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Improving your fundamental communication skills

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Randy Fujishin

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This third edition of The Art of Communication (previously titled Creating Communication) provides a brief, practical, and reader-friendly introduction to speech communication; Fujishin emphasizes face-to-face interactions while also addressing the role of technology and its influence on daily communication. --Publisher

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The art of communication : improving your fundamental communication skills

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This third edition of The Art of Communication (previously titled Creating Communication) provides a brief, practical, and reader-friendly introduction to speech communication; Fujishin emphasizes face-to-face interactions while also addressing the role of technology and its influence on daily communication. --Publisher

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How to work with anyone (even difficult people)

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"When we're dealing with difficult people, our creativity, productivity, and engagement suffer. Conflict and stress compromise our ability to think clearly and make sound decisions. We get caught up in our heads, lie awake at night worrying, withdraw from work, or react in ways we later regret-rolling our eyes in a meeting, snapping at colleagues, or staying silent when we should speak up. Our negative relationships are contagious, infecting our teams and organizations as well. Too often we grin and bear it as if we have no choice. Or throw up our hands because one-size-fits-all solutions haven't worked. But you can only endure so much thoughtless, irrational, or malicious behavior-there's your sanity to consider, and your career. In Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People), workplace expert and Harvard Business Review podcast host Amy Gallo identifies eight familiar types of difficult coworkers-the insecure boss, the passive-aggressive peer, the know-it-all, the biased coworker, and others-and provides strategies tailored to dealing constructively with each one. Facing a special case who defies categorization? She shares principles that will help you turn things around no matter who you're at odds with. Taking the high road isn't easy, but Gallo offers the compassion, encouragement, and tools you need to prevail--on your terms. She answers questions, such as: How much do work relationships matter?; Why can't I stop thinking about that nasty email?!; What's behind my problem colleague's behavior? ; How can I fix things if they won't cooperate?; I've tried everything-what now? Full of relatable, cringe-worthy examples, the latest behavioral science research, and practical advice you can use right now, Getting Along is an indispensable guide to navigating your toughest relationships at work-and building interpersonal resilience in the process."-- Provided by publisher.

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Getting along : how to work with anyone (even difficult people)

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"When we're dealing with difficult people, our creativity, productivity, and engagement suffer. Conflict and stress compromise our ability to think clearly and make sound decisions. We get caught up in our heads, lie awake at night worrying, withdraw from work, or react in ways we later regret-rolling our eyes in a meeting, snapping at colleagues, or staying silent when we should speak up.

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"An essential book for our times. How well we listen determines how we love, learn, and connect with one another, and in this moment when we need to hear and be heard more than ever, this thought-provoking and engaging book shows us how." -Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone At work, we're taught to lead the conversation. On social media, we shape our personal narratives. At parties, we talk over one another. So do our politicians. We're not listening. And no one is listening to us. Despite living in a world where technology allows constant digital communication and opportunities to connect, it seems no one is really listening or even knows how. And it's making us lonelier, more isolated, and less tolerant than ever before. A listener by trade, New York Times contributor Kate Murphy wanted to know how we got here. In this always illuminating and often humorous deep dive, Murphy explains why we're not listening, what it's doing to us, and how we can reverse the trend. She makes accessible the psychology, neuroscience, and sociology of listening while also introducing us to some of the best listeners out there (including a CIA agent, focus group moderator, bartender, radio producer, and top furniture salesman). Equal parts cutting expose, rousing call to action, and practical advice, You're Not Listening is to listening what Susan Cain's Quiet was to introversion. It's time to stop talking and start listening"-- Provided by publisher.

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You're not listening : what you're missing and why it matters

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"An essential book for our times. How well we listen determines how we love, learn, and connect with one another, and in this moment when we need to hear and be heard more than ever, this thought-provoking and engaging book shows us how."

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How to communicate with people you disagree with and maybe even change the world

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"A guide to learning how to communicate with people who have diametrically opposed opinions from you, how to empathize with them, and how to possibly change their minds. America is more polarized than ever. Whether the issue is Donald Trump, healthcare, abortion, gun control, breastfeeding, or even DC vs Marvel, it feels like you can't voice an opinion without ruffling someone's feathers. In today's digital age, it's easier than ever to build walls around yourself. You fill up your Twitter feed with voices that are angry about the same issues and believe as you believe. Before long, you're isolated in your own personalized echo chamber. And if you ever encounter someone outside of your bubble, you don't understand how the arguments that resonate so well with your peers can't get through to anyone else. In a time when every conversation quickly becomes a battlefield, it's up to us to learn how to talk to each other again. In Talking Across the Divide, social justice activist Justin Lee explains how to break through the five key barriers that make people resist differing opinions. With a combination of psychological research, pop-culture references, and anecdotes from Justin's many years of experience mediating contentious conversations, this book will help you understand people on the other side of the argument and give you the tools you need to change their minds--even if they've fallen for "fake news.""-- Provided by publisher.

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Talking across the divide : how to communicate with people you disagree with and maybe even change the world

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"A guide to learning how to communicate with people who have diametrically opposed opinions from you, how to empathize with them, and how to possibly change their minds. America is more polarized than ever. Whether the issue is Donald Trump, healthcare, abortion, gun control, breastfeeding, or even DC vs Marvel, it feels like you can't voice an opinion without ruffling someone's feathers.

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Does dealing with angry customers eat up staff time, increase stress at public service desks, and undermine morale? This work introduces the many causes and faces of anger as well as practical techniques for dealing with angry patrons. It covers handling frustration and confrontative behavior.

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Defusing the angry patron : a how-to-do-it manual for librarians

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Does dealing with angry customers eat up staff time, increase stress at public service desks, and undermine morale? This work introduces the many causes and faces of anger as well as practical techniques for dealing with angry patrons. It covers handling frustration and confrontative behavior.

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Training Opportunites

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LibGuides: HCPL Staff Learning Center: Training Opportunities

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A one-stop resource for staff new to the Henderson County Public Library and those staff wishing to refresh their knowledge.

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Texas A&M at Galveston - Jack K. Williams Library 

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The Art of Active Listening | The Harvard Business Review Guide

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What Is EQ and Why Is It So Important for Your Career?

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What Is EQ and Why Is It So Important for Your Career? | Indeed Explains

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6 Tips For Improving Your Customer Service Skills

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6 Tips For Improving Your Customer Service Skills | Indeed Career Tips

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A collection of guides highlighting subject-specific resources in Credo.

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Training Library Workers To Help Leisure Readers 

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With the ALA Midwinter Meeting [beginning today] and with everything virtual that means there are more opportunities even if you are not registered.

I will be attending the conference and will share what I can, but I already have 2 things to help you.

First is the Library Journal Galley Guide made specifically for this conference, a list of all of the ARCs that attendees can get digitally in the virtual exhibit hall.

Here's the thing though, these guides are actually more useful to those left behind or to access and consult after attendees return. Why? Click here to read my explanation from a previous round of Galley Guides. This post his about how and why Galley Guides are an excellent RA and Collection Development resource.

Another excellent RA and Collection Development resource is a good old fashioned Book Buzz. There are tons of these at conferences. Publishers getting together to pitch us the titles they are most excited about for the coming season. Well, earlier this week, the ALMA [a group of the library marketing people] got together and presented this 90 minute Pre-Midwinter Buzz. Click here for access.

This one featured a lot of publishers and a wide range of books. That is one reason I loved it; the breadth of titles from different publishers.

The other is that every speaker is conscious of the fact that we need to be prepared to talk about these books without reading them. The talks are focused on WHY someone would like the book and what other authors or titles it is similar to. You can learn about a lot of books but just sitting back and taking the presentations in.

Also, seeing a buzz with so many publishers represented at one time allows you to see trends emerging before your eyes. Trends in covers, trends in themes, trends in genres, lots and lots of trends. You cannot help but notice them in this format.

Finally, since it is a video. You can pause and take notes, look things up online, breathe between presenters, and actually enjoy the event. Seriously. When I attend these in person it is a race to get the title, author and key details jotted down to return to later. I often live Tweet these events too. That is stressful, but useful because my notes are then in my Twitter feed and I can pull them up easily at any time.

This Book Buzz will not disappoint. You will learn quite a bit about what is on the horizon, how to handsell the titles, and who would best enjoy them. After watching this, I felt invigorated.

And then if you are attending the conference, downloads of many of the titles will be available.

Check out both the Galley Guide and the Book Buzz video when you have a chance to get up to speed on the most anticipated titles for library patrons this spring.

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With the ALA Midwinter Meeting [beginning today] and with everything virtual that means there are more opportunities even if you are not registered. I will be attending the conference and will share what I can, but I already have 2 things to help you.

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Article - How to Practice Active Listening

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Article - How to Practice Active Listening

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Are you a good listener?

Do you wonder if you could be better?

Good listeners can stay present and engaged with what is being said. This article will describe a listening technique called active listening. It's useful in building therapeutic relationships and creating empathy.

You will learn the benefits of active listening and how it makes you a better communicator. And we will provide a list of the skills needed and techniques to learn exactly how to practice this. Finally, we'll go over common pitfalls that keep us from being good listeners.

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Positive Communication Exercises (PDF) for free. These science-based tools will help you and those you work with build better social skills and better connect with others.

What Is Active Listening? 3 Principles

Often, while we are listening, we are thinking of how we will respond. We might get distracted and miss some of what was said. We may not be paying much attention to the nonverbal communication cues of the speaker.

Active listening requires the listener to pay close attention to what is being communicated verbally and nonverbally. The listener is encouraged to interpret not only the content of what is being said, but also the emotions present and the body language.

In order to achieve this, the listener must be willing to devote energy to the task. They will need to have an excellent attention span and honed empathic abilities. Active listening has even been referred to as the "measurable dimension of empathy" (Olson & Iwasiw, 1987, p. 104).

There are three main components of successful active listening (Rogers & Farson, 1987):

1. Listen for total meaning
When someone is conveying a message, there are two meanings to gather: the content and the feeling or attitude underlying the message. An active listener is not only tuned in to the information conveyed, but also how it is conveyed and any nonverbal cues present.

2. Respond to feelings
After listening, when a response is appropriate, the listener should respond to the feeling of what was said. In this way, the speaker feels understood and empathy is established.

3. Note all cues
Nonverbal cues include tone of voice, facial or body expressions, and speed of speech. All of these taken together can convey a much deeper meaning than merely the content of what was said.

Carl Rogers's take on active listening

Psychologists Carl Rogers and Richard Farson (1987) are responsible for defining the concept of active listening. They describe the skill as vitally important for effective communication. For Rogers, the ultimate goal of active listening was to foster positive change (Rogers & Farson, 1987). This change can occur in the context of a client/helper relationship or in the context of a group.

Rogers described three important principles in effective counseling: empathy, genuineness, and unconditional positive regard. Active listening is a tool that fosters and supports these principles.

Empathy is demonstrated in active listening by the listener reflecting the thoughts and feelings of the speaker. These thoughts and feelings are believed, supported, and respected. They are not dismissed or challenged.

Rogers stresses that in order to be successful in active listening, the listener must be authentic in their care. This reflects the principle of genuineness. Active listening can't be faked.

Active listening requires true feelings of respect toward the individual speaking. The listener accepts and supports the speaker regardless of the content of their words. This illustrates the principle of unconditional positive regard.

Is It Important in Communication? 4 Benefits

Active listening is often referred to as a "soft skill," meaning that it is useful in many contexts and beneficial in most professions.

It is also a skill that will benefit the listener in their life outside of work.

Whether at work or in casual conversation, active listening can provide a safe and empathetic space for a speaker, fostering feelings of trust.

Active listening in counseling

Active listening has been shown to be a vital skill in counseling. Empathy and empathic listening foster the therapeutic relationship, and the relationship between therapist and client has been shown to be the one of the most crucial and stable predictors of client success (Martin, Garske, & Davis, 2000).

Another benefit of learning active listening as a counselor is that it may increase self-efficacy. Levitt (2002) examined the impact of teaching active listening to counseling students and found that this skill created greater levels of confidence in the students and helped to reduce their anxiety as new counselors.

Active listening in the workplace

Kubota, Mishima, and Nagata (2004) examined the effects of an active listening training program on middle managers, finding positive results. In workplaces, a large portion of stress experienced by employees comes from interpersonal relationships.

The study showed that teaching managers who learned active listening skills were better able to support employees with mental health issues, providing a safe environment for them to share their difficulties without judgment. This led to calmer behaviors and more success (Kubota et al., 2004).

Can active listening skills even work through text conversations? Perhaps so. A unique and interesting study looked at the application of active listening to written communication online (Bauer & Figl, 2008). This case study was examining soft skills among computer science students and to see if active listening could come across in instant message conversations.

Bauer and Figl (2008) found that all the different techniques of active listening translate well into text conversations and that using these techniques had positive outcomes in communication. Although the students showed skepticism that it would work, they found that all the skills worked well, even online.

Active Listening Skills You Can Foster

Active listening requires a skill set that differs from typical everyday listening. Not only are you using the principles of empathy, genuineness, and unconditional positive regard, but you must also develop certain skillful ways of interacting.

It's useful to begin with the body language of the listener (Robertson, 2005). How do you know when someone is listening to you? Maintaining eye contact and appropriate facial expressions is important to convey empathy and attention. As with all aspects of active listening, these indicators shouldn't be forced or faked. They are simply a reflection of your genuine attentiveness.

It also helps to remove distractions from the environment. Depending on the context, you may desire to set up an environment that conveys peace and quiet. If you are in a public place, putting away distractions or moving to a quieter location can also be helpful.

Another skill is following (Robertson, 2005). To actively follow what the speaker is conveying, you allow space for them to speak, reducing or eliminating questions and giving space for silence.

In a non-active listening situation, there may be quick back and forth, many rapid questions, or people may talk over one another. With active listening, the speaker is given the time and space to speak as much as they want. And they are encouraged to continue.

A third skill is reflecting (Robertson, 2005). This is the skill of repeating what you heard the speaker say, but avoiding parroting it back verbatim. You are trying to capture the essence of what they said and reflect it back to them. You may also try to capture the feelings that are conveyed.

This is always done without expressing judgment and with the goal of understanding. It may even be useful to ask if you have it right before asking them to continue.

7 Techniques to Train Your Active Listening Skills

Here are seven common active listening techniques (Bauer & Figl, 2008).

Each technique is listed with an example and an explanation of the use.

Paraphrasing

Restate the information just received with your own words.

"So you showed up at the meeting on time."

Verbalizing emotions

Reflect the speaker's basic feelings and emotions in words.

"And this made you really angry."

Asking

"And after that, John did not react?"

Summarizing

Review progress

Pull together important ideas

Establish a basis for further discussion

Restate major ideas expressed, including feelings.

"These seem to be the key ideas you've expressed:"

Clarifying

"You said that you reacted immediately. Was this still on the same day?"

Encouraging

Disagree.

Use varying intonations.

Offer ideas and suggestions.

"Then your manager approached you. How did they behave?"

Balancing

"Did you perceive the inconvenience to be worse than not being taken seriously?"

3 Counseling Exercises & Activities

Use the below suggestions to help your clients improve their listening.

Practicing with a partner

For counselors in training, it is important to practice active listening with a partner. One partner shares a story of something emotional that happened, and the listener will practice the following techniques:

1. Demonstrating listening through body language and nonverbal responses

2. Reflecting back the content of what the partner shared

3. Reflecting back the emotions that the partner shared

It's important to check in with your partner after you've reflected to be sure that it's accurate.

Mindful listening group practice

In many ways, active listening is a mindfulness practice. The listener is trying to stay focused on the present, with what is being shared. And they are working to accomplish this without judgment.

Here is an excellent activity to practice mindful listening in a group.

1. Have the group sit in a circle.

2. Offer an ice breaker question or prompt, such as something they are grateful for today.

3. Rather than go around the circle, ask participants to share spontaneously when they feel ready.

4. Invite them to notice if they are thinking about their answer, rather than listening.

5. Ask them to be present with the person who is sharing.

6. Challenge them to notice if they are uncomfortable with the silences.

Mindful listening alone

At any moment, you can drop in and practice mindful listening. Simply stop what you are doing, close your eyes, and try to see how many sounds you can hear around you and within you. Notice if there are judgments arising and try not to attach to them. Stay with the flow of sounds for as long as you can.

3 Worksheets to Practice Active Listening

These worksheets also provides an interactive way to assist clients.

Listening Accurately

This worksheet offers a five-step process to improve your communication skills with another person. It would be a useful tool for working with couples or anyone who would like to hone their listening skills.

The five steps are:

1. Step in their shoes.

2. Fact-check your interpretation.

3. Give your full attention.

4. Clarify what they've said.

5. Clarify what you've said.

500 Years Ago

This creative exercise helps both the listener and the speaker develop their empathy by imagining themselves in someone else's place.

The listener is instructed to pretend that they have come from the past, 500 years ago. The speaker is trying to explain something to them and must use language that they can understand.

Using Small Rewards

In working to create a therapeutic alliance, nonverbal communication is key. This worksheet lists some "small rewards," subtle but powerful nonverbal gestures that the therapist can use to let their client know that they hear them and are following along.

The worksheet invites the practitioner to listen to a five-minute segment of their session and see how often they were using these nonverbal cues. There is space to reflect on how better to incorporate them and consider why there may have been trouble.

Questions to Ask Others: 3 Examples

Active listening starts with refraining from questions. It's important that the stage be set by allowing the speaker enough time and space to speak.

Start with reflection

Begin with reflections and try to capture the feeling of what was said. A reflection mirrors back what the person just said and tries to capture the meaning or the tone.

For example, let's say a friend comes to you about a fight she had with her husband. She describes how the argument got heated, and they ended up sleeping separately. She is feeling worried about the state of their marriage.

The first example is a reflection of the content of what was shared. The second reflects the emotions. These types of reflections validate the speaker and help them feel heard and understood.

Asking questions

Only after reflection has been done will it be time to ask questions. The types of questions are important. The purpose of questions during active listening is to continue to move the individual toward self-discovery.

Open questions are vital for this step. Open questions can't be answered with a simple yes or no. They invite introspection. Powerful questions stimulate curiosity in the listener and encourage conversation. They reveal underlying assumptions and invite creativity. They don't change the subject or close down the conversation.

The point of an open-ended question as part of active listening is to learn more and continue to connect with the speaker. It is not to drive the conversation in a particular direction.

Here are three examples of closed questions vs open questions to ask, given the above situation. Remember, your friend just told you about a terrible fight that she had with her husband, and she is upset.

You can see that the open questions invite conversation and show compassion, whereas the closed questions seem more like information gathering.

Possible Barriers & Psychology Tips to Overcome Them

A major barrier to active listening is judgment.

When practicing active listening, practitioners should also self-monitor for judgments that might come up while the person is speaking.

If these judgments aren't monitored, they may cause criticizing, labeling, diagnosing, or even praising in a way that leads the speaker (Robertson, 2005).

The goal of active listening is to create a safe environment for the individual to speak freely. Any of these responses may lead to defensiveness, distrust, or shutting down.

Another barrier is suggesting solutions (Robertson, 2005). Although it may seem well meaning, the urge to suggest solutions often comes from a discomfort with what the speaker is saying. While it may seem supportive, it creates an imbalance of power in the dynamic. The speaker is left feeling unheard, and they are disempowered to create their own solutions.

A third barrier is avoiding what the person is sharing. This may manifest as diverting the conversation away, logically arguing, or even reassuring. Again, while reassurance seems comforting, it often shuts down or ends the conversation for the other person.

A wonderful example of the comparison of empathetic and other responses can be found in Brené Brown's video below about sympathy versus empathy.

3 Courses for Training on Effective Communication

Active listening is a straightforward skill, and taking a short course is the perfect way to learn how to do it effectively. While it is possible to learn it simply by reading, it's always helpful to see it in action and practice with other people.

If you are hoping to learn active listening to improve your workplace as a manager or a leader, these courses would be great for you.

Udemy offers thousands of short courses on everything from programming to cooking, and this course on active listening has over 10,000 downloads.

LinkedIn Learning offers courses for businesses, including one on effective listening. Your team can take a listening assessment, address challenges that they have, and learn effective listening behaviors.

A wonderful course for in-depth active listening training is offered by Voice of Health (VOH). VOH is an online peer-support community that offers free training for anyone interested.

Resources From PositivePsychology.com

Our Positive Psychology Toolkit© has excellent resources for learning how to listen more effectively and empathetically. One such tool is the exercise Listening Without Trying to Solve.

This exercise is done with a group. Individuals are paired off with one person as the listener and one as the storyteller. Each listener is given a card with instructions, half are told to listen without trying to solve and half are told to try to solve the problem as best as they can. Each pair is given five minutes for the storyteller to share a problem.

After sharing, the group returns together and discusses how it felt to be on the receiving end of a person who is working hard to solve the problem vs someone who is fully listening and empathizing. This is a powerful activity to show the effectiveness of active listening.

This checklist is a helpful tool for practicing active listening techniques. The checklist lists the techniques and then asks the listener to check back to see if they successfully used each one. There is space to write what worked well, what was difficult, and how to better incorporate unused techniques.

If you're looking for more science-based ways to help others communicate better, this collection contains 17 validated positive communication tools for practitioners. Use them to help others improve their communication skills and form deeper and more positive relationships.

A Take-Home Message

Active listening is a skill that anyone can learn. It's a vital tool for therapists and counselors to connect empathically with their clients. But it's also useful for better communication with family, friends, and coworkers.

Practicing active listening can deepen connections in your relationships and help to create stronger and more lasting bonds. Try some of these exercises to improve your communication skills today.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don't forget to download our three Positive Communication Exercises (PDF) for free.

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How to Practice Active Listening: 16 Examples & Techniques

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Active listening is a listening technique useful in building therapeutic relationships and creating empathy.

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Intellectual Perseverance: Having a consciousness of the need to use intellectual insights and truths in spite of difficulties, obstacles, and frustrations; firm adherence to rational principles despite the irrational opposition of others; a sense of the need to struggle with confusion and unsettled questions over an extended period of time to achieve deeper understanding or insight.

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Niche Academy gives your people the knowledge and skills they need to succeed-both the people you serve and the ones you employ

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Niche Academy gives your people the knowledge and skills they need to succeed-both the people you serve and the ones you employ

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Top Ten Skills for Teaching Tech to Patrons

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Top Ten Skills for Teaching Tech to Patrons

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Niche Academy gives your people the knowledge and skills they need to succeed-both the people you serve and the ones you employ