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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend ,Garrick.we were ready to play
hide and seek ,so we pick a seeker .Which is Garrick,we ran to find a hiding place he started counting 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 are you guys ready I am coming. He ran tried very hard to find them but he still cannot find us.It was to long so we quickly ran behind him we scare him and he got a fright.

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Xin Li [17]                 Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend , John . We were ready to start our game, ''Blind Mice''. John was the blind mice. He counted from one to ten. He shouted ,''ready or not here I come.'' He caught three of his friends . After playing, John blew the candles and cut the cake.

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Xin Li [17]                 Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend , John . We were ready to start our game, ''Blind Mice''. John was the blind mice. He counted from one to ten. He shouted ,''ready or not here I come.'' He caught three of his friends . After playing, John blew the candles and cut the cake.

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend,John. We were ready to start our  game, " Hide and Seek ". John was the seeker. He counted from one to ten."Ready or not here I come " John called. After the game, we ate lunch that John's mother prepared.After lunch we cut the cake and John blew the candles. It was a memorable party for John.

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend,John.We were ready to start our game, "Blind Mice" John the birthday boy was chosen to be the blind mice  "1 2 3 4 5 ........." "ready all not here I come! " He went around the house touching  tables,chairs and walls .Were ever he went everyone would run away.When he  walked towards the living room and caught our friend, Tom

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend , John, We were ready to start our game ,John were the blind mouse,John started counting backwards from 10 to 0 John said I'm coming then he started walking towards

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend, John. We were ready to start our game, "The Bilnd Mice". John was the blind mouse.  He counted backwards from 10 to 0 and said, "l'm coming!"
He walked towards us and we quickly ran away. I hid behind a wall and waited for John to come.

Good! There is a sense of anticipation.

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend, John. We were ready to start our game at his ninth birthday party. The game was called ''Five Blind Mice''. John was the seeker. He counted from 1 to 10.''Ready or not, here I come." He went upstairs to find Tom and Lilly hiding and found them in the study room.

Good effort, Karat!
However, how does one go upstairs and be able to find other people while blindfolded?

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend, John. We were ready to start our game "Hide and Seek". John, the birthday boy, was the seeker. He counted from 1 to 10. "Ready or not, here I come," called John. Then, all of us went upstairs, ,After the game, we ate our lunch that my mother had cooked for us. After lunch, we cut the cake and John blew the candles. After the party, we went home. It was a memorable party for John.

Very good effort, Royce!
Do try to  write more about the game and the food that you had eaten.

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Laughter filled the room as we  blindfolded our friend,John.We were ready to start our game  "Blind Mice,". John, our friend, was the blind mouse. He counted to 10 and started searching for us. After ten minutes John found Tom, the birthday boy.  After playing for half an hour, we felt hungry and headed towards the dining table. The delicious smell of the food wafted through our nostrils as we approached  the dining table.

Good job, Naomika!
I liked the use of "delicious" and "wafted".

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend, John. We were ready to start our game,''Blind Mice,'' as we all agreed on that game. John was the catcher as he was the odd one out when we played Black and White just now. We ran and hid behind the walls while John counted to ten. ''1,2,3......9,10! Ready or not, here I come!'' We had an enjoyable time playing Blind Mice until a delectable aroma wafted through the air. I could not wait to get a bite of the delicious food. I then realised that it was time to eat. "Time for lunch!" I shouted and dashed to the dining room where a birthday cake topped with candles and a bowl of sweets greeted me. After we sang the birthday song, I blew out the candles and everyone cheered excitedly. After that, it was time to eat! My friends and I devoured the food eagerly and I opened all of my birthday presents.

Well done,  Qi Wei!
Great use of adjectives and verbs. I enjoyed reading your passage.

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend, John. We were ready to start our game at his 12th birthday party. The name of the game they were playing was,"Marco Polo". John was "Marco" since he was the birthday boy. He counted from 1 to 20. "I'm coming!". John said. He went to the kitchen to find Alex and Carlos. They were hiding behind the fridge. Then, he found Tommy and Sallie. They  were hiding upstairs in John's bedroom near his study table.

Good job, Kaela!
Good elaboration of the moment.

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend John. We were ready to start our game "Hide and Seek".
"1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! Ready or not here I come!" John shouted.

Good effort, Venessa but do try to expand the moment. You could write how the game was played.

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend,John. We were ready to start our game "Blind Mice". Tin volunteered John  to be the catcher, so, he was decided to be the "Blind Mice". As John counted from 1 to 20, the whole class scrambled in different places. He was struggling to catch one of us as we were too quick for him. Out of the blue, he caught his big sister, Mary. Mary became the "Blind Mice"! Every classmate got to be the " Blind Mice". Soon, it was time to go home. They had a perfect day and wished they could do this again.

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend, John. We were ready to start our game ''Catching''.  John was the catcher.  He counted from one to ten , ''10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 0'' his the winner.

Good effort, Sedric.!
However, do think about the game. 1) How does one play "Catching" while blindfolded?
2) What about the game "Blind Mouse"?

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend, John. We were ready to start our game "Blind Mice".  John ran  walked around trying to catch one of us but we were too fast for him. As he was reaching out with his hands, he suddenly caught hold of his sister, Mary. As it was the rule of the game,  she became the next catcher.

Good job, Dylan!
Do take note that it will be difficult to run when one is blindfolded.

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend, John. We were ready to start our game, "Blind Mouse". John was the blind mouse as he was the birthday boy. John explained, "The blind mouse will try to catch his other friends."  John and his friends  We started the game after John had finished explaining. As he counted from one to ten, this we friends started to run away from him. John slowly stumbled towards us  them upon hearing our their laughter.

Very good, Cherinne!
Do be mindful that because of the pronoun "we", you should include yourself in the story.

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend, John. We were ready to start our game. It was John's birthday and he wanted to be the blind mouse for the game ''Blind Mice''. While John was counting from one to ten, all his friends near him ran to where they thought was the best hideout. It rook a while but John finally managed to catch his friend, Tim. After a few rounds of ''Blind Mice'', we felt hungry, we and decided to check if lunch was ready. John thought to himself, ''I hope lunch is going to be the best part!''

Good job, Freya!
I liked how you gave the idea of the game being played a few times.

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend, John. We were ready to start our game. "We are going to play a game of  Blind Mice.  Since I am the birthday boy, I will be the blind mouse. Soon, John caught his twin brother, Bob. We then smelt the aroma of delicious and tasty food. We hurriedly ran to the dining room. After we had finished eating, John continued playing the activities.

Good effort, Yuan Xiu!
Some parts, however, need more elaboration (in Italic)
1) Do expand more on the play before "John caught his twin brother, Bob".  You could write how everyone ran away from John as he tried to find his way around.
2) What activities? Instead, you could use the word "game".

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend, John. We were ready to start our game ''Blind Mice''. We decided
that Tom should be the catcher. (WHY?) After counting to ten, he tried to catch us and finally He caught a boy name Danny. It  was his turn now to catch us. Suddenly, we smelled the aroma of food. We dashed to the dining table and saw many delicious dishes. There were fries, pizza and hamburgers. We wolfed all the food down. Soon, it was time to cut the cake.

Good effort, Gavin!
Do expand on why you and your friends wanted Tom to be the catcher.
I liked the verb "wolfed".

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend, John. We  were ready to start our game. It was his birthday and  we were going to play "Pin the Tail on the Donkey". John tried to pin the tail on the donkey but failed every time. Everyone shouted words of encouragement to him but after a few rounds, he gave up. Suddenly, we smelled an the aroma of food. We ran to the dining table and saw many delicious dishes. There were sushi, pasta and pizza, to name a few. We all wolfed the food down.

Good job, Ryan!
You expanded the moment well and I like the use of the verb "wolfed".

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend, John. We were ready to start our game, "Blind Mouse ". John was the catcher as he won the game we had played earlier. He counted from one to ten. "Ready or not, here I come!” he exclaimed. Everyone was running  ran away as fast as they could. After a while, he John caught Ben, the birthday boy. He was quite sad at first but became happy after all as  when he got used to the idea of being liked to be the blind mouse. After six rounds of blind mouse playing the game, the delicious aroma of food wafted through their our nostrils. ”Hey guys! Do you want to get some food?" Ben said, asked. All of them us nodded as our  stomachs were growling. We headed to the dining room and started eating the delicious food. There were like pizza, fried chicken and fries, to name a few.

Good job, Ryan!
Do note that when you are in the story, you have to use the pronouns that include you:  our, us

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend,John. were ready to start our game. We were playing ''Blind Mice''. John was the blind mouse and  when  we started counting from one to ten. Everyone started running away from John him. We played a few rounds when suddenly, our stomachs started to rumble. Then we smelled something yummy and we ran to the kitchen. We and saw a  aroma of  the delicious spread of food that had been prepared.  We started eating with gusto at the dining table. When we all of us were full and sitting on the sofa in the hall, Tom's mom mother called out  announced that we were going to have a piece of cake. Everyone quickly got up and started eating the cake again.

Good job, Syadina!
I like the way the it was written - I felt that I was spending my time just  eating too.

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend, John. We were ready to start our game called Blind Mice. John started to count down while we scrambled around the room to find a hiding spot. Suddenly, a savoury aroma filled the silent room and Peter's stomach let out a loud growl. John moved quickly towards the sound and cornered Peter. Peter He was caught! When John pulled down his blindfold, he was greeted by a surprise. His mom mother showed up with stood in front of him holding a Pokemon birthday cake infront of him. We were all excited by the cake and began to sing the birthday song loudly. John blew out  the candles after making a wish and we clapped loudly. We proceeded to the dining room where all the delicious food were had been prepared for us. We sat around the table and started eating. John's mom mother served the cut birthday cake to us. "It's an ice-cream cake!" I exclaimed excitedly. My friends and I ate the ice-cream cake to our hearts content. I felt so satisfied as I had never eaten such a delicious cake before.

Well done, Caleb!
Very good description and expansion of the moment.

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend, John. We were ready to start our game. First we We played a simple game of Blindfold Drawing, As I did have not played this game before, I find was curious and soon found it quite interesting. When I saw Jessica, John's older sister, taking out some paper and a pen, the my excitement grew. The game started with John. When it was John's turn, we told him  He had to draw a  birthday cake while being blindfolded. John He ended up drawing a fat pig. Everyone in the room starts started laughing. Some of them us even laughed too so hard that they we cried. However, as the game continued, I started getting feeling bored. Soon the ,but an aroma of fried chicken wings and mashed potatoes and more lingers swirled around the room.  All I could and i just think of was eating all the food.  but I was not the only one who have had that thought.

Very good effort, Juvone!
I enjoyed reading about that game as I have never played it before.
Do be mindful of the pronoun "I". It is a capital letter! Also, do write in the past tense.

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend, John. We  were ready to start our game. John slowly walked towards us. After a few minutes, he caught his sister, May. We played five rounds of the game.  Soon, it was time for the birthday boy then to cut the cake . The birthday boy He gave each of us a slice of a mango cake.

Very good effort, Zavier!
Do use a pronoun when you can and mind your tenses.

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Laughter filled the room as  we blindfolded our friend, John. We were ready to start our game,''Blind Mouse''. Since it was Tom's birthday, he got to choose who would be the blind mouse. Bob John was the blind mouse. He counted from one to ten and everybody started running away from him. Very fast, quickly, he caught Jane, Tom's John's sister. After, three games, they we sat on a chair stopped playing the game. and celebrate d Tom's birthday.

Good job, Cheryl!
1) Do note that when you are in the story, you have to make use of pronouns that include you such as "we".
2) Be mindful that you don't get the names mixed up.
John (not Bob) was the blind mouse since he was the one blindfolded.
3) Do expand the story further by writing how else John's (not Tom's)birthday was celebrated.

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend, John. We were ready to start our game, is called "Blind Catching". John stumbled a lot while he was trying to catching us. We proceeded to the next part of our birthday celebration, cutting the cake.

Good effort, Gabriel!
Is it possible to run while blindfolded?
Do write about how you and your friends felt during the game and how long it was played before you move on to the next part of the celebration - cutting the cake.

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend, John. We were ready to start our game. The game name is' was Blind Mouse'.  Soon, John caught his brother, Tim. Tim had a hard time in his blindfold. He struggling struggled to walk around and guess who he that what he was touching.  We played this game for half an a hour.  Then it is was the time to cut the cake and eat the other delicious food. John 's friends All of us quickly sit sat on at the dining table chair and eat ate the delicious food. Finally, it is the was time to cut the cake.

Good effort, Nikhil!
Do note that when you are in the story, you should use the pronouns: we, us
Do be mindful of your tenses. Use the past tense.

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend, John. We were ready to start our game 'Blind Mouse'. Soon, John caught his five-year-old brother, Bobby. Now, it was Bobby's turn to be the blind mouse. We did the same to blindfolded Bobby. After walking around for a while later, Bobby tripped over a goodie bag. The birthday boy, Tom, ran to Bobby and apoligise apologised as he was the one who had left the goodie bag there. Bobby forgave him and they we continued the game. We kept playing that game for about one hour. The next part of the party was...to eat and eat and more eating. We all dashed into the living dining room. where the dining table was. Our stomach's stomachs were rumbling. (My mum) brought the food to the table.  The delicious aroma of food wafted through the air. We all were getting hungrier just by smelling the food.

Very good, Leon!
However, I am puzzled. Was the party held at Tom's house since he was the birthday boy.
Why did your mother serve the food?
Please be mindful of the names and ensure that the characters are correctly written.

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend,John. We were ready to start our game,''Blind Mice''. We quickly ran away as John exclaimed counted ''1,2,3......10!''. Then John he caught a six-year old boy, Tommy. Now it was Tommy's turn to catch us. We played a few times. Suddenly, we smelt delicious aroma from the kitchen. There are were sushi, hamburgers, pasta and French fries. We cannot could not wait to help ourselves to the delicious eat the mouth-watering food prepared by John's mother. After eating the delicious food, we celebrated John's birthday We sang by singing a birthday song. and John cut the cake for us and himself gave each of us a piece. It was a memorable day after  all.

Very good effort, Gerrard!
Do write more about Tommy. Who is he? Why is it important to mention his age?
When you write "after all", it implies that something bad happened at first and then something good happened after that. Is that the case for your story?

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend,John.We were ready to start our game. "Are you ready? Here I come ," John exclaimed. He streched out his hands to feel what was he was touching. After played playing this game for an hour. we can could smell the aroma of food. As our stomachs were growling, we stopped playing and rushed to the dining table to see what were the dishes. There were fried chicken wings, noodles and fries to name a few. These food were prepared by John's mother. We washed our hands before eating. After eating, we continued to play the game. We were in seventh heaventh.

Very good, Tosh!
Do note that the correct term: seventh heaven.
You can expand on the eating part. How did all of you feel about the food since they seem so delicious.

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend,John. We were ready to start our game "Pin the Tail on the Donkey". We span spun John around three times. Then John he tried to find his way there to the poster of the donkey. John placed the tail on the donkey's forehead. We all had a good laugh about it. Even John thought it the donkey looked funny. After a few people had tried to pin the donkey's tail correctly but failed, it was finally my good friend, Rachel's turn. She managed to place it the donkey's tail at the right spot. Then we smelt the delicious food on the dining table and rushed there to eat some. We all ate like wild beasts because  the food was so delicious! Then we started our the next game "Blind Mice". Once again, John was blindfolded. He managed to catch alot of many people.

Very good job, Victoria!
I liked how John ended up being blindfolded twice.
Do be mindful of your capital letters and the sentence structures.

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend, John. We were ready to start our game,''Blind Mice". A lot Many of Tim's friends were invited to his birthday party so it was very hard to guess who would be the blind mouse. So Tim wasted a good five minutes thinking of a who should be the blind mouse. When the game started, everyone was running like a motorcycle was about to hit them. They We were really enjoying their enjoyed the  game. They and were played playing for a while hours when a delectable aroma wafted through the air. This made everyone stop playing and run to the dining table. When they we saw everything the food on the table, they we could not believe their our eyes. Tim's mother had cooked lots of delicious food such as pizza, fries, chicken wings  and banana muffins. Everyone ate like wild beasts as it everything was so finger-licking good! Tim and his friends After eating, we continued their our game. All of a sudden, everyone's laughter was interrupted by a loud BANG!!!Everyone noticed that John had knocked over a very expensive flower vase owned by Tim's father. John quickly apologised to Tim's father him. To everyone's surprise, Tim's father forgave him because he was blindfolded. Out of the blue, Then Tim's mother was appeared holding  a very delicious-smelling dessert covered with a red cloth. When she placed the dessert on the table, everyone realised it was  a durian cake! Tim's father lit up the candles and everyone we sang Tim a birthday song. Everyone We had a very enjoyable time at Tim's birthday party.

Very good, Jonah!
Please note that when you are in the story, you should use pronouns: we, our
Interesting simile!

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend, John. We were ready to start our game "Blind Mouse". Since it was my birthday, I got to choose who would be the blind mouse. Soon, John caught Mary, my little sister. She became the blind mouse. Now, Mary started walking ran and she accidentally tripped over a banana peel. Everyone had a good laugh. She soon got up, took off her blindfold and ran after John. He had thrown for throwing the banana peel on the floor. We resumed the game and played for half an hour. Then We decided to have our lunch early as the aroma of food filled our nostrils. We bolted to the dining table to see and saw the delicious dishes - fries, cheese tarts, fried rice and chicken nuggets. It was mouth-watering. These food were prepared by John's mother.  We soon began to enjoyed tucking into the delicious food.

Very good, Xuan An!
Do note that it is not possible to be blindfolded and run.
Good use of the verb "bolted".

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend,John.We were ready to start our game,"Blind Mouse". Since it was John's birthday, he was the blind mouse. Soon John caught May, his little sister. An hour later, we finished the game. then We  decided to have our lunch when the aroma of food filled the room. There was fried chicken ,rice, and nuggets and eggs to name a few. Everyone ran to the dining table and started eating. They were as hungry as a horse.  After they we had ate eaten, they we continued playing the game. This time, Amy was the blind mouse. Everyone ran away and tryed tried not to get caught by Jake her. Soon, she caught Jake.

Very good effort, Amitesh!
Do note that when you are in the story, you have to use the pronoun "we".
Also, do be careful about the name - who is the blind mouse

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Let's try to expand the moment by focusing on the picture below. Use your 5 senses to develop the moment.
1) Write only a paragraph of about 40-50 words.
2) Focus on the theme of "An unforgettable celebration."
3) Begin your paragraph with..
"Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend, John. We were ready to start our game...."

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Laughter filled the room as we blindfolded our friend, John. We were ready to start our game. "Hide And Seek" was the first game chosen. Whoever gets got caught needs needed to consume wasabi.  John used his hands to feel around the living room and listened attentively to any footsteps or heavy breathing. It was an unforgettable sight when I saw John step on smelly dog faeces.

Good job, Joel!
Interesting "punishement" for getting caught.
Regarding the dog faeces, you will have to explain how it happened to be in the room. Be mindful of how you are going to link the story.