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I could feel my stomach churning and tightening with a shooting sharp pain. Helplesssly my hands are shaking uncrotrallably coming to the point when I could no longer feel them no more, thats how numb and abnormally cold they were.

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Glancing over to my left a young girl sat over in the corner staring into space. She could feel her heart pounding faster and intensively as she keeps picturing negative thoughts in her head. her palms were hot and sweaty...But as time passes by it got worse she starts to feel sweaty around her cheeks feeling very flushed out during that  minute.
Looking at the clocking didn't help so much what so ever, it just felt like it got slower and  slower. Her mouth starts to feel extremely dry and had lost its moisture. That's when she starts to feel a little nauseated, with a light headed vision.
Redraft
This shows she's not doing not doing so great in the next feeling so unwell, am guessing the  the girls nerves to the best out of her.

Beverley

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Focus on what you can see around you.
Start the paragraph with an interesting statement.

Don't say it was a cold day/ the hall big.

Focus on the surrounding.

Start at least two sentences with an adverb

Present tense.

1. Repetition

2. Smilie

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VocabularyHelp - Learn English Words With Meaning

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Learn English Words: SIMILE - Meaning, Vocabulary with Pictures and Examples

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Exam question

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Focus on a character

Describe them:

What do they look like?

What do they sound like?

1. Metaphor

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Focus on the exam paper and pen

touch

What does this paper mean?..

Personification
Alliteration

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Focus on your feelings

Describe how you feel?

Hyperbole

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The crimson red paper had just beeen set on fire after i chuckd it away out onto the woods, as it was very crispy and crinkled staring right back at me, gradually dying into pieces.
As i grabbed the inky stiff pen it tried to escape from my hands leaving a strong charcoal smell.

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