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it's the end of filming day

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Thank you for such a thorough semester. I feel as though a lot changed for me internally through this process and I look forward to watching it evolve in my final year.

Again, the limited structure was huge in the success of my success. It allowed me to practice self-motivation and work ethic under the umbrella of a large project.

Nothing in particular didn't work..but I think that things will always continue to evolve in our dance area.

I manifest happiness, peace, gentleness, positive change, and creativity upon these next few months. In the coming weeks I will be taking a big step forward for my career and interests. It's scary. But I am excited.

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a meaningful performance experience came from this summer. it helped me move past hesitation and take risk. be ok with risk. own the risk...to be less fearful of the art of creation.

"you know the truth by the way it feels"

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I absolutely loved the structure of PDPR this semester. Like I mentioned in my first post of this reflection, I wanted this to be a container for resources, but not be too impaling on structure. It was such a great option for me this semester, as was given permission to commit only to what I could rather than feeling the need to show up at a larger scale for a longer process. Because there was a lot on the back side of school going on this semester, I really appreciated the fluid structure we had. I would be curious to hear how this went for students that did Emerge. I think that I would still love this if I had been in a main stage production.

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Phrases of activation: Patience, generosity, boundaries
Phrases of shift: Guidance, humility, grit
Phrases of keepsake: inch wide mile deep...meaning that this process taught me that small things can mean a lot of effect a lot through a journey.

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Currently feeling: so stressed, cannot handle it all, the world is on my shoulders

Want to feel: finished, complete, relaxed, time to breathe

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today I have class, work, rehearsal, homework. let's do it again tomorrow - 2/7

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today I have class, work, rehearsal, homework. let's do it again tomorrow - 2/7

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Being a part of Ava's NWF Piece was all in all very rewarding. The fact that it was a dance film made it exciting to go in for rehearsal day to continue learning material and the different elements of doing this for a camera.

It gave me a better understanding of what it feels like to work under one of your peers, and the pros and cons of that. The experience was very fun and different, enough that I would love to do it again or be in a second variation of it.

Although there were times of high stress, in the rehearsal process and at personal standards, I knew that everything would fall in to place as it is supposed to...and it did.

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I have recently been diving into the curiosity of sonder - the idea that everyone around me is living their own lives, taking their own route to class, experiencing different things through the day - and I am just a passerbyer to them...as they are to me.

Although I intentionally took a break from DRT performance this semester for the quality of my well being, I still feel the anxiety and stress that I typically do. It is recentered in a different way this semester, however the feelings are present. I am facing challenges in many ways, family being a large one, but am trying to find the light and purpose in everyday, for myself and for others around me.

I do recognize and honor these emotions, and typically am able to overcome them when I am around others and can generate enough focus for the task at hand...but when I find the rare moments of rest, my body swells with tension.

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By participating in NWF as a project performer, I hope that the creative experience is slightly less stressful and allows me to just be a dancer. Of course there is artist citizenship and many components that come with such a project that I am ready to commit to, however I look forward to participating in a student directed work and maybe being more comfortable? I do not know how I feel yet, but I am excited.

PDPR can help with this by being a container for resources, but not impaling too much structure.

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Well...I ended up taking the concept of Sonder and creating a whole piece about it! Pretty bad ass. I am so glad I stuck to my interests and was able to generate movement from my perspective of this concept. I still want to play with this idea and see what more can evolve from it.

This semester was tough. One of the toughest so far. I am shocked that I made it this far without failing to be honest. My energy was the lowest its ever been, I hadn't been getting enough sleep or treating my body positively.  In reality, I did not really honor myself in any kind of way. I rather honored my commitments, which left me out of the equation. I face strife however, as I enjoy being busy and am often told that what I am doing is beneficial, yet by the end of my semesters I am grasping for air.

This song makes grasping for air a little easier, though.

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I owe myself the energy to be selfish

I will foster stronger relationships with the people close and far to me

I will not bury my head in the sand...ignorance is not bliss

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Ignorance is definitely NOT bliss. I upheld this commitment to myself and it has taught me a lot. Typically I wait time to respond to people or ignore things until I no longer can out of fear or something like that...however I worked really hard to be on top of my duties and not let people walk over me. I took responsibility for my actions and time, which has made things much easier and more enjoyable.

I'd say my current relationships got stronger, but I do not know that I grew more intimacy with any particular person or group. That goal I feel will shift to next semester, even this summer in NYC.

Cannot say that I was selfish. I did say no to participating in one NWF piece, so that was maybe a little selfish. But, I still tried to participate in as many things that I could.