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Name: Maricar R. Paseos
Age: 44
High school: Sta Isabel College
College: Our lady of Fatima; physical therapist

Are you happy that you're single? Why
Maricar: Absolutely, kasi kontento ako sa buhay, I have a small business that can suffice my wants and needs. Also, I'm happy because I was able to help my relatives financially.

Did you choose to be single? Why?
Maricar: Yes. Because I saw the difficulty of being in a relationship. Haha don't get me wrong ha I've never had a boyfriend. In fact I had several suitors but never entertained any. The reason? I didn't see myself settling down. I'm not that type of person. I'm independent-minded.

What are the factors that affected your decision?
Maricar: 1) I'm independent eh so I felt like I don't need a relationship just to be fulfilled in life.
2) I've seen the struggles and difficulties of a failing and failed relationships. I have two brothers. Nakita ko pareho silang submissive sa asawa nila and I never liked that idea na magiging ganun rin ako kasi masyado nga akong independent. I do things on my own kahit na youngest and only girl ako sa family.
3) I felt like my obligation to my family is priceless and endless. The thought of giving made me really whole as a person.  Makita ko lang mga pamangkin kong masaya okay na ako. Kahit wala akong anak at asawa, masaya ako kasi wala naman akong naargabyado and I chose this path because God told me that I was meant for this.

At some point in your life, did you consider the idea of getting married?
Maricar: At times noong lates 20s and early 30s na ko kasi diba? Parang ang expectation sa women sa society kapag ganung age dapat, parang settling down ka na, then magkakaanak after ikasal. Actually, napaisip rin ako nun kasi I saw the joy of my parents nung nakita nila mga apo nila sa mga kapatid ko but I don't know. Hindi ko alam kung masyado akong picky sa lalaki or what pero parang tingin ko talaga, kaya ko naman eh. Masaya naman ako. Pero the thought of getting old without someone is frustrating rin. Napapaisip rin ako na, sana pala diba? Nagpakasal ako not just for myself pero kasi masaya rin yung may family. Nakita ko naman na kahit may struggles sa family, issues ganyan, marami ring times na masaya lang. Kapag reunion lahat sila may family picture kapag ako. Hahatakin ko mgapamangkin kong magpapicture sakin.

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SEMINAR
Attending the pre-cana seminar actually gave me a couple of things to think about and reflect on. I am only 20 years old, so I didn’t think that attending a talk about marriage would have any impact on me. To be honest, I have never been in a stable enough relationship to think about anything long term that would require me to sacrifice all my time and effort for another person. After witnessing these couples who attended the seminar, I realized that I am not that far enough from maybe wanting to settle down with someone who I’d possibly want to be with forever. Of course, I admired the youngest couple the most. I could see that their love was real & sincere, unlike the two couples who appeared to just be doing it because of the circumstances they were in. I would not want to be faced with the decision to get married to someone who I don’t personally see as someone who would help me grow as a person. I know that marriage is so much more than that, but if I don’t see the point of giving my all to someone, I would live my entire life regretting this decision. The last thing that I would want to happen is that I go from marriage to marriage just because I did not fully think of the long term effect of my actions. This is a very sacred thing and I would want it to be guided by my love for God, myself and my partner. It would not be an easy ride at all, but if it would be spent with someone who I truly love and respect, who feels the same way for me, it would be a precious and beautiful thing.

INTERVIEW
I have not encountered much people who have been living this type of life, but I am completely amazed by the courage and faith they have in themselves for being able to do so. Since I only barely just reached my 20s, I know that I have so much more things to encounter and experiences to go through. Ms. Maricar mentioned that she was never in a serious relationship, but that’s not the only reason that urged her to be single her entire life. Personally, I believe that if a woman or even man is secure with themselves, no matter if it’s financial, emotional, etc., they would really be capable of going through life alone. I don’t think it will always be easy though, but if God is there for you through it all, anything is possible.  I also think that it depends on how you’re raised or how you are as a person. If you are as independent and strong-willed as Ms. Maricar, then it would not be a problem.  Since all the experiences I am going through now are still shaping me as a person, I wouldn’t be as brave as her to think that I can handle life alone.

CLASS
Coming from an all-girls Catholic school, I entered college equipped with very strong values and religious beliefs. I expected that I would have religion subjects as well, but I knew it would be quite different since the life of St. John Baptist De La Salle would be entirely new to me. When I found out that we would have four TRED classes, I honestly wondered why it would even be relevant. I did not know that each TRED class would have a completely different focus from the previous one. Entering this term, I heard from my friends that TREDFOR would be about love, marriage and relationships. Like any person my age, I immediately thought it would be interesting. Our generation has been used to fast-paced interactions, whether it being romantic or merely day to day exchanges. Personally, I feel like this is not a good thing because I have learned to stop expecting from other people, since most things nowadays are based on shallow encounters that linger merely on the surface. This in return has had an effect to how I see myself as a person, since I measure my self worth on how quickly things and people change. Although, the different lessons that we have tackled this term has surprisingly helped me believe in myself more. With all the points regarding maturity, independence, different types of love and so on, I realized that it is ultimately up to me in the end. It is how I choose to see things, how I react to them and if I will let them bother me or distinguish how I feel. There are various people I have yet to encounter with different views and opinions, so I should just be open to every experience out there. I have realized that in order for me to build a strong relationship with someone, I should be able to love myself first.

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In the Pre-Cana seminar we attended, I learned how important it is to take these seriously. It is not just a means to get by in order to be able to get married rather, it is a preparation. It is to prepare the couple for marriage as well as prepare them for the life that is to come in their future. I learned how important it is to be prepared for marriage because it is devoting one’s life to another person’s, as well as devoting it to a family one is planning to have. It was also a learning experience not just for the couples but also for me regarding what is marriage and how God is involved in it. In the seminar it was mentioned how after marriage, God sees the couple as one and it made a lot of sense to me because in a wedding, the couple makes a vow and makes a promise to each other in front of God and with God as the center of their relationship. It is extremely important to have God in the center of one's marriage because it serves as a strong foundation and a great source of love for a family. I learned how important it is to be as prepared and sure as possible because there is no turning back in marriage. There is also no turning back and saying no to God because once we love someone, we would not want to do anything to hurt them.

I really enjoyed the interview because it made me see love in a whole new perspective. I saw  another person’s point of view regarding love and what she has been through in life to make such decisions.  I got to see and compare how different people’s priorities are from mine. I admire Maricar because she was able to determine what truly made her happy and what she thought was her purpose in life. I got to compare Maricar and I's point of view when it comes to love and relationships. I learned that compared to her, even though the love we both have for our family is priceless, I am still open and looking for a different kind of love.  In the interview we did, I also saw the importance of self love and contentment. I got to see how important it is to love yourself and be content with who you really are. That one of the first steps to love someone is to love yourself. I learned that it is not only important  to know what makes you truly happy but also pursue it as well as long as you are not hurting anyone in the process.

My TREDFOR experience was definitely meaningful. I’ve always been that type of person who had a tough personality and never showed emotion. I’ve always been very cynical regarding feelings most especially love. I would always avoid talking about anything regarding the matter because I never actually fully believed in it. I was the type of person to give tough love or no love at all sometimes. I’m known as the girl with the high walls and whose guards are always up. So going in this subject and having people tell me all we were going to be talking about were love and marriage certainly frightened me. Despite my fears, I tried my best to fully be in the moment and open my mind to the things I will be learning in class. The discussions in class helped me realize so many things about my generation and myself. I have learned how important it is to learn from my mistakes, live every moment and love every part of myself. I have realized that my mistakes are what make me stronger, that every moment makes me tougher and that loving myself helps me become better. For years now, I personally struggle with self love and constantly comparing myself to others but because of what we have tackled in class, I realized how unhealthy it is and how it does not benefit my growth as an individual. I’ve learned that as long as I keep doing this, I will never be happy. I learned that loving myself needs to be my top priority and that I need to keep in mind that comparison is the thief of joy.

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Since I was a small girl, I`ve always liked the idea of weddings. Little did I know that a wedding is just a small part of the whole process of marriage. When we attended the seminar, I felt excited because I love seeing happy couples who are so in love with each other so as Sister Cora went on with the seminar, I was able that God should always be the center of everything . I am not just talking about married couples here but also the people who have chosen the path of blessed singleness including priests and nuns. I have always believed that God is Love and without Love, we are nothing.

The Pre cana seminar made me feel that before a couple decides to get married, they should always be open to the idea of change and acceptance. The idea that change is permanent and we have to accept it, that you should always be open to change no matter how flawed your future husband or wife may be, you will still accept that person because of Love. Love knows no boundaries because it has been proven by God already that with Him I our lives, His love for us will always have no boundaries, limitless and overflowing. If God is the center of every relationship, it will be blessed not just with abundance of financial needs and other needs but with Love as its own framework.

For the interview proper, I admire Maricar because no matter how hard life can get, she always stays strong for her family. She also considered the idea of getting married at some point but she chose to stay single because of the three major factors. In this case, I believe that our decisions are always based on our experiences. More often than not, what I do not like about our society nowadays is that they see the single people as people who are unworthy of love, someone who is not loved fully, someone who is not contented, someone who is longing but in the case of our interview with a single woman, I was able to realize that one`s happiness is not measured by someone`s civil status. Life is how you make it. If you want yourself to be happy, then you`ll be happy. If you want to be contented, you will be if you think you can and if you allow yourself to do so. I love how she said that it is God`s plan for her, that she remained single because God wanted her to be stronger than she really is. I am a keen believer that what Maricar said was true, I also believe that God has already planted our dreams and our path in our hearts, we just have to grow just like what He wanted us to be.

Whatever path a person may take, with the guidance of the Lord, those paths will always be blessed. God should always be the center of everything because God is love and we can never go wrong when God is there guiding us. I was able to realize that there are a lot of factors to consider on which path to take but I am a believer that God`s plans will always be the best for all of us and He will never give us the path that could harm us, instead He always gives us the special path that He thinks we deserve. Marriage is not something that can easily be gotten and easily be forgotten. It does not work like that. It has to be filled with love, The same goes with blessed singleness and becoming a priest or a nun because as it was defined in our lecture, “It is the will to extend one`s self for the purpose of nurturing one`s own or another`s spiritual growth” and I think that`s the greatest gift that God has given us- to live with the purpose of Loving.

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The seminar started as sister Cora explained that she was chosen to speak for the pre-cana by Fr. Benjie Ledesma. She introduced us to the 3 couples attending the seminar; a young couple who were both HS teachers, a live in couple with 6 kids and a couple in their late 50s. Each couple was asked about their reasons for getting married. The first couple stated their love for each other, the second couple explained that it was because of their kids and the last couple mentioned it was cause of their age. This was followed by questions regarding the respective documents being required by the city hall.

All 3 couples were asked to answer the Marriage Expectation Inventory, then were told to exchange papers after they have accomplished them. Each couple interacted differently with each other. The young couple did not seem to take it too seriously, so sister Cora told them that they shouldn’t compare their answers since they would eventually see it anyway. A sample of the MEI was shown to us, which looked exactly the same to the one presented to us in class except that this one was translated into Filipino. Upon exchanging MEI’s, sister Cora asked what they found out about their partners. Being a reasonably new couple, the first said that they discovered a lot about the other. The second mentioned that there was not much revealed and the last felt that they were too old and had gone through a lot already.

This was followed by a few reminders about marriage like the candle symbolizes the light of their relationship, for an abundant marriage and so on. Sister Cora also kept on emphasizing that God should be the center of the relationship. She also said that communication is important, when the couple is going through a fight or a misunderstanding, both should talk about it. They shouldn’t last a day or let each other go to sleep with the other having negative feelings regarding the disagreement. Furthermore, she talked about being sure about the entire marriage. Since it is a big investment, both parties should be willing to give everything to the relationship. They should always love and help each other since they are now a union under the will of God.