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A strength of your presentation, “Roblox: The Next Generation,” was the theme of the slideshow. I liked how you used the colors, black, gray, and white, because all those resemble the colors of the Roblox logo. It was clever and it doesn’t sacrifice the eligibility of the text, either. Another strength of your presentation was the information. You didn’t give too much, nor too little. It was enough to make me understand the logistics and groundwork of Roblox’s history. However, an improvement you should make is to add more images. There are a couple slides with just a small logo image or none images at all! You should at least add some relevant images into your presentation, like the creator of Roblox.

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Hi, Baliaz.  A positive thing I found  in your theme analysis is the  word choice of your transitions . For example, "Without a doubt" "In fact" "In life" are just a few of them and those transitions are very unique. Moreover, you repeated the title of the pixar 3 times which is a good sign. However, you said the word "You, Yourself, Yours." Way too many times in your theme analysis to change this I would say "One's One, Individuals." to eliminate personal pronouns

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First, one of the strengths of your timed paragraph was both of your explanations. When it said, “This indeed shows the theme, that everyone should be treated the same way as everyone else. The second bird is treating the first one in a poor manner, and it is doing nothing wrong,” it really explained the evidence thoroughly in your own words. The reader could understand your point and it really proves your claim. In  addition, you didn’t repeat the same words from your claim when you wrote your sum up. Instead of using “…unbelievably powerful theme,” you changed it to “…compelling theme.” You didn’t repeat the same words, which greatly improved your paragraph, since the reader wouldn’t be bored and think the paragraph was dull. However, a suggestion that I can offer for improvement is to not repeat the same words in your paragraph over and over. I noticed that you used “bird,” a lot. Try swapping it out with other words like “flock,” to not sound dull. Also, you repeated the same transition, “in life,” more than once in your explanations. Try using other transitions.

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Hey Balazs! Your paragraph is pretty good, you have a strong claim and a strong sum-up. Your word choice isn’t bad ether! And I also like your #2nd evidence which is kinda funny. However, your paragraph would be much better if you didn’t use personally pronouns, instead you could use “one” or “ones” instead of personal pronouns. But this is still a good paragraph!

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It’s the bLiZaZaZaZaZ!?! A strength of your theme analysis paragraph, “Analyzing Themes: The Present” was that you explained the evidence in your own words well. You didn’t just repeat the evidence. In addition, you crafted a good claim and sum up sentence. They opened up and closed the paragraph well. However, you could work on explaining the theme a bit more. You kind of repeated the same thing in the three parts of your explanations.

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Hi Balazs! I really like your paragraph especially your claim and evidence. I also like your use in words, very unique choices. Your sum-up isn’t that bad ether! However, your explanations are a bit of a problem I feel like you could add a bit more to make your paragraph not look a bit small.

But other than that, keep up the good work!

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Hi, Baliaz in your theme analysis of, "Analyzing Themes: The Present." I loved how your explanation was very descriptive making it satisfying to the reader. To add on, you conveyed a strong reason on why the Pixar short connects to life. Overall it is a fantastic theme. However, your transitions were off because they were a bit too repetitive to the reader impacting your piece. Like the word, "In life" occurred 3 times, also some parts aren't highlighted correctly. But, these are very small problems and from what I see your writing is an absolute masterpiece. Good job!

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One thing that I liked in your analysis paragraph, “Analyzing Themes: The Present,” was the wide variety of words that you had used. You never repeated any word more than twice, which is great! Your claim had different words than the sum-it-up which is also good. Another part in your paragraph that I liked was your claim. You clearly stated the theme within one sentence, didn’t repeat the sum-it-up, and you used persuasive and powerful word choice, which was a wonderful start to your paragraph. However, a suggestion that I can offer for improvement in your paragraph is to change your transitions a bit. You repeated the same transition, “in life,” more than once. You could change that to something else to not sound boring and dull to the reader.

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Hey Balazs! 2 strength’s of your paragraph is you writing in present tense for most of the part and your capitalization was very great! Although a weakness of your paragraph is how you used personal pronouns.

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Hi Balazs! I really like this essay you wrote (i also kinda like that we had the same topic)! I gotta stay that your anecdotes are pretty well thought out. I also like your 1st and 2nd body paragraphs especially because they make the essay alive and gives the reader a good point of view. However, I feel like you could improve your introduction paragraph a bit, mostly the part where the patient is in the game.

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A strength of your essay, “Video games: Friend or Foe” is that your three claims were much different from each other. This helped to cover a big portion of why video games are good. Your anecdotes were also great, and it helped me clearly visualize what was happening, and I didn’t have trouble understanding it. However, you could work on not straying a bit off task. It would be better if you stuck to the point and explained exactly what you were trying to say.

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In your essay, “Video Games: Friend or Foe,” a strength was the introduction paragraph. The anecdote was well-descriptive, and it supported your claim later on. I, as the reader, could tell very well what was going on. The three questions were great and didn’t have “yes” or “no” answers. Another part about your essay that I liked was your zinger, when you said “And finally, we have to know about this if we are to make the world a better place.” It would be stuck in the reader’s head and it is memorable and the reader won’t forget it. But I think that you could have explained the evidence in your CEES paragraphs more in your explanation. The anecdotes was good, but you could improve on the first part of the explanation.

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Hello, Balazs! A positive and good thing i have found in your essay was how you used proper grammar and punctuation. Your essay was also very great at details in your anecdote, although you should change one of your transitions as it is resistive to use it multiple times, i suggest you look at the transition list.

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Hi Balazs! One strength of your essay, “Video Games: Friend or Foe?” is your transitions. They were made gracefully, and it was perfect timing too. I loved how you differed them too! Another strength is your go to the heart in the conclusion paragraph. It was very elaborated, and you knew how to catch some people’s hearts. But one wish I have for this piece is in your anecdotes, I wasn’t really able to picture what was going on. You could’ve described more, more show than tell. But overall, great job!

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Hello, Baliaz! A positive and good thing I have found in your essay was how you used proper punctuation and grammar which overall made your essay fantastic. Additionally, I also have found your detailed intro with a lot of sensory details incorporated in it. Also, when I came across your descriptive anecdotes, I could tell that you were showing and not telling. However, when I pressed CMD F I saw you used. “You” and "Your” in your conclusion to change that I would instead say “Ones” or “One.” To add on, you used a bunch of violence in your anecdotes. Ultimately, it could scare off the reader and worsen your essay in general. Lastly, I saw your zinger. It didn’t include any name or quote, which is the entire zinger supposed to be. To conclude, your essay is a well crafted piece and I wish you the best of luck!

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Hi, Balazs! A strength of your essays in terms of explanations is that I thought they were very detailed and persuasive to the reader or (me). In addition I liked your anecdotes because they were well detailed and expressed emotion towards the reader. However, a suggestion I can offer for improvement is to engage the reader and probably make your conclusion a little more detailed and explain more about the call to action part.

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One thing that I really liked in your story, “The Shoes That Took Me Away”, was when you described the Rottweiler. I could almost imagine the dog in front of my eyes when you described him, so great job describing him! Another strength of your story was how you followed the prompt well and made a very unique plot. You showed the reader how he managed to get the shoes off, and what happened after he placed the shoes on. The plot with the dog was unique. However, I thought that a little bit more effort could have been used to make the story, for it wasn’t really long. Try using more figurative language, and maybe try stretching out the plot. In general, your story was great!

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Hey Balazs! I really like this narrative, it’s short but strong. I also like how you add a funny ending it made me laugh! Your figurative language is good too, as well as the sensory details. I also like the part where the main character starts to have 2nd thoughts on his choice. Although you could’ve added a bit more to the story. I feel like the story was good even thought it was short, but it’s a bit to short and makes the figurative language bunch up. Maybe add some more next time.

Good job and keep up the good work! ^^

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Hi, Balazs! A strength of your narrative Is your storytelling because while I was reading your memoir I felt a connection because I don’t like shopping for shoes too. In addition I like how you described the red shoes and saying they were basketball shoes because I can visualize how they look. However I was just confused because most shoes don’t cost $8.99 but I can’t blame you that what might had happened in the book.

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A strength in your memoir, “The First Day”, was the strong description you had in your memoir. Like the way you described the American flag billowing in the cold, cruel wind. And I could see clearly in my mind what you saw when you said ‘million kids crammed at the front door’. Another thing I liked about your memoir was the figurative language in your piece, like ‘like a maze with no way out.’ And ‘like squirrels playing tag’. They were thoughtful and creative. But you could’ve done a better job on the ending of your memoir.. The lesson had fitted the memoir, but you could do a better job elaborating and closing up your piece.

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I liked how you included actions like seeing your watch reacting by seeing 7:55 and how you had to get in the school. I also liked how you were telling the weather that it was a rainy day because I also remember that exact same day when it was raining because we both went to 5th grade here so I can relate. However, suggestions I can offer for improvement is to be more thorough like give the readers an experience of what happens when you were rushing to your classroom.

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Your memoir, “The First Day”, used metaphors and similes well. For example, a million questions ran around in my head like squirrels playing tag. The comparison is very similar. Another thing you did well was that you described the place well even without a lot of figurative language. For example, I  saw a million kids crammed at the front door, waiting to get into the school. The sound of overlapping chatter rang in my ears. I went to the back of the crowd, the thump, thump, thump of my black sneakers thumping against the wet asphalt. I looked up at the 50-foot tall flagpole with the American flag billowing in the cold, cruel wind that blew in my ears, like it wanted something. You really used a lot of descriptive words. However, you could improve on using more figurative language, because you met the requirements, built didn’t use much.