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Hi, Cassidy! First off I liked how even being timed you made it very descriptive and kept it neat and organized just like your untimed piece. In addition, I really liked how you used specific words explaining everything and how you explained everything. In some parts, I do think one thing that you could’ve done was maybe add more details/evidence towards your claim.

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hi Cassidy,i really like your claim sentence and how it was worded i like how it said “undoubtedly, the Pixar short for the birds conveys a powerful theme  about how it’s important to never treat someone differently just because they’re diffrent. This is great. Secondly i really like your sum up it was great. I like how you said “to sum it up, just because someone is not the same as someone else does not mean that they should be treated bad or different. All throw I wish that you made it a little longer then it is now just to add some length to it.

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hi Cassidy,i really like your claim sentence and how it was worded i like how it said “undoubtedly, the Pixar short for the birds conveys a powerful theme  about how it’s important to never treat someone differently just because they’re diffrent. This is great. Secondly i really like your sum up it was great. I like how you said “to sum it up, just because someone is not the same as someone else does not mean that they should be treated bad or different. All throw I wish that you made it a little longer then it is now just to add some length to it.

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Hi Cassidy! First off, your usage of elevated sophisticated vocabulary  on your transition words really made the paragraph strong. For example, you used transitions like “undoubtedly,” “certainly,” “finally,” etc. and it made your analysis very smooth. In addition, you were very descriptive in your explanations. You described the story very well. However, a suggestion that I can offer for improvement is to vary the word “different” a bit. This is used quite often throughout the paragraph. Perhaps switching it up to be “diverse” or “distinct” would help to eliminate repetitiveness.

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Hi Cassie! Something I really liked was how you had many transition words in your piece. I think you did very well with that and it made your piece stronger. Another thing I think you did well was how descriptive you were in your piece. I think you did really well with that. However, something I think you can work on is expanding your explanation. It was good but I feel like it could’ve been a little longer than it was. Overall I think you did great!

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Hey Cass! You did really well in your piece. Something that stood out to me the most was this sentence. That's good because now she can help her family no matter her size or age. This stood out to me the most because you showed the reader that no matter size or looks people can do anything. This gave the reader a message.  Another thing that stood out to me the most was this transition, To clarify. This stood out the most because it gave the piece a strong word. Overall you did great but a suggestion I have for you is to make sure you read over your piece a couple more times. Your spelling at some points was confusing but I overall you did great!

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Hey Cass!! Overall awesome piece! I loved your claim “be brave and not being afraid to try something new no matter how scary something looks.” I also love how you kept on topic, not going off into something different, and I like how you gave information and evidence to support your claim and explanation! Overall again great piece!

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Hi Cassidy! Something I liked about your paragraph was your title which really catches the attention of the reader. I also really liked the transition words you chose fro your paragraph. I do have one suggestion, i feel like you should add more things to your explanations. For example, you could add more details to it.

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Hi Cassy Wassy! A strength in your paragraph, “Bravery In Pipers Words” was how elaborate your explanation was. What I mean is that it is very long with lots of detail. While I read, I created a picture in my mind of your evidence and what you were explaining about Piper's actions. Another Star was all the great word choices you chose to add. For example, in your claim you added the word “conveys”.  I couldn’t find a wish in your pieces because it was SO GOOD!

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Hi Cass bass tass wass! A strength of your theme analysis, “Bravery In Piper’s Words”, is your first explanation. I understood it perfectly, and I also felt it made sense, and wasn’t difficult to read. Another strength was your claim sentence. I say this because I agreed with your claim, and it was short and simple. A suggestion is maybe use different vocabulary.  I noticed you use words multiple times, and couldve used different word choice.

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Hi Twein! A strength of your essay was your✨ AMAZING ✨ claim sentences. My favorite one was “To elaborate, student athletes perform better in core subjects which means that their grades will be better then most grades in those core subjects.” It was so good! Another strength was your persuasive explanations. They created a huge picture in my mind. I really understood what you are explaining to your reader. The persuasive explanations made the whole piece complete! Your piece was so good that I couldn’t find a suggestion to offer you! Great job on this!!!!!!!!!!!,

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Hi Cassie wassy badassidy. In your essay “Community Sports, Here To Stay” is the way you showed many examples of what could happen if kids don’t do sports. I thought the examples were really great and could tell many people what could happen if kids don’t do sports. I really liked how you described your essay in many ways possible. Overall I think you did great. Another star is how many questions you had in your intro. I think it was really great how many questions you had.

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Hey cass! Love the essay, I really like your scenarios and how you really pulled for the heartstrings and made a point. I really like your bold describing words, and how you connected your information/ evidence to your explanation and paragraphs. I only thing I noticed was I think you could have maybe added more detail / detail on describing people or places

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hi Cassidy,i really like you cees paragraph 1 and the topic it was about. I like this part in your story when you saidImagine this, a young girl or boy is digging their obsidian-colored cleats into the green turf and getting ready to kick the black and white soccer ball into the net. They kick the ball into the net and miss as they sigh in disappointment and the refs blow the black whistle signaling its game.this so good and gets the reader's attention.second i like how the detail in your story is really good for a reader to enjoy in this piece.how ever o with that you put a little more lanth to your cees paragraphs then weighting them.

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Hey Cas, I like the questions you included in the beginning of your essay because it really explained to the reader the things that can happen if a student doesn't do a sport/ school sport.To add on to that, i also like your imagine this parts, you explained each scene in details which could help the reader really picture what’s going on in that moment.Something i noticed that you could change is your evidence, i like it but you’re supposed to put in what they said in the video or infographic, for example “In the video “how high school sports can impact a student” they said….” So i feel like you could’ve added just the “they said..” on your evidences.

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I honestly really enjoyed reading everything that blake said. The awkwardness in his voice just enlightened me. It incredible who you thought of all those conversations. It’s also funny how the mom is so trusting, it's a nice build up about how the mom eventually snapped and got aggressive. A nice little detail that was put in there. I feel like there's many sentences that just feel too bland without commas. There's not much without it, it's just a normal story that struggles without making it seem more really. And to add to the mother, it is pretty funny how the mother is trusting, yes. But it's just a bit unrealistic. Not saying the whole story is supposed ti be real of course. But that’s beside the point. The mother is TOO trusting and it just leads to annoyance-Daniel S

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Hi my twin! I love how you exploded the moment in your first paragraph describing the book. There was so much detail. I loved when you said “the paper was a brown color like coffee spilt on a piece of white paper”. That was my favorite sentence in the whole first paragraph. My second star is all the figurative language. You have added figurative language! There was so much added, I felt I was in the story. The piece was so good I don’t think there needs to be any changes or stars!!

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Hey Cass! I felt that a  great strength of your piece was, how you incorporated dialogue and explained what was happening. I felt that you also made the story plot very known through out the piece and made the characters thinking / talking to it other characters like his mom sound realistic, and what was happening. In the beginning though, at the start I thought you could to make it a bit more known, since I was sort of confused in the beginning. Otherwise your piece was amazing!!

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The way you made you memoir so fear and panicky made my stomach flip a few times (not kidding this is non-fiction here) i loved the way you said “instantly my goalie instincts kicked in.”. I loved that because it proved you practice and your good at what you do.  I definitely could not have done that.   One strength in your memoir is how you added in your tears that show how nervous you were.  It added on to the suspense and the relief in the end.  Overall your memoir was beautiful, but one thing you could work on is maybe stretch out what happened when she shot the ball.  It went very fast and I’m left wondering what the ball looked like as it sped through the air from your perspective.  If I haven’t already said, YOUR MEMOIR IS BEAUTIFUL. :D

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I loved your piece and how you detailed it. It was very detailed and saw all the pressure on you. I could tell you were panicking and when you realized you scored I could tell how much your emotions changed. However I think you could’ve used more figurative language but overall you piece was very good!

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✨I love how you said “a drum beating across my chest.” I could feel the fear build up in you when you made that comment. I felt the same about the other comment you made about my heart was an exploding ball of nerves. ✨ Another thing that I liked was how you described the setting with the crowds cheering your parents on the edge of their seats and the wind blowing against you. 🧞‍♂️ I wish you would have mentioned more about the sport it was when you talked about the setting because at first I thought it was soccer.

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i really like how you put the other person in in your writing this was a good thing for me to read with the back and forth of you and the girl at a heart racing time in the game.I also liked how you where aboul to put lots of detail in to your writing and how it was so detailed in some of the nail biting parts .i wish you added mor detail on how the effected you and not her.

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One strength of your piece that I thought was really good was how you explained the feelings and thoughts you had, while this one minute moment happens. You explained how your honest thoughts and how you were feeling. I also thought that it was really good how you explained what you saw, where the ball, the girl's face, etc. I thought it added a good amount of meaning and the exhilaration you had when you cot the ball when you were in goal.

The only thing I thought you could have added was maybe how the weather looked, maybe explaining the other teams uniforms, just a little more.

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One strength in your writing was the detail you included in the beginning because it helped me imagine the setting that you were in at that moment. Another strength in your writing was how you extended that moment by including all your inner thoughts and feelings and making it really easy to picture. One thing you should work on is that you should include that you were playing lacrosse at the beginning because someone who doesn’t know much about it might get confused.