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Setting the Scene: How Can My Impulse-Driven Child Learn to Collaborate More Effectively?

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Setting the Scene: How Can My Impulse-Driven Child Learn to Collaborate More Effectively?

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It is essential for children to practice mindfulness and to be aware of what drives their own emotions as well as the emotions of those with whom they will collaborate.

Communication, trust, respect, acceptance, and setting boundaries contribute to building cooperation, teamwork, leadership, and problem-solving skills in children.

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Give children the vocabulary to express themselves

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Give children the vocabulary to express themselves

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It is important to teach children how to listen to their body signals and catch themselves before they react. Perceived emotional threats are unmet needs such as being treated fairly, getting attention, and being understood. Triggers come from prior experiences and it is important for children to know that people react to the same situations in different ways.

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each card provides a distraction for children

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Strategies to Identify Emotional Triggers at Home

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Strategies to Identify Emotional Triggers at Home

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Ways to Help Your Child Identify and Control their Emotions:

https://www.thepragmaticparent.com/help-kids-identify-control-emotions/

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When certain triggers elicit strong emotions, they an 'anchor' themselves to other ideas or emotions.

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When certain triggers elicit strong emotions, they an 'anchor' themselves to other ideas or emotions.

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To help children stabilize an emotional trigger, children can think about a happy memory and associate that with the happy feelings they felt during that time.

Anchor Charts are a great tool to help children self-monitor their behavior! They help give a remind children of their expectations.

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Anchor Charts 101: Why and How To Use Them

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A primer for newbies and a refresher for anchor chart pros!

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If thinking conflicts with emotion, emotion always wins--unless you know how to override the emotional hijack. Because emotionally hijacked brains usually make poor decisions, calming yourself down before you take a test, make a decision, or engage in a problem-solving conversation is in your own interest. Easy way to do this is to just take a deep breath as it has been shown in research that this simple routine could give more oxygen to the brain and lower blood pressure.

1. Remove yourself from the "scene of the crime" that has triggered the hijack. Find a comfortable place to sit. Sit with your back straight, stretch, yawn, and clear the mind of any problems.
2. Breath in deeply through your nose for a count of four seconds, hold for seven seconds, and then softly breath out through your mouth for a count of nine seconds. Repeat this deep breathing 10 to 20  times, and each time picture yourself exhaling tension.
3. Use anchoring to change your upsetting thoughts and feelings to more peaceful and helpful ones. Particularly, whatever mental image relaxes you the most.
4. Keep breathing deeply and going back to your soothing mental pictures, but start relaxing all of your muscles by starting from your head and then work your way down slowly.
5. If you practice this technique every day, it will be easier to get your body to cooperate when you are upset. Remember that repeating the link over and over sets the anchor.

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https://youtu.be/JD4O7ama3o8

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Reframing is the process of changing your expectations or perspective in order to make sense of a situation and get emotional relief. This process can turn around an emotional hijack and put you back in control of how your brain handles an emotional trigger. Reframing changes the way you think and act by adding new information or a different perspective to your original thinking.

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Parents are often frustrated, or shocked with their children's unhelpful, negative, faulty thinking styles. But the fact is that most children have negative thinking and children, teens and adults can all experience cognitive distortions. It's part of being human! Here are 4 steps to help children think more positively.

Do you often hear statements from your child like "I don't want to go to dancing, everyone hates me", "I can't do maths, I'm stupid", "I bet people will laugh at me"...?

Rather than rush to make false promises "I guarantee you nothing bad will happen", criticise "stop being so negative" or invalidate "oh don't be silly", you can give you child so much more by helping them learn how to reframe their thinking. Here's how:

1. Explain what thoughts are

Children (and adults!) often confuse thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Before your child is able to challenge unhelpful thoughts, they need to know what they are! Some good ideas are:

* Get out their favourite book with pictures, and try to guess what each character is thinking.

*Explain that a thought comes from your head and a feeling comes from your heart and body

*Ask your child to draw a situation that happened that day, then draw speech bubbles over people's heads and fill in the thought.

2. Discuss the difference between helpful and unhelpful thoughts

Explain that some thoughts make us feel good "I love playing with my friends!", some make us feel bad "I can't do anything right" and some make us feel neutral "hmmm...where are my shoes?". Giving a name for positive and negative thoughts can be a great way to distinguish between them. Some ideas are:

*Cheerful Chats vs. Terrible Talk

*Mr Worry vs. Miss Calm

*Negative Nancy's vs. Happy Chappy's

3. Gently challenge the thoughts by asking questions

Again, the best way for children to learn how to challenge their negative thoughts is for them to do it themselves. But you can definitely get this step started by asking open, non-judgemental questions to challenge the negative thoughts. Explain to your child that you are going to be detectives and try to find the clues of the missing happy thoughts:

*If a friend had the same thought, what would you say to him/her?

*Is there another way of thinking about the situation?

*Has this ever happened before? How did you handle it then?

*Is your mind coming up with the worst case? Could it be not so bad?

*If that does happen, how could you handle it?

4. Help them come up with an alternative

Make a list of all of your child's common negative thoughts in one column. Then, together you can come up with challenges for each one. Importantly, do not just come up with a unrealistically positive statement. e.g. if a child's negative thought is "I hate snakes, I will freak out", don't put "I love snakes and it won't bother me". They will quickly discover that this isn't true! Instead, try to come up with a balanced, realistic challenge e.g. "I don't like snakes, but if I see one I can breathe and walk away"

You can use this reframing chart to get you started!

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4 steps to help children think more positively. - Confident Life

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Parents are often frustrated, or shocked with their children's unhelpful, negative, faulty thinking styles. But the fact is that most children have negative thinking and children, teens and adults can all experience cognitive distortions. It's part of being human! Here are 4 steps to help children think more positively.

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help changing common negative thoughts

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Evaluating their own decisions builds students' self-confidence by helping them see that they have control over their choices. They understand they can get more of what they want by changing the way they act.
Children need to be able to observe their own behavior and record it in order to be able to recognize and change it.

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Self-Monitoring Strategies that can be used at school or at home:

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Self-Monitoring Strategies that can be used at school or at home:

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Make an outline for writing tasks, homework assignments, or multi-step assignments in order to keep the child on task.

Utilize a self-monitoring schedule- Ask the child to stop and self-check their actions, behaviors, or thoughts to make sure they are on-task.

Try an index card or other visual reminder on desks for a list of appropriate behaviors.

Use social stories to teach appropriate actions and reactions to specific situations in the home or classroom.

Incorporate a schedule of self-regulation strategies to address sensory, attention, and focusing needs. A sensory diet can help with this.

Teach the child to check and recheck- Teach children to stop and check and then re-check their behaviors.

Teach students to look at their finished assignment from their teacher’s eyes. This can help them have an outside view of completed work or actions in the classroom and adjust as appropriate.

Sensory or coping strategies scheduled throughout the day for sensory input or movement breaks.

Use a timer for scheduled self-assessment and self-reflection of behaviors or actions and recording of data.

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Building Collaboration Skills Through Active Listening

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Building Collaboration Skills Through Active Listening

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Children should practice active listening by interpreting the body language and tone of others in order to develop a more accurate understanding of their message. Children should be encouraged to listen and then repeat the message back to the speaker for clarification before responding or reacting.

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Building Collaboration Skills Through Role Play

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Building Collaboration Skills Through Role Play

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Children should practice reading the non-verbal cues of others. This can be done through partner-based role plays on recognizing emotions such as fear, happiness, sadness, anger, and frustration in order to learn how to process and react appropriately to those emotions in oneself and in others. This will pave the way for more meaningful interaction, discussion, and collaboration at home and at school.

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Children benefit from structure in their daily, weekly, and yearly routines, both at school and at home.

Establishing and maintaining routines can be taught by example.

Children can learn to reflect upon and self-monitor their routines to fit their individual preferences, obligations, and lifestyles.

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1. Explain the routine you'd like to establish. Include why it's important and what the expected outcomes are. Set reasonable limits and expectations.

2. Model your expectations. Use visual aids such as charts, calendars, and schedules.

3. Practice the routine together.

4. Implement the routine.

5. Review and revise the routine as necessary. Actively involve children in setting and monitoring routines, thinking about the use of their time, and assuming responsibility for their academic and free-time habits.

6. Incorporate academic routine with family routine.

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Collaboration Skills for Home and School

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Collaboration Skills for Home and School

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyM2HpAQQ2M&feature=youtu.be

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https://www.    upworthy.com/this-mother-s-description-of-her-tween-son-s-brain-is-a-must-read-for-all-parents