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DEAR HURTING ONE,

Maybe you are Catholic, maybe you aren't. You're here because you'd like to be in a safe (virtual) space with others who have been hurt by the news that a trusted, prominent figure in our local Catholic community has been convicted and sentenced to jail for sexual offences against minors.

This is a space where you can give voice to your grief, betrayal, anger or any other emotion you may have. A space where you can explore what this means for your relationship with God or the Church. A space where you will not be judged for giving voice to your pain.

Maybe you are among the ones who know who the offender is. Maybe you know the survivors. Maybe you don't. It doesn't matter which. What matters is that you are hurting because of this news. (Reminder: The person's identity is under gag order so as to protect the survivors of the crime - we cannot post anything that may reveal who it is.)

Since the first news of this broke (20 Jan), there has been silence about it from our Church leadership until Archbishop's letter on 5 May (posted below).  I do not presume to know why that is - but what I do know is that the long silence surrounding this event has been making people more hurt and angry because they have nowhere to go with their pain and no place to be held. I count myself among one of these people.

This space is my very small personal initiative to offer hospitality for those who need to process their thoughts and feelings about this event. This is a space to listen better - to ourselves and to others. To grieve together and be consoled that we are not alone.

Please feel free to voice what you need to give voice to - honesty is welcome here.

But please note what this space is NOT.

This space is not a place to verbally abuse anyone.
This space is not a place to attack or assign blame to others.
This space is not a place to give advice to others.
This space is not a place to dump all negative thoughts and emotions without consideration.
This space is not a substitute for deeper processing and healing (e.g. in therapy or spiritual direction)

Please refer to the Guidelines for engaging on this board so that we can all experience the hospitality and kindness we need in this difficult and vulnerable time.

P.S. You can post anonymously or just with a first name or initials if you wish. Whatever helps you feel safe.

Peace,
Ann Yeong

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Updated 5 May 2022

https://www.channelnewsasia.com/singapore/catholic-order-prominent-figure-sex-offences-teenage-boys-jail-5-years-2665396

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SINGAPORE: A prominent figure in the local Catholic community was jailed for five years on Thursday (May 5) for sexual offences against two teenage boys.

Both victims had asked the man, who was a member of a Catholic order, to be their godfather.

The identity of the victims is protected by gag order. The man cannot be named due to gag orders prohibiting the publication of his name, designation, appointment and a school to which he was linked.

He pleaded guilty to one charge of carnal intercourse against the order of nature and one charge of committing an indecent act with a young person.

Two more charges for similar offences were considered for sentencing.

VICTIMS AND OFFENDER WERE CLOSE

The court heard that the first victim, identified in court documents as V1, often saw the offender at chapel. The man extended care and concern to V1 and would ask him how he was doing.

The Singaporean man had taken a vow of celibacy and has never married, according to court documents.

In 2007, the boy asked the man to be his godfather for his Catholic rite of confirmation. This meant mentoring and guiding the boy on his spiritual journey.

The pair grew close. They started to exchange hugs, which escalated into back and leg massages that the man gave V1.

On multiple occasions, the man performed sex acts on the boy, who was between 14 and 15 years old at the time.

The second victim, identified in court documents as V2, also asked the man to be his godfather sometime between 2003 and 2004.

The pair were close and affectionate, and would hug often. The man would go out for meals with the boy's family, and the boy confided in the man.

The man developed "strong feelings" for V2 and started giving him full-body massages, the court heard.

These escalated into sex acts on multiple occasions in 2005 when the boy was between 14 and 15 years old.

HE "LOST HIMSELF", SAYS DEFENCE

Deputy Public Prosecutors Sarah Siau and Gail Wong asked for four to six years' jail for the offender, citing his abuse of trust and authority.

The prosecutors highlighted the young age of the victims during the offences, and the fact that the sex acts took place multiple times.

Defence lawyer Edmond Pereira said that the two victims were now working adults with their own families.

He said they had "moved on" with their lives and were "doing well", with no evidence to suggest they had been "marred" by the experience.

Asking for a shorter jail term, the lawyer said that during the time of the offences, the offender had "lost himself" and was "overwhelmed" with his responsibilities.

However, this was not an excuse for his actions and he has apologised for his wrongdoing, said Mr Pereira.

He cited a report by an Institute of Mental Health psychiatrist stating that the man's risk of reoffending was very low given his treatment with therapy.

In sentencing, District Judge Shaiffudin Saruwan noted the "egregious abuse of trust" in this case.

"The accused has exploited his position of significant influence and authority," said the judge.

"In addition to that, he was also godfather to one of the victims and as godfather, he wielded enormous spiritual authority over the victim."

He added that the sentence must convey society's disapproval of the harm caused by the man's actions, and the need to protect vulnerable victims.

The judge said he also took into account the offender's remorse, seen through his cooperation with investigations and decision to plead guilty, sparing the victims from testifying at trial.

The offence of carnal intercourse against the order of nature, which has since been repealed, is punishable with up to 10 years' jail and a fine.

Committing an indecent act with a young person is punishable with up to two years' jail, a fine of up to S$5,000 or both for first-time offenders. The maximum punishments are doubled for repeated offenders.

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Prominent figure in Catholic community jailed for sex offences against 2 teenage boys

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SINGAPORE: A prominent figure in the local Catholic community was jailed for five years on Thursday (May 5) for sexual offences against two teenage boys. Both victims had asked the man, who was a member of a Catholic order, to be their godfather. The identity of the victims is protected by gag order.

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Archbishop William Goh's Pastoral Letter

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Archbishop William Goh's Pastoral Letter

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5 May 2022

https://www.catholic.sg/pastoral-letter-on-seeking-gods-merciful-healing-and-vigilance-in-protecting-our-young/?fbclid=IwAR2ZTNUFNkLpD-ebUfbvq8s5CPfwjKOI2cyRciJqL55m7glJ5RQASzKCgr4

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- Please read the Welcome Note if you haven't!

- Follow each column's title prompt to write your response. Each prompt is meant to help you connect with yourself and aid you in processing the complex thoughts and emotions that may be tangled inside you.

- You may write as much or as little as you wish. You do not need to respond to every prompt.

- To keep this an emotionally safe space for all, posts will require approval before they appear and individual comments to posts are disabled. However, you are free to share your response as a new post in the column "RESPONSES"

- Please note that whatever is published on this board is public (anyone with the link to this board can read it).

- Please refrain from giving any detail or information that may reveal the identity of the person(s) in question which will violate the gag order (such posts will not be published)

- I reserve the right to refuse to publish or to delete any posts that reduces the psychological and emotional safety of those who visit this virtual space (including my own).

- I reserve the right to close access to this space at my personal discretion.

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When you first found out about this news - what thoughts ran through your mind? E.g. "What if this is someone I know?"

Feel free to write as much or little as you wish below. (Click on the "+" sign to post)

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Try listing down - in sequence - the various emotions you have experienced since hearing about this news.

You may wish to refer to the Emotion Wheel that can be found at this link: https://humansystems.co/emotionwheels/

E.g. Disbelief. Dismay. Alarm. Anxious. Angry. Worried. Disgusted.

Feel free to post your response below. (Click on the "+" sign to post)

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What bodily sensations have you experienced since hearing this news, or when you think about it? (E.g. pain, numbness, tightness)

Where in your body do you feel it? (E.g. head, neck, shoulder, stomach, heart, back)

Feel free to write your response below. (Click on the "+" sign to post)

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What are the uncensored thoughts and emotions you would wish to tell God about this event? What would be your "psalm"?

Remember that the psalms in the scriptures contained some of the rawest, most honest emotions.

(If you find it difficult to bring your emotions honestly to God even in private - you may wish to read Praying The Truth: Deepening Your Friendship with God Through Honest Prayer)

God is big enough to take whatever you can throw at him. If you wish to, write your response below. (Click on the "+" sign to post)

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When scandals hit the Church, it naturally impacts the way we see ourselves and our relationship with the Church as well.

Insofar as we define the Church as the Body of Christ - when one part of the body hurts, the entire body hurts.

Insofar as we define the Church as an institution and made up of the hierarchy of clergy, we can often feel powerless about what we can do when we hurt unless those with the authority and power shepherd us well.

QUESTION:
How does this event affect your relationship to the Catholic Church? You may wish to consider for example:

- Has it made you question your identity/ allegiance to the Catholic Church?
- Has it made you want to take any action with regards to your relationship with the Church, whether it is drawing closer or moving further away?
- Has it made you wonder what it means to be Catholic?
- Has it triggered any new thoughts/convictions about what it means to be Catholic?
- How do you feel towards "Church" however you understand or define it?

Please feel free to write honestly - remember you can remain anonymous. You will not be judged. And your response may make others feel less alone!

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Is there something that another person has written here which has made you feel understood, less alone, or comforted? Or perhaps there is something that someone else has written that made you feel challenged or inspired.

If you wish to share what you have gained from your time on this board, feel free to share below!

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Resources for Emotional & Spiritual Support

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Resources for Emotional & Spiritual Support

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You are not alone or abnormal for feeling overwhelmed or NOT feeling (e.g. numbing out) about an event.

It is important that each of us find support so that we can find healing and integrity in our own lives. If we do not acknowledge the impact of this news has on us, it will eventually come out some other way and bring more harm to ourselves and those close to us.

This Padlet is one of the resources I have made available on my website to support fellow hurting Catholics. You can find more at this link: https://www.integroformation.com/hurting-catholics

Please do not hesitate to reach out for professional support. You may wish to refer to the articles below.

Mental Health Resources:
https://thesmartlocal.com/read/therapy-guide-singapore/
https://www.sassymamasg.com/counselling-therapy-in-singapore/

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How can you help yourself find the emotional and spiritual support you need as you navigate your pain around this event?

You don't have to share your response publicly here though if you do it may help others have ideas about how to find help.

What resources will you tap into? Is there any resource you can share?

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Thank you for stopping by, and for posting your responses and listening to the responses of others.

If this processing space has helped you, please share the padlet link with someone you know who is hurting because of this news. URL: https://padlet.com/integroformation/uhi3hposhf222lxq

Let us pray for each other, and for everyone affected by the dark side / shadows of the Church. I believe that God's love and mercy somehow holds all these contradictions and somehow will bring all things - ultimately - unto good (Rom 8:28)

The English mystic, Lady of Julian of Norwich famously wrote "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well" during the Black Plague when death and hopelessness was all around. May we also be granted the grace we need to not despair.

We can also do something else other than pray - this has been my very small contribution to healing. I pray that the Holy Spirit will move you to know what small thing you can also do to light a candle in this darkness.

Peace,
Ann Yeong
www.integroformation.com

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I've always thought such abuse do exist in our local church, just that it hasn't made public news. This case made me wonder how much did the local church authorities already knew, and how much have they done to address the hurts and reduce future recurrence. I hope this case generates a healthy and honest conversation about the harm we have been causing each other within the church, be it physically, emotionally or spiritually.

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Nonchalant, numb, disgust, frustrated, and back to nonchalant... I think this case has roused a deep-seated mistrust I have with church figures, and I have learnt to detached my emotions in order to avoid being hurt...

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Having seen the sex abuse crisis play out in so many other countries I wondered what will happen for our local church? How will our leaders handle it? Is this just the start for us?

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I was dismayed to read the news and later on sad because I have friends who knew who it was and were in shock.

Angry at the continued silence and having everything go on as "normal" business. All this talk about being a missionary church is 🤬 if we can't even bring healing to our own.

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My stomach clenches and I feel nauseated when I am thinking about this.

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My trust in the institutional church has been decreasing in the past few years and this doesn't help.

It feels like we are being abandoned during our time in need.

I am rethinking what it means to be Catholic

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I am disappointed, hurt and sad .. sad for such a broken Church.  To make it even more painful when this is a prominent figure (as reported on CNA).
https://www.channelnewsasia.com/singapore/catholic-figure-charged-sex-offences-boys-2447611

it is painful to see how broken the Church is ....

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SINGAPORE: A prominent figure in the local Catholic community was charged in court on Thursday (Jan 20) with sexual offences against teenage boys between 2005 and 2007.

The man cannot be named due to detailed gag orders imposed by the court, that prohibit the publication of his name, designation, appointment and a school he was linked to.

He was handed two counts of voluntarily having carnal intercourse against the order of nature with two male teenagers, and two counts of committing indecent acts with two male teenagers.

It is unclear if the two boys in the carnal intercourse charges are the same victims in the indecent act charges.

The man is accused of having carnal intercourse by performing a sex act on a boy aged between 14 and 15 sometime between April 2007 and December 2007.

He is accused of the same act with another boy aged between 14 and 16 between January 2005 and December 2006.

Sometime in 2005 at a location redacted from charge sheets, the accused allegedly masturbated a boy who was between 14 and 15.

He is accused of doing the same to another boy who was between 14 and 15 sometime between April 2007 and December 2007.

The prosecutor on Thursday asked for the man to be remanded for psychiatric observation, to evaluate whether he is suffering from any abnormality of mind that could have impaired his mental responsibility for the alleged acts.

The man's lawyer, Mr Edmond Pereira, asked for no plea to be recorded at this stage, adding that he would be making representations on behalf of his client.

The prosecutor was granted a request for a gag order to be issued, to cover the location and schoolinvolved, the identities of the victims and the accused, as well as the designation and appointment of the accused.

The accused is set to return to court next month.

If convicted of carnal intercourse against the order of nature, an offence that has since been repealed, he can be jailed up to 10 years and fined.

If convicted of an indecent act with a young person, he can be jailed up to two years, fined up to S$5,000, or both if it is his first offence.

Repeat offenders for such crimes face a maximum of four years' jail, a fine of up to S$10,000, or both.

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Prominent figure in Catholic community charged with sex offences against teenage boys

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SINGAPORE: A prominent figure in the local Catholic community was charged in court on Thursday (Jan 20) with sexual offences against teenage boys between 2005 and 2007. The man cannot be named due to detailed gag orders imposed by the court, that prohibit the publication of his name, designation, appointme

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What happened and what are we doing about it??

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What happened and what are we doing about it??

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It is with great disappointment to learn about this news... especially when this is a trusted figure in the church. It is not surprising given the many cases that have come to light in the recent years, all over the world. However, it really impacted me hard this time as this hits home, people we actually know.
Why did this happen? What drove these sick actions? In my mine, this totally discredits all the good the person has done. Frankly I am not sure how to process and what to make of it. What is a just and fair reaction to this? What would Jesus say or do?
On one hand,we recognise we are all human and are broken. Hurting people hurt people, and there is more to the story. Yet at the same time, this is no excuse to condone such acts... the victims... they have gone through so much and will continue to struggle for the rest of their lives... the self doubt, the pain, the dirti-ness they feel, the confusion, the betrayal....
What could I have done to avoid it...
Only if I did this or that... it could have been avoided....
We need to help these victims to process and overcome all these thoughts...

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How could one do such a thing....
In my mind I wondering how a person orchestrates such an act... on multiple occasions...
And it disgusts me....
Justice is what I seek for these victims...
Also recognising that healing is need for the perpetrator and the victims...

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Reading about this got me boiling...
Thereafter, I felt very disappointed....
How could you.... how could this happen....
The hurt and pain that was meted out through these twisted acts...

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"Psalm 23

The Divine Shepherd

A Psalm of David.

1 The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
2     He makes me lie down in green pastures;
he leads me beside still waters;[a]
3     he restores my soul.[b]
He leads me in right paths[c]
for his name’s sake.

4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley,[d]
I fear no evil;
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff—
they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.

6 Surely[e] goodness and mercy[f] shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
my whole life long.[g]"

I uncontrollably wept as I thought of a Psalm to pray during this part. Anger, confusion, so many unanswered questions. In all of this I find refuge and comfort with the Divine Shepherd

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Indeed imperfect people and sinners we all are that make up the church. However, when something goes wrong, we must address it. We don't sweep it under the carpet and cover up. We recognise our failings and we make restitution  and do our best to bring healing.  To do our best to restore and bring healing by being God's instruments.
We do not remain silent. We take action, after careful thought and consideration.
I hope the church makes a statement and stand, coming out of the shadows.... its opening ourselves to alot of mixed interpretations by being quiet

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This sounds like someone I might know...

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This sounds like someone I might know...

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Since I'm a fairly active Catholic, there's a good chance that I might know who this person is. At the same time, I was hoping I won't know this person because I'm not sure if I know how I might react if I really did know this person. The next thought that came immediately after was might I know the victims and could there be even more. That hit harder.

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I didn't want to believe that this might be true. I kept telling myself that I should not be so quick to judge since the hearing has not confirmed the allegations. I was numb for a few days probably because I was afraid to face up to what I am actually feeling. After a few days, I was angry at many things - How could an adult do something like that to younger people under his charge? How was this allowed to happen? Why hasn't the Church said anything? Why is aren't people who are negatively affected talking about this?

Brief conversations with a few people triggered more anger and frustration because frankly speaking, I don't know how to deal with this either. I felt hurt too and I don't know how to help all of us heal. People also started to share some stories of accounts they have heard or have experienced/witnessed themselves involving some form of (sexual) abuse within a church and/or school context and I felt disillusioned. How is it that all these were allowed to happen and were more often than not swept under the carpet instead of being brought to light?

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Why am I finding out about this from secular media instead of church leaders?

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Why am I finding out about this from secular media instead of church leaders?

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Even more questions:

Is the purported reason of not reporting the name of the criminal genuinely to protect the victims or the criminal, or worse the reputation of the church? Why not name and shame the criminal?

Why no one in the church's leadership has anything to say about it even though this had been brewing for years in the courts?

Would I know anyone directly affected by this crime and how lonely it must be for them to face this, and how brave they must be.

Since nothing has been forthcoming from church leadership (talk about sins of omission), is it possible for laypeople to lead the charge and "clean house" now, not just with thoughts and prayers and words but through works of justice and care?

How many more criminals are hiding behind the cloth?

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Anger - rage - disgust - embarrassment - shame

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Anger - rage - disgust - embarrassment - shame

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Rinse and repeat. Mainly directed at the unknown criminal and the known but silent church leaders (both clerical and lay). Keeping quiet and hoping the issue will go away is a sure sign that they're stuck in some silo and don't know what they're doing.

The last 2 emotions especially in light of recent highly publicised celebrations of 200+ years of the church in Singapore.

The inability to address crimes committed by one of their own today makes all the Catholics who sacrificed so much in the past and present look guilty by mere association.

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Tense shoulders and forearms

Aching jaw

Shallow rapid breathes

Head throbbing

Boiling heat

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I don't know what your plan is
Dear God
But I ask that make the deaf hear and the dumb speak
Truth and justice
For your people who are oppressed by these modern day pharisees and scribes

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It might be a blessing for the church as an institution to get winnowed and reduced, and for the church as community and body of Christ to recover in humble communities where poverty (not just the spiritual kind) is actually practiced, without the temptations of land, money, and position.

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Seemed to be more random and often since the news broke.

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Your children in anguish and in pain
Cries to you against dumbfounded walls
Hearing only the echoes of their own voices
As they fade into hints of
Whimpering
Tears

Yet loud is the silence
When all that is left
Is me and
The wall

I scratch the wallpaper
Annoyed at the remnants that remain stuck
Creating pastel scars
That remind me of my own

I begin to rip
Losing patience and gaining speed
Ignoring the bleeds and cracks
Ignoring the tears

Stopping only to see that what lies behind
Is but a cold dull stone
Nothing
More

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I would personally love to see more lay people taking up initiative through their own particular gifts and callings and respond to this event/crisis.

Especially since the "Church" is more than the institution and hierarchy of clergy but entire People of God!

A resource which has helped me awaken to the dignity of my baptismal priesthood as a lay person is this book: "Catholic Laity in the Mission of the Church"

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HV34LEK/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

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Reading your responses here has been a humbling and moving experience for me. Your heartbreaking honesty makes me also feel seen and heard in my own grief/sorrow/anger/frustration.

Where do we go from here? I also don't know. But I hope that conversations can be started where we are.

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This is also an aspect that upsets me greatly. Why is it that there is so much publicity and celebration about the contributions of the Church to Singapore, but absolute silence when a scandal hits the headlines?

Why is there not even an acknowledgement of the pain/grief that this is already causing our community, especially those who are closely related to the case/persons?

I don't know the answers, and not knowing it continues to cause me sorrow, anger and disappointment. I find it ironic for us to keep exhorting Catholics to be "evangelising and missionary" while not being able to deal with our own shortcomings.

What kind of witness are we giving? These are some of the thoughts and emotions I had been struggling with myself.