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2023

Renewal

Deeper understanding: Gratitude, grace, faith

A lot of this faith hinges on realising you need a Saviour

Feeling unmoored -> transition

"This last semester brought new meaning to the idea that Christ is magnified in and through weakness. Not in spite of, but directly through. If only we would humble ourselves to let Him move, we will find that our competence and gifts, though important, are hardly what the hands of God rest upon."

Dying to self, taking up my cross

Being insufficient, learning humility and not being defensive about things: "For the human, it is truly a foreign concept to detach identity and ego completely from performance or competence. To re-orient myself to the metric of Christ's affirmation only was a counter-cultural paradigm shift. Often, I held on to this singular truth like a lifeline when I felt incessantly tormented by thoughts of perfectionism and impostor syndrome/acute inadequacy: God put me here. I followed the conviction. He will be enough. He will make me enough. I often felt that I had to prove myself worthy of the chair role -- but when I felt most rested was ironically when I chose to let go."

Praying unceasingly

I don't fully know if that phrase is biblical: Take care of what matters to God, and He will take care of what matters to you, but I felt like this past semester encapsulated that. Is it the case that God looks for children who will dare to take Him at His Word? That He is capable of anything, that our material needs are peanuts to Him, and that if only we would have audacious faith to believe, then He would propel us to be where He has created and imagined us to be? Many times, when I found myself fretting over my acads, I remember being reminded of the magnitude of God, and that these numbers were hardly anything big to Him. Over time, I grew to pray, Lord, let Your will be done, instead of, Lord, let my grades be okay -- if it is in His will for me to have a poorer GPA, then so be it. He will be magnified through my weakness. The journey is about learning how to die to self, to surrender what the flesh wants, to make way for the King to remodel His temple: my heart.

Does God need me to do His work? if AnnTIC doesnt happen, so what? Can He work without it? If we make mistakes, so what? No - its my privilege to partner with Him and learn through Him. The camp is partly for me to learn how to accomplish what He is leading me to. Through the process, I am refined. Wisdom is fear of the Lord. Set my work in perspective, the only way to look myself and my calling with sober eyes is to have faith in what He says about me - I should think highly of myself, I have a calling, because HE says so. Not because it will be vindicated by my work. Work is not tied to my identity; if I look to performance to prove what God says about me, thats trying to link 2 things that don't go together. The bottom line is that He called, He appointed, and thats the final say. He will vindicate me and fight my battles for me where necessary. Surrendering means we admit it is no longer abt our knowledge or ability to rationalise but is now in Gods hands

Being more sensitive to what I consume/allow inside as a temple of the Holy Spirit

Developing more of a love and reverence for the Word

Discipline, time with God becoming a necessity, sensitivity of my spirit

Reconciliation & forgiveness, how the Spirit empowers

Going from struggling weekly in church to developing a love for His people - where His people are, there His presence will be, cause Christ loves the church

2024

Letting go, looking forward - "perhaps part of maturity is verily that: letting go of a longing for the past, and being able to look to the future with anticipation, especially knowing that a good God remains good, and that a life with Him is one of adventure."

For exchange: unfettered intimacy with the Lord, a place up on the mountains to just be with Him, that I may be glowing-faced and radiant when I descend.

Clarity-seeking: Calling, purpose, giftings, career, friendships, future, desires

Missional living, knowing that God is highly intentional and that we are vessels (even slaves) for Christ

Fear of the Lord

Redefining and re-understanding core Kingdom principles: faith, surrender, Great Commission/missions, witnessing/being light & salt, understanding the Word, whole-heartedly loving the Lord, being a friend of Jesus, child of God, but also a slave for Christ, being a temple, the Holy Spirit as Helper, Counsellor, Teacher, etc

1 Chronicles 16:11

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As tide draws the waters in, make me an island, set apart and holy unto you

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1. 2023 reflection: toughest year, alot of separation. felt like i was drowning beneath waves after waves. but also saw the beauty of friendship and the intimacy of deep relationships that can be formed. something magical about them.

alot of new experiences, more bad than good. but it also showed me the tenacity and strength humans can possess, and im proud of myself for getting out of the trenches (truly).

2. am on a new journey of rediscovering my faith, what it truly means to be a sinner and receive salvation. not to be a follower because of blessings. looking twds 2024, im afraid because 2023 showed me just how much devastation and sadness one can possess, and its such a scary place to be in and to be stuck in. but im also excited because i do see some things God has prepared for me to enter a new season of healing, and i want to treasure and enjoy the rs i have rn before our season tgt is over.

special thanks:

SWAT has played a bigger part in my life than u guys know. even when we dont meet often, i rmb what true fellowship feels like in that night where we stayed up till 5am. it was a taste of heaven, when all the saints can gather together and be in true fellowship w one another. u guys were one of the reasons i did not leave the faith or the church, and showed me what believing in the true God looks like.

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2023 Reflections
The first half of 2023 was a season of prioritising God's Kingdom - I made many decisions to sacrifice other priorities for His work.

Then came the transitions. by God's grace, even amidst the uncertainties, things flowed so smoothly. I enjoyed starting work and the beginnings of adulting, and I'm glad He led me to start this new phase of life with Him.

Then, the latter half was a period of Self-Development! This period saw the birth of disciplines and routines that would root my faith and life. I grew not only ever more closer to Christ but also ever more content. Finding myself in a space in which I found myself in a nice rhythm, God began to lead me to new things to share His peace and love.

Looking forward to 2024
As I constantly grow still, He's led me to now pour out steadily an outflow of His love to those He has placed around me. I have a new bunch of 18-year-old kids (going 19)! Their leaders all said they were a troubled bunch with many problems, and gave me a lot of mental prep going in as their first solo leader. But God has been sp good and I see so much beauty in these kids. Our first discussion yesterday session was wonderful (one kid said they hadn't had such a discussion since 2019), and I'm so so SO excited to see how God will (use me to) grow them in their unique journeys into the unknowns they're going to venture intro. Uni, NS, Work, ITE, and so on.

God has blessed me with so much, and daily I find myself - even in the lows - immensely grateful. He gives me more than I deserve and more, even someone else who loves Him and with whom I can journey toward Him with. Someone special to love - and when I love her, I find myself loving Christ more. There is no tension, and beyond what I could ever have imagined. He's really too good, and He hears our prayers - even the intimate and not necessarily necessary ones.

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Reflect on 2023

I think it was a very hectic year for me. Starting work, graduating, the PE, meeting new colleagues while also finding time to still keep up with existing relationships. I think my head was mostly clouded, trying to find time for others, for myself and for God. I think it was a year, my disappointment with my church was the most apparent as well and that made me want to leave amongst other reasons such as thinking that im growing out of the conservative church, starting the charismatic phase in my life, pull factors by other Christians who seems to serve and more fervently serve God. Then i guess when i made that decision to church search i felt more lost than ever, not knowing much purpose…there was no peace as somehow I still held onto my church. So that last day of 2024 i asked God for a clearer sign, literally demanded one that day (cause i needed to tell my leaders that i wanted to stop serving). And the Lord led me to an article that i put off reading which was about the imperfect church and how Jesus had forgiven the people betrayed him…

TLDR: I put forth..? all the hurt and disappointment that I had faced to the Lord and asked him for the strength and courage to be more loving and to focus solely on him. I also came to the conclusion that while I was still going to church search…the Lord has indeed placed me in my church for a reason and that I will come back to serve… i think only after that did i feel some peace in my heart and that I knew these few months of struggle was something i had to face that would lead me to letting go and looking forward.

I thank God for watching over my family in 2023, it wasn’t an easy year for us…

What we’re looking forward to in 2024

• Awaken Gen, what I can learn about worship, learning more about the plans that God has for me. Going on that journey to overcome this feeling of inadequacy….

• Being a Mary after years of Martha-ing

• Reassessing my life…priorities etc.

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2023 - the closest ive been to God. yay
i started going to church & snl regularly, i tried to develop good a prayer and devos routine which really worked for me!
but it was also a year where a lot of things were happening with my grandparents - my grandpa died and my grandma was really sick. but i felt a lot of peace and comfort from God despite all the bad things that were happening. something i really struggled with was forgiveness and forgiving one of my family members. and i still struggle with it, but i feel that God is transforming my heart. and though He rebukes me, but He is still kind and forgiving to me.

2023 was also a year where God revealed much of Himself to me. as i scrolled through my prayer list, there were many things He showed me and i am reminded of how much He loves and cares for me - not just the answered prayers but how different things played out

2024 im new to serving in church and cf and interning and all have been kinda scary! but i pray that my 2024 will be more intentional in my walk with God and to rely on Him more. its scary to ask Him to refine me but i know its necessary and itll be worth it :)

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2023 reflections

Seek first the kingdom of God - SWAT

Every moment holy

- Seeing God in all circumstances (death, pediatrics, healing broken bones)

- all work is holy

Moses

Moses asks God what physical sign will endorse the message entrusted to him. In response, God tells Moses to look at the staff in his hand.

I ask myself the question God asked Moses, ‘What is that in your hand?’ (Exodus 4:2). What ordinary thing do I have in my hand? I offer it to the Lord today, trusting that he will take it and use it as a manifestation of his power - proof that God indeed has turned the darkness into light in my hardened heart.

Disciples

““How many loaves do you have?” Jesus asked. “Seven,” they replied, “and a few small fish.” He told the crowd to sit down on the ground. Then he took the seven loaves and the fish, and when he had given thanks, he broke them and gave them to the disciples, and they in turn to the people.”

Matthew 15:34-36

How many loaves do I have? What do I have to offer those whom Jesus has asked me to care for? In the quiet, I take an inventory of my skills, my experience, and my resources.

Jesus, today I offer You who I am and what I have. Come and multiply it all for Your glory, and for the sake of others. The year ahead

2 copper coins

- used to expressed the greatest sacrifice and least of creation

Counterculture

- working on Christmas

- learning the secret place

When winds are raging o’er the upper ocean,

And billows wild contend with angry roar,

’Tis said, far down, below the wild commotion,

That peaceful stillness reigneth evermore.

Far, far beneath, the noise of tempests dieth,

And silver waves chime ever peacefully,

And no rude storm, how fierce so e’er it flieth,

Disturbs the Sabbath of that deeper sea.

So to the heart that knows Thy love, O Purest!

There is a temple, sacred evermore,

And all the babble of life’s angry voices

Dies in hushed stillness at its peaceful door.

Far, far away, the roar of passion dieth,

And loving thoughts rise calm and peacefully,

And no rude storm, how fierce so e’er it flieth,

Disturbs the soul that dwells, O Lord, in Thee.

O Rest of rests! O Peace, serene, eternal!

Thou ever livest, and Thou changest never.

And in the secret of Thy presence dwelleth

Fullness of joy, forever and fore’er.

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2023 started off with a resolution to make the last sem the best sem, on the back of a great finale in 2022 at Majodi. I had the great opportunity to live on campus and to indulge in what student life had to offer before I leave for the next phase in life. I am so grateful that I did the things I wanted to do, but there were things that came kinda unplanned. I had to sort of step out of my comfort zone to deal with them sometimes, and sometimes I had to remind myself that Im fearfully and wonderfully made when I start to be insecure with who I am. I also had to start thinking about how to live for God, what kind of career I should choose, which church to go to, what kind of life I want to live, what kind of life God wants me to live. The future was so uncertain.

I guess now the uncertainties have dropped a little. I know my strengths and weaknesses, I know roughly what is the good life, I know my career options, I got my full-time lifestyle kinds settled, I got my finances sorted, I got my insurance sorted, my mum started being ok with me to go to BA, my Notion system is done, I know that my future is built by God and freedom comes only by understanding and living in the rules of His Kingdom, I know who I can rely on when I have issues that alone time by itself wouldn’t fix (my dear swat grp yayy and God), I know what are the things I gotta let go cos they are just chains.

In 2024 it is probably no different from 2023. I’m still figuring out my future (should I do ID??). But I pray I continue to abide and grow in Him, that I don’t simply be chasing after the sun, and that I will be more deliberate in His ministry in my house, workplace, ICT, random meetups, etc.

3 goals: spiritual responsibility, career excellence, wholistic growth