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Hi, Jackson! First off, I feel that your theme is very strong  because of the way that you describe it after. To further explain I feel that you put your theme and your explanation right together and make it sound very smooth. I also like how you don’t repeat many things.In addition, the way that you don’t use any personal pronouns and it sounds good because when I tried it didn’t really work out. I like how you can make everything sound so smooth and not hesitant. I also feel that when you do this it stands out because you're not forcing in other words to make it sound better. A suggestion that I can offer to improve is to continue your time stamp. For example when it says “In the Pixar, at 1:30,” I feel that you should really add the end of the time stamp so the reader can know when that stops happening. Instead you should say In the Pixar, at 1:30-…,this will make it so the reader knows when it ended.

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Hi Jackson! I really liked your evidence because it was really powerful. Your evidence had very powerful word choice incorporated throughout it. Using these powerful words really helped make your peice better. Also I think you did a very good job making your claim differently worded than your sum up but still having the same message. In your claim you talked about karma and in your sum up you talked about your actions coming back to you. However, a wish I have is for you to not use personal pronouns in your claim and sum up. Overall, good job!

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Hi Jackson, Something I liked from your C.E.E.E.E.S paragraph was your explanation about why your theme mattered and was shown In the story. Something else I liked from your C.E.E.E.E.S paragraph was your evidence since it was said boldly and was in present tense. However a suggestion that I can offer is probably change your word choice a bit like for example instead of saying “mean” many times you could rather say “rude” or many other substitutes instead. But keep up the good work!

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Hi Jackson. I really liked your paragraph. You used straight forward text and dialogue. The paragraph was really good between the evidence, explanation and claim. In addition, you used really strong words in the explanation when explaining the story. That made it stand out a ton and really makes the readers feel happy. Although, one wish that I have for you is too spice up your transition words. The transition words aren’t really the best. They are their, but I cannot really tell that they are their. It almost takes an entire 5 words then your transitions end. Try to fix this.

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I liked when you implied that karma was in work when the birds laughed at each other. I also liked your transition word usage. My wish(ES):

USE CORRECT GRAMMAR

AND ACTUALLY MAKE A SUM UP SENTENCE

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Hi Jackson, One strength of your paragraph was your explanation. I enjoyed how you related it to the theme and made it easy to read. Another strength of your paragraph is the connections you made from real life into your story. For example, when you talk about how someone would feel if they were in the poor dog's shoes. One wish I can offer for improvement is highlighting your title and your transition words. Also, It was a bit hard to understand when you said The Present and Partly Cloudy. Otherwise amazing job Jackson!!

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Hi Jackson! A strength of your theme analysis is your short simple amazing explanations because reading at least one of them makes me feel like I can understand what happens in the Pixar short or in simple words it makes me engaged in your essay. In addition I like how you had amazing word choice and amazing details shown wonderfully in your explanation. When I read it, it sounds like I am reading a professional’s essay. However a suggestion I can offer is probably highlight your transition words blue shown as one of the tasks in the essay standards. But keep up the good work!

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Hi ,Jackson here are some star and some wish’s about this

The analysis of the plot and the theme is well done, with clear examples and explanations.

The connection made between the story and real life situations is a good way to reinforce the importance of the lesson.

One wish:

It would be even better if there was a bit more personal reflection on the lesson and how it can be applied in everyday life.

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I really love all of the information given throughout the story. The transition words are also very amazing. The transition words like amazing! I am very impressed and I am also very impressed on how you formatted your paragraphs, and how you detailed and wrote them! Although one thing I recommend you removing in your paragraph is when you highlighted, “This shows the theme because” In blue. I do not think that that is a transition word. I recommend fixing and removing that! Overall, Nice Job!

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I liked when you gave reasons as to why you thought that was the theme. I also liked how you used great transition words throughout the paragraph. My wish:

USE CORRECT GRAMMAR

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A strength of your essay was how descriptive you got, your persuasive word choice was impeccable. For example you had great transition words like the first one I think was a great way to start off the essay. Another thing that you did well in your essay was getting the reader’s attention. It seemed you worked really hard to achieve the reader's attention. A suggestion is to not have so many “ And” and replace it with something else.

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Hi Jackson! Amazing job with the essay. One thing I really liked was how you had so much emotion in the story. I also really liked how you put so many persuasive phrases and words in the essay. One more thing I really liked was how you sucked the reader in. I really just wanted to keep reading on and on. Great job!

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Hey Jackson!!! A strength I found in your essay “Standardized Tests, Should Not Be Standard” is your introduction is really descriptive and it really catches the reader's attention and makes them wanna read more of your essay. Another amazing detail of your essay is your word choice and punctuation. One more great thing about your essay is transition words you chose because it makes the essay flow better

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Hi Jackson what I would like to say about your thing that.You did really good and I liked how high lighted everything that needed to me high lighted.One wish would be…nothing you did a good job with everything:)

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Hi Jackson what I would like to say about your thing that.You did really good and I liked how high lighted everything that needed to me high lighted.One wish would be…nothing you did a good job with everything:)

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I liked how you used data and statistics to show the comparison of whales with collapsed fins in the wild and in SeaWorld. I completely agree with you, SeaWorld is inhumane. Another thing I liked was when you emphasized the importance of freedom and life. My wish: Random comma count: 1 (maybe more?)

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WARREN
REally good story, but spelling! You wrote ze instead of He!

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Great job with the figurative language! I liked the grammar and the details you added into the memoir. The description words with really descriptive! Every thing looks great! Also great feeling expressions in the memoir, I love how you added a lot of great feelings in the memoir

Michael

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Muhammad A                                                                                                         I feel like in your memoir you did an amazing g job of describing the characters places and how it felt like it wasn’t a writing piece how it felt like I was in it . Also I like the description words you use to the grammar in the pice is amazing. And I like how your memoir is a short moment where you elaborate and expand you memoir. 

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Muhammad A                                                                                                         I feel like in your memoir you did an amazing g job of describing the characters places and how it felt like it wasn’t a writing piece how it felt like I was in it . Also I like the description words you use to the grammar in the pice is amazing. And I like how your memoir is a short moment where you elaborate and expand you memoir. 

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I enjoyed how you were able to incorporate all of your feelings and emotion into one story which made me feel like I was there with you. Another enjoyable part of your memoir is how you  used sensory details to describe your writing start to finish which gave your memoir an extra boost. One suggestion I would make is describe what camp your going to as I was not able to tell what you meant by gazing through the biggest telescopes.

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I think that one of your strengths in your memoir is how much detail and describing words you added in . I thought that the way you used them was very direct like when you said, “Lacrosse means nothing to me anymore” I thought when you said that it showed how much you wanted to be in the camp. In addition, I thought when you said “why can’t we win” it showed me really how much you're dedicated to the game, and talking about the small details about lax even with losing you still showed you tried and cared about the game. You wanted to win and you recognized that and never gave up and you tried your hardest to win a lot of games but it seemed as if you were the only one who cared.However, I think that you could've added a little bit more detail about the lax season. I feel as if there was good things thatt happened that were left out of you amazing Memoir.