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A visual that can be used at home to help achieve a structured day- credit Dr Anne Chalfant, Clinical Psychologist

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Whole Child Counselling website

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I consider working with children every day a privilege, as children are vital to our society's future. I'm a mother of two who works in an urban public school helping children with social, emotional and behavioral needs through the use of expressive arts therapy and mindfulness practices. I combine my unique background in expressive arts therapy, nursing and mental health counseling with my studies of herbalism to take a truly holistic, mind-body, whole-person approach when working with others.

I have worked in a variety of settings including inpatient psychiatric care, group homes, outpatient mental health, elementary, middle and high schools. I hold registrations as a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC), a Registered Expressive Arts Therapist (REAT), a Registered Nurse (RN) and a Licensed School Adjustment Counselor/School Social Worker.

I have a longstanding interest in mind/body medicine and I'm passionate about helping people reach their highest potential through the use of the healing arts, complementary and alternative/natural therapies.

Please note that any views or opinions represented on this website and blog are personal and belong solely to the website owner and do not represent those of people, institutions or organizations that the owner may or may not be associated with in a professional or personal capacity, unless explicitly stated.

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I consider working with children every day a privilege, as children are vital to our society's future. I'm a mother of two who works in an urban public school helping children with social, emotional and behavioral needs through the use of expressive arts therapy and mindfulness practices.

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Raising Children Network link

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1. Look after each child's needs

Your children might need different rules and boundaries depending on their ages and temperaments. But they need to feel that you love and value them all equally - this way, they won't feel they have to compete for your affection and attention. You can foster these feelings by spending special time with each child regularly, giving lots of hugs and smiles to everyone, and trying not to compare children with each other.

Although children need to learn about sharing, it's also helpful if they have some special things of their own that they don't have to share. A little bit of private space - even just a drawer that siblings can't get into - is a good idea too.

Children will also feel valued if you make it clear that it's not OK for younger children to mess up older children's activities, and vice versa.

2. Set clear family rules

Rules let children know what's OK and what's not. If you have family rules in place, it's easier for you to remind children of how you expect them to treat each other.

Here are some tips for making rules work:

Involve children in setting up rules. This will help your children remember them.

Put a copy of your house rules on the fridge or somewhere everyone can see them.

Follow through every time children bend or break the rules. Start with a friendly reminder - 'Are we all speaking nicely to each other?' Then give another chance. If children still break the rules, use an agreed consequence.

3. Set up routines

It's much easier to handle disagreements about everyday things when you have a family routine. It means that everyone knows who sits where, who does what chores and on what days, and who's first in line for the PlayStation, trampoline or bathroom.

A sample routine might look like this:

Television: Samantha chooses the program from 6.30-7 pm. Jake chooses from 7.30-8 pm (after Samantha has gone to bed).

Games: Jake chooses on Saturdays, Samantha chooses on Sundays.

Bathroom: Jake uses the bathroom first in the morning, then Samantha.

Chores: Samantha and Jake take it in turns to do the chores - garbage duty one week, drying the dishes the next week.

4. Catch them being good

This means noticing and giving positive feedback to your children when they're behaving well. When you tell children clearly and specifically what they're doing well, you're much more likely to see that behaviour again.

Here are some examples of clear and specific praise and encouragement:

'I really like the way you're both taking turns on the trampoline.'

'You're all sharing and playing really nicely together.'

'Hey, you worked out that problem really well. How about we celebrate with a movie tonight?'

5. Show children how to get along

You are your children's number-one role model. Your children will notice if you work out differences without fighting.

If you want your children to work things out calmly and respectfully, they need to see you doing this. If you want them to be able to say sorry to others, they need to see you apologising too.

6. Coach your children

You are your children's problem-solving coach. You teach them how to handle disagreements and guide them towards skills for managing angry feelings, negotiating and playing fair. This is better than being a referee who breaks up fights or steps in when they're brewing.

Here are some tips for coaching your children in problem-solving:

Give your children opportunities to play with others. Playgroups, playdates and games help children learn to play well together and practise positive alternatives to fighting.

Step in with ideas as soon as you see that children are finding it hard to work things out. For example, 'Remember to share', or 'Can you boys think of a way that you can both have a turn?'

Talk things over later. With older children, working out a blame-free solution afterwards will make the fight less likely to happen again. For example, 'How could you have handled it so that both of you got to use the computer?'

Help children find ways to express upset or angry feelings through calm words or positive activities. For example, water play, painting and playdough help younger children express feelings. Older children and teenagers might find that going for a run or playing music helps.

Teach and model the social skill of 'respectful disagreeing'. This involves saying something that you can both agree on, then saying what you don't agree on. For example, 'I agree that Grandma gave you the book for your birthday, but I don't think it's fair to stop your sister reading it if she asks politely'.

7. Cool down fighting hot spots

It can help to think ahead about how to handle fights in tricky situations. In some cases it might help to explain that if fighting breaks out, you'll remove a treat or privilege (or whatever your family rules say). But it's also a good idea to set things up so that there are fewer opportunities for children to fight.

Here are some ideas to help you plan for common fighting hot spots.
At home

Make sure there are enough toys for everyone, so they can play together without always having to take turns.

If you're organising playdates, try inviting a friend for each of your children, or organising for one child to go somewhere else if the other is having a friend.

Distract children or change the environment if you sense a fight coming. For example, suggest a new game, join in yourself for a while, take the children outside to play, or read a book with a child on either side of you.

If you need to make a phone call, set children up with an activity (or two separate activities) that will keep them interested.

At the supermarket

Create a special rule. For example, 'No fights at the supermarket means we'll go the park when we get home'.

Ask children to hold onto opposite sides of the shopping trolley. Or send them to opposite ends of the aisle to choose grocery items.

If supermarket fights are very bad, see whether you can leave one of the children with a friend or family member while you shop.

Out and about

Distract children if you sense a fight coming. For example, a game like 'I spy' can work at the supermarket, the beach, on public transport or in the car.

On public transport, park yourself or a pram between children.

In the car

If there's a spare seat in the back, sit children either side of it. Or put a grown-up or older child between the children most likely to fight.

If your oldest child is old enough, put her in the front seat. Keep in mind that it's illegal to allow children under four to travel in the front seat, and there are legal requirements for car travel for children under seven.

Always pull over if a fight breaks out while you're driving. Turning around to talk to children or separate them takes your attention off the road.

8. Let children work it out sometimes

With your help, children can learn to work out disagreements by themselves, without fighting. This can help your children get along better and deal positively with conflicts with other children.

Here are some tips for helping your children work things out:

Let children go if they're trying to work things out. Talking, debating and even arguing are all signs that children are trying to work things out. Add some enthusiastic feedback about the way they're interacting. For example, 'Hey, I'm really proud of the way you're trying to work this out on your own'.

Keep an eye on the action. This is your best chance of preventing full-scale fights.

Give some tips. A few well-placed suggestions might be all children need. For example, 'Can you think of a way you can all use the computer when you need to?' or 'Remember to be fair and take turns. Whose turn was it last?'

Give friendly reminders about rules of the house, what you expect and what will happen if a fight breaks out. For example, 'Remember we all speak nicely', or 'Are you keeping your hands and feet to yourselves?'

Sometimes disagreements about the computer or a favourite toy seem to turn into name-calling and arguing straight away. If this sounds like your situation, you might want to start the reminders and coaching as soon as the computer is turned on or the toy comes out.

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Your children might need different rules and boundaries depending on their ages and temperaments. But they need to feel that you love and value them all equally - this way, they won't feel they have to compete for your affection and attention.

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Using screen time to encourage physical activity

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Using screen time to encourage physical activity

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Raising Children Network link

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Screen time and physical activity

Getting up and moving around is important for your child's energy levels, development, sleep, and overall health and wellbeing.

Sometimes screen time and screen use can mean children sit still for too long without a break. But it doesn't have to be this way - you can use screen time to get your child moving.

Ideas for using screen time to encourage physical activity

Here are some ways to combine screen use with physical activity:

Plan a walk with your child using a digital map.

Take photos of interesting things you see on a walk. You can look at them later and talk about what you saw, or you could draw a map and add the photos to it.

Video your child learning a new skill like hopping, riding a bike, or doing a new skateboard trick. You can replay the footage so your child can see himself learning.

Watch videos set in places you'd like to visit together. For example, you could watch a video set at a beach, then go to the local beach.

Choose videos or apps that encourage your child to dance and sing along, or games that involve moving, like dancing games or virtual sports simulators.

Bring your child's screen time interests into off-screen play. For example, your child could dress up as a favourite TV character or use dolls and figurines to act out scenes.

Make use of natural breaks like advertisements or the end of game levels. For example, you could see how many star jumps you and your child can fit in before the ads finish.

Modelling screen time and physical activity

What you do and say guides your child's behaviour and attitudes in most things, including screen use. Your child is strongly influenced by the way you use screens and will copy what you do.

For example, if your child sees you sitting using a screen for long periods, she'll think screens are mostly for sitting still. But if your child sees you using screens to get moving, she's more likely to use screens for physical activity too.

Here are some ways you can be a role model for combining screen time with physical activity:

Show your child how you track your physical activity. You can talk about how good it feels to see how far you walked, cycled, swam or ran last week.

Show your child how you look up instructional videos before you do things that are physically active. For example, watch a video on how to pot a plant and then go outside and plant one.

Share your favourite physical activity apps with your child - for example, apps that guide you through dance or yoga. You could also try different yoga poses or dance routines together.

Get more ideas in our articles on physical activity for young children, physical activity for school-age children and physical activity: getting children involved.

Australia's physical activity guidelines for children

Being active every day is an important part of your child's routine.

Australia's Physical Activity and Sedentary Behaviour Guidelines recommend:

children aged 1-5 years should be physically active for three hours a day

children aged 5-18 years should have at least one hour of moderate to vigorous physical activity every day.

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Using screen time to encourage physical activity: 3-11 years

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Getting up and moving around is important for your child's energy levels, development, sleep, and overall health and wellbeing. Sometimes screen time and screen use can mean children sit still for too long without a break. But it doesn't have to be this way - you can use screen time to get your child moving.

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Raising Children Network link

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Why routines help with behaviour management

Routines help family members know who should do what, when, in what order and how often. For example, your children know that they take turns with loading and unloading the dishwasher each day. This can mean less conflict and fewer arguments about these kinds of boring activities.

A routine can also help you plan for times and activities when your child often misbehaves, like when you're shopping, driving or visiting. For example, a simple routine for driving might be listening to music or playing 'I spy' together, before your child looks at books by herself.

You can also build routines for young children around play, meals and sleep. When children have had enough good-quality sleep, nutritious food and plenty of play, they're more likely to behave the way you want.

And routines help young children feel safe and secure. They need to feel safe and secure to develop confidence and learn, including learning about appropriate ways to behave.

Creating routines

Here are some tips to get you started with family routines:

Plan routines for demanding times in the family day - for example, before and after work and school. Things often run more smoothly when you have a routine that gives everybody something to do or that keeps children busy while you get things done.

Add some downtime into your child's routine. This gives your child time for a sleep or rest, which can help with behaviour. It also gives him time to learn to entertain himself.

If you want to put time limits on some activities, like screen use, make this part of the routine. For example, children can watch TV or use their tablets, but only between 5 and 5.30 pm (or whatever suits your family).

Link two or more activities together. This can help your child get through boring activities faster. It also works because doing one activity helps you remember to do the other one. For example, your child could clean teeth while having a bath.

Talk about routines with your child. Even toddlers can understand simple, consistent explanations - for example, 'First clean teeth. Then story time with Dad'. And for school-age children, discussions about routines can help them learn important things like how to be ready on time.

Use language or ideas your child can understand to talk about your routine. For example, if your child is too young to understand time, try saying, 'We only watch Play School', instead of 'We only watch half an hour of TV'.

Getting children to follow routines

So you've got a routine, but how do you get your child to follow it - without nagging? Here are some ideas:

Put up an illustrated poster of your routine where everyone can see it. Making the poster with your child could be fun and give you the chance to talk about the routine.

Involve your child in parts of the routine that she can manage by herself - for example, washing her hands before eating.

Find ways to remind your child to follow the routine without your help. For example, put a radio alarm clock in your child's room. The music can be a signal that it's time to wake up, time to start getting ready for school, or time to come out of the bedroom in the morning.

Think about whether parts of the routine can be your child's responsibility. Your child can learn new skills and help the family by doing household chores. For example, a preschooler could set the table.

Watch out for and praise your child when he follows the routine without help.

Routines don't mean you and your family are rigid or inflexible. Changes and last-minute diversions are a normal part of life.

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Routines help family members know who should do what, when, in what order and how often. For example, your children know that they take turns with loading and unloading the dishwasher each day. This can mean less conflict and fewer arguments about these kinds of boring activities.

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Parenting resources from the Child Mind Institute

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Our clinical and supportive resources include:
And Today's Daily Tip: MAKE TIME FOR UNSTRUCTURED PLAY Click here for a playlist of previous Daily Tips. Click below to navigate to each section:
Supporting Kids Through the COVID-19 Crisis
Tips for nurturing and protecting children at home.

Supporting Teenagers and Young Adults During the Coronavirus Crisis
Tips for parents with older children at home.

Self-Care in the Time of Coronavirus
For parents, prioritizing your own well-being benefits your whole family.

Anxiety and Coping With the Coronavirus
Managing worry - your kids' and your own.

How Mindfulness Can Help During COVID-19
Tips for calming anxiety during a difficult time.

Talking to Kids About the Coronavirus
Kids worry more when they're kept in the dark. Here's what to say.

Giving Kids With ADHD Support and Structure During the Coronavirus Crisis
Managing attention (yours and theirs) will help kids thrive.

Resources for Families of Children on the Spectrum
From how to talk to kids with autism about the coronavirus to how to teach handwashing and develop schedules.

Anxious Stomach Aches and Headaches
Anxiety in children sometimes manifest physically. Here's what to watch for.

How to Help Children Manage Fears
Tips for teaching children how to build resilience and learn to calm themselves down, even when things feel scary.

Tips for Calming Anxious Kids
Go-to techniques for coaxing anxiety-prone children out of their fears from a Mom who's been there.

How to Avoid Passing Anxiety on to Your Kids
Help yourself, and them, by learning techniques to manage stress in a healthy way.

How Anxiety Leads to Disruptive Behavior
Kids who are acting out, melting down, or being defiant may actually be seriously anxious.

What to Do (and Not Do) When Children Are Anxious
How to respect their feelings without empowering their fears.

Panic Attacks and How to Treat Them
Knowing what to look for and how to help children calm down is key.

The Power of Mindfulness
How a meditation practice can help kids (and parents) feel less anxious and more relaxed.

Why Do Kids Have Problems With Transitions?
A look at why being asked to switch gears is a common trigger for whining and tantrums.

How Can We Help Kids With Transitions?
With the right support, children can learn to change gears without whining and tantrums.

Three Common Parenting Traps
And tips for avoiding them.

Why do Kids Have Tantrums and Meltdowns?
Understanding why they happen can help parents head problems off before they escalate.

How to Discipline Toddlers
Setting and enforcing consistent limits is key.

How To Make Time Outs Work
Tips for using them effectively.

When Siblings Won't Stop Fighting
How parents can keep the peace and help kids learn to resolve conflicts.

Helping Children Cope With Grief
Tips broken down into a range of ages and experiences, and information about what to say, who should say it, what to look out for and how to help.

How to Handle Holidays After a Death in the Family
Grief can make special days harder

What Is PTSD?
The disorder looks different in children as they develop

Treatment for PTSD
There are several evidence-based therapies for young people with PTSD

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Supporting Families During COVID-19 | Child Mind Institute

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Our clinical and supportive resources include: Facebook Live video chats with expert clinicians (10am and 4.30pm) Remote evaluations and telemedicine Phone consultations for follow-up about Facebook Live events and other questions about the best way to manage kids at home Daily tips for parenting during the crisis, via email Comprehensive resources for parents on coronavirus ...

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Parents can sign up to this newsletter for daily advice on managing children at home during COVID19

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Get Daily Advice About COVID-19

Sign up to receive daily tips in your inbox about how to support kids during the COVID-19 crisis. Our clinicians will share advice about structuring the day when kids are stuck at home, managing behavior, balancing work and child care, practicing mindfulness, and much more.

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Get Daily Advice About COVID-19 Sign up to receive daily tips in your inbox about how to support kids during the COVID-19 crisis. Our clinicians will share advice about structuring the day when kids are stuck at home, managing behavior, balancing work and child care, practicing mindfulness, and much more.