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Do You Have Any Unlikely Friendships? (Published 2017)

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What can you learn from being friends with someone who is different than you?

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Do You Take More Risks When You Are Around Your Friends? - The New York Times

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Do You Take More Risks When You Are Around Your Friends? - The New York Times

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We've all been warned about the dangers of peer pressure.

How much of a problem has peer pressure been for you and people you know? What are advantages and disadvantages to being influenced by those around you?

In the Sunday Review piece "Friends Can Be Dangerous," Laurence Steinberg describes a study he conducted that yield results about peer pressure:

The paper in question, written with my former student Margo Gardner, appeared in the journal Developmental Psychology in July 2005. It described a study in which we randomly assigned subjects to play a video driving game, either alone or with two same-age friends watching them. The mere presence of peers made teenagers take more risks and crash more often, but no such effect was observed among adults.

I find my colleagues' skepticism surprising. Most people recall that as teenagers, they did far more reckless things when with their friends than when alone. Data from the Federal Bureau of Investigation indicate that many more juvenile crimes than adult crimes are committed in groups. And driving statistics conclusively show that having same-age passengers in the car substantially increases the risk of a teen driver's crashing but has no similar impact when an adult is behind the wheel.

Then again, I'm aware that our study challenged many psychologists' beliefs about the nature of peer pressure, for it showed that the influence of peers on adolescent risk taking doesn't rely solely on explicit encouragement to behave recklessly. Our findings also undercut the popular idea that the higher rate of real-world risk taking in adolescent peer groups is a result of reckless teenagers' being more likely to surround themselves with like-minded others.

My colleagues and I have replicated our original study of peer influences on adolescent risk taking several times since 2005. We have also shown that the reason teenagers take more chances when their peers are around is partly because of the impact of peers on the adolescent brain's sensitivity to rewards. In a study of people playing our driving game, my colleague Jason Chein and I found that when teens were with people their own age, their brains' reward centers became hyperactivated, which made them more easily aroused by the prospect of a potentially pleasurable experience. This, in turn, inclined teenagers to pay more attention to the possible benefits of a risky choice than to the likely costs, and to make risky decisions rather than play it safe. Peers had no such effect on adults' reward centers, though.

Students: Read the entire article, then tell us ...

- To what degree do you identify with the description of the study?

- Why do you think Steinberg's colleagues were skeptical of the study's findings?

- What comparisons to events in your own life and those you know can you make regarding the behavior of those playing video games alone versus with peers around?

- How well do you think the study correlates to real life? Why?

- At what age do you think peer pressure is most at play in people's decisions? Why?

Students 13 and older are invited to comment below. Please use only your first name. For privacy policy reasons, we will not publish student comments that include a last name.

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Do You Take More Risks When You Are Around Your Friends?

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We've all been warned about the dangers of peer pressure. How much of a problem has peer pressure been for you and people you know? What are advantages and disadvantages to being influenced by those around you?

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Newsela | As they text more and more, are kids losing the ability to read each other?

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Newsela | As they text more and more, are kids losing the ability to read each other?

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Newsela is an Instructional Content Platform that supercharges reading engagement and learning in every subject.

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The Road Not Taken | Academy of American Poets

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The Road Not Taken | Academy of American Poets

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He saw her from the bottom of the stairs
Before she saw him.  She was starting down,
Looking back over her shoulder at some fear.
She took a doubtful step and then undid it
To raise herself and look again.  He spoke
Advancing toward her:  'What is it you see
From up there always--for I want to know.'
She turned and sank upon her skirts at that,
And her face changed from terrified to dull.
He said to gain time:  'What is it you see,'
Mounting until she cowered under him.
'I will find out now--you must tell me, dear.'
She, in her place, refused him any help
With the least stiffening of her neck and silence.
She let him look, sure that he wouldn't see,
Blind creature; and awhile he didn't see.
But at last he murmured, 'Oh,' and again, 'Oh.'

'What is it--what?' she said.
					'Just that I see.'

'You don't,' she challenged.  'Tell me what it is.'

'The wonder is I didn't see at once.
I never noticed it from here before.
I must be wonted to it--that's the reason.
The little graveyard where my people are!
So small the window frames the whole of it.
Not so much larger than a bedroom, is it?
There are three stones of slate and one of marble,
Broad-shouldered little slabs there in the sunlight
On the sidehill.  We haven't to mind those.
But I understand:  it is not the stones,
But the child's mound--'

				'Don't, don't, don't, don't,' she cried.

She withdrew shrinking from beneath his arm
That rested on the bannister, and slid downstairs;
And turned on him with such a daunting look,
He said twice over before he knew himself:
'Can't a man speak of his own child he's lost?'

'Not you!  Oh, where's my hat?  Oh, I don't need it!
I must get out of here.  I must get air.
I don't know rightly whether any man can.'

'Amy!  Don't go to someone else this time.
Listen to me.  I won't come down the stairs.'
He sat and fixed his chin between his fists.
'There's something I should like to ask you, dear.'

'You don't know how to ask it.'

					'Help me, then.'

Her fingers moved the latch for all reply.

'My words are nearly always an offense.
I don't know how to speak of anything
So as to please you.  But I might be taught
I should suppose.  I can't say I see how.
A man must partly give up being a man
With women-folk.  We could have some arrangement
By which I'd bind myself to keep hands off
Anything special you're a-mind to name.
Though I don't like such things 'twixt those that love.
Two that don't love can't live together without them.
But two that do can't live together with them.'
She moved the latch a little.  'Don't--don't go.
Don't carry it to someone else this time.
Tell me about it if it's something human.
Let me into your grief.  I'm not so much
Unlike other folks as your standing there
Apart would make me out.  Give me my chance.
I do think, though, you overdo it a little.
What was it brought you up to think it the thing
To take your mother--loss of a first child
So inconsolably--in the face of love.
You'd think his memory might be satisfied--'

'There you go sneering now!'

					'I'm not, I'm not!
You make me angry.  I'll come down to you.
God, what a woman!  And it's come to this,
A man can't speak of his own child that's dead.'

'You can't because you don't know how to speak.
If you had any feelings, you that dug
With your own hand--how could you?--his little grave;
I saw you from that very window there,
Making the gravel leap and leap in air,
Leap up, like that, like that, and land so lightly
And roll back down the mound beside the hole.
I thought, Who is that man?  I didn't know you.
And I crept down the stairs and up the stairs
To look again, and still your spade kept lifting.
Then you came in.  I heard your rumbling voice
Out in the kitchen, and I don't know why,
But I went near to see with my own eyes.
You could sit there with the stains on your shoes
Of the fresh earth from your own baby's grave
And talk about your everyday concerns.
You had stood the spade up against the wall
Outside there in the entry, for I saw it.'

'I shall laugh the worst laugh I ever laughed.
I'm cursed.  God, if I don't believe I'm cursed.'

'I can repeat the very words you were saying.
"Three foggy mornings and one rainy day
Will rot the best birch fence a man can build."
Think of it, talk like that at such a time!
What had how long it takes a birch to rot
To do with what was in the darkened parlor.
You couldn't care!  The nearest friends can go
With anyone to death, comes so far short
They might as well not try to go at all.
No, from the time when one is sick to death,
One is alone, and he dies more alone.
Friends make pretense of following to the grave,
But before one is in it, their minds are turned
And making the best of their way back to life
And living people, and things they understand.
But the world's evil.  I won't have grief so
If I can change it.  Oh, I won't, I won't!'

'There, you have said it all and you feel better.
You won't go now.  You're crying.  Close the door.
The heart's gone out of it:  why keep it up.
Amy!  There's someone coming down the road!'

'You--oh, you think the talk is all.  I must go--
Somewhere out of this house.  How can I make you--'

'If--you--do!'  She was opening the door wider.
'Where do you mean to go?  First tell me that.
I'll follow and bring you back by force.  I will!--'

Love at the lips was touch
As sweet as I could bear;
And once that seemed too much;
I lived on air

That crossed me from sweet things,
The flow of-was it musk
From hidden grapevine springs
Downhill at dusk?

I had the swirl and ache
From sprays of honeysuckle
That when they're gathered shake
Dew on the knuckle.

I craved strong sweets, but those
Seemed strong when I was young;
The petal of the rose
It was that stung.

Now no joy but lacks salt,
That is not dashed with pain
And weariness and fault;
I crave the stain

Of tears, the aftermark
Of almost too much love,
The sweet of bitter bark
And burning clove.

When stiff and sore and scarred
I take away my hand
From leaning on it hard
In grass and sand,

The hurt is not enough:
I long for weight and strength
To feel the earth as rough
To all my length.

A Christmas circular letter The city had withdrawn into itself And left at last the country to the country; When between whirls of snow not come to lie And whirls of foliage not yet laid, there drove A stranger to our yard, who looked the city, Yet did in country fashion in that there He sat and waited till he drew us out, A-buttoning coats, to ask him who he was. He proved to be the city come again To look for something it had left behind And could not do without and keep its Christmas. He asked if I would sell my Christmas trees; My woods-the young fir balsams like a place Where houses all are churches and have spires. I hadn't thought of them as Christmas trees. I doubt if I was tempted for a moment To sell them off their feet to go in cars And leave the slope behind the house all bare, Where the sun shines now no warmer than the moon. I'd hate to have them know it if I was. Yet more I'd hate to hold my trees, except As others hold theirs or refuse for them, Beyond the time of profitable growth- The trial by market everything must come to. I dallied so much with the thought of selling. Then whether from mistaken courtesy And fear of seeming short of speech, or whether From hope of hearing good of what was mine, I said, "There aren't enough to be worth while." "I could soon tell how many they would cut, You let me look them over."                                     "You could look. But don't expect I'm going to let you have them." Pasture they spring in, some in clumps too close That lop each other of boughs, but not a few Quite solitary and having equal boughs All round and round. The latter he nodded "Yes" to, Or paused to say beneath some lovelier one, With a buyer's moderation, "That would do." I thought so too, but wasn't there to say so. We climbed the pasture on the south, crossed over, And came down on the north.                                     He said, "A thousand." "A thousand Christmas trees!-at what apiece?" He felt some need of softening that to me: "A thousand trees would come to thirty dollars." Then I was certain I had never meant To let him have them. Never show surprise! But thirty dollars seemed so small beside The extent of pasture I should strip, three cents (For that was all they figured out apiece)-  Three cents so small beside the dollar friends I should be writing to within the hour Would pay in cities for good trees like those, Regular vestry-trees whole Sunday Schools Could hang enough on to pick off enough. A thousand Christmas trees I didn't know I had! Worth three cents more to give away than sell, As may be shown by a simple calculation. Too bad I couldn't lay one in a letter. I can't help wishing I could send you one, In wishing you herewith a Merry Christmas.

Anything can happen. You know how Jupiter
Will mostly wait for clouds to gather head
Before he hurls the lightning? Well, just now
He galloped his thunder cart and his horses

Across a clear blue sky. It shook the earth
And the clogged underearth, the River Styx,
The winding streams, the Atlantic shore itself.
Anything can happen, the tallest towers

Be overturned, those in high places daunted,
Those overlooked regarded. Stropped-beak Fortune
Swoops, making the air gasp, tearing the crest off one,
Setting it down bleeding on the next.

Ground gives. The heaven's weight
Lifts up off Atlas like a kettle-lid.
Capstones shift, nothing resettles right.
Telluric ash and fire-spores boil away.

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He saw her from the bottom of the stairs Before she saw him. She was starting down, Looking back over her shoulder at some fear. She took a doubtful step and then undid it To raise herself and look again. He spoke Advancing toward her: 'What is it you see From up there always--for I want to know.'

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The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost : The Poetry Foundation

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The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost : The Poetry Foundation

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We Real Cool | Academy of American Poets

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We Real Cool | Academy of American Poets

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	arrive. The Ladies from the Ladies' Betterment
   League
Arrive in the afternoon, the late light slanting
In diluted gold bars across the boulevard brag
Of proud, seamed faces with mercy and murder hinting
Here, there, interrupting, all deep and debonair,
The pink paint on the innocence of fear;
Walk in a gingerly manner up the hall.
Cutting with knives served by their softest care,
Served by their love, so barbarously fair.
Whose mothers taught: You'd better not be cruel!
You had better not throw stones upon the wrens!
Herein they kiss and coddle and assault
Anew and dearly in the innocence
With which they baffle nature. Who are full,
Sleek, tender-clad, fit, fiftyish, a-glow, all
Sweetly abortive, hinting at fat fruit,
Judge it high time that fiftyish fingers felt
Beneath the lovelier planes of enterprise.
To resurrect. To moisten with milky chill.
To be a random hitching post or plush.
To be, for wet eyes, random and handy hem.
	Their guild is giving money to the poor.
The worthy poor. The very very worthy
And beautiful poor. Perhaps just not too swarthy?
Perhaps just not too dirty nor too dim
Nor-passionate. In truth, what they could wish
Is-something less than derelict or dull.
Not staunch enough to stab, though, gaze for gaze!
God shield them sharply from the beggar-bold!
The noxious needy ones whose battle's bald
Nonetheless for being voiceless, hits one down.
	But it's all so bad! and entirely too much for them.
The stench; the urine, cabbage, and dead beans,
Dead porridges of assorted dusty grains,
The old smoke,heavy diapers, and, they're told, Something called chitterlings. The darkness. Drawn Darkness, or dirty light. The soil that stirs. The soil that looks the soil of centuries. And for that matter thegeneral oldness. Old Wood. Old marble. Old tile. Old old old. Not homekind Oldness! Not Lake Forest, Glencoe. Nothing is sturdy, nothing is majestic, There is no quiet drama, no rubbed glaze, no Unkillable infirmity of such A tasteful turn as lately they have left, Glencoe, Lake Forest, and to which their cars Must presently restore them. When they're done With dullards and distortions of this fistic Patience of the poor and put-upon. They've never seen such a make-do-ness as Newspaper rugs before! In this, this "flat," Their hostess is gathering up the oozed, the rich Rugs of the morning (tattered! the bespattered . . . ), Readies to spread clean rugs for afternoon. Here is a scene for you. The Ladies look, In horror, behind a substantial citizeness Whose trains clank out across her swollen heart. Who, arms akimbo, almost fills a door. All tumbling children, quilts dragged to the floor And tortured thereover, potato peelings, soft- Eyed kitten, hunched-up, haggard, to-be-hurt. Their League is allotting largesse to the Lost. But to put their clean, their pretty money, to put Their money collected from delicate rose-fingers Tipped with their hundred flawless rose-nails seems . . . They own Spode, Lowestoft, candelabra, Mantels, and hostess gowns, and sunburst clocks, Turtle soup, Chippendale, red satin "hangings," Aubussons and Hattie Carnegie. They Winter In Palm Beach; cross the Water in June; attend, When suitable, the nice Art Institute; Buy the right books in the best bindings; saunter On Michigan, Easter mornings, in sun or wind. Oh Squalor! This sick four-story hulk, this fibre With fissures everywhere! Why, what are bringings Of loathe-love largesse? What shall peril hungers So old old, what shall flatter the desolate? Tin can, blocked fire escape and chitterling And swaggering seeking youth and the puzzled wreckage Of the middle passage, and urine and stale shames And, again, the porridges of the underslung And children children children. Heavens! That Was a rat, surely, off there, in the shadows? Long And long-tailed? Gray? The Ladies from the Ladies' Betterment League agree it will be better To achieve the outer air that rights and steadies, To hie to a house that does not holler, to ring Bells elsetime, better presently to cater To no more Possibilities, to get Away. Perhaps the money can be posted. Perhaps they two may choose another Slum! Some serious sooty half-unhappy home!- Where loathe-lover likelier may be invested. Keeping their scented bodies in the center Of the hall as they walk down the hysterical hall, They allow their lovely skirts to graze no wall, Are off at what they manage of a canter, And, resuming all the clues of what they were, Try to avoid inhaling the laden air.

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arrive. The Ladies from the Ladies' Betterment League Arrive in the afternoon, the late light slanting In diluted gold bars across the boulevard brag Of proud, seamed faces with mercy and murder hinting Here, there, interrupting, all deep and debonair, The pink paint on the innocence of fear; Walk in a gingerly manner up the hall.

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Newsela | The bond between owners and dogs, as seen through their eyes

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Newsela | The bond between owners and dogs, as seen through their eyes

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Newsela | For a dog, a simple stare shows love just like play and petting

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Newsela | Life Sciences: Interdependence & Relationships

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Newsela | Life Sciences: Interdependence & Relationships

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Newsela | Life Sciences: Interdependence & Relationships

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Newsela is an Instructional Content Platform that supercharges reading engagement and learning in every subject.

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 When choosing your friends, can you overlook obvious physical or cultural differences when you share values, needs, or interests?

 If you discover that you do not have similar values or interests, is it possible to remain friends?

 Are you willing to compromise your values (or any part of your identity) in order to be part of a group?

 What “makes” or “breaks” a friendship for you?

 What kind of friend are you? What kind of friend would you like to be? What do you stand for?

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This playlist talk about frindship and your importance to our life, and bring to memories the best friends on your life.

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With A Little Help From My Friends | The Beatles Bible

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With A Little Help From My Friends | The Beatles Bible

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Written by: Lennon-McCartney
Recorded: 29, 30 March 1967
Producer: George Martin
Engineer: Geoff Emerick

Released: 1 June 1967 (UK), 2 June 1967 (US)

Ringo Starr: vocals, drums, tambourine
John Lennon: backing vocals, cowbell
Paul McCartney: backing vocals, piano, bass
George Harrison: lead guitar
George Martin: Hammond organ

Available on:
Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
Yellow Submarine Songtrack

Written collaboratively by Lennon and McCartney during the final stages of the Sgt Pepper project, With A Little Help From My Friends was sung by Ringo Starr.

Hunter Davies' authorised biography of The Beatles contains a passage recounting the genesis of the song. He observed Lennon and McCartney beginning with a chorus line and segment of melody.

That's Paul with a little help from me. 'What do you see when you turn out the light/I can't tell you but I know it's mine' is mine.

John Lennon
All We Are Saying, David Sheff

From there they played around with words, performed rock 'n' roll songs whenever they got stuck, and spent much time laughing, idly leafing through magazines or chatting about anything that took their fancy.

This was written out at John's house in Weybridge for Ringo; we always liked to do one for him and it had to be not too much like our style. I think that was probably the best of the songs we wrote for Ringo actually...

It was pretty much co-written, John and I doing a work song for Ringo, a little craft job. I always saw those as the equivalent of writing a James Bond film theme. It was a challenge, it was something out of the ordinary for us because we actually had to write in a key for Ringo and you had to be a little tongue in cheek. Ringo liked kids a lot, he was very good with kids so we knew Yellow Submarine would be a good thing for Ringo to sing. In this case, it was a slightly more mature song, which I always liked very much. I remember giggling with John as we wrote the lines 'What do you see when you turn out the light? I can't tell you but I know it's mine.' It could have been him playing with his willie under the covers, or it could have been taken on a deeper level; this was what it meant but it was a nice way to say it, a very non-specific way to say it. I always liked that.

Paul McCartney
Many Years From Now, Barry Miles

The song was initially recorded with the working title Bad Finger Boogie, after Lennon tried to play the melody on a piano having hurt his forefinger. Starr had misgivings about singing the final sustained high note in the song, and refused to sing a certain line.

The song With A Little Help From My Friends was written specifically for me, but they had one line that I wouldn't sing. It was 'What would you do if I sang out of tune? Would you stand up and throw tomatoes at me?' I said, 'There's not a chance in hell am I going to sing this line,' because we still had lots of really deep memories of the kids throwing jelly beans and toys on stage; and I thought that if we ever did get out there again, I was not going to be bombarded with tomatoes.

In the studio

From the start The Beatles knew that the song would be adjoined to Sgt Pepper's title track. From take one it included the "Billy Shears" introduction.

He was to be a character in this operetta, this whole thing that we were doing, so this gave him a good intro, wherever he came in the album; in fact it was the second track. It was a nice place for him, but wherever it came, it gave us an intro. Again, because it was the pot era, we had to slip in a little reference: 'I get high!'

Paul McCartney
Many Years From Now, Barry Miles

The Beatles recorded 10 takes of the song on 29 March 1967, with Paul on piano, John beating a cowbell, George playing lead guitar and Ringo on drums. Following the final take Ringo overdubbed his lead vocals.

The following day - on the morning of which they posed for the Sgt Pepper cover shoot - they added guitar, tambourine, bass and harmony vocals.

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Written by: Lennon-McCartney Recorded: 29, 30 March 1967 Producer: George Martin Engineer: Geoff Emerick Released: 1 June 1967 (UK), 2 June 1967 (US) Ringo Starr: vocals, drums, tambourine John Lennon: backing vocals, cowbell Paul McCartney: backing vocals, piano, bass George Harrison: lead guitar George Martin: Hammond organ Available on: Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band...

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I'll Be There For You - The Rembrandts - Google Play Music

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I'll Be There For You - The Rembrandts - Google Play Music

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Newsela | In school, popular kids get bullied just like the outcasts, study says

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Newsela | In school, popular kids get bullied just like the outcasts, study says

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Newsela is an Instructional Content Platform that supercharges reading engagement and learning in every subject.

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Newsela | Middle school's "cool kids" may stumble afterward

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Newsela | Middle school's "cool kids" may stumble afterward

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Newsela is an Instructional Content Platform that supercharges reading engagement and learning in every subject.

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Newsela | Transgender student seeks acceptance as she runs for homecoming queen

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Newsela | Transgender student seeks acceptance as she runs for homecoming queen

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Newsela is an Instructional Content Platform that supercharges reading engagement and learning in every subject.

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Student Opinion | How Should You Handle the End of a Friendship? - The New York Times

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Student Opinion | How Should You Handle the End of a Friendship? - The New York Times

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Sometimes, good friends simply "grow apart." Interests change, social circles shift, a family moves away-these are just a few reasons a friendship might fail apart. What is the best way to handle a friendship's end? What have you learned from your experiences or from witnessing other friends grow apart?
If you think adults don't go through the same thing, you'll be surprised by "It's Not Me, It's You." In this article, Alex Williams writes:

"The first step before you end a friendship is to consider, very carefully and seriously, if you want to end a particular friendship or if you just want to wind it down," said Jan Yager, a friendship coach and author of "When Friendship Hurts: How to Deal With Friends Who Betray, Abandon, or Wound You" (Simon & Schuster, 2002). "It will usually be a lot more pleasant to just pull away, and stop sharing as much privileged information."

The passive approach can work, sort of. Marni Zarr, 46, a substitute teacher in Mesa, Ariz., employed it when she decided that a friend she had picked up in parents' circles was starting to drag her down with her neediness and constant competitiveness. Ms. Zarr gave less of herself in conversations, stopped talking about her feelings, became vaguer about future aspirations.

"I took the route of distancing myself: not immediately answering texts," she recalled. "I answered the important things, but not the 'Hey, how are you doing, what's up tonight?' ones."

... Mr. Horchow, who at 83 has been carefully adding and dropping friends since Franklin Roosevelt was president, prefers the gentlemanly approach.

"At any age, dropping a friend is a delicate matter and should be handled kindly," he said. "You don't want to have to make a pronouncement that your friendship is declining or over; you don't want to have to say anything. If asked why you haven't seen each other for a while, be vague. 'I'm just so busy' or 'I'm traveling a lot.' "

... A trial separation can soften the blow.

"You might also want to suggest a cooling-off, or a revisiting your friendship in X number of weeks or months," said Dr. Yager, the friendship coach. "Your former friend will probably put more time and energy into the other friendships that are working and will forget about contacting you in time."

Such a direct approach ultimately may be effective, but it still engenders the same pain and awkwardness as an actual breakup, said Erika Johnson, a blogger who lives outside Boston. A couple of years ago, she found herself running a cost-benefit analysis of a friendship from her early 20s that was starting to grind her down.

Every new choice she made in her life - whether it was to return to graduate school or move to the suburbs - was greeted with dismissive scorn by the friend. Ms. Johnson decided to end the relationship with a telephone call.

"My main point was that life is very short and fleeting, and I value my happiness enough to eradicate the negative energy," Ms. Johnson recalled. For months, the ex-friend continued to try to contact her. Ms. Johnson felt terrible, especially as mutual friends would tell her about the pain she had caused the woman.

Eventually, however, the reports from the mutual friends started to change in tenor. The old friend had been doing a lot of soul-searching after the breakup, they said. The mutual pain might have been worth it, Ms. Johnson concluded - to the point where she might consider another attempt at friendship with her.

Students: Are you surprised by what you read above about adults who agonize over ending their friendships? Can you relate to their situations? What do you think of the advice given by Dr. Yager and Mr. Horchow? What have you learned about handling relationships with your friends from the adults in your life?

Students 13 and older are invited to comment below. Please use only your first name. For privacy policy reasons, we will not publish student comments that include a last name.

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How Should You Handle the End of a Friendship?

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Sometimes, good friends simply "grow apart." Interests change, social circles shift, a family moves away-these are just a few reasons a friendship might fail apart. What is the best way to handle a friendship's end? What have you learned from your experiences or from witnessing other friends grow apart?

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How Good a Friend Are You? - The New York Times

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How Good a Friend Are You? - The New York Times

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How do you help out your friends when they are in need? How good a friend are you?

In " How to Be a Friend in Deed," Bruce Feiler writes about being a friend in the age of social media.

A single mother of two teenage boys loses her job. Then she loses her car. Then her house. Then she can't pay her bills. When this happened to Michelle Bergeron a few years ago, it was a slow-motion spiral out of control.

Her boys took part-time jobs to help. Then, her friends outside Tampa, Fla. - some close, some not so close - began to step in. It started with small gestures: a bag of groceries, an invitation to dinner. Then it became more. After a friend learned that the water to Ms. Bergeron's house had been shut off, she drove to the city water department and paid the bill. Still another friend covered the subscription for an online game they played together.

"I don't think I was embarrassed so much as humbled," Ms. Bergeron told me. "These people loved me enough to do these things."

In the last few months, I've been surrounded by friends in need. I've seen friends be laid off, learn their spouses were leaving them, suffer devastating house fires, lose children in sudden ways. In each case, I struggled with what to do. I don't make casseroles; I'm not likely to run into these friends in our daily lives, and I'm not part of their inner circle. There's a host of digital solutions out there: send an email, comment on a Facebook post, donate to a charity.

But what if you want to do more? What if you don't want to succumb to the drive-by badges of contemporary friendship - a "like," an emoji, a hashtag (#JeSuisThinkingofYou). What if you don't believe all those platitudes: "Love ya! You'll get through it! Everything happens for a reason!"

What if you just want to be an old-fashioned friend to a friend in need? Have the rules somehow changed in our hurry-up lives?

Students: Read the entire article, then tell us ...

- How good a friend are you? Why?

- Have you ever helped out a friend in need? How did you help?

- Did you do something thoughtful, keep that person company, open up about your own vulnerabilities, or do any of the other suggestions mentioned in the article?

- Do you think social media provides genuine support for people in need? Or are you skeptical about the value of social media, as the author was?

- Have you ever fallen short as a friend? In what ways?

Students 13 and older are invited to comment below. Please use only your first name. For privacy policy reasons, we will not publish student comments that include a last name.

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How do you help out your friends when they are in need? How good a friend are you? In " How to Be a Friend in Deed," Bruce Feiler writes about being a friend in the age of social media. A single mother of two teenage boys loses her job.

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Look at the illustration above. What do you think those women are thinking about? Why did the artist draw their expressions as she did? What does their body language seem to be saying?

Would you want to know these people, if they were real? Do they remind you of people you know?

In the Opinion essay " Why Women Compete With Each Other," Emily V. Gordon writes:

Los Angeles - I HAD a tightly knit group of female friends in elementary school - we called ourselves the Sensational Six. As the dominant girl force in our little universe, we felt important and exclusive; a unit in matching handmade sweatshirts. Time went by and all of my classmates and I watched as puberty reached down to form us, shapeless little lumps of children, into young men and women, into haves and have-nots.

I had an early growth spurt and was a full head taller than the boys in my class, dwarfing the girls. This made me a have-not, and I made it my life's effort to shrink down and be like my friends, tiny and adorable. One day on the bus as I chatted with a fellow Sixer, I watched her examining our legs, propped up on the seat in front of us. "Look," she said, innocently enough, "your legs are, like, twice as big as mine." And she was right.

Women compete, compare, undermine and undercut one another - at least that is the prevailing notion of how we interact. It's considered exceptional, or at least noteworthy, that famous women like Amy Schumer and Beyoncé and Taylor Swift acknowledge that other women are talented, and frequently work with those other women without, in most cases, being catty about it. This makes them feminist heroes. Feeling on guard around other ladies is normal for a lot of women, and it's exhausting. I exhausted myself for years trying to understand how other girls could have gone from my closest allies to my scariest foes. I write an advice column and get a fair number of questions from women asking how to handle not trusting other women, so I know I'm not alone.

... That's the third theory of female competitiveness that I'd like to propose: We aren't competing with other women, ultimately, but with ourselves - with how we think of ourselves. For many of us, we look at other women and see, instead, a version of ourselves that is better, prettier, smarter, something more. We don't see the other woman at all.

It's a fun-house mirror that reflects an inaccurate version of who we are, but we turn on her anyway, because it's easier. But we don't need to lower the stock of other women, either for the future of the species or for our own psyches. When we each focus on being the dominant force in our own universe, rather than invading other universes, we all win.

Students: Read the entire essay, then tell us ...

- Do you have a "Sensational Six" in your life, your school or your community?

- If so, what has happened to the group over time? Has everyone stayed close? Have the relationships among its members gotten simpler, more complicated or stayed the same?

- Do you think that boys and girls are equally as competitive with their friends? Why or why not?

- What do you think of Ms. Gordon's idea that people don't really compete with each other but rather "with ourselves - with how we think of ourselves"? Can you think of any examples from your life or what you have witnessed that support or refute this idea?

- Ms. Gordon says that instead of putting other people down, we should "focus on being the dominant force in our own universe." What does that mean to you? Are you the dominant force in your own universe? Explain.

- What advice can you give younger girls-or boys-about dealing with issues and feelings raised in the essay?

Students 13 and older are invited to comment below. All comments are moderated by Learning Network staff, but please keep in mind that once your comment is accepted, it will be made public.

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Is Competitiveness an Obstacle to Making--or Keeping--Friendships?

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Look at the illustration above. What do you think those women are thinking about? Why did the artist draw their expressions as she did? What does their body language seem to be saying? Would you want to know these people, if they were real? Do they remind you of people you know?

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How Do You Feel About Introducing Friends from Different Parts of Your Life? - The New York Times

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How Do You Feel About Introducing Friends from Different Parts of Your Life? - The New York Times

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There are many ways to make new friends, including being introduced by a mutual friend.

Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever been the one introducing new friends? How else do you make new friends?

In the article " Striking a Friendship Match," Henry Alford writes about the joys and pains of watching your friends meet, get to know one another and then become close friends themselves:

When your friends hit it off with your friends, it can suffuse you with a warm, caramel glow that tells you, "All is right with the world." It's as if your talent for tracking down the excellent and the lasting in people is so fecund that two people in this talent's awesome path have suddenly been made pregnant. Group hug.

Alternatively, the experience can feel more like an unannounced cancer screening. Andrea Lavinthal, who wrote "Friend or Frenemy? A Guide to the Friends You Need and the Ones You Don't" with Jessica Rozler before becoming People magazine's beauty and style editor, said, "Most girls won't admit this, but they'd rather you hit on their significant other than their best friend."

... Intriguingly, even those instances in which one person actively midwives a relationship between two of her pals can be bittersweet. A few months ago, the comedian Aparna Nancherla was the booker for an evening of comedy at the Ars Nova theater in Hell's Kitchen.

"I tried to book people that I thought would like each other, and two of them hit it off really well, as I had predicted," Ms. Nancherla said. "I strangely felt proud and slightly resentful at the same time. I knew it would happen, but. A little while later, I saw one of them commenting on the other's post online, so I added a comment like, 'I feel responsible for this.' Which is a pretty passive-aggressive way of addressing it."

To some minds, the wind-scarred landscape of wounded friends and their sulking is more noisome than it need be. Ronald Sharp, a professor of English at Vassar, who edited "The Norton Book of Friendship" with Eudora Welty, said: "The anxiety about social poaching stems from an inappropriate or distorted view of what friendship is. It views friendship as a zero-sum game, or as an attempt to maximize your resources. It converts the natural generosity of friendship into a kind of investment. The new term 'friending,' from Facebook: The very notion that relationships can be described numerically is a curious one."

Professor Sharp added, "If you can't trust your friend to have a relationship with another person you consider a friend, it's a clear symptom of a problem in your friendships."

Students: Read the entire article, then tell us...

- To what degree do you identify with the views expressed in the article?

-Right now, do you have two friends who have never met each other? If so, do you think they would hit it off? Why or why not?

- Do you agree with Professor Sharp's idea that if you can't trust two of your friends to develop a friendship of their own, there is a problem in your relationship with those friends? Explain.

- Have you ever found a new friend through another friend? If so, and you became close with the new people, how was your original relationship affected?

- What advice would you give someone who is uncomfortable with a situation in which two of his or her friends are getting close? Why?

Students 13 and older are invited to comment below. Please use only your first name. For privacy policy reasons, we will not publish student comments that include a last name.

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How Do You Feel About Introducing Friends from Different Parts of Your Life?

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There are many ways to make new friends, including being introduced by a mutual friend. Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever been the one introducing new friends? How else do you make new friends?

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The Hare With Many Friends - Fables of Aesop

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The Hare With Many Friends - Fables of Aesop

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A Hare had many good weather friends. When trouble was near they all refused to help the Hare who only barely managed to escape on his own.
He that has many friends, has no friends.
Eliot/Jacobs Version
A Hare was very popular with the other beasts who all claimed to be her friends. But one day she heard the hounds approaching and hoped to escape them by the aid of her many Friends. So, she went to the horse, and asked him to carry her away from the hounds on his back. But he declined, stating that he had important work to do for his master. "He felt sure," he said, "that all her other friends would come to her assistance." She then applied to the bull, and hoped that he would repel the hounds with his horns. The bull replied: "I am very sorry, but I have an appointment with a lady; but I feel sure that our friend the goat will do what you want." The goat, however, feared that his back might do her some harm if he took her upon it. The ram, he felt sure, was the proper friend to apply to. So she went to the ram and told him the case. The ram replied: "Another time, my dear friend. I do not like to interfere on the present occasion, as hounds have been known to eat sheep as well as hares." The Hare then applied, as a last hope, to the calf, who regretted that he was unable to help her, as he did not like to take the responsibility upon himself, as so many older persons than himself had declined the task. By this time the hounds were quite near, and the Hare took to her heels and luckily escaped.
JBR Collection
Friendship, like love, is but a name,
Unless to one you stint the flame;
The child whom many fathers share
Hath seldom known a father's care.
'Tis thus in friendships; who depend
On many, rarely find a friend.
A Hare, who in a civil way
Complied with everything, like Gay,
Was known by all the bestial train
Who haunt the wood and graze the plain;
Her care was never to offend,
And every creature was her friend.
As forth she went at early dawn,
To taste the dew-besprinkled lawn,
Behind she hears the hunter's cries,
And from the deep-mouthed thunder flies.
She starts, she stops, she pants for breath;
She hears the near advance of death;
She doubles to mislead the hound,
And measures back her mazy round,
Till, fainting in the public way,
Half dead with fear she gasping lay.
What transport in her bosom grew,
When first the Horse appeared in view!
"Let me," says she, "your back ascend,
And owe my safety to a friend.
You know my feet betray my flight;
To friendship every burden's light."
The Horse replied, "Poor honest Puss,
It grieves my heart to sec you thus;
Be comforted, relief is near,
For all your friends are in the rear."
She next the stately Bull implored;
And thus replied the mighty lord:
"Since every beast alive can tell
That I sincerely wish you well,
I may without offence pretend
To take the freedom of a friend.
Love calls me hence; a fav'rite cow
Expects me near the barley-mow,
And when a lady's in the case
You know all other things give place.
To leave you thus might seem unkind;
But see, the Goat is just behind."
The Goat remarked her pulse was high,
Her languid head, her heavy eye.
"My back," says he, "may do you harm;
The Sheep's at hand, and wool is warm."
The Sheep was feeble, and complained
His sides a load of wool sustained:
Said he was slow, confessed his fears;
For hounds cat sheep as well as hares.
She now the trotting Calf addressed,
To save from death a friend distressed.
"Shall I," says he, "of tender age,
In this important care engage?
Older and abler passed you by-
How strong are those; how weak am I!
Should I presume to bear you hence,
Those friends of mine may take offence.
Excuse me, then; you know my heart,
But dearest friends, alas I must part.
How shall we all lament! Adieu!
For see, the hounds are just in view."

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The Hare With Many Friends - Fables of Aesop

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A Hare had many good weather friends. When trouble was near they all refused to help the Hare who only barely managed to escape on his own. He that has many friends, has no friends. Eliot/Jacobs Version A Hare was very popular with the other beasts who all claimed to be her friends.

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The Rembrandts- I'll be there for you (official video) - YouTube

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The Rembrandts- I'll be there for you (official video) - YouTube

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The Rembrandts- I'll be there for you (official video)

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Newsela | Hardcover yearbooks remain popular among today's tech-savvy students

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Newsela | Hardcover yearbooks remain popular among today's tech-savvy students

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Newsela | They tweet and text, but students still prefer paging through yearbooks

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Traditional yearbooks in the digital age

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Newsela | Teens at global robotics competition work together, form unlikely alliances

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International teams at teen robotics competition formed some unlikely alliances and friendships.

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6 Q's About the News | Learning from Animal Friendships - The New York Times

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6 Q's About the News | Learning from Animal Friendships - The New York Times

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WHY do some scientists say that cross-species relationships might deserve more systematic study?

WHAT kinds of interspecies relationships have scientists studied in the past?

WHY is Clive Wynne, a professor of psychology at Arizona State University, unenthusiastic about studying the kinds of cross-species interactions portrayed in many of the videos cited in the article?

WHY does Barbara Smuts, a primate researcher at the University of Michigan, say the bonds formed in captivity or other domesticated settings are still fertile ground for investigation?

WHO is Barbara J. King?

WHAT criteria for cross-species interactions does she suggest for a relationship to be worthy of possible further research?

WHERE do animal trainers pair cheetahs with dogs at an early age?

HOW do those pairings affect the young cheetahs?

WHY are the videos of interspecies interactions so popular with humans, according to some of the scientists quoted in the article?
For Higher-Order Thinking
Have you watched any of these videos of interspecies relationships? Have you ever witnessed a cross-species interaction? WHAT do you think these relationships show?

Do you think they are worthy of scientific study, or are they just cute to watch? WHY?

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6 Q's About the News | Learning from Animal Friendships

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WHY do some scientists say that cross-species relationships might deserve more systematic study? WHAT kinds of interspecies relationships have scientists studied in the past? WHY is Clive Wynne, a professor of psychology at Arizona State University, unenthusiastic about studying the kinds of cross-species interactions portrayed in many of the videos cited in the article?

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We Real Cool by Gwendolyn Brooks. We Real Cool Learning Guide by PhD students from Stanford, Harvard, Berkeley

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News about Social Media. Commentary and archival information about Social Media from The New York Times.

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A Lion lay asleep in the forest, his great head resting on his paws. A timid little Mouse came upon him unexpectedly, and in her fright and haste to get away, ran across the Lion's nose. Roused from his nap, the Lion laid his huge paw angrily on the tiny creature to kill her.

"Spare me!" begged the poor Mouse. "Please let me go and some day I will surely repay you."

The Lion was much amused to think that a Mouse could ever help him. But he was generous and finally let the Mouse go.

Some days later, while stalking his prey in the forest, the Lion was caught in the toils of a hunter's net. Unable to free himself, he filled the forest with his angry roaring. The Mouse knew the voice and quickly found the Lion struggling in the net. Running to one of the great ropes that bound him, she gnawed it until it parted, and soon the Lion was free.

"You laughed when I said I would repay you," said the Mouse. "Now you see that even a Mouse can help a Lion."

A kindness is never wasted.

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A Lion lay asleep in the forest, his great head resting on his paws. A timid little Mouse came upon him unexpectedly, and in her fright and haste to get away, ran across the Lion's nose. Roused from his nap, the Lion laid his huge paw angrily on the tiny creature to kill her.

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Do You Find It Easier to Make New Friends Online or In Person? - The New York Times

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Do You Find It Easier to Make New Friends Online or In Person? - The New York Times

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According to the Pew Research Center, 57 percent of American teenagers age 13 to 17 say they have made a friend online - say while browsing social networks like Instagram or playing a game like Call of Duty. Have you made good friends online?

Meanwhile, in a recent Education Life piece, one researcher suggests that young people have unique chances to make new friends at times like the start of a new school year when many people are entering a new environment.

How do you tend to make friends, whether in "real life" or online?

In " Making Friends in New Places," Nicholas A. Christakis writes:

Freshman year is critical, but not for the reasons most students (and their parents) imagine. American students have the luxury of a long horizon to settle on good classes, select a major and chart a career; there's plenty of time to make academic mistakes and recover from them. But it's important to set off on the right foot in one respect: making friends.

At the start of freshman year, there's a window of opportunity, when customary rules about social interactions are suspended, and when it seems perfectly normal for someone to sit down next to you at lunch or in class and strike up a conversation.

Social inhibitions tend to dissolve when a group of strangers enters a new environment. Think of adults on a cruise, teenagers at a summer camp, or Chaucer's garrulous pilgrims, chatting and revealing volumes about themselves. The bond is all the more guaranteed when facing a shared hardship - say, the boredom of freshman orientation sessions or the stress of placement exams.

But after that critical window, a curtain begins to fall on the welcoming social scene. In my experience, which includes serving as master of a residential college at both Yale and Harvard, this tends to occur about three weeks in. Attitudes begin to solidify. Friendships become fixed. And behaviors that initially seemed open and generous might come to feel forced, or even a little creepy.

It turns out that we are hard-wired to seek and make friends in novel, stressful circumstances. Students naturally assemble themselves into elaborate social networks - and not just Snapchat, Tumblr, Facebook or Twitter. Our modern technology is merely put into the service of more ancient and powerful impulses.

In fact, studies that my colleagues and I have conducted of face-to-face social networks of college students and of the Hadza hunter-gatherers of Tanzania reveal that, in fundamental ways, they are not very different. Whether in a college dormitory or on the African savanna, living as they might have 10,000 years ago, people form the same sort of network - one or two best friends, in a group of five to six close friends, within a still broader group of 150 people.

And the intricate structure of these friendship webs is similar too. The networks we form obey certain mathematical and sociological rules, and they have profound influence on our lives.

Students: Read the entire article, then tell us ...

- How do you tend to make friends? Are the friends you have now mostly newer friends, or are they the same people you've been close to for a long time? Do you like meeting new people, either in person or online?

- Do you have online friends you've never met in real life? Have you made online friends then met them in person later? How would you compare your online friendships with your "real life" friendships? Is one group more meaningful to you than the other?

- Have you ever been in a situation like freshman year at a new school where, as the article describes, "there's a window of opportunity, when customary rules about social interactions are suspended, and when it seems perfectly normal for someone to sit down next to you at lunch or in class and strike up a conversation"? Did you make new friends this way?

- Does your web of friends resemble what this researcher describes as typical- "one or two best friends, in a group of five to six close friends, within a still broader group of 150 people"? Do those feel like the right numbers to you? Why or why not?

Students 13 and older are invited to comment below. All comments are moderated by Learning Network staff, but please keep in mind that once your comment is accepted, it will be made public.

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Do You Find It Easier to Make New Friends Online or In Person?

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According to the Pew Research Center, 57 percent of American teenagers age 13 to 17 say they have made a friend online - say while browsing social networks like Instagram or playing a game like Call of Duty. Have you made good friends online?

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Student Crossword | Social Media - The New York Times

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Student Crossword | Social Media - The New York Times

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Play our crossword, online or in print, to learn more about social media and how it is changing the way we communicate.