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In case you haven't heard about "intuitive eating" I want to introduce you by directing you to the website www.intuitiveeating.com. Here you will find the 10 principles of intuitive eating outlined in the book "Intuitive Eating" by Evelyn Tribole, MS, RD and Elyse Resch, MS, RD, FADA. These principles have become important components of the Eat for Life class taught at the University of Missouri. These principles, paired with the wisdom of mindfulness training and other wisdoms from academic science, re-teach a way of being at peace with our bodies and delight in the pleasures that can be found when exploring the world of food. Become a part of the Intuitive Eating Movement by familiarizing yourself with these principles and then reading the article by Karen Koenig (below). While you might not be a researcher or educator, everyone can play a part in stopping the madness propagated by our culture of dieting, bodily discontent, and the prevailing belief in a quick fix. I won't pretend it's always easy, but the overall quality of our lives can tremendously improve by daily choices to live a more mindful and intuitive life. Like the title of this blog, "It's more than just about food."
The Future of the Intuitive Eating Movement
By Karen R. Koenig, LCSW, M.Ed

As a recovering chronic dieter, binge-eater, therapist, educator and author, I've been part of the movement toward saner/intuitive/"normal" eating for over 30 years, and wonder what would have happened if I hadn't stumbled upon Susie Orbach's Fat is a Feminist Issue. Back in the late 70s when the non-diet movement began as a ripple, it's easy to see how it could have passed people by. To this day, I have no idea how I lucked onto Orbach's book, but I'm eternally grateful that I did!

Now, along with other professionals and former food abusers on a mission to teach the world to eat more sanely, I'm heartened that that 70's ripple has become a steady stream of information and insight flowing out to the public. I'm also saddened that it's not yet a wave, the kind that crashed through barriers to bring about major change for women, blacks, physically challenged, and GLBT folks. All too frequently, I'm taken aback that most people- most people -have no idea that there's a way to find a comfortable weight without dieting and deprivation and are clueless that diets have an abysmally low success rate long-term. They remain ignorant of the fact that genetics, temperament, biochemistry and neuropsychology have as much to do with eating and weight as do proper nutrition and exercise.

What brings me hope is the new crop of authors and educators who are out there beating the drum for saner eating. This article is for those newcomers and for us old-timers to reflect on what could and should be done to channel our collective energies in order to constantly feed the wave needed by the intuitive eating movement to reshape society's relationship with food. I hope my words spark creative thinking, re-energize flagging spirits, mobilize those of you who think you're swimming alone against the tide, and add fuel to the fires already burning within your hearts to bring sanity to the dinner table. However, before launching my analysis, I have to face one of the movement's major hurdles: what name it should go by. Rather than use different terms-intuitive, normal, regulated, healthy, or functional-I'll stick with intuitive, with the understanding that this movement would embrace the varied nuances described in all of these words.
Obstacles Facing the Intuitive Eating Movement
A major barrier to intuitive eating becoming mainstream is the diet industry which spends billions annually to hawk its wares, with some 17,000 diet methods and plans, diet clubs and weight loss programs raking in about 8 billion annually, and "lite" products taking in some 14 billion each year. Many of us know these statistics by heart and are sickened by them. Big-name authors write diet books because they know they're seducing a captive audience and large publishing houses push these books because, in this tight economy, quick-fixes, easy promises, and celebrity names may be the only avenues to turn a profit in the eating and weight arena.

Consumed not only by a quick-fix mentality, we are also entrenched in a can-do culture that is insistent about finding rapid-fire solutions for whatever ails us. Although this is not necessarily an ineffective approach to problem-solving when wedded to long-term remedies, "fix-it-now" thinking does not facilitate realistic treatment for complicated, multi-faceted issues such as eating and weight. A related mindset is all-or-nothing thinking (exactly what we're trying to get disregulated eaters to discard), as in something is either broken or it's fixed. American culture has little understanding of or respect for the change process and for concepts such as gradual, incremental, and progressive.
The profit-driven food industry:
The food industry makes big bucks marketing and selling processed, unhealthy, and fast foods, not to mention lite and diet consumables. Read THE END OF OVEREATING: TAKING CONTROL OF THE INSATIABLE AMERICAN APPETITE by David A. Kessler, MD, or other critiques of the industry, and your stomach will turn at just how determined they are to feed us junk in order to line their pockets. Add to the fact that they've gotten us hooked on sugar, salt and fat, and that the monkey on our backs is two quarter pounders with cheese, fries and a large Coke, and it's clear what we're up against.

Compared to today, when the non-diet movement began in the late 70s, Americans were eating relatively healthy, home-cooked, unprocessed meals. Now the prevailing mentality is that food should be fast and easy, while nutritious sits farther down on our value scale. Such insidious mindlessness about what we're taking into our bodies has been spreading for decades and has only recently been seriously challenged. The problem is the need for a sharp one-eighty: stopping the proliferation of mindlessness and inciting a turn-around toward mindfulness around food-and in everything else we do.
The diet-oriented medical community:
Whereas doctors and others in the medical community should be our natural allies in mobilizing Americans to eat more intuitively (in order to help them eat more healthily long-term), most health care professionals seem caught up in the diet frenzy. By bombarding patients with nutritional information, lecturing about the importance of weight loss, and encouraging surgical procedures to reduce obesity, they don't appear to recognize that this approach is failing. To be fair, trying to help people eat more sanely and get fit is probably not why most doctors go to medical school. Yet, unless researchers, mental health counselors, dieticians, and other professionals working in the field of eating disorders are on board with intuitive eating, they're more foe than friend and a missing link in an intuitive eating movement.

My guess is that socialist and communist nations probably have as much difficulty teaching their citizens to eat appropriately as do capitalist societies. Yet, because our economic system is profit-driven, we have scant economic incentive to do what's best for people as a whole. Our politics and policies are not oriented toward finding a solution, then seeing if it will make money. Rather, programs and products are developed to score profits, then marketed in such a way to convince us that they'll help us. Simply put, profit and progress don't necessarily play well together.
Difficulty of changing behavior:
Our culture, in fact, most cultures, are not adept at changing entrenched behaviors. Human nature being what it is-both rational and irrational-we can't expect to address problems merely on a physical level, mandating the public to eat this and not that. My greatest lament is how little (if any!) psychology is used in educating people to take better care of themselves around food. Until we address the conflicting and, more often than not, contradictory emotions and motivations folks have about eating intuitively, getting healthy, and maintaining a comfortable weight for life, we are not going to see much change in mainstream thinking or behavior around food.
Lack of connection and a cohesive message:
I have no doubt that there are thousand upon thousands of us around the world promoting intuitive eating, including professionals as well as men and women who've seen the light and want to illuminate the way for others. Every time I meet someone who understands the concept of "normal" eating, my heart does a little leap. However, chipping away in our own dark corners does not generate enough energy to create a tipping point, which will move us out onto center stage. Like most evolving movements, we're still developing and debating our language and goals and lack a cohesive ideology and firm sense of connection to one and other. We're doing the best we can, but it's not enough to sail us over the goalposts.

I don't pretend to have all the answers to overcoming the obstacles cited above, but I do have some ideas. Moreover, I trust that those of you reading this article will have even more-and perhaps better-ideas and that by seriously analyzing and discussing what's needed to press forward, we will move closer to empowering a broader, yet more focused movement.
Solutions to Obstacles Facing the Intuitive Eating Movement
The best way to combat the force of the diet industry is to use people's own failures with diets to prove to them that diets don't work. Our movement will progress by taking every opportunity to write articles in newspapers and magazines and letters to editors challenging "uplifting" stories about overnight diet successes, to speak out in radio interviews, to give talks at local schools, libraries, mental health and community centers, religious institutions, and any venue we can find to spread the word. It also wouldn't hurt if we had the capacity to access grant or foundation money for the likes of more research, advertising, and public relations. How about a "Diets are dumb" or "Diets are dangerous" campaign with buttons, bumper stickers, walkathons and lapel ribbons?
Quick-fix problem-solving:
Fighting the quick-fix mentality means offering genuine solutions, backed not only by studies and statistics, but with viable, concrete alternatives. We have to make the argument that we have the long-term solution to disordered eating and articulate clearly what that is. This means popularizing success stories, including getting clients to publicly share their dismal experiences with diets as well as their enduring triumphs with intuitive eating. Getting the message out to the media that we're not simply anti-diet but pro what really works is also part of the job. The rest is laying out the steps and stages of moving into and through the intuitive eating process through books, CDs, and DVDs.

When books and films critiquing and challenging the food industry come out, we need to get behind them and promote them. For example, because of the stature of its author, The End of Overeating has the chance to change many minds in a big way, and we can rally behind it even if we don't agree with every word it says. Books and films abound that challenge the food industry, and fast food in particular, and it's vital that we do all we can to help them make a splash. This may mean promoting them in our community and creating events to celebrate them. We can also tell politicians how we feel about issues that relate to food, such as school lunch programs, ingredient labeling, and meals for the elderly and the financially needy.

When I first heard the term "mindfulness," it was in connection to Buddhism, but now it seems to have seeped into mainstream vernacular. We need to use the term often in everyday discourse, in articles, books and presentations so people inquire about its meaning and relationship to recovery from disregulated eating. The more people who hear the term and understand the concept, the more likely they are to embrace it and put it into practice not only with food but also in other areas of their lives.

Whenever I go to the doctor (or dentist), I bring my business cards and brochures to market myself as well as to use the opportunity to talk about intuitive eating. Although there's not generally much time, most health care professionals are receptive to, or at least curious about, the ideas of this alternative approach to dieting. We can team up with medical personnel to do talks, panel discussions, and events. We can arm the ones we know are sympathetic to our cause with information about intuitive eating and ask them to share it with colleagues. We can push for our books to be used in hospital settings, and in wellness and human resource programs to give patients an alternative to diets.

Short of starting a revolution, there's not a huge amount we can do about the fact that our economic system is founded on capitalism. What we can do to advocate for sensible approaches to eating is to show evidence that in the long run, there is still money to be made. The health care industry, for example, will save money by teaching citizens to eat more healthily by eating more intuitively. By choosing how to spend our dollars, we can show big business that it can do good and make a profit, in part by marketing intuitive eating as a positive, successful way to connect to food. If companies can use their savvy to sell unhealthy food, they can apply it to a more rational way of eating and still make a buck.
Difficulty of changing behavior:
Those of us on the front lines know how hard it is to change behavior. Some of us had to do a complete turnaround ourselves to become "normal" eaters, while others have spent their entire professional lives guiding people to eat more normally. Much of our work is educational, teaching people about the change process itself: what works and what doesn't, how to set realistic expectations and problem-solve, how to resolve mixed feelings, deal with relapse and self-sabotage, and how to march forward resolutely when sometimes it seems as if you're out of step with the whole thin obsessed, fat phobic world. In order to transform behavior, we need to use psychology. At the least, we have to understand why we do what we do around food and in relation to the scale and learn to retrain our brains by first understanding and appreciating how they work. The message we need to convey is a multi-pronged approach to intuitive eating-biological, hereditary, behavioral, intellectual, social, and psychological.
Lack of connection and a cohesive message:
We who are working toward creating a society of intuitive eaters are far more connected than ever before. There are abundant conferences and forums on eating, a host of journals and books, and new websites and blogs sprouting up every day. We can never expect to be cookie-cutter copies of each other, nor would that benefit the movement. We each can and should reach out in our own way-as researchers, educators, therapists, dieticians, health care practitioners, advocates, food industry critics, and lay people-as long as we are offering a unified message.

And that is where we fall short-we lack cohesiveness which includes a shared vision and language, overarching goals, ways to chart movement progress, financial resources, and marketing and funding strategies that will weave together our work, pull us all forward, and trigger a tipping point on the eating front. We need a stronger bond between research and practice, the recovering and the recovered, professionals and the public they serve. We need to better harness our astounding knowledge and creative energies to serve our communal ends.

A movement is composed of the collective passion, will, and skill of its members. As our individual work has proven time and again, we have these qualities-as well as an enduring commitment to our clients and community. The crucial question that must be answered is how to create a unified movement that is greater than the sum of these parts so it empowers anyone and everyone to become an intuitive eater. The place to start is to share with each other our visions for how this can happen.

Karen Koenig is the author of several best-selling books, including The Rules of "Normal" Eating and The Food and Feelings Workbook: A Full Course Meal on Emotional Health.

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Intuitive Eating-what it is and why it's important - Lynn Rossy

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In case you haven't heard about "intuitive eating" I want to introduce you by directing you to the website www.intuitiveeating.com. Here you will find the 10 principles of intuitive eating outlined in the book "Intuitive Eating" by Evelyn Tribole, MS, RD and Elyse Resch, MS, RD, FADA.

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You might not think you have a morning ritual, but you do.

"I didn't get enough sleep."

+

"I don't have enough time."

According to Lynne Twist, author of The Soul of Money, we unwittingly think those two scarcity-themed thoughts every single day, before we do or think about anything else:

"Before we even sit up in bed, before our feet touch the floor, we're already inadequate, already behind, already losing, already lacking something...what begins as a simple expression of a hurried life, or even the challenged life, grows into the great justification for an unfulfilled life."

Do you practice this morning ritual without even knowing it?
When our default mode is set to scarcity, we basically train ourselves to seek out proof that we need more of everything. We focus on what we wish was different, and in doing so, we subtly reject all that we already have.
This thought pattern breeds thousands and thousands of other thoughts with the same scarcity genetics, resulting in you chronically feeling as if you have nothing but problems. Considering we average about 60,000 thoughts per day, that's quite a barrage of negativity.

There's a little trick you can do to test how powerful focus is. The trick goes like this:

Spend 15 seconds looking around you and finding anything that's blue, the label on the Purell, someone's socks, a screen icon, anything...
Now close your eyes and tell me everything you saw that was green.
When you hone in on something, you naturally notice it more at the cost of whatever else is in the landscape. Your brain is trained to do this; taking in all the stimulus around you would be too overwhelming and dangerous.
Your brain needs to be able to focus and whether you realize it or not, it gets all its instructions about what to focus on from you.
When your brain's first instructions of the day are to think about how you didn't get enough sleep and how you're not going to have enough time to to do all that you need to do, guess what you're going to be noticing all day long (again, at the cost of whatever else in the landscape)?

Before your feet touch the floor tomorrow morning, before you do anything else, take a second to engage in a new morning ritual -- point your thoughts in the direction of gratitude.

This doesn't mean pretending everything is perfect.
Gratitude is not about shallowly telling yourself that you have everything you could ever want or need. Gratitude is about acknowledging what enough looks like for you.
I got enough sleep, and I have enough time.

From those two thoughts, you begin a day where your brain seeks out what else you have enough of:

I have enough patience to deal with this.

I have enough creative ideas to find a solution.

I have enough clothes.

I have enough food.

And progressively, like magic, these thoughts breed thousands and thousands of other thoughts with the same abundance genetics, resulting in you chronically feeling grateful for all that you have enough of. It works both ways.

When you consistently come from a place of enough, you cultivate a steady sense of gratitude and you naturally give. You give your attention, patience, ideas, time and most importantly, you give your presence. It is emotionally intoxicating to be around someone who is present, who is not scurrying around in their mind for the next thing to do or think about.

To be around someone who is confident in the moment, someone who isn't in a rush to do more and get more because they know they already have enough, that is attractive.

It's attractive to bosses who want to promote confident leaders for their team, it's attractive to potential romantic partners who want to be with someone with a special charm, it's attractive to the child who feels a soothing sense of calm from an adult who's present, it's attractive across the board.

This is why people who are genuinely grateful for what they have often get even more of it, not because they imagine desirable scenarios and those scenarios just magically manifest, but because they give naturally, so they get naturally.

Here are a few other thoughts that can keep you on the abundance track:

What do I have to give today? (A book you loved and think your friend might like? A more friendly disposition? Your full attention?)

What can I be generous with today? (Your warmth during a difficult conversation? Your physical affection? Your patience? Your tip to the barista? Your effort? Your planning?)
Enough is the bridge from scarcity to abundance. What do you have enough of?
Katherine Schafler is an NYC-based psychotherapist, writer and speaker. For more of her work, join her newsletter community, read her blog, or follow her on Instagram.

The Thrive Global Community welcomes voices from many spheres. We publish pieces written by outside contributors with a wide range of opinions, which don't necessarily reflect our own. Learn more or join us as a community member!

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A Psychotherapist Shares 2 Toxic Thoughts You're Accidentally Thinking Every Day

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You might not think you have a morning ritual, but you do. "I didn't get enough sleep." + "I don't have enough time."

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MELISSA MCCREERYU

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Too Much On Her Plate | Overeating Help for Emotional Eating

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Let's talk about one of the most common setups for overeating - at least for busy women - transitions.

Do you overeat when you're in a transition?

My client Jane (I've changed all the names here) had been trying to lose thirty-five pounds for as long as she could remember. Her downfall was emotional eating and overeating at night. She could make it through a day of healthy eating, but once she walked through the front door, good intentions and her weight loss plan fell apart.

Claudia travels a lot for her business. She was stuck in a pattern of getting on track with exercise, eating, and me-time and seeing it crumble into inactivity and stress eating when she hit the road. Tricia is incredibly busy running her successful business. She was determined to carve out time for herself-both to ease her stress and to have more fun. But, no matter how firm her resolve, she'd come home from work, hit a wall of exhaustion, and not feel able to motivate herself to do the stuff she knew would make her feel better.

When I started working with each of these women, they felt trapped, frustrated with themselves, and completely ineffective with their plans for change. The thing is, their very different situations were being caused by the same problem-and it's one I see creating a lot of stress, emotional eating, irritability, and negativity for many busy women.

Are you ignoring the transitions in your life in your quest to just do the next thing?

When you're busy, life can seem like one endless to-do list, and in the race to be productive, it can feel like you're always racing off to do the next thing. Stress and overwhelm make it worse, and the desire to be productive and deal with overload can lead to doing and doing and more doing.

When this happens, we tend to ignore the transitions in our life.

Well we don't necessarily ignore them, we just plow through them and never stop running.

And then, we overeat.

Busy people tend to underestimate the power and the effect of transitions. By transitions, I'm talking about the shift between activities, relationships, locations, and lifestyle paces that happen for all of us.

A few examples of transitions are:

Coming home from work

Going on or returning from vacation

Business travel (leaving and returning to both home and office)

Shifting from the work week to the weekend

Finishing a project or a meeting and moving on to the next task

Transitions are challenging. Even the best transition can be a source of stress. Ever gone on vacation and realized your body and mind took a few days to figure out how to be on vacation? That's you in transition.

Transitions work best if we acknowledge them and pay attention to what we need to navigate them successfully.

Missing transitions, rushed transitions, or even overlapping activities (denied transitions) are a recipe for mindless eating, emotional eating, stress eating, and comfort eating.

We ignore transitions when we expect ourselves to shift seamlessly from one activity or part of our life to another without breaking our stride. This happens a lot for busy working moms who may race out of the office and find themselves putting dinner on the table before they've even taken a deep breath or changed their clothes. Ever arrive home from work and slide in the door feeling "off" because you're still digesting your crazy day? That's you not quite transitioned.

It's no surprise that evening is often described as the most stressful part of the day (and the time when most people overeat). A big reason is the multiple transitions that are happening in a busy household: work to home, school to home, professional to head chef and bottle washer, CEO to loving partner, etc.

A simple solution to the overeating and transitions problem

Honoring transitions doesn't require a lot of time, but doing so can have a big impact.

Start by identifying your most impactful transitions. Start paying attention to the places in your life where you have to shift gears, and the problems you encounter when you do. Once you know your transitions and their challenges, you can be more proactive.

One of the simplest things you can do is what a client called "inserting a comma."

There's no need to come to a screeching halt, just insert a comma into your day.

Give yourself a five minute break. Catch your breath. Ask yourself what you need to be at your best in the next segment (post-transition) of your life. Make a list if you need to.

Pay attention to whether there is residue from the thing you just left that needs to be put away or shaken off.

Do something tangible to signify that you are shifting gears. Wash your face, change your clothes, put on some music, or unpack and put away your suitcase.

Take good care,

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Do you overeat when you're in a transition? My client Jane (I've changed all the names here) had been trying to lose thirty-five pounds for as long as she could remember. Her downfall was emotional eating and overeating at night.

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One often neglected theme is the fear of somehow being unmasked or shown up to be fraudulent in some important way that many adult daughters experience; that irrational but powerful fear is a direct consequence of not having their emotional needs met in childhood. Some of that feeling of faking it seems to emanate from the shame they feel-of being excluded from the magic circle of being loved and still wondering whether they are somehow to blame. This is an unconscious pattern of thought that bubbles up to the surface in times of stress and anxiety and, unless she's been in therapy, the chances are good that the daughter won't recognize its provenance.

I've been married ten years and I know my husband loves me but when we disagree or argue, I become terribly frightened because a part of me thinks that now he'll see me for who I really am and he'll leave. Who could blame him for leaving someone like me? I've just managed to fool him into thinking I'm someone I'm not.

Another driver of the fear is what her mother and others told her about who she was and is. The internalization of what's been said to and about her in her family of origin-that's she's fundamentally lacking or unlovable, that she's "difficult" or "too sensitive," that she'll never amount to anything or will never be good enough-is also unconscious, and becomes the first thing her conscious mind offers up as an explanation when things go wrong or are difficult. This habit of what psychologists call self-criticism -attributing outcomes to deep-seated character flaws rather than specific circumstances-also feeds the daughter's sense of putting on a show for the world that eventually will be found out.

I had my yearly review at work and my boss had nothing but good things to say but made it clear that I had to be more proactive to get promoted. To come up with new ideas and to challenge others on the team when needed. All I could think was 'who would ever listen to my ideas?' while he was talking. I could hear my mother's voice in my head telling me I was stupid and that I wasn't worth listening it. I'm 38 but I can't seem to turn off her voice.

Finally, the feeling of faking it is fed by the daughter's inability to see herself clearly and to trust in her own perceptions. Her mother's face is the first mirror in which a daughter glimpses herself and if the reflection is one of love and attunement, there's fertile soil for the growth and flowering of her own sense of self and worth. According to attachment theory, this child is securely attached, meaning that she trusts both herself and other people, needs and wants intimate connections, and has a secure base of connection that allows her to deal with setbacks and stress productively.

That doesn't happen when a child is ignored or marginalized, or when her mother is unresponsive to her needs. A wellspring of self-doubt along with a detachment from her own thoughts and feelings fills the space where a sense of self should reside. That, too, can be the source for that feeling that she's nobody in disguise and should people see as she really is, they will head for the hills. These children grow up to be adults who display an insecure style of attachment which is either avoidant or anxious-preoccupied, each of which is a maladaptive way of coping with emotion and stress.

I never fully let my guard down with anyone because I'm sure that if they see me as I am, they won't like me. That makes me think that if I'm hiding and faking it, the chances are good that everyone else is too and that makes me even more cautious and cynical. Sometimes, it feels like every relationship I'm in is a game. I know not everyone thinks that way but I just keep finding people to play hide-and-seek with. It's depressing.

Five proactive steps to take to overcome that feeling of faking it

Recognize the feeling and track it to its source

Really looking at how your childhood experiences shaped and affected you, especially your mother's treatment, is an important first step in combatting the fear of being found out. Recognizing that how your mother saw you isn't necessarily true or even worth thinking about it is the second.

Work on seeing yourself more clearly (without self-criticism)

This is hard for many women because the habit of self-criticism is so ingrained. If you have a close friend or intimate, ask him or her to describe you honestly and realistically, and compare that to the first thoughts that come into your mind when you think about yourself. Focus on the things you genuinely like about yourself and move on from there. Eventually you will get to a place where you can look at what needs improving without dissolving into a puddle of shame or self-recrimination. Being able to see both your strengths and flaws is part of being human.

Try to be accepting of yourself and understand why that little girl inside still feels as though she's play-acting or pretending, and see that impulse as something she was convinced of by others even though it really has no merit.

Recognize that this is an unconscious default position and start arguing with it every time it pipes up-and, yes, I mean literally. Talk back to the voice that says you have nothing to contribute, and make a list of what you've done recently that mattered to someone. Assert your own authenticity by pointing to what you've already accomplished. Become your own inner cheerleader starting now.

Don't be an obstacle to your own thriving and when you feel scared of being unmasked, remind yourself of the woman other people see: the competent and reliable co-worker, the friend someone can turn to, the person who makes a killer quesadilla or who is a fine gardener. Push off from those automatic feelings and the fear that rises up with them, and recognize them as baseless.
Allow yourself to "get real."
Photograph by StockSnap. Copyright free. Pixabay.com

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Unloved Daughters and The Feeling of Faking It

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One often neglected theme is the fear of somehow being unmasked or shown up to be fraudulent in some important way that many adult daughters experience; that irrational but powerful fear is a direct consequence of not having their emotional needs met...

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Intuitive Eating Studies
Pdf of Summary of Intuitive Eating Studies
2016 Studies

Bruce LJ, Ricciardelli LA. (2016). A systematic review of the psychosocial correlates of intuitive eating among adult women. Appetite.96:454-472.

Twenty-four cross-sectional studies, published between 2006 and September 2015, met eligibility criteria for systematic review. Intuitive eating was associated with less disordered eating, a more positive body image, greater emotional functioning, and a number of other psychosocial correlates that have been examined less extensively. Participants in the majority of studies were university students in the USA so findings cannot be generalized to wider population of female adults. Prospective studies are now needed to verify these cross-sectional findings, and show if intuitive eating may reduce disordered eating and body image concerns, and promote women's psychological health and well-being.

Ellis J1, Galloway AT, Webb RM, Martz DM, Farrow CV (2016). Recollections of pressure to eat during childhood, but not picky eating, predict young adult eating behavior. Appetite. 97:58-63. doi: 10.1016/j.appet.2015.11.020.
Current adult intuitive eating and disordered eating behaviors were self-reported by 170 college students, along with childhood picky eating and pressure through retrospective self- and parent reports. Analysis revealed that childhood parental pressure to eat, but not picky eating, predicted intuitive eating and disordered eating symptoms in college students. These findings suggest that parental pressure in childhood is associated with problematic eating patterns in young adulthood.

Webb J.B., and Hardin A.S. (2016). An integrative affect regulation process model of internalized weight bias and Intuitive Eating in college women. Appetite. doi: 10.1016/j.appet.2016.02.024.
A weight diverse sample of 333 college women completed an online survey assessing internalized weight stigma, intuitive eating, body shame, body image flexibility, and self-compassion. Internalized weight bias is a potential driving force behind myriad negative health and quality of life complications for individuals traversing the weight continuum. Subscribing to internalized weight stigma was marked by declines in a healthy intuitive approach to eating for young women traversing the weight spectrum. Mindfulness, acceptance and compassion may be a helpful way to transform self-critical weight bias.

2015 Studies

Anderson LM, Reilly EE, Schaumberg K, Dmochowski S, Anderson DA. (2015). Contributions of mindful eating, intuitive eating, and restraint to BMI, disordered eating, and meal consumption in college students. Eat Weight Disord. Aug 5.

This is the first study to compare intuitive eating, mindful eating, and restraint in college students. Higher restraint was associated with increased BMI and disordered eating. Whereas, intuitive eating was associated with decreased BMI and disordered eating. Mindful eating was not related to outcome variables.

Carbonneau N, Carbonneau E, Cantin M, Gagnon-Girouard MP. (2015). Examining women's perceptions of their mother's and romantic partner's interpersonal styles for a better understanding of their eating regulation and intuitive eating. Appetite. Sep;92:156-66.

The main purpose of this research was to examine the role played by both the mother and the romantic partner in predicting women's intuitive eating. Overall, these results attest to the importance of considering women's social environment (i.e., mother and romantic partner) for a better understanding of their eating regulation and ability to eat intuitively.

Tylka, T.L., Calogero, R.M., & Danielsdottir S. (2015). Is intuitive eating the same as flexible dietary control? Their links to each other and well-being could provide an answer. Appetite 95: 166-175.

Flexible control strategies include monitoring portion sizes, eating smaller amounts and lower calorie versions of comfort foods, staying within a predetermined daily calorie range, and self-monitoring weight. Flexible control have been touted by certain scholars as adaptive approaches to eating that stand in contrast to rigid restriction of food intake. This is the first study to compare Intuitive Eating with flexible control. Results indicate 1) Intuitive Eating was found to be related to well-being as well as a lower BMI. 2) Intuitive Eating is an adaptive and distinct construct from flexible control. 3) Flexible control was found to overlap with rigid control. The researchers concluded that flexible control eating strategies should not be adopted by health professionals or health organizations.

To improve positive body image and intuitive eating, efforts should encourage body acceptance by others and emphasize functional, rather appearance motives for exercise.

Tylka TL, Lumeng JC, Eneli IU. (2015). Maternal intuitive eating as a moderator of the association between concern about child weight and restrictive child feeding.Appetite. Dec 1;95:158-65.

Mothers who are concerned about their young child's weight are more likely to use restrictive feeding, which has been associated with increased food seeking behaviors, emotional eating, and overeating in young children across multiple studies. Researchers examined whether mothers' intuitive eating behaviors would moderate the association between their concern about their child's weight and their use of restrictive feeding. Their findings indicate that it may be important address maternal intuitive eating within interventions designed to improve self-regulated eating in children, as mothers who attend these interventions tend to be highly concerned about their child's weight and, if also low in intuitive eating, may be at risk for using restrictive feeding behaviors that interfere with children's self-regulated eating.

Wheeler BJ, Lawrence J, Chae M, Paterson H, Gray AR, Healey D, Reith DM, Taylor BJ. (2015). Intuitive eating is associated with glycaemic control in adolescents with type I diabetes mellitus. Appetite. Sep 25;96:160-165.

In adolescents with type 1 diabetes mellitus, there appears to be a strong association between intuitive eating, in particular the effect of emotion on eating, and glycaemic control. Higher values of both total Intuitive Eating Scale and the Eating for physical rather than emotional reasons subscale were associated with lower HbA1c.

Bush H, Rossy L, Mintz L, & Schopp (2014). Eat for Life: A Worksite Feasibility Study of a Novel Mindfulness-based Intuitive Eating Intervention. Am J Health Promotion (July/Aug):380-388.

A 10-week intervention combining Intuitive Eating and mindfulness, is more effective than traditional weight-loss programs in improving individuals' views of their bodies and decreasing problematic eating behaviors.

Camilleri GM et al (2014). Cross-cultural validity of the Intuitive Eating Scale-2. Psychometric evaluation in a sample of the general French population. Appetite.Sept 17 2014 (online).

The Intuitive Eating Scale-2 was adapted in French & validated for assessing adult IE behaviors in France.

Gast J, et al (2014). Intuitive Eating:Associations with Physical Activity Motivation and BMI Am J Health Promotion .Jan 24. [Epub ahead of print]

People who were internally motivated to engage in physical activity were 1) less likely to engage in restrictive eating behaviors 2) more like to practice self-care 3) enjoy physical activity. In contrast, those who reported guilt as a motivator to exercise, were at risk for eating emotionally or in response to social cues. Intuitive eaters had lower BMI..

Gravel K, St-Hilaire G, Deslauriers A, Watiez M, Dumont M, Dufour Bouchard AA, Provencher V. (March 2014).Effect of sensory-based intervention on the increased use of food-related descriptive terms among restrained eaters. Food Quality & Preference. 32:271-276.

A sensory-based intervention may help restrained women (those with concerns about dieting and weight) to become more objective, and to enjoyably connect to food and their own bodies,which may promote a more intuitive approach to eating.

Gravel K, Deslauriers A, Watiez M, Dumont M, Dufour Bouchard AA, Provencher V. ( Jan 2014). Sensory-Based Nutrition Pilot Intervention for Women. J Acad Nutr Diet.114:99-106 xxx

A sensory-based intervention, taught women how to experience eating based on 1) hunger & fullness cues 2) eating sensations based on the senses (taste, touch, hearing, smell and sight) and 3) pleasurable associations with eating. Women in the intervention group scored higher on the Intuitive Eating Scale. Researchers concluded that this is a promising strategy that, if implemented in clinical practice, can promote healthy eating in a positive way rather than through restrictive strategies that focus mainly on weight and calories. Such intervention seems to effectively reduce overeating episodes and promote the eating of desired foods when hungry.

Weigenberg,M.J.et al (2014). Imagine HEALTH: results from a randomized pilot lifestyle intervention for obese Latino adolescents using Interactive Guided ImagerySM. BMC Complementary & Alternative Med. 14:28. http://www.biomedcentral.com/1472-6882/14/28 [accessed 4-28‐2014.]

Consistent with adult findings showing cross sectional relationships between intuitive eating practices and health markers [66,67], our findings suggest that intuitive eating can be safely used in obese adolescents without fear of sustained consumption of unhealthy foods. In other words, no sustained increases in calories, sugars or fats were seen despite the curriculum suggesting all foods are allowable, dieting is counterproductive, and portion size should be addressed using awareness of internal satiety and hunger signals rather than external rules.

Denny KN, Loth K, Eisenberg ME, Neumark-Sztainer D (2013). Intuitive eating in young adults. Who is doing it, and how is it related to disordered eating behaviors? Appetite.Jan;60(1):13-9.

Large study evaluated Intuitive Eating as a possible healthier, more effective, and more innate alternative to current strategies of weight management among 2,287 young adults from Project EAT-III. Intuitive eating practices were inversely associated with a number of harmful outcomes, including binge eating and eating disorders behaviors. Researchers concluded that clinicians should discuss the concept of intuitive eating with their young adult patients to promote healthier weight-related outcomes.

Herbert BL, Blechert J, Hautzinger M, Matthias E., Herbert C.(2013). Intuitive eating is associated with interoceptive sensitivity. Effects on body mass index. Appetite, 70(Nov):22-30.

This is the first study to demonstrate that relevant role of interoceptive sensitivity and the appraisal of bodily signals for Intuitive Eating. Interoceptive sensitivity was a positive and significant predictor for Intuitive Eating and BMI.

Moy J, Petrie TA, Dockendorff S, Greenleaf C, Martin S (2013). Dieting, exercise, and intuitive eating among early adolescents. Eat Behav.14(4):529-32. doi: 10.1016/j.eatbeh.2013.06.014.

Dieting to lose weight, with its focus on restriction of caloric intake, may disrupt intuitive eating processes, though other forms of weight loss, such as exercising, which do not emphasize food may not. This study on nearly 1400 middle school boys and girls, found that regardless of sex or exercising, dieting was related to feeling less free to eat what was wanted and to eating more to soothe emotions than to satisfy actual physical hunger. Exercising, independent of dieting, was associated with feeling less permission to eat what was wanted, but also eating to satisfy physical hunger as opposed to coping with emotional distress. Overall, girls were more aware and trusting of their bodily hunger and satiety cues than boys, but when boys were exercising, they scored similarly to girls on this dimension. These findings suggest that different weight loss approaches - dieting vs. exercising - have unique relationships to young adolescents' intuitive eating and these associations tend to be stable across sex. Longitudinal studies now are needed to examine how dieting that begins in childhood or early adolescence might have long-term effects on the progression of intuitive eating.

Tylka TL, & Kroon Van Diest AM. (2013) The Intuitive Eating Scale-2: Item refinement and psychometric evaluation with college women and men. J Couns Psychol. Jan;60(1):137-53.

Largest study to date on Intuitive Eating, on 1405 women and 1195 men, which updates and validates the new Intuitive Eating assessment scale (IE-2). The IE-2 has a new category, Body-Food Choice congruence, which reflects the principle of Gentle Nutrition. Intuitive eating scores were positively related to body appreciation, self-esteem, and satisfaction with life; and were inversely related to eating disorder symptomatology, poor interoceptive awareness, body surveillance, body shame, body mass index, and internalization of media appearance ideals. IES-2 scores also predicted psychological well-being above and beyond eating disorder symptomatology.

Schoenefeld SJ, & Webb JB. (2013). Self-compassion and intuitive eating in college women: Examining the contributions of distress tolerance and body image acceptance and action. Eat Behav. 2013 Dec;14(4):493-6.

Self-compassion has been linked to higher levels of psychological well-being. Results provide preliminary support for a complementary perspective on the role of acceptance in the context of intuitive eating.

Gast, J., Madanat H., & Nielson A. (2012). Are Men More Intuitive When It Comes to Eating and Physical Activity? Am J Mens Health, vol. 6 no. 2 164-17.

Men scoring high on Hawks' Intuitive Eating scale, was associated with lower body mass index. Men placed value on being physically fit and healthy, rather than on an ideal weight.

Madden C.E., Leong, S.L., Gray A., and Horwath C.C. ( 2012). Eating in response to hunger and satiety signals is related to BMI in a nationwide sample of 1601 mid-age New Zealand women. Public Health Nutrition. Mar 23:1-8. [Epub ahead of print].

Women with high Intuitive Eating Scale (IES) scores had significantly lower body mass index, which suggests that people who eat in response to hunger and satiety cues, have unconditional permission to eat, and cope with feelings without food, are less likely to engage in eating behaviors that lead to weight gain.

Augustus-Horvath CL and Tylka T. (2011) The Acceptance Model of Intuitive Eating: A Comparison of Women in Emerging Adulthood, Early Adulthood, and Middle Adulthood. J Counseling Psychology 2011 (Jan ) 58:110-125.

The acceptance model of intuitive eating posits that body acceptance by others helps women appreciate their body and resist adopting an observer's perspective of their body, which contribute to their eating intuitively/adaptively. We extended this model by integrating body mass index (BMI) into its structure and investigating it with emerging age, in adult women from ages 18-65 years old.

Heileson J.L., & R. Cole (2011). Assessing Motivation for Eating and Intuitive Eating in Military Service Members. Journal of the American Dietetic Association, 111 (9 Supplement), Page A26.
Intuitive Eating was associated with lower body mass index levels in 100 active military troops.
Dockendorff, S. A., Petrie, T. A., Greenleaf, C., & Martin, S. (2011, August). Intuitive Eating Scale for Adolescents: Factorial and construct validity. Paper presented at the 119th annual American Psychological Association conference, Washington, DC.
Tylka's Intuitive Eating scale was adopted for adolescents and Intuitive Eating was associated with health benefits including lower body mass index, without internalizing the thin ideal, positive mood, and greater life satisfaction.
Sarah H. Shouse S. J. & Nilsson, J. (2011). Self-Silencing, Emotional Awareness, and Eating Behaviors in College Women. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 35: 451-457.
Expression of thoughts, feelings, or needs seems to be a critical aspect of healthy eating behaviors. The suppression of voice, combined with high levels of emotional awareness, may decrease trust of internal signals of hunger and satiation and disrupt Intuitive Eating. Intuitive eating is maximized when a woman has high levels of emotional awareness and low levels of self-silencing. Conversely, intuitive eating is disrupted.
Young, S. Promoting healthy eating among college women: Effectiveness of an intuitive eating intervention. Iowa State University, 2011, Dissertation 147 pages; AAT 3418683.
This is the first experimental study to test the effectiveness of an intuitive eating intervention designed to increase adaptive eating practices and reduce eating disorder risk factors. Overall these results present empirical evidence that the intuitive eating model can be a promising approach to disordered eating prevention in a variety of service delivery modalities.
2010 Studies

Cole RE and Horacek T. Effectiveness of the "My Body Knows When" Intuitive-eating Pilot Program. Am J Health Behavior 2010; (May-June):286-297.

The objective of this study was to evaluate the effectiveness of the "My Body Knows When" Intuitive Eating program tailored to assist Fort Drum military spouses in rejecting the dieting mentality.The intuitive-eating program was able to significantly transition participants away from a dieting mentality towards intuitive-eating lifestyle behaviors. Overall, Intuitive Eating is a holist approach to long-term healthy behavior change and would benefit from an extended support system to improve effectiveness.

Galloway A.T., Farrow, C.V., & Martz DM. (2010). Retrospective Reports of Child Feeding Practices, Current Eating Behaviors, and BMI in College Students. Behavior and Psychology (formerly Obesity), 18(7):1330-1335.

Nearly 100 college-aged students and their parents completed retrospective questionnaires of parental feeding practices regarding the college students' childhood. The results showed that parental monitoring and restriction of food intake had a significant impact on their college student's body mass index, emotional eating, and Intuitive Eating Scale scores.

MacDougall EC. An Examination of a Culturally Relevant Model of Intuitive Eating with African American College Women. University of Akron, 2010. Dissertation 218 pages.

The present study explores the model intuitive eating with African American college women. Results of the present study provide empirical support for several propositions underlying a model of intuitive eating that suggests several, but not all, model paths may extend and generalize to more diverse samples of women.

2008-2009 Studies

2006-2007 Studies

Cole R & Horacek T. Effectiveness of the "My Body Knows When" Intuitive Eating Non-Dieting Weight Management Pilot Program.J Am Dietetic Assoc 2007;107(August Suppl):A90.

Tylka, Tracy L. Development and psychometric evaluation of a measure of intuitive eating.J Counseling Psych;2006. 53(2), Apr:226-240.

Avalos LC and Tylka T. Exploring an acceptance model of intuitive eating with college women.J Counseling Psych. Vol 53(4), Oct 2006, 486-497.

Hawks, ST et al. The relationship between intuitive eating and health indicators among college women. Am. J. Health Educ. 2006;26:322-324.

Tylka, T.L., & Wilcox, J.A. Are intuitive eating and eating disorder symptomatology opposite poles of the same construct? J of Counseling Psychology, 2006;53, 474-485.

Smith T and Hawks SR. Intuitive Eating, Diet Composition, and the Meaning of Food in Healthy Weight Promotion. Am J Health Educ 2006;May-June;37(3):130-136..

Intuitive Eating and Healthy Weight Promotion. AJHE, 2006

2004-2005 Studies

Bacon L. Size Acceptance and Intuitive Eating Improve Health in Obese Female Chronic Dieters. J Am Dietetic Assoc.2005;105:929-936.

Hawks S et al. Relationship Between Intuitive Eating and Health Indicators Among College Women. Am J Health Ed 2005:Nov-Dec;36(6):331-336

Special thanks to Steven R. Hawks of BYU; Tracy L. Tylka of OSU; and Lori Smitham of Univ Notre Dame for advancing and validating the Intuitive Eating process and allowing their research to be shared on this site.
Studies Related to Intuitive Eating

Bacon L and Aphramor L.Weight Science:Evaluating the Evidence for a Paradigm Shift. [2011]. Nutrition Journal, January. 10:9. [Free full text]. http://bit.ly/f4CKOK .

Ciampolini M et al., Sustained Self-Regulation of Energy Intake: Initial Hunger Improves Insulin Sensitivity, Journal of Nutrition and Metabolism, vol. 7 2010. [Free full text]

Ciampolini M et al. Sustained self-regulation of energy intake. Loss of weight in overweight subjects. Maintenance of weight in normal-weight subjects, Nutrition and Metabolism, vol. 7, article 4, 2010. [ Free full text.]

Ciampolini Mand R. Bianchi, Training to estimate blood glucose and to form associations with initial hunger, Nutrition and Metabolism, vol. 3, article 42, 2006. [ Free full text.]

Eneli et al. (2008). The Trust Model: A Different Feeding Paradigm for Managing Childhood Obesity..2197-2204. [Free Full Text.]

Field AE et al.(2003).Relation Between Dieting and Weight Change Among Preadolescents and Adolescents. Pediatrics, 112:900-906. [Free Full Text.]

Mann, T. (2001).Medicare's search for effective obesity treatments: Diets are not the answer. Am. Psychologist, 62(3): 220-233.

Neumark-Sztainer D, Wall M, Guo J, Story M, Haines J, Eisenberg M. (2006). Obesity, disordered eating, and eating disorders in a longitudinal study of adolescents: how do dieters fare five years later? J Am Diet Assoc,106(4):559-568.

K H Pietiläinen, S E Saarni, J Kaprio and A Rissanen (2011). Does dieting make you fat? A twin study. International Journal of Obesity.

Stice E et al. An Effectiveness Trial of a Dissonance-Based Eating DisorderPrevention Program for High-Risk Adolescents Girls J Consult Clin Psychol. 2009.October;77(5): 825-834. [Free Full Text.]

Shift from dieting decreases risk of obesity and eating disorders. JADA;2006 Apr;106:559-68.

Tomiyama, A. Janet, Mann, Traci, Vinas, Danielle, Hunger, Jeffrey M., DeJager, Jill, Taylor, Shelley E.Low Calorie Dieting Increases Cortisol. Psychosom Med. 2010 72: 357-364.

Yang Q. (2010).Gain weight by "going diet?" Artificial sweeteners and the neurobiology of sugar cravings.Yale J BIOLOGY MEDICINE, 83:01-108. [Free Full Text.]

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Pdf of Summary of Intuitive Eating Studies Bruce LJ, Ricciardelli LA. (2016). A systematic review of the psychosocial correlates of intuitive eating among adult women. Appetite.96:454-472. Twenty-four cross-sectional studies, published between 2006 and September 2015, met eligibility criteria for systematic review.

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http://www.mindful.org/the-power-of-play/

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In Sweden, it's obligatory to eat coffee and cake. No, really.

At many companies it's mandatory for all workers, from Malmo to Stockholm, to have a designated time during the day to sit down and do fika.

Fika - which roughly translates from Swedish as drinking coffee, munching sweet treats and chatting - is as much a part of the working day in Sweden as emailing and fixing the printer.

It's like going to the pub in other countries.

"It's deeply ingrained in our culture." said Matts Johansson, founder of Da Matteo, a coffee chain based in Gothenburg. "Most Swedes have fika several times a day, whether it's at the weekend or during the week. It's about spending time with people, eating lovely homemade baked goods and drinking great coffee. It's like going to the pub in other countries."

Many Swedish firms have mandatory fika breaks and employees are given free hot drinks. But do all these regular chat breaks make for a more efficient workforce?

There isn't a caffeine index as such, but the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) does publish productivity data.

Analysing productivity by employee in 38 countries, 2014 data reveal Sweden comes in at a respectable number 11. Sweden's coffee-quaffing neighbour Norway is the second most productive nation, behind champs Luxembourg, while the workhorses of the US are fourth. Long-lunching France is seventh - far ahead of Japan (20th) and Korea (30th), two countries known for long work hours.
Going global
Coffee breaks are so important to the Swedish that even the country's mega-brand, Ikea,has a paragraph about on its corporate website: "More than a coffee break, fika is a time to share, connect and relax with colleagues. Some of the best ideas and decisions happen at fika."

Andreas Astrom, from the Stockholm Chamber of Commerce, agrees.

"Swedish management style differs to most other countries. It's flat and not very hierarchical," Astrom said. "When you have flat structures it's important to listen to everyone and through the communal nature of fika, chatting between employees and management is encouraged. It's a great way to get everyone's views on how companies are run."

If I can do this right, I can be another Richard Branson, become a fika billionaire.

And more recently, the trend has gone global. These days the aspirational, affluent, New Yorker, Londoner or Sydney-sider doesn't just pop out of the office for coffee - they might sneak 15 minutes and go for fika. It's less about grabbing a shot of caffeine on the go and more about scheduling pauses in to the day.

Lars Akerlund has built a business empire on fika. He relocated to New York City from Sweden in 2001, opening his first cafe, FIKA, near Central Park in 2006. He now has 17 cafes with another two on the way. One of the most popular menu items is a coffee and home-made cake or chocolate. It's something that lends itself to savouring rather than devouring on the hop. So what inspired his burgeoning empire?

"I loved New York but when I moved here, outside the chain stores I couldn't find a good coffee. The West Coast was full of great places for an espresso, so I knew there was potential. I saw a huge gap in the market and I thought, if I can do this right, I can be another Richard Branson, become a fika billionaire."

Some people thought we were Swiss and asked for chocolate.

Akerlund didn't just want to bring great coffee to New Yorkers, he wanted to give them a new perspective on life.

"With fika, the idea is to sit and enjoy your coffee and bun, even it's for 10 minutes," Akerlund said. "In New York it was all about grab and go but I thought that if I offered something really good I could change people's way of doing things, make them stop and relax."

He got up at 4am every day to bake everything fresh. The coffee was from a speciality roaster in Brooklyn and chocolates were made on site. So how did New Yorkers react?

"At first some objected to the price. We were charging $2 for a drip coffee when they could get it for $1 next door," said Akerlund. "So I gave them a free cup. They liked it and came back."

In Manhattan at least, FIKA has become an institution and it even has its own award-winning chocolate factory - the chain's salted caramel won gold in the 2014 International Chocolate Awards. Perhaps, though, Akerlund's biggest achievement is persuading busy New Yorkers to take a breath and stop during the working day, Swedish style.

Fika has also left its mark in Australia. While the sun shines on the improbably beautiful sand of Manly beach, Sydney, a little corner of Sweden sits snugly around the corner. In 2013, Fika Swedish Kitchen opened its doors to a bemused public, as co-founder Diana Chirilas explains.

"We initially catered to mainly Swedish expats. Aussie-born locals poked their heads in and said 'Swedish, what do you mean Swedish?'," she said. "Some people thought we were Swiss and asked for chocolate."
Changing tastes and attitudes
But attitudes are changing, Chirilas said.

"Everything Scandinavian is trendy. There are Nordic movies and TV dramas, Swedish design shops have opened and people are curious," she said.

In Walthamstow, suburb in London, Swedish café Bygga Bo has taken the idea behind Fika and extended it to incorporate an entire lifestyle.

"Bygga Bo means 'to build a nest' and for me fika means cosy, relaxed and homely," said Malin Hamilton, who opened the shop with husband James in 2013.

"We started the business by opening up our own house as a fika pop-up with coffee and cakes. It went well and we decided to do it full-time. We now have a Swedish lifestyle shop with a bit of everything including ceramics, candles and clothes so people can have that fika feeling whenever they want."

Husband James says there's also been a change in consumers' expectations, with people tiring of mass-market products and requesting one-off, carefully crafted goods.

"Fika fits into that mentality. We bake all our cakes, the accessories we sell are all handmade and people really appreciate it. They see it as aspirational."

To comment on this story or anything else you have seen on BBC Capital, please head over to our Facebook page or message us on Twitter.

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Is this the sweet secret to Swedish success?

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In Sweden, it's obligatory to eat coffee and cake. No, really. At many companies it's mandatory for all workers, from Malmo to Stockholm, to have a designated time during the day to sit down and do fika.

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This morning I woke up feeling "off". I couldn't exactly put my finger on the reason why, but I knew something wasn't right. Despite that, I continued with my usual morning routine of journaling and doing a short yoga routine to wake up my body. I got through the yoga but now was feeling antsy instead of feeling refreshed like I usually do. I thought that maybe journaling would help but that wasn't flowing either. I could feel the frustration growing and all I was thinking was that I might have a challenging day ahead! So, rather than beat myself up for not following my usual routine, and then being all dramatic that skipping it today was a "sign" that I wouldn't want to do it ever again, I gave myself permission to not do it.

After taking a few deep breaths and checking in with myself, I decided that running errands might do the trick today. To some, that might not sound like a very reflective thing to do, but it was an opportunity to get out of the house, interact with people face-to-face (which is great for me as I'm behind my computer most days), and knock a few things off my to-do list which is always welcome!

Well, after treating myself to a delicious and nourishing breakfast at Panera, I was off to run my errands. The errands went smoothly and I got everything done. As I was checking off my list, I could feel my mood shifting. Maybe I was feeling a sense of accomplishment or maybe it was just that I was allowing myself to just freely go about my day without pressuring myself. My previously heavy thoughts were starting to ease up and I welcomed it.

It occurred to me that giving myself space to just "be" was just what I needed. Instead of "shoulding" myself and/or pressuring myself to "do" was helping me get out of the funk I was in. It was also a reminder of how important it is to allow these feelings to just be without trying to always change them. It's okay to be in a funk sometimes. Feeling uncomfortable isn't something most of us relish, but it's a place we could all benefit from being in sometimes. Why? Because it's in the discomfort that we often find our answers.

It's in the discomfort that we're reminded that our feelings will pass if we allow them to.

It's in the discomfort that we realize that maybe the discomfort is our body's way of saying that we need a break or a change on our routines.

It's in the discomfort that we have an opportunity to be more self-compassionate with ourselves for not having it all figured out yet.

It's in the discomfort that we realize that we can give ourselves the space to just be and stop doing all the time.

When I used to use food to cope with every single emotion that surfaced, waking up and feeling the way I did today would have caused me to emotionally eat. At that time, it's all that I knew. The truth is that I didn't know how to handle feeling uncomfortable or give myself the space to figure it out. Turning to food brought me instant comfort, so naturally, I would use it to feel better.

Since my recovery from disordered eating, I've learned to use other coping mechanisms that don't involve using food to anesthetize myself. Now I do things that give me the space I need to just be so the answers will come to me naturally. I now have a box full of tools that I turn to when I'm feeling "off". And, I give myself permission to use whatever tool I need without judgment. Today, my tool of choice was treating myself to breakfast and running errands. Another day, it might be heading to the gym. Some days I might need to do both before the mood passes. Some days, none of those will work and I'll call a friend, read a book, meditate or nap.

I think the most important point to remember is that we all have "off" days when our vibe is low. Having tools to help us during these times is important for everyone, but especially if you're prone to turning to food for comfort. No matter what tool you decide to use, the importance needn't be on what you decide to do but on allowing yourself to use it without judgment. Tuning in to see what your body needs and finding a tool that meets those needs is what matters. Also, allowing yourself to change it up if you notice that the tool you've chosen isn't making you feel better, ditch it and try another. Just go with it and know that you'll eventually find what you need so be patient. Judging, being impatient and numbing out with food isn't the answer. Of course, if you do turn to food for relief, you needn't beat yourself or feel shameful. Sometimes that may be your tool and that's okay. Remembering that relief comes in many different forms is key. However, when we're loving, self-compassionate and patient with ourselves we can more easily see that we have other options other than the food.

If you need help in discerning your needs and are prone to chronic emotional eating, my free eBook Are You Really Hungry? is a life saver. It poses two very important questions that you need to ask yourself before reaching for the food when you know you're not hungry. Click here to download your free copy.
Michelle Vina-Baltsas is a Food & Body Relationship Specialist. Her passion is to help women shift their mindset so that they can finally live without the constant preoccupation with food and their bodies. She was imprisoned by chronic dieting and body hatred for decades but now has a thriving relationship with both food and body. Michelle enjoys all foods including kale salads, green juice, ice cream and cake! She believes that all foods and bodies can fit in our lives and that happiness is never found in a number on the scale or our clothing size. Michelle is a Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor, Certified Holistic Health Coach and an Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) Practitioner. She teaches her clients how to cultivate healthy lifestyle behaviors instead of worrying about weight and size using the intuitive eating model.
How is your relationship with food and body? Take my free online quiz!

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How Creating Space Can Help Heal Emotional Eating - Michelle Vina-Baltsas, Contributor - Medium

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This morning I woke up feeling "off". I couldn't exactly put my finger on the reason why, but I knew something wasn't right. Despite that, I continued with my usual morning routine of journaling and doing a short yoga routine to wake up my body.

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Whānau Effect Strengths Finder Gift Generator Sparklers Habit Sticks All Right? App All Right? Poster Generator Tiny Adventures Walking Poster Generator Downtime Dice Compliment GIFs

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Peg Streep, author or coauthor of eleven books, received her B.A. in English with Highest Honors from the University of Pennsylvania in 1969, where she was a Woodrow Wilson Fellow, a Magna Cum Laude inductee and a Phi Beta Kappa member. In 1971 she received her M.A. and M.Phil with Highest Honors in English from Columbia University.

Amidst teaching, working in the publishing industry, and launching her own book packaging company, Streep began her writing career in 1994 with Sanctuaries of the Goddess(Little,Brown/Bulfinch). Streep primarily covered spirituality ( Altars Made Easy; Mary, Queen of Heaven; Cowgirl Rising; Spiritual Gardening; The Women's Book of Guardians) until her co-authorship with Nancy Snyderman, M.D., of Necessary Journeys(Hyperion, 2000) shifted her focus towards women's issues in psychology. After co-authoring a second book with Snyderman ( Girl In the Mirror: Mothers and Daughters in the Years of Adolescence; Hyperion, 2002) and an additional book with renowned plastic surgeon, Loren Eskenazi ( More than Skin Deep: Exploring Why Real Women Go Under the Knife; HarperCollins, 2007), she published Mean Mothers: Overcoming the Legacy of Hurt(William Morrow, 2009). The paperback of her book, originally titled Mastering The Art of Quitting:Why It Matters in Life, Love, and Work, will be reissued in March 2015 as Quitting: Why We Fear It and Why We Shouldn't in Life, Love, and Work.

Currently, Streep is writing a memoir and working on two books about psychology.

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Peg Streep, author or coauthor of eleven books, received her B.A. in English with Highest Honors from the University of Pennsylvania in 1969, where she was a Woodrow Wilson Fellow, a Magna Cum Laude inductee and a Phi Beta Kappa member. In 1971 she received...

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UK Blogger

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With diet culture shouting loudly at us every single day - whether it's when you turn on the TV and see Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall (celebrity chef in the UK) or Dr Michael Mosely on their misguided missions to make us all healthier by making us thinner, or the latest superfood promising miracles, I...

One of the things I teach my clients, is how to be ruthless with the truth. Our minds are tricky and they convince us that all sorts of things are true - about ourselves, about others and about the world around us. It starts as a way to keep us safe as children. We need the people in our lives (especially...

I love to think of the development of a pearl as a metaphor for the way in which one can approach healing from struggles with food. If you think about it, the beautiful pearl - lustrous and rich looking, starts off as a tiny grain of sand - which is actually an invader to the oyster. In order to...

Not too long ago, I had the rare and delightful opportunity to spend 4 and a half hours in a car with one of my brothers. Our conversation turned to our mother. Ever since I can remember, she has been trying to lose weight. Over 45 years of yo-yoing, she has dieted her way up into a large body. She...

About self-sabotage... In my blog 'What's Hiding Behind Your Self-Sabotage', I explained why I'm not a fan of the notion of self-sabotage: it's purely because I don't think it's very helpful when you're trying to understand why you're not creating the result you want in your relationship with food...

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With diet culture shouting loudly at us every single day - whether it's when you turn on the TV and see Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall (celebrity chef in the UK) or Dr Michael Mosely on their misguided missions to make us all healthier by making us thinner, or the latest superfood promising miracles, I...

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Healthier role model? Actress Christina Hendricks (REUTERS)

Personally, I loathed being thin. I felt weak, absent and terrified; vulnerable, knock-downable, unsexed; childlike, yet painfully elderly. My unpadded bottom hurt when I sat; my jutting hip bones caught on doorframes and furniture. Merely lying down was painful. My appetite vanished and with it my appetite for life.

And so I rebuilt myself - slowly, sensibly - with good fats, slow-releasing carbs and mountains of protein. I counted calories for the first time in my life - to put weight on - and started my days with 700-calorie Mr Strong breakfasts. The occasions when I could finally manage a whole pizza or a plate of fragrant curry were red-letter days, celebrated with male allies. It took work, and time; but every pound felt like a victory.

Fifteen months on, I am doubtless a little overweight, rounded by festive carousing. However, I regard such changes with objective interest: rear a little plumper, thighs more Amazonian, face entering its late Elvis mode. I am genuinely happier being in ostensibly "worse" shape. I prefer my body contoured. I relish being strong, powerful, able to carry suitcases for tourists and lift prams up steps. I like filling my clothes, not having them hang limply off me. I feel adult, nourished, myself.

I have absolutely no desire to resemble a stick-thin supermodel, or emaciated Angelina Jolie. I want to look healthy, à la Sophie Dahl when she was neither teen-plump nor model-scrawny; ravishingly curvaceous, even, like Monica Bellucci or Christina Hendricks; and be Kate Winslet-like in my ability to hoist Richard Branson's (reluctant) mother over my shoulder and rescue her from the flames.

No other woman I have talked to about this could begin to understand this welcoming of weight. "What do you mean you want to put it back on?" they asked in horror. "You've got what we all long for." A brilliant friend confided that her guiltiest secret was feeling joy after she was in a car crash because she had "never been more thin".

Candida Crewe's 2007 memoir, Eating Myself, argued that the author's "normal abnormality" regarding food - read (barely) functional anorexia - is the "everywoman disease". I attacked it in print at the time for perpetuating the stereotype that thinness is all women care about. Now, I feel forced to concede that, never having dieted, not knowing my current weight and harbouring no sexual feelings about chocolate, it is I who am the (healthy) freak.

Anorexia seemed still happily rare in the prelapsarian Eighties in which I grew up, although my psychiatrist father was treating cases. There was one girl in my state school sixth form with an eating disorder she had picked up at boarding school, who managed to inflict her "eating's cheating" mantra upon one other.

Apostle of thinness: Wallis Simpson (REX)

Only at Oxford did I begin to appreciate the scale of the problem, learning that freighted term "body image". I remember sitting in the obligatory group therapy circle, feeling as if I was struggling with a foreign language as so many bright, beautiful girls confessed to hating their bodies. I felt astounded, incredulous, giddied.

Later, one member arranged an experiment in which we were to eat biscuits in front of a mirror for half an hour, and write down how we felt. I did it, didn't get it, felt a tad bored. Later, one of the other participants had to be hurried away by ambulance, spurred into a meltdown that required psychiatric help. Again, I was shocked. No one else seemed surprised. It was regrettable, but we had clearly been playing with fire.

Some 90 per cent of adult women are said to experience body image anxiety, from negative thoughts to full-blown self-loathing. A few years ago, I was asked to comment on research that suggested millions of women suffer from such negative self-image that they may feel too inhibited to attend work, or leave the house. The survey by YouGov for Tesco, suggested that as many as 8.3 million (more than one in three) women have cancelled social engagements on account of appearance anxiety, with employers estimated to lose £114.4  million a year to self-disgusted absenteeism.

A third of women questioned could not bear to purchase clothing in the correct size; almost two-thirds avoided their own reflections. Over a third had rejected sex due to body horror, while just under half avoid exercise in public believing this inappropriate for a woman over a size 14 (the UK average being a 16). We were, it appeared, in the grip of a self-consciousness epidemic transforming British womanhood into a collection of work-shy agoraphobics. If this self-hatred is a negative influence on adult women, then it is even more terrifying among girls. Thinness rather than good grades would appear to be the universal pre-pubescent goal, "fat" the ultimate playground insult. Girls as young as five now routinely worry about their weight, said a parliamentary report last year, while half of 14-year-old girls have been on a diet to change their body shape.

The number of pre-teen children treated in hospital for eating disorders has tripled in four years, according to NHS figures. There were more than 6,500 children and teenagers treated in hospital in 2010‑11 for conditions such as anorexia, compared with 1,718 in 2007-08. The figures include 443 who received treatment before the age of 13 - a more than threefold rise. Among them were 79 children less than 10 when starting treatment, 56 aged five or under - anorexic behaviour picked up as toddlers.

For all our education, and opportunities that would make our grandmothers green with envy, thinness would appear to be the ultimate female ambition. Somehow, women and weight issues have become equated: not only is fat a feminist issue - as psychologist and campaigner Susie Orbach taught us in her seminal 1978 study - it is a more fundamentally female one. This leaves me - what? - insufficiently female? It is an accusation that has been levelled.

An ex-lover's woman friends professed to hate me because I don't much like pudding, something they took to be a mark of smug superiority (it isn't - I will eat any amount of cheese). I once wrote an article revealing that I do not like chocolate - cue an avalanche of hate mail telling me I had "betrayed the sisterhood" and "obviously detest women". Recently, I admitted to a friend that I had hit someone over the head with a loaf of bread: "You eat bread?" she goggled.

In this context, the ultimate taboo is - like me - to admit zero angst about consumption. Women who eat too much, women who eat too little, women who eat only during months in which an "r" appears - all this is considered par for the course. It is me - the woman who eats for nourishment and pleasure - who is considered the pervert .

In the wake of January, none of us is a stranger to the current crop of whacko regimes - 5:2, 4:3, new Atkins, old Atkins, Dukan, raw food, green juicing, no sugar, paleo, blood group, or my current favourite, the werewolf diet, in which acolytes eat according to lunar cycles. Meanwhile, the "bikini bridge", that little indentation beside the sacrum, has replaced the "thigh gap" as index of approved skinniness, despite having started as a BuzzFeed parody of a cultural fixation.

Celebrity magazines sell on the back of who has put on weight and who has shed it (typically, the very same "slebs" figure in both categories on a complex alternating schedule); starlet and paparazzi careers are born and made on the fat-thin cycle and its oscillation between "good" and "bad". If the pressure is there for E-listers, for A-listers it is off the scale. As Tina Fey joked at the recent Golden Globes ceremony: "Matthew McConaughey did amazing work this year. For his role in Dallas Buyers Club, he lost 45lb, or what actresses call 'being in a movie'." Lena Dunham, creator of hit US comedy Girls, is the exception to this skeletal sorority, and, by God, don't we get to hear about it.

Add to this our (justifiable) anxiety regarding obesity, and our collective thinness infatuation reaches fever pitch. Still, as experts are beginning to reach consensus, the obesity crisis may be a product of our thinness mania, and the diet industry that creates and supplies its confused appetites. Diet foods and lunatic regimes ultimately make us gain more weight, as eating becomes disordered, swinging between binge and purge; dieting being self-defeating in a way that "normal" eating is not. By eating normally, I'm the same dress size as I was when I hit puberty - not thin, but not fat.

I would like to say that I see some hope, but I don't, not without a collective decision to fight for it. To be sure, we have the various Dove campaigns and 2013's exhortations to be "Fit Not Thin". However, this very phrase conjures the winner of two Olympic gold medals Rebecca Adlington weeping over comparisons between her body and that of a model in last year's I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! We were told the Olympics would inspire women to see their bodies differently, but even among its champions the goal is to belittle ourselves.

Patriarchy ghettoised women by defining them as being about the body only: hysterics whose sole modes of expression were to ingest and expel. At the moment when we are finally wrestling free of its stranglehold, women are being frogmarched straight back into the same impasse. Worse, we are doing this to ourselves, self-harming physically and psychologically.

It is time we stopped reducing ourselves. Time we remembered that a body is more than stomach, hips and thighs. It is heart, lungs, and brain. Personally, I will continue embodying rebellion. I shall put on weight when I overdo the food and drink, and I shall lose it again when life calms down. This is the normal, human way of things. And if this makes me less of a woman, then I'll settle for "human being".

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Why is thinness the ultimate female ambition?

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It has taken Hannah Betts over a year to revert to her normal body shape after a bout of illness left her skinny, vulnerable and 'unsexed’. Now she asks why her healthy attitude to food is so at odds with the views and desires of other women

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Sci-Fi film from '80s - not so fictional nowadays in many ways!

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They Live is a 1988 American science fiction horror film written and directed by John Carpenter. The film stars Roddy Piper, Keith David, and Meg Foster. It follows an unnamed drifter (referred to as "John Nada" in the film's credits) who discovers that the ruling class are aliens concealing their appearance and manipulating people to spend money, breed, and accept the status quo with subliminal messages in mass media.

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WEBSITE

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Managing editor Stephanie Domet catches up with JG Larochette to find out how the Mindful Life Project got started and what impact it's had on thousands of lives, including his own. Read More

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Managing editor Stephanie Domet catches up with JG Larochette to find out how the Mindful Life Project got started and what impact it's had on thousands of lives, including his own. Read More

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There they were, the container of almonds. Oh, almonds, and the staring contests we would play out while I fought a mental battle with myself, gripping tightly to the snack cabinet. What's a handful? One handful, and that's it. It's a healthy snack, and nothing I should feel bad about. Just one little handful, and I'll be satisfied. I can do it. Handful of almonds, commence. There. But now that handful is gone, and the last thing I feel is satisfied. I re-open the package just to grab a few more. Then another few, and maybe just a few more. By now I am feeling ravenous - maybe I'm just hungry? So I grab for a banana. Still feeling hungry. A few more almonds should do the trick, though now, being aware of all the calories I'm taking in, I'm starting to feel guilty. How can I justify having my days worth of fat and calories in the last 10 minutes? I know! I'll skip dinner. Better yet, I'll skip dinner and plan a long run tomorrow to be sure I burn it off. That'll do it. And because now, it's justified, I might as well have more almonds.

This was the F'd up mentality I had around several foods for as long as I can remember. I'd try so hard to "just have a few", and punished myself mentally and psychically when I was unable to do so. Comparison never did me any good, because I would think "there are people out there who binge on cake, cookies and potato chips - this is not that bad", or I would remind myself that these things were seemingly healthy, which blocked the fact that anything devoured in that amount was, in fact, unhealthy. In this way, eating healthy foods actually lead me to binges. I would have been much better off eating a chemical, fake-food filled candy bar, knowing it was bad for me, and letting that pump the brakes for further snacking. Instead, I reach for the "healthier" options of nuts, organic tortilla chips with guacamole, veggie straws, or homemade "paleo" desserts; but because I was able to identify these foods as "good for me", there was little guilt about reaching for seconds or thirds; that was, until I felt out of control and so full my stomach hurt.

I wanted so badly to be a moderate snacker: someone who could have a bite, handful, or taste of something and let that explosion of flavor on my taste buds create satiety alone. I got angry with myself when that one little taste nearly always turned into a yearning for more. The energy I spent fighting over these food decisions was exhausting; from the self-arguments of "don't do it" to the justifications of my choices being healthy, followed by the punishment of a skipped meal or plan to overexercise. I felt out of control and angry, and the ripple effect of my negative energy reached everyone in my home; yelling at the dogs, low patience with the kids, not wanting to be touched by my husband - everyone suffered because of my battle with food. I was constantly in a state of comparison and yearning that I was too busy wishing I was different to realize who I really was: an abstainer who just loves food.

This realization came after diving into Gretchen Rubin's book Better Than Before. Early on, she describes people as moderators (people who feel satisfied with a little) or abstainers (people who are better off not having certain things whatsoever). Just reading these two descriptions was like a high-five "DUH" to the forehead: I'm not broken, nothing is wrong with me, I'm just trying to force myself into the moderator category when really, I'm an abstainer. I was instantly filled with self love and acceptance along with this realization. It was like I was allowing myself to just be me for the first time. I no longer felt I had to compare myself to others or wish I was different. In the process of simply moving myself into the abstainer mindset, I got to know myself better - and there was a lot to learn.

I learned about my "trigger foods" (nuts, tortilla chips, anything dipped in tahini). I learned when these foods were likely to be overeaten (after a glass of wine, as a nighttime snack, if munched on while cooking). And, I learned what good solutions would be (buying single serving packs, only using these foods in recipes, and abstaining from them otherwise). I had to learn about myself before I could come up with a solution to my problem. I had to own this problem as my own, instead of wishing it away or comparing it to others. I had to tune out all the voices who praised me for being a healthy eater or "so skinny" (why is that a compliment, anyway?), and know for myself how unhealthy I felt. Food had control of me - certain ones, anyway - but I had the power to take that control back by simply learning about myself, and doing something about the areas that created guilt, stress, anxiety, and struggle. Who knew a relationship with such "healthy" foods could be so unhealthy? I had to break up with almonds.

It all comes down to getting to know yourself for who you truly are. You cannot force yourself to be someone you are not if you want to create genuine change. If you are changing because you were told you "should", it will be a short lived change. The change has to be driven from a power that comes from within. You have to create the change, be aware of your strengths, notice how good you feel, and let this self-driven positivity carry you through your habit formation. It takes a lot of hard work to outgrow old habits and create new, long lasting ones, but as long as it's you that wants to make the change and you that is creating the drive to continue, you will be successful. `

Okay, recipe time!

I am a night eater. This is another thing I used to beat myself up for, since you read so many things about not eating after a certain time, or fasting for 16 hours between dinner and breakfast. Nighttime, like my morning coffee, is my time, The day is done, the kids are tucked in, the house is picked up, and I get to put my feet up for what is likely to be the first time all day since that morning coffee. It's also the very small window of relaxation before going to bed and gearing up for the following day's work out and client-packed morning. What I am not at night is a reader or a writer. I am a lazy, tired human who wants to enjoy a lil' somethin' while watching a lil' TV before turning into a pumpkin, as my dad would say. But these snack choices had to honor my body, my needs, and respect my weaknesses. Like a lot of people out there, this is a time when my sweet tooth is in high gear. If a pan of healthy brownies sits on my counter, I'll go back for more. I've learned that. So, my solution was to come up with a healthy, but single-serve option that would be both filling and sweet-tooth-satisfying. And so, my favorite 90 second microwave mug brownie was born.

Ingredients:

1 large egg
1/4 cup almond flour
2 T raw cacao powder
1 T sweetener (I like coconut palm syrup or natural maple syrup)
1t fat (I prefer clarified butter - ghee - but you can also use coconut oil or butter)
1 T brewed coffee
few drops of vanilla
dash of Himalayan salt
optional additions: vanilla ice cream, chopped nuts

In a microwaveable mug, grease the inside with your fat of choice. Whisk the egg with a fork before adding all other ingredients. Mix well, and simply microwave for about 90 seconds.

I like to top mine with just a bit of ice cream while it's still warm! And, because I've also learned that I'm able to have nuts in recipes, I'll often add a few crushed walnuts on top or bake them right in it. It's moist, chocolately, sweet, and filling, so I'm not retreating to the snack cabinet once I reach the bottom of the mug. I enjoy each bite guilt free, because I'm not thinking of those who stopped eating 2 hours ago, or those who chose an apple instead. I'm not wishing that I didn't need this nighttime indulgence, and when I'm finishing, I'm not wishing I didn't eat it. I allow myself to just enjoy it, as Lauren, someone who loves food - even after dinner.

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There they were, the container of almonds. Oh, almonds, and the staring contests we would play out while I fought a mental battle with myself, gripping tightly to the snack cabinet. What's a handful? One handful, and that's it. It's a healthy snack, and nothing I should feel bad about.

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Beginning down the Health At Every Size path can trigger a grieving process, because there are a number of things that we once believed and hoped for that we must give up in order to truly make peace with our food and our bodies.

For instance, we have to give up the idea of one day achieving the thin ideal, as well as the idea that we can use food and exercise to control the size of our bodies. We also have to process the idea that we've devoted so much time and energy to achieving long-term weight loss, without success (or perhaps with success but copious amounts of misery).

In order to truly heal, the vision of our ideal selves that we have carried for years and years has to come to an end. Because most of us have believed in the thin ideal and the power of dieting for decades, it's only natural for some very strong emotions to be triggered when we realize we've been sold a lie.

I remember when I first learned that permanent weight loss was not sustainable for most people. In a way, it was relieving, because it confirmed my life experiences up to that point. It was also very sad, however. I had convinced myself that if only I could get and stay thin, life would be much, much easier for me. Giving up that dream was not in the slightest bit easy for me, and I imagine it isn't for you, either.

To help you move through your emotions about giving up the thin ideal and dieting, it can be helpful to consider the "stages of grief" model described by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. You will likely find the stages she described -denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance - familiar, as they have permeated popular culture in the almost 50 years since she conceived them. Let's explore how they apply to the process of adopting Health At Every Size beliefs.

Note: It's important to understand that we don't necessarily move through the stages of grief linearly. Often we will bounce around as we heal. Use this list to identify the stage or stages you currently occupy and find resources to help you.

Denial

When we first learn of Health At Every Size concepts, it is easy to fall into denial, because they contradict our dominant cultural narrative about weight loss and health. "No, no, no, no," we often think. "It can't be true!"

We reach back towards the familiar territory of diet culture because it's all we know, and because it's so seductive. While in denial, we forget that dieting has been a fair-weather friend. We remember the intoxicating joy of our weight loss successes, but forget our misery when the scale is higher than we want it to be, the pain of bingeing to the point of feeling unwell, or the despair of realizing we're starving but have already eaten our maximum number of calories for the day.

It is normal to experience denial, and to flirt with the sweet promises of diet culture over and over again as you heal your relationship with food and body. But as you learn more about why dieting doesn't work, find a community to provide support, and exercise your self-compassion muscles, you'll spend increasingly less time in denial.

Advice for the denial phase

1. Remember it's normal to fall back into denial repeatedly, particularly given that it's so hard to extract oneself from the dieting culture present in our families, workplaces, and friendship groups.

2. Educate yourself as much as possible about why weight is not an indicator of health. Check out my HAES book recommendations for lots of great literature that explains these ideas.

3. Remind yourself of the ways in which dieting has harmed you. Make a list and review it as often as you need.

Anger

Often the anger phase of our body acceptance grief process manifests as anger towards ourselves for falling prey to diet culture. However, it is important to know that you are not to blame. You were taught that you weren't worthy unless you lived in a small body, and that message was reinforced in millions of large and small ways over the course of your life.

I will repeat because it's just so important: n one of this is your fault.

All of this said, I believe it is really healthy to get angry at the culture that led you to this place. There is no shortage of things to get angry about! Examples include:

1. That we were all sold lies about the feasibility of permanent weight loss, despite a lack of trustworthy evidence, leading to the existence of a $60+ billion diet industry.

2. That we were likewise told lies about the health benefits we would accrue by being thin.

3. That from a very young age, we were manipulated into believing that we are not worthy of love unless we fit the thin ideal.

4. That a patriarchal system sets standards for women at levels that lead to self-harm.

I could go on and on and on, and chances are you can too. These are all valid things to get angry about, and expressing that anger is an important part of healing.

Advice for the anger phase

1. Let yourself truly feel any anger / frustration / resentment and express it in a productive way. I like to do this somatically, which involves recognizing how we store angry energy in our bodies. Intrigued? Read my how-to guide about how to feel your emotions somatically.

2. Try using free writing as another way to process your anger.

3. If you feel so inclined, use your anger to motivate yourself to participate in activism (for example, you could start sharing fat positive / Health At Every Size articles on your Facebook page).

4. Again, remember that this is not your fault. Get angry at society, not yourself. If you are continually feeling bad about succumbing to diet culture, consider writing "this is not your fault" on a post-it and putting it somewhere prominent in your house to remind yourself (e.g., your bathroom mirror).

Bargaining

Bargaining is negotiating-trying to come up with a trade, or a substitute to pursue instead of taking the difficult road of opting out of diet culture.

A classic example of bargaining is, "Okay, maybe I'll just go lose some weight and then pursue intuitive eating afterward." (Unfortunately the people who say this don't realize that intuitive eating is not a weight maintenance technique; it will restore you to whatever your "set point" weight is, which is likely higher than any weight you've dieted yourself down to.)

Advice for the bargaining phase

1. Continue your education, much like in the denial phase. Remind yourself that the science shows you cannot lose weight permanently even if you think it will make you feel better. All of the books in the HAES book recommendations section will help you address concerns about health (e.g., Body Respect, Body of Truth).

2. Examine the reasons you want to bargain. What do you believe will be better about the thing you're trying to substitute? Are there ideas there that can be challenged? For instance, are there things you're holding yourself back from doing until you're in a smaller body?

3. Pursue coaching and/or therapy to start to process why you think you "feel better" at a lighter weight and heal the wounds of your body shame.

Depression

Realizing that weight loss is not possible and that you've wasted so much time in an effort to be thin and healthy inevitably results in sadness. Much like the anger phase, the important thing here is to allow yourself to truly feel the emotion of sadness.

Advice for the depression phase

1. Remember, again, that this is not your fault. You were inculcated in all of this from a young age. There is nothing to feel guilty or shameful about.

2. Find community who can understand what you're going through. Share with them, and know that you're not the only one who has gone through this.

3. Remember that you have a lot of power even though you may be in a larger body, and that you don't have to be limited by your size. To this end, find body positive role models who inspire you. You might check out my list of body positive Instagrammers for inspiration.

4. Allow yourself to feel your emotions using somatic techniques or free writing.

Acceptance

Oh, sweet acceptance. Acceptance is where we have come to terms with the idea that we won't achieve the thin ideal, the reality that dieting doesn't work, and the fact that we've spent a lot of time getting to this place.

Note, of course, that arriving here doesn't mean you won't flirt with the other stages at times as well, though you will likely spend increasing more time here as you steep yourself in knowledge and continue to heal.

Advice for the acceptance phase

1. Enjoy yourself by continuing to explore more things that you can do in your body.

2. Consider activism; there are others that can benefit from hearing your journey and your message.

In Closing, Some Reassurance

The non-diet, Health At Every Size journey is not an easy one. Grief is a natural and normal part of the process. I hope that these ideas can help you move through the stages of grief patiently and while honoring your very valid emotions.

I also want you to know that even though this process can produce some difficult emotions, the peace that is waiting for you when you truly accept yourself and eat intuitively is positively worth it. Have faith that you can handle the feelings and thoughts that arise for you, and that you will eventually make peace with your food and body.

Sources & Thanks

Huge thanks to Dana Sturtevant and Hilary Kinavey of Be Nourished for introducing me to Jeanne Courtney's paper and for their own thoughtful work on this topic, which was a jumping off point for me.

Warmly,

Ready to give up dieting and make peace?

I am here to guide and support you with a combination of compassion and expertise.

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Body acceptance begins with grieving the thin ideal - Made on a Generous Plan Coaching

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Beginning down the Health At Every Size path can trigger a grieving process, because there are a number of things that we once believed and hoped for that we must give up in order to truly make peace with our food and our bodies.

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The Big Problem With Oprah And Other Celebs Who Tout Diets

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An eating disorder therapist argues that celebrity diets are doomed because of the toxic mix of negative comparisons, shame and self-criticism they inspire. Not to mention that diets themselves usually do more harm than good.

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The Body Image Movement (BIM) is an internationally recognised crusade that was founded on the belief that your body is not an ornament, it's the vehicle to your dreams. BIM believes that everyone has the right to love and embrace their body, regardless of shape, size, ethnicity or ability.

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For Normal Eater's Club members only... My coaching packages normally run for at least 3 months, but since you're a Normal Eater's Club member, I wanted to offer you access to discounted 1:1 coaching sessions. These one-off sessions are designed to help you go more in depth in any area you're struggling with or need more support in.

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PSYCHOLOGICAL approach to problem solving. More detail and different types of technique.

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PSYCHOLOGICAL approach to problem solving. More detail and different types of technique.

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Problem-solving is a mental process that involves discovering, analyzing and solving problems. The ultimate goal of problem-solving is to overcome obstacles and find a solution that best resolves the issue.

The best strategy for solving a problem depends largely on the unique situation. In some cases, people are better off learning everything they can about the issue and then using factual knowledge to come up with a solution.

In other instances, creativity and insight are the best options.

The Steps in Problem-Solving

In order to correctly solve a problem, it is important to follow a series of steps. Many researchers refer to this as the problem-solving cycle, which includes developing strategies and organizing knowledge.

While this cycle is portrayed sequentially, people rarely follow a rigid series of steps to find a solution. Instead, we often skip steps or even go back through steps multiple times until the desired solution is reached.

1. Identifying the Problem: While it may seem like an obvious step, identifying the problem is not always as simple as it sounds. In some cases, people might mistakenly identify the wrong source of a problem, which will make attempts to solve it inefficient or even useless.

2. Defining the Problem: After the problem has been identified, it is important to fully define the problem so that it can be solved.

1. Forming a Strategy: The next step is to develop a strategy to solve the problem. The approach used will vary depending upon the situation and the individual's unique preferences.

2. Organizing Information: Before coming up with a solution, we need to first organize the available information. What do we know about the problem? What do we not know? The more information that is available, the better prepared we will be to come up with an accurate solution.

1. Allocating Resources: Of course, we don't always have unlimited money, time, and other resources to solve a problem. Before you begin to solve a problem, you need to determine how high priority it is. If it is an important problem, it is probably worth allocating more resources to solving it. If, however, it is a fairly unimportant problem, then you do not want to spend too much of your available resources into coming up with a solution.

2. Monitoring Progress: Effective problem-solvers tend to monitor their progress as they work towards a solution. If they are not making good progress toward reaching their goal, they will reevaluate their approach or look for new strategies.

3. Evaluating the Results: After a solution has been reached, it is important to evaluate the results to determine if it is the best possible solution to the problem. This evaluation might be immediate, such as checking the results of a math problem to ensure the answer is correct, or it can be delayed, such as evaluating the success of a therapy program after several months of treatment.​

Reed, S. K. (2000). Problem solving. In A. E. Kazdin (Ed.), Encyclopedia of Psychology (Vol. 8, pp. 71-75). Washington, DC: American Psychological Association and Oxford University Press. Sternberg, R. (2003). Cognitive Psychology. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth.

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Overview of the Problem-Solving Mental Process

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Problem-solving is a mental process that involves discovering, analyzing and solving problems. The ultimate goal of problem-solving is to overcome obstacles and find a solution that best resolves the issue. The best strategy for solving a problem depends largely on the unique situation.

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from Tiffany

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I want to have a heart-to-heart today because I think that - while I've mentioned it a couple times in previous posts here - I don't think if I've ever told you exactly what I believe when it comes to emotions. Here it is:

People who struggle with depression, anxiety, eating disorders and addiction tend to feel things VERY deeply... which isn't an issue in and of itself. The issues come when we judge our emotions or refuse to feel them.

Tell me if any of this sounds familiar:
I shouldn't feel this way. Why can't I just stop it? Come on, suck it up. Don't be weak. People who are the way I want to be don't feel like this. Get your sh** together! Shut up. You're so stupid. You have no right to feel like this.
When we invalidate or judge our own emotions, we strip them of their ability to teach us.

Uncomfortable emotions like sadness, hurt, grief, or anger come to us as smoke signals from the body and brain. They are signs that something is out of alignment in or around you. They don't just appear out of nowhere and they definitely don't happen because of some "weakness" within you.
Many of us were taught that emotions are things to be hidden. We heard words like "crybaby." We learned that raw anger was "crazy." We were judged and punished for our feelings.
And so we learned to not deal... which led us to an inability to cope with emotions as they come... which led us into mental illness, addiction and even physical problems.

Everyone feels emotions. What creates true emotional endurance is what we do and think when they come to us.

There's no right or wrong way to feel. It's the most particular thing in the world. That said, there are habits that we super-feelers (depressives, anxious, disordered eaters or addicts) perform that make recovery nearly impossible:

1. Judging our emotions negatively.

2. Suppressing our emotions.

Either of these habits is bound to make your recovery incredibly difficult if not altogether impossible. To help you break them, I want to share with you my personal process to handling the discomfort of feeling.

When I feel emotional, I check in with myself with a few questions:

1. What happened?

This question makes me aware of any triggers that might have set me off, which helps me deal with them more directly should they ever happen again. It also helps me be objective about the situation if I immediately start to judge myself for the emotion.

2. What are the thoughts/beliefs that don't align with my Truth (this, I believe, is the main cause of uncomfortable emotions)?

Pinpointing the thoughts I'm having about what happened can lead me into a better understanding of any old beliefs or thoughts that no longer serve me. This question is the first step to healing them.

3. What story am I telling myself (if any) about what it means to feel this way?

This is one of the most difficult, yet critical questions to answer. Many of us have developed connections between our self-worth and things that have nothing to do with our self-worth. For instance, many of us feel like we're only worthy if we look a certain way or have a certain job. Neither of those things has anything to do with how worthy you are as a human being.
In this same regard, we tell ourselves a story about what it means to feel certain emotions. Common ones are:

hurt = crybaby, thin skin, un-manly

anger = lack of control, difficult or crazy

disappointment = pessimism

fear = weakness

If I catch myself telling these stories, I can externalize them and recognize that they're just stories, not the truth. I remind myself that the strongest people on this Earth feel these things, too.

Then, I'll accept...

It took a long time for me to get here, but now I truly believe that there is a place for every emotion and that it is totally ok to feel them.

If you're not there yet, I understand. It takes some getting used to.
If you want freedom from the power of the super-feels, acceptance is a crucial step.
In the past, I'd hold onto emotion after traumatizing events by questioning why they'd happened to me and refusing to accept that they had happened. By doing this, I trapped myself in emotion that was demanding to be felt because I refused to face it. All because I thought it wasn't fair, that I shouldn't have to deal with it.

What I've found from my years of recovery, however, was that consciously working on acceptance of the event - doesn't matter how big or how small - helped me to release the hold the event had over me.

Things happen in our lives that aren't fair. It sucks and it hurts and it can seem like there's no law or order to it. We can either fight against what we can't control, or we can accept, learn about ourselves through the experience and grow.

...& reframe.

The acceptance makes way for the reframe. Reframing is a term used in therapy that more or less means that we take focus away from the judgment or shaming that we're doing to ourselves, and place it on a thought or belief that serves us instead.

For instance, if I found that I'm telling myself I shouldn't feel a certain way because I feel like I should be past that by now with all my recovery, I'll reframe it to one of these:

"Emotions come no matter how recovered you are. You're a human being and so you deserve the space to feel this."

"You have accomplished so much. Emotions don't mean you're sliding backward; they're opportunities to move forward."

"Somewhere along the line, you learned that recovery is perfection. You know perfection doesn't exist. Can you be loving to yourself now, and allow yourself to have this experience?"

By shifting my focus to a thought or belief that serves me (instead of drains me of diminishes my existence), I give myself permission to have the emotional experience.

Next, I'll purposefully allow myself to feel the emotion.

Let it out, Loves. I know it's scary. I know it's the most uncomfortable feeling in the world.

This step is where a lot of us get caught or give up entirely. Most of us have been taught to just "suck it up" and move on, but that just packs it down.

Emotions demand to be felt. If you don't consciously allow the feeling, they will find a way to make themselves known.

Suppressed emotions become or worsen the very maladies we're here to overcome: depression, anxiety, eating disorders and addiction. They directly lead to their creation or strengthening.

If you truly want to take back the power in your life from any of these issues, train yourself to be ok with not being ok. Let the emotion move through you so it doesn't stay in you and become something worse. [tweet it]

It helps me to also use this mantra: "It's ok for me to feel this." Say it over and over again until the emotion has moved through.

Lastly, I'll ask myself what this came to teach me.

After I've done all the hard work of checking in and feeling the feels, I have the opportunity to grow from this experience.

I believe that everything happens for a reason, even the most awful things. This is my religion.
When I look for the lesson, I allow myself to move forward from it.
Sometimes, the lesson won't be clear until years down the road, but simply acknowledging that the lesson is coming is enough for me to let. it. goooooo.

Want a real life example of this? Check out this post.

I'll leave you with this...

You can feel emotions however you choose to feel emotions. It's your life. If you want freedom from them, if you want your power back from those diagnoses, then you may consider trying this process, too.

It won't happen overnight, but you're worth the work this takes.

Feel on, Love. That's what we humans do.

Stay strong,

Amy

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How to Feel Emotions (because most of us were never taught)

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I want to have a heart-to-heart today because I think that - while I've mentioned it a couple times in previous posts here - I don't think if I've ever told you exactly what I believe when it comes to emotions.

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The general feeling that we don't belong-that we've fooled people into thinking we're more competent and talented than we actually are-is not so unusual. Most of us have experienced it, at least to some degree. It's not simple stage fright or performance anxiety; rather, it's the deep and sometimes paralyzing belief that we have been given something we didn't earn and don't deserve and that at some point we'll be exposed. Psychologists refer to it as impostor syndrome, the impostor phenomenon, impostor fears, and impostorism.

Impostorism causes us to overthink and second-guess. It makes us fixate on how we think others are judging us (in these fixations, we're usually wrong), then fixate some more on how those judgments might poison our interactions. We're scattered-worrying that we underprepared, obsessing about what we should be doing, mentally reviewing what we said five seconds earlier, fretting about what people think of us and what that will mean for us tomorrow.
Impostorism steals our power and suffocates our presence. If even you don't believe you should be here, how will you convince anybody else?
Presence and impostorism are opposing sides of the same coin-and we are the coin.

I don't just study impostorism, I experienced it. And I didn't just experience it, I inhabited it. It was like a little house I lived in. Of course, no one else knew I was there. It was my secret. It nearly always is. That's how impostorism gets such a good grip-it pays you hush money. If you don't tell anyone about those feelings, then people are less likely to think, "Hmm... maybe she really doesn't deserve to be here." No need to give them any ideas, right?

In my 2012 TED talk, I shared a story about my experiences as an impostor. After my brain injury I kept trying to return to school, only to drop out because I couldn't process information. I was in a fog. Nothing feels worse than losing part of your core identity. Anything else can go and still you feel some of your old power. But I had lost my ability to think-a pretty important part of me-and I felt utterly powerless.

I fought my way back-very slowly-and eventually finished college and persuaded someone to take me on as a grad student at Princeton. But for years afterward I was haunted by impostor fears. Every achievement led me to feel more afraid, while even the smallest failure confirmed my belief that I didn't belong. "I'm not supposed to be here" ran through my head over and over.

During our first year in grad school each doctoral student in the psychology department was required to deliver a twenty-minute talk to a group of twenty or so people. The night before my talk, I was so overwhelmed by fear that I told my adviser I was going to quit-just so I didn't have to give that talk.

"No, you're not," she said. "You're going to do the talk. And keep doing it-even if you have to fake it-until you have a moment when you realize that you can do it."

I didn't exactly nail the talk the next day. I don't think I moved any part of my body other than my mouth. I felt as if I could go blank at any moment. And there was nothing I wanted more than for it to be over. At the end, when someone raised his hand to ask a question, I thought I might pass out. But I survived it, and my audience didn't seem to think it was quite as bad as I thought it was. And I kept giving talks-virtually every talk I was invited to give. I even invited myself to give talks. Anything to get more practice.

It took a while, but after grad school at Princeton, a year teaching psychology at Rutgers, two years teaching at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern, and a year at Harvard-a place where someone like me was definitely not supposed to be-my adviser was proved right: I did come to realize that I could do it.

Here's how that moment arrived: a student of mine at Harvard, a woman who had spoken barely a word all semester, came to my office before the final class. I had sent her a note saying that she hadn't yet participated, and it was do-or-die time. She stood there in front of me looking totally defeated, and after a long silence finally spoke: "I'm not supposed to be here," she said. She teared up as she said it.

She told me about her background-coming from a small town, not having a fancy pedigree, feeling acutely like an outsider and an admissions mistake.

She sounded just like I once had.

And at that moment, it hit me: I no longer feel that way. I'm not a fake. I'm not going to be found out. But I didn't realize those bad old feelings were gone until I heard the words coming out of her mouth.
My next thought was this: She's not an impostor, either. She deserves to be here.
When I delivered my TED talk, I never would have guessed that the story about my impostor syndrome would resonate with so many listeners. In fact, I nearly dropped it from the talk entirely, thinking it was too far a reach from my main subject-and way too personal.

In the moments after I walked off the TED stage, several strangers came up and hugged me-most with tears in their eyes. In one way or another, they all said the same thing: "I felt like you were telling my story." I couldn't have imagined then that I would hear the same words from thousands more people, in e-mails I receive to this day, each one telling a new story about feeling like a fake.

Most of us will probably never completely shed our fears of being fraudulent. We'll just work them out as they come, one by one. Just as I can't promise that learning about presence will give you a Zen master existence in the "eternal now," I can't say that you will soon shed all your impostor anxieties forever. New situations may stoke old fears; future sensations of inadequacy might reawaken long-forgotten insecurities. But the more we are aware of our anxieties, the more we communicate about them, and the smarter we are about how they operate, the easier they'll be to shrug off the next time they pop up. It's a game of whack-a-mole we can win.

Excerpted from the book PRESENCE by Amy Cuddy. Copyright © 2015 by Amy Cuddy. Reprinted with permission of Little, Brown and Company.
Amy Cuddy is a social psychologist and professor at Harvard Business School who studies how nonverbal behavior and snap judgments influence people. Her research has been published in top academic journals and covered by NPR, the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, The Economist, Wired, Fast Company, and more. Her 2012 TED Talk "Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are" is the second-most-viewed TED Talk of all time.

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I Don't Deserve to be Here: Presence and the Impostor Syndrome - Lean In

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The general feeling that we don't belong-that we've fooled people into thinking we're more competent and talented than we actually are-is not so unusual. Most of us have experienced it, at least to some degree.

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Ever wondered why history's great minds including Isaac Newton, Abraham Lincoln, Andy Warhol, Leonardo Da Vinci, Marcus Aurelius, Charles Darwin, Winston Churchill, Benjamin Franklin, Ernest Hemingway, George Bernard Shaw and Maya Angelou would spend so much of their precious time writing things that will never be seen by another soul?

Jim Rohn says, "If you're serious about becoming a wealthy, powerful, sophisticated, healthy, influential, cultured, and unique individual, keep a journal."

Many famous creatives, writers, innovators and original thinkers of our generation keep journals- for many, it is a creative necessity, for others, a place for exploration, and for some an art form in and of itself.

But you don't have to be creative, scientist or an innovator for this practice to be worthwhile.

Journaling helps you prioritize, clarify thinking, and accomplish your most important tasks, over urgent busy work.

Thinking in writing has this magical quality of clarifying your thoughts.

Tim Ferriss calls journaling the deloading phase in life. He explains, "I use it as a tool to clarify my thinking and goals, much as Kevin Kelly (one of my favorite humans) does. The paper is like a photography darkroom for my mind."

Get used to the pen again!

Reflective writing has also been shown to improve decision-making and critical thinking in a number of medical professions.

Michael Hyatt says "What happens to us is not as important as the meaning we assign to it. Journaling helps sort this out."

Journals give you a record of the progress you've made toward your goals to keep you motivated in the long slog of actually reaching them.

"As part of your morning creative burst, use your journal to review and hone your daily to-do list. Review and hone your life vision and big picture goals" says Benjamin Hardy.

Numerous studies (of the scientifically rigorous variety) have shown that personal writing can help people better cope with stressful events, relieve anxiety, boost immune cell activity

Judy Willis MD, a neurologist, and former classroom teacher explains, "The practice of writing can enhance the brain's intake, processing, retaining, and retrieving of information... it promotes the brain's attentive focus ... boosts long-term memory, illuminates patterns, gives the brain time for reflection, and when well-guided, is a source of conceptual development and stimulus of the brain's highest cognition."

What you write, you control. You don't have to spend your whole morning writing, but the only rule is to write continuously. Be consistent to make the most of it.

An optimal approach to start Journaling

Start each morning by identifying tasks, goals for the day.

Only write a few bullet points (2/3) to make it easier to start and make progress. You can mix personal and work stuff together.

By keeping each day's entry short and simple, you are making it so easy to journal without excuses.

At the end of each day, look back at what you accomplished, what you learned, what you want to follow-up on tomorrow, and what you want to pursue tomorrow.

Start small. Make micro-commitment each day to get started.

Don't make a huge commitment. Try it for 30 days. Spend just 5- 10 minutes a day reflecting in your journal. When the 30 days are up, go back and review what you've learned and the progress you've made. Then you can decide if you want to continue journaling.

Aim for 5 to 10 minutes of uninterrupted time to do your journaling, ideally the same time every day.

What you write, draw or sketch is completely up to you.

Just sit and write.

Mind-map, list goals, outline your vision, doodle, draw, sketch, make a gratitude list, list your short-term and long-term, write down everything you are curious about, list your passion projects, make a daily entry of needs to be done, reflect on your accomplishments, etc.

Just get all the ideas out on paper, and push yourself to see if more are hanging around in the background of your mind.

Come back to them later to see if anything jumps out at you.

As part of your morning and post-work journaling sessions, be sure to write about everything you are grateful for. Gratitude journaling is a scientifically proven way to overcome several psychological challenges.

It will change your entire life orientation from scarcity to abundance.

"Writing in a journal each day, with a structured, strategic process allows you to direct your focus to what you did accomplish, what you're grateful for, and what you're committed to doing better tomorrow. Thus, you more deeply enjoy your journey each day, feel good about any forward progress you made, and use a heightened level of clarity to accelerate your results," says Hal Elrod, author of "The Miracle Morning".

According to Dr. James Pennebaker, an expert in the field of expressive writing, to get the best results from journaling, it was recommended that you:

Forget about grammar/spelling when you write.

Be honest and authentic (write like no one else is going to read it).

Write by hand for better memory recall.

Adopt cursive writing to get your thoughts out faster.

Journaling alone won't boost your productivity. But when you combine action with reflection you'll take better actions over time.

"Writing accesses you're the left hemisphere of the brain, which is analytical and rational," says Maud Purcell, a psychotherapist and journaling expert. "While your left brain is occupied, your right brain is free to do what it does best, i.e. create, intuit and feel. In this way, writing removes mental blocks and allows us to use more of our brainpower to better understand ourselves and the world around us."

Journaling is not a commonplace habit, it is a keystone habit. Keystone habits affect how you work, eat, play, live, spend, and communicate.

As Charles Duhigg, author of "The Power of Habit" says, "..they encourage change by creating structures that help other habits to flourish." A minor change in one aspect of your life can trigger so many other positive changes.

Journaling is a practical and accessible way to stay connected to your inner self, your body, your dreams and your purpose in life.

Before you go...

If you enjoyed this post, you will love Postanly Weekly. It's my FREE weekly digest of the best posts around the web about life, productivity, becoming the best version of yourself, and my best post of the week. Subscribe here. Join 20,000+ readers.

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The Life-Changing Habit of Journaling (Einstein, Leonardo da Vinci, and Many More Great Minds...

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Ever wondered why history's great minds including Isaac Newton, Abraham Lincoln, Andy Warhol, Leonardo Da Vinci, Marcus Aurelius, Charles Darwin, Winston Churchill, Benjamin Franklin, Ernest Hemingway, George Bernard Shaw and Maya Angelou would spend so much of their precious time writing things that will never be seen by another soul?

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A few minutes into my encounter with the Angry Chef, I begin to wonder if his moniker might be ironic, like the big guy whose friends call him "Tiny". On the basis of his excoriating blog - which exposes "lies, pretensions and stupidity in the world of food" - I had been expecting a bilious, splenetic man with wild eyes, his skin covered in tattoos. Instead, I'm sat across from a mild-mannered nerdy type with a tidy beard and black-framed spectacles. Unlike his writing, which is showered with profanities, he hasn't sworn once. In fact, he picks his words very deliberately, as if there's a legal and fact-checking team working overtime in his brain.

"I expected you to be a bit more ... furious," I finally say. "Do you have a temper?"

The Angry Chef, aka 44-year-old Anthony Warner, considers this, shakes his head. "Not at all," he says. "People who know me and see the blog say, 'You're not angry at all!' No, I was never one of the shouty, scary chefs. Perhaps slightly intimidating sometimes, but only in a quiet, I-don't-know-what-he's-going-to-do sort of way."

"What about the swearing?" I ask.

"I can if you want," Warner replies. "But no, I don't rant, I don't swear nearly as much in real life as I do on my blog."

The Angry Chef's first post on 30 December 2015 consisted of a few pointed thoughts on going sugar-free. He was anonymous back then and there were a couple of reasons for that. Warner liked the idea of writing in character: while he stands by everything he writes, the Angry Chef persona allows him to be more confrontational and unhinged. The other reason was that he wasn't sure what his bosses would think of his new creation. After a decade as a "decent but unremarkable" chef in professional kitchens, Warner became a development cook for Premier Foods, a large commercial food manufacturer. He has spent the last 10 years creating recipes for the likes of Oxo, Mr Kipling, Loyd Grossman and Ambrosia.

This anonymity did not last long. The Angry Chef's railing against the trend for clean-eating and wellness bloggers, his frustration at the miraculous properties assigned to kale and coconut oil quickly found an audience. The Sun asked Warner to contribute to an article about "Insta-gurus' diet advice", and Ben Goldacre, one of his anti-pseudoscience heroes, tweeted his approval. New Scientist commissioned Warner to write for them, a gratifying nod for a self-described "science geek" who has a degree in biochemistry from Manchester University.

Now a book, The Angry Chef: Bad Science and the Truth About Healthy Eating, is out next month. It is a systematic, densely footnoted, and often very funny takedown of pretty much every food fad that has taken hold in recent years: detox, alkaline, ash and paleo diets among them. If you believe superfoods exist, then Warner will have some strong words to make you reconsider. Likewise, if you're convinced there's no possible defence for sugar or processed food, then he wants you to take another look at the evidence.

In an age of Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop, of "Deliciously Ella" Mills, and Hemsley and Hemsley, these somehow seem quite radical ideas. "A lot of the clean-eating people, I just think they have a broken relationship with the truth," says Warner. "They're selling something that is impossible to justify in the context of evidence-based medicine.

"I don't think any of them are lying," he goes on, "they are just stuck in this strange world of false belief, which is fascinating. How can you look at NHS guidelines on how to eat healthily and go, 'Well, I know better than that'? Maybe if you were a professor of dietetics or nutrition, you might disagree with some stuff. But how as a 19-year-old blogger you can look at it and go, 'No, that's wrong. This is right,' I don't know."

How did we arrive at a place where avocados outsell oranges, where coconut oil, a once-cheap saturated fat, is reborn as a super-ingredient with miraculous, health-giving properties? (Paltrow's website Goop also proposes using it as a mouthwash and sexual lubricant, prompting Warner to joke, "Separately, I hope.")

For Warner, part of the explanation is an adaptation of psychologist Daniel Kahneman's theory that people are brilliant at creating a narrative from minimal evidence. Kahneman calls the brain "a machine for jumping to conclusions".

"We really struggle with uncertainty," explains Warner. "We really want to be able to say: 'Is coffee good or bad for us?' Well, it's not good or bad for you, it just is. And we have to accept that; that's what science says. So your brain goes, 'I don't like that level of uncertainty.' Certainty is really appealing for a lot of people and that's what a lot of these people are selling - certainly at the darker end."

Warner accepts he faces a tough challenge convincing people with his "boring" message. We live in the so-called "post-truth world": a time of Brexit, Trump and "alternative facts". Guardian columnist Hadley Freeman has even written that " Deliciously Ella is the precursor to Donald Trump ". In the book, Warner admits that he sometimes feel like "a drunk in a pub car park, raging and swinging at the world".

"When you go back 20 years it was Gillian McKeith," says Warner. "Now it's harder to fight. There's not specific individuals, there's a swarm of them in so many different places, on Instagram, on social media, things I don't even understand as a middle-aged man.

"Facts are important," he continues. "The rhetoric of a lot of politics at the moment is that there was this once-great world we need to return to. And it's actually not true. In almost every single measure, we're better off than we were 100 years ago, or even 50 years ago. We've wiped out smallpox and put someone on the moon with science, if you start rejecting that ..."

Warner trails off, the closest he's come to living up to his "angry" tag. Would he be interested in debating this subject with Ella Mills or the Hemsleys?

"From what I understand they'll avoid me at all costs," says Warner. "I'd find it fascinating, but people will perhaps be surprised. If I'm asked, 'Is a particular food good or bad for you?' I'm not going to give an answer. I don't feel I have superior knowledge, I actually accept that I don't. That's the difference between me and them. So it might be a strange debate."

This is true. Warner's advice, boiled down, amounts to: eat a sensible and varied diet, not too much nor too little. If you have junk food every so often, don't feel guilty; if you're going full Morgan Spurlock, you're probably overdoing it. Eat fish, especially oily ones such as salmon and mackerel, when you can. Don't consume too much sugar, but equally don't believe people who tell you it's "toxic" and has "no nutritional value".

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Chef Anthony Warner alias blogger turned author the Angry Chef. Photograph: Phil Fisk for the Observer

"The rhetoric that sugar is poison, it's killing us, has become completely accepted," says Warner. "We're told it's just empty calories. Well, we kind of need calories to live. But a lot of people will read that and say, 'He would say that. He works for a big cake manufacturer.'"

How would he respond to that then?

"Well, prove me wrong then - you can't!" Warner shoots back. "I'm always going to be accused of being a shill for the food manufacturing industry. Within the job I do, you get very exposed to prejudice that people have against the manufacturers of food. And also you get very exposed to what's involved in making manufactured food, and what you can and can't say about something in terms of its health benefits. If I made a food product and I wanted to say 'it detoxes you', I absolutely couldn't. There are really clear laws: I can't say it in the advertising, I can't say it on the pack, I can't make any sort of claim that isn't hugely backed in evidence.

"But if I wrote a recipe book, I can say what I want," Warner continues. "If I went on telly, I could say, 'This recipe is really detoxing.' You can make stuff up, it doesn't matter. But then you get to the ad break, people advertising can't say those things because they're covered by law. So why aren't the people making the programmes covered by law?"

To be fair, Warner is pretty "angry" now. And he's not exactly optimistic that what he says will make much difference to acolytes of clean eating. "I think fads will continue, often just a recycling of the low-carb Atkins-style dieting under different names like those ketogenic diets, high-fat diets," he sighs.

"They'll just change the name and the pseudoscientific justifications for it. So yeah, there will probably always be something to write about." Warner smiles, "And that will make me angry."

The Angry Chef on ... five food myths

Detoxing
When people say, "I'm detoxing," what they're saying is, "I'm not eating for two days." It's just an extreme weight-loss diet, but you make up toxins that aren't there and say, "I'm doing this to get rid of these toxins" - which your body will do naturally anyway. It creates fear around food.

Eat like a caveman
The paleo diet is just a low-carb diet given a pseudoscientific justification.We've been eating carbohydrates for a very long time, but they'll just go, "Well, a caveman ate meat." They have this idea from The Flintstones, but anyone who works in anthropology will say, "No, they're obviously wrong."

Home-cooked food is always best
It's linked to wanting women to get back into the kitchen: "Natural home-cooked meals are the only way to be healthy ... Things were better before women went to work." Underlying the demonisation of convenience food, there is a lot of misogyny. "Things were better in our grandmother's day" - were they?

Sugar is 'toxic'
Sugar has an enormous amount of energy and is one of the most important building blocks for life. But they say, "It has no nutritional value." That makes absolutely no sense.

Don't eat processed food
People will have a ready-meal from Waitrose and say, "I'm busy." Then they'll say poor people should just stop buying fishfingers: "But I can go to M&S and buy my haddock goujons, that's not bad for me, is it?"

The Angry Chef: Bad Science and the Truth About Healthy Eating (Oneworld, £12.99) is published on 6 July. To order a copy for £11.04, go to bookshop.theguardian.com or call 0330 333 6846. Free UK p&p over £10, online orders only. Phone orders min. p&p of £1.99.

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Meet the chef who's debunking detox, diets and wellness

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A few minutes into my encounter with the Angry Chef, I begin to wonder if his moniker might be ironic, like the big guy whose friends call him "Tiny". On the basis of his excoriating blog - which exposes "lies, pretensions and stupidity in the world of food" - I had been expecting a bilious, splenetic man with wild eyes, his skin covered in tattoos.

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You get all kinds of happiness advice on the internet from people who don't know what they're talking about. Don't trust them.

Actually, don't trust me either. Trust neuroscientists. They study that gray blob in your head all day and have learned a lot about what truly will make you happy.

UCLA neuroscience researcher Alex Korb has some insights that can create an upward spiral of happiness in your life. Here's what you and I can learn from the people who really have answers:

1) The Most Important Question To Ask When You Feel Down

Sometimes it doesn't feel like your brain wants you to be happy. You may feel guilty or shameful. Why?

Believe it or not, guilt and shame activate the brain's reward center.

Via The Upward Spiral:

Despite their differences, pride, shame, and guilt all activate similar neural circuits, including the dorsomedial prefrontal cortex, amygdala, insula, and the nucleus accumbens. Interestingly, pride is the most powerful of these emotions at triggering activity in these regions - except in the nucleus accumbens, where guilt and shame win out. This explains why it can be so appealing to heap guilt and shame on ourselves - they're activating the brain's reward center.

And you worry a lot too. Why? In the short term, worrying makes your brain feel a little better - at least you're doing something about your problems.

Via The Upward Spiral:

In fact, worrying can help calm the limbic system by increasing activity in the medial prefrontal cortex and decreasing activity in the amygdala. That might seem counterintuitive, but it just goes to show that if you're feeling anxiety, doing something about it - even worrying - is better than doing nothing.

But guilt, shame and worry are horrible long-term solutions. So what do neuroscientists say you should do? Ask yourself this question:

Yeah, gratitude is awesome... but does it really affect your brain at the biological level? Yup.

You know what the antidepressant Wellbutrin does? Boosts the neurotransmitter dopamine. So does gratitude.

Via The Upward Spiral:

The benefits of gratitude start with the dopamine system, because feeling grateful activates the brain stem region that produces dopamine. Additionally, gratitude toward others increases activity in social dopamine circuits, which makes social interactions more enjoyable...

Know what Prozac does? Boosts the neurotransmitter serotonin. So does gratitude.

Via The Upward Spiral:

One powerful effect of gratitude is that it can boost serotonin. Trying to think of things you are grateful for forces you to focus on the positive aspects of your life. This simple act increases serotonin production in the anterior cingulate cortex.

I know, sometimes life lands a really mean punch in the gut and it feels like there's nothing to be grateful for. Guess what?

Doesn't matter. You don't have to find anything. It's the searching that counts.

Via The Upward Spiral:

It's not finding gratitude that matters most; it's remembering to look in the first place. Remembering to be grateful is a form of emotional intelligence. One study found that it actually affected neuron density in both the ventromedial and lateral prefrontal cortex. These density changes suggest that as emotional intelligence increases, the neurons in these areas become more efficient. With higher emotional intelligence, it simply takes less effort to be grateful.

And gratitude doesn't just make your brain happy - it can also create a positive feedback loop in your relationships. So express that gratitude to the people you care about.

(For more on how gratitude can make you happier and more successful, click here.)

But what happens when bad feelings completely overtake you? When you're really in the dumps and don't even know how to deal with it? There's an easy answer...

2) Label Negative Feelings

You feel awful. Okay, give that awfulness a name. Sad? Anxious? Angry?

Boom. It's that simple. Sound stupid? Your noggin disagrees.

Via The Upward Spiral:

...in one fMRI study, appropriately titled "Putting Feelings into Words" participants viewed pictures of people with emotional facial expressions. Predictably, each participant's amygdala activated to the emotions in the picture. But when they were asked to name the emotion, the ventrolateral prefrontal cortex activated and reduced the emotional amygdala reactivity. In other words, consciously recognizing the emotions reduced their impact.

Suppressing emotions doesn't work and can backfire on you.

Via Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long:

Gross found that people who tried to suppress a negative emotional experience failed to do so. While they thought they looked fine outwardly, inwardly their limbic system was just as aroused as without suppression, and in some cases, even more aroused. Kevin Ochsner, at Columbia, repeated these findings using an fMRI. Trying not to feel something doesn't work, and in some cases even backfires.

But labeling, on the other hand, makes a big difference.

Via Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long:

To reduce arousal, you need to use just a few words to describe an emotion, and ideally use symbolic language, which means using indirect metaphors, metrics, and simplifications of your experience. This requires you to activate your prefrontal cortex, which reduces the arousal in the limbic system. Here's the bottom line: describe an emotion in just a word or two, and it helps reduce the emotion.

Ancient methods were way ahead of us on this one. Meditation has employed this for centuries. Labeling is a fundamental tool of mindfulness.

In fact, labeling affects the brain so powerfully it works with other people too. Labeling emotions is one of the primary tools used by FBI hostage negotiators.

(To learn more of the secrets of FBI hostage negotiators, click here.)

Okay, hopefully you're not reading this and labeling your current emotional state as " Bored." Maybe you're not feeling awful but you probably have things going on in your life that are causing you some stress. Here's a simple way to beat them...

3) Make That Decision

Ever make a decision and then your brain finally feels at rest? That's no random occurrence.

Brain science shows that making decisions reduces worry and anxiety - as well as helping you solve problems.

Via The Upward Spiral:

Making decisions includes creating intentions and setting goals - all three are part of the same neural circuitry and engage the prefrontal cortex in a positive way, reducing worry and anxiety. Making decisions also helps overcome striatum activity, which usually pulls you toward negative impulses and routines. Finally, making decisions changes your perception of the world - finding solutions to your problems and calming the limbic system.

But deciding can be hard. I agree. So what kind of decisions should you make? Neuroscience has an answer...

Make a "good enough" decision. Don't sweat making the absolute 100% best decision. We all know being a perfectionist can be stressful. And brain studies back this up.

Trying to be perfect overwhelms your brain with emotions and makes you feel out of control.

Via The Upward Spiral:

Trying for the best, instead of good enough, brings too much emotional ventromedial prefrontal activity into the decision-making process. In contrast, recognizing that good enough is good enough activates more dorsolateral prefrontal areas, which helps you feel more in control...

As Swarthmore professor Barry Schwartz said in my interview with him: "Good enough is almost always good enough."

So when you make a decision, your brain feels you have control. And, as I've talked about before, a feeling of control reduces stress. But here's what's really fascinating: Deciding also boosts pleasure.

Via The Upward Spiral:

Actively choosing caused changes in attention circuits and in how the participants felt about the action, and it increased rewarding dopamine activity.

Want proof? No problem. Let's talk about cocaine.

You give 2 rats injections of cocaine. Rat A had to pull a lever first. Rat B didn't have to do anything. Any difference? Yup: rat A gets a bigger boost of dopamine.

Via The Upward Spiral:

So they both got the same injections of cocaine at the same time, but rat A had to actively press the lever, and rat B didn't have to do anything. And you guessed it - rat A released more dopamine in its nucleus accumbens.

So what's the lesson here? Next time you buy cocaine... whoops, wrong lesson. Point is, when you make a decision on a goal and then achieve it, you feel better than when good stuff just happens by chance.

And this answers the eternal mystery of why dragging your butt to the gym can be so hard.

If you go because you feel you have to or you should, well, it's not really a voluntary decision. Your brain doesn't get the pleasure boost. It just feels stress. And that's no way to build a good exercise habit.

Via The Upward Spiral:

Interestingly, if they are forced to exercise, they don't get the same benefits, because without choice, the exercise itself is a source of stress.

So make more decisions. Neuroscience researcher Alex Korb sums it up nicely:

We don't just choose the things we like; we also like the things we choose.

(To learn what neuroscientists say is the best way to use caffeine, click here.)

Okay, you're being grateful, labeling negative emotions and making more decisions. Great. But this is feeling kinda lonely for a happiness prescription. Let's get some other people in here.

What's something you can do with others that neuroscience says is a path to mucho happiness? And something that's stupidly simple so you don't get lazy and skip it? Brain docs have an answer for you...

4) Touch People

No, not indiscriminately; that can get you in a lot of trouble.

But we need to feel love and acceptance from others. When we don't it's painful. And I don't mean "awkward" or "disappointing." I mean actually painful.

Neuroscientists did a study where people played a ball-tossing video game. The other players tossed the ball to you and you tossed it back to them. Actually, there were no other players; that was all done by the computer program.

But the subjects were told the characters were controlled by real people. So what happened when the "other players" stopped playing nice and didn't share the ball?

Subjects' brains responded the same way as if they experienced physical pain. Rejection doesn't just hurt like a broken heart; your brain feels it like a broken leg.

Via The Upward Spiral:

In fact, as demonstrated in an fMRI experiment, social exclusion activates the same circuitry as physical pain... at one point they stopped sharing, only throwing back and forth to each other, ignoring the participant. This small change was enough to elicit feelings of social exclusion, and it activated the anterior cingulate and insula, just like physical pain would.

Relationships are very important to your brain's feeling of happiness. Want to take that to the next level? Touch people.

Via The Upward Spiral:

One of the primary ways to release oxytocin is through touching. Obviously, it's not always appropriate to touch most people, but small touches like handshakes and pats on the back are usually okay. For people you're close with, make more of an effort to touch more often.

Touching is incredibly powerful. We just don't give it enough credit. It makes you more persuasive, increases team performance, improves your flirting... heck, it even boosts math skills.

Touching someone you love actually reduces pain. In fact, when studies were done on married couples, the stronger the marriage, the more powerful the effect.

Via The Upward Spiral:

In addition, holding hands with someone can help comfort you and your brain through painful situations. One fMRI study scanned married women as they were warned that they were about to get a small electric shock. While anticipating the painful shocks, the brain showed a predictable pattern of response in pain and worrying circuits, with activation in the insula, anterior cingulate, and dorsolateral prefrontal cortex. During a separate scan, the women either held their husbands' hands or the hand of the experimenter. When a subject held her husband's hand, the threat of shock had a smaller effect. The brain showed reduced activation in both the anterior cingulate cortex and dorsolateral prefrontal cortex- that is, less activity in the pain and worrying circuits. In addition, the stronger the marriage, the lower the discomfort-related insula activity.

So hug someone today. And do not accept little, quick hugs. No, no, no. Tell them your neuroscientist recommended long hugs.

Via The Upward Spiral:

A hug, especially a long one, releases a neurotransmitter and hormone oxytocin, which reduces the reactivity of the amygdala.

Research shows getting five hugs a day for four weeks increases happiness big time.

Don't have anyone to hug right now? No? (I'm sorry to hear that. I would give you a hug right now if I could.) But there's an answer: neuroscience says you should go get a massage.

Via The Upward Spiral:

The results are fairly clear that massage boosts your serotonin by as much as 30 percent. Massage also decreases stress hormones and raises dopamine levels, which helps you create new good habits... Massage reduces pain because the oxytocin system activates painkilling endorphins. Massage also improves sleep and reduces fatigue by increasing serotonin and dopamine and decreasing the stress hormone cortisol.

So spend time with other people and give some hugs. Sorry, texting is not enough.

When you put people in a stressful situation and then let them visit loved ones or talk to them on the phone, they felt better. What about when they just texted? Their bodies responded the same as if they had no support at all.

Via The Upward Spiral:

...the text-message group had cortisol and oxytocin levels similar to the no-contact group.

Author's note: I totally approve of texting if you make a hug appointment.

(To learn what neuroscience says is the best way to get smarter and happier, click here.)

Okay, I don't want to strain your brain with too much info. Let's round it up and learn the quickest and easiest way to start that upward spiral of neuroscience-inspired happiness...

Sum Up

Here's what brain research says will make you happy:

Ask "What am I grateful for?" No answers? Doesn't matter. Just searching helps.

Label those negative emotions. Give it a name and your brain isn't so bothered by it.

Decide. Go for "good enough" instead of "best decision ever made on Earth."

Hugs, hugs, hugs. Don't text - touch.

So what's the dead simple way to start that upward spiral of happiness?

Just send someone a thank you email. If you feel awkward about it, you can send them this post to tell them why.

This really can start an upward spiral of happiness in your life. UCLA neuroscience researcher Alex Korb explains:

Everything is interconnected. Gratitude improves sleep. Sleep reduces pain. Reduced pain improves your mood. Improved mood reduces anxiety, which improves focus and planning. Focus and planning help with decision making. Decision making further reduces anxiety and improves enjoyment. Enjoyment gives you more to be grateful for, which keeps that loop of the upward spiral going. Enjoyment also makes it more likely you'll exercise and be social, which, in turn, will make you happier.

So thank you for reading this.

And send that thank you email now to make you and someone you care about very happy.
Join over 285,000 readers. Get a free weekly update via email here.
Related posts:
How To Stop Being Lazy And Get More Done - 5 Expert Tips How To Get People To Like You: 7 Ways From An FBI Behavior Expert New Harvard Research Reveals A Fun Way To Be More Successful This article originally appeared at Barking Up the Wrong Tree.

Eric Barker is the author of "Barking Up the Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong." He is also the author of the website by the same name.

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4 rituals proven by neuroscience to make you happy

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You get all kinds of happiness advice on the internet from people who don't know what they're talking about. Don't trust them. Actually, don't trust me either. Trust neuroscientists. They study that gray blob in your head all day and have learned a lot about what truly will make you happy.

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Your job review is scheduled in two days and, in passing, your boss says, "Well, we'll certainly have a lot to talk about." You try to put what he said out of your mind-what did he mean by that?-but it keeps coming back, and now you're a nervous wreck.

You're sitting in the airport, ready to board, and thoughts of every plane crash you've ever read about keep barging into your head. You try to shake them off, reminding yourself that plane travel is safer than driving a car, but it doesn't work.

You're going to the doctor next week to have that mark on your thigh looked at and you think it's probably nothing, but worst-case scenarios float into your head 24/7 and distracting yourself doesn't work. Why is that?

The answer is what Daniel Wegner calls "the ironic monitoring process"-your brain actually searches for whatever thought or emotion the individual is trying to suppress. Yes, your brain is actually nagging you.

In their initial experiments, Wegner and his colleagues instructed one group of participants not to think of a white bear while they performed other tasks. A second group was instructed to think of white bears and then not to think of them. Interestingly, the first group, which tried to keep the white bear at bay, thought about them more than once a minute! And the second group thought about them more when they were trying to suppress white-bear thoughts than when they were told to think about them.

In plain language: Trying to suppress an intrusive thought is akin to putting out a Welcome sign and inviting it to stay awhile. You may find this disconcerting-I certainly do, because I like to pretend I have complete control over my thoughts-but we probably just need to suck it up and face how much of what we think is really automatic and unconscious. (I'm not even going into unconscious "primes" and how they shape our thoughts.)

White bears, it turns out, aren't our only problem-there's also the way the brain deals with unfinished business.

You know how it goes: Instead of feeling content about all that you've accomplished, the thing you didn't do (or failed to finish) ends up dogging you all day and night. This is called the Zeigarnik effect, after the psychologist who discovered it in a series of experiments in 1927 and whose results have been replicated many times since. Zeigarnik and her colleagues instructed participants to assemble jigsaw puzzles until they finished but then deliberately interrupted some of them. Even though these people were given other tasks to complete so that they'd be distracted from the unfinished goal, they thought about the incomplete puzzle twice as often as anything else. Telling them not to think about it didn't help. Those who completed the puzzle, however, didn't think about it all-there was no need for their minds to remind because the task was complete.

The bottom line? The unconscious mind is a noodge, plain and simple.

The evolutionary advantage of this pushiness is pretty clear: The mind wants us to get done what needs to be done. Bag that caribou! Build that community! Alas, our brain is still doing it in the 21st century, and it's keeping some of us up at night.
What to Do About Your Nagging Brain
Research suggests a number of strategies-not yet scientifically proven-for getting rid of white bears and getting around the Zeigarnik effect:

1. Invite the white bear in. This suggestion comes from Daniel Wegner himself and while it seems counterintuitive, it does work: Make the intrusive thought intentional, thus bringing it into full consciousness. Say it out loud or write it down. If you're prone to rumination, talk out your intrusive thoughts with close friends (or a therapist).

2. Assign yourself a "worry time." Some people can manage troubling thoughts by worrying about them consciously. You can choose a time of day to tackle these thoughts or decide that 10 or 15 minutes of worrying is all you need. You may want to write your concerns down-seeing them in black and white will bolster your awareness-so you can begin to process what you can and need to do about them.

3. Immerse yourself in an activity. Plenty of research shows that simply distracting yourself won't stop intrusive thoughts but getting into "flow"-doing something which engages you so completely that you "lose" yourself in it -will. Any activity that you genuinely connect to-from knitting to playing the piano, practicing a sport or gardening or baking-will do it. Again, whatever you choose must have a high level of engagement so you are actively involved, not simply distracted. Watching television or multitasking to "take your mind off things" is doomed to failure.

4. Make a plan. Research on unfinished business by E.J. Masicampo and Roy Baumeister revealed that simply making a plan-without actually implementing it -could stop the Zeigarnik effect. The researchers had one group write about two tasks that needed to be completed soon, describe the consequences if the tasks were left unfinished, and assign the tasks a value on a scale of one to seven. The second group was given the same instructions, but required to come up with a plan to get those tasks done. A control group wrote about tasks that had been completed. Then, all three groups were given a portion of a novel to read and were tested on their comprehension.

Those who made a plan weren't distracted by intrusive thoughts and performed better on the comprehension tests. That's the good news. The bad news is that simply making a plan to get whatever is nagging you done won't reduce any of the angst or worry associated with unfulfilled goals, as further experimentation shows.

5. Do the work of getting it done. There's only one solution to completely reducing the anxiety and negative affect that accompanies important unfinished business: Complete the task.

I am guessing that, deep in your heart, you already knew that...
Copyright © Peg Streep 2014 VISIT ME ON FACEBOOK: www.Facebook.com/PegStreepAuthor READ MY NEW BOOK: Mastering the Art of Quitting: Why It Matters in Life, Love, and Work READ Mean Mothers: Overcoming the Legacy of Hurt Wegner, Daniel M. White Bears and Other Unwanted Thoughts. New York: The Guildford Press, 1994. Wegner, Daniel M. "Ironic Processes of Mental Control," Psychological Review, 101,no. 1 (1997). Wegner, Daniel M. David J. Scheider, Samuel R. Carter III, and Teri L. White, " Paradoxical Effects of Thought Suppression," Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 53, no. 1 (1987): 5-13. Wegner, Daniel M. "You Can't Always Think What You Want: Problems in the Suppression of Unwanted Thoughts," Advances in Experimental Psychology, 25 (1992), 193-225. Wegner, Daniel M. "Setting Free the Bears: Escape from Thought Suppression," American Psychologist (November, 2011): 671-670. Masicampo, E.J, and Roy F. Baumeister, "Consider It Done: Plan Making Can eliminate the Cognitive Effects of Unfulfilled Goals," Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (June, 2011), advance online publication. DOI:10.1037/90024192.

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Your Brain Is Nagging You. Here Are 5 Ways to Make It Stop.

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Your job review is scheduled in two days and, in passing, your boss says, "Well, we'll certainly have a lot to talk about." You try to put what he said out of your mind-what did he mean by that?-but it keeps coming back, and now you're a nervous wreck.

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In 1986 the psychology professor James Pennebaker discovered something extraordinary, something which would inspire a generation of researchers to conduct several hundred studies. He asked students to spend 15 minutes writing about the biggest trauma of their lives or, if they hadn't experienced a trauma, their most difficult time.

They were told to let go and to include their deepest thoughts, even if they had never shared these thoughts before. Four days running they did the same thing. It wasn't easy. Pennebaker told me that roughly one in 20 students would end up crying, but when asked whether they wanted to continue they always did. Meanwhile a control group spent the same number of sessions writing a description of something neutral such a tree or their dorm room.

Then he waited for six months while monitoring how often the students visited the health centre. The day he saw the results, he left the lab, walked to his friend who was waiting for him in a car and told him he'd found something big. Remarkably, the students who had written about their secret feelings had made significantly fewer trips to the doctor in the subsequent months.

Ever since, the field psychoneuroimmunology has been exploring the link between what's now known as expressive writing, and the functioning of the immune system. The studies that followed examined the effect of expressive writing on everything from asthma and arthritis to breast cancer and migraines. In a small study conducted in Kansas, for example, it was found that women with breast cancer experienced fewer troublesome symptoms and went for fewer cancer-related appointments in the months after doing expressive writing.

There is one area where the findings are more consistent and that is in the healing of wounds

The aim of the study wasn't to look at long-term cancer prognosis, and the authors are not suggesting the cancer would be affected. But in the short-term other aspects of the women's health did seem better than for those in the control group who wrote about the facts surrounding their cancer rather than their feelings about it.

But it doesn't always work. A meta-analysis by Joanne Fratarolli from the University of California Riverside does demonstrate an effect overall, but a small one. Nevertheless, for an intervention that is free and beneficial, that's a benefit worth having. Some studies have had disappointing results, but there is one area where the findings are more consistent and that is in the healing of wounds.

In these studies brave volunteers typically do some expressive writing, then some days later they are given a local anaesthetic and then a punch biopsy at the top of their inner arm. The wound is typically 4mm across and heals within a couple of weeks. This healing is monitored and again and again, and it happens faster if people have spent time beforehand writing down their secret thoughts.

What does the act of committing words to paper do? Initially it was assumed this simply happened through catharsis, that people felt better because they'd let out their pent-up feelings. But then Pennebaker began looking in detail at the language people used in their writing.

He found that the types of words people used changed over the course of the four sessions. Those whose wounds healed the fastest began by using the word "I" a lot, but in later sessions moved on to saying "he" or "she" more often, suggesting they were looking at the event from other perspectives. They also used words like "because", implying they were making sense of the events and putting them into a narrative. So Pennebaker believes that the simple act of labelling your feelings and putting them into a story is somehow affecting the immune system.

But there is a curious finding which suggests something else might be going on. Simply imagining a traumatic event and writing a story about it also makes wounds heal faster, so perhaps it's less to do with resolving past issues and more to do with finding a way of regulating your own emotions that makes a difference.

Writing about your feelings doesn't boost your immune system for life

After the first day of writing most people say that churning up the past has made them feel worse. Does the stress cause people to release stress hormones such as cortisol, which are beneficial in the short-term and could enhance the immune system? Or is it the improvement in mood after several days of writing that brings the benefits for immunity? So far, no one knows.

Whatever the mechanism, despite several decades of research showing it works, it's rarely used clinically. You could imagine a situation where people booked in for surgery are given expressive writing instructions in the preceding weeks, but very few studies have used clinical populations with real, surgical wounds, rather than giving healthy students artificially-induced wounds. Also, it works better for some people than others, all depending on how well they engage with the process. What's more, the effect is short-lived, so you'd have to get the timing just right. Writing about your feelings doesn't boost your immune system for life. If the same people are wounded again a few months after an initial study, they don't heal any faster than anyone else.

But now new research from New Zealand suggests it's not essential to do the writing before you are wounded. It can work just as well if you do the writing afterwards. This opens up the possibility of using expressive writing not just when surgery is planned, but for real-life injuries which of course we can't predict. Kavita Vedhara from the University of Nottingham and her team in New Zealand took 120 healthy volunteers, and made them write about either a distressing event or how they spent the previous day. They did this either before or after a punch biopsy on their upper arm. The people from the expressive writing group were six times more likely to have a wound that had healed within 10 days than the people in the control group.

We'd need to have more studies conducted with real life patients, but maybe one day when we've had an operation, we might be told to go home with instructions on expressive writing. As Kavita Vedhara told me in the BBC's Health Check, the effect is "short-lived, but powerful".
DisclaimerAll content within this column is provided for general information only, and should not be treated as a substitute for the medical advice of your own doctor or any other health care professional. The BBC is not responsible or liable for any diagnosis made by a user based on the content of this site. The BBC is not liable for the contents of any external internet sites listed, nor does it endorse any commercial product or service mentioned or advised on any of the sites. Always consult your own GP if you're in any way concerned about your health.
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The puzzling way that writing heals the body

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In 1986 the psychology professor James Pennebaker discovered something extraordinary, something which would inspire a generation of researchers to conduct several hundred studies. He asked students to spend 15 minutes writing about the biggest trauma of their lives or, if they hadn't experienced a trauma, their most difficult time.

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Is the word narcissism being over-used and thrown around lightly? Do we need a deeper understanding of narcissistic behavior and why it is harmful and even dangerous? Having studied this disorder for over 25 years, and in treating many victims of narcissists, I have seen firsthand how dangerous, harmful, and disarming the narcissist can be to others. There are certain traits of the narcissist that don't really matter so much, like the obvious boasting to cover up their fragile sense of self. But, when the behaviors hurt others and particularly children, it does matter. A lot.

It might even matter to the best interest of our country if we have a narcissistic leader. I'm not diagnosing, but in reading and learning more, you can make your own determination. I think it's important to break down narcissism from a clinical standpoint using the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders as a guide. ¹ This guide for mental health clinicians lists nine traits seen in the personality disorder of narcissism. Let's unpack with some examples.

1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance, e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements.

Okay, this one...not sure we really care? We know a lot of arrogant people and most of us realize that when people have a need to overstate themselves they are really covering up their own fragility. Confident and solid people with a good sense of self, achievement-oriented or not, don't feel a need to brag. The most interesting thing to me about this trait is the part about being recognized as superior without the achievement to back it up. This kind of thinking can be harmful to others when the narcissist says, "Look at me, I am better than you! I am bigger, and more powerful, and I may use it against you." Particularly in intimate relationships or parenting, this can be hurtful and damaging. Example: Jack believes he is more intelligent than his wife or any of his five children. Therefore, no matter what they accomplish or what viewpoints they share, Jack reminds them that they do not measure up and are "not good enough." He may say something like, "it's great that you are in track now, but when I was your age, I was running marathons."

2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.

Where is this hurtful? It's in the "preoccupied" part. This is the "all about me" and "you don't matter" way in which the narcissist thinks. They have to be on top, and win in all aspects. They value you in regards to how you can help them achieve this perfection, but if you rise above them, watch out! You can't outshine them or they will take you down notch by notch. Their "preoccupation" with image takes a lot of energy that causes problems in relationships. Example: Bob has to jog every morning to keep his perfectly fit body and there are no exceptions including when his wife or kids are sick and need help.

3. Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).

Frankly, understanding the significance of this one took some time. Again, it is easy to say, "who cares that they do this?" But, this thinking disregards the person and only represents the achievements of others. It is the mantra of the narcissist that you are valued for "what you do" and "not for who you are." I see this frequently in high conflict divorce cases where one partner is a narcissist. For example, when searching for a therapist for the children, the narcissist will value the high level credentials and prestigious academic background versus the actual ability and experience of the therapist. It is also common for narcissists to reveal the achievements of their friends rather than who they really are as people. You can see that this does not highlight an intimate connection, but rather assigns value as "my friend, the attorney, consultant, or doctor." Ask yourself with your own friends, why you value them? In healthy relationships, it is because of their wonderful character and personality traits, right?

4. Requires excessive admiration.

Everyone I have worked with in a clinical setting, who has either been raised by a narcissistic parent, or has been in a love relationship with a narcissist, says they are EXHAUSTED! Why? It's because the narcissist has an empty emotional vessel that needs to be refueled constantly with admiration and praise. If you are in a relationship with someone like this, you are constantly filling up their narcissistic supply needs. It not only gets old, but it is tiring. And...your needs don't get met. The relationship is not reciprocal. Give and take? Uh...no.

5. Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.

The entitlement of the narcissist is difficult to deal with because it leaves out the needs of anyone else. The narcissists' needs come first, no matter what. They feel they deserve that royal treatment and if you do not cooperate, what do they do? They take you down, make disparaging comments about you, try to hurt you, and withhold appreciation of you. This is a relationship killer! Do I need to say more?

6. Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends.

Once again, to the narcissist, the other person does not matter. It is only about what the person can do to help the narcissist in whatever endeavor they are pursuing. The narcissist thinks nothing of taking advantage of others to meet their own goals. It is a given. And this is a warning to you. If you feel this in a relationship you are in, take a second look. One is not loved or valued by a narcissist for who they are. Example: Mary typically only calls her friend Betty, a professional event planner, when she suddenly needs help with her garage sale or some other event.

7. Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.

The lack of empathy is really the cornerstone trait of narcissism. Without empathy, how can one love? How can one bond and attach to a child? The false acting of loving is possible but the narcissist cannot sustain it. Have you seen the person who seems to be empathetic and kind but as soon as things don't go their way, they turn on you? Or the friend who cannot tune into your feelings but rather turns the conversation to themselves? Example: The mother, when you tell her you are going through a divorce, is more concerned with how it looks to the family and the neighbors, rather than your painful feelings and despair. The most difficult thing about having a narcissistic parent or spouse is realizing their inability to love. It is simply a crushing moment when this awareness hits.

8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.

Because the narcissist has to see themselves as larger than life, they assume others will be jealous of them. But, what we see more, is their own envy of others who may outshine them in any way. How do they deal with their envy of others? They make concerted efforts to take others down in constant criticism, critical judgment, name-calling, gossiping, while at the same time pumping themselves up. Example: Linda, is jealous of her coworker, Samantha. Samantha is beautiful and also physically fit and slim. Because Linda struggles with her own weight issues, she starts a rumor in the office that Samantha is likely anorexic and unhealthy to attempt to take her down a notch.

9. Shows arrogance, haughty behaviors, or attitudes.

Again, this is the flashy cover-up for a fragile ego and low self-esteem. While it looks like narcissists' have a high opinion of themselves, they really are self-loathing and have a need to take others down to feel better. While arrogant people are hard to be around, this trait seems less bothersome, unless the narcissist is using it to hurt someone with their constant judgment of others.

It is important to understand that narcissism is a spectrum disorder ranging from a few traits to the full-blown narcissistic personality disorder. Everybody can display some of these behaviors at certain times of distress in their lives. It is when these character traits are consistent over time and are impairing relationships and hurting others that they become dangerous. When winning at all cost and needing to be better than others is at the central theme of one's character, danger is in the air.

Some additional traits seen in narcissists include the lack of accountability and therefore always blaming someone else, as well as projection of their own feelings onto others. Both of these are crazy making to the people around them. It causes crippling self-doubt and leaves the child, spouse, or friend on constant guard waiting for the next shoe to drop. The projections seem to come out of nowhere and are unpredictable because they are based on whatever is going on inside of the narcissist. There is a lack of impulse control and their own feelings get spewed out onto others. This is why we see such hypervigilance in victims of narcissists and a tendency to display many symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.

Is narcissism harmful and dangerous? Yes, it causes debilitating wounds that take years to unravel. Is a person with this disorder mentally stable and trustworthy? You tell me.

1. American Psychiatric Association, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th ed., text revision (Washington, D.C.: American Psychiatric Association, 2000), 717.
Additional Resources from the Author Websites: www.willieverbegoodenough.com http://www.karylmcbridephd.com/ Published Books + Audio Versions:
Will I Ever Be Free of You? How to Navigate a High-Conflict Divorce from a Narcissist, and Heal Your Family.

Will I Ever Be Free of You? How to Navigate a High-Conflict Divorce from a Narcissist, and Heal Your Family Audio Version
Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers.
Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers Audio Version
Workshops:
Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers Virtual Workshop. Work recovery in the privacy of your own home, complete with video presentations and homework assignments.

Therapist Training for Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. Share the 5-Step recovery model with your clients.
Intensives:
Small group therapy intensives. Two summer sessions scheduled!

Daughter & Son weekend intensives. One on one sessions with Dr. Karyl McBride.
Social Media: Take A Survey: Do You Have A Narcissistic Mother?
Are You in a Relationship with a Narcissist?
Do You Have a Narcissistic Parent?

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Is the word narcissism being over-used and thrown around lightly? Do we need a deeper understanding of narcissistic behavior and why it is harmful and even dangerous? Having studied this disorder for over 25 years, and in treating many victims of narcissists, I have seen firsthand how dangerous, harmful, and disarming the narcissist can be to others.

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BrightSide - Inspiration. Creativity. Wonder.

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While a certain amount of stress in our lives is normal and even necessary, excessive stress can interfere with normal daily activities and take a toll on our personal lives and health.

Today we at Bright Side invite you to try an ancient Japanese technique of self-relaxation that will not take you more than 5 minutes and can be done just about anywhere.

To practice the technique, it is important to understand that each of the fingers of our hand represents a different feeling or attitude.

Here is the method

To harmonize the life energy in the body, grasp the finger with the opposite hand, wrapping all the fingers and thumb around it. Hold each finger for one to two minutes. You will know it's working when a pulsating sensation is felt.

To calm your mind, apply slight pressure in the center of the palm with the thumb of the opposite hand and hold for at least one minute

Practice this technique every day to stay calm and re-establish the balance within yourself.

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It Takes 5 Minutes to Relieve Stress With This Japanese Technique

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While a certain amount of stress in our lives is normal and even necessary, excessive stress can interfere with normal daily activities and take a toll on our personal lives and health. Today we at Bright Side invite you to try an ancient Japanese technique of self-relaxation that will not take you more than 5 minutes and can be done just about anywhere.

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MISUSE

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Serious concerns have been raised recently regarding the widespread misuse of the hot new term " epigenetics," particularly by self-proclaimed gurus or, if you prefer, " legion purveyors of flapdoodle." Some claim that, with the power of your mind, you can epigenetically cure or develop cancer, that positive thoughts can actually relax and lengthen DNA strands, or that happiness sits in reserves on your DNA eagerly waiting to spring to life at the command of your beliefs, emotions, and behavior! In general, it happens quite often - a science buzzword finds its way into the media spotlight and soon its meaning is lost in the static of its exploitation. "Quantum", for instance, has captured the attention of many. As Adam Rutherford pointed out in his article Beware the Pseudo Gene Genies, catchy and scientifically intriguing words have been tacked on to mystical quackery and the like, forming phrases such as "quantum healing" in order to create a veil of scientific credibility as thin as the slits in the double-slit experiment. Even words such as "neuro" or "nano" are often found lending a hand in conjuring up pseudoscientific nonsense.

But epigenetics isn't - and shouldn't be associated with - such nonsense. This field is very real. Perhaps there are grains of truth to these exaggerations waiting to be explored, if one is keen enough to wade through the overshadowing mysticism and unearth the subtle modicum of epigenetic potential that may lie beneath. Could there be a transient epigenetic effect of meditation which, if sustained over time in conjunction with other treatment, might improve the likelihood of recovering from cancer? Perhaps. But possible truths like these are often garnished with radical absurdities, absurdities that claim you can literally "bend reality" with your mind to reverse your sickness or diet your way to a cure for cancer. The nuances of epigenetics seem near impossible to pinpoint amidst these outlandish assertions.

What intrigues many people about the study of epigenetics is the idea that environmental aspects or an individual's lifestyle may influence these chemical tags and, therefore, impact how our genes express themselves.

So what do we know about epigenetics, an emerging field exploding in popularity and fueling profound speculation even if just in its infancy? Epigenetics explores chemical tags on DNA that have the ability to turn genes on or off. We've known that transcription factors, or proteins that bind to DNA and influence gene expression, and specific RNA molecules are crucial, well-established epigenetic machinery that should not be overlooked. We've known that certain chemical tags, such as DNA methylation, occur naturally and are implicated in numerous biological processes, such as aging or stem cell differentiation. But if the process goes awry, undesirable health consequences could occur. Various epigenetic mechanisms have been uncovered over the years, including DNA methylation, DNA hydroxymethylation, and histone modifications like acetylation, phosphorylation, and sumoylation, which play a part in controlling the expression of genes.

What intrigues many people about the study of epigenetics is the idea that environmental aspects or an individual's lifestyle may influence these chemical tags and, therefore, impact how our genes express themselves. Not getting enough sleep? Eating sugary foods? Stressed out? In several studies, these factors have been linked to changes in epigenetic patterns, such as DNA methylation, which could impact our health and other crucial biological processes. Some studies, for example, have demonstrated that transient changes can occur to the methylation of clock genes, which regulate the body's circadian rhythm, after just one night of sleep loss. Other studies have shown that certain genes are significantly methylated in tumor cells but not in normal cells, suggesting that epigenetics may play a role in tumorigenesis and cancer development. Now, epigenetic drugs like DNMT inhibitors are being developed to treat different types of cancer.

Perhaps even more intriguing is the discovery that certain epigenetic marks may be maintained and passed on through generations, known as transgenerational epigenetic inheritance. If your father suffers through a period of poor nutrition before you're born, could it be passed down in your genes and affect your health, your children's genes and their health, and so on? If he consumes alcohol before you're conceived, could it impact your sensitivity and preference for alcohol later in life? These and similar questions are being investigated in humans and various animal models, but the results are interpreted with appropriate apprehension. The inheritance of these epigenetic tags varies between daughters and sons and can depend on whether the mother or father passes them down. Ultimately, the inconsistent evidence indicates to us that the molecular mechanisms by which these tags are inherited have yet to be understood. Currently, the evidence points to more questions than answers.

For instance, why is it that the amount of food available to a paternal grandfather seems to affect the mortality risk ratio of his grandsons but not his granddaughters? Or why is it that the food supply of a paternal grandmother is only associated with the mortality risk ratio of her granddaughters? Pressing even further, why would a reduced risk of cardiovascular death be linked to a mother's good food supply but also to a father's poor food supply? Right now, we just don't know the answers to these and similarly complex epigenetic questions.

As detailed in the seven plagues of epigenetic epidemiology, we do know that we can't ignore the inconsistencies in epigenetic research. Even methodological issues arise as scientists rely on imperfect technology, attempt to compare results from studies that use different platforms, and analyze tricky methylomes that vary between heterogeneous tissues and cells. Overall, the somewhat jumbled evidence and lack of an overarching consensus - even when it comes to the very definition of epigenetics - leaves doors wide open for its effortless exploitation by others.

The idea that we can epigenetically control our illnesses with thoughts alone is a particularly jarring example of epigenetics-based quackery. Pseudoscience culprits claim that "your mind can create, or cure, disease." In an online article, the author explains, "A classic example is a woman who believes she will get breast cancer because her mother had it. Well, if you believe it for long enough, your body will make sure that it comes true." The article, which includes a video on epigenetics that has been viewed over 170,000 times (with comments suspiciously disabled), suggests that your mind alone has the ability to regulate the expression of oncogenes, that thoughts can determine whether tumor growth is suppressed or not, that "your mind, your beliefs - not defective genes - create a ripple effect that turns on cancer cells." Using epigenetics as a basis for thinking away your cancer can come with severe consequences.

We know that gene expression is a complex process influenced by numerous factors, many of which we are just recently discovering, but there are currently no scientific articles exploring the ability of thought processes to directly impact gene expression via epigenetic mechanisms. I'm referring to published scientific research grounded in validity, reliability, and replicability, not some quack write-up that ignores the importance of controls or fails to acknowledge any of its (numerous) limitations.

Now, it may be possible that positive thinking, through some physiological byproducts that, let's say, reduce stress or lower blood pressure levels, could impact gene expression over a long period of time which may decrease the chance of developing disease. In one study, for example, researchers measured telomere length in recovering breast cancer patients who participated in mindfulness-based cancer recovery, supportive-expressive group therapy, or minimal treatment. Telomeres, implicated in epigenetics, are the protective end caps on chromosomes. Shorter telomeres have been linked to tumor growth and disruptive changes in gene expression. The researchers found that those who participated in the mindfulness-based therapy maintained their telomere length, as did those in the supportive-expressive group therapy. A trend of decreased telomere length was found in those in the control group. This might suggest an effect of mindfulness thinking or other therapies on the reduction of tumor growth via telomere length maintenance. However, the overall lack of statistical significance and observation of preliminary trends demonstrates the potential for further exploration and certainly does not guarantee that positive thinking will cure cancer.

Experiments like these should be seen as stepping stones to larger studies to further investigate any possible epigenetic mechanisms that might arise from, for instance, positive thinking or mindfulness therapies. Their results may bolster the intrigue of epigenetics and its potential, but they should not be used as "proof" to advance quack agendas or advise others' major lifestyle changes, lest the consequences lead to a tragic case of death by quackery.

The purveyors of misinformation seem to fail to consider the interplay of behavior and molecular alterations over periods of time. They paint a glorious picture of epigenetics as the Holy Grail, the fountain of youth, the immediate answer to what many previously thought to be irreversible genetic destiny. But advising others despite a lack of solid evidence is a dangerous, irresponsible, and scientifically unsound route to pursue.

The question now is how confidently and how far can we draw the conclusions outlined in various epigenetic publications? And, perhaps more importantly, how will the presentation of this information impact others? Gross exaggerations have no place in science; creatively speculating where it could take us, while staying in line with what the scientific data present to us, gives hope to maintain the integrity of the field. Avoiding the distortion or embellishment of the evidence is of utmost importance so as not to misguide the public. With nearly all scientists pressing for further research on the underlying molecular mechanisms, we should be wary of using the term epigenetics loosely and assuming we have actionable information from animal or association studies, especially without a disclaimer or acknowledgement of the vast mysteries that still surround the field (and likely will for some time). Certainly, we should be wary of individuals asserting that simply changing your diet or your thoughts could epigenetically ensure the prevention of breast cancer.

Because certain "sciencey" terms like epigenetics may be unfamiliar to most folk, their meaning can be easily lost in translation. A prime example is the popular DHMO hoax that called for a ban on the ubiquitous chemical "dihydrogen monoxide" after warnings of its terrifying ability to spread pesticides, cause severe burns, and even cause death. Convincingly-spun stories sprinkled with a bit of jargon can fall on ears of the scientifically illiterate, instilling misplaced fear and persuading many unsuspecting individuals to behave in ways that, in hindsight, can seem rather unfounded. Dihydrogen monoxide is water, after all.

In the same vein, it is imperative to present information reliably and accurately to the public without misleading those who may not be as up-to-date on the scientific details of a field like epigenetics. Social media and similar online outlets are notorious for spreading misinformation. Many rely on "clickbait" to entice readers as opposed to scientific substance, as the promise of exposure is too tempting to avoid for those who wish to spread hype and have no issue disregarding science. Fortunately, the scientific community seems to be pushing back against the assumptions many reporters, "experts", and others are making about epigenetics. They are refusing to allow oversimplifications and evidence stripped of its context to provide the public with a basis to blame mothers for a child's poor health or give rise to Lamarck's revenge.

Peeling back the outer layers of mystical nonsense and digging down to that innermost little nugget of epigenetic possibility is a difficult task.

Just as there may be hidden gems of scientific inquiry nestled somewhere within these exaggerated claims, we may also find some benefit to how widespread this flimflam truly is. Increasing awareness of this up-and-coming field through the proliferation of epigenetic-related articles can pave the way for the future success of epigenetic research and public acceptance. If it's not entirely shrouded in nonsensical inferences, exposing epigenetics to the public may help advance research and sustain interest in the field over time. Thinking economically in the research community, it might even increase the likelihood of receiving grants for research on the new "hot" topic of epigenetics. But how can you gain any sort of valuable information or pluck the underlying epigenetic thread of truth from this swirling accumulation of misleading refuse?

Peeling back the outer layers of mystical nonsense and digging down to that innermost little nugget of epigenetic possibility is a difficult task. It's difficult for those with a strong scientific background, let alone a layperson. For those looking to distinguish between quackery and science, it can help to review the scientific article from which the article-in-question cites (assuming it cites a scientific paper at all). If you were able to find the article, perusing the methods may be a good place to start to get a feel for the soundness of the study, or the rigor of the scientific method. Have other studies cited this one? This can be a decent metric for assessing the validity of the claims, though it is never a guarantee. An individual's background or experience in the field can also help to gauge how reliable the information may be. Ultimately, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. If we could really will our bodies to be free of cancer, then couldn't we will our bodies to stay young? Approaching these articles with some skepticism and attempting to read the actual research article may help you wade through the nonsense. When approaching these articles, one way to orient yourself is to keep in mind how much further epigenetic research must advance, the methodological limitations that may exist, and the relative newness of the field and its transforming definition. A mindset of curious skepticism should be a standard lens through which these articles are interpreted.

Clearly, the field will continue to advance. As researchers work to uncover the countless mysteries of epigenetics and the fascinating orchestration of molecular events within us, we need to cautiously protect the integrity of the field while appreciating the possibilities it may hold for the future.
What do you think about the use of the term 'epigenetics' and its implications for the future? Tell us in the comments below!

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Epigenetics: Avoiding the Pull of Pseudoscientific Nonsense - What is Epigenetics?

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Serious concerns have been raised recently regarding the widespread misuse of the hot new term "epigenetics," particularly by self-proclaimed gurus or, if you prefer, "legion purveyors of flapdoodle."

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Many of us have made self-deprecation such a habit. We can't take a compliment and we make ourselves feel guilty about indulgences. But why are we so willing to put ourselves down? We need to take back ownership of our actions and choices and stop feeling like we have to justify them. We also shouldn't have to change who we are just because of what the majority says. So stop shaming yourself over these 11 things:

1. Your body: We all have insecurities, but your weight or your appearance is never a reason to put yourself down. Learning to love yourself isn't an easy journey, but it is a necessary one. Embrace your flaws and imperfections rather than hating yourself for them.

2. Being single: Don't have an SO you can gush about on social media? Who cares? Take full advantage of this time to invest in yourself instead of feeling bad about being alone. You get to be selfish for a while!

3. Your past: First of all, accept that your past is completely out of your control. Beating yourself up for what happened or who you used to be won't do you any good, and if you're that resentful, be proactive about bettering yourself now instead of dwelling on something you can't change.

4. Not fitting society's standards: F*ck society. Don't listen to what everyone else says you should do or who you should be. As long as you're happy and not affecting others negatively, it shouldn't matter whether or not you don't meet a specific "criteria." Some of the most successful people wouldn't be where they are today had they followed the status quo.

5. Taking time off for yourself: There's nothing wrong with being a workaholic, but there's also nothing wrong with giving yourself a break. You should never feel guilty about needing some rest and relaxation because you'll only return more productive and refreshed. There's a difference between slacking off and self-care.

6. Your sexual history: The number of partners or previous experiences you've had is not a reflection of who you are as a person. Again, it's something you can't change, so there's no reason to punish yourself for it.

7. Being different: Embrace your unique qualities as something that separates you from the rest in a positive way. You should never feel ashamed about your differences. In fact, you should see them as a benefit, because they make you more interesting!

8. Your food choices: Especially now that health and athleisure have become so trendy, it's hard not to feel guilty about that extra cupcake. It's great that you want to take better care of your body, but you shouldn't have to justify eating certain foods to yourself. It's all about moderation, so don't make food shaming a habit.

9. Needing help: As admirable it is to be able to take on everything by yourself, there's no shame in asking for help. Whether it's for your mental health, taking care of the kids, or something at work, speak up if you feel like you're drowning. No one will look down on you for reaching out.

10. Treating yourself: "Treat yo self" has almost become a joke now when it comes to overindulging. But everyone deserves a little something every now and then. If you've been working hard, it's OK to take yourself shopping (within your means) or to book that vacation you've been wanting to go on. You shouldn't feel guilty about rewarding yourself.

11. Making yourself a priority: As long as you're not neglecting all your other responsibilities and loved ones, it's perfectly acceptable (and encouraged!) to put yourself at the forefront. Whether it's along the lines of self-care or your career, you should never feel selfish for wanting the best for you.

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You Need to Stop Shaming Yourself Over These 11 Things

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Many of us have made self-deprecation such a habit. We can't take a compliment and we make ourselves feel guilty about indulgences. But why are we so willing to put ourselves down? We need to take back ownership of our actions and choices and stop feeling like we have to justify them.

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Main Text

Despite marked day-to-day fluctuations in food intake and physical activity, most healthy adult mammals maintain a steady body weight over many years. This indicates that cumulative energy intake is normally matched with great precision to energy expenditure. It has long been proposed that homeostatic regulators control energy balance. In the mid 20th century, Gordon Kennedy was the first to propose that circulating signals generated in proportion to body fat stores influenced food intake and energy expenditure in a coordinated manner to regulate body weight ( Kennedy, 1953). A series of contemporaneous experiments in which regions of the hypothalamus were physically ablated in rats showed that the hypothalamus was critical in this regulation ( King, 2006). For example, damage to the ventromedial hypothalamus caused hyperphagia (eating in excess) and obesity whereas destruction of the lateral hypothalamus resulted in profound anorexia and weight loss. It was shown that circulating substances were capable of regulating food intake in parabiosis experiments (the surgical union of two animals allowing exchange of blood). Rats with lesions to the ventromedial hypothalamus parabiosed to normal animals remained hyperphagic and obese whereas the parabiosed partner ate less and lost weight. These experiments were the first to provide substantive evidence that a blood-borne satiety factor that was produced in obese animals required an intact hypothalamus for its activity.

Despite the robustness of these physiological observations it took more than 40 years before the molecules involved in such homeostatic control were identified. In the past decade the body of knowledge has grown rapidly and has resulted in a sea change in our understanding of the physiological processes that control food intake. We now know that a number of circulating peptides and steroids that are produced in the body can have a substantial influence on appetitive behavior through their actions on the hypothalamus, the brain stem, or afferent autonomic nerves. These hormones come from at least three sites: fat cells, the gastrointestinal tract, and the endocrine pancreas.

Leptin

Progress toward identifying a circulating compound regulating satiation came from studying two naturally occurring obese mouse models, obese ( ob/ ob) and diabetic ( db/ db). Parabiosis experiments revealed ob/ ob mice were deficient in a circulating satiety factor, whereas db/ db mice produced the factor in excess but lacked the ability to respond to it (see Friedman and Halaas, 1998). ob/ ob mice were shown to harbor a loss-of-function mutation in the gene encoding a secreted peptide, named leptin, that is produced largely, possibly exclusively, in adipose tissue ( Zhang et al., 1994). Circulating concentrations of leptin appeared to mirror fat cell stores-increasing with overfeeding and decreasing with starvation. Leptin administration to obese leptin-deficient animals reversed their hyperphagia, hypothermia, decreased locomotor activity, and all neuroendocrine and immunological abnormalities ( Friedman and Halaas, 1998). Humans genetically lacking leptin are also hyperphagic and severely obese and respond dramatically to leptin administration ( Friedman and Halaas, 1998). Administration of leptin to fasted mice abrogates many of the neuroendocrine consequences of starvation, suggesting that the normal biological role of leptin may be to aid the organism in monitoring transitions between adequately nourished and starved states ( Friedman and Halaas, 1998).

The db/ db phenotype is due to mutations in the receptor for leptin (OB-R), a class 1 cytokine receptor. A variety of homozygous and compound heterozygous loss-of-function mutations in the leptin receptor have also been found in severely obese humans ( Farooqi et al., 2007). There are at least six isoforms of the leptin receptor (OB-Ra-f), primarily as a consequence of alternate splicing. The main signaling isoform (and longest) is Ob-Rb. It is highly expressed in the hypothalamus and on immune cells and signals via the JAK-STAT pathway. Although the shorter forms of the receptor are more widely expressed than OB-Rb, their precise functions are unknown.

Direct administration of leptin into the central nervous system (CNS) of ob/ ob mice in doses that do not result in detectable levels in the periphery completely reverses the body weight and metabolic phenotype ( Friedman and Halaas, 1998), emphasizing the importance of these central leptin receptors in most actions of leptin. Although leptin is effective at reducing food intake and body fat in leptin-deficient and normal rodents, it is relatively ineffective in doing so in mice with diet-induced obesity. This is in accord with the observations that in human populations plasma leptin is positively correlated with fat mass; leptin administration to obese humans only has a modest and variable effect on body weight. These observations have led to the concept that "leptin resistance" may underlie the failure to regulate energy stores as seen in common forms of obesity. Although leptin has not become the panacea for obesity that was once hoped, it has undoubted actual and potential clinical utility. It is life-saving in humans with congenital leptin deficiency ( Farooqi et al., 2002), has dramatic effects on the metabolic state of patients with lipodystrophy (a metabolic disorder characterized by selective loss of body fat and low leptin levels) ( Oral et al., 2002), and shows promise as a therapeutic/diagnostic agent for weight-related reproductive disorders ( Welt et al., 2004). Finally, up to 10% of obese people have relatively low leptin levels. Therapeutic trials of leptin supplementation in these individuals are overdue when, in combination with other agents, such therapy might be well suited to prevent weight regain after weight loss.

The critical importance of leptin in the control of energy homeostasis has been clearly established. However multiple intriguing questions remain. How and where does leptin act in the brain to regulate food intake and metabolism? What molecular mechanisms underlie leptin resistance? How is leptin secretion regulated? And what determines the large variation in leptin levels among individuals?

Further Downstream of Leptin

Developmental Effects of Leptin

Recent data have elegantly described how leptin can potently influence neuronal growth and development. By studying the electrophysiological activity in neurons from ob/ ob mice, it was shown that leptin deficiency markedly changes synaptic inputs to arcuate neurons, increasing excitatory inputs on NPY/AgRP neurons but decreasing excitatory inputs to POMC neurons ( Pinto et al., 2004). Critically, within hours of administration to ob/ ob mice, leptin was able to reverse these effects, thereby demonstrating it to be a crucial regulator of synaptic plasticity. Leptin appears also to be a neurotrophic growth factor during hypothalamic development ( Bouret et al., 2004) with leptin deficiency severely reducing the density of innervations from the arcuate nucleus to the paraventricular nucleus, lateral hypothalamus, and dorsomedial nucleus-all regions implicated in the control of energy balance. Leptin replacement in adult life appears ineffective in reversing this axonal pattern, but, in sharp contrast, replacement in early postnatal life (a time when a surge in plasma leptin levels in rodents has long been recognized) can restore the density of innervations to second-order neurons to that of wild-type mice. This raises interesting questions as to whether there is a critical period of leptin-dependent hypothalamic development in the early neonatal period that may have major ramifications for energy balance later in life. If true, this "altered wiring" could, in part, explain the profound, early-onset obesity seen in leptin-deficient children.

However, the fact that leptin replacement therapy in leptin-deficient adults with established morbid obesity results in profound weight loss ( Licinio et al., 2004) means that even if a hypothalamic signaling system developed entirely in the absence of leptin, the ability to respond in a physiological manner to leptin is retained. Further, studies using the neurocytokine ciliary neurotrophic factor (CNTF) suggest that a previously unappreciated degree of neuroproliferative potential continues into adult life ( Kokoeva et al., 2005). CNTF has the remarkable ability to induce weight loss that persists after the cessation of treatment. CNTF induces cell proliferation in feeding centers within the hypothalamus, with many of the newborn cells behaving like neuronal cells known to be critical in energy balance.

Mechanisms of Leptin Resistance

In the majority of cases of obesity, despite both an intact leptin receptor and high circulating levels, leptin fails to bring about weight loss. This diminished response to the anorexigenic effects of leptin is referred to as "leptin resistance." What may be the potential mechanisms underlying this resistance?

A failure of circulating leptin to reach its target receptor within the brain appears to be one mechanism at work in rodents with diet-induced obesity, a classic model of leptin resistance. In contrast, leptin resistance in aged rats may result from decreased expression of the leptin receptor within hypothalamic neurons (see Bates and Myers, 2003; Flier, 2004). However, a hypothesis that has received recent attention is that leptin resistance may be due to an attenuation of the intracellular leptin signaling cascade. Suppressor of cytokine signaling-3 (Socs-3) is an intracellular protein that negatively regulates the action of various cytokine receptors. It is now recognized to act to limit leptin signaling and therefore is a potential mediator of leptin resistance. Indeed, although complete lack of Socs-3 is embryonic lethal, mice with only one functional copy of Socs-3 or those with neuronal deletion of Socs-3 are lean and leptin sensitive ( Howard et al., 2004; Kievit et al., 2006; Mori et al., 2004). Kievit et al. further highlighted the key role Socs-3 plays in leptin signaling by demonstrating that selective deletion of Socs-3 from POMC-expressing neurons alone also results in enhanced leptin sensitivity and resistance to weight gain on a high-fat diet. Finally, recent data that demonstrate that mice with a neuron-specific lack of the tyrosine phosphatase PTP1B are rendered hypersensitive to leptin point to this molecule having an important role in the development of leptin resistance ( Bence et al., 2006).

Leptin resistance remains enigmatic. In part this is because of the inaccessibility of the relevant leptin-resistant neurons in humans and the difficulty of isolating unique neuronal subpopulations in a mass of other neurons presumably not involved in leptin action. In contrast to the history of insulin resistance when the characterization of the insulin receptor, combined with accessibility of insulin's target tissues, rapidly permitted the classification of insulin-resistant states as "pre-receptor," "receptor-related," or "post-receptor," it is still extremely difficult to confidently classify leptin-resistant humans or rodents in this manner.

What Regulates Leptin Secretion?

The adipocyte is not a classical endocrine cell and leptin is not stored in typical endocrine secretory granules. The amount of leptin produced by an adipocyte appears to be regulated at the transcriptional level but also at the levels of translation, storage, turnover, and secretion ( Lee and Fried, 2006). Leptin levels do show some diurnal variation, but this appears to be entrained by meal times in rodents. Insulin and glucocorticoids positively regulate leptin production whereas agents that increase cAMP levels in the adipocyte, such as β adrenergic agonists, suppress leptin production ( Ricci et al., 2005). The marked sexual dimorphism in plasma levels (much higher in females than males) is, at least in part, explained by a suppressive effect of androgens on leptin production. The precise mechanisms whereby increased fat stores are signaled to the adipose tissue mass to produce more leptin remains mysterious, and progress has been impeded by very low levels of leptin made in the otherwise very useful adipocyte cell lines in which much adipocyte cell biology has been established.

Other Signals from Adipocytes

The Gastrointestinal Tract

The Endocrine Pancreas

Other Sites

Circulating levels of glucocorticoids derived from the adrenal gland are able to profoundly affect appetite ( Dallman et al., 2004). Anorexia is a feature of the cortisol deficiency seen in primary adrenal failure, whereas an excess of glucocorticoids can cause hyperphagia. Glucocorticoids also have a significant impact upon the melanocortin system. Adrenalectomy reverses the obese phenotype in leptin-deficient ob/ ob mice and by normalizing both the increase in AgRP expression and the decrease in POMC expression found in ob/ ob mice restores hypothalamic melanocortin tone ( Makimura et al., 2000). In addition, the orexigenic effect of the melanocortin antagonist AgRP is absent in adrenalectomized rats but restored with supplementation of glucocorticoids ( Drazen et al., 2003).

Steroid hormones derived from the gonads have also been implicated in the modulation of eating behavior. Exciting recent data have shown that estradiol can reduce body weight by increasing excitatory synapses upon POMC soma. This increase in POMC neuronal activity results in both a reduction in energy intake and an increase in energy expenditure ( Gao et al., 2007).

Thyroid hormones can influence feeding behavior, as tri-iodothyronine (T3), acting in the CNS, is able to increase food intake ( Kong et al., 2004). However, this must be tempered by the fact that T3 induces a marked increase in basal metabolic rate, and thus any increase in food intake may be a compensatory response to this increase in energy expenditure.

Hepatocyte-derived C-reactive protein (CRP) has been correlated with adiposity and levels of plasma leptin. Chen et al. (2006) have reported that CRP binds leptin, that this interaction attenuates leptin action in vivo, and that leptin stimulates CRP production from hepatocytes. This suggests a possible vicious cycle in which the stimulation of CRP production by leptin leads to the production of greater quantities of a leptin antagonist, thereby being a potential mechanism contributing to leptin resistance seen in obese subjects. However, the relationship between CRP and leptin remains uncertain. For example, we have recently found that when leptin-naïve children with congenital leptin deficiency are treated with leptin there is no change in circulating CRP concentrations ( Farooqi and O'Rahilly, 2007), and we have been unable to find any antagonism of leptin actions in mice co-treated with leptin and a 6-fold molar excess of highly purified CRP ( Hutchinson et al., 2007).

Summary

The genetic evidence for a critical role of leptin and its downstream anorexigenic pathways in the control of food intake is extremely strong and highly suggestive of a system with little redundancy. The severe and continued hyperphagia seen in rodents and humans when the leptin signaling system is disrupted, which persists in the face of extreme expansion of the adipose tissue mass, suggests that other adipocyte-derived signals play at most a subsidiary role in adipostatic control of food intake.

In contrast, the evidence for one particular gut-derived peptide having such a singular role in appetitive control is weaker, suggestive of a system in which there is a high degree of redundancy. However, this does not exclude a physiological role for such peptides. Instead, it suggests the presence of an integrated system in which adipocyte-derived signals provide tonic, long-term information to the brain about the state of nutrient stores, whereas a variety of signals triggered by ingestive status have important roles in influencing meal initiation and termination. Future experiments directed toward the simultaneous ablation of multiple putatively anorectic gut- and pancreas-derived peptides should help clarify the impact of the gut-brain axis in meal termination and initiation.

An improved understanding of the normal physiology of energy homeostasis and the endocrine control of food intake will have profound implications for the development of effective therapeutic and preventive strategies for human obesity. Contrary to popular misconception, obesity is not a new disease that has suddenly appeared as a result of a toxic environment. Human populations have always consisted of individuals with a broad range of adiposity, with those at the top end of the distribution suffering adverse health consequences. Recent changes in the availability and cost of palatable energy-dense food and the reduction in physical activity during work and recreation have undoubtedly contributed to an overall upward shift in the adiposity of entire populations. However, even in communities with substantial obesity there is still a high proportion of subjects who are lean. The heritability of adiposity is very high, and the most parsimonious explanation is that genetically based variation in the homeostatic pathways controlling energy balance determines the interindividual differences in susceptibility or resistance to an environment that fosters obesity. Such a model does not exclude the fact that body weight can be altered by voluntary efforts of human will but adds the important rider that the ease with which this can be achieved differs markedly between people and suggests that those differences are likely to be based on the variable intensity of inherent biological drives, not "moral fiber." This conceptual approach to the undoubted health problem of obesity should encourage biomedical scientists to, as Friedman has put it, "make war on obesity, not the obese" ( Friedman, 2003).

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Despite marked day-to-day fluctuations in food intake and physical activity, most healthy adult mammals maintain a steady body weight over many years. This indicates that cumulative energy intake is normally matched with great precision to energy expenditure. It has long been proposed that homeostatic regulators control energy balance.

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Reward, dopamine and the control of food intake: implications for obesity

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The ability to resist the urge to eat requires the proper functioning of neuronal circuits involved in top-down control to oppose the conditioned responses that predict reward from eating the food and the desire to eat the food. Imaging studies show that…

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Links between WD and dementias

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Effect of weight loss on hormones

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Intuitive Eating: Make Peace with Food, Mind & Body Evelyn Tribole, MS, RD

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Evelyn Tribole, MS, RD, co-author of Intuitive Eating describes how to make peace with eating via evidence-based research and the principles of Intuitive Eating. This presentation was given at the University of Northern Iowa.

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"It's still hard explaining what it was like to people who didn't experience it. I think most people think I'm exaggerating. I've gotten to used to it, over time, but it still stings and recovery is mostly a lonely process.." Adele, age 42
"I have ghost images of my mother, most usually when I want a woman to like me, hire me, or include me in her circle. Nothing I ever did pleased my mother and it made me feel nothing I did was ever good enough. I still feel that way when I seek a woman's approval."
Sarah, age 56 In the years since I wrote Mean Mothers, I've talked to many women about the process of healing from the wounds of childhood. As a layperson who's been on this journey herself-and who's sought professional help-my understanding has been enriched by two important insights. The first is from A General Theory of Love written by Thomas Lewis, Fari Amini, and Richard Lannon. In simple terms, they explain that lack of love has both neurological and psychological consequences: " Love, and the lack of it, change the young brain forever....as we now know, most of the nervous system (including the limbic brain) needs exposure to crucial experiences to drive its growth... The lack of an attuned mother is a nonevent for a reptile and shattering injury to the complex and fragile limbic brain of a mammal."
The second is from Deborah Tannen's book, You're Wearing that?Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation

"This, in the end, may be the crux of a parent's power over a child: not only to create the world the child lives in but also to dictate how that world is to be interpreted."

For me, these two insights in combination-the rather literal shaping of the brain in response to the conditions of an individual's childhood and the super-sized influence a mother has on a daughter's understanding of how the world works-capture why recovery can be so elusive.

The unloved daughter's responses, both automatic and conscious, are different in kind from those of a daughter who has an attuned and loving mother. The unloved daughter grows up not trusting her own experience of events and interactions; she may be confused by the very nature of emotional interactions and her neediness-caused by the shattering injury to which Lewis and his co-authors refer-may make it impossible for her to navigate boundaries in relationships. Often, when she challenges her mother, she will be told that she's wrong, or too sensitive, or, even more destructively, that what she's talking about didn't happen. These events create an internal wellspring of doubt which often yields to an incorrect but seemingly inevitable conclusion: "My mother doesn't love me because I am unlovable. It's my fault."

The lack of love and approval leaves a daughter desperate for both. It's not surprising that the quest to fill that metaphorical hole in the heart-an expression I have heard many times over and have used myself-can include both destructive and constructive behaviors. Alas, the journey to recovery may be even more complicated for the daughter who seeks comfort in behaviors that ultimately are dangerous blind alleys.

I'll detail the blind alleys first and then proceed to what I'll call the clear paths.
Blind Alleys 1. Unhealthy relationship to food
In most households, it's the mother who's in charge of food-both its preparation and serving-which, when a mother is unloving or manipulative, makes eating a potential locus for control. In her groundbreaking book, The Hungry Self. Kim Chernin detailed and explored the primal connections between food and female identity, as well as mothering and emotional hunger. These connections are both subtle and obvious. In response, a daughter may seize on eating or not eating as something she can control, as a way of countermanding her mother's vision of the world or her place in it. Some daughters will develop clinically disordered eating while others will simply carry their complicated relationships with food and its connection to self-image into adulthood. In her book. When Food is Love, Geneen Roth (the daughter of a physically abusive mother and an emotionally distant father) explains that disordered eating may be an act of self-protection, a way of armoring the self against pain.

Recent studies exploring the connection between insecure childhood attachment and disordered eating more closely have made some interesting discoveries. For example, Jenna Elgin and Mary Pritchard found that while it was true enough that secure attachment was negatively correlated with disordered eating, not every type of insecure attachment was positively correlated. Only the fearful attachment style (which includes both a negative view of self and a negative view of others) was positively correlated with bulimia but neither the dismissive or preoccupied styles were associated with disordered eating.
2. Self-harm
Paradoxically, many emotionally abused or neglected daughters often comment that they wish the maltreatment had been physical because, as one woman put it," Then, at least, the scars would show and I wouldn't have to prove their existence to anyone." It's been hypothesized that self-harm or cutting is intimately connected to lack of love, another effort both to fill the emptiness and to feel pain which you are able to control. In their book Bodily Harm, Karen Conterio and Wendy Lader write, " self-injury represents a frantic attempt by someone with low coping skills to 'mother herself.' ...Bodily care has been transformed into bodily harm: the razor blade becomes the wounding caregiver, a cold but available substitute for the embrace, kiss, or loving touch she truly desires." Following up on previous lines of research, Jean-François Bureau and his co-authors looked at specific dimensions of parenting and their relationship to NSSI (non- suicidal self-injury) in young adults. What they found was that among those engaging in self-injury, their descriptions of childhood included portraits of parents who failed to protect them and abdicated their roles as parents, of parents from whom they felt alienated, as well as those who were over-controlling. These parents were generally seen as less caring, untrustworthy, and more difficult to communicate with. Generally, research has confirmed the link between self-harm and emotionally distant or abusive parenting and insecure attachment.
3. Compulsive behaviors
Substance abuse, compulsive shopping, and even sexual promiscuity have been understood as ways of filling the hole in the heart. Unloved daughters may turn to the instantaneous self-soothing and oblivion offered up by alcohol or drugs. In her book, Mothering Ourselves, psychotherapist Evelyn S. Bassoff writes that, "For some, alcohol-which warms, fills, and anesthetizes the inner emptiness or aching-becomes the soothing mother...the alcoholic stupor replaces the sensations of being wafted to a sound sleep in mother's arms." Hope Edelman describes the "emotional hoarding" of those who are unloved and writes, "Back-to-back relationships, overeating, overspending, alcoholism, drug abuse, shoplifting, overachieving-all are her attempts to fill that empty space, to mother herself, to suppress feelings of grief or loneliness, and to get the nurturing she feels she lost or never had."

4. Hurtful relationships

Research shows that all of us are more likely to choose partners who are more like our parents than not-which is fine if you were raised by loving and attuned parents and not so wonderful if you were not. These relationships are comfort zones-which offer no real emotional comfort but which feel comfortable because we feel the way we did when we were children, living in our mother's house. They offer no real solace, and, for many unloved daughters, finding ourselves in a relationship like this may prove to be the turning point that propels us to seek help in the form of therapy.

But these blind alleys aren't the only ways daughters seek to fill the hole in their hearts; many-even those who have been stuck in a blind alley- find the healing they seek and need.
Clear Paths
The hole in the heart can be filled productively with new experiences and voices that tell the unloved daughter that she is worthy, valuable, and lovable. While the experiences of childhood shape us, they need not hobble us and many unloved daughters, by confronting and articulating their past, move into the present and future as loving and loved partners, friends, and mothers.
1. Earning secure attachment
Even if your upbringing didn't offer you secure attachment, you can earn secure attachment in adulthood. Self-understanding is the basis for new interactions and healthy and healing connections to others as various as teachers, mentors, therapists, friends, or lovers. As one woman confided, "My first steps towards healing took place in the company of an older woman, my neighbor, who was kind and understanding. She was the first person in whom I confided my story and by telling her, I broke the silence my mother had imposed me. I heard my voice for the very first time in my conversations with her."

Being able to make sense of your experience-making it into a coherent and understandable narrative-is the key to earned secure attachment, as posited by Mary Main one of the proponents of attachment theory. In an important study, Glenn I. Roisman and his co-authors looked at individuals with earned secure attachment in an effort to determine whether or not they were, however, more at risk for depressive symptoms. What they found was that not only were those with earned status (by making coherent sense of their past) involved in romantic relationships of a quality comparable to those with happy childhoods, parented as effectively as those raised in secure environments, but also were at no greater risk for internalizing distress than other secure groups.
2. Re-defining family
For many unloved daughters, creating a "family" on her own terms is part of the journey toward healing; sometimes, it will include distancing herself from her family of origin but not always. More than anything, this is an important act of reinvention, which can take the form of a close-knit circle of friends or getting married and having a child or children herself. In my early twenties, when I was estranged from my mother and single, I made Thanksgiving dinner every year for friends who had nowhere to go or whose families lived far away. Those dinners were one of the first steps I took to claiming earned secure attachment for myself. As one daughter commented: "In adulthood, I have surrounded myself with people I feel safe with. That wasn't true of my childhood but it is now and it has made a world of difference. This doesn't mean that everyone always loves everything I do or say, or that no one ever gets critical or ticked off at me. But I always know I am cared for, no matter what."
3. Mothering the self
Learning how to self-soothe in healthy ways and replace the critical or dismissive maternal voice internalized in your head-the one that tells you that nothing you do is good enough or that you are "less than" a daughter should be-with a message of self-love and an admonition for patience are also important steps toward healing. A therapist can be of enormous help at this juncture.

Giving voice to what actually happened in your childhood is part of self-mothering because it gets you out from under the code of denial imposed on you and allows you to develop an inner voice that is truthful, strong, and reliable. Permitting yourself to acknowledge your pain, frustration, and anger with your mother and her treatment of you is a necessary part of the process-both in terms of stilling the critical or dismissive maternal voice and growing your own inner voice. Grieving may be part of the process as well as mourning the loss of what you needed and never had.

Learning to be kind to yourself, as well as patient-as your mother wasn't-is also part of self-mothering. All of this takes time-there's no magic wand to replace the acceptance and love you lacked with a sense of self-acceptance-but it can be accomplished. Talk to yourself as you wish you'd been spoken to by your own mother, and cut yourself slack as necessary. Acknowledge the process, applaud the steps forward, and accept the steps backwards. The hole doesn't vanish but it gets smaller and smaller, and has a different context.
Fellow travelers, good luck and Godspeed! Copyright© Peg Streep 2014 READ MY NEW BOOK: READ Mean Mothers: Overcoming the Legacy of Hurt Mastering the Art of Quitting: Why It Matters in Life, Love, and Work
Lewis, Thomas, Fari Amini and Richard Lannon. A General Theory of Love. New York: Vintage Books, 2001.

Tannen, Deborah. You're Wearing That? Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation. New York: Ballantine Books, 2006.

Chernin, Kim. The Hungry Self. New York: Harper & Row, 1985.

Bassoff, Evelyn. Mothering Ourselves: Help and Healing for Adult Daughters, New York; Plume Books, 1992.

Roth, Geneen. When Food is Love: The Relationship Between Eating and Intimacy. New York: Plume Books, 1992.

Conterio, Karen and Wendy Lader. Bodily Harm. New York: Hyperion Books, 1998.

Bureau, Lean-François, Jodi Martin, Nathalie Freynet, Alexane Alie Porier, Marie-France Lafontaine, and Paula Cloutier, "Perceived Dimensions of Parenting and Non-suicidal Self-inury in Young Adults, Journal of Youth and Adolescence (2010), 39, 484-494.

Edelman, Hope. Motherless Daughters. New York: Delta Books, 1994.

Roisman, Glenn I, Elena Padron, L. Alan Sroufe, and Byron Egeland, "Earned-Secure Attachment Status in Retrospect and Prospect," Child Development (2002), vol. 73, no. 4, 1204-1219.

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Filling the Hole in Your Heart: Recovering from Childhood

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"It's still hard explaining what it was like to people who didn't experience it. I think most people think I'm exaggerating. I've gotten to used to it, over time, but it still stings and recovery is mostly a lonely process.."

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-and what it isn't!!

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Most of us had little or no role modeling regarding loving ourselves when we were growing up, because our parents or other caregivers likely didn't know how to love themselves. As a result, it's often challenging to know what loving ourselves looks like. It's through my work with my inner child and my spiritual Guidance that I've discovered what loving myself really means for me.

Sarah asks:

"All I know about "loving oneself" is to not let anyone (anymore) abuse me in any way, including yelling, criticizing me, etc. As I write this, it sounds like I just described "protecting myself", so maybe I don't know what loving myself REALLY means. I would love to hear your definition."

Let's look at what isn't loving yourself. It's not loving to yourself to reject and abandon yourself by:

Ignoring your feelings

Staying focused in your mind instead of being present in your body

Judging yourself

Numbing your feelings with addictions

Making others responsible for your feelings of worth, safety and loveability.

In relationships, loving yourself doesn't mean:

"I'm just going to take care of me and screw you."

"I'm not responsible for how my behavior affects you. That's your problem."

"If you love me, you will do what I want (whatever that is)."

"I'm only trying to help you and support you in what I believe is good for you -- even though you haven't asked for my help or my opinion."

"I'll put my full attention on you and sacrifice myself for you so you will put your full attention on me and sacrifice yourself for me."

"When I'm hurting it's your fault, and it's up to you to fix it."

"Since I need your attention and approval to feel good about myself, it's okay for me to do whatever I can to get what I need -- such as being overly nice, being angry, blaming you or withdrawing my love from you."

"If you love me, and I end up disabled or dying as a result of not taking care of myself physically, that's your problem, not mine.

Loving yourself does mean:

"I am responsible for learning to manage and regulate my own feelings so that I can bring myself inner peace and joy, and so I don't dump my anger, neediness and pain on others."

"I am responsible for defining my own worth and giving myself the attention I need, so that I am not in need of getting this from others, and so I can share my love with others, including supporting them in doing what brings them joy."

"I am responsible for managing my time, my space and my finances in ways that make me feel safe and don't place an unnecessary burden on others."

"I am responsible for learning how to access a spiritual source of love so that I can love myself and share love with others, rather than always trying to get love from others."

"I am responsible for taking care of my physical wellbeing - eating healthy foods, getting exercise and getting enough sleep, so that I can enjoy a healthy body and so that others don't eventually have to take physical care of me, unnecessarily."

"I am responsible for the effect my behavior has on others when I have acted out in ways that are hurtful to them."

"I am responsible for taking loving care of others when they are my responsibility -- such as my child, or people who are old, sick or disabled who I have agreed to take care of. There are times when it is loving to me to put myself aside for others, like for an infant or toddler and when others need me because they can't take care of themselves."

It took me many years of inner work to discover what loving myself looks like for me, and it may be different for you, since each of us has different things that make us feel loved and important. What loving actions can you take on your own behalf that would make you feel loved and important?

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: "Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships."

Join IBVillage and receive compassionate help and support for learning to love yourself.

Photo by Sean McGrath

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Bookmarked 8 time(s)

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Inner Bonding teaches the skills necessary to learn how to love yourself and heal from your past. Clients include singer Alanis Morissette and Lindsay Wagner. Daily Inspiration: When you move into more personal power and you want to try something new, do you allow the fear of those who say they love you to hold you back and deter you from taking a risk?

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Too Much On Her Plate | Overeating Help for Emotional Eating

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Dr. Melissa McCreery focuses on the three Os that ambush successful, high-performing women- overwhelm, overload and overeating. A clinical psychologist, she is the founder of TooMuchOnHerPlate.com, a consulting company providing busy women the programs and resources they need to take control of stress and overeating and add more ease, success, and joy to their health, their businesses, and their lives.

Melissa's approach to helping working mothers, busy professionals, and stressed out business owners has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Weight Watchers Magazine, Good Housekeeping, Working Mother, Fitness, Women's Health, Real Simple, Self and The Huffington Post.

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The Emotional Eating Rescue Plan for Smart, Busy Women | Emotional Eating Book

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Dr. Melissa McCreery focuses on the three Os that ambush successful, high-performing women- overwhelm, overload and overeating. A clinical psychologist, she is the founder of TooMuchOnHerPlate.com, a consulting company providing busy women the programs and resources they need to take control of stress and overeating and add more ease, success, and joy to their health, their businesses, and their lives.

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Perhaps something to journal through?

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Monique Steele Reporter from Christchurch Mail

Following the sixth anniversary of the Canterbury earthquakes, Christchurch Mail reporter Monique Steele tried out an Australian therapy which claims to cure PTSD, anxiety and an array of issues.

"Therapy, healing, spiritualism. Now, let's all hold hands and wear flower headbands in a cloud of smoke. Therapy...

Hey, look, I understand it takes what it takes to get through life, and addressing your issues is probably the first step to a balanced, happy life.

However, I, like many of us, have the general approach to emotional issues which is the big, fat R-word: repress, repress, repress.

Sure, I white-knuckled my way through my teenage years and now ride through life on a magic carpet of stress and deadlines. But I don't think that I am especially unbalanced or neurotic, or no more than the rest of us, which probably says a lot.

I barely have the time to wash my hair than to fix any deep-rooted emotional issues I may have. So, imagine my surprise when my editor Shannon said she had a story with my name on it.

Yes friends, Fairfax paid me to go to therapy.

A woman had called Shannon telling her about a therapy she practices in Australia which she claimed to fix everything from PTSD to digestive problems.

Of course, I turned to Monsieur Google to prepare me for whichever tricks this woman was going to throw at me.

PRIVATE SUBCONSCIOUS MIND THERAPY
Private Subconscious Mind Therapy is a gentle, healing practice in which the patient undergoes three sessions with a trained counsellor.

In each session the patient sits in a comfortable chair with their eyes shut while the counsellor talks to them.

The therapy aims to connect the subconscious with the conscious to deal with unresolved issues within the inner mind.

"It's so easy for us to think things as a child and think there's no other way," counsellor Jan Graham said.

"This allows you to go back and experience it again and look at it with all the experience you've gained as an adult."

The theory makes sense, in a very airy fairy kind of way.

"It gets the left and the right side of the brain working together.

"It's a search for what's underneath," she said.

And what really raised my eyebrow was Graham's absolute faith in the therapy.

JAN GRAHAM
I am always skeptical of anybody charging a large amount of money for a solution which will not show its results immediately.
For me, the idea that change was almost guaranteed, but in an indeterminate amount of time, did not sit well.

"The problem is, because it's a new service where people don't know what it's about, nobody knows what a subconscious mind therapist does," Graham said.

Graham is a counsellor based in Adelaide, back in Christchurch, where she was raised, to visit her family.

A professional counsellor with a Diploma in Counselling, Graham has been practising Private Subconscious Mind Therapy since 2003. She received it herself and then decided to practice it.

She believes Cantabrians post-quake would benefit from the therapy which is not practised in Christchurch.

"I know it can be beneficial for people here because it can treat PTSD," she said.

"I've seen what it can do and it's amazing. It's very powerful.

"I think anybody can benefit from it."

Challenge accepted.

SESSION 1
Graham and I sat down in her Papanui Rd office.

I sat in a bright red, leather chair with my feet up, eyes closed, and Graham told me to relax. I drifted off, thinking about frivolous crap.

It was calming, it was fine. And then, 50 minutes later, it was over and I could open my eyes.

SESSION 2
Graham had warned me earlier that this session was often more intense. She was right.

As before, I sat in the chair with my eyes closed, drifting away in my thoughts as she spoke to me. However this time around I remember feeling aware that I was being guided in my train of thought.

Most unresolved issues stem from negative experiences or emotions so she began exploring negative words to see how I felt about them.

"Let's think about betrayal, how do you feel about that?"

There was betrayal, guilt, abandonment, sadness, hurt, loss of love, and the list carried on.

Everybody has negatives responses to at least one of those things, I'm sure. And apparently, so did I.

With each issue she asked: "Do you want to have these feelings? Are these feelings helpful for you?"

I even remember thinking, 'no', and tears began streaming down my face.

She encouraged me to visualise the issue, or the person, or the emotion, and picture letting it go.

I saw it. I saw myself letting go, knowing that I should have done it much earlier on, but I hadn't been ready.

I also knew these emotions had been overwhelming for me, so I did what we all do; I pushed it down deep and put a tight lid on it.

Graham pulled the lid off.

"It definitely stirs the pot," she said.

As the 45-minute session came to an end, I opened my eyes and sat in quiet for a moment, wiping away my tears.

For days I felt distracted, unsettled. I was truly surprised, because I did not believe in this stuff, but it clearly had some effect on me.

SESSION 3
The last session was sold as the resolution session, where all of the work was pulled together and tied into a pretty bow of emotional stability.

The routine was the same, but there was an emphasis on resolution.

The last session was fine. I felt at ease.

THE "NEW ME"
So, apparently, here I sit, the "cured", resolved, emotionally-stable Monique, ready to take on the world. Or not. I can't really tell you a definite answer, which is the problem. Everybody is different, and change is gradual.

I mean, sure, it was an interesting experience. I thought about things I had bottled up for a long time, and facing them is probably healthy, in the end.

Are we faced with living a repressed, unbalanced life on the one hand, or a content, spiritually-enlightened life at $150 a session ($450 for all three sessions) on the other? You decide."

Jan Graham, 027 522 3484, www.psttherapy.com...

Have you tried a new or quirky therapy and did it work? Email Monique at monique.steele@fairfaxmedia.co.nz with your experiences.

***Comments may be used in print unless you state otherwise with NFP (Not for print).***

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Digging deep - Private Subconscious Mind Therapy - Neighbourly

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Monique Steele Reporter from Christchurch Mail Following the sixth anniversary of the Canterbury earthquakes, Christchurch Mail reporter Monique Steele tried out an Australian therapy which claims to cure PTSD, anxiety and an array of issues. "Therapy, healing, spiritualism. Now, let's all hold hands and wear flower headbands in a cloud of smoke.

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Define Every Problem

The first step in solving a problem is understanding what that problem actually is. You need to be sure that you're dealing with the real problem - not its symptoms. For example, if performance in your department is substandard, you might think that the problem lies with the individuals submitting work. However, if you look a bit deeper, the real issue might be a general lack of training, or an unreasonable workload across the team.

Tools like 5 Whys, Appreciation and Root Cause Analysis get you asking the right questions, and help you to work through the layers of a problem to uncover what's really going on.

Understanding Complexity

As you define your problem, you'll often discover just how complicated it is. There are likely several interrelated issues involved. That's why it's important to have ways to visualize, simplify and make sense of this tangled mess!

When your problem occurs within a business process, creating a Flow Chart, Swim Lane Diagram or a Systems Diagram will help you to see how various activities and inputs fit together. This may well highlight a missing element or bottleneck that's causing your problem.

General Problem-Solving Tools

When you understand the problem in front of you, you're ready to start solving it. With your definition to guide you, you can generate several possible solutions, choose the best one, then put it into action. That's the four-step approach at the heart of good problem solving.

There are various problem-solving styles to use. For example:

Specific Problem-Solving Systems

Some particularly complicated or important problems call for a more comprehensive process. Again, Mind Tools has a range of approaches to try, including:

Further Problem-Solving Strategies

Good problem solving requires a number of other skills - all of which are covered by Mind Tools.

And our Project Management collection has valuable advice for strengthening the whole problem-solving process. The resources there will help you to make effective changes - and then keep them working long term.

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Learn how to solve problems effectively with this wide range of problem-solving tools and techniques from Mind Tools.

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Were you emotionally neglected as a child? And would you even know if this was the case?

Here's an interesting fact: Many people have suffered emotional neglect in childhood without realizing it.

Clinical psychologist Jonice Webb, author of Running On Empty, says emotional neglect is a sin of omission, rather than a sin of commission. It's not about something bad that parents did, like hitting their child, it's about something that they failed to do. They failed to pay enough attention to their child's day-to-day requirements for emotional support.

Because this neglect is a subtle thing, many adults who were neglected as children are not even aware of it.

Emotionally neglectful parents are often loving and have good intentions; their physical care is usually excellent, but they are unaware of their child's emotional needs. As a result, many emotionally neglected children struggle with identity and self-esteem and suffer from anxiety and depression in later life. They may feel empty inside or struggle to feel part of a social group.

When reading about Webb's work, I reflected on the Baby Boomer generation to which I belong. And it struck me that this type of accidental neglect was rife in the 50s and 60s. Many parents still held to the Victorian concept that 'children should be seen and not heard'. And as long as their kids were quiet, parents presumed everything was OK.

What's all of this psychology got to do with journaling, you may be wondering.

Well, keeping a journal is a great self-healing tool. If you can relate to any of Webb's comments, and feel you may have been neglected as a child, then journaling may help you find peace of mind.

If your parents didn't give you enough attention because they were busy, stressed, or pre-occupied with their own problems, you can mitigate the damage. Journaling every day is a way to check in with yourself and give your inner child some time and space.

Journaling helps you understand who you are and why you do certain things. Through regular pen-to-paper writing therapy you gradually identify your strengths and weaknesses and your likes and dislikes. You become aware of your deepest emotions. Your inner child can communicate with the adult person you've become- just be careful not to judge or criticize Younger You.

This 'me time' is invaluable, because self-awareness is vital in negotiating the world and meeting its challenges.

To really get right into your own unconscious mind and understand what makes you tick, stream-of-consciousness writing is king. Writing anything at all that comes into your head for about 20 or 30 minutes will often produce valuable insights.

There are also some specific questions that can help the process of self-discovery, such as:

What were the pivotal moments in your life?

Describe yourself as a 5-year-old, a 10-year-old, a 15-year-old and a 20-year-old.

Describe yourself as you are now

What do you like and dislike about yourself?

Who are your favorite people?

Who or what do you struggle with the most?

What are your greatest talents?

What's your dream job?

What scares the pants off you?

Finally, what do you need to change in your life, taking account of your new self-awareness?

About

Lyn Alderson is a professional journalist, blogger and author, based in the English Midlands.

She has 25 years' experience of writing news and features for UK newspapers and magazines.To find out more about Lyn and her work visit http://lacopywriting.co.uk

If you want to find out more about the health benefits of keeping a journal, check out Lyn's e-book The Write Therapy: How Keeping a Journal Can Make You Happier, Healthier and More Productive available from the Amazon Kindle Store.

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Journaling Heals Childhood Emotional Neglect Issues

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Were you emotionally neglected as a child? And would you even know if this was the case? Here's an interesting fact: Many people have suffered emotional neglect in childhood without realizing it. Clinical psychologist Jonice Webb, author of Running On Empty, says emotional neglect is a sin of omission, rather than a sin of commission.

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"this happened to me. It was hard. But it does not hold power over me."

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"Eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full." It sounds so simple, yet countless people struggle with putting this principle into practice. Why is overeating such a battle? One of the main reasons is because people aren't tuned in to their bodies. They lose sensitivity to true stomach hunger, and get it confused with a multitude of other signals and needs.

What is stomach hunger?

Stomach hunger - or physical hunger - involves a complex interaction between the digestive system, endocrine system and the brain. When the body needs refueling, we start feeling tired and weak, while finding it harder to concentrate and work. The stomach, which is located just below the ribcage, starts to ache and rumble. This is true stomach hunger. When we begin eating in response, we really enjoy the food and start feeling better, because a bodily need is being met.

What happens when I ignore my stomach hunger?

If you don't feed your body when it needs food, the physical symptoms intensify. The stomach starts to really hurt. You find it more difficult to concentrate and may experience lightheadedness. You may also get irritable and short-tempered. In addition, some people get shaky and nervous, while others get a headache. Because you are so ravenous at this point, once you do start to eat, you're very vulnerable to uncontrolled eating or bingeing.

When I eat, how do I know when to stop?

Hunger and fullness is regulated by the hypothalamus in the brain. When your body has had enough food to satisfy its needs, signals are sent to the hypothalamus, registering fullness (also called satiety). When we are in tune to our bodies, we recognize when it's time to stop eating. The stomach feels comfortable, and satisfied - not stuffed. We soon begin to feel calmer, more alert and energized.

It takes approximately 20 minutes for fullness signals to transmit from the stomach back to the brain. So, if you eat too fast and aren't paying attention, it's easy to override this system and eat more than what the body is calling for.

How do I know when I am overeating?

When you are eating at a calm, relaxed pace and paying attention to your body, you will notice the following when you have eaten more than physically needed:

1. You are mechanically taking bites and swallowing, but you aren't really enjoying the food anymore.

2. You are feeling pressure and discomfort in your stomach. If filled further, it starts to hurt. You may even feel queasy.

3. After a while you start to feel sluggish.

What if I can't detect hunger and/or fullness signals in my body?

Assuming that you're not eating too hurriedly or with many distractions, there are several possible reasons for having difficulty perceiving these internal bodily cues. If you've been ignoring your hunger and fullness signals for a long time, you may have temporarily lost your physical sensitivity to them. This is often the outcome of frequent dieting, chronically restricting food intake, being raised to "clean your plate," or struggling with any kind of disordered eating. If this is the case for you, it will take some time to rediscover hunger and fullness cues, which may require professional guidance. Outside help is especially crucial if: 1) you are never hungry and routinely get full with just a few bites, or 2) you are always hungry and never feel satisfied after eating.

Sometimes, there are emotional reasons for a person being unable to access their hunger and fullness signals. Getting in touch with body sensations stirs up painful memories for some people, while others feel undeserving of meeting their own needs. If you are one of these people, it is important to work through these issues with a therapist who specializes in eating disorders.

Lastly, in some cases, there are medical explanations for problems with hunger and fullness. For instance, certain medications, specific diseases, depression, stress and pain can clearly increase or decrease the appetite. But overall, there are still many unanswered questions regarding the body's regulation of food intake. Research is currently underway to try to better understand the complex mechanisms, and to figure out why some people struggle more than others.

What are some "false alarm" signals that are often confused with stomach hunger?

Sometimes, we mistake other signals in our bodies for physical hunger. They are legitimate sensations, but not true stomach hunger. Here are some examples:
"Teeth Hunger"
Sometimes, especially if we're feeling irritated or stressed, we want to chew our frustrations away. Our bodies are not calling for food, but we put it in our mouths as an attempt to relieve anxiety.
"Mouth Hunger"
We see or smell something that looks so delicious that our mouths start to water. Sometimes just thinking about a food brings on a craving for it. We desire to taste the food, but really aren't physically hungry.
"Mind Hunger"
We look at the clock and think we have to eat a certain amount of food because "it's time", even if we don't feel like eating.
Thirst
Sometimes we confuse the sluggishness of dehydration with actual hunger. The body is calling for fluids, not food.
Fatigue
When we sense that our energy levels are low, some of us automatically think that if we eat something, we'll feel better. However, if we've been working extra hard and/or haven't been getting enough sleep, our bodies are calling for rest, not food.
"Heart Hunger/Emotional Hunger"
We feel an ache and emptiness in our hearts due to unmet emotional and/or spiritual needs. Rather than acknowledge our feelings and work through our issues, we try to fill the void with food. Or sometimes we try to use food to "stuff" our feelings down. Although there can be physical discomfort in the gut when we're upset, it is a distinctly different sensation from stomach hunger.

Moving forward...

As you can see, the simple design of physical hunger and fullness is often overshadowed by other body signals, habits, needs and emotions. Identifying and dealing with them appropriately is a huge step in the process of discerning true stomach hunger. Learning to eat intuitively - meeting your body's true physical needs for fuel and nourishment - will help you naturally reach the healthiest weight for your one-of-a-kind body.

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Understanding Hunger and Fullness Cues - FINDINGbalance

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"Eat when you're hungry, stop when you're full." It sounds so simple, yet countless people struggle with putting this principle into practice. Why is overeating such a battle? One of the main reasons is because people aren't tuned in to their bodies.

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News & Events

We are very excited about the release of The Intuitive Eating Workbook. Our workbook is filled with exercises and practices to help you develop a peaceful and satisfying relationship with food, mind, and body. It is available for pre-order and will be officially released on April 1, 2017, by New Harbinger Publications.

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We are very excited about the release of The Intuitive Eating Workbook. Our workbook is filled with exercises and practices to help you develop a peaceful and satisfying relationship with food, mind, and body. It is available for pre-order and will be officially released on April 1, 2017, by New Harbinger Publications.

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Blog: Find Freedom Around Food, Weight, Body, and Eating

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A blog with inspirational tools and tips to help you free yourself from body struggles, weight obsession, and disordered eating.

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SUSAN ALBERS WAYS TO SOOTHE WITHOUT FOOD/MINDFULNESS

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SUSAN ALBERS WAYS TO SOOTHE WITHOUT FOOD/MINDFULNESS

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50 More Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food: Mindfulness Strategies to Cope with Stress and End Emotional Eating

In this much-anticipated follow-up to Fifty Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food, renowned nutrition expert and New York Times best-selling author of Eat Q, Susan Albers delivers fifty more highly effective ways to help you soothe yourself without eating-leading to a healthier, happier life!

If you're an emotional overeater, you may turn to food to cope with stress and sadness, enhance joy, and bring a sense of comfort. But, over time, overeating can cause weight gain, heart disease, diabetes, and many other health problems. In Fifty More Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food, you'll find fifty more mindful and healthy activities to help you replace your need to overeat.

Based in popular mindfulness practices, this book will show you how to slow down and be present during mealtime so that you end up making healthier choices. In addition, the activities in the book-such as yoga, aromatherapy, and breathing exercises-will help you gain a greater overall sense of well-being and appreciation for your body.

If you're ready to stop using food as an emotional crutch, and start feeling healthy, happy, and truly fulfilled, this book offers fifty more ways!

Albers has done it again! In her sequel to the amazing 50 Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food, readers will be thrilled with this practical, easy-to-follow road map for ending emotional eating. She leads you on a journey to find comfort without calories. 50 More Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food is packed with creative, unique, healthy, and lasting alternatives to munching away your emotions.

Mark Hyman, MD Director of the Cleveland Clinic Center for Functional Medicine and author of the #1 New York Times bestseller: The Blood Sugar Solution

50 More Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food is a fantastic resource for anyone who has struggled with emotional, mindless, or chaotic eating. Susan Albers provides a collection of practical, science-based, and tried-and-true strategies for breaking unhealthy cycles and cultivating mindfulness. Written in an authoritative but supportive and encouraging voice, Susan provides wisdom, and the ability to find calm and comfort, while simultaneously developing a nourishing, enjoyable, and balanced relationship with food.

Cynthia Sass, MPH, MA, RD, CSSD New York Times best-selling author, contributing nutrition editor for HEALTH magazine, and owner of Sass Consulting Services, Inc.

Eat Q: Unlock the Weight-Loss Power of Emotional Intelligence (NYT Best Seller)

In this New York Times Best Selling book I present a groundbreaking three-step program for conquering emotional eating-a practical, prescriptive, proactive approach using Emotional Intelligence that will help you slim down, eat healthfully and mindfully, and keep the pounds off.

Introduced by the author of the bestselling The Hormone Cure, Sara Gottfried MD, Eat.Q. goes beyond traditional diet books to explore the link between emotions and eating, revealing how, when you increase your Emotional Intelligence, you naturally increase your ability to successfully manage your weight. Explaining the link between a high Eat.Q. and a good relationship with food, I guide you through the most common emotional barriers to healthy and mindful eating, and offers 25 tools and techniques you can use to tailor the plan to your individual needs.

Grounded in dozens of clinical studies that associate a low Emotional Intelligence with poor eating habits-including eating past fullness, eating when your angry or bored, and overeating favorite foods-Eat.Q. offers hope and help that works for anyone, no matter how many times they've tried to manage emotional eating in the past.

Susan Albers gets it: the key to achieving a long-term love affair with your body (and your food!) isn't about fad diets or guilt trips to the scale. Susan's game plan to turn the proven power of emotional intelligence into eating intelligence upgrades our relationship with food from the head down. Grab this book and dig in!

But I Deserve This Chocolate

Most of us are really, really good at devising reasons to indulge in foods that derail our diets and healthy eating plans. Who among us hasn't thought, "I had a stressful day, so I deserve this chocolate," or, "Buttery popcorn would go so well with this movie!" When we view food as a reward, emotional eating can be difficult to overcome.

Most fad diets tell you to "control" your eating, use willpower, ignore your cravings, or just stop eating. Recall for a moment where this got you in the past. Feeling frustrated or hopeless? Maybe it led you to make more excuses? Perhaps you're thinking I need to get control. This is a sign that the diet mentality may be deeply ingrained in you. Rest assured that there are alternatives to fad dieting and trying to "control" your body.

In But I Deserve This Chocolate!, I take aim at the fifty most common self-sabotaging thoughts and excuses that keep you from eating right and looking great. This guide dismantles each excuse and offers a mindfulness exercise to help reroute your thoughts so you can meet your health goals. Whether you're a man or woman, teen or adult, this book is for you if you are trying to eat more mindfully, manage your weight, lose weight, or take charge of your eating habits.

Forget the chocolate and unwrap some truly nourishing habits you can feel good about-your body will thank you!

I found this book to be very helpful because she really did capture the majority of the diet excuses that run through my head and give me ways to work around it. I put it in practice immediately and have found that just eating mindfully as she describes and using her tips to work around my excuses have made a big difference already. I'm glad I found this book! I also started reading 50 Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food from the same author, which has also been good so far.

This book is truly a godsend! it gets to the very root of the thinking that is often taking place before your behaviors. The advice is sound, is actionable, and is specific. What I love about Susan Albers's books is the content is fantastically balanced between being analytical and practice-oriented.
There are very minor restrictive undertones, particularly in the last section of the book, ``A day in the life of a mindful eater,`` that detract from the overal non-judgmental message of mindfulness. I suggest v2 be neutralized and include a section or two on eating unhealthy foods mindfully and without any long-term agenda (i.e. eating french fries mindfully simply to enjoy them). That said, fantastic read -- everyone should pick up a copy.

50 Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food

Food has the power to temporarily alleviate stress and sadness, enhance joy, and bring us comfort when we need it most. It's no wonder experts estimate that 75 percent of overeating is triggered by our emotions, not physical hunger. The good news is you can instead soothe yourself through dozens of mindful activities that are healthy for both body and mind.

In this book I offer 50 Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food, a collection of mindfulness skills and practices for relaxing the body in times of stress and ending your dependence on eating as a means of coping with difficult emotions. You'll not only discover easy ways to soothe urges to overeat, you'll also learn how to differentiate emotion-driven hunger from healthy hunger. Reach for this book instead of the refrigerator next time you feel the urge to snack-these alternatives are just as satisfying!

I've lost all the excess weight because of this book! The suggestions have saved me thousands and thousands of calories. It is a list of things to do instead of eat.
I used to think that I was a compulsive eater, but really, I didn't have any alternative behaviors to lean on in times of boredom, loneliness, or stress. The book taught me how important it is for my mental health to have hobbies, do puzzles, and play games. I used to think that those were frivolous and childish pastimes. Now I know it is a sign of a mature person who has positive coping skills. I have expanded the list to include what I really enjoy and what I can really get absorbed in. Computer Mahjong, the Rubix's Slide, clicker training my dogs, and blogging (I think blogging is suggested in the book). I'm so glad I read this book and put the suggestions into practice. I can't recommend this book enough. Also, if you are struggling with an addiction of any kind, I believe you would benefit from this book as well.

Mindful Eating 101

In this book I bring my unique approach to college students, their parents, and college staff.

Using the principles of mindfulness, I presents a guide to healthy eating and self acceptance that will help readers navigate the weight obsessed, diet crazed, high pressured, fast food saturated college environment, establishing patterns of eating that will form the groundwork for a healthier life well beyond college.

More than a new diet book or collection of superficial self-affirmations, this book gets at issues such as the importance of making informed choices and the value of self acceptance and good health.

Eating Mindfully

What would it be like to really savor your food? Instead of grabbing a quick snack on your way out the door or eating just to calm down at the end of a stressful day, isn't it about time you let yourself truly appreciate a satisfying, nourishing meal?

In our modern society, weight concerns, obesity rates, and obsession with appearance have changed the way we look at food-and not necessarily for the better. If you have ever snacked when you weren't hungry, have used guilt as a guide for your eating habits, or have cut calories even when you felt hungry, you have experienced "mindless" eating firsthand. This mindless approach to food is dangerous, and can have serious health and emotional consequences. But if you've been mindlessly eating all your life, it can be difficult to make a change. When it comes down to it, you must take a whole new approach to eating-but where do you begin? Practicing mindful eating habits may be just the thing to make that important change. In fact, it might just be the answer you've been searching for all these years.

The breakthrough approaches in Eating Mindfully use mindfulness-based psychological practices to take charge of cravings so they can eat when they are hungry and stop when they feel full. Ten years after the release of the first edition, this book continues to help thousands of readers change the way they approach mealtime. So what's changed? For starters, there is a new section that focuses on the "occasional mindless eater." This second edition emphasizes that mindful eating isn't only for those on a diet or for those who have severely problematic eating habits-it's for everyone. In addition, this new edition features over 50 new tips for eating mindfully. Inside, you will learn how to be more aware of what you eat, get to know your fullness and hunger cues, and how to savor and appreciate every bite. You will also learn how mindlessness corrupts the way you eat, and how it can manifest in a number of different eating problems. No matter where you are in your journey toward mindful eating, this book will be an invaluable resource, and you will gain insight into how mindfulness can provide you with the skills needed to control the way you eat-leading to a healthier, happier life.

Eat, Drink & Be Mindful

Eat, Drink, and Be Mindful is a new tool for dealing with the age-old problem of mindless overeating. The author currently uses this workbook with clients in her Mindful Eating Support Groups. The book is a collection of more than seventy worksheets she has created. The workbook is organized around the seven skills of mindful-eater-awareness: observing, being in-the-moment, acceptance, letting go, non-judgment, and mindfulness of the environment. Each worksheet is one to two pages. This concise, easy-to-use guide is great for introducing people to mindful eating. More advanced mindful eaters love the journal format. It is also a helpful tool for therapists to use with their clients.

Fans of Eating Mindfully, yo-yo dieters, dietitians, therapists, and doctors would be primary and secondary markets for this book. The workbook combines the ancient wisdom of mindfulness meditation techniques with cognitive behavior skills and cutting edge approaches to implementing and sustaining lasting change. In my first book I reveal how overeating or chaotic eating can be improved with mindful eating techniques.

This book was a required text for a mindful eating course I took in graduate school, and I have used it in practice many times since. It is a well-thought out resource that provides a helpful guide for therapists and individuals alike. Dr. Albers provides a clear description of mindful eating as well as specific strategies to improve one's relationship with food and eating. As a practitioner I find that the tools in this book are very helpful for clients with a variety of eating disorders. The activities throughout the book are practical and allow for quick application of the concepts presented. Great resource!

As a psychologist, I would certainly recommend this book to clients who have eating difficulties (or therapists who work with them). The workbook has a non-judgmental friendly tone that makes it easy to read. Dr. Albers includes several good assessments/checklists that can be used to pinpoint how you are struggling with mindless eating. The rest of the book contains many well thought-out exercises and practical suggestions to target different aspects of eating issues. I think this book can help to change your relationship with food.

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In this much-anticipated follow-up to Fifty Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food, renowned nutrition expert and New York Times best-selling author of Eat Q, Susan Albers delivers fifty more highly effective ways to help you soothe yourself without eating-leading to a healthier, happier life!

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The Mindful Diet has 86 ratings and 17 reviews. We Said It: Literary Reviews said: itle: Think Before Taking a Bite"The Mindful Diet" by Ruth Q. Wolever...

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Mindfulness is a very simple yet profound form of meditation. It invites us to be fully present in the moment and embody a kind of equanimity towards what is unfolding, both inside ourselves and out. It's been shown to reduce stress and improve the quality of your life. If you are wondering how to practice mindfulness, it's not really complicated. The following guidelines ( and this free audio ) can get you started.

1. Setting Up Right

First, find a place in your home where you can be undisturbed for a while. Preferably some place reasonably quiet. You may want to use a timer, so that you can set aside a certain amount of time for your practice. Ten to fifteen minutes is sufficient to begin with.

Take a seat either on a chair, on a cushion on the floor or a meditation stool. You don't have to sit cross-legged on the floor like the images you may have seen in magazines but you can if it's comfortable for you.

Establish a posture with an upright spine and the crown of the head extending towards the ceiling. You want to avoid slumping, but you don't want unecessary tension either. Find a way of sitting that feels alert and yet steady but not tense. Place your hands on the knees, palms facing downward. Or in another position of your choosing that is comfortable.

If the constraints of your body prevent you from sitting in this way, then simply find a position you can stay in for this time. When you've found your posture, lightly close your eyes.

2. Focus on the Breath

Mindfulness can be established in various ways, but a typical (and very powerful) method is breath awareness. To practice this way now, take the focus of your attention to the sensations of the breath moving in your body.

There is no need to change or control the breath in any way. The body has been breathing for you since the day you were born so continue to let it breathe as you simply feel into the sensations of breath in your body. Noticing how these sensations constantly change and move. Staying with the awareness of these sensations in your body as they unfold in the present moment.

3. Keep Coming Back to the Breath

After focusing on your breath for a time you will likely find that the mind has a mind of its own! It may frequently wander off on thinking about various concerns, worries, anticipation and random thoughts. This is a normal part of the practice (you haven't failed).

As soon as you notice that the mind has wandered, simply bring your attention back to feeling your breath. Aim to do this 'bringing back' with a kindly warm attitude. Don't judge yourself if you find that you forget about your breathing. This is natural. Return your awareness to the breath, as many times as you have to.

4. Allow The Practice To Unfold

As you practice mindfulness, try to drop any expectations about how you think it should be and simply allow your experience to be as you find it. For example, many people have the idea that they should in a state of relaxation or bliss when they practice mindfulness. Others think that their minds should go completely quiet. This is not the case. Mindfulness is simply about being fully present with what it is arising, moment by moment, breath by breath, without wanting it to be different.

You may find different thoughts and feelings come up at various times. There is no need to try to suppress, fight or push away anything. Simply notice what is arising and (with that kindly non-judging attitude) come back to the breath.

Having a sense of letting the present moment be as it is, letting yourself be as you are, as you continue to follow the sensations of your breathing.

5. Taking It With You

If you are using a timer or app, this will alert you when your session is over. Otherwise, you can simply open your eyes when the time seems right. Take a moment to notice how you're feeling and any potential effects of your practice before you stretch and move and go about your daily activities again.

As you make the transition back into daily life, see if you can have a sense of taking mindfulness with you. The same awareness you cultivated while following the breath can be with you while you do the dishes, cook, travel to work and wait in line at the grocery store.

It's certainly natural, in this busy modern world that we live in, to lose track of your awareness throughout the day. However, in any moment you can always to take a few mindful breaths to bring you back to yourself and the miracle of life unfolding in the present moment.

If you practice mindfulness on a regular basis, you will find it easier and easier to remain aware and awake no matter what you are doing.

If you'd like some guidance as you practice, go ahead and use this free audio

This five-step process can help you to begin your mindfulness practice. If you'd like to enjoy the benefits of a regular practice here is a guide to setting your home meditation practice .

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How To Practice Mindfulness In 5 Simple Steps (With A Free Audio) - Mrs. Mindfulness

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Mindfulness is a very simple yet profound form of meditation. It invites us to be fully present in the moment and embody a kind of equanimity towards what is unfolding, both inside ourselves and out. It's been shown to reduce stress and improve the quality of your life.

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MINDY'S PAGE

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from Agnes

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Life. Unrestricted. Boost your body image and recover from food & exercise madness.

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Hi there, I'm Meret.

(Uhm... this is my first shot at a blog, so excuse me for getting a little giddy. )

Before you get to know me a little better, I'd like to say thank you: Thank you, all of you lovely people out there!
Your encouragement, our connection and mutual support truly inspiring. If it wasn't for your own unique stories, your way of standing in your truth and expressing yourself authentically, your listening without judgment and your inexplicable interest in me, no one would be reading this. Since most of you, my friends, are English-speaking, this should explain my main choice of language for this site.

Only by meeting some amazing people, studying with the big names in the field-Byron Katie, Brené Brown, Virgie Tovar-I started to slowly turn my life upside down. It began to dawn on me that my way of living small, the extent of self-imposed torture and this utter lack of kindness towards myself, could be changed. By me.

I t's a shame to say that as so many others, I needed to crash full-on before I started considering other truths, truths of worth, truths of living.
For me, my complete lack of self-worth manifested itself in a life spent on diets, obsessing over food, constant overexercising, and hating the reflection in the mirror, no matter what my weight was (read: severely underweight and also "plus size").
Only when all the air was sucked out of me and I felt nothing but trapped-empty and wishing not to be here anymore-did things begin to change.
Funny how sometimes, we need to see pitch black nothingness before we can hit the RESET button.

And after that?
I started getting to know myself a little better. I started questioning age-old beliefs. And I started processing some of the old muck that keeps so many of us stuck.

This is the point where others usually deliver the punchline by saying that they've done all the work and seen the light.
That they made it through recovery and are no "there", shouting encouragement to all of us eating-/exercise disordered people that are still struggling. Look. I can't deliver that (yet).
I'm still fumbling around in foggy MESSVILLE a lot of the time, I'm still afraid to let go of some of the rules and restrictions, and I'm still terrified of being shamed and rejected as I was when I was a kid. Of course, I'm only human.
But I'm much more aware of what's going on, (yes, therapy helps!) and I'm continuously educating myself on all things diet-culture, body image, personal growth and resilience.

For much too long, I was waiting to fully engage in life. Waiting for the green light to come on. Hoping that-once I had all my ducks in a row-I could eliminate failure and rejection. Then, oh boy, THEN I would fully allow myself to enjob, to love, to laugh, or-for that matter-to blog.

Yeah, riiiiight. It just doesn't work that way.
If I wait until it's all sunshine and rainbow, no blog of mine will ever see daylight!
So? This basically is me giving my inner perfectionist the finger.
I'll tell you what: It's wildly encouraging.

Lesson for today: Own your story. Live life now.
Love, Meret

Fat, chubby, skinny... Perfect!

Also, seriously: No body hate here. I've got enough of that myself, thanks very much.

Hi there, I'm Meret.

(Uhm... this is my first shot at a blog, so excuse me for getting a little giddy. )

Before you get to know me a little better, I'd like to say thank you: Thank you, all of you lovely people out there!
Your encouragement, our connection and mutual support truly inspiring. If it wasn't for your own unique stories, your way of standing in your truth and expressing yourself authentically, your listening without judgment and your inexplicable interest in me, no one would be reading this. Since most of you, my friends, are English-speaking, this should explain my main choice of language for this site.

Only by meeting some amazing people, studying with the big names in the field-Byron Katie, Brené Brown, Virgie Tovar-I started to slowly turn my life upside down. It began to dawn on me that my way of living small, the extent of self-imposed torture and this utter lack of kindness towards myself, could be changed. By me.

I t's a shame to say that as so many others, I needed to crash full-on before I started considering other truths, truths of worth, truths of living.
For me, my complete lack of self-worth manifested itself in a life spent on diets, obsessing over food, constant overexercising, and hating the reflection in the mirror, no matter what my weight was (read: severely underweight and also "plus size").
Only when all the air was sucked out of me and I felt nothing but trapped-empty and wishing not to be here anymore-did things begin to change.
Funny how sometimes, we need to see pitch black nothingness before we can hit the RESET button.

And after that?
I started getting to know myself a little better. I started questioning age-old beliefs. And I started processing some of the old muck that keeps so many of us stuck.

This is the point where others usually deliver the punchline by saying that they've done all the work and seen the light.
That they made it through recovery and are no "there", shouting encouragement to all of us eating-/exercise disordered people that are still struggling. Look. I can't deliver that (yet).
I'm still fumbling around in foggy MESSVILLE a lot of the time, I'm still afraid to let go of some of the rules and restrictions, and I'm still terrified of being shamed and rejected as I was when I was a kid. Of course, I'm only human.
But I'm much more aware of what's going on, (yes, therapy helps!) and I'm continuously educating myself on all things diet-culture, body image, personal growth and resilience.

For much too long, I was waiting to fully engage in life. Waiting for the green light to come on. Hoping that-once I had all my ducks in a row-I could eliminate failure and rejection. Then, oh boy, THEN I would fully allow myself to enjob, to love, to laugh, or-for that matter-to blog.

Yeah, riiiiight. It just doesn't work that way.
If I wait until it's all sunshine and rainbow, no blog of mine will ever see daylight!
So? This basically is me giving my inner perfectionist the finger.
I'll tell you what: It's wildly encouraging.

Lesson for today: Own your story. Live life now.
Love, Meret

Fat, chubby, skinny... Perfect!

Also, seriously: No body hate here. I've got enough of that myself, thanks very much.

(Uhm... this is my first shot at a blog, so excuse me for getting a little giddy. )

For much too long, I was waiting to fully engage in life. Waiting for the green light to come on. Hoping that-once I had all my ducks in a row-I could eliminate failure and rejection. Then, oh boy, THEN I would fully allow myself to enjob, to love, to laugh, or-for that matter-to blog.

Love, Meret

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Home-Meret - Life. Unrestricted. Boost your body image and recover from food & exercise madness.

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Hi there, I'm Meret. (Uhm... this is my first shot at a blog, so excuse me for getting a little giddy. ) Before you get to know me a little better, I'd like to say thank you: Thank you, all of you lovely people out there!

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It is late afternoon on a sunny day in Vermont and around a dozen people are gathered to talk about their bodies. They're all staying at Green Mountain at Fox Run, a retreat where women (and only women) stay from one week to several months to learn healthy eating habits and make peace with their bodies. It's much more bare bones than a spa, and rather than focus on numbers, like a typical weight-loss program, the aim is to teach women how to change the way they think about food. The days are structured, with classes on meal planning, goal setting, self-care, and workouts like yoga and strength training. Even meals are to be eaten mindfully, with a weekly exercise that involves savoring every bite of a tiny dessert.

That journey to peace is a lot easier said than done, as the group, who range from college age to their 40s, is learning in the Body Neutrality workshop, led by the program director Anne Poirier, BS, CSCS, CIEC, whose previous job was running the fitness program at Colby-Sawyer College. She has prompted everyone to consider "what your body felt like and looked like at different times in your life" and they're all jotting notes down in a binder with Green Mountain's "womanifesto" printed on it ("too often, our lives play out on the stage between our ears"). A blonde in her 30s talks about being a former competitive swimmer who feels shame because she gained weight; a brunette next to her talks about how, despite losing half her body weight in college, she always feels obese.

Poirier listens to all of this and nods. "There's a whole movement talking about loving our bodies. But it's kind of a long jump to move there from dissatisfaction," she says. "Some people are just going to land in body neutrality, which is the term we utilize here for somewhere in the middle." It's a kind of détente, a white flag, a way station between hating oneself and loving oneself.

If we judged how we felt as a culture about our bodies just by Instagram alone, the results would be mixed at best. There are the celebrities shilling sketchy tea detoxes, all the sweaty post-workout selfies our friends post, and countless pretty, proportionate girls in an array of sizes posing in bikinis encouraging all of us, no matter our weight, to embrace our curves, to shun diets, to just love our bodies - and, by extension, ourselves -already.

"My problem with body love, beside the fact that it's a high standard, is it's asking women to regulate their emotions, not just their bodies," says Autumn Whitefield-Madrano, author of Face Value: The Hidden Ways Beauty Shapes Women's Lives. "I don't see the pressure on women really easing up, and then you're supposed to have this bulletproof self-esteem on top of all that. It's not something we can really live up to. Body love keeps the focus on the body. The times I'm happiest are when I'm not thinking about my body at all."

The way that we feel about our bodies, she notes, is not a simple upward graph where one day we vow to love ourselves and each day we progress forward on the journey to embracing our thighs that touch or total lack of six-pack abs. "It's a topographical map, it's fluctuating. And that's normal and healthy."

Another thing that's unavoidable: feeling less than unqualified joy about what you see in the mirror. "If you're even a tiny bit of a critical person, there are always things that are wrong with everything. We have this notion of love that is connected to perfectionism - the image that we should be in bliss all the time is so strong in our culture," says Joan Chrisler, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Connecticut College in New London. What might instead be a more successful and realistic approach is to think, "You have the body you have and accept what you have. It's an essential part of yourself." At least it's something to work toward.

"I don't think I know anybody who walks around every day thinking, 'I am loving this today,'" says Kelsey Miller with a laugh. She's the 29-year-old New York-based author of the memoir Big Girl: How I Gave Up Dieting and Got a Life. Perhaps ironically, while she was writing the book about learning to love her body, she was working around the clock, barely having time to exercise and living on takeout by necessity. "I put on weight. I was thinking, here I am supposed to be body positive but I don't feel psyched about this right now."

She vowed not to let it ruin her life, nor her sense of accomplishment at finishing a book, even if she wasn't her most satisfied. Part of the implicit goal of body neutrality is to free up all the energy and attention that women often devote to body angst so that they can care about other matters instead. "I realized my body is going along with my life, and there's nothing wrong with that - I hadn't committed a terrible crime. If I can't like this, I have to be able to accept it, otherwise I'm not going to live my life." One thing she committed to was to stay resolutely in the present, with no place for magical thinking about losing ten pounds in a week. In the weeks that followed, she didn't go on a crash diet or start weighing herself religiously to mark her progress, but instead simply let her life return to normal. Miller went to barre classes and "remembered what a joy it was to make my own damn breakfast," she laughs. "I don't weigh myself but I know I've lost some weight. My message to my body was, thanks for getting me through this and not breaking down, and now I can devote time to doing what makes you feel good: sweating, eating homemade food, going to sleep."

Wanting to be fit isn't antithetical to body neutrality, nor is dieting. "But it's a tricky balance," says Elena Ramirez, Ph.D., a clinical assistant professor of psychology at the University of Vermont in Burlington. "It's reasonable, if someone is overweight, that they should lose weight. It's all about moderation and being grounded in reality instead of avoiding the issue." Body neutrality isn't a license to throw in the towel, dive head-first into a pile of chips, and give up on feeling healthy, but to move on from the mindset of needing to lose weight or worrying about what you see in the mirror to focusing on how you feel. "It doesn't mean suddenly stopping things like being physically active or choosing nutritious foods. Just focus on what feels good: dancing, bike rides, going on a walk, eating more vegetables, meditating, taking a bubble bath, getting a massage," says Chrisler. "Sometimes you'll lose weight without trying. The important part is not delaying your happiness until then and remind yourself not to be so demanding."

Thirty-one-year-old Mara Glatzel is a life coach in Cape Cod who helps women come to terms with their bodies. But she wasn't always in such a good place. In fact, she uses the words "damaged" and "difficult" to describe her relationship with her body. "I was just constantly creating plans - diets, workouts - which all had to do with how I looked to somebody else," she says. So instead of jumping straight from a place of loathing to love, she shifted her focus to "things I was overlooking. I picked one or two things to focus on, really simple ones like brushing my teeth and making sure I washed my face before bed or drinking enough water," she says. " But it worked because I tried to turn down the volume of what I think about. Now I take good care of myself." For some of us, that's enough of a breakthrough right there.

Try thinking about your body the way you think about friends and family, says Ann Kearney-Cooke, Ph.D., director of the Cincinnati Psychotherapy Institute. "The way I like to look at this is, think about your best friend. Is she perfect? Well, no. Are you mean to her because she's not?" she says. "There is nobody out there who is a perfect ten emotionally or physically and yet people fall in love with people all the time. Look at your partner and you might say, 'Well, he has a receding hairline but is funny and loyal and has beautiful eyes.'"

Working on neutrality - and it is an ever-evolving process - is ultimately about how you want to allocate your time and focus. "Neutrality is the freedom to go about your day without such a strong focus on your body," says Kearney-Cooke. "We have only so much energy, where do we want to use it? There are lots of other things that need attention. You don't want to neglect your body, so you listen to it, and are aware of the function it serves."

Melissa A. Fabello, a 31-year-old Ph.D. candidate in Philadelphia, wrote a blog post on body neutrality in 2015 (the term seems to have been popping up on the internet for the past few years, but Green Mountain applied to trademark it last year) that sums up how it can be both a joy and a relief for those of us who have previously felt only body turmoil. Body neutrality is "going to the Cheesecake Factory and perusing their 'Skinnylicious' (ugh, I hate that name) menu just because you want more options to choose from," she wrote. "It's ordering S'mores cheesecake because it strikes you as sounding amazing. It's only eating half of it because that's when you get full. It's taking it home for later, in case you need a midnight snack."

Talking on the phone, Fabello said just the idea that a kind of peace with our bodies is possible is important. "I'm in a place where I can order pizza without a problem and not feel bad about myself all the time." But that was not always the case. As a conventionally attractive, relatively thin woman, she had a positive body image growing up. Then, she gained a lot of weight for her frame - around 25 pounds - when she went to college. In her early 20s, she was in an emotionally abusive relationship with a man who would tell her she was fat and needed to go to the gym. After he broke up with her, "I thought, well I'll show him," she says. "I went on the first serious diet of my life, spiraled out of control and was diagnosed with an eating disorder. After that I had to do some work to get to a place where I felt okay about myself."

One thing she does is recognize that negative thoughts about her body are a pattern, one she doesn't have to just succumb to. "We spiral and make up stories about how bad they are. I don't have to place a value on it," she says. "So if I think, I don't like my thighs, I will think about my thighs in terms of how they actually are. What are the things I need my thighs for? They hold me up, I can walk, I can bend down. It sounds trite, but we lose sight that our bodies are to help us move through the world."

Back in Vermont at Green Mountain, Anne Poirier sits down after teaching and talks about her personal history. "My journey is yo-yo dieting, diet after diet, and never happy with my body. I'm tired and I don't like how much it has occupied my whole life." She calls all the space food talk takes up in her brain "Judge Foodie."

When asked about whether she has gotten to body acceptance, she shakes her head no. "I honor and respect my body. I like feeling strong, certain things I like, but I can't say I love it." Instead of sounding like a failure, the revelation that she's making her way through the spectrum of body hate to body love and falls somewhere in the middle makes it sound more real and more achievable. "Body neutrality is experiential and not something that happens overnight," says Poirier. "It's one awareness at a time, one thought at a time."

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Forget Body Positivity: How About Body Neutrality?

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It is late afternoon on a sunny day in Vermont and around a dozen people are gathered to talk about their bodies. They're all staying at Green Mountain at Fox Run, a retreat where women (and only women) stay from one week to several months to learn healthy eating habits and make peace with their bodies.

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In simplified terms, epigenetics is the study of biological mechanisms that will switch genes on and off. What does that mean? Well, if you are new to this whole thing, we first need a quick crash course in biochemistry and genetics:

Cells are fundamental working units of every human being. All the instructions required to direct their activities are contained within the chemical deoxyribonucleic acid, also known as DNA.

DNA from humans is made up of approximately 3 billion nucleotide bases. There are four fundamental types of bases that comprise DNA - adenine, cytosine, guanine, and thymine, commonly abbreviated as A, C, G, and T, respectively.

The sequence, or the order, of the bases is what determines our life instructions. Interestingly enough, our DNA sequence is mostly similar to that of a chimpanzee. Only a fraction of distinctively different sequences makes us human.

Within the 3 billion bases, there are about 20,000+ genes. Genes are specific sequences of bases that provide instructions on how to make important proteins - complex molecules that trigger various biological actions to carry out life functions.

Now that you understand genetics, let's learn about epi genetics. Epigenetics, essentially, affects how genes are read by cells, and subsequently how they produce proteins. Here are a few important points about epigenetics:

Epigenetics Controls Genes. Certain circumstances in life can cause genes to be silenced or expressed over time. In other words, they can be turned off (becoming dormant) or turned on (becoming active).

Epigenetics Is Everywhere. What you eat, where you live, who you interact with, when you sleep, how you exercise, even aging - all of these can eventually cause chemical modifications around the genes that will turn those genes on or off over time. Additionally, in certain diseases such as cancer or Alzheimer's, various genes will be switched into the opposite state, away from the normal/healthy state.

Epigenetics Makes Us Unique. Even though we are all human, why do some of us have blonde hair or darker skin? Why do some of us hate the taste of mushrooms or eggplants? Why are some of us more sociable than others? The different combinations of genes that are turned on or off is what makes each one of us unique. Furthermore, there have been indications that some epigenetic changes can be inherited.

Epigenetics Is Reversible. With 20,000+ genes, what will be the result of the different combinations of genes being turned on or off? The possible arrangements are enormous! But if we could map every single cause and effect of the different combinations, and if we could reverse the gene's state to keep the good while eliminating the bad... then we could theoretically* cure cancer, slow aging, stop obesity, and so much more.

Here's an analogy that might further help you to understand epigenetics. Think of the human life span as a very long movie. The cells would be the actors and actresses, essential units that make up the movie. DNA, in turn, would be the script - instructions for all the participants of the movie to perform their roles. Subsequently, the DNA sequence would be the words on the script, and certain blocks of these words that instruct key actions or events to take place would be the genes. The concept of genetics would be like screenwriting. Follow the analogy so far? Good. The concept of epi genetics, then, would be like directing. The script can be the same, but the director can choose to eliminate certain scenes or dialogue, altering the movie for better or worse. After all, Steven Spielberg's finished product would be drastically different than Woody Allen's for the same movie script, wouldn't it?
* Editor's Note: Be wary of self-help claims that exploit epigenetics and seem too good to be true. We recommend you read about the abuse of epigenetics and pseudoscience. Ready to learn epigenetics in further detail? Read on: Fundamentals of Epigenetics

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A Super Brief and Basic Explanation of Epigenetics for Total Beginners - What is Epigenetics?

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In simplified terms, epigenetics is the study of biological mechanisms that will switch genes on and off. What does that mean? Well, if you are new to this whole thing, we first need a quick crash course in biochemistry and genetics: Cells are fundamental working units of every human being.