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“Marilyn: young and unafraid in a classroom of men. Draining the urine from her flasks, plugging her ears by filling her head with dreams. A white blouse in a sea of navy-blue blazers. How she had longed for different: in her life, in herself” (251 Ng).

From a young age, Marilyn showed how determined she was to achieve her goals. She refused to let any obstacle get in the way of her education. Despite intense discrimination and prejudice from her classmates she persevered. She was not afraid to stand out and almost seeks to be unique. At this point in her lifetime nothing has affected her in her life enough to halt her goals.

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“There was James, kneeling on the floor beside her chair as if in prayer. There was her old life, soft and warm and smothering, pulling her into its lap. Nine weeks. Her grand plan had lasted nine weeks. Everything she had dreamed for herself faded away, like fine mist on a breeze. She could not remember now why she thought it had all been possible” (144 Ng).

Suddenly, Marilyn's life and plans take a dramatic turn when she finds out she is pregnant. The idea of becoming a housewife like her mother is far from what Marilyn ever wanted. She longed to seek higher education and worked very hard to get to where she was. Now she is forced to leave school and raise her daughter. This was never what she saw coming and it is very difficult for her. She watches her future she had envisioned disappear completely.

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"“ ‘Sweetheart, I know high school may not feel important. But it’s the foundation of the rest of your life.’ She perched on the arm of Lydia’s chair and stroked her daughter’s hair. It was so crucial to make her understand, but she didn’t know how. A quiver had crept into Marilyn’s voice, but Lydia didn’t notice. ‘Trust me. Please. Don’t let your life slip away from you’ ” (222 Ng).
Marilyn had a lot of potential with her intelligence and determination but her life forever changed when she became pregnant. Now she sees herself in Lydia and pushes her to achieve her goals. While talking to her, Marilyn partially references her own life and how it slipped away from her. She will never forget or stop thinking about what could have been her own life. Instead she watches Lydia in her own schooling and hopes for a better life for her eldest daughter.

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"Of course it was possible for her: she had no husband. She let her son run wild. Without a husband, without children, perhaps it would have been possible. I could have done that, Marilyn thought, and the words clicked into place like puzzle pieces, shocking her with their rightness. The hypothetical past perfect, the tense of missed chances. Tears dripped down her chin" (96 Ng).

Marilyn reflects a lot about how her life would be different without her family. Ultimately, they were the obstacle that stopped her schooling. After Marilyn's life has changed, she still ponders what could have been. It pains her to watch her potential be wasted and she cannot get it off her mind. These thoughts bring her to tears while she watches what could have been. She had always feared repeating her mother's life and she ends up doing so.

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“I realize that I am not happy with the life I lead. I always had one kind of life in mind and things have turned out very differently. Marilyn took a deep, ragged breath. I have kept all these feelings inside me for a long time, but now, after being in my mother’s house again, I think of her and realize I cannot put them aside any longer. I know you’ll be fine without me. She paused, trying to convince herself this was true” (100 Ng).

Marilyn spends a lot of time thinking of how her goals were halted. She wanted so much more for herself that she ultimately cannot achieve. This thoughts build up inside her and she ultimately makes the decision to leave her family. She spends a lot of time pondering what to say and if this is the right decision. The idea of living the life of a housewife like her mother ultimately scares her away.

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“And then, as if the tears are telescopes, she begins to see more clearly: the shredded posters and pictures, the rubble of books, the shelf prostrate at her feet. Everything that she had wanted for Lydia, which Lydia had never wanted but had embraced anyway. A dull chill creeps over her. Perhaps—and this thought chokes her—that had dragged Lydia underwater at last” (247 Ng).

Marilyn had always wanted a better life for Lydia. She pushes her own goals and dreams on to her all throughout her life. Ultimately, Lydia dies and does not reach Marilyn's goals for her just like herself. Marilyn also has to come to terms with the fact these were never really Lydia's goals either. Realistically it was Marilyn trying to live through her and did not consider what Lydia truly wanted.