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From what I've managed to share, you can take away the fact that i'm a romantic. A hopeful, or a hopeless romantic i'm not entirely sure yet. I have mixed feelings towards things like family and friends. I often find myself struggling to maintain consistent social relationships, if they're not romantic. I'm an introvert for sure, I've been told repeatedly by friends, family, and significant others that i'm too closed off and secretive of an individual. I also consider myself a pessimist. I can't call myself a nihilist because I do make efforts to keep going with my life, I believe that somehow we're here for a reason. I like maintaining some form of control over aspects of my life. I've always had an issue with authority, especially figures of authority that are male. I feel like I subconsciously put my feelings of fear of men towards intimidation and stand-offness in efforts to hide my actual feelings. The concept of love and relationships has also always been very present in my life, but in a very complicated and grey manner. Things have never been black or white in my world, every relationship I've encountered or observed from close friends or family members has been complicated and grey. I try to invest myself completely into other people in efforts to bury my problems and pretend that they don't exist because I've met, "The One". I also feel like i'm hardly a person, considering the fact that I've been emotionally invested in people since I was about 12. I don't remember the last time I was "single"; I actually cannot function as an emotionally independent person. Someone always has to be there, cooing and taking care of my problems. And I hate it. There are other aspects of my personality I promise, but this part of my life has just taken up so much of my time and energy I feel consumed by it. My love life is like a parasite, ha-ha.

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they say that hell is crowded, yet,
when you’re in hell,
you always seem to be alone.
& you can’t tell anyone when you’re in hell
or they’ll think you’re crazy
& being crazy is being in hell
& being sane is hellish too.

those who escape hell, however,
never talk about it
& nothing much bothers them after that.
I mean, things like missing a meal,
going to jail, wrecking your car,
or even the idea of death itself.

when you ask them,
“how are things?”
they’ll always answer, “fine, just fine…”

once you’ve been to hell and back,
that’s enough
it’s the greatest satisfaction known to man.

once you’ve been to hell and back,
you don’t look behind you when the floor creaks
and the sun is always up at midnight
and things like the eyes of mice
or an abandoned tire in a vacant lot
can make you smile
once you’ve been to hell and back.

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This scene is from the movie Closer, by Mike Nichols. This movie deals with four people falling in and out of love with each other. Towards the end of the film, the initial couples are back together. One couple succeddes at reconciling and another fails. This movie has helped mold my world view by helping me see that things aren't in black and white. I'm not saying cheating and coming back to someone is healthy, not at all; but I do understand that circumstances can sometimes break and exhaust a person emotionally. Also I think of this film when I find myself suddenly no longer feeling for someone, even if they feel for me.

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I like this song because when I first heard it I was maybe 8 or 9, and I was sitting at a red light with my mom. Without looking over to me my mom said, "When this song can apply to you, you know it's actual love. Not that fake stuff people take for love." As a young woman, I take the concept of love and caring for another very seriously, as it has taken a large role in my life since a very young age. I think idea love is about willing to take care of and support your significant other. My idea relationship would be equally supporting and caring for one another. Although, I do find myself giving more than I ever receive, which has to deal with self worth, so that's my problem to fix. This helped shape my world-view by helping form my perspective on love and relationships starting at a very young age.

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I choose the Glass Castle because it's made a standing impact in my life since I've first read it. I've always loved memoirs because they offer a look into other people's lives, which I find comforting, because not a lot of people offer that much of a revealing perspective to the public. I like the Glass castle because Jeanette Walls shows us the difficult childhood she endured and the relationship with her alcoholic father. I enjoy this novel because it showed me that a lot of people had hard childhoods, and a lot of people have parents they once loved dearly and the find themselves looking at them differently as they grow older.  Also, the constant poverty and moving from city to city, cramming into a small car with no money to one's name brought back nostalgia. Walls' parents were also extremely abusive towards one another, the father emotionally abused and manipulated his wife in efforts to keep her with him and the family. Unfortunately I've been in a similar situation, which has led to my idea of complete devotion and unquestioning loyalty to be an idea state of my relationships.  Ultimately, this novel has helped form my world-view by allowing me to identify with struggle and not be ashamed of my childhood or family life. Poverty isn't uncommon, and dysfunctional families aren't either.