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Profile Of Peter Virdee Fan Club On Linkedin

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Profile Of Peter Virdee Fan Club On Linkedin

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On Linkedin Profile Of Peter Virdee fan Club

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How I Learned Confidence From Online Posers

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How I Learned Confidence From Online Posers

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It took a few bad dates to remind me to embody the confidence that I knew I had, but also sought in a partner.

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I was initially angry at these posers, but Morton helped me realize that other online daters might be more ashamed or insecure than actually arrogant. Compassion, not acquiescence to a date, would have been a better response to my wannabes.

Migrating from Quora to more formal advice, I continued my research with some online academic sources. A 2021 paper published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology by psychology professor Jessica Tracy and her graduate student Eric Mercadante discussed hubristic pride and deception more generally. They identified two facets of pride: "authentic pride, which is associated with achievement, high self-esteem, and prosocial personality traits; and hubristic pride, associated with arrogance, low self-esteem, and antisocial personality traits." That sounded like academic-speak for confidence and arrogance to me. These researchers explained that "findings suggest that hubristic pride may engender a willingness to lie to get ahead, but only in situations where one's status has been threatened." I began to wonder. Had I threatened their status or pride?

Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and chief science advisor to Match, spoke to me about her research and how most people are looking for companionship, not just sex. This desire for connection, especially after the pandemic, can lead people to misrepresent themselves in their profiles.

Fisher explains that daters who lie or exaggerate their talents are just trying to be selected. "From a Darwinian perspective, courtship is not about honesty, it's about winning," she says. "Most people who brag and show off just want to win." She compares daters with other animals, including the peacock. "Those tail feathers are a handicap, but they impress." She acknowledges, "Of course, there are some fools, but the vast majority just want to love and be loved."

Fisher connected me with Amy Canaday, director of public relations and marketing at Match. Canaday echoed Fisher's idea that people just want to impress and will stretch the truth to do it. She suggests that people "want to get a date, woo you, and win you over," regardless of whether they actually think you are a good fit for each other.

She also explained why I may have been paired with so many people that didn't resemble my imagined partner. The Match dating algorithm, she explains, uses a "watch and learn" methodology. The site watches the choices that a person makes and matches that person with more of those similar choices. So "men who select women they rate as a '10' will get more profiles like that '10,' even if they themselves are a '5,'" says Canaday. Thus, if I lacked confidence and selected the 5s, or merely responded politely to a lot of 5s, I would get more 5s. She adds that about 75 percent of people on the platform don't really know what they want, so that's important to consider too. According to her, many ultimately say they never would have met, dated, or even considered a person if it weren't for Match. Canaday recommends, "Be confident in what you know you want and deserve."

After my rough start, I decided to act as confident as the mediocre white men I'd met. So I went for someone who seemed out of my league and contacted him. When we finally met, he was attractive and smart, and we initially got along well. Too soon, however, he apologized and told me that he should be going. He'd just started dating someone else and wanted to see where that relationship would go.

"Why did you meet me today then?" I asked.

"I guess I was curious to see if you were real. You are. You're as intelligent and beautiful as you seemed online."

I saw him at an academic event several years later. He recognized me, smiled, and I thought I heard him say, "Just as beautiful!" With confidence gained from my research and experiences, I'm still looking to meet my match.

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How I Learned Confidence From Online Posers

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I was initially angry at these posers, but Morton helped me realize that other online daters might be more ashamed or insecure than actually arrogant. Compassion, not acquiescence to a date, would have been a better response to my wannabes. Migrating from Quora to more formal advice, I continued my research with some online academic sources.

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'I Read 300 Self-Help Books, These Are The Top 3 Life Lessons I Learned'

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'I Read 300 Self-Help Books, These Are The Top 3 Life Lessons I Learned'

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MY TURN

'I Read 300 Self-Help Books, These Are The Top 3 Life Lessons I Learned'

MASHA FINKELSTEIN
ON 9/12/22 AT 1:40 PM EDT

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MY TURN

READING

PSYCHOLOGY

I've always loved reading. Whilst growing up in Siberia, my mom used to work as a bookstore manager, and in my younger years, she would always bring books home for me to read, but they were mostly fiction.

When I was 13, my desire to read self-help and psychology books formed. At the time, I became really curious about personality tests and learning more about myself, discovering who I was and why I was wired a certain way. So, I spent my time in the self-help section of bookstores, seeking out books that included personality tests and astrology.

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I've always loved reading. Whilst growing up in Siberia, my mom used to work as a bookstore manager, and in my younger years, she would always bring books home for me to read, but they were mostly fiction.

When I was 13, my desire to read self-help and psychology books formed. At the time, I became really curious about personality tests and learning more about myself, discovering who I was and why I was wired a certain way. So, I spent my time in the self-help section of bookstores, seeking out books that included personality tests and astrology.

My mom's friend, who was a therapist, had a big influence on me in my childhood. She gave me my first psychology book called "Games People Play" by Eric Berne. It fascinated me. Because of this, I would read one book after another on the topic of human relationships-I was averaging one book per week.

When I got my hands on Carl Jung's "Personality Types", I realized that I could study the theory of psychology, but also do the personality tests that were included in the book. My family, on the other hand, didn't quite share the same enthusiasm that I had for psychology and self-help books back in the '90s. They thought it was a waste of time because in Siberia, where I grew up, psychology wasn't a well-paid profession. So my family helped me to see that a psychology degree may not get me as far as I wanted to go.

After my sophomore year, I moved to the U.S. at the age of 18 and transferred to the University Of California in Santa Cruz to study molecular biology. The move prompted a series of panic attacks while I was in college because it was such a big transition. I remember the first attack occurred shortly after I moved to Santa Cruz. I was studying for my finals when suddenly my heartbeat sped up and the whole world started to seem unreal. It was very scary, so I went to the medical center, where the doctor confirmed that it was, indeed, an anxiety-induced panic attack. Following this, I learned all I could about anxiety and panic attacks. Books like "Anxiety & Panic Attacks" by Robert Handly helped me learn to cope with them.

I graduated college when I was 20. I wasn't a huge fan of biology but decided to give it a shot and see if I'd like it more if I got paid for it. But I didn't, so I pivoted into marketing because I was always interested in human interaction.

It was then that I began reading the majority of the self-help books that shaped who I am now at the age of 39. After graduating, I rented a studio in the San Francisco Bay Area. Even after switching my career to marketing, I still didn't feel happy. I decided my sadness must have something to do with my parent's divorce that took place when I was 4 years old, and the lack of clarity around what my life's purpose was.

When I was 22, I started seeing a therapist and continued reading all the books I could find on relationships, life's purpose, and meaning. The two books that gave me strength during that time were Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning", and "Becoming Attached" by Robert Karen. I learned that people with anxious attachment styles, something I had learned about myself, need to be fulfilled and have a purpose. I realized then that I needed to do things that brought me joy.

Therapy helped me process my feelings about my parent's divorce and as a result, I stopped using it as an excuse for my sadness. Instead, I researched and became even more curious about the human brain. My focus started to shift from blaming my circumstances and my upbringing for my unhappiness, to taking responsibility for my own life. It gave me power. One of the books that helped a lot with that is "Pulling Your Own Strings" by Wayne Dyer. It helped me pinpoint that, in my view, I am solely responsible for my well-being.

From then on, whenever I had any issue, I found a book about it. Whether my question was about relationships, kids, or finance, there was always something to read. I was reading so many self-help books that they started blending into one big self-help pool of knowledge in my mind. I started to notice common themes.

One overarching theme that constantly came up was the idea that we were all subconsciously driven by fear. For example, the fear of hurting someone can make us filter the way that we are with that person, or how we tell them what we want and what we don't want. The fear of being alone can drive and change our behavior, in the hope of trying to avoid that feeling.

It took years of therapy and loads of books to understand that I was good enough, as I am, without trying to alter myself. Tara Brach's "Radical Acceptance" played a part in my learning to accept myself as I am.

The more I read, the better I felt about my life. My panic attacks diminished over time as I better understood the fears behind them. I learned about catastrophic thinking from the book "Full Catastrophe Living" by Jon Kabat-Zinn and started to become more aware of my own thinking traps. I got better and better at catching myself whenever a destructive thought crossed my mind. I knew then that I had a choice on how to respond to the thought. I was the one who decided what to do next. Often, I chose to breathe through the fear and move on.

Over the years and reading more than 300 self-help books, there were three key points that have helped me navigate my life:

It is OK to feel pain

Whether it's physical or emotional, pain is a part of life. This was a message that I saw in at least ten books that I have read; "Untethered Soul" by Michael Singer is one of my favorite books because it helped me to realize that pain is a normal part of life and that when we resist pain, we can suffer further. We can't control pain, but we can accept the feeling, in order to reduce the amount of suffering. Another book called "Letting Go" by David Hawkins, also gave me a framework for processing pain in a more efficient way. The books I read led me to believe that feeling uncomfortable emotions, rather than suppressing them, can allow us to heal quicker.

Through reading these books, I picked up an ongoing theme that people often spend their lives resisting and avoiding pain, but in resisting it, we can cause ourselves more suffering. The books I read looked at how, if you focus on the feelings, emotions, and sensations while being present with them, you allow yourself to feel them. Scientifically, emotions only stay with us for a duration of 90 seconds at a time before they change to something else. In just a few minutes, you can let your pain run its course. I do this all the time whenever I feel overwhelmed by a strong emotion.

For example, when my kids get hurt, it's really difficult for me to see them helpless and in pain. Sometimes it makes me feel frustrated, angry, or sad. I spend a few moments observing all those emotions in my body and let them run their course. As they pass through, I feel lighter and have more resources to help my children efficiently. Of course, I don't always have the time to do this, but I strive to at least notice my emotions rather than reflectively reacting from the place of pain at the moment.

Accepting my reality as it is

At one point in my search for an explanation of life's meaning and purpose, I stumbled upon the book called "Many Lives, Many Masters" by Dr. Brian Weiss. It is a book that is controversial to some, as Weiss discusses his theories about past lives and reincarnation and how past-life therapy can help people overcome their problems, but I loved it because it gave me the answers I wanted-it says we are born into this world to fulfill a karmic lesson or a greater purpose. I searched for more on the topic and read "Reality Unveiled" by Ziad Masri, which looks at spiritual fulfillment in life.

I believe every experience is a learning opportunity, no matter how hard it is. Another book I read called "Radical Forgiveness" by Colin Tipping, talks about how we can apply this knowledge to challenging situations and improve our day-to-day quality of life. Reading these books helped me come to the belief that we're not given anything in life that we cannot handle. To me, it's more about recognizing things that you can control and accepting the things that you can't. For example, when wars happen, especially in my home-the former USSR, it's really hard to comprehend. But believing that reality is exactly the way it's supposed to be allows me to make sense of that kind of evil.

Being open to the connection between mind and body

Another big theme I saw come up while reading self-help books was the mind-body connection and how our emotional issues can show up physically in our bodies. This led me to looking at the scientific connection between the mind and body, and what had been written about it by medical professionals, as well as exploring some of the more spiritual texts written on the subject.

"Mind Over Medicine" by Lissa Rankin, MD, which explores the idea that the mind has a part to play in physical healing, was the first book I read on this topic. After reading it, I attended an introductory Hakomi workshop. Hakomi is mindful somatic psychotherapy, and the course looked at using the body to heal emotional trauma. Of course, I later read a book on this topic called "Hakomi Mindfulness-Centered Somatic Psychotherapy" by H. Weiss, G Johanson, and L Monda. I also read a more spiritually focused book, Caroline Myss' "Anatomy of the Spirit." Although it takes a more anecdotal approach, Myss' book combines some Eastern and Western knowledge about the body and how energy flows within it, and I found some of the information really interesting to contemplate.

Many of the ideas I read in these books made sense to me, because when I was a child, I would become sick right before my major tests in school. This became so bad, that my mum thought I was heating up the thermometer.

I also remember that my grandmother has always been reluctant to ask for help as she did not want to inconvenience anyone. She was scared to be a burden, to the point where she couldn't babysit our kids because she could not ask a friend for a ride to our house. She wanted to be a hundred percent self-reliant. Eventually, she became sick and could barely move. It seemed to reflect what I had read that says that if you are too tired, or burnt out, it will begin to show in your body, and your body will make sure that you will address this issue.

Although I have read so many books, I never thought that reading was a waste of time. Ever since audio books became available, I started listening to books while driving and reading other books when I'm not. Consuming this many self-help works was helpful for me to see common themes that were applicable to my life.

I love reading. Whenever I have a question, or when there is something I don't understand, I turn to books. It might take something else for other people, but I have been able to find answers to the questions I posed to myself through reading self-help books.
Masha Finkelstein, 39, is a marketing manager. Her aim is to help others figure out ways to make their lives feel more satisfying, balanced, and happy by reading and recommending self-help books. All views expressed in this article are the author's own. As told to Carine Harb.

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"I read 300 self-help books, these are the top 3 life lessons I learned"

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I've always loved reading. Whilst growing up in Siberia, my mom used to work as a bookstore manager, and in my younger years, she would always bring books home for me to read, but they were mostly fiction. When I was 13, my desire to read self-help and psychology books formed.

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7 Smart Phrases People With High Emotional Intelligence Keep Saying Over and Over, and Why

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7 Smart Phrases People With High Emotional Intelligence Keep Saying Over and Over, and Why

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7 Smart Phrases People With High Emotional Intelligence Keep Saying Over and Over, and Why

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Personally, I'm more likely to do things if they're easy. That's why I'm a big fan of the simplest emotional intelligence-improving idea I've ever come across: memorizing specific words and phrases that leverage emotions in positive ways to make it more likely you'll achieve your goals.

Over time, these phrases become second-nature, you begin to notice why they work.

It's sort of like learning phrases in a foreign language phonetically, only to realize after using them for a while that you better understand what they actually mean and how to spell them.

Enough preamble, let's dive in. Here are seven smart, simple, specific things that people with high emotional intelligence learn to say reflexively, over and over.

1. "Let's think about why."

"Why" is a magic word. It's like a linguistic can opener that pries motivations free, and separates emotion from objectivity.

"Why are we all competing to buy the same product?"

"Why am I working so hard on this one particular project?"

"Why am I so quick to respond when this demanding client asks something of me?"

"Why am I still working late nights and weekends, when my family would rather have me home?"

"Why is the person in that car yelling at me?"

People who challenge themselves to ask this question over and over, both silently (to themselves) and out loud, are more likely to find the things that they're emotionally motivated to achieve, and to avoid the ones they don't.

And when they find unhealthy emotions acting as the driving forces, they can look elsewhere.

2. "Thank you." (Also "please" and "you're welcome.")

Politeness costs nothing. But people with high emotional intelligence understand that gratitude is one of the keys to happiness in life, which can only leave people feeling good about those who express it to them.

Bonus point no. 1: Find opportunities to end conversations with expressions of sincere, uncontroversial thanks. (Emphasis on "uncontroversial." Things like "Thank you for taking the time to talk," as opposed to "Thank you for coming around to my point of view.")

Bonus point no. 2: Saying "You're welcome," instead of more dismissive phrases like "No problem," acknowledges that you've done something for someone else that is worthy of gratitude. It's a trigger for positive reactions in others.

They're such short phrases, and we use them all the time. But emotionally intelligent people do so intentionally--going into conversations looking for an opportunity to repeat them, because they learn how powerful they can be.

3. "No, thank you."

Yes, I listed this one next because it's the seeming opposite of the previous phrase. But, good fences make good neighbors, and healthy boundaries make for healthy relationships.

In short, people with high emotional intelligence understand that saying no when they're offered something they don't really want, whether it's a business opportunity or an invitation or a flyer on the street, is a mark of respect to other people.

It says you respect your time, and you're going to respect other people's as well.

Note how this connects to the very first phrase in this list, above: You have to challenge yourself to ask why enough times to understand the things you should politely say "No, thank you" to.

4. "Can I see if I understand?"

There's a lot of power packed into these six words, and emotionally intelligent people appreciate why.

First, no matter what happens after this sentence, you've signaled to someone else that you care to make the attempt to understand where they're coming from. You're not assuming you understand and you're not ignoring them. You're making the effort.

Second, the fact that it's phrased as a question? Chef's kiss. There's emotional power in asking permission like this, and it likely gives you leeway as you articulate your understanding.

Finally, it's powerful because if you're asking to understand, you're not saying things that are less effective at building rapport; for example, summarily assuming "Look, I know how you feel."

Whether we're talking about people's deep convictions, or their experiences -- or even the details of a supply they need to purchase, or driving directions -- everyone wants to be understood. But, most people also understand how difficult it is to do that, if you truly mean it.

Anyway, ask the question like this, and then articulate what you think you understand as a test. You'll be amazed at the results.

5. "I make this mistake all the time ..."

Quick background on this one. People with high emotional intelligence understand that if you want someone to agree with you, or to choose the course of action you want them to follow, it makes sense to make it easy for them to do so.

It sounds basic, but this is the exact opposite of the way many people try to persuade others to do things: basically by brute force. Just imagine the emotional reaction you'd have to someone saying each of the following two things to you, and comparatively how likely you'd be to go along:

Example no. 1: "I can't believe you were so foolish as to make this mistake! You need to fix it right now!"

Example no. 2: "I make this mistake all the time; it's so easy to miss. I wonder if you'd check and see if you might have done something similar."

See what I mean? Granted, "I make this mistake" is a bit of a placeholder phrase on this list; the point is to use your words to create emotional safety valves that make it easier for people to shed negative emotions in any situation, and simply act in your interest.

Starting out by stating that you often make the very mistake you're about to discuss suggests that there's not an issue of moral failing or superiority here (warning: bad emotions!). You're just looking for answers.

6. "Can I ask for some advice?"

If there's a person on this beautiful planet of ours who isn't flattered when asked to give their advice, I haven't met them. So, almost no matter what else you follow this question with, people with high emotional intelligence know that it's geared to trigger a warm response.

But, there's actually a centuries-old technique attached to this, in that people are also hard-wired to want to be able to help others -- or at the very least, to know that they could help others if they wanted to. (Ben Franklin wrote about this phenomenon in the 1770s.)

Bottom line, the request suggests that others have or know something you don't. Emotionally intelligent people know that increases pride, and interest, and maybe willingness to cooperate.

(Bonus level on this one, the next time you see the same person? "I took your suggestion to ...")

7. "I expect a lot from you ..."

We'll end with a phrase that's truly next-level, because it probably presages something negative, but it works anyway. In short, these six words can only be taken as a compliment, but they're very likely to be followed by something more difficult:

"I expect a lot from you, but this time you came up short."

"I expect a lot from you, and that's why I'm so disappointed."

"I want you here because you're amazing, and I need to know I can rely on you."

On Dax Shepherd's Armchair Expert podcast, Bill Gates once explained how this kind of approach was key to his leadership style at Microsoft. Actually, Gates used a slightly different phrase: "The reason you're here is because you're amazing."

But, as you might expect, it was often followed with something like, "But, you're not meeting expectations at the moment." These kinds of phrases are designed to leverage other people's pride and even guilt, to get them to perform.

Actually, this is a great example to leave things on, because it illustrates how practicing emotional intelligence doesn't always mean being nice to people. That can be a great side-effect, but it's not the ultimate goal.

Instead, I write in my free e-book, 9 Smart Habits of People With Very High Emotional Intelligence, it's all about leveraging emotions -- both yours and other people's -- to make it more likely you'll meet achieve goals.

Personally, I'm more likely to do things if they're easy. That's why I'm a big fan of the simplest emotional intelligence-improving idea I've ever come across: memorizing specific words and phrases that leverage emotions in positive ways to make it more likely you'll achieve your goals.

Over time, these phrases become second-nature, you begin to notice why they work.

It's sort of like learning phrases in a foreign language phonetically, only to realize after using them for a while that you better understand what they actually mean and how to spell them.

Enough preamble, let's dive in. Here are seven smart, simple, specific things that people with high emotional intelligence learn to say reflexively, over and over.

1. "Let's think about why."

"Why" is a magic word. It's like a linguistic can opener that pries motivations free, and separates emotion from objectivity.

"Why are we all competing to buy the same product?"

"Why am I working so hard on this one particular project?"

"Why am I so quick to respond when this demanding client asks something of me?"

"Why am I still working late nights and weekends, when my family would rather have me home?"

"Why is the person in that car yelling at me?"

People who challenge themselves to ask this question over and over, both silently (to themselves) and out loud, are more likely to find the things that they're emotionally motivated to achieve, and to avoid the ones they don't.

And when they find unhealthy emotions acting as the driving forces, they can look elsewhere.

Politeness costs nothing. But people with high emotional intelligence understand that gratitude is one of the keys to happiness in life, which can only leave people feeling good about those who express it to them.

Bonus point no. 1: Find opportunities to end conversations with expressions of sincere, uncontroversial thanks. (Emphasis on "uncontroversial." Things like "Thank you for taking the time to talk," as opposed to "Thank you for coming around to my point of view.")

Bonus point no. 2: Saying "You're welcome," instead of more dismissive phrases like "No problem," acknowledges that you've done something for someone else that is worthy of gratitude. It's a trigger for positive reactions in others.

They're such short phrases, and we use them all the time. But emotionally intelligent people do so intentionally--going into conversations looking for an opportunity to repeat them, because they learn how powerful they can be.

3. "No, thank you."

Yes, I listed this one next because it's the seeming opposite of the previous phrase. But, good fences make good neighbors, and healthy boundaries make for healthy relationships.

In short, people with high emotional intelligence understand that saying no when they're offered something they don't really want, whether it's a business opportunity or an invitation or a flyer on the street, is a mark of respect to other people.

It says you respect your time, and you're going to respect other people's as well.

Note how this connects to the very first phrase in this list, above: You have to challenge yourself to ask why enough times to understand the things you should politely say "No, thank you" to.

There's a lot of power packed into these six words, and emotionally intelligent people appreciate why.

First, no matter what happens after this sentence, you've signaled to someone else that you care to make the attempt to understand where they're coming from. You're not assuming you understand and you're not ignoring them. You're making the effort.

Second, the fact that it's phrased as a question? Chef's kiss. There's emotional power in asking permission like this, and it likely gives you leeway as you articulate your understanding.

Finally, it's powerful because if you're asking to understand, you're not saying things that are less effective at building rapport; for example, summarily assuming "Look, I know how you feel."

Whether we're talking about people's deep convictions, or their experiences -- or even the details of a supply they need to purchase, or driving directions -- everyone wants to be understood. But, most people also understand how difficult it is to do that, if you truly mean it.

Anyway, ask the question like this, and then articulate what you think you understand as a test. You'll be amazed at the results.

Quick background on this one. People with high emotional intelligence understand that if you want someone to agree with you, or to choose the course of action you want them to follow, it makes sense to make it easy for them to do so.

It sounds basic, but this is the exact opposite of the way many people try to persuade others to do things: basically by brute force. Just imagine the emotional reaction you'd have to someone saying each of the following two things to you, and comparatively how likely you'd be to go along:

Example no. 1: "I can't believe you were so foolish as to make this mistake! You need to fix it right now!"

Example no. 2: "I make this mistake all the time; it's so easy to miss. I wonder if you'd check and see if you might have done something similar."

See what I mean? Granted, "I make this mistake" is a bit of a placeholder phrase on this list; the point is to use your words to create emotional safety valves that make it easier for people to shed negative emotions in any situation, and simply act in your interest.

Starting out by stating that you often make the very mistake you're about to discuss suggests that there's not an issue of moral failing or superiority here (warning: bad emotions!). You're just looking for answers.

If there's a person on this beautiful planet of ours who isn't flattered when asked to give their advice, I haven't met them. So, almost no matter what else you follow this question with, people with high emotional intelligence know that it's geared to trigger a warm response.

But, there's actually a centuries-old technique attached to this, in that people are also hard-wired to want to be able to help others -- or at the very least, to know that they could help others if they wanted to. (Ben Franklin wrote about this phenomenon in the 1770s.)

Bottom line, the request suggests that others have or know something you don't. Emotionally intelligent people know that increases pride, and interest, and maybe willingness to cooperate.

(Bonus level on this one, the next time you see the same person? "I took your suggestion to ...")

We'll end with a phrase that's truly next-level, because it probably presages something negative, but it works anyway. In short, these six words can only be taken as a compliment, but they're very likely to be followed by something more difficult:

"I expect a lot from you, but this time you came up short."

"I expect a lot from you, and that's why I'm so disappointed."

"I want you here because you're amazing, and I need to know I can rely on you."

On Dax Shepherd's Armchair Expert podcast, Bill Gates once explained how this kind of approach was key to his leadership style at Microsoft. Actually, Gates used a slightly different phrase: "The reason you're here is because you're amazing."

But, as you might expect, it was often followed with something like, "But, you're not meeting expectations at the moment." These kinds of phrases are designed to leverage other people's pride and even guilt, to get them to perform.

Actually, this is a great example to leave things on, because it illustrates how practicing emotional intelligence doesn't always mean being nice to people. That can be a great side-effect, but it's not the ultimate goal.

Instead, I write in my free e-book, 9 Smart Habits of People With Very High Emotional Intelligence, it's all about leveraging emotions -- both yours and other people's -- to make it more likely you'll meet achieve goals.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
7 Smart Phrases People With High Emotional Intelligence Keep Saying Over and Over, and Why

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Personally, I'm more likely to do things if they're easy. That's why I'm a big fan of the simplest emotional intelligence-improving idea I've ever come across: memorizing specific words and phrases that leverage emotions in positive ways to make it more likely you'll achieve your goals.

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Linkedin Profile Of Peter Virdee fanclub

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Linkedin Profile Of Peter Virdee fanclub

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Peter Virdee Fan Club Linkedin Profile

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News & Activities - Peter Virdee Foundation

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News & Activities - Peter Virdee Foundation

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Over the years, The Peter Virdee Foundation has a played an active role raising funds and contributing a considerable amount to a range of charities. We have in past donated to and supported the following charities and organisations:

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September 28, 2017

Children in Crisis is delighted to announce the inauguration of the Bibangwa School, generously funded through a partnership between the charity The Virdee Foundation. Two hours' walk from the nearest road, the new school is set on the High Plateau in South Kivu, the Democratic Republic of Congo, the school formally opened on 19 August and already filled with 165 children.

Originally completed in April, formally inaugurating the L-shaped school with its six classrooms had to be postponed because rebel groups moving across the Plateau made it too dangerous for visitors to travel for inaugural celebrations. Communities living in this area have suffered decades of neglect by the government as well as a conflict involving many rebel groups. The existing dark and over-crowded school had been built using sticks and mud. Its teachers were untrained and unqualified.

As a result of this, Bibangwa's children are at the extremes of isolation, where they are receiving no help or investment from the government or other organisations. The former wattle and daub school, built by a resourceful community who are desperate for their children to learn, was unfortunately ruined by the Plateau's torrential rains.

"We had waited so long for this day. All the children and their parents were there; most of whom had actually helped to build the school. There were speeches from the Headmaster, local chiefs, the School Building Committee, Ebenezer Ministries and the local church and from Children in Crisis as the keys were handed over. Contracts were signed on a table piled high with dictionaries, text books, pencils, paper and footballs. The village choir sang and there was dancing as we opened bright blue doors into light classrooms. I have seen many new schools in my role at Children in Crisis and this is by far the most impressive." stated Thea Lacey, Programme Manager at Children in Crisis

Thanks to the Virdee Foundation's support, they have been able to work with Bibangwa's parents to construct the new, durable, six-classroom school for their children. The new school has been named after The Virdee Foundation and is known as "The Virdee School". It is a community-owned and community-run school that has been established in a safe and dry place for future generations of the children of Bibangawa to attend, whom now have the opportunity to learn and enhance their growth, knowledge and development in both education and life.

Bibangwa's Old School

A leaking roof is unable to protect the children nor the classroom posters from the rainfall.

Bibangwa's previous school was built through a significant effort from the community, using local traditional techniques. It was a bamboo frame construction with white clay walls. Though these techniques can work quite well for domestic dwellings, they did not work well at all for classrooms, providing an unstable and unsettling place for children to learn. The fundamental absence of large, frequently-tended fireplaces in schools, meant that the walls were crumbling and the foundation was deteriorating, as there was no heat or smoke to dry and preserve the clay which is a critical element required to sustain the main structure. Due to this, the Plateau's heavy rainfalls quickly degraded the corrugated tin roof making the classroom structure an unsafe and unfit habitat for children to learn. As a result of this, the foundations of the classrooms were cold, muddy and often wet - especially when the Plateau's heavy rainfalls come during wet seasons restricting children to attend class sessions and learn.

The untreated and thin corrugated metal roofing sheets rusted through the classroom's structure much long ago.

Space was also an issue - there simply wasn't enough room for the school's 165 students in its four small classrooms. Though unstable, the bamboo benches gave some students a place to sit within a minimal capacity, however the real difficulty and challenge they were facing was having no desks to support their books when they were writing, and were therefore having to balance their books and write on their laps.

An absence of desks forces children to write in books perched on their laps. The rocks were used as benches when the classroom became too full. The Virdee Foundation's Mission Statement

'To relieve the needs of women and children who have or who are in danger of suffering mental, physical or sexual abuse.'

Our report on the condition of Bibangwa's school, and the conditions in which children are trying to learn, left The Virdee Foundation in no doubt - that their support will bring lasting improvements to the mental and physical wellbeing of Bibangwa's children.

The New School

Bibangwa School has 165 children, between 7 and 14 years of age. 85 of these are girls and 80 are boys. They are taught in Swahili, learning to read and write, numeracy, science and French. But their education goes well beyond this. The involvement of Batwa families in building the school meant that many of their children are enrolled in school for the first time; mixing with children from other tribes and establishing an understanding of one another from an early age. Understanding and respect that will play a vital part in promoting inter-ethnic peace in the future.

The construction of the new Bibangwa school has been built with durable materials - solid brick walls with deep foundations, galvanized (rust resistant) metal roofing sheets, and cement floors. It has been designed to last and to protect children from the cold weather and the heavy rainfall.

The new desks and benches in the school's six classrooms now provide every child a place to comfortably sit and learn in a stable and fit capacity. They'll no longer have to stoop over books and write in books perched on their laps, and the windows allow natural light to illuminate the classrooms for children to be able to learn without having the unpleasant distraction of an uncomfortable and unfit environment, with damp and dark surroundings.

The following images are from other schools which we've built on the Plateau and provide an idea of the new school known as "The Virdee School" of which the children of Bibangwa are now able to attend:

Thick, galvanized metal roofing sheets and guttering keep rain out of the classrooms

Benches and desks, made by local carpenters, allow the children to sit and write in comfort and stability.

Partnership

Partnership has been the driving force behind the construction of Bibangwa's new school - between Children in Crisis, The Virdee Foundation, EMI (our local Congolese partners), and the parents of Bibangwa.

Children in Crisis has been working with their local partner, Ebenezer Ministry International (EMI) , to educate and protect children on the Plateau for the past ten years. By building new schools and training teachers, Children in Crisis aims to reach every child and create the opportunity for them to break out of the cycle of poverty, isolation and conflict. The contributions made by the Bibangwa community have been critically important for the successful establishment of The Virdee School. Bibangwa is one of the most remote places in which we have undertaken school construction, therefore we wouldn't have been able achieve our mission if it wasn't for the significant help provided by the local community. Trucks have had to offload building materials at the end of one of the few dirt roads which serve the area. One of the many contributions from the community have been to physically carry these materials, including heavy metal roofing materials, by hand or head on a 2-hour walk over hilly terrain to Bibangwa due to the lack of infrastructure and transport availability in the area. Koy Thomson, Chief Executive of Children in Crisis, said "On hearing of our mission to reach the forgotten and most disadvantaged children in remote and often conflict affected environments, Professor Peter Virdee showed no hesitation in reaching out to us to ask how a partnership with The Virdee Foundation might be able to help us improve the lives of more children. From the earliest days, the Virdee Foundation has shown a depth of critical understanding and engagement which has helped work through all obstacles and difficulties; such as when resurgent conflict delayed the school inauguration". The amazing work has finally been completed through the immense efforts and contributions from both our Partners and Bibangwa's local community... EMI, our Congolese partners, have worked closely with Bibangwa's parents to help them successfully complete the construction work of the new school. The following images show the community members carrying stones, which were being gathered for the school's foundations. The first image below show structures of bamboo cages that were laid out, where each cage represented the foundation stones that were collected by one family - as a result, you can see there were plenty of families involved where women were doing very much of the heavy work. "The location of this school was particularly challenging." said Thea Lacey, Programme Manager of Children in Crisis. "The Plateau has very few roads, and all of these are dirt tracks, passable only at some times of year. The school itself has no roads leading to it, only footpaths, requiring a demanding trek with building materials, often carried on the heads of the parents of the children. It is a remarkable commitment by local communities, only made possible by the partnership with the Virdee Foundation."

Foundations stones were being gathered by the local community members. Each bamboo basket individually represented a different family's contribution illustrating the number of families involved in this tremendous project.

Women who were gathering foundation stones (more like rocks!)

The contract, in which EMI, Children in Crisis and Bibangwa community agreed to our responsibilities in the successful development and construction of the new school which was also signed off. As shown below, the Head of the Women's Committee, who was helping with the construction of the new school, signed her signature on the school construction contract.

The Head of the Women's Committee signs the school construction contract.

Koy Thomson, Chief Executive of Children in Crisis stated "I very much hope that our partnership with The Virdee Foundation will go from strength to strength. Good partnerships are founded on shared values, celebrating what we achieve while also enduring through challenges. These are qualities that have been amply demonstrated in this new school, our first step together".

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News & Activities - The Virdee Foundation

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September 28, 2017 Children in Crisis is delighted to announce the inauguration of the Bibangwa School, generously funded through a partnership between the charity The Virdee Foundation. Two hours' walk from the nearest road, the new school is set on the High Plateau in South Kivu, the Democratic Republic of Congo, the school formally opened on 19 August and already filled with 165 children.

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Speech at Leaderboard Event - Peter Virdee 

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Speech at Leaderboard Event - Peter Virdee 

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PV (Peter Virdee) Speech at Leaderboard Event | petervirdee.blogspot.com

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