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You did really well for this unit. I feel like you could have tried not to put personal pronouns in this essay but you still did a great job lengthiness out your warrant and making it really good. Also and anecdote besides the personal pronouns were insane and really good so I feel like you did an amazing job. (Besides personal pronouns) 10/10

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Your essay was amazing! It was bulky with all of the information needed but yet, easy to read! Also, the way that you shaped your paragraph made it feel like I was reading a picture book. Very easy to read and in a way that I could read it! All I have for a wish is for you to add a title. That’s literally it. Your essay was perfect i just needed a title to finish off my two stars and a wish.

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Tommy, I really am impressed. You went through all of this and you live to tell the tale and your ending, it's so powerful and you are 1000% correct. It’s in fact amazing what we have evolved to and made. Another thing I liked was how you described the incident and how horrific it was at the moment, the details are outstanding. Another thing I noticed was there were a bit too many parts with dialogue and little inner thoughts and you could have shown us more so that we could understand what you were thinking in that moment, The story did feel a little rushed but amazing job Tommy!

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A strength that was in your memoir was your hook, “Did you know that the closest star to the sun  is Alpha Centauri? It’s 4.2465 Light Years away from the sun, and that the farthest star from the sun is lcarus and it's 9 Billion light years away. Best part is that it's Blue! Sometimes I think about that whenever I’m coming home and how lucky I am not to need to live that long and go all that way hom” this hook really made the reader pulled in.Also I really like that your inner thoughts were following with the moment and really made your piece better.One thing that I feel you can add on to was how you felt when the car went under you and describe the moment.

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I absolutely adore your intro and how it pulled me in and I wanted to read more. I also like how well you explained every moment that happened in that moment. Your piece was so great in fact that I’m going to give it a third star. Another thing that was super great about your piece was your description. For example when you described the GUI yes in the car and what they were wearing.

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I like how you were very serious about the situation with your beautiful writing. I like how you were very discriptive and how you were using similies and inner thoughts. I wish that you could have slowed down the end a little bit.

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So, I think that your story was amazing! It was so descriptive and I feel like you captured the moment so well like it was a actually book, because I felt like I was there in the moment. I just wish that you fixed up your punctuation at the beginning, other than that amazing job!

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The strength of your awesome memoir was your lesson at the end. It was really powerful about flames getting snuffed out and not being able to buy a life. It was a very exciting memoir and am glad you're okay. I wish you would have added a little bit more detail after the crash about when you all found out you were all okay and when you got out of the car. Nice job Tommy! By the way, where do I find this book? Sounds great.

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Hey everyone, i got some complaints that my memoir was restricted and that no one could access it. I went back in and made some changes so you can read away! Have fun everybody!

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I like the idea of your book! Sounds heavily inspired by Attack on titan! I hope people like your book! That beach house sounded nice! I wish I had a beach house like that! And finally, the criticism. I don’t think reading pupils is a good opening. I mean, who wants to be known as the reading pupil. But overall, I hope you make good writing!

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I really liked how confident you were while writing, like explaining that you were energetic to a lot of people. You have really good confidence. I also liked listening to the preview of your book, it sounds interesting. Only thing you need not check in punctuation and spelling. But it was still really good!

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I really liked how confident you were while writing, like explaining that you were energetic to a lot of people. You have really good confidence. I also liked listening to the preview of your book, it sounds interesting. Only thing you need not check in punctuation and spelling. But it was still really good!

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I really like how there was a preview to your awesome book and how there was a cliffhanger but you already know I know the reference. Anyways I like how you talked about your other likes and  your beginning. All I could say is to check your punctuation and spelling but other than that it was spectacular.