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Second City Works: Move Fast & Fix Things

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Second City Works: Move Fast & Fix Things

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Kelly welcomes Harvard professor Frances Frei back to the podcast along with leadership coach Anne Morriss to talk about their new book: "Move Fast and Fix Things: The Trusted Leader's Guide to Solving Hard Problems."

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You write that the cornerstone of your work is that leadership is the practice of imperfect human beings leading imperfect humans. That's not something you hear people talk about very much in this field.

"A lot of people fall into this idea that there is some kind of perfection and rainbow state for leadership, and I'm here to break that fantasy because we end up performing leadership instead of actually leading. I would also add, Kelly, that the burden of perfectionism, I'm not sure that it hits all people equally. I know I've been liberated from it my whole life, and it feels like it's been a competitive advantage. But there's a bunch of people that suffer from the burden of perfectionism for themselves, and then in their judgment of others."

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And I guess that if you acknowledge the imperfections that are inherent in all of us and our organizations, it makes it easier to make discoveries and solve problems, right?

"We're interested in the outcome of the hard truth that we are all flawed, and those imperfections are reflected, then, in the organizations that we build. And when you start there, when that's not your dirty little secret that you're dragging into the office when that's the starting point, and it happens to be a universal starting point, then you're free to go figure it out. What's working? What's not working? How do we run an experiment to get to a better place together? And how do I bring other people along? Because we sometimes get pulled into this idea that it is our secret that we're not getting everything right."

What's unusual about this book is that it operates really like a playbook - you give the reader specific prompts for every day of the working week.

"We quote this in the book and all the time, but no one has ever said to us, you know, I wish I had taken longer and done less - no one ever. So, if that's the jumping off point, then what? What does it look like to actually move fast? And that's the challenge we gave ourselves for this book. How do you move fast and not break things? Because the prevailing ethos in our world is that it's inevitable, and that assumption wasn't lining up at all with our experience. So, we really gave ourselves a challenge of turning this into a playbook."

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Second City Works | 'Getting to Yes, And' Podcast - Frances Frei and Anne Morris: Move Fast and Fix Things

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Guest: Frances Frei and Anne Morriss | Kelly welcomes Harvard professor Frances Frei back to the podcast along with leadership coach Anne Morriss to talk about their new book: "Move Fast and Fix Things: The Trusted Leader's Guide to Solving Hard Problems."

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Kelly has a timely conversation with Harvard University professor Michèle Lamont to discuss her new book "Seeing Others: How Recognition Works and How it Can Heal a Divided World."

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I think it will surprise people to understand the kind of damage that happens - not just when someone is put down - but when they are not considered or seen at all.

"I'm so glad you're pointing to that piece of evidence, because this is something that many people don't know. And it means that working class people never see positive representations of themselves in the mainstream media. All they see is glorification of rich people or glorification of professionals. I connect this directly with the opioid epidemic and deaths by despair. It's been a story of steady decline for the last 50 years. So the first 2 chapters of the books are really downers, because it explains not only the growing inequality figures you mentioned, but also the way in which a society that is so deeply organized around the celebration of college educated professionals, and managers, is constantly sending to others the notion that they are outside, and that no matter what they do, it's really difficult to feel worthy."

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Also, when people soak in ideas like "grit," they assume that people who are disadvantaged just didn't work as hard as they did or should.

"Yeah, yeah. Because you know the concept of grit as Angela Duckworth formulated is very much, an internal capacity to meet challenges. You know, it also kind of downplays the environmental determinants. So instead, I promote this notion of social resilience, which asks the question, 'How do you create a society that gives people the tools they need to be able to deal with the challenges that come their way.' So that's very different. We can engineer our society differently."

I'm curious how much faith you have in Generation Z around these issues?

"As we all know, the pandemic was really hard on them. Many of them have had mental health issues, and their solution is to create the world they want to live in right now, and not when they are 60. They don't want to jump on the hedonistic treadmill of consumption. Instead, they believe that living together in a more inclusive society, in a more caring society, a less hierarchical society is how we're going to get happier. I'm not saying they all do this. But there are major themes in the way they approach their life, and one of them is the idea of social inclusion, and they are very involved in politics, too. And they are pushing a lot of the current revival of the workers unionization push which is tied to the involvement of Gen. Z."

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Photo Credit: Mark Ostow

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Second City Works | 'Getting to Yes, And' Podcast - Michèle Lamont: Seeing Others

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Guest: Michèle Lamont | Kelly has a timely conversation with Harvard University professor Michèle Lamont to discuss her new book "Seeing Others: How Recognition Works and How it Can Heal a Divided World."

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HBR: How Do I Communicate With More Tact? 

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HBR: How Do I Communicate With More Tact? 

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A leader must build interpersonal communication skills to reach the next level in his career.

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HBR: How Authority & Decision-Making Differ Across Cultures

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HBR: How Authority & Decision-Making Differ Across Cultures

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Erin Meyer, professor at INSEAD, discusses management hierarchy and decision-making across cultures. Turns out, these two things don't always track together. Sometimes top-down cultures still have strong consensus-driven decision-making styles - and the other way around. Meyer helps break down and map these factors so that managers working across cultures can adapt. She's the author of the article, "Being the Boss in Brussels, Boston, and Beijing" in the July-August 2017 issue of Harvard Business Review.

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How Authority and Decision-Making Differ Across Cultures

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Erin Meyer, professor at INSEAD, discusses management hierarchy and decision-making across cultures. Turns out, these two things don't always track together. Sometimes top-down cultures still have strong consensus-driven decision-making styles - and the other way around. Meyer helps break down and map these factors so that managers working across cultures can adapt.

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HBR: 20 Questions to Ask When Your Team's Vibe is Off

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HBR: 20 Questions to Ask When Your Team's Vibe is Off

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Has your team lost sight of its purpose and the goals you're working toward together? If so, it might be time for a team reset that focuses on realignment. Or, maybe your team just doesn't feel like a team anymore? Maybe team members feel disconnected, invalidated, or frustrated, and even minor issues are creating friction? In that case, your reset must focus on revitalizing your team dynamic. This article focuses on some approaches that managers can use to address alignment gaps to jump-start a new, healthier, happier team dynamic.

Is your team feeling stuck, stymied, or just a bit stale? Have you fallen into routines that are no longer serving you? It's okay; teams need occasional course corrections, even in calm waters. And in today's stormy seas, you might need to chart a whole new course as we navigate return-to-office and hybrid work arrangements. The good news is that resetting your team can be easier than you think.

Accelerate your career with Harvard ManageMentor®. HBR Learning's online leadership training helps you hone your skills with courses like Leading People. Earn badges to share on LinkedIn and your resume. Access more than 40 courses trusted by Fortune 500 companies.

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20 Questions to Ask When Your Team's Vibe Is Off

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Has your team lost sight of its purpose and the goals you're working toward together? If so, it might be time for a team reset that focuses on realignment. Or, maybe your team just doesn't feel like a team anymore? Maybe team members feel disconnected, invalidated, or frustrated, and even minor issues are creating friction?

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Professor and author Richard Boyatzis takes questions from listeners who are struggling to keep their teams engaged.

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The Next Big Idea: FAILURE: The Science of Learning From Your Mistakes

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LinkedIn The Next Big Idea Podcast: Failure - The Science of Learning From Your Mistakes 

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LinkedIn The Next Big Idea Podcast: Failure - The Science of Learning From Your Mistakes 

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The Next Big Idea: FAILURE: The Science of Learning From Your Mistakes

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Failure is inevitable. How we respond to it makes all the difference. Today, Harvard Business School professor Amy Edmondson joins us to discuss the critical distinction between destructive failures and intelligent mistakes that drive innovation.

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LifeLab Learning Feedback Culture Workshop

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LifeLab Learning Feedback Culture Workshop

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Listen to this episode from The LeaderLab powered by LifeLabs Learning on Spotify. Now that we've learned what it takes to grow kind from a systems level, it's time to get a little more granular. In this series, we'll discuss how leaders can play an active role in helping their teams and people through periods of growth in the kindest way possible.

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HBR: How to Actually Encourage Employee Accountability

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HBR: How to Actually Encourage Employee Accountability

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How to Actually Encourage Employee Accountability

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Companies have been struggling to define and improve accountability processes -from annual performance appraisals to routine check-ins with the boss - for decades, and most employees still dread the conversations. Most of these processes usually result in forced categorizations in the form of numbers or labels, which can make employees feel threatened, demeaned, and insignificant.

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KornFerry: How to Lead Humans, Not Workers

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KornFerry: How to Lead Humans, Not Workers

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How to lead humans, not workers

Relationships are the currency of influence in any workplace. The stronger your emotional connection with your people, the better placed you'll be to have them pulling behind you.

61% of CEOs value genuine leadership.... where leaders are more empathetic, caring and interested in people.

People put in 57% more effort when working for good leaders.

And the results show. 22% of the difference in financial performance, over a five year period, relates to trust in the senior leadership of the organization.

When we put the humanity of others at the heart of commercial life, it not only helps us make wiser decisions, but builds collective trust, loyalty and engagement that pay dividends beyond incentive plans and brand campaigns.

Here are 6 ways to be a more human leader:
1. Make work matter
Rally your people around a shared sense of purpose.

There is an increasing hunger to have a deeper sense of meaning in our work. And a closer connection between what we do and how it serves a greater good.
"More and more, today's employees want to be connected to a broader purpose"
2. Make communications personal

Share personal anecdotes to make you more relatable.

People want to know you're a human they can relate to, not someone who thinks they are a little better than everyone else. Weave your story and share your heartfelt vision with honesty and humility.
"There is a storyteller in all of us. We just need to find it and have the courage to offer it."
3. Make empathy everything
Lead from the heart, not just the head.

People want to know that those who lead their company care about them as human beings, not just people doing a job. Speak to what matters to them and be intentional about creating space for connection.
"Listening is really important if you're trying to lead an organization, shape and develop a culture, and meet people where they're at, and help them get to where we need to go." 4. Make mistakes okay
Create a culture where fear of failure stifles no one.

Reward courageous action and smart risk taking, not just the winning results. When actions fall short of ideal outcomes, focus on extracting all the learning and leveraging it across the organization.
"One of the biggest decisions is to get comfortable with risk-taking - that is when growth happens." 5. Make your people feel connected
Make your people feel like they belong, feel connected and part of something bigger.
Foster collaboration by asking questions, active listening and regular communication. Leaders who rely on post-decision explanations miss valuable opportunities to build engagement.
"Listen to all voices but be careful what you're asking. You might not be hearing them because you haven't asked the right question. I do skip-level meetings and any time anybody sends me a note, I write them back." 6. Make learning continuous
Embrace honesty about your strengths and weaknesses.

Role model curiosity and a learning mindset even if it occasionally risks you struggling to master a new skill. Share your experience of trying to get it right versus always being right. Your example makes it safer for others to risk the vulnerability that learning requires.
"The first [thing] is being a leader learning out loud, in front of people, on a journey, being authentically open about not knowing, and being willing to learn it together."

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The stronger your emotional connection with your people is, the better placed you'll be to have them pulling behind you.

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Ted: The Power of Unconventional Thinking

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Ted: The Power of Unconventional Thinking

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From World War I to the 2008 economic collapse and beyond, history shows that economists don’t always see the future as clearly as they think they do, says economist David McWilliams. Using the words of W.B. Yeats, McWilliams makes the case for embracing unconventional thinkers – poets, artists and musicians – and offers a creative path towards a world filled with less confirmation bias and more understanding.

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How Do I More Effectively Build Stakeholder Alignment?

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HBR: Coaching Real Leaders Podcast | How Do I More Effectively Build Stakeholder Alliance 

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HBR: Coaching Real Leaders Podcast | How Do I More Effectively Build Stakeholder Alliance 

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He's a leader with a growing team, and he enjoys people management. But he's struggling to influence those outside of his team and build trust with stakeholders. Host Muriel Wilkins coaches him through developing some of the skills he needs to gain stakeholder alignment while driving for results.

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How Do I More Effectively Build Stakeholder Alignment?

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A senior leader must learn how to gain trust with his stakeholders.

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Understanding the Power of Intrinsic Motivation

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HBR: Understanding the Power of Intrinsic Motivation 

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HBR: Understanding the Power of Intrinsic Motivation 

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At some point, we all are assigned to work that we find tedious and unchallenging. If we don't figure out how to turn these tasks into interesting and challenging problems to solve, we'll struggle to complete tasks in a timely and reliable manner, sabotaging our own success and growth at work. One skill that can help you do this is intrinsic motivation, or the incentive you feel to complete a task simply because you find it interesting or enjoyable. Learning how to harness this skill early in your career will help you build the resilience you need to reach your goals in any field. Here's how to get started.

Look to understand how your job fits into the bigger picture. If you don't feel like you're contributing value, you're more likely to become demotivated. The next time you're assigned a vague task ask: What problem are we trying to solve by doing this work? How am I helping contribute to the solution? When you know that your contributions have a purpose, your tasks will immediately feel more interesting.

Perform easy tasks right away. When we check items off our to-do lists, feel-good hormones are released in our brains. This makes us feel accomplished, which makes the task more interesting and rewarding, which in turn, makes us more motivated to do it.

Avoid too much "mindless" repetition. When a task starts to feel boring, it's often because the outcome of completing the task is no longer interesting to you. What can you do to change that, and make the outcome feel exciting? For example, can you challenge yourself to execute the task in less time while still achieving the same result or better?

Look for opportunities to help others. One of the easiest ways to tap into intrinsic motivation is to participate in activities you find inherently rewarding. Helping others is an easy way to do this.

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Understanding the Power of Intrinsic Motivation

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At some point, we all are assigned to work that we find tedious and unchallenging. If we don't figure out how to turn these tasks into interesting and challenging problems to solve, we'll struggle to complete tasks in a timely and reliable manner, sabotaging our own success and growth at work.

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Mindsets on the move: what effective management looks like today

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BetterUp: What Effective Management Looks Like Today

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BetterUp: What Effective Management Looks Like Today

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Mindsets on the move: what effective management looks like today

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We studied 17,000 frontline managers and observed an emerging leadership profile driving higher business and team performance.

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The Second City Works: Getting to Yes, And...

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The Second City Works: Getting to Yes, And...

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Second City Works presents "Getting to Yes, And"

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Listen to Second City Works presents "Getting to Yes, And" on Spotify. Second City Works presents "Getting to Yes, And" on WGN Plus from WGN Radio in Chicago.

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HBR: How to Connect Employees to Your Company's Purpose

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HBR: How to Connect Employees to Your Company's Purpose

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HBR: Building Consensuss Around Difficult Strategic Decisions

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HBR: Building Consensuss Around Difficult Strategic Decisions

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What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It)

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HBR: what Self-Awareness Really is (and How to Cultivate It) 

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HBR: what Self-Awareness Really is (and How to Cultivate It) 

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Although most people believe that they are self-aware, true self-awareness is a rare quality. In this piece, the author describes a recent large-scale investigation that shed light on some of the biggest roadblocks, myths, and truths about what self-awareness really is - and what it takes to cultivate it. Specifically, the study found that there are actually two distinct types of self-awareness, that experience and power can hinder self-awareness, and that introspection doesn't always make you more self-aware. Understanding these key points can help leaders learn to see themselves more clearly.

Self-awareness seems to have become the latest management buzzword - and for good reason. Research suggests that when we see ourselves clearly, we are more confident and more creative. We make sounder decisions, build stronger relationships, and communicate more effectively. We're less likely to lie, cheat, and steal. We are better workers who get more promotions. And we're more-effective leaders with more-satisfied employees and more-profitable companies.

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What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It)

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Although most people believe that they are self-aware, true self-awareness is a rare quality. In this piece, the author describes a recent large-scale investigation that shed light on some of the biggest roadblocks, myths, and truths about what self-awareness really is - and what it takes to cultivate it.

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Fast Company: 5 Traits That Separate Hi-Po Talent from Hi-Perf Talent 

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Fast Company: 5 Traits That Separate Hi-Po Talent from Hi-Perf Talent 

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Second City Works Podcast: Your brain on art

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Second City Works Podcast: Your brain on art

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Kelly talks to Susan Magsamen and Ivy Ross about the science behind art. The pair have written the book "Your Brain on Art: How the Arts Transforms Us."

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I was trying to figure out how to enter this conversation and I realized we had a management meeting where we began by playing the improv game "Red Ball:" A game where we had to toss an imaginary ball in a circle and it really connected us as a group.

"Bravo! That's good for you, and just so you know, I have always brought improv into everywhere I've worked in maybe 10 Fortune 500 companies. I always brought it in and now science is proving that even when you doodle you are able to focus more. And I think that's what the game that you're talking about is actually saying is that you remember. And I played that exact game - that you can remember people's names better."

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It's always stunning to me that the arts aren't as centered in education given their impact on learning - we should know this especially given the state of the world post COVID.

"It wasn't even the pandemic when we agreed to write the book. We had no idea the shape the world would be in, and the world needs it more now than ever, because it is our birthright. I mean, in tribal times - and still today - with indigenous tribes, they don't even have a word for art. It is the way they live. It's their culture, which is the way we as humans are wired. We are wired to have storytelling, dance, theater, graphics, all of that, as just the way we live. And we've gotten so transactional and so optimized for productivity that we push aside these arts. And now, more than ever, it's clear: We need to bring them back into our diet, and the consequences for leaving them on the sidelines, I think, are some of the things that we're feeling now."

The need for arts is beyond nice to have - this need is profound to us as a people.

"We're getting further and further away from each other. And when you really stop and think about the neurobiology of this, it's really profound. Of course, this started with the industrial revolution. And you know, we learned that science was the way forward. Rational thinking was a way forward, and we really stopped exploring these emotional states of being as knowledge, as embodied knowledge. And I think what we're seeing now is the marriage of arts and sciences are really coming back together to show us that it's balance and harmony that's really required for truly being human and thriving as humans."

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Second City Works | 'Getting to Yes, And' Podcast - Susan Magsamen & Ivy Ross: Your Brain on Art

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Guest: Susan Magsamen & Ivy Ross | Kelly talks to Susan Magsamen and Ivy Ross about the science behind art. The pair have written the book "Your Brain on Art: How the Arts Transforms Us."

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Inc: Finding & Nurturing Superpowers in Your Workers 

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Inc: Finding & Nurturing Superpowers in Your Workers 

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Finding and Nurturing the Superpowers in Your Workers

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This entrepreneur hires subject matter experts and then encourages humility

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HBR: The Surprising Power of Peer Coaching

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HBR: The Surprising Power of Peer Coaching

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Scientific American: Making Eye Contact Signals a New Turn in a Conversation

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Scientific American: Making Eye Contact Signals a New Turn in a Conversation

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What is found in a good conversation? It is certainly correct to say words-the more engagingly put, the better. But conversation also includes "eyes, smiles, the silences between the words," as the Swedish author Annika Thor wrote. It is when those elements hum along together that we feel most deeply engaged with, and most connected to, our conversational partner, as if we are in sync with them.

Like good conversationalists, neuroscientists at Dartmouth College have taken that idea and carried it to new places. As part of a series of studies on how two minds meet in real life, they reported surprising findings on the interplay of eye contact and the synchronization of neural activity between two people during conversation. In a paper published on September 14 in Proceedings of the Natural Academy of Sciences USA, the researchers suggest that being in tune with a conversational partner is good but that going in and out of alignment with them might be better.

Making eye contact has long been conceived as acting like a cohesive glue, connecting an individual to the person with whom they are talking. Its absence can signal social dysfunction. Similarly, the growing study of neural synchrony has focused on the positive aspects of alignment in brain activity between individuals.

In the new study, by using pupil dilation as a measure of synchrony during unstructured conversation, psychologist Thalia Wheatley and graduate student Sophie Wohltjen found that the moment of making eye contact marks a peak in shared attention-and not the beginning of a sustained period of locked gazes. Synchrony, in fact, drops sharply after looking into the eyes of your interlocutor and only begins to recover when you and that person look away from each other. "Eye contact is not eliciting synchrony; it's disrupting it," says Wheatley, senior author of the paper.

Why would this be? Conversation requires some level of synchrony, but Wheatley and lead study author Wohltjen speculate that breaking eye contact ultimately propels the conversation forward. "Perhaps what this is doing is allowing us to break synchrony and move back into our own heads so that we can bring forth new and individual contributions to keep the conversation going," Wohltjen says.

"It's a fantastic study," says psychiatrist and social neuroscientist Leonhard Schilbach of the Max Planck Institute of Psychiatry in Munich, who studies social interaction but was not involved in the research. He applauds the design of the experiment to replicate natural encounters and the focus on free-form conversation. The results suggest, he says, that "interpersonal synchrony is an important aspect of social interactions but may not always be desirable."

Others in the field are drawn to the researchers' creative way of thinking about conversation, which is described as "a platform where minds meet" in the paper. "Such a conceptualization may inspire other researchers to think about conversation differently and study it more deeply," says Juliana Schroeder, a social psychologist at the Haas School of Business at the University of California, Berkeley, who also was not involved in the research.

The new work builds on an earlier study by Wheatley and psychologist Olivia Kang, now at Harvard University, who showed that pupillary synchrony serves as a measure of shared attention. Our pupils get larger and smaller as a reflexive response to changes in light but also, to a lesser degree, when we are physiologically aroused. Kang and Wheatley tracked eye movements in speakers as they recounted positive or negative memories about their life. Then the researchers tracked the eye movements of people listening to the same stories at a later point in time. They found that the pupil dilation of the listeners synchronized to that of the speakers when there were emotional peaks in the stories. "We knew this was a marker of people being on the same page as each other," Wheatley says.

For the current paper, Wohltjen wanted to extend those earlier findings by studying face-to-face conversation in order to see how eye contact might influence shared attention in real time. She put 186 psychology students at Dartmouth, all relative strangers, into conversational pairs and asked them to talk for 10 minutes about anything they wanted while she tracked their eye movements. Participants also watched videos of their conversations and rated their remembered level of engagement minute by minute.

"We expected that eye contact worked like a cattle prod to get two people back onto the same wavelength," Wohltjen says. If that were so, the onset of eye contact should have led to a subsequent increase in pupillary synchrony. Instead the researchers found the opposite: a peak in synchrony at the onset followed by a decrease. But they also found that participants reported being more engaged when they were making eye contact. "We thought, 'Perhaps this making and breaking of eye contact must do something to help the conversation,'" Wohltjen says.

Previous studies of eye contact have generally been passive, as in Wheatley and Kang's earlier work. The real-world design of Wohltjen's experiment served as a reminder that most people naturally look at and away from each other many times during a conversation. Holding someone's gaze for too long-or not at all-can seem awkward. As the researchers thought further about what eye contact might be doing for us, they turned to the literature on creativity. There they recognized the constraints of too much synchrony. "If people are trying to innovate in some way, you don't want people in lockstep with each other," Wheatley says. "You want people to [say], 'What if we did this? What if we did that?' You need people to be providing their independent insights and building that way."

The idea that eye gaze can be used to modulate synchrony is intriguing to other researchers. "The elegant experimental approach [in this paper] might be helpful to quantitatively investigate psychiatric conditions, which can be described as 'disorders of social interaction,'" says Schilbach, who has studied gaze and other elements of social interaction in autism.

The findings also help explain the frustrations of Zoom and other video conferencing platforms, on which real eye contact is nearly impossible to make-or break-because of the positioning of cameras and windows on screens. (The paper's publication prompted a lively discussion of just that phenomenon on Twitter.)

Wheatley can imagine follow-up studies that examine a variety of conversational contexts. How does the dynamic dance between making and breaking synchrony play out when a parent is instructing a child, for instance? Presumably, in that situation, a parent would be hoping for the child's full attention and therefore complete synchrony. On the other hand, perhaps the study helps explain why long car rides, in which people do not look at each other the whole time, are often conducive to deep conversation.

"There might be an optimal sweet spot in this coupling, decoupling thing-where people are really listening to each other, but they're also fueling the conversation with new ideas," Wheatley says. "Those conversations might be the most fun."

A version of this article with the title "Losing Contact" was adapted for inclusion in the December 2021 issue of Scientific American.

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Making Eye Contact Signals a New Turn in a Conversation

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Neuroscientists have uncovered an intriguing subtlety in how we communicate-that is, when we’re not on Zoom

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BetterUp: Eye Contact is Important (Crucial Really) in Communication

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BetterUp: Eye Contact is Important (Crucial Really) in Communication

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Making eye contact isn't always easy.

It can feel awkward at times, especially when you haven't yet built a bond with the other person.

But why is eye contact important in the first place?

Let's uncover why eye contact matters and what you can do to improve your eye contact skills.

The importance of eye contact in communication

Eye contact is an important part of communication. But in order to understand why, we must first answer an important question:

What does eye contact mean?

Eye contact is what happens when two people look at each other's eyes at the same time. This is a form of nonverbal communication that humans use to communicate many forms of emotions.

Unlike other primates, we can easily see where humans are looking because of the amount of white surrounding our irises. As a result, we know where someone is looking even when their head doesn't move.

This is why eye contact plays a huge role in communication.

Let's explore four reasons why eye contact communication is important:

1. Bond with others

Research has shown that eye contact activates the limbic mirror system. This means that the same neurons that are firing in someone's brain will also fire in yours when you share eye contact with them.

So, if their eyes are communicating joy, neurons on your end will also fire to feel joy.

This sharing of emotional states can help you bond with others and increase empathy between individuals.

2. Display honesty

Good eye contact is an important display of honesty during a conversation.

The eyes are a central part of nonverbal communication. They show a range of emotions that words won't always speak. And honesty can help two people build trust.

3. Increase your resistance to persuasion

Research has shown that directeye contact can make you more resistant to persuasion and influence tactics. You can use this nonverbal cue to be more aware of other people's influence over you.

4. Improve understanding between people

It's easy to have misunderstandings, even when two people believe they're both listening intently. Making eye contact helps both people focus on the conversation and read facial expressions. This can improve understanding.

And improving understanding can significantly improve communication between two people.

5. Build respect

Finally, making eye contact shows and earns respect.

Of course, it takes more than eye contact alone to nurture respect in a relationship. But it plays an important role. Looking someone in the eyes shows them that you think they are important.

3 things everyone should know about eye contact

Eye contact is beneficial for the reasons we mentioned above, but there are other facts that make it an interesting and important concept.

Let's take a look at three of them:

1. Eye contact helps others remember what you said

When you share eye contact during a conversation, you'll remember more of what the other person said.

The reverse is true as well. Other people will retain more of what you said.

Research found that during a video call, participants retained more of the information from the call when there was more eye contact involved. And, people don't even need a huge amount of eye contact to get this benefit.

The researchers found that a direct gaze for 30% of the interaction is all it takes for participants to significantly increase what they remembered from the call.

2. Eye contact can help with self-awareness

Being self-aware means that you are aware of what's currently happening with your body. And eye contact can help with that, according to research from the University of Paris.

Their research found that people are more self-aware when they're making effective eye contact than when they're avoiding eye contact.

Researchers theorize that we're more focused on our own bodies and behavior when other people look at us.

3. Eye contact creates attraction

Eye contact attraction is a real thing. Research shows that humansfind other people more attractive when they make eye contact.

Smiling can also help create attraction.

While this is important for personal relationships, it also matters at work. Colleagues and leaders will be more inclined to build relationships with you when you look them in the eye.

On the other hand, no eye contact can show a lack of confidence.

Tips for making eye contact

If you find that your eyes wander away from the other person's eyes during social interactions, or if you have social anxiety, here are five tips you can use to improve and make eye contact more often.

You'll also learn how to maintain eye contact during an entire conversation.

1. Make eye contact before you start talking

Before you utter your first word, make eye contact. When the contact is established, you can start talking face-to-face.

2. Hold your gaze for 4 to 5 seconds at a time

Not sure how long you should hold another person's gaze or how much eye contact to make? Try looking into people's eyes for four to five seconds at a time.

Instead of looking down when you break eye contact, look to the side. Then, you can resume eye contact.

3. Use gestures

Do you ever feel uncomfortable and want to break eye contact? Instead of just looking away, try using gestures and body language.

You can nod, use your hands, or use other gestures that you usually make during a conversation.

This will look more natural than just looking away.

4. Move your eyes slowly

Avoid looking away too quickly when you break eye contact. This can make you seem nervous.

Instead, look away slowly.

5. Maintain eye contact 50% of the time

When you're having a discussion with someone, use the 50/70 rule. This means you should hold eye contact between 50%-70% of the time.

Maintain this amount of eye contact both while you are talking and while you are listening.

Why is eye contact important: the key to building relationships at work

Eye contact can help you improve your personal relationships. It can also help you increase respect and trust at work.

If you struggle to make eye contact, you can improve your communication skills at work (and do much more) with BetterUp's coaching platform.

Request a custom demo to see how it can help you advance your career.

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Eye Contact Is Important (Crucial Really) in Communication

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Learn why eye contact is important when making conversation with other people, and get some tips for making eye contact if you struggle with the concept.