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"Which social issue will I write about?"

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"Which social issue will I write about?"

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My chosen social issue is body shaming. To elaborate, body shaming is the act of making fun of or disparaging someone's looks is known as body shaming.

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Commenting on other people's bodies, or rather, refraining from doing so, is a topic increasingly circulating not only on image-heavy platforms like Instagram, but also in the collective consciousness. The more people I meet, the more I realise that attitudes are changing, or at least, some thought is being invested into what is and is not acceptable or appropriate to say to someone about how they look.
Society is unhealthily and utterly obsessed with the amount of flesh on another human body, and this translates into how ordinary people communicate with or perceive each other. Thanks to a growing awareness of eating disorders, body image, and mental health, the voices demanding change are becoming louder. Large swathes of people, myself included, are heartily sick of enduring the judgemental and unsolicited comments doled out to those who don't quite fit the mould we've all been taught to consider 'the norm'.

As far as commenting on someone's weight or size is concerned, for whatever reason and in whatever context, most of us are guilty. I know I am. Weight gain often results in concerned looks at best, and deliberately cruel questions or comments at worst. Conversely, weight loss tends to incite an avalanche of compliments, even from people you barely know. The assumptions that weight gain represents all things negative, and weight loss is the pinnacle of all success, remain strong.

Since I was a child, I've felt a deeply troubling sense of elation whenever someone has commented on my weight loss, or told me I'm thinner/slimmer than someone I considered larger than myself. This is in part due to my father's unending (and disturbing) preoccupation with weight. When I was nine or ten, he bought me a pair of jeans which were several sizes too small. I knew as soon as I saw them that they wouldn't fit. I dreaded coming out of the bathroom to show him, but had to. His face said it all: disappointment, embarrassment, shame. He looked me up and down. My hips were spilling out the top because the jeans were so tight, the denim cutting into flesh. He slapped my hips hard so they wobbled and shook, and said "Well, you've got to stop eating so much butter, haven't you?" I remember going for a walk to the sea nearby, and wishing that I could just walk in and let it swallow me up so I didn't have to go back.Again, I recall being nine or ten years old, and taking a cookie from the bag I was sharing with my younger brother. From nowhere came the words "Are you going to wear those as a belt? You might as well."

The nightmare didn't stop with my father, but continued with friends, partners, colleagues, and family members. When these interactions happen on a regular basis, we learn to become obsessed with how we look in what we wear and to compare ourselves with others. Equally, eating so-called unhealthy food in public can incite feelings of anxiety, and eating a light salad can induce phrases such as 'oh, you're being good/sensible, are you dieting?' Moreover, thanks to decades of everyone from advertising companies to traditional and digital media perpetuating the idea that only certain clothes look good on a certain body, we have long become overly conscious of what we 'should' and 'shouldn't' wear according to our shape.

Disclaimer: I'm by no means innocent and have many a time made comments or had thoughts I shouldn't, and have spent the last couple of years dealing with that part of myself. It does however sadden me that I can still remember many unwanted words from people close to me, which affected how I saw myself and impacted my confidence. Such comments are always worse when they come out of thin air and take you by surprise.

But - I've lost enough sleep as a result of my relationship with my body and everyone else's opinion of it. I have questioned my sense of style, cried in front of the mirror, cried after doctor's visits, cried when stood on the scales, cried after trying on old clothes that no longer fit, cried in changing rooms, deliberately hurt myself, covered myself up even in searing heat, turned down the offer of food, been reluctant to let partners see me naked, abstained from swimming/going to the beach, and felt extreme anxiety at seeing people again after a long while when my body had changed in the meantime. I've had enough. If you have, too, you're not alone. Just look at the incredible proliferation of body positive influencers, most of whom are working hard to encourage change.

The most ridiculous thing is, despite the countless times I personally have had someone analyse my body and how they believe it could or should improve, I can sometimes just about pass for what many would call 'average size' (whatever that is) in certain outfits. So, if these are my experiences, I can only begin to imagine the kind of misery, cruelty, and thoughtlessness those with larger bodies than me endure from people who think it's acceptable to openly weigh them up against themselves and others around them.It hurts and frustrates me how much time I've wasted focusing on how I look. At the same time, accepting my body is a long and difficult journey, and unsolicited advice and comments only serve to slow my progress. Perhaps it's the same for you.

In my personal experience, comments on body size and shape are often linked to the assumption that everyone above a certain size must surely consume more than those smaller than them. This is simply not true. There are myriad factors affecting physical appearance and in any case, the time has come for us to stop dealing in assumptions. Weight loss can be, for many, a really great thing. For others it can be unwanted due to illness or trauma. We need to stop celebrating thinness and congratulating people on it. Weight gain can be unwanted and difficult to deal with for the individual in question, but is can also be the result of increased confidence, happiness, and, quite often, being in love.

To finish, I will say this: when you have the urge to comment on someone's body, don't think twice, but think ten times, and then, don't do it. Even if you're saying it because of your own feelings of inadequacy or insecurity, still, don't do it (I have, more times than I'd like to admit, but have learnt over a long period of time to stop). You might end up on a list someone keeps in their head of all the people who ever hurt their feelings and made them feel deeply unhappy in their own skin. Your comment might be the one that tips someone over the edge. What you say might mean someone refuses to eat, have sex, or wear a certain outfit that evening.

Accept people for who they are - we're all different and we're none of us perfect. 'Perfection' in regard to appearance simply does not exist in a world populated by billions of unique beings from all walks of life and in all shapes and sizes. What we all must do is consider why we have an opinion of someone else's body in the first place, and, and if they don't ask to hear it, don't give it to them. We all deserve self-worth, and to feel that happiness and comfort in our own bodies is achievable. I look forward to a world where we can all exist in peace, and where our bodies are the least important thing about us.

(P.S. A heartfelt and loving message to the incredible people at The Everyday, who actively encourage and support writers with the need or desire to submit this kind of content. It saddens me to write this as my last piece, but I am so, so grateful for having had the opportunity to write for the magazine in the first place. Thank you.)

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Commenting on other people's bodies, or rather, refraining from doing so, is a topic increasingly circulating not only on image-heavy platforms like Instagram, but also in the collective consciousness. The more people I meet, the more I realise that attitudes are changing, or at least, some thought

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Body shaming has always been a topic that has been really near and dear to my heart as I have and still face this problem.

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https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/body-shaming

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BODY SHAMING definition: 1. criticism of someone based on the shape, size, or appearance of their body: 2. criticism of.... Learn more.

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how words can make a big impact

the irony of body shaming (shaming others because you also got shamed)

self-love and acceptance (this should be the shift for my poem)

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https://www.healthshots.com/she-slays/body-shaming-once-a-victim-this-woman-fought-size-with-style-literally/

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This is an inspiring story of a woman who never allowed her size come in the way of her dreams! Image courtesy: Shutterstock

Living life by loving yourself! That's the mantra 38-year-old Silky Chopra adopted way back in life when she became a victim of body shaming. She is someone who wears her size on her sleeve, and wants all 'big girls' to know that 'Plus can be stylish'! This Independence Day, in the hope of gaining freedom from body shaming in the social environment, let us get to know her story.

A short story about body shaming

A communications professional, actor and mom of one, Silky tells Health Shots, "I have been a victim of body shaming throughout my childhood - by my parents, siblings, schoolmates, friends, colleagues, and during auditions. And it is extremely damaging for your self-esteem. Negative comments can drive one to take extreme steps to change their body type to conform to the norms of society or lead to low self-esteem, depression, trauma etc."

But she was never one to suffer the bullying silently.

"I stood up for myself in a positive and healthy manner. I continued practicing self-love and tried not to let negative comments bother me," she adds.

In fact, when everyone was busy telling her how big she was, she had her eyes set on making a career as an actor or model.

"As I grew older, I realized that this was not an ideal career choice for me, Back in the 90s, the film industry was struggling with gender bias and stereotypes. Female actors were used just for their glamour quotient, and there were hardly had any female-centric films. So, I knew that being a plus-sized woman, I would at best get only comic roles," she recounts.

Size matters in showbiz

Representation of plus-sized people in popular culture has been a part of the body shaming problem.

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PERSONALISE NOW

"Unfortunately, many TV shows and movies contribute to the pattern, where the 'fat' character is often the subject of criticism and comic relief. As a result, the person experiencing it becomes vulnerable," believes Silky.

Nevertheless, she feels the film world is slowly moving from caricaturish portrayal of the plus-sized, due to body shaming awareness and its impact on people's well-being. "But we still have a long way to go."

Even though opportunities were limited, Silky did not let her dream of being an actor die a silent death.

"I was never shy of my weight and the fashionista in me always made me feel confident and helped me create a niche for myself. The opportunities were limited for me, but my perseverance helped keep my passion alive," says the Delhi-based actor.

Over a span of time while auditioning, she understood that she might not become a heroine of a film or a serial, but there were roles which were made for her body type.

"I started exploring these roles in theatre and films. During the pandemic, I got a call from Delhi-based film director Jagat Joon, who was making a web series on societal issues and the role pitched to me was on body shaming. I said 'yes' because who else can portray this role," shares Silky.

While that project never took off, she eventually landed a short film, 'Silky: Bhoot Nahin Hote'. It was a win-win as she got the lead role and the character had nothing to do with her size!

Beating size with style

Well, size also never mattered as she climbed the corporate ladder!

"I am blessed that my size never mattered in my corporate journey. It was my dedication, commitment and hard work that helped me become successful. And the organisation where I work also acknowledges people's talent, irrespective of their gender, body type, culture, religion," she says, highlighting the importance of a culture of acceptance.

She manifests her confidence through her free and flamboyant dressing, breaking the bias around dressing for plus-sized women. Be it a free-flowing sari, a fitted pant-suit, a dress or an A-line suit, she flaunts every silhoutte with panache.

"I've always loved dressing up, since my childhood. I used to follow fashion and accordingly get my clothes designed. My mother always supported me. So, I wore what I liked and felt comfortable in without bothering about people's derogatory comments. I love the fashionista in me and invest my energy to retain it," shares Silky.

Many plus-size women in her circle, in fact, consult her for their wardrobe.

"So yes, it feels good that I can inspire people to believe that 'Plus can be Stylish'. It is important to love yourself and if I can encourage plus-size women to love themselves and not bother about societal pressure, I will feel blessed," she shares with a smile.

Also read: Plus-sized model Sakshi Sindwani is challenging norms & quite fashionably so

On that note, an advice to all victims of body shaming?

"Take control and stay positive as life is beautiful. Live life by loving yourself!"

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Freedom from body shaming: Once a victim, this woman fought size with style, literally!

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Facing body shaming can either douse the fire within you or fuel the fire! On Independence Day 2022, let's know the story of how one plus-sized woman kept her mind free from the negative impact of being body shamed.

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1) Where do you think you are simple telling the reader your message or emotions 

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1) Where do you think you are simple telling the reader your message or emotions 

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Currently, my first draft doesn't having any parts that JUST simply tell the reader my message and/or emotions directly. I tend to show those emotions through my language like how I wrote phrases and words like "fast and cruel" or how I emphasize my anger by using an apostrophe: "Too this, too that!"

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2) How could you improve this to "show" or not state the obvious?

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2) How could you improve this to "show" or not state the obvious?

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In my poem, I haven't "stated the obvious" on my current issue, therefore I want to keep that consistent throughout my poem

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In my poem, I tend to make this effective through writing about my own experiences on body shaming and the use of rhetorical questions

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Sibilant alliteration

Repetition of the ‘s’ or ‘sh’ sound. Evokes an immersive experience for the reader - it can emulate the sea, the wind etc.

Repetition

repetition of the same word or phrase to make an idea more clear; creates a pattern; increases rhythm, strengthens emotion and mood

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Stanza 1 - you're kind of telling the audience everything

the repitition of "where" flows really nicely

Stanza 2 - "we spread, we whisper, all fast and cruel" should add a comma after "fast" and before "cruel" for the rhythm when reading, then you're separating it after every 2 words.

Stanza 3 - clunky: "Or is it more?" stands out

Stanza 4 - the use of "this" and "that" makes it sound unserious

Stanza 5 - just suggestion but you should make a new line for "so broad and simple" this makes the rhythm sound nicer (to me at least) it's like "so broad" pause "and simple"

The "when the list....ending" could sound more poetic. That line sounds like you're complaining? I don't know if it's on purpose.

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We live in a arrogant and toxic world

Where confidence is long gone

Where self-love in denied

Where my worth is only defined by my body

Our words always shoot to kill, a careless knife

We spread, we whisper, all fast and cruel

Why judge? Why shame?

Aren't we just all the same?

When I look in the mirror

I wonder if it's just skin

Or is it more?

A soul within?

Too fat, too skinny

Too tall, too short

Too this, too that

Will I ever be enough?

To society? To myself?

How come "beauty" is defined so broad and simple?

When the list of my imperfections is never ending

(INCOMPLETE)

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We live in an arrogant and toxic world

Where confidence is long gone

Where self-love is denied

Where my worth is only defined by my body, my face

Our words always shoot to kill, a careless knife

Once it pierces through, it twists, and twists again

I'm bearing scars from unforeseen battles

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same

When I look in the mirror

I wonder if it's just skin

Or is it much more?

An innocent soul within?

"Too fat", "too skinny"

"Too tall", "too short"

Too this, too that!

Will I ever be enough?

To society? To myself?

How come "beauty" is defined

So broad, so simple?

So real, so true

Yet we spread, we whisper, all fast, and cruel

Why judge? Why shame?

Aren't we just all the same?

For our beauty isn't found in our forms

But is found within our hearts and minds

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We live in a arrogant and toxic world

Where confidence is long gone

Where self-love in denied

Where my worth is only defined by my body, my face

Our words always shoot to kill, a careless knife

We spread, we whisper, all fast, and cruel

Why judge? Why shame?

Aren't we just all the same?

When I look in the mirror

I wonder if it's just skin

Or is it much more?

An innocent soul within?

"Too fat", "too skinny"

"Too tall", "too short"

Too this, too that!

Will I ever be enough?

To society? To myself?

How come "beauty" is defined

So broad, so simple?

So real, so true

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We live in an arrogant and toxic world

Where confidence is long gone

Where self-love is denied

Where my worth is only defined by my body, my face

Our words always shoot to kill, a careless knife

Once it pierces through, it twists, and twists again

I'm bearing scars from unforeseen battles

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same

When I look in the mirror

I wonder if it's just skin

Or is it much more?

An innocent soul within?

"Too fat", "too skinny"

"Too tall", "too short"

Too this, too that!

Will I ever be enough?

To society? To myself?

How come "beauty" is defined

So broad, so simple?

So real, so true

Yet we spread, we whisper, all fast, and cruel

Why judge? Why shame?

Aren't we just all the same?

For it's not our forms that holds the heart of our beauty

But is found from what's within.

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Careless knife -

Battles -

How people view "Beauty" -

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We live in an arrogant and toxic world

Where confidence is long gone

Where self-love is denied

Where my worth is only defined by my body, my face

Our words always shoot to kill, a careless knife

Once it pierces through, it twists, and twists again

I'm bearing scars from unforeseen battles

You had to kill me only because you were killed just the same

When I look in the mirror

I wonder if it's just skin

Or is it much more?

An innocent soul within?

"Too fat", "too skinny"

"Too tall", "too short"

Too this, too that!

Will I ever be enough?

To society? To myself?

How come "beauty" is defined

So broad, so simple?

So real, so true

Yet we spread, we whisper, all fast, and cruel

Why judge? Why shame?

Aren't we just all the same?

For it's not our forms that holds the heart of our beauty

Rather, it's the depths of our souls, where our genuine radiance truly blooms

As we finally realize, we’re all more than just skin...