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Chapter 1. Be Heard and Make Proactive Change with All-Important Communication
People everywhere find themselves racking their brains, making lists, searching for that all-important missing link between them and their goals. They think there's a special formula, a specific, tech-based skill; they believe that if they simply enter into another college course, another degree program, they'll automatically rally to the top.
However, this is a fantasy.
The truth is: the number one element all leaders, success-seeking people, and generally, well, anyone who wants to make a true and realized impact on the world need is communication.

Give this a think for a moment. How do the very best leaders in the world fuel their people with motivation in order to seek great results? They do it through clear and earnest communication-communication that puts a fire in their employees' guts. How do people in the marketing industry bring companies to buy their products? They do so through effective marketing communication-through ads that perfectly iterate what it is they're trying to say.

Furthermore, the best relationships in the world are founded on good, precise communication. Through this streamlined communication, both partners can communicate their needs, their wants. They can directly respond to the mentioned needs and wants. Nothing is hidden.

What is Effective Communication?

Essentially, communication simply involves taking information from one place (perhaps from one mind) and transmitting it to another. This can be done utilizing the voice, utilizing print (be it books, written letters, websites, etc.), utilizing visuals (like maps or logos), or without utilizing any words at all (via gestures and body language).

Know that transmitting this information appropriately and effectively shows good, proper communication. With this good communication, people can alter their effectiveness at social gatherings, at work, and in their romantic lives. The ease with which they can handle communication situations-even at everyday locations, like the gas station-will be incredible.

Imagine: having the ability to say exactly what you mean, and then allowing that meaning to be translated explicitly and perfectly in the other person's mind-even when that other person has a completely different background. This is the goal of communication.

The heightened ability to translate this information with effectiveness is one of the most vital life skills. Working on communication skills today is essential, as building communication skills is a never-halting process. In fact, people can learn to communicate better in all walks of life.

Professional Importance of Communication

When people apply for jobs, they should know that employers rank communication skills as the number one essential quality or skill of potential employees. Thusly, when people apply to professional positions, it's important that they demonstrate ease in communication. They should be able to, for example, hold the room, speak to many different people, and maintain eye contact throughout. During this talk, people must ensure that their language is appropriate for the audience. They must listen to each question wholly in order to comprehend the communication that's coming back. Phew. Already, it seems like a great deal to handle-and this is just the interview stage.

Different Kinds of Communication

Interpersonal Communication

People utilize interpersonal communication skills during face-to-face communication with other peers. Know that during this process of interpersonal communication, the words people are saying represent only a small percentage of the communication they're sending across. People are constantly communication through facial expressions, gestures, small signals, their appearance, and their body language.

Furthermore, if people have heightened communication issues (and if they aren't like that person everyone knows who just talks on and on), they spend approximately forty-five percent of their communication time just listening to other people. Know

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Communication Skills For Everyday People: Communication Skills: Social Intelligence - Social Skills

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Communication Skills for Everyday People: Communication Techniques. Enhanced and effective communication is the Number One tool people require in the business world and in personal relationships. With effective and efficient communication, people are able to lead with compassion and understanding, to find success, and to reach toward their goals with greater ease.

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Technology has enabled us to easily communicate with anyone from anywhere at anytime.

But it's this convenience that often leads people to make embarrassing mistakes that may be detrimental to their professional reputation. After all, how you communicate with others greatly affects the way they perceive you.

Do you know the rules when it comes to communicating via phone, email, instant message, text, and Skype? Career coach Barbara Pachter outlines modern communication etiquette rules in her latest book "The Essentials Of Business Etiquette," and we pulled out the most important ones:

Mike Nudelman / Business Insider

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15 Communication Etiquette Rules Every Professional Needs To Know

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Technology has enabled us to easily communicate with anyone from anywhere at anytime. But it's this convenience that often leads people to make embarrassing mistakes that may be detrimental to their professional reputation. After all, how you communicate with others greatly affects the way they perceive you.

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An Etiquette for Computer-Based Communication by David Gurteen (Gurteen Knowledge)

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Article: An Etiquette for Computer-Based Communication by David Gurteen

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Live Chat, Customer Service Blog | Provide Support

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Properly and politely asked questions always make a good impression on customers. They create an atmosphere of friendliness and encourage customers to come back again and again. Normally it is not enough to answer questions politely, it is also important to put questions properly, show respect and polite attitude. In this blog post I would like to share some live chat etiquette ideas about this. Here they are:

Smile when asking questions

We can ask questions in a different way but if we want to provide a memorable customer experience we need to express our friendliness and desire to better assist not only while answering questions but also while asking them. Just compare these two questions:

"You spent more than $50 in our shop, we will ship your order for free. Where should we deliver your order?"

"We are glad to offer you a free shipping. Could you let us know the most suitable for you location where we can deliver your order?"

In both cases the same information is requested but the second example brings more positive emotions.

Avoid Yes / No questions

When you ask a yes/no question, you will most likely get incomplete information. Instead, you can ask an open-ended question. By using an open-ended question you get insights and additional information you may need. Close-ended questions with "is," "are," "would," "should" and "do you think" in most cases lead to a yes or no answer. However, when you ask WH questions you normally receive more details.

Listen and don't interrupt

Before you start asking questions ensure your customer has finished his story and you analyzed all the information provided. Only after this you can ask for additional details or clarifications. Interrupting customers and not listening to them is the most frequent mistake customer service agents make. And unfortunately in most cases it leads to poor customer experience and dissatisfied customers. However, when you listen to your customer's story and take into account all information provided you will faster find a solution and avoid irritation while assisting your customer. Even if you have already understood the problem and have a ready solution, just listen and don't interrupt. Your customer's loyalty will be the best reward for this.

Explain your misunderstanding

Sometimes we can miss something out or just misunderstand what our customers meant. It happens and the best way is to let your customers know about your misunderstanding before asking questions. The following phrases will help you to express misunderstanding in a polite manner:

"I'm a bit unclear with that explanation..."

"I am sorry, I think I misunderstood you. Could you clarify regarding .... to ensure I understand everything correctly"

Gather as much information as possible about the issue

Before you start asking your customer questions ensure you have all needed information about the issue to avoid dumb and unnecessary questions. If you do not know something you can use Google to get some general information for better understanding. If a search engine can clear your doubts and give you an answer it is better to use it instead of asking your customers and showing you are not as technically savvy as you are expected to be.

Use correct grammar

Improper spelling sometimes is even worse than incompetence. Grammar and lexical mistakes may lead to misunderstanding and using of slang and acronyms in chat may create an impression of low quality of your customer service.

Don't be aggressive when asking questions

When you ask questions in an aggressive manner you show that you suppose you are right and the other person is wrong. Questions asked in this way demonstrate that you are an argumentative person. Try being open-minded and show your genuine interest by asking questions right. Otherwise you may receive not helpful but defensive response. Avoid starting your questions with "Isn't it true that....", "I suppose you are wrong since....". Instead, express your point of view and ask if the person you are talking with agrees with you.

Keep your questions simple

Don't explain anything more than it is required to understand you and give you an answer. Extra information can be sometimes distracting and may cause misunderstanding or receiving a reply to an entirely different question.

How to follow up with a customer who shows no activity in live chat

By using supportive questions you can follow up with your customer and ensure the issue has been solved. You can also use such questions if your customers shows no activity in live chat. However, you need to ask questions carefully and avoid negativity in them. Otherwise your customers may think you are trying to finish the chat session faster and do not want to assist them. Please take a look at these questions:

"Is there anything else wrong?"

"How else can I help you today?"

"I am sorry, is there anything else I can help you with today?"

When you ask your customer a negative question, you may get a negative outcome. However, if you inquire about further assistance in a positive manner showing that you are ready and willing to assist, your customers will feel happy and satisfied with your customer service level.

I hope you found these live chat etiquette tips helpful. If you'd like to share some more examples and recommendations, please feel free to leave your comments below.
Provide Support is a leading software provider in customer service, offering live chat and real-time visitor monitoring tool for websites. Empowering customer service with live chat.

www.providesupport.com

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Live Chat Etiquette Basics. How to Ask Questions Correctly | Provide Support

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Properly and politely asked questions always make a good impression on customers. They create an atmosphere of friendliness and encourage customers to come back again and again. Normally it is not enough to answer questions politely, it is also important to put questions properly, show respect and polite attitude.

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Eye contact: The most important communication tool

Is your eye contact aggressive, is it soft, is it inviting, do you love with your eyes? Eye contact is a very tricky art to master but vital to effective communication. How can you make it better?

Eye contact provides social information to the person you are listening to and talking to. Too much eye contact and you could be seen as aggressive, too little eye contact and you can be seen as having no interest in the person speaking. It is an often overlooked skill to have and an under utilised skill when communicating with people. You can see masters of eye contact in great sales persons, politicians, and good public speakers.

I realised the importance of eye contact when I was counseling people face to face. I noticed when I broke eye contact the person would stop speaking. When I maintained eye contact the person would continue talking knowing that I was interested in what they had to say.

Physiological signs of eye contact

Street traders know the importance of the eyes when using their selling skills to keep their potential buyers interested. When you are aroused or interested in an object your pupils will dilate and this is a big cue for salesmen all over the world.

Also when you are interested in someone sexually your pupils will dilate and you hold the person's gaze a little longer than normal. When I was single I always knew when a girl was interested in me through her eyes, now that I am married if I get the same signs I discourage eye contact.

Every day conversation and eye contact

We will use eye contact every day of our lives so it makes sense to learn the best ways to use your eyes to your advantage.

Certain situations demand different uses of the eyes. For example if your are arguing it is seen as strong if you can hold your gaze. If you are deferring to someone it is better to lower your eyes, if you are loving someone it is good to stare into the pool of the eyes.

6 Ways to improve your eye contact skills

1. Talking to a group - When talking to a group of people it is great to have direct contact with your listeners. Don't make the mistake of maintaining eye contact with just one person as this will stop the other members of the group from listening. To get past this, focus on a different member of the group with every new sentence. This way you are talking to all of the group and keeping them all interested.

2. Talking to an individual - It is great to maintain eye contact when talking to a person however it can become a bit creepy and uncomfortable if you stare intensely at them. To combat this, break eye contact every 5 seconds or so. When breaking the eye contact don't look down as this might indicate the ending of your part of the conversation. Instead, look up or to the side as if your are remembering something. Try it just now: don't move your head, and think about the first time you started school. You will notice your eyes might move up or to the side as you try to remember this. So when your listener sees this they will think you are trying to remember something and keep on listening to you.

3. Listening to someone - When you are listening to someone it can be off putting for the talker if you stare at them too hard. The technique I use when I am counseling someone is to use what I call 'The triangle'. This is when I look at one eye for about 5 seconds, look at the other eye for 5 seconds and then look at the mouth for 5 seconds and keep on rotating in this way. This technique coupled with other listening skills such as nodding, occasional agreement words such as 'yes', 'Uh -huh' 'mm' etc is a great way to keep the talker talking and to show them you are interested in what they are saying.

4. Arguing - Arguing with someone is a skill in itself and if you want to compete in an argument holding the gaze shows strength. If you look away when arguing with someone you have all but lost the argument. Obviously this depends on who you are arguing with but in general it is better to hold the gaze whilst you are making your point and also when you are listening to the other person. We have all come across the person who is great at arguing and making you feel small, you will notice that everyone who is like this try to stare you out. Stare back, it will surprise them, piss them off and put them off what they are trying to say. Staying silent and staring at someone who is trying to rile you is also an effective way to win an argument without saying a word.

5. Attracting someone - When you are trying to attract someone and show them you are interested you can talk and listen with your eyes. When a person you like is speaking use the whole face as your focal point. Look at their eyes, listen to what they are saying, smile in the appropriate places, raise your eyebrows in the appropriate places. If you feel you are staring at them move to their other features such as their lips, their cheeks, their nose and then back to their eyes. Smiling when listening to someone is a great way to show you are interested in them, obviously don't smile when they have just told you their pet died last night. You have to listen with your ears as well as listening with your eyes (yes I did mean listening with your eyes, you listen to someone's body language with your eyes).

6. Loving someone - My wife and I often share a prolonged gaze into each others eyes and it is a very special thing to just stare without talking. My wife's pupils will dilate and she can my pupils dilating. It creates a strong bond between us. To make your pupils dilate even more you can try this: as you are staring at your partner imagine yourself going inside their body and your two souls making love. You are trying to touch their very soul. This will release adrenalin and make your pupils dilate even more.

Some Amazing Comments

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6 ways to dramatically improve your eye contact skills -

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Eye contact: The most important communication tool Is your eye contact aggressive, is it soft, is it inviting, do you love with your eyes? Eye contact is a very tricky art to master but vital to effective communication. How can you make it better? Eye contact provides social information to the person you are listening ...

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I think we've all encountered men who have a knack for good conversation. They can talk to anybody about anything in a laid-back, casual manner that sets people immediately at ease. A complete stranger can walk away from these conversational maestros feeling like he's known known them for years.

It's easy to think that the art of conversation is a skill that the gods bestow on a happy few, while cursing most men with turbid tongues.

While it's true that some men simply have a greater portion of innate natural charm, the art of conversation is a skill in which all men can become competent. You may never have a silver-tongue, but you can learn to converse in ways that make you a valued party guest, set you apart at company functions, impress the ladies, and win you new friends. Below, we provide some tips and guidelines as an introduction (or reminder) on properly engaging in conversation.

5 Dos of Conversation

Listen more than you talk. Ironically enough, the key to the art of conversation is not in the talking, but in the listening. Avoid conversational narcissism. Ask those you converse with interesting and thoughtful questions. People love to talk about themselves. Don't ask what someone does and leave it at that. Ask them what the hardest part of their job is, how the future of their profession looks. Then ask follow-up questions to tease out more details. Act genuinely interested by focusing on who's talking, nodding your head, and adding "hmmms" and "uh-huhs" at appropriate moments.

Come to an occasion armed with topics at the ready. On the way to a party or dinner, I think about the people I will be seeing that night and brainstorm stories I can tell and questions I can ask. "George will like to hear about how the woodshed is coming along. Grace just got back from seeing her folks in Minnesota, so I'll ask about that, and I'll see what Tyler thought about that book he just finished."

If you don't know the people you will be conversing with, think about the things that will probably interest those you meet. Ask them about the unique aspects of their locale ("I saw an interesting statue in the way into town. What's the story behind it?"), read up on the company they work for ("I hear you will be expanding into China soon; when will that be happening?), and ask those who do know the others better for some background information.

Tailor the conversation to the listener. It's easy to say, "Don't talk politics, sex, or religion." And when in any doubt, don't. But a much better rule is simply to tailor your conversation topics to those you are conversing with. Talking about politics, religion, and sex with new acquaintances can be awkward; arguing with the same buddies you've been arguing with for ten years at your weekly poker night can be the highlight of the week. Talking about motorcycles in mixed company will bore half the room; not talking about them with your riding posse would be unthinkable.

Take your turn. A conversation is a group project, with each person weaving in a tidbit here and there. It's no time for monologues. If you notice that you have talked for a few minutes without any questions, comments, or general signs of life from other people, you are likely sucking up the air in the room. Cede the floor to someone else.

Think before you speak. Most foot-in-mouth moments occur because of a failure to think before speaking. You rant about the war and then remember your friend's boyfriend just returned from Iraq. To avoid offending, don't throw out statements laden with value-judgments. For example, instead of saying, "The mayor sure is a moron, huh?" Ask, "What do you think of the mayor's rebuilding proposal?"

5 Don'ts of Conversation

Don't interrupt. There are actually two forms of interrupting, as 1954's Esquire Etiquette explains:

"The obvious one, interrupting the speaker in mid-sentence, is easy to avoid: just wait until the other has stopped talking before you start. (And don't ever say, "Have you finished?" You might as well say right out that he's a windy numskull and you thought he'd never run down.) The other kind of interruption, equally culpable, is often prefaced by "That reminds me..." or "By the way." Such phrases usually signal a digression or irrelevancy. When you interrupt another's train of thought, or send a discussion off into a tangent, you indicate that you are either stupid or rude, either unable or unwilling to stick with the speaker's point.

Even if everyone observed these rules, telephones, doorbells and new arrivals would always conspire to interrupt you in mid-point. When you are interrupted, the politest thing to do is the hardest thing: shut up. Don't go back and finish a story - don't excavate a buried point - unless you are asked to do so. If a new listener has come up in mid-story, a polite someone else will brief him on the subject and ask you to go on; the polite newcomer will second the nomination; only then, with the briefest possible synopsis of what you said before, can you go on. If you are not given these cues, it may be because your story is not appropriate for the newcomer's ears or because the situation gets beyond control; it's not always because your audience was bored. So, if you get a chance to make your point later on, don't air your annoyance with a petulant, "As I was trying to say a little earlier..."

Don't talk to only one person when conversing in a group. This leaves the others dangling and awkward on the periphery. This is not simply a matter of whom you are physically conversing with - you can also ice people out by choosing subjects on which they have no interest or knowledge, such as the intricacies of your job that only your co-worker understands and inside jokes and "remember whens" with your buddy. Bring up topics on which everyone can chime in.

Don't engage in "one-upping." The one-upper not only makes a lousy friend, he also makes a highly annoying conversationalist. You say you just bought some new boots; he raises you one by talking about the shoes he cobbled together himself with leather he got by killing a deer with only a bowie knife. The one-upper believes that his stories show his superiority; on the contrary, they reveal his naked insecurity.

Don't overshare. We've all met the man who pours out his life story as soon as you meet him. Within two minutes you know why his girlfriend dumped him, how worried he is about losing his hair, and why he'll never be promoted at work. This instant unburdening reads as desperation and repels people faster than water off a duck's back. You have to cultivate a little mystery; leave people intrigued and wanting more.

And at the same time, you don't want to dig too deeply into the personal life of other people either. Respect the privacy of others. To avoid inadvertently touching on a sensitive spot, instead of asking someone about X, volunteer that information about yourself. A person who is comfortable talking about X will typically offer up their own experience in turn. If they don't respond in kind, change the subject.

4 Things Not to Say
"Am I boring you?"
An embarrassing question - the person will never answer no, it comes off a bit accusatory (the person will feel as though they were looking at you with an uninterested expression), and even if you weren't previously boring them, the power of suggestion will plant the idea in their head that the conversation had been rather tedious after all.

Instead of asking a question like that outright, simply pay attention to the person's facial expressions and body language. If they look bored, they probably are. Time to switch things up.
"Huh?" "What?" "Say What?" "Eh?" (The latter is okay if you use an ear-horn.)
Too abrupt. The speaker will feel awkward. Instead ask, "What was the last thing you said? I didn't catch it." And don't nod and smile when you don't know what was just said. Sometimes it works; sometimes the person just said, "A dingo made off with my baby last night."
"Actually, you should say 'between you and me,' not 'between you and I.'"
If grammatical mistakes make the hair on the back of your neck stand up, you may find it difficult to restrain yourself from correcting the errors of others. But a conversation is no time to be pedantic. You'll come off as smug and patronizing and bring any rapport you were building with a person to a screeching halt. Don't miss the forest for the trees.

Actually, if grammatical mistakes make the hair on the back of your neck stand up, you might want to look into taking up some new hobbies.
"Stop me if I've told you this story before..."
No one will ever stop you. So your question just prolongs the time they have to act like they've never heard the story of the time you almost ran over Barry Switzer while he was riding his fixed gear bicycle near the OU dorms.
Read up on 5 more things you shouldn't bring up in conversation.
The Number One Rule of Conversation: Be Natural

As with most matters of etiquette and sociality, once you understand the ground rules, stop thinking about them so much and let things flow. You can follow all the above dos and dont's, but if it seems to others like your conversating by a checklist, then you might as well be waxing poetic about your butt hair. It doesn't matter how polite you are if you come off as a phony. Drop the affectations. Talk about things that you're comfortable talking about; use words that you're comfortable using. As Esquire Etiquette advises:

"You've often heard that what you say and how you say it is a first impression give-away to your character and your background - but there's a sleeper in that bromide: It's a bigger give-away to pretend to be something you are not than to be what you are without apology. No matter what the lady-books say about "cultivated speech," a man's speech had best not be cultivated; it ought first of all to be natural...The pretty politeness of speech you find in the girls' books are not for you, sir. If you mean "Sorry," say "Sorry" - not I'm so sorry," not "I beg your pardon." If you mean that the dinner was damned good say so; don't mince around with uneasy words like "exquisite" or "lovely." Leave the "my dears" to the aged, and " do comes" to the feminine gender. And forget about the supposedly gallant phrases like "Allow me" and "After you." It is not etiquette to say things the long way or the fancy way. Be yourself. Be a man."

Read Part II of the Art of Conversation: How to Avoid Conversational Narcissism
What are your tips for mastering the art of conversation? Share them with us in the comments!
Tags: art of conversation

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Conversation Etiquette: 5 Dos and Don'ts | The Art of Manliness

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I think we've all encountered men who have a knack for good conversation. They can talk to anybody about anything in a laid-back, casual manner that sets people immediately at ease. A complete stranger can walk away from these conversational maestros feeling like he's known known them for years.

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Although conversation may seem insignificant, it is extremely necessary to maintain a healthy lifestyle and engage in different thoughts and emotions. Whether it be talking about something that's troubling you or just having a general chat, communication is valid in achieving a better mental state. Here are some reasons why you should talk to others more!

1. Releases stress

If and when facing a problem, talking is especially helpful to take some of the weight off of your shoulders and give your thoughts a voice. Research suggests that actions of kindness help to trigger the release of stress-reducing hormones. Good relationships also cultivate a sense of well-being and emotional security which also lead to being less stressed.

2. Strengthens relationships

Talking more to the people around you help you to get to know them better thus allowing your relationship with them to grow. Many studies have shown that people who have satisfying relationships with others are happier, have fewer health problems, and live longer. On the contrary, a lack of social relations is associated with problems such as depression.

3. Allows another perspective on an issue

When feeling troubled, it can be difficult to take a step back and look at the problem from a different viewpoint. Talking to someone can allow them to give their own opinion and helpful advice which you may not have thought of yourself.

4. Allows you to be given support

Isolating ourselves in this manner can do more harm than good. Even if it is just hearing a reassuring voice, healthy relationships provide the support and encouragement needed to rise to new and different challenges. Moreover, having someone who will listen without judging when you're feeling down or frustrated gives you the freedom to express yourself

Although talking may not always feel good, it is always part of the healing process and will benefit you in the long run. Talking to someone you trust in particular can allow your emotions to be dealt with kindness, sympathy and support - the way they always should be dealt with.
Written by Areeba Fahim

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Although conversation may seem insignificant, it is extremely necessary to maintain a healthy lifestyle and engage in different thoughts and emotions. Whether it be talking about something that's troubling you or just having a general chat, communication is valid in achieving a better mental state.