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I like how you exaggerated the walk to your class. I also liked how you put such creative names in your story. I wish that you spelled “Margot” right because you put “Margo”

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I feel like your essay was greatly done. You had some good points in your story and it was pretty good. There was a lot of good character changes form going to shoving her in a closet to saving her life. It was good. There was a couple of grammar issues but other than that great job. also can I have the pass?

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Hola, Mid crocs! A strength in your essay, “Black Cleats,” In this you really show detail and expand and show the colors and types and describe this in detail. Also you go on to really show the readers how the cleats dig into the ground and grass. In addition, I like the way you give the background and say how this example that you gave was important and why the scene meant what it meant. You also tell the good effects and bad effects and why it’s happening. Yet, a suggestion I would like to offer you is a more realistic value like you said in the first sentence “In the green muddy turf.” This doesn't make any sense because turf can’t be muddy because it’s turf and doesn’t contain turf. It's important to add this because you can really help the readers understand and not be mid. Although, Great essay mid Croc!

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Hey, Joel! I think your essay is very good and I agree with your position. I liked how you went into talking about Messi and how he wouldn’t be the soccer player he is today without school sports. I also like your scenario and how the turph is muddy. That was a good descriptive word! However, I think that you could have stayed more on topic about the significance of school sports and not about the importance of practice.

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Joel, something that stood out to me in your memoir was your description, the way you described the turf, how it was a double sided blade. You tell us how the sun is like a barbecue and how your feet are hammers in the ground. Another thing I realized was your inner thoughts sort of narrating the story intensely. In the piece you showed your. Thoughts on the consequences if you missed the pk, how your coach might bench you in disappointment or your teammates might shame you for missing a free pk. One thing I wish you would've told me was the score or how it might’ve affected the game if you had missed it, like if it would tie the game and you were feeling the pressure or it might have given the lead. That background knowledge would have helped me understand the story more but you did an amazing job Joel!

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A strength your memoir has is all the details you included like that your shoe size was a 10.5 but you were wearing a 9.5. Another amazing thing about your memoir was that you could hear all your teammates and coach cheering but all of that faded out to the sound of the other team booing. A weakness your memoir has is that maybe you could have put other details in like were you home or away and what your team's name is and the other teams name, but other than that it was really good.

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a strength in your memoir “ when i scored the penalty,” was when you said “ the grass was like a double edged sword.” This really helped me understand how the grass felt for you. Another good part in your memoir was the amount of dialogue. It really made your small moment feel real when ever i read it. However when you said, “nets shot was to still go left corner to go right or left And when I kicked it with all the might i had in me was like the ball was wet and slippery” I was sorta confused of what you were trying to say. Otherwise this was a good memoir.

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you got strate to the point saying “I love soccer.” Talks about what he wants to do which is great. He needs to work on his ending and his intro

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First of all, I like how you talked about your goals. I like your response “because if you don’t have a good paying job you can't really do anything.” I also agree that you do need a good job. I love how you said your goal is to be successful, you didn’t say where you want to be successful and I like that because it doesn’t matter as long as you are still successful. Another thing that intrigued me was how descriptive you were with soccer. Especially how you said “there is nothing that I love more than getting on the turf and doing the thing I love.” I love how you put that, it really shows your love for soccer. Another great detail is how you said where you played because it really gave me an idea of what kind of player you are. My one wish is that you put more detail into other things you like, it was a little vague when you said “also i like when it's raining and I’m sleeping” so maybe put a little more detail into that part but other than that it was a great piece.

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I like how you elaborate on your words and I like soccer too. And i like you quote life is like riding a bicycle you have to stay blanched to keep going. I think you should of put more information in.