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Credit... Csilla Klenyánszki

The Primal Scream

Is anyone listening to them?

Credit... Csilla Klenyánszki

This article is part of "The Primal Scream," a series that examines the pandemic's effect on working mothers in America.

In early September, as the school year inched closer, a group of mothers in New Jersey decided they would gather in a park, at a safe social distance, and scream their lungs out. For months, as the pandemic disrupted work and home life, these moms, like so many parents, had been stretched thin - acting as caregivers, teachers and earners at once. They were breaking.

As are mothers all over the United States.

By now, you have read the headlines, repeating like a depressing drum beat:

" Working moms are not okay." " Pandemic Triples Anxiety And Depression Symptoms In New Mothers." " Working Moms Are Reaching The Breaking Point."

You can also see the problem in numbers: Almost 1 million mothers have left the workforce - with Black mothers, Hispanic mothers and single mothers among the hardest hit. Almost one in four children experienced food insecurity in 2020, which is intimately related to the loss of maternal income. And more than three quarters of parents with children ages 8 to 12 say the uncertainty around the current school year is causing them stress.

Despite these alarm bells clanging, signaling a financial and emotional disaster among America's mothers, who are doing most of the increased amount of child care and domestic work during this pandemic, the cultural and policy response enacted at this point has been nearly nonexistent.

The pandemic has touched every group of Americans, and millions are suffering, hungry and grieving. But many mothers in particular get no space or time to recover.

The impact is not just about mothers' fate as workers, though the economic fallout of these pandemic years might have lifelong consequences. The pandemic is also a mental health crisis for mothers that fervently needs to be addressed, or at the very least acknowledged.

"Just before the pandemic hit, for the first time ever, for a couple months, we had more women employed than men," said Michael Madowitz, an economist at the Center for American Progress. "And now we are back to late 1980s levels of women in the labor force." The long-term ramifications for mothers leaving work entirely or cutting back on work during this time include: a broken pipeline for higher-level jobs and a loss of Social Security and other potential retirement income.

"Covid took a crowbar into gender gaps and pried them open," said Betsey Stevenson, an economist at the University of Michigan. Her long-term concerns are even more fundamental: Will watching a generation of mothers go through this difficult time with little support turn the next generation of women off from parenthood altogether?

The economic disaster of the pandemic is directly related to maternal stress levels, and by extension, the stress levels of American children. Philip Fisher, a professor of psychology at the University of Oregon who runs an ongoing nationally representative survey on the impact of the pandemic on families with young children, points out that the stressors on mothers are magnified by a number of intersecting issues, including poverty, race, having special needs children and being a single parent.

"People are having a hard time making ends meet, that's making parents stressed out, and that's causing kids to be stressed out," Dr. Fisher said. This buildup can lead to toxic stress, "And we know from all the science, that level of stress has a lasting impact on brain development, learning and physical health." Almost 70 percent of mothers say that worry and stress from the pandemic have damaged their health.

The statistics on stress levels are shocking, but they are sterile; they don't begin to expose the frayed lives of American mothers and their children during this pandemic. A young mother who self-identified as American Indian/ Alaska Native summed up her situation in response to Dr. Fisher's survey: "We are requesting government help for food. Relationship between partner and I are tense. I am personally struggling more now with depression and anxiety. My toddler has become more anxious as well and shown aggressive behavior. She seems overwhelmed most of the time."

Times editor-at-large Jessica Bennett spent months communicating with three women, who kept detailed diaries of their days, for a look at just how much American mothers are doing every waking second.

"With everything going on, I just don't have time to take care of my mental health right now. I have to keep it together for everyone else," said Dekeda Brown, 41, one of the three mothers featured in Ms. Bennett's piece. "I feel like a ticking time bomb that is constantly being pushed to the breaking point, but then I am able to defuse myself. Goodness, this is taxing."

We wanted to give mothers across the country the opportunity to scream it out like the moms in New Jersey, so we set up a phone line. Hundreds responded with shouts, cries, guttural yells, and lots and lots of expletives. "I don't know how to feel sane again. I'm just stuck in this position for God knows how much longer," said Elise Kelner, 30, a mother of two kids under 4, when she called in from Gilbert, Ariz.

We hope this series serves as a primal scream for America's mothers, a visual representation of their struggles. We're showing all the messy, heartbreaking moments of everyday fear and chaos, and the rays of joy that can sometimes shine through. If nothing else, we want moms to know that someone is listening.

Jessica Grose is the parenting columnist for The Times. She is the author of the forthcoming book "All Powerful and Totally Useless: The Creation of the Ideal American Mother."

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The Primal Scream Is anyone listening to them? Credit... Csilla Klenyánszki This article is part of "The Primal Scream," a series that examines the pandemic's effect on working mothers in America. In early September, as the school year inched closer, a group of mothers in New Jersey decided they would gather in a park, at a safe social distance, and scream their lungs out.

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Podcast on this book: Eugene Bullard: World's First Black Fighter Pilot

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Podcast on this book: Eugene Bullard: World's First Black Fighter Pilot

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Walks alone and with my partner to help me process tough situations and clear my mind so I am more present

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Walks alone and with my partner to help me process tough situations and clear my mind so I am more present

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Diversity makes the world a beautiful place. Immerse yourself in the #wisdom of teachers spanning different cultures and backgrounds, and experience the #boundless and #unifying #power of #meditation.

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I have had several meetings lately were students say "hi" and than just start crying because of events that have happened - they love the listening ear and have self-revealed many life event

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I have had several meetings lately were students say "hi" and than just start crying because of events that have happened - they love the listening ear and have self-revealed many life event

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watching my son's identity development

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Listening to activists and leaders of movements speak about their work, recent examples: BLM & Red4Ed.

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Listening to activists and leaders of movements speak about their work, recent examples: BLM & Red4Ed.

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Lots of reading on equity and grades

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Contents

Introduction: Why Ungrade? Why Grade?
Susan D. Blum

Part I: Foundations and Models

1. How to Ungrade
Jesse Stommel

2. What Going Gradeless Taught Me about Doing the "Actual Work"
Aaron Blackwelder

3. Just One Change (Just Kidding): Ungrading and Its Necessary Accompaniments
Susan D. Blum

4. Shifting the Grading Mindset
Starr Sackstein

5. Grades Stifle Student Learning. Can We Learn to Teach without Grades?
Arthur Chiaravalli

Part II: Practices

6. Let's Talk about Grading
Laura Gibbs

7. Contract Grading and Peer Review
Christina Katopodis and Cathy N. Davidson

8. Critique-Driven Learning and Assessment
Christopher Riesbeck

9. A STEM Ungrading Case Study: A Reflection on First-Time Implementation in Organic Chemistry II
Clarissa Sorensen-Unruh

10. The Point-less Classroom: A Math Teacher's Ironic Choice in Not Calculating Grades
Gary Chu

Part III: Reflections

11. Grade Anarchy in the Philosophy Classroom
Marcus Schultz-Bergin

12. Conference Musings and The G Word
Joy Kirr

13. Wile E. Coyote, the Hero of Ungrading
John Warner

Conclusion: Not Simple but Essential
Susan D. Blum

Acknowledgments
Contributors
Index

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Ungrading: Why Rating Students Undermines Learning (and What to Do Instead)

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Ungrading Edited by Susan D. Blum With a foreword by Alfie Kohn

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I'm trying to be kind to myself.

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I just finished the podcast Nice White Parents.  

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I just finished the podcast Nice White Parents.  

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this one is hard - it is easier to help others 

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this one is hard - it is easier to help others 

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I do Internal Family Systems therapy and my therapist always talks about this video "The Path" 

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I do Internal Family Systems therapy and my therapist always talks about this video "The Path" 

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The Path Meditation - Dick Schwartz. Featuring Ted's Garden

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Seek out connection. Try to hear/listen to those that I think will offer me their insights. 

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Seek out connection. Try to hear/listen to those that I think will offer me their insights. 

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Share my experience with someone I trust and can give me honest feedback and support.

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Share my experience with someone I trust and can give me honest feedback and support.

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I am guilty of not reading any literature on the topic. I would really like to!

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I am guilty of not reading any literature on the topic. I would really like to!

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Silence (I think it's a stalling tactic) and having to continually have the same conversations over and over and over again. 

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Silence (I think it's a stalling tactic) and having to continually have the same conversations over and over and over again. 

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Lack of alignment between action and verbiage.

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Lack of alignment between action and verbiage.

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Colleagues and friends I can speak to about my discomfort with discriminatory practices and lack of multiculturalism in in the college.

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Colleagues and friends I can speak to about my discomfort with discriminatory practices and lack of multiculturalism in in the college.

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Radical Self-Love for Everybody and Every Body

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I have a circle of friends who i can be completely honest and vulnerable with. They allow me to vent, but also challenge me to see different perspectives. 

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I have a circle of friends who i can be completely honest and vulnerable with. They allow me to vent, but also challenge me to see different perspectives. 

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I have had to speak in specific moments to only my direct superior about my feelings. Maybe I am not doing enough personally specifically in my job. In my personal life, probably not much other than being outspoken and proud.

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I have had to speak in specific moments to only my direct superior about my feelings. Maybe I am not doing enough personally specifically in my job. In my personal life, probably not much other than being outspoken and proud.

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The other challenge was the group marching because they were yelling at all of the officers (I mean there were at least 10 officers). I gathered the leaders and discussed how to express their frustration and explained that I was only telling them this as a mother..... I do not know all of the challenges and struggles they have

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The white supremacist and patriarchal machinery of the college and university. 

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The white supremacist and patriarchal machinery of the college and university. 

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I was able to learn about how the process has gone to date and what the actual roadblocks are. 

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I was able to learn about how the process has gone to date and what the actual roadblocks are. 

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Simply ignorance and oblivious passive thoughts that did not consider other cultures in architecture/history/design.

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Simply ignorance and oblivious passive thoughts that did not consider other cultures in architecture/history/design.

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A small victory was that a student was given an incomplete for a course rather than failing.

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A small victory was that a student was given an incomplete for a course rather than failing.

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Funds of Knowledge Work
Abolitionist Teaching Network

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I approached leadership with concerns that the redesign does not have enough emphasis on equity, diversity and bias.

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I approached leadership with concerns that the redesign does not have enough emphasis on equity, diversity and bias.

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The thought that young black girls and other students won't have the honor of having her as a teacher. I feel like I lost a future colleague who is committed to showing young students what is possible. It enrages me. 

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The thought that young black girls and other students won't have the honor of having her as a teacher. I feel like I lost a future colleague who is committed to showing young students what is possible. It enrages me. 

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My commentary on architecture was well received although it did not change the final project proposal. I did make a significant mention that later expanded the profile of what the project would be.

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My commentary on architecture was well received although it did not change the final project proposal. I did make a significant mention that later expanded the profile of what the project would be.

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The student was grateful for the opportunity to have her voice and story heard, despite how painful reliving that trauma was.

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The student was grateful for the opportunity to have her voice and story heard, despite how painful reliving that trauma was.

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Systemic issues within MLFTC and not getting her the support soon enough to finish her certificate.

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Systemic issues within MLFTC and not getting her the support soon enough to finish her certificate.

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The student felt very connected and supported. I was able to encourage her to articulate and write out her story which was quite healing for her.

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The student felt very connected and supported. I was able to encourage her to articulate and write out her story which was quite healing for her.

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My success was talking the the police chief and explaining how racist it looked for his officers to immediately believe the WM and question the young, black marchers.  I spoke to several of the officers and explained how their actions did not support the community.  Many of the apologized the me, my husband and the young girl I rescued from the situation.  

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My success was talking the the police chief and explaining how racist it looked for his officers to immediately believe the WM and question the young, black marchers.  I spoke to several of the officers and explained how their actions did not support the community.  Many of the apologized the me, my husband and the young girl I rescued from the situation.  

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A student recently experience a racially-charged and very traumatic event. I was asked to connect with her and provide a listening ear to process to event and hopefully(!) spur action. 

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A student recently experience a racially-charged and very traumatic event. I was asked to connect with her and provide a listening ear to process to event and hopefully(!) spur action. 

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Planning an outline for a specific proposal project with a focus on architecture, based in AZ. None of the references mentioned any indigenous or Mexican influenced edifices. I spoke up that all the examples for content were Western white architecture/designers. What about the people from Arizona?

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Planning an outline for a specific proposal project with a focus on architecture, based in AZ. None of the references mentioned any indigenous or Mexican influenced edifices. I spoke up that all the examples for content were Western white architecture/designers. What about the people from Arizona?

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Filed an OCR complaint against a white male instructor for racism & sexism. The guy still has his job. Thinking about what to do next. 

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Filed an OCR complaint against a white male instructor for racism & sexism. The guy still has his job. Thinking about what to do next. 

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Yes I met with a student who had experienced racial discrimination. I heard her story which was heart wrenching and really impacted me on a personal level

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Yes I met with a student who had experienced racial discrimination. I heard her story which was heart wrenching and really impacted me on a personal level

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Advocating for a black student in a meeting with primarily white participants who questioned her decisions

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yes - it happened in Flagstaff at a BLM rally.  An instance - happened where a white male threatened to kill a young black female.  I witnessed this and helped her away from the situation and went for the police.  The WM also got the police to tell them - he was threatened.  The police were laughing with the WM.  I needed to get in the middle and eventually the WM was arrested after they found a knife and two ploaded guns.  

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yes - it happened in Flagstaff at a BLM rally.  An instance - happened where a white male threatened to kill a young black female.  I witnessed this and helped her away from the situation and went for the police.  The WM also got the police to tell them - he was threatened.  The police were laughing with the WM.  I needed to get in the middle and eventually the WM was arrested after they found a knife and two ploaded guns.  