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Right now I’m feeling so many things I’m proud of my self for how far I’ve come and still continuing to push myself and move forward but at the same time I’m not feeling the best so  right now I’m trying to be okay with just moving forward because that’s still good enough ✨

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To remind myself that I shouldn’t always say that I’ll do it later. Later is not guaranteed all we have is now.

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To be honest I don’t exactly know how I want to feel after the sessions. Right now what I’m hoping to get out of it is just sense of comfort and belonging because lately I’ve been feeling a bit left out and not really connected to anyone or anything. So I just want to keep trying to find new ways to connect with myself.

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Something that’s helping me get by these days 🤍

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Something that’s helping me get by these days 🤍

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You don’t have to be the best to do your best ✨

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I’ve been trying to come to terms with the fact that it’s okay not to be okay sometimes. It’s okay to feel weak and vulnerable sometimes. Sometimes things do get to you and it’s okay. I’ve been so good at holding it together and not let things affect me that now when it does all of a sudden I feel weak but im not understanding that it’s okay and I just have to learn to work with it and also remembering that this feeling is not going to last forever. Life comes in waves and right now I’m just trying to just keep swimming till I reach the shore 🤍

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3rd session. My heart is full.  If I can sum it up sunsets,  fairytales and freedom ✨🤍 Turned out to be the one thing that gave me hope and pulled me out of a really dark place I was in. I haven’t felt this free in a really long time. The drama aspect that Rangi brought in today really spoke to me because I felt like I haven’t had fun with drama in a long time and it was nice to not be in control. I got to be the child and not the teacher. Like Dulani said it really did make my inner child happy!

Even the fairytale I chose really connected with me and it put things into perspect for me. I really didn’t think dance therapy in general would impact me this way but I’m so grateful it did.

Right now I feel so thankful and grateful to be alive to experience what I experienced today specially having had a bad day yesterday this really gave me the hope and strength I was looking for and I know this high might not be there for along time or even last the day but I’m glad I have this moment, this day, those two hours to look back on! Being with those girls really made me happy and free.

This session truly helped me let go and helped me remember why I do what I do, why I keep fighting! Hears to more days filled with  amazing people, beautiful sunsets and fairytales. And hears to myself for going head and creating/writing my own fairytale! I’m not the main character I’m the freaking Director ✨

I’m going to make my inner child happy and I won’t let her down! Like my mood board says Come on kid. This is your dream.

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My heart is so full! Life really does have a way of surprising you and one day, one person, one moment can really turn it around! 🤍

As a teacher sometimes you don’t know if you’re doing a good job or not, you’re just supposed to kinda figure it out and hearing kids say things like this and knowing what you say and what you do means so much to them is such a big deal it’s scary and heartwarming at the same time! All the more reason to be kind to one another, specially a child!

Growing up I didn’t have a lot of teachers that showed that they cared but I want to be one that shows them that they matter and that they’re enough.

I borrowed a pen from a child today and said Thank you Ayana! And she responded with you know my name! I will never forget the look on her face!

I promise I will strive to be better and better everyday! If today I’m thankful for anything, I’m thankful for the kids I teach because there are days when their the only thing that keep me going 🤍

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On a lighter note! This is the book I’m reading at the moment! Better Than The Movies. Pretty good so far, bit of a light read! I feel like I’m getting back into reading after like 2 months.

Also chose a book that probably wouldn’t end up with me questioning my whole existence! Every book I read ends up with me bawling my eyes out at 2:00 am so this is good! lol

Everything around us is very serious so it’s good to always take a step back! So cheesy romance novels it is! Even that can teach us something!

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As soon as Rangi said that the session was going to be on touch and that we’re going to be exploring the different aspects I did actually feel a bit uneasy because touch has been and still is a very touchy (pun intended) subject for me!

But for some reason being in that space did put me at ease because I knew I was surrounded by people who were going to respect me and I was in a position where I could step out if I needed to so even though I was hesitant I was still okay to participate.

Even though I felt uneasy there was a part of me that wanted to learn more and understand my body as well. Learning how you respond to touch because of something that you have gone through or that you are going through has been very eye opening for me.

I think when we wrote the things that we feel about touch and on the paper that said childhood a lot of people wrote really nice things about how they feel and for me to not have that did feel a bit odd I guess because it’s not something that I was familiar with. Touch is something that has impacted me negatively since I was young I think and I think that probably had a part to play in it. But it was so nice to see what everyone had sent and it did give me a bit of hope as to what I could probably have in the future.

I’m not going to say that I leant a lot through this session but I do know why and through this session I actually thought that this is something that I can bring up during a therapy session because since I was little and even now physical affection has never been a thing for me. I don’t love giving hugs or receiving it but again it does depend because there are certain people and certain situations where I really do appreciate it and at that moment it’s exactly what I want but yeah idk, I don’t exactly know how to explain it but nonetheless I was very grateful for that experience and I was proud of myself for trying to be present and really just be! 🤍

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This  was probably one of the most interesting and eye opening things that I’ve done! We partnered up and we each had to observe each other and spend time with each other and really be present in that moment while really focusing on the other person. And that was pretty daunting in a way because I didn’t want to offend the other person and I was scared that I would interpret something differently or in a wrong way. Even while I was engaging in the movement it was so difficult to turn off the inner dialogue and be present in the moment but I was finally able to just not care! And not in a oh I don’t care about what this other person is going to write or in any other way that’s insensitive. I was just finally able to shut it off and just be.

Which is something I’ve been finding really hard to do because my brain never listens sometimes!

But what came out of this experience was something that I never excepted. Knowing that someone else could read me and know how I felt only through the way I was moving was amazing to say the least and it really opened my mind to the power of movement! How something can be more powerful when you don’t even have to say it. It was completely non verbal and yet there was someone who was able to see me and hear me!

This is probably not related to movement but it also showed me that if someone is truly there for you and with you and is paying attention to you they can understand how you feel even if you don’t have to say it! Maybe not all the time but even sometimes!

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I wasn’t able to make it for the 6th session because I was mentally and physically tired to be there. I really do feel bad for not being there because it was the last session but even though I wasn’t there I can say that through this series I’ve definitely learnt new things about me, about how to cope with certain things, how certain things can affect you and others, about life but most importantly that even though I can be going through a lot having people like that being apart of things like this and surrounding yourself with good every can really make those things that we worry about feel like nothing!

I know for some people it probably isn’t a lot but for me I’m someone who needs that constant reassurance and I’m proud of myself for always being there and being kind to myself no matter what’s being going on and specially like Rangi says all the time for just showing up for myself! I think that takes a lot of strength. I was not someone who had a lot of female friendships or friendships for that matter but being apart of this group was something that I’ll never forget 🤍