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Page 192-193, when the mother realises that Dong Ho is not going to come back home. 

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Page 192-193, when the mother realises that Dong Ho is not going to come back home. 

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The moment the mother steps up to the gymnasium entrance to get Dong Ho, she is stopped. She reveals herself to be somewhat hysterical/desperate when shouting at one of the soldiers keeping watch, she says "For God's sake,' I begged, 'let me inside'".  However, the moment that she feels afraid, being "surrounded" by darkness, she stops asking and goes into a state of denial, believing that he'll "come as soon as possible".

This idea of having false hope connects to the first paragraph in the chapter where she is running after who she thinks to be Dong Ho. She describes him vividly, so certain that this boy was him. It was only until a few pages later when she snaps out of this trance and realises that she "buried you with my own two hands". These moments of realisation reveal her to not only be confused with her circumstance but also desperate for some kind of 'replacement' for him.

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Pg 185-186 Mother chases after fake Dong-Ho

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Pg 185-186 Mother chases after fake Dong-Ho

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This moment displays how Dong-Ho's mother is desperate for a chance to see him again, even though she knows he is dead. The mother's feeling of false hope of being able to see Dong-Ho again is put on complete display here when she chases after him, knowing in her heart that he is dead but refusing to acknowledge it.

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Page 193, when Dong-Ho's mother takes his brother home

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Page 193, when Dong-Ho's mother takes his brother home

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Dong-Ho's mother is left feeling defeated after she is unable to bring Dong-Ho back out of the Provincial Office. She "pulled your other brother away from the Provincial Office". In this moment, Dong-Ho's mother feels afraid, grieves and is overwhelmed while they walked home "through those deathly silent streets". In pulling her other son away from the provincial office, afraid, yet grieving, walking home with tears streaming down their faces, her internal thoughts, questioning etc, represent how overwhelmed she feels. She asks why she wasn't allowed to be let in when they were just going to die anyway.

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Page 195, Dong-Ho's mother wondering if she could have prevented this

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Page 195, Dong-Ho's mother wondering if she could have prevented this

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In this moment Dong-Ho's mother wonders why they decided to let out their annexe, she is overwhelmed and goes down a spiral of if she could have prevented this. She blames herself, "was it all for such a paltry bit of rent?" Dong-Ho's mother is grieving and desperate, as represented by how she looks back on happy moments, "I recall the sound of your laughter". Dong-Ho's mother also blames herself for blaming these kids, "I'm the one with a mark on my conscience, bearing a grudge against those poor kids," "I'm the only one to blame."

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- in denial
- confused
- false hope
- afraid
- desperate

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Page 200-201, memory of Dong Ho and his mother walking along a sunny sidewalk

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Page 200-201, memory of Dong Ho and his mother walking along a sunny sidewalk

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In this moment, we see the mother reflecting on her time with Dong Ho, and how he was almost the metaphorical source of 'light' in her life before. This is shown in the last paragraph in the moment when Dong Ho "tugged her into the light" as they were walking down a sidewalk. The last paragraph not only shows how the mother is still afraid because of the loss of her  'light' but also reveals the love she feels for Dong Ho through the impact he has had on her.

We see this throughout the paragraph, in the moment where the mother is at the gymnasium looking for Dong Ho, she admits that the was scared of being surrounded by "the darkness". It would then make sense to assume that the mother felt safe with Dong Ho being her "light", and she now feels confused and afraid with not having that security anymore.

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- love
- vulnerable
- confused
- afraid

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Disconnected/Numb
False Hope
Love
Desperate

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Pg 195-199 Dong-Ho's Mother joins the Meetings for bereaved families

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Pg 195-199 Dong-Ho's Mother joins the Meetings for bereaved families

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In this moment Dong-Ho's mother joins the meetings for bereaved families after the Gwangju Uprising. We can see here that Dong-Ho's mother is beginning to accept Dong-Ho's death and is acting on it and how she feels because of it. While the meetings are meant for grieving families, when the leader of the country was going to visit Gwangju, the meetings became about how to protest against him. This leads to the mothers from the meeting being arrested. During this part of the chapter the mother is shown to be angry and confused, "'That's right,' I stammered, 'what crime have I committed?'"

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Grieving
Afraid
Overwhelmed
Love
Confused