# data[].attributes.body
venerdì

I know it's only day one but it feels like day two the way I wasn't ready for the day before to come to an end. We didn't even have a moment to celebrate today. Although, is there much of a way in the boat that we are in. I guess you were able to celebrate on your own if we really think about it. I really thought I was doing ok today but I think it was much harder than I let myself know. My energy was low (which was for multiple reasons), ..., I started shopping. I guess it really started the day before, my mind subconsciously tried to prepare me. I was/am genuinely happy for you and your time. Longing got the best of me at my lower moments. I found myself searching for your face and in doing so I unknowingly started drowning in the puddles of doubt. I'd rather not fill my first letter with sadness. 📝 for now.
All the beauty I would love to share with you. The unnecessary things I picked up. Well many of them were necessary or things I made a strategic decision about. The amazing food I tried and how I'd like to share it with you. Well maybe I should know what you don't like first! I forget so easily how much I have left to learn becuase it feels like you've been here all this time. That's why I blank when trying to what I want to know.
My mind is slow currently. I feel it trying to cope or fight, I am not sure. I'll return tomorrow mi tesoro with brighter tales to tell.

fino a domani ...
your Jasmine

# data[].attributes.body
While I was driving I realized that the more I thought of you the more my spark came back into my soul. I feel like for years I have been coasting and even now being in the position that I used to dream of...hasn't really been satisfying to me. I truly believe we met for a reason beyond our understanding and I can't thank you enough from the darkest, deepest parts of my soul where your light has reached. Thank you Jasmine, for being the lighter that has re-ignited my spark for life.

# data[].attributes.body
sabato

Well today is over. As I intended to write you while my day was going on, I slept. My energy was lower than the previous day. You already know how hard this is. Our boat named fucked. I'll spare us a rehashing today. Till we can have time for the space we need.

You letter was so sweet and I certainly can relate. When we talk I get so motivated. It's partially to do with your infectious personality. And it's not just me. You have the this energy of joy that when you speak to others seeps into them. You make people feel they matter or are important. The other part is how our connection feels when we talk. It gets stronger with each conversation. I know, I know what you're going to say. I agree but it's not like I don't like it. I am in awe of it. I can't imagine how it will bloom but I am looking forward to it.

We have more challenging days ahead but I will be here. I will hold tight to our conversations until the next. I can't promise you everything will be sunshine but I can promise that with any rain I will carry an umbrella.

a domani amore mio

your jasmine

# data[].attributes.body
domenica

I hope you know I wake before my alarm now. It's like a natural reflex now to try and catch you when you wake up. I desire every millisecond possible to talk to you.

I am so grateful that we had our moment today. It was so serene. Almost felt like I was spending the morning with you. Makes today feel a bit easier.

You'll be so proud of me that I got into gear and was productive. Have I actually done any of the important things, no, BUT I have set myself up to do so. I shall be starting now so I will be back to continue my letter soon.

... I have returned. Not as productive as I wanted to be but I am chugging away. I hope you've been having a wonderful day. I can't wait to hear all about what the places you have seen are like. I want to know what your favorite places was. What place was not as great as you thought. What do you wish you did. I am hear for all of it as if I was in your mind the entire time.

Meanwhile my mind has been rolling through different things that are uniquely ours and what could be ours. How can I share with you more when we are so far apart. I want you to feel as if I am beside you. Have we not advanced enough in tech for that to be possible. HA.

I must conclude my letter for today but I am always here for you. Thank you for being you and being in my life.

yours,

Jasmine

# data[].attributes.body
Today I realized something that might be too dangerous to say out loud but it's in my brain and screaming at me to be let out. Unfortunately I don't think Im ready to say it but I do want you to know that I would move heaven and earth right now to hold you in my arms. I would swim across the 7 oceans to just get a glimpse of you. I have truly missed you more than what can be healthy for a human being and not just because I want to touch you (so bad) but because I want to see you smile and hopefully be the reason why you are doing it. I want to hear your laugh, your giggle, and even maybe a snore or two lol! The way I want you is so dangerous and I can't even do anything about it. I'm ensnared into your soul and honestly I don't want to be let out. I don't want to go another day without you and most importantly I never want you to second guess all of the love you deserve.

Love Mateus

# data[].attributes.body
lunedi

You never cease to spark my intrigue. I won't press a topic that you are not ready to talk about but if there is anything I can do to make sure you are always comfortable talking to me, please let me know. I want to be able to always support you. I never want to make you feel judged or absurd or anything negative when you have something to say. I hope you know that I will learn to fly a plane so you don't have swim across the 7 oceans.

Would you like some positive news? I was extremely productive this morning. I didn't want to do the work, I was so uninpsired but due to anxiety I completed it. Now I have more work today that regardless of the anxiety I can't complete because I do not have the info. That's not positive, I am sorry ha. Work is chugging along and I am still trying to get a handle on the rhythm of it. I shall check in later my mi tesoro ...

IM BACK! Well I never left to be honest ha. I’m always right here. It feels like the evenings are harder. I do optimistically hope to talk to you though I know I shouldn’t right now. I can’t help it. The missing you is growing when I didn’t think it could grow more. I keep thinking of ways to make it easier in us but find that our boat doesn’t give us much wiggle room.

I won’t be sad. Nope. We got this. Our boat is perfect. Ha :) I’ll end this on that positive note. You’re amazing.

And I’m here for you, for what a lifetime will allow

Your Jasmine

# data[].attributes.body
martedi

I woke up missing you more today. I know you're gonna hate this but I was feeling down and really wanted dose of you. It feels selfish to want you in this way. But somehow you make it feel ok to share the sad with. I know you wish I would only be happy but it's not how my brain is wired. I know distance is hard on us in this aspect. I feel we are both people who want to physically be there through the more difficult times. What I will say is that just talking with you helps more than you think it does.

ITS BEAUTIFUL, and I cannot reiterate it enough. It definately sends the message you were aiming for. I was completely shocked and overwhelmed with joy. I had it by my side while I worked for a while. It brought a smile to my face.

I know this isn't much of a letter today but I don't want to ramble all my thoughts at the moment. I want to revel in the beautiful gift, revel in the beautiful gesture, revel in the joy and revel in our boat.

always in the boat,

your gremlin

# data[].attributes.body
By now my gift has gotten to you and you may have realized why I thought you would hate it. I wanted something that would show you the undying love I have for you and what better gift than a forever rose? I truly hope you enjoy it and that it brings memories of happiness and love...I'm sorry it couldn't be more but I didn't want to risk anything...

# data[].attributes.body
mercoledì

Apparently my update didn’t save yesterday -_- ugh! I’m going to check my computer later and see if maybe the internet was being slow. It’s possible.

I did something stupid yesterday. Meandered the media of social. I didn’t really expect to feel the way I feel about it. Maybe it has a lot to do with how low this week is for me. I promise that there are positive feelings. I just don’t want to hide what’s actually going on in the moment. And I promise that I am filled with the love that you express. I’ll stop ruminating on this now and try to just do regular things and see how the day goes.

My hope today is to make headway with work. Mundane I know haha but it’s what the day is. I hope the food your eating is mouth watering and the sites you see are breathe taking.

Ok so I realized I didn't press update on my last letter, it is updated now. Please ignore my earlier ramble rant.

What a beautiful letter amore mio. I learn more and more about you and your amazingness each day. I feel like there's something in me that I want to say but my mind hasn't formed the words yet to articulate it. I think I am going to try and write in a bit a see what comes out.

You're one my mind endlessly, it feels like you've been there for eternity ... from the beginning.

I hope you had a beautiful day and I cannot wait till I get to see you.

<3

Jasmine

# data[].attributes.body
Human beings, namely us, are very fragile creatures with a limited life span of what...70 years if we are lucky? In all of my time on Earth I have never met someone that makes me wish for an eternity. Makes me wish that I could stay on this planet to just bask in the glow of such a warm soul and yet here you are. Here you are showing me what life could be with passion and love thrown back into the mix. Here you are making me want to live such a fantastic life with you by my side. Here you are making fall back in love with life again. So cheers to an eternity, an eternity that will hopefully last forever in our hearts well after they have stopped beating. Most importantly, cheers to you my love...don't ever change.

# data[].attributes.body
venerdì

I missed yesterday. I am sorry. It was a much busier day and I was exhausted! I even fell asleep without trying to sleep. I had work to finish, which is what I am doing so early this morning. To make up for yesterday, today's letter will be longer. Enjoy all the extra rambling.

So a summary on yesterday - I was productive I guess. I had to complete something that took more effort and time I thought it would. The heat and exhuastion made it a more difficult day for my patience. BUUUUUT i so appreciate my reward ;) SO dangerous ... How from so far with limited communication do you makeme want more and more of you. How dare I be so greedy! It does also make me want to cherish you more. Show you how much you mean to me. Give you everything you've ever dreamed of and maybe even things you didn't even know were possible. The gift i bought for you came in. I need to figure out how to get it to you. I don't know if you'll even like it but it has a cute concept and even if you don't like the gift i feel you'll like the concept.

I need to get some work done but I'll come back later with today's updates. Know that while I work your gift is literally and figuratively lighting up my world.

I was productive today and many bene things happened at work. I would love to tell you about it. I can’t wait until we have time to talk more. Nothing I try to write now seems any good compared to your note. So beautiful. I appreciate hearing about your dreams. I hope you get what you want and the dreams comes to you again. I would love to hear more. A few more days and we can talk again. I’ll try to keep myself occupied so my days go by quicker. Ugh. The nights are hard. The extra silence is deafening. Until tomorrow you.

❤️Jasmine

# data[].attributes.body
Last night I had such vivid dreams that I still remember them right now...every little detail. I should start off by saying I never remember my dreams...not vividly anyways. But there you were Jasmine, by my side through all of the adventures and maybe that's why I remember them so well...maybe when it comes to you my mind tries so hard to remember every little thing as to not miss any important detail about you. We got married in my dream, and I don't think I have to tell you just how incredible you looked in a dress...this might be dangerous to say but it's the truth. We also went on a beach trip...I'm assuming it was our honeymoon? The way the golden hour of the sun hit you in my dream was something out of a fairy tale...i would love to try to recreate it one day, or better yet I NEED to see it in person again. You were so incredible in all of my dreams and it felt so real...maybe that's why I woke up sad, feeling like I was missing something. That something was you and as dangerous as I'm being I'd give anything to have held you last night baby...I hope tonight my mind revisits these dreams so I can once again soak up just how intoxicating you are. Until the next sleep...your Mateus. Always.

# data[].attributes.body
It was something out of a fever dream to be able to see and talk with you for hours. I tried to play it cool like a Mateus should but after seeing your smile...i melted. My facade faded instantly see you light up with laughter and in that moment I truly remembered what it means to be alive. What it means to appreciate life and all that it has to offer...I'm ashamed of myself for even forgetting. Jasmine, I know I show my gratitude a lot, but I can't thank you enough for making me feel the way you do. Making me feel as if I actually matter and make a difference. I promise to use this newfound outlook to keep you and everyone I love as happy as can be...I love you Jasmine, so much.

# data[].attributes.body
lunedi

we have all these expectations that we know how things will go, or we play out all these what ifs ... but what do we want? what do we want now?

I try to answer this but you leave me speechless. You may have melted today but I could hardly tell. Everything goes blank. I'm just there, taking in all of you. How do you get someone like me to stop thinking and just be? I don't know if you understand the gravity of that.

I am genuinely curious to know what you see when you look at me. Can you see the anxiety that seeps through my smile? Can you see the desire beating through my chest? Can you see longing racing through my mind? Can you hear the love pouring from my words? Do you see the light reflecting from my eyes?

Know that no matter what beauty you see in me, it's only there because you're the one looking. I treat you the way you deserve to be treated and I know what that is b/c it's the way you treat me.

You bring me unbelievable happiness Matues and I love you too, so much.

always thinking of being in your embrace,

your Jasmine

# data[].attributes.body
The more I learn about you, the more I understand you, the more I feel as if I'm being choked by this word...unworthy. You have been through so much and made it out stronger, better, and even somehow more loving. You are so kind and truly you are one of a kind...I love you so much for your uniqueness. So much so that I am constantly reminded of how unworthy I am of your love. We accept the love we think we deserve and I know I don't deserve yours. All of my past failings and baggage seem to constantly get in the way because I haven't been through the journey like you have. I don't shine in the night sky like you do. You are the shining star and I'm the darkness that surrounds you. I'm so selfish to even think I deserve someone like you in my life and even more so because I never want to lose you...but I, mateus know better. I know who I am and just how much I self sabotage. Who am I kidding that someone as perfect as you would ever be content with me? I appreciate all of the love you show me Jasmine and I hope one day I can repay you by being worthy of it...

# data[].attributes.body
Today wasn't a good day for me, Jasmine. I'm struggling to deal with all of these thoughts and anxiety. I called you and I texted you that I needed you but I know you were busy so of course it went unanswered. I also realize that you are going through a lot of pain right now too and it's not fair that you would have to take care of me too. I actually feel more guilty about it because now I feel as if my existence is annoying you. I feel as if I'm adding to your problems instead of helping fix them and I know I'm right. As I write this I think back on how incredible these 3 months have been and how much I appreciate you putting up with me for this long. I knew I wasn't good enough for you but I kept trying to lie to myself that someone as amazing as you could love someone like me. I knew the dark side of my soul would come out, these worries, these thoughts. Once again I lied to myself thinking I would be strong enough to handle them. I'm sorry for everything I have put you through, I truly am.

# data[].attributes.body
Today was the day I was dreading. The day you decided to take a step back, to do what's right. I understand why it had to happen, why this was the answer. Doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt any less, that it doesn't feel like an end to something beautiful. I feel like I was just a page in your book, a fleeting moment in your journey...while I wanted you to be the start of a new chapter for me. it's so hard not to text you, to call you, to tell you how much I love you and want you in my life. I want to tell you how much of a mistake I think this is, how we should find a different solution....but I know that's counter productive to what you want...what you need. I truly do want you happy...happy in who you've become and who you want to be and I know this is the best for you. I really did want to take care of you until my last breathe...to keep that smile on your face...and if this is the best way to do that then so be it. I will always love you Jasmine....always yours, Mateus.

# data[].attributes.body
Allthe right things are going to happen. All the right people are going to come, and all the wrong people are going

to leave. You're going to have a beautiful home that brings

you peace, and you're going to have a dynamic career that

gives you purpose. You're going to wake up next to the

love of your life and spill sweet words over morning coffee.

You're goingto have slow Sundays and wholesome holi-

days. Your art is going to be impactful and you're going to

be recognized for your devotion. You're going to travel and

see the world and you're going to encounter incredible

people along the way. You're going to be seen for who you

are and appreciated for all that you do.

# data[].attributes.body
I think about you. Mostly when I realize I am alone. Not because I am alone but because I have finally stopped and have free time and I think about who I want to spend my free time with and it's you. There is so much time I want to have with you. I cant give you the why but it's just how I feel. I miss you, I miss the future.

i love you

<3 jasmine