creativity and development are not specifically from the tall building. For example, the Google New York office is located in the old building. But balance is important, both Jacobs density and Crude density are essential to the city. Although density is vital for generating innovation, all of the economists, urbanists, and developers should be careful of it as Jacobs mentioned, density can get too high that at one point it will not stimulate or generate the diversity, but repress it.

# data[].attributes.body
"Once" and "recent" is a little repetitive and the sentence with both words is unclear.

# data[].attributes.body
According to Jonah Lehrer, more information-sharing, more bigger and denser cities, which means more economic growth. In his recent study, Peter Gordan claims that there are two types of density: "Crude" density and "Jacobs density". Crude density means the city is filled with tall building but did not generate development on is own. On the other hand, "Jacobs density" is focus on the potential informal contact anywhere in anytime. This type of contact or encounter can generate the demand of product and diversity based on not only the groups but also the preferences.

# data[].attributes.body
In my personal experience, I have only lived in less-dense area or neighborhood in my lifetime. When I was in my home country, I lived in a rural area that most of the people are farmers, and something I really appreciate is that people interact with each other a lot, which is different from city. Because there is not many people, people will usually remember one another. The other thing I love about living in the small town is the slow pace.

# data[].attributes.body
Deleting the "more" because there is a double comparative, "more bigger" is too repetitive and wrong grammar.

# data[].attributes.body
One of the answer to that question is density, according to Santa Fe researchers, doubling the population can produce more than doubles creative and economic output. The other situation, and the most important one, is how much people interact with others. According to Jonah Lehrer, more information-sharing, bigger and denser cities, which means more economic growth.

# data[].attributes.body
Adding the transition "so" connect the introduction part of the paragraph into the first point of the paragraph, also improving the flow of the paragraph.

# data[].attributes.body
In the journal "For creative cities, the sky has its limit" by Florida, it claims that 3.3 billion of us, more than half of people in the world, lives in the city. And the rate is only getting higher. So how should we build the cities become the main question for people. One of the answer to that question is density, according to Santa Fe researchers, doubling the population can produce more than doubles creative and economic output.