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(Weather, Mary Oliver, Tolkien, Homestead Life)

Much of my love for Mary Oliver comes from the leisure and peace I feel while reading her poetry. Though often dealing with nature and philosophies of life - I often think very deeply about them alongside the "play" of her poems. I imagine her poems to be how life would be like if I lived on a homestead with a small orchard and runner ducks and a big window in my kitchen. Work in the garden and cooking and taking care of animals is not work-work, it is work-play.

What I've been trying to work on this semester is not getting caught up in my busy-ness and thinking, "This is bad. I really wish I were gardening right now. I hate theatre because I'm so busy." I am attempting to implement a consciousness of that mindset, and therefore installing a defense mechanism against it which strikes a balance and reminds me that this is play. And my collaborators will have so much more fun if I am having fun. Moods are infectious, words even moreso.

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(Big Ol' Family, Adventure, Brené Brown, The Army)

Big parts of my identity are being an Army Kid from a Big Family. This is an environment that has always required focus, desiring to be respectful and being respected in return, organization and most of all: control. I think control, though paired with a fairly negative connotation, is both a good and a bad thing. I know firsthand that a limitation of mine is desiring being in control, because I trust myself above most others creatively, with work-ethic and with time management. However, another aspect of my identity that combats that is adventure. Adventure means enjoying having a loss of control and rigidity. I have tried to find a delicate balance of the two in my collaboration process this semester, and I feel that it has gone well (reflecting back; poorly at times). It is an uphill battle and a limitation I will continue to work on. I have started checking in with my collaborators to ensure I am not bulldozing them or taking too much control. :)

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(Self Awareness, Kindness, Seeking to Understand, Serenity and Enjoyment)

I have discovered this semester, primarily through this class, what my values appear like in conversation as stepstones for living the way I want to live, and the way I want to impact others. Respectful disagreements with my peers in this class have shown me that my values may differ from others'. I have observed values that are foreign to me, and I have interacted in ways that I am very proud of, even if I may have felt quick to anger. I have learned how to better understand my values and how to articulate them in difficult scenarios or in disagreement and conflict. I have learned how to better control my emotions and focus more on my values and the kind of person I want to be - the kind of collaborations I want to have.