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Face saving strategies: what they are and how my friends and I use them.

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As Erving Goffman says, we worry about what others think of us, therefore, we try to show and maintain the identity we have created for ourselves. When we are in a difficult situation and there are other people around us, we use strategies “to save face”, that means, not to lose the image of ourselves that we present in society, so as not to lose our social status. Face-saving is particularly important in cultures where personal status is the primary means of trusting relationships.

In addition to saving our own face, we can also save the face of others. We can do this passively or actively. Passive face-saving means avoiding doing or saying things that could embarrass the other person. Active face-saving, on the other hand, occurs when you help someone avoid losing face, for example, by taking the blame on their behalf or not exerting power over them. This is what the Politeness Theory studies. It is a theory proposed by Penelope Brown and Stephen Levinson in 1987, and it focuses on the concept of politeness. Politeness can be defined as showing awareness and consideration of another person's face. A person's face was distinguished into positive and negative. Whereas positive face involves a desire for connection with others, negative face needs include autonomy and independence.

My friends and I also save face for each other. For example, when I talk to my closest friends and share embarrassing confidences about things that happened to me, I know I can relax because they won't tell anyone, and vice versa. Or in a group, when someone is getting embarrassed in a certain social situation, I try to change the subject, diverting attention away from their discomfort.

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An experience I have had in my life in which I had to communicate across cultures. 

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As explained by Bob Dignen in his book "Communicating Across Cultures," culture is what makes people different. I believe that talking to people from different cultures is very helpful in expanding the mind and learning different ways of interacting. The English language can be useful for communicating with people from other cultures, so I consider it essential to know.

I lived in Germany for a year. I didn't speak German, so I used English to communicate. Since I wasn't very good at it, I had trouble understanding others and making them understand me. I often had to ask them to speak more slowly or repeat themselves.

I noticed that thinking in a different language made me question things I had taken for granted. It allowed me to be more open to different ways of communicating and to be more receptive to others. When you engage with a new culture, it helps you see your own culture from a different perspective.

I learned new customs, lifestyles, and habits during my time there. In an increasingly multicultural world, I believe the question we should ask ourselves when we meet someone from a different culture is, "What can I learn from this new experience?"

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In this video il Dr Carr-Gregg explains 8 secrets of happy people by using positive psychology.

He explains how happiness leads to successful work and relationship outcomes, including a higher likelihood of marriage, stronger social support, higher income, more creativity, and greater productivity. Happy individuals are more likely to self-regulate and cope with adversity, have a healthier immune function, and live longer than less happy individuals. Moreover, it has been shown that happier people are more cooperative, charitable, and pro-social. Dr. Carr-Gregg then explains 8 key strategies, that schools should adopt, to improve individuals' well-being. These are:

1. Counting one's blessings, being grateful for what we have and what happens to us;

2. Practicing acts of kindness;

3. Savoring the joys of life, such as the scent of a rose or a beautiful sunset;

4. Investing time and energy in family and friends;

5. Developing strategies to cope with stress and hardship;

6. Thanking the person or people who help us;

7. Taking care of one's body;

8. Practicing acts of forgiveness.

I believe these are all good tips to stay more aware of the world around us and our own feelings. They help us focus on the positive side of things in any situation. However, it's not easy, especially for people who can't find meaning in their lives. For them, these ideas might seem empty. Sometimes, we all need assistance when we're feeling negative. We need someone to show us how to do the things mentioned.

I think these strategies are excellent because they can change the way we see things if we make them a part of our lives. But just doing them may not be enough to find happiness. Each of us has a unique story, and it's important to understand our own stories better to find happiness. I also believe that even unhappiness serves to find happiness through understanding, growth, and self-awareness.

The writer Sara Ahmed (2007) writes that “good” (happy) and “bad” (sad) feelings may not be so isolated from each other. And psychology professor Veronika Huta (2012) further claims that both positive and negative emotions are important for well-being.

So, as was demonstrated in Cordelia Sutton's article (What counts as happiness for young people: A qualitative study, 2020) “happiness to be wide-ranging and individually variable, with many different associations and meanings”.

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Where is my happy place? Why is it my happy place? 

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As Cordelia Sutton suggests in her article "What counts as happiness for young people: A qualitative study" (2020), everyone has their own concept of well-being, their own vision of happiness, and what can make me happy might make another person unhappy.

For me, a happy place is somewhere you feel like yourself, regardless of whether you're sad or happy.

If I have to think of a place where I feel like myself, I don't have a specific one in mind, but in a more general sense, I would say it's nature. Whether it's by the sea, on the hills, in a beautiful park, in the mountains, in a forest, by a river, or by a lake, that's where I feel best, where my mind quiets down, and where I feel more connected to myself. When I feel sad, need a break, or sometimes even for studying, I go to the park near my home. It's a large park with an artificial lake. Walking around the lake relaxes me. I enjoy going there alone, but I also like being in good company. I usually bring a blanket to lie down on the grass. It's a place where I feel good. When I have the chance, I go to the seaside as well. The sound of the waves also relaxes me greatly. I prefer being in nature when there aren't too many people around so that I can listen to the silence, the rustling of the trees, and any little creatures that may appear. It's a way to distance myself from the noise of daily life. Regardless of the season, being in nature teaches me the beauty of simplicity.

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This is what I do and how I want to improve.

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I find the mechanism that our brain uses to remember information very interesting. For example, when I study or need to remember something, I often use the association method. I associate an information with something familiar to me, so I can remember it. Especially when I study, I use pencil colors, so I associate a color with a specific topic. Or if I need to remember someone's name, I associate it with a person I already know well, hoping not to forget it. Before an exam, I repeat the topics I need to know out loud, recording my voice with my phone so I can listen to it as a review. I would like to improve my ability to make connections between various topics. It's as if I remember each topic separately from the others, without being able to put them together. A flowchart or a spider diagram could probably help me. Another method I would like to improve for better memory is visualization. I have a hard time associating information with an image.

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This is what I do now and what I used to do in the past. 

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I don't think I ever had a proper study method, but it’s improved over the years.
In high school, I used to study mainly in the evening or early in the morning. Sometimes, I used to wake up at 4:00 or 5:00 AM to study for a test I had the same day. I used to read the topics in the textbooks, underline the most important informations with a pencil or highlighter, and then made a short summary of what I learned, adding in things the teacher said in class. I used to study in my room while “the world was sleeping”, with my phone turned off to avoid distractions.

When I started university, I realized I needed better study plans because there was more to learn than in high school. Now, I'm used to studying during the day. I have a job that keeps me busy in the afternoons, so I study in the morning and evening. Usually, I study in my room, but sometimes I go to libraries or, if it's a nice day, I even study in the park. I use the textbooks and books my professors suggest. I read carefully, try to understand, and create a short summary for each chapter. I still have the habit of making small summaries with the most important informations, and I use pencil colors to help me remember visually.