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The infancy stage places major emphasis on the mother's positive love and affection for the child. In this stage, success depends on learning to trust that our basic needs will be met and we will be comforted in a loving way when we need reassurance.

"when the balance of care is sympathetic and loving, the psychological conflict of the first year-basic trust versus mistrust-is resolved on the positive side."
(Berk, 2019, p.172)

My mom breastfed which was the start of our strong mother/daughter bond. My family says that I was a happy, bouncy (in a literal and figurative way), and loving infant. I had a special fondness for my big brother since we were so close in age at only a year apart. My grandparents and extended family played a key and loving role in my infancy as well as my parents. I trusted my caregivers and learned to model loving behaviors.

Berk, L. (2019). Exploring child and adolescent development. Boston: Pearson Education

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During this stage we learn to master skills needed for independence. We learn to walk, talk, and feed ourselves. As we gain more control over our bodies we also build self-esteem and autonomy. This is when we learn right from wrong and assert our own will. However, if shamed at this stage we can develop deep doubts of our capabilities and suffer low self-esteem as a result.

"In sum, basic trust and autonomy grow out of warm sensitive parenting and reasonable expectations for impulse control starting in the second year."
(Berk, 2019, p. 173)

In my early childhood I have mostly very happy memories involving my parents and grandparents. I even have a very early memory of walking outside my great grandmother's house with my great-great grandfather and holding onto his finger while he used his cane to steady us both. My family says I was pretty independent and wanted to "mommy" everything and everyone. They recall me being very innately empathetic and would mirror emotions of others and try to comfort with hugs and touches to the face. I remember crying while watching movies during sad scenes like I was really feeling the portrayed emotions. My mom was very good about promoting self awareness, teaching us right from wrong, and not body shaming. I had no real experiences of childcare outside of family members that I was close to so experienced no separation anxiety at this stage.

Berk, L. (2019). Exploring child and adolescent development. Boston: Pearson Education

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During the 3rd stage of Erikson's Stages of Development we start to take initiative in creating play situations and have a strong desire to mimic the adults around us. We play "house" and create realistic scenarios with our toys and friends trying out roles and pretending with what we think being an adult would be like. This stage is also when all the "Why?" questions start being asked and we start trying to identify with our gender and the gender roles in society. When we can't make the connection between what we look like and how we are naturally "supposed" to identify, it can cause guilt and confusion going forward. Family connections are very important at this stage and help model gender behavior and gender roles.

"As the word initiative suggests, young children have a new sense of purposefulness. They are eager to tackle new tasks, join in activities with peers, and discover what they can do with the help of adults"
(Berk, 2019, p. 246)

As a child, I remember identifying with my female gender and wanting to embody the roles of women of that time. My parents allowed my siblings and I to tinker and build things indoors and outdoors, we were encouraged to play with gender "appropriate" toys. I spent a lot of time playing Barbies, playing "house", and playing "school". I remember having fears of disappointing my dad and feelings of guilt if I did. He was the main person that answered all of our "why" questions and showed us the way the world worked in his eyes. He was also the main disciplinarian, my mom was the type that would say "just wait until your dad comes home" which even then, I knew wasn't fair.
I was overly attached to my mom and probably was a bit delayed in emotional regulation because I didn't have a good model for that; my parents' relationship was quite volatile. We were never abused but witnessed a lot of fighting and crying on my moms end.

Berk, L. (2019). Exploring child and adolescent development. Boston: Pearson Education

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Stage 4 is defined by a sense of industry. At this point in childhood we are focused on schooling and our peers. We learn, create, and accomplish countless skills. Socially we are learning to adjust and feel as though we belong in a peer group. Success in this stage requires a positive and realistic view of ourselves, the ability to be proud of ourselves and accomplishments, good moral values, and cooperative play with our peers. Sadly, when home and/or school environments don't encourage these goals we are at risk of inferiority or lack of self confidence and understanding of our abilities. Bullying, negative responses from teachers or parents and peers can all lead to feelings of inferiority.

"In most of the world, the transition to middle childhood is marked by the beginning of formal schooling, where children discover their own and others' unique capacities........"

(Berk, 2019, p. 321)
During this stage I had separation anxiety until I was about 10. I have wonderful memories of my school age and these years were full of playing with friends, raoming hte neighborhood on our bikes, playing in the woods, and staying out until the yard lights flashed to signal it was time to come home. I loved playing "house" or "school" with my little brother and sister and spent countless hours playing Barbies.
School was great, I'd have some anxiety the first few day or week of school but I had a lot of childhood friends who gave me a sense of belonging because we'd all been together since kindergarten. I made good grades and my siblings and I were encouraged to participate in scouting, and after school programs like Odyssey of the Mind. My parents were generous with praise and rewarded good behavior and academic accomplishments.
My relationships with extended family were extremely important and we spent a lot of time with grandparents, aunts, and uncles.
I don't ever recall feeling like I didn't belong or that I wasn't good enough. I was still very sensitive at this stage but I was using better coping skills learned from peers and teachers.

Berk, L. (2019). Exploring child and adolescent development. Boston: Pearson Education

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Adolescence is a time in our lives when we are figuring out our own identity. Life becomes a bit more complex as we try to navigate social exchanges and moral issues. We are tasked with discovering ourselves outside of our family and how we belong to the world around us. Along with trying to figure all of that out, we are faced with puberty and a period that Erikson refers to as a "moratorium", a time where we withdraw from responsibilities, and tend to wreak a little havoc with our loved ones while hormones are fluctuating.

" By the end of middle childhood, children display a strong desire for group belonging"

The end of middle childhood and start of adolescence marked a major turning point in my life. The adolescent stage was really hard for me. Within 2-3 years I had moved from MI, to NC, to IN. When we left my hometown at the age of 12, I struggled with depression and anxiety that would manifest in extreme sadness and stomach aches. These moves were traumatic and it was hard to figure out who I was or where I belonged. I didn't stay anywhere long enough to delve deeply into myself and I was too focused on my grief of leaving my family and friends to identify with anything other than my gender and traditional roles that appealed to me. I knew I was a female and wanted to be a wife and a mother but other than that, I really struggled to fit in. When we settled in IN, I finally got a chance to breathe and figure out a bit of who I was and where I might belong. the sense of longing to go home to MI has never left me and I spent summers and school breaks with my grandparents.

Berk, L. (2019). Exploring child and adolescent development. Boston: Pearson Education

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Stage 6: Intimacy and Solidarity Vs. Isolation

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Stage 6: Intimacy and Solidarity Vs. Isolation

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Young adulthood is a stage where we seek more companionship and love. As we navigate the world of adulthood we seek mutually satisfying relationships like marriage or deep friendships. Generally this is the stage we start families and begin preparing for the future. The goal in this time in our lives is defined by intimacy of many kinds. Whether it's marriage, long term commitments, deep friendships, or fleeting friendships, our goal is to feel connected. If this goal isn't reached, we can feel isolated and lonely. When that happens the world can seem to shrink and we often tend to compensate by creating an air of superiority to others.

"Young adults establish intimate relationships. Because of earlier disappointments, some individuals cannot form close bonds and remain isolated."
(Berk, 2019, p.10)

The beginning of young adulthood was extremely traumatic for me. My parents divorced when I was 18 and family dynamics changed tremendously. I took on the role of "mother" to my siblings while my mother regressed and shifted into patterns of destructive behavior. My dad had an affair and married the woman he had the affair with, and has subsequently started a new family with children ages 8 and 10. My relationship with he and my mother has ebbed and flowed with good years and bad. There was a lot of codependency with my mom and because of the trauma of the experience I have struggled with trust and feeling safe in the bounds of relationships.
While the divorce was going on I was also struggling with being forced down a path I wasn't prepared for. My dreams were crushed due to the terror attacks on 9/11 and I wasn't able to join the Army as I had planned. My aunt and uncle were higher up at the Indianapolis and Louisville Military entrance Programs and wouldn't allow me to ship out as planned in October. They knew we were going to war. Looking back I understand their fears and their fierce protection, but back then, I got lost in the shuffle of life, work, and school. I struggled to find solidarity for a long time.
Berk, L. (2019). Exploring child and adolescent development. Boston: Pearson Education

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Stage 7: Generativity Vs. Self Absorption or Stagnation

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Stage 7: Generativity Vs. Self Absorption or Stagnation

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Middle adulthood is when we tend to become occupied with creative and meaningful work, stable environments, and relationships with our families. With that occupation we tend to find strength in our accomplishments, feel more in control of our futures and can focus on passing down culture, values,  and traditions, to our children. In feeling a sense of pride and strength through accomplishments and contributing to society we feel what Erikson called generativity and we often fear being inactive, non-contributory, and meaninglessness. Nearing the end of this stage we face challenges like our children leaving the home, relationship goals are growing and changing, and sometimes a mid-life crisis occurs and we feel lost. If we don't succeed in navigating these changes we can become stagnate and self-absorbed.

"Generativity means giving to the next generation through child rearing, caring for others, or productive work."
(Berk, 2019, p. 10)

I'm 38, and happy. My marriage is good, my daughter and stepchildren are great, and I even have a granddaughter. My husband is older than me but we blended families really well. I have been married before and fostered several children for over 12 years-during and after that relationship. Fostering gave me comfort and allowed me to nurture children that were so desperately in need of love and safety and make a difference in the next generation. This stage in my life has contained another crossroad for me in deciding to go back to school to become an elementary teacher. My husband and I have dreams of traveling, now and even more so when we have an empty nest. I am finding myself again as I navigate through having only one child at home and facing the fact that that stage of my life has ended. I am investing in me and ways to continue to make a difference in the lives of children while balancing my own needs as well. I spent so long taking care of everyone else that I lost myself along the way.

Berk, L. (2019). Exploring child and adolescent development. Boston: Pearson Education

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Erikson felt this stage was one of recovery from middle adulthood. As we get older we can look back on our lives and feel content with what we've contributed to it hoping to feel a sense of integrity. We have the wisdom of years and experiences. We are now faced with what comes next-the inevitable end. Some adults reach this stage and feel despair for their perceived failures. They fear death and struggle to understand their purpose or sometimes they feel an enlarged sense of dogmatism, or views that only their opinions are correct.

"Integrity results from feeling that life was worth living as it happened."  (Berk, 2019, p. 10)

I hope that my experiences in life and especially middle adulthood prepare me to face the end bravely and with grace. I appreciate the wisdom of the elderly and have depended on it through many difficult times in my adulthood. My grandparents were strong figureheads and I hope that I contribute to my family and those around me as my grandparents did for me.

Berk, L. (2019). Exploring child and adolescent development. Boston: Pearson Education