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"Years later Gogol had learned the significance that it was a Bengali son's duty to shave his head in the wake of a parent's death"(Lahiri 92)This is a tradition the son does once a parent has passed. To recognizes the parent who has dies and grievances the son has. Although the process of shaving the head is portrayed as good, it can be destructive and dangerous. When Gogol's mother screamed when his father was shaving off all his hair with a disposable razor while bleeding. Shaving his head not for recognition but out of anger and grievance for the death, causing harm to himself in the process. Making traditions not all good but some can be harmful or bad even if the traditions have good intentions.

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¨ But Maxine had not understood being excluded from the families plans to travel to Calcutta that summer to see their relatives and scatter Ashokes ashes in the Ganges. . . And so, a few months after his fathers death, he stepped out of Maxine's life for good.(Lahini 201) ¨ This quote shows Gogol putting his family over Maxine after she misinterprets their plans on what to do with Ashokes death. As we know Gogol really liked how Maxine´s family life was until his fathers death which impacted him and he decided he needed to be near his family instead of Maxine.

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"When she was only five years old, she was asked by her relatives if she planned to get married in a red sari or a white gown. Though she refused to indulge them, she knew, even then, what the correct response was." (Lahiri 227)
People are often forced to chose between traditions such as this, with conflicting forces (such as family and what you want for yourself.) There is immense pressure, even from a young age, to chose between cultures and traditions.

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"Somewhere along the two-and-a-half journey, Nikhil evaporates and Gogol claims him again (Lahiri 114)."  Gogol's identity is affected by his environment. When he is away from home, he was Nikhil, surrounded by people who knew nothing of his past as Gogol. When he was home, he was Gogol, surrounded by his family.

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"And suddenly the sound of his pet name, uttered by his father as he has been accustomed to hearing it all his life, means something completely new, bound up with a catastrophe he has unwittingly embodied for years."(Lahiri 133) When Gogol learns the origin of his pet name, he sees it a lot differently from how he's seen it his entire life. His namesake, which he identified with the Russian writer who shares it, has a completely new meaning and purpose to him. Gogol thinks he has "unwittingly embodied" his father's near death experience for years, showing that his name is a big part of his identity.

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"At times he feels as if he's cast himself in a play, acting the part of twins, indistinguishable to the naked eye yet fundamentally different"(Lahiri 113). Even though it was his choice to change his name, Gogol feels as if he has two different identities and admits to the hard transition. Claiming that he never "fit" the name Gogol, he re-invents himself in college changing his name into his original good name. He faces somewhat of an identity crisis, not sure how to adapt to having his new persona, and admitting that even though his new name was accepted by his peers, he himself has not come to accept it just yet.

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"He fears himself being discovered, having the whole charade somehow unravel, and in nightmares his files exposed, his original name unprinted on the front pages of the Yale Daily News"(Lahiri 113)
Gogol feels like he has to fit in with his surroundings, going as far as changing his name in order to hide his "Gogol" identity. He believes that the identity he had growing up is something to be ashamed of and that he has to hide it from the world and resume his life as Nikhil in order to fit in.

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"(Sonia's) formerly shoulder-length hair has been chopped asymmetrically by one of her friends. Ashima lives in fear that Sonia will color a streak of it blond, as Sonia has threatened on more than one occasion to do, and that she will have additional holes pierced on her earlobes at the mall." (Lahiri 115)
To Ashima's dismay, Sonia is starting to break away from the Indian standards of beauty that Ashima seems to want her to follow and instead adopting American fashion that her culture might deem inappropriate to tradition. Being surrounded by American culture all her life, Sonia wants to fit in with the society around her and it can be inferred that Sonia feels that her Indian tradition serves as a barrier to her achieving that goal.

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Quickly, they began to argue about this, and about other things, Maxine going so far one day as to admit that she felt jealous of his mother and his sister, an accusation that struck Gogol so absurd that he had no energy to argue anymore. And so, a few months after his father's death, he stepped out of Maxine's life for good (Lahiri 201).

Gogol is finally growing out of his phase with Maxine and realizes that family is more important than this new lavish lifestyle he is living. The end of his relationship with Maxine marks the start of a new chapter for Gogol, meeting new people and focusing on himself and family more.

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"When his phone rings, he hopes it's Maxine, calling to coax him into leaving the office. Instead it's his mother" (Lahiri 153). This demonstrates how someone's idea of family can change. Even though Nikhil should be happy to hear from his mother (his real family), he's not. Instead, he wishes it was Maxine calling him, which reveals that Maxine has become his new family. This would be okay if she wasn't replacing Nikhil's biological family, but in a way, she is.

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"Ashima sits at the kitchen table on the Pemberton Road, addressing Christmas cards. A cup of Linton tea grows slowly cold by her hand. Three different address books are open before her, along with some calligraphy pens she's found in the desk drawer in Gogol's room, and the stack of cards, and a bit of dampened sponge to seal envelopes with." (Lahiri 171) Ashima is sitting at her kitchen table, making Christmas cards, a custom she had not adopted until living in America. In the earlier chapter, Ashima explains her family taking on "American" holidays. Although Ashima does not even celebrate Christmas as a religious day (she later explains) the holiday is so big in America that she has accepted it as a tradition in her family. Not to mention the Linton tea by her hand....not being a usual cultural drink. Ashima also goes on to describe her finding this idea in a library book; showing her assimilating to America's "show-boat" Christmas traditions.

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"im not he persisted. I dont get it. Why did you have to give me a pet name in the first place?Whats the point?"(Lahiri pg106) Gogol has struggled a lot throughout the book on his pet name and how growing up he always felt outcasted and different from other children with american names. While Gogol seems to be the only one who thinks he is different for his name, it still effects him and makes him feel alienated from his peers. He had such strong feelings of dislike for his name as a child that he still struggles with it as a grown man as if he was a teenager.

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He lies on on couch in the dark, in his clothes, his body covered by his jacket, preferring that to the stripped mattress in the bedroom(Lahiri 190)
Gogol's father has died and he feels alone so he is sitting on the couch in his father's apartment by himself but that's what he rather do at the moment.

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"He tells her about the meals he'd eaten on Indian trains the time he traveled with his family to Delhi and Agra, the rotis and slightly sour dal ordered at one station and delivered hot at the next(Lahiri 120) Tradition and culture affect all aspects of life, from mourning ones death to how food and drink is ordered and consumed on a train. Nearly every single aspect of life changes from culture to culture due to traditions.

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"But their parents had replied that in America, Bengali friends were the closest thing to family, (Lahiri, 214)" This quote reinforces the idea of the immigrant experience in America were as a minority even the furthest ties to home were explored. The their Bengali friends were family. This quote also explains the parties of all their Bengali friends and the travel form one place t another to see their Bengali friends. Taking ever chance and using every excuse to host them or see them.

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"I hate the name Gogel, i've always hated it." (Lahiri 109). This quote demonstrates the process Gogel has to go through in order to change his name, as well as depicting his hatred and anger for the name Gogel. As Gogel grows and becomes older he takes his live into his own hands and alters a large component of his life that has been an insecurity of his for a long time. His "coming of age" moment is changing his name, thus maturing and entering a new stage of his life.

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"He didnt want to go home on the weekends, to go with the pujos and bengali parties, to remain unquestionably in their world" (Lahiri)
he is become more independent and free as he is getting older and growing out of his younger self

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"He orders three certified copies of the name change decree, two for himself, and one for his parents to keep in their safe-deposit box. No one accompanies him on this legal rite of passage...(Lahiri 109)"
Gogol begins to take control of his life as he is growing up and changes him name to Nikhil. This shows coming of age because of how he makes this important decision on his own.