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Then and now: Homosexuality in American pop culture

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From "All in the Family" to "Modern Family," a lot has changed over the past few decades about the way gay people and their relationships are portrayed in the media. The Post's Krissah Thompson stops by to explain.

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On Jan. 27, students from David Lloyd George Elementary and Churchill Secondary schools in Vancouver surprised shoppers at the Oakridge Mall with a cheerful flashmob. First one, then two, then many more students threw off their hoodies and sweaters and joined a dance to the sounds of Bruno Mars' song "Just the way you are." Their performance was videotaped and uploaded to YouTube on Feb. 5. By now the video has been viewed nearly 200,000 times. (You can watch it by clicking on the screen above).

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Students wore bright pink T-shirts with the word "Acceptance" and underneath it the phrase "Just the way you are." Principal Darren Mitzel, who uploaded the video wrote, "In honour of International Anti-Bullying Day, two schools came together to create a message of Acceptance and challenge others to use social media as a positive tool. Spread the word!" The "international anti-bullying day" Mitzel refers to is Feb. 23, 2011, also known as "Pink Shirt Day" in British Columbia. In other provinces and countries, the "Day of Pink" or International Day against Bullying, Discrimination and Homophobia is April 13 this year.

The students' energy and enthusiasm were infectious, and what's not to like about their message? Accept other people just the way they are!

Yet I can't help but notice something is missing from both this video and much of the publicity around Pink Shirt Day more generally: the fact that most bullying is homophobic or transphobic.

This is not a comment on the motivations of the student-dancers. In fact, the Vancouver Courier reports that the student who started off the flashmob "found the anti-bullying message significant because she has gay family members and was saddened by recent reports of suicides by gay American teens." (In the fall of 2010, within a period of three weeks, five young men between the ages of 13 and 19 committed suicide after suffering homophobic bullying.)

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How Pink Shirt Day started
But in the slogans on their T-shirts, the choice of song, the video caption, as well as in most of the information on the Pink Shirt Day website, one has to look hard to find references to homophobia and transphobia. This is odd, since the whole reason that Pink Shirt Day is Pink Shirt Day is that it celebrates the clever response of a group of students in a Nova Scotia high school to an instance of homophobic bullying. In 2007, a Grade 9 student at Central Kings Rural High School in Cambridge, Nova Scotia wore a pink polo shirt to school. The CBC reported that, "Bullies harassed the boy, called him a homosexual for wearing pink and threatened to beat him up." Two Grade 12 students decided to stand up for the victim, bought 50 pink shirts, and organized a "sea of pink."

It matters that the bullies did not pick on the Grade 9 student because his shirt was, say, considered out of fashion, but because a pink shirt was considered too girly for a boy, and a boy wearing it thus in transgression of a rule that has proven intransigent in many high schools: Thou Shalt Not Cross Gender Lines. Bullying in many schools is a way of policing gender norms and, it should be said, boys are typically policed more heavily than girls. It doesn't matter whether the student in question is actually gay or even questions his gender identity or sexual orientation. The perception is enough.

The comments on the YouTube video of the anti-bullying flashmob are a telling reminder of the homophobia and transphobia at the heart of much bullying. In addition to many general comments of appreciation, Chellspecker writes: "I would have been beat up for wearing a pink t-shirt at my high school in Calgary in the 'eighties. This video actually made me cry. Great dance, great video, great song, powerful message. My hope and prayer is that no one will have to live through what I did growing up gay in Calgary back then." And Coastalboi comments: "Amazing! Lived in the neighborhood and hung out in this mall as a closeted gay kid many, many years. Seeing this inspiring video now, it has brought me to tears."
Wear pink and take it further
So, by all means, wear pink tomorrow, Feb. 23, and encourage students like the ones at David Lloyd George Elementary and Churchill Secondary to continue spreading a message of acceptance. But please do remember: bullying in schools follows predictable social patterns, and homophobia and transphobia are particularly entrenched social patterns.

If teachers and school administrators seriously want to address bullying they will have to be explicit and unequivocal in their rejection of homophobia and transphobia and make it clear by their words and actions that kids of all sexes, genders and sexualities are equally welcome in their schools.

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Don't Forget Gay and Trans Kids Are Most Bullied | The Tyee

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On Jan. 27, students from David Lloyd George Elementary and Churchill Secondary schools in Vancouver surprised shoppers at the Oakridge Mall with a cheerful flashmob. First one, then two, then many more students threw off their hoodies and sweaters and joined a dance to the sounds of Bruno Mars' song "Just the way you are."

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What is an Ally?

An ally is someone who confronts heterosexism, homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, heterosexual and gender-straight privilege in themselves and others; advocates for the well-being of lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, and intersex people; and believes that heterosexism, homophobia, biphobia and transphobia are social justice issues.

Why are allies important?

Allies are important not only because they provide moral support when times get rough, but also because as LGBTQ people, we only make up a very small percentage of the general population and often our rights are voted on by people like you who are not LGBTQ. Therefore it's imperative that our allies be there to speak up for us and speak out against LGBTQ injustice when we cannot or when we're not around.

Allies are also important because as LGBTQ people, often we are bullied in schools, workplaces and have difficult home lives. Allies lift us up and give us the support we need in our darkest hours.

How can I be an ally?

Here are a few simple ways you can be an ally to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer people.

Assume that, wherever you go, there are gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, and queer people present who are wondering how safe the environment is for them. Provide safety by making it clear that you accept everyone.

Notice the many ways in which you reveal your heterosexuality. Imagine how it would feel if you had to keep it hidden.

Challenge the use of homophobic, biphobic, or transphobic jokes and epithets whenever you hear them; do not wait for gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, or queer people to do it.

Speak out about stereotyping, prejudice, and discrimination of any kind.

Sometimes it is the assumptions as well as anti-lgbt statements, which need challenging. The assumption that everyone present is heterosexual (Heterosexism) or cisgender (identifies as the gender they were assigned at birth) is discounting and hurtful to gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and queer people. Challenge it.

Use inclusive, affirming, or gender-neutral language when referring to romantic relationships and sexuality. If you use terms such as "partner", "companion", "s.o./significant other", "main squeeze", you convey openness to different kinds of relationships.

Get to know someone who is gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or queer. Listen to their feelings and experiences.

Some heterosexuals believe that gays and lesbians are attracted to everyone of the same gender. Don't assume just because a gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, or queer person of the same gender as you seems friendly or "comes out" to you that they are hitting on you.

In situations where it is unclear whether you are seeing a man or a woman, leave it that way. Your decision not to use gender pronouns will convey an inclusive environment where the gender of one's partner isn't relevant.

Realize that the cultural oppression of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and queer people is perpetuated in social situations where the only hugging and physical affection is between men and women. You can refrain from romantic touching with the other gender, and/or be affectionate with persons of the same gender.

Attend gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and queer cultural and community events. Read gay literature, books, and articles to educate yourself on the issues that face the LGBTQ community.

Wear pro-LGBTQ buttons and/or T-shirts, or those with anti-prejudice or pro-diversity themes.

On "National coming Out Day' (October 11), communicate your admiration and support to gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and queer friends who have taken the risk of disclosing their sexual orientation, and your empathy for those who continue to fear doing so.

Frequently Asked Questions

We know you've got questions, and we've got answers. Below are a few of the questions we get asked most frequently. Feel free to click through, and of course, if we haven't answered your question below - send us a message and we'll be happy to get back to you with an answer.

Terms relating to sexual orientation and gender identity vary based on culture, generation, location, and other determining factors. Adding additional letters to the acronym often connotes broader inclusion of different communities and community members. Some of the most common terms are as follows:

The "I" stands for Intersex:

Intersex is an umbrella term covering differences of sexual development, which can consist of diagnosable congenital conditions in which development of anatomic, chromosomal, or gonadal sex is atypical.

The "P" stands for Pansexual:

Pansexual refers to individuals who feel emotional and sexual attraction to, and intimate relations with, individuals of all gender identities and sexes.

The "A" stands for Asexual:

Asexual Refers to individuals who do not feel sexual attraction to others or have a desire for partnered sexuality. Asexuality is different than celibacy, which is the deliberate abstention from sexual activity.

The "+" represents inclusivity

It's becoming more and more common to see a plus sign at the end of LGBTQ. The + is intended to represent inclusivity of all people who may not identify with the words lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer, yet also do not identify as heterosexual or cisgender.

Queer refers to broad scope of sexual preferences that are not exclusively heterosexual and monogamous. Queer can refer to lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, transgender people, intersex persons, and more. This term was originally used as a slur against LGBT people, and although the word has been reappropriated, some LGBT people still find it highly offensive and it should be used with caution. Never refer to someone as queer unless they identify themselves has such first.

Genderqueer refers to someone whose gender identity is neither male nor female. Their gender identity is between or beyond genders, or is some combination of genders. Often includes a political agenda to challenge gender stereotypes and the gender binary system.

The best way to support someone who has recently come out is by first, letting them know that you love, accept, and support them no matter who they are and that your perception of them hasn't changed. You should also make efforts to become educated about the topics and issues of the LGBTQ community so you can better understand what they are going through. Knowing that they have your support is the greatest tool to ensure their happiness and well-being.

No. In fact, attempts to change one's sexual orientation or gender identity are extremely dangerous and often lead to internalized homophobia, depression, increased risk of drug and alcohol abuse, and even suicide. Conversion therapy has been discredited by all of the major medical associations and has been outlawed in 4 states (CA, IL, OR, NJ) and the District of Columbia. If you know someone who identifies as LGBTQ or is struggling with accepting themselves, the best thing you can do is let them know that you love, accept, and support them. Click here to learn more about the dangers of conversion therapy and actions you can take to stop it.

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How To Be An Ally | One Million Kids For Equality

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An ally is someone who confronts heterosexism, homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, heterosexual and gender-straight privilege in themselves and others; advocates for the well-being of lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, and intersex people; and believes that heterosexism, homophobia, biphobia and transphobia are social justice issues.

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What do you want to know?

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lino is an online web sticky note service that can be used to post memos, to-do lists, ideas, and photos anywhere on an online web canvas. lino is a completely free service that runs on all popular web browsers.

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Growing up, I have become accustomed to "forgetfulness" at the hands of publishers, producers, and authors-I turn on the TV; there are virtually no gay people, I go to the theatre, and again, the screen reflects the unrelatable sea of (usually hyper-masculine) straight people, I open a book and try to delve in-once again, no gay characters and no gay relationships that I can relate to. I close the book. I become disgruntled and bored during the movie. I turn off the TV. It is quite clear that the LGBT community is barely represented in the media-this is changing, but not fast enough. I can say from first hand experience as an out high school student: it sucks growing up feeling unrelatable, isolated, and like an anomaly.

While representation on TV and in books and in movies is ever important, lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youth suffer a real isolation in classrooms all across the country. No, I am not referring to the "forgetfulness" that leaves out Stonewall or other LGBT-relevant discussions and lessons from history and English classes-although this is important too, as it projects the message that our liberation was an inferior one, and impedes the formation of a common identity through our shared oppression and struggle. I am referring to the fact that across the country, in sex ed and health classes (if a school even provides comprehensive sex ed), straight and cisgender students are considered objectively normal, healthy, and, for some reason, more important than the gay student sitting in the desk behind them.
They get to learn about signs of violence in romantic relationships, why don't we? They're taught how their bodies are changing, why aren't we? They get to learn how to have safe sex, why don't we? They're taught how to avoid an STD or STI, why aren't we?
Why don't you mention me, is there something wrong with me- is my existence too inappropriate to divulge in?

We've won the right to marry who we want regardless of attraction in all fifty states, although the reality remains that our trans friends often have many hoops to jump through in order to legally wed. The next steps for the LGBT community are, of course, to secure the legal reality in which, you cannot be fired or face discrimination because of gender identity or sexual orientation, and to forcefully expand rights and safety for trans people- especially trans women of color. But, let's not continue to forget the rights of every student to receive accurate and relevant information pertaining to their sexual health and romantic relationships in the classroom. This is not close to being the reality. LGBT students frequently are well-versed on relationships, intimacy, and healthy behaviors that provide no good to themselves, while forced to research via the internet or confide in sanctuaries like Planned Parenthood for important information regarding their own health and safety.

It doesn't benefit anyone to "forget" the trans and gay students confined within the classroom's walls. It humiliates us. It furthers stigma. It causes us to unknowingly suffer unsafe sex and relationships. Why aren't we important enough? I remember how painful it was sitting in health class as an out, gay, high school student. I remember learning about stuff that would never affect me. I remember learning-before Obergefell v. Hodges-that sex was solely reserved for marriage, and therefore I should never know that intimacy. I remember feeling as if there was something wrong with me, so wrong with me, that my school-the place I was supposed to always feel safe in-had "forgotten" my existence. Surely, having a curriculum infiltrated with cisgenderism and heterosexism-presenting cisgender and heterosexual people as the norm-has helped my peers in their thinking that gay and trans classmates are unnatural, undeserving, and disordered. Hell, the teacher only teaches important stuff, right?! Why wasn't I- we -important enough? In some states, teachers can only talk about gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender students in a negative light-in most, they just exclude us from any and all narratives.
Eight states have "No Promo Homo" laws, wherein teachers are either barred from discussing LGBT issues or must discuss them in a negative fashion. An example of these appalling laws resides in Alabama where, "Classes must emphasize, in a factual manner and from a public health perspective, that homosexuality is not a lifestyle acceptable to the general public and that homosexual conduct is a criminal offense under the laws of the state." Alabama State Code § 16-40A-2(c)(8).
Our school boards and state superintendents have forgotten us, but namely legislators-regardless of party-have overlooked us. Those fighting for our equal treatment have usually been contained to the saints at Human Rights Campaign and Planned Parenthood. My call to Senators and Congressmen: represent your constituents. We aren't all straight. We aren't all cisgender. My health, and that of so many young people, is worth more than being snubbed for political narrative and gain. So, I call to light the humiliation and uncertainty that I, and many others, have gone through. I call to light the real discrimination that is legally felt in our classrooms. I call to light the reality that LGBT students throughout the country don't receive relevant information regarding sexual health, yet they have the highest rates of STIs and STDs. I call to light the reality that a system and curriculum that stiffs us will only continue to breed indifference and hate. Lastly, I beg that we rapidly begin changing this, that we recognize the existence of LGBT students in our classrooms, and that we start healing the wounds so many gay and trans high school students bear. The fight for LGBT youth, has only barely begun-we must wholeheartedly begin it now.
Matt is an out high school student. He believes one person's struggle is everyone's. Upon graduation, he hopes to study sociology or public policy.

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Because I'm Gay And In High School, Legislators Don't Care About My Health

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Growing up, I have become accustomed to "forgetfulness" at the hands of publishers, producers, and authors-I turn on the TV; there are virtually no gay people, I go to the theatre, and again, the screen reflects the unrelatable sea of (usually hyper-masculine) straight people, I open a book and try to delve in-once again, no gay characters and no gay relationships that I can relate to.

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Popularity in middle and high school operates as a heterosexist reward system. Who "fits in" and who does not has a great deal to do with heterosexuality and gender conformity, which makes it difficult for LGBTQ kids to engage in the school social scene. For adolescents, school is (significantly) about social connections, social possibilities, social hierarchies and navigating through them. A great deal of school social life is about reinforcing the "normalcy" of heterosexuality and marking those considered to not measure up as "weird" or "less than" in some way. For example, making new friends, avoiding insults and isolation, and being considered an important person in the school can be difficult for the girl who doesn't get dates with boys because she is not thought attractive, the boy uninterested in dating who focuses his time on academics, and anyone else who is either uninterested or cannot compete in the "heterosexual marketplace" ( Eckert, in Payne 2007) of high school. This experience is true for both boys and girls, but can be particularly salient for girls whose "worth" in high school is often evaluated by the boys they attract.

For adolescent girls, heterosexuality and a traditional presentation of femininity are the foundation of the high school social hierarchy. Attaining status requires dedication to the attraction of boys and this is often a primary topic of conversation in peer groups as is achieving a desirable feminine "look." Time spent developing individual skills and excellence in the arts, athletics, and academics gain less attention and validation for young women than does feminine attractiveness. This reinforces the idea that how a girl "looks" is more important than what she accomplishes. These cultural values are often supported by high schools through traditions and rituals such as "cutest couple" competitions, school dances, gendered dress codes, and election of popular girls to school titles such as "queen" where beauty and femininity are anointed with a rhinestone crown. So where does this leave adolescent lesbian and queer girls?

We know that young lesbian women often report feeling disconnected from peers and out of place in the high school social arena whether or not they are "out." Research consistently confirms that for teenage girls, popularity and heterosexual desirability are intertwined. One study reported that when teen girls were asked what characteristic was least likely for a popular girl, they said: "lesbian." In their estimation, popularity required attracting boys, and the activity of attracting boys required a lot of effort around which girls could bond and compete, forming relationships and positioning themselves in the social hierarchy ( Duncan, in Payne 2007). This creates social issues for lesbian and queer (L & Q) girls in two ways: 1.) The road to popularity is through attracting boys and that is not of interest to most L & Q girls. 2.) Hetero-feminine appearance work is an activity many L & Q girls are not interested in, yet it provides opportunity for peer connection and building friendships with other girls as well as recognition and position in the high school social arena.

Lesbian teens often describe themselves in contrast to the "popular" girls, using words like "perfect" to talk about "popular" girls' clothes, body size, and overall appearance. In my own research, one of my young lesbian-identified participants explained it this way: The popular girls "were cheerleaders, they wore make-up everyday, hair fixed perfectly. Never ate. They just weren't in my world. They were really skinny, cute hair, make-up, the right clothes, the right shoes." Another participant describing the difference between herself and popular girls focused on their concern with the opinions of others:

The popular girls did girlie girl stuff, just like, you know, getting your nails done, wearing make-up all the time, always doing your hair, you know, just those type of people. I was actually totally not into that, like, pretentious girlie girl type deal. Always worried about what you're wearing, how you're gonna look to other people.

The good news is that it may be that lesbian youth not striving for this sort of popularity and hetero-feminine desirability are able to develop healthier body image and feel more freedom of expression around gender. In discussing teen culture, one of my research participants brought up the numerous magazines targeted at young women. She said:

I didn't see one magazine that didn't have a diet in it, and how to look good for your boyfriend, you know what I mean? Why doesn't he look good for you? Why should it matter? Shouldn't you meet together? And it was a crock. And all the tests were 'Do you meet his standards?' I was like, 'No!' That was just so fake, I mean, maybe it's not for some girls, but I don't want to waste my whole life trying to add up my scores for some person, you know, that's stupid.

But the disparity in activities and focus on heterosexual dating can leave lesbian and queer girls often without a social group -- particularly in schools where there are no GSAs or other visibly queer or "out" students. A young woman in my study who identified herself as "a feminine lesbian" and a "musician" said she did like to wear make-up but felt that she just couldn't connect with the straight girls' constant focus on appearance and boys. She said, "I didn't have any girls to just hang out with... I really didn't like to talk about make-up and boys and that seemed to me that that's what they liked to talk about. So -- I didn't really know how to fit in with that." One high school senior in my research explained "I made good grades -- I was in a lot of activities but still -- it didn't mean much to people unless, you know, I have a boyfriend or I'm chasing after guys with the rest of the girls, you know."

Exclusion is painful and young women who don't conform to the sexual and gendered expectations of heterosexuality are more likely to face isolation, ridicule and the potential for being social outcasts. "Lezzie," "dyke" and "lesbian" used pejoratively are often intended to name a girl as "not mattering" -- not "counting" because she exists outside of the heterosexual social circuits of power and desirability -- regardless of her actual sexual identity. Teachers are so accustomed to hearing the name calling that they often don't react, further "normalizing" this behavior. Many lesbian and queer girls choose to retreat to the actual physical margins of the school, spending time in the library, a supportive teacher's classroom, or other less frequented areas of the school building to avoid harassment.

Schools continue to reinforce the importance of gender conformity in subtle and not so subtle ways, implicitly sanctioning the peer social hierarchy. This can leave lesbian and queer girls who seek recognition for their individual accomplishments -- rather than through appearance or relationships with/to boys -- at the margins. Students should not feel "out of place" or that they are "not fitting in" to their school environments because of their gender, how they choose to enact their gender, or their sexual attractions. What does it mean to "fit in" to school? How can we re-imagine what "fitting in" means for high schools? How can schools participate in shifting the cultural emphasis away from how a girl looks and her heterosexual desirability to how a girl thinks, contributes to her school, excels in sports, arts, and academics?

In recent years, significant research and funding have been directed toward increasing girls' participation in higher level math and science with modest gains, while research has also consistently found that gender stereotyping limits girls' success. One study indicated that only 13 percent of girls who are interested in science and math would make a career in those areas their first choice. This may in fact be because these fields are not seen as gender appropriate. Telling girls that they are not good at math and science because of their gender -- even just telling them once -- actually reduces their ability to succeed in those area. So if we are consistently telling girls that what they ARE and SHOULD be good at is looking pretty and cheering for the boys, it stands to reason that this too has an effect. Further, the ways a school rewards girl femininity rather than girl accomplishments might be counter productive to the stated educational goals of increasing girl success in math and science and many other areas.

So, here's a thought: Rhinestone crowns and satin sashes -- or their less normatively gendered equivalent -- should be awarded to the girls who excel in academics, in the arts, in sport, and in innovative community service. The school should create visibility for these high achievers through school assemblies, pep rallies, award ceremonies with great fanfare (let's say...just like for a homecoming football game.) They should occupy the professionally photographed in-color front pages of the high school yearbook. They should get special privileges like getting out of class early to attend the debate team competition or build a house for Habitat for Humanity. There should be no awards, no visibility, no privileges granted simply for attractiveness -- as model Cameron Russell recently so well stated it -- for winning the genetic lottery, or for successfully reproducing an expected femininity. The "Senior Superlatives" section of the yearbook displaying pictures of students deemed by their peers to be "most attractive," "sexiest," "biggest flirt," "cutest (heterosexual) couple" should be replaced with " most compassionate," "best team player," "most likely to cure cancer," "best endurance under duress," "most creative," "best problem solver," "most willing to help others," "most dedicated student." School-sanctioned recognition (such as what the yearbook confers) should be about significant contribution and accomplishment -- not about who has the "best bedroom eyes."

As with all forms of oppression, heterosexism reproduces and supports a society where some people are privileged over others and the perpetuation of heterosexism requires a feminine gender continually subordinated to the dominant masculine gender. For girls, high school popularity is the successful performance of that subordinated gender. Failure to properly display a sanctioned hetero-femininity is punished not only through name-calling and the ostracizing of resisters, but through ceasing to matter at all -- the later perhaps most painful in the social world of adolescence. Current school practices are invested in preserving the heterosexist structure of schools and in continuing to reinforce heterosexuality as the "norm" -- which reinforces "rigid gender role stereotypes that keep men and women in their respective places" ( MacGillivray, in Payne 2007). When we think about the answers to pressing educational issues like bullying or girls' low participation in science and math, it is imperative that we increase our understanding of "how schools operate as heteronormalizing institutions" in consistent and unexamined ways.

Among the many ways in which schools normalize heterosexuality is the institutional recognition of heterosexist popularity and through the celebration of popular young women who most closely conform to a narrow heteronormative standard for femininity. This sends a clear message to the school and larger community about what high school popularity is and who a girl must be if she wants a place on the high school social scene. Girls who are smart and academically successful, artistically accomplished, community engaged, or fierce sports competitors gain no such rewards for those efforts alone. We need to re-think what "fitting in" to a school environment should mean, align it with stated educational goals, and engage our schools in actively shifting the cultural emphasis away from how a girl looks and her heterosexual desirability to how a girl thinks, contributes to her school, excels in sports, arts, academics and community service. Yes, peer culture will be peer culture. But school as an institution should be encouraging and rewarding student achievements, not reinforcing heterosexist ideals. Reducing heterosexism in schools could in fact increase girls' interest and success in math and science, competitive athletics, and many other arenas, as well as reduce bullying AND make schools vastly more comfortable for LGBTQ kids.

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Popularity, Heterosexism and Girls' School Success

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Popularity in middle and high school operates as a heterosexist reward system. Who "fits in" and who does not has a great deal to do with heterosexuality and gender conformity, which makes it difficult for LGBTQ kids to engage in the school social scene.