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This essay really shows how the student thinks. It manages to incorporate his love for Jazz Music meanwhile inform the admissions officer of the author's mathematical and physics-oriented brain. It gives a glimpse of what kinds of activities the student will be involved in on campus and how he wants to contribute. The ending is really creative and will separate the student from the thousands of others that apply.

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As I began reading this essay, I couldn't help but notice the title ("College Essay"). More than likely, this will be the first thing an admissions officer reads. It seems lazy and like the applicant didn't put in the effort to come up with a brief description to hook the reader. From that point on, it makes the reader have an apprehensive feeling about admitting the student. However, the intro paragraph was very creative. It made me wonder what the essay was going to be about and kept me reading on. The second paragraph completely shifts gears when talking about the student growing up with an alcoholic parent. I think the essay has a lot of potential but needs some fine-tune editing with grammar and syntax.

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This essay was a unique way to describe how the student was adopted. The introduction paragraph started out by describing the way the applicant's hair was brushed as a child and then goes back to her hair in the very last sentence. I like this technique of utilizing a metaphor to describe how one has grown and matured in life. It was a very creative approach and seems unique.

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This essay combines a personal experience (the passing of a special needs cousin) with certain accomplishments over the course of high school. The first paragraph has a nice hook but needs some revision with grammar in sentences 6 and 7. While there are a few grammar errors in the intro paragraph, it does a nice job highlighting the students personality and shows their caring nature. The conclusion completely wraps up the whole essay and leaves the reader with a powerful last thought of the applicant (helping them to stand out from the other students).

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It's obvious that the author of the piece is applying in order to pursue a physics degree, and that he/she is able to transition seamlessly between subjects, and is always wondering. The quality of curiosity is seen in the plethora of questions, but I feel the rhetorical questions got pretty repetitive. Furthermore, the introduction, while observant and demonstrating how education is a major player in the student's life, seemed a bit haughty, maybe even cocky to me.

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This essay was pretty good, as it combined a personal experience with a sense of growth, and meaning. I thought it was well-written, but the piece at the end where the author threw in details about being an athlete seemed unnecessary to me: but hey, that's something you can work on in college.

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Honestly this essay said nothing about the author. Instead, it simply cited numerous stories of atrocities committed by individuals and basically summed it all up with, "I don't know myself, but hey I'm not dead yet". It just seemed poorly written, and had such a confusing introduction that I was lost and disinterested as soon as I laid eyes upon it. I think that perhaps the author should address the prompt, rather than showing how many disturbing stories they've heard. Also, one shouldn't have an intro that's FOUR PARAGRAPHS LONG.

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I feel like this essay was the best one I read by far. It attacked the prompt, gave specific details, and was strikingly personal. Furthermore, the fact that the author transitions so smoothly and can so easily paint a picture of themselves with words is just excellent writing. Very well-written.

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Essay 5 was definitely emotional, but possibly overdone. The first sentence talks about her trip to Africa to help under privileged students. To me, I thought wow how sweet, but as an admissions officer it may seem like an overused topic that doesn't showcase anything. I think the story she told of the eyedrops was better than a person simply saying "I went on a mission trip, it was good." However there were many times where she switched verb tenses within one sentence, and her line of reasoning was a little confusing because at the end she switched focus from Africa to Thornton, which didn't provide an effective ending.

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This was my favorite essay, and I would accept this author into my school. Being adopted was clearly an important and defining part of her, and she used that to perfectly answer the prompt. Her writing was clear and error free, she had very distinct imagery that not only affected the reader but was essential in proving her point. The hook was interesting, and it was good the way she came back to it at the very end to tie it all back together.

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I think this essay has potential, but it was not fulfilled. The intro created a great image, but I don't understand why they would include a throbbing finger if they weren't going to expand on that but just change the focus to creating a good dinner. I think the story of this person's life could be impactful, but it wasn't quite there yet. Possibly splitting the essay up into more paragraphs would help break up the important ideas. I do think the ending was impactful and did help to sum up the entire essay.

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At first, I didn't really know direction this essay was going, especially in regards to the prompt. But as I got further into the essay, it all came together to make a really strong statement. The intro was very intriguing and hooked the reader in to know more about her hair lol. You can tell that this is something so important to the author and she explained that in a really engaging way.

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The beginning of this essay seemed so juvenile and cheesy, to the extent that I had a hard time getting through the intro part. But it ended up having a really strong meaning and told the story of her circumstances and how she grew from those. I did think it was a little repetitive, but overall a great message of her perverseness.

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This essay was very personal and drew me in with how well the author communicated her passion for these kids. It didn't seem forced or artificial at all, but a genuine heart for these children, stemming from her own brother. The author did a great job telling her story and connecting that back to how this has affected her in a positive light. At some points, it jumped around a was a little hard to follow, but the overall idea was great and she concluded the essay in a great way.

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I couldn't get a sense of who the author was through this essay. Instead of telling their own story, those chose to take snip its of literature and piece those together. I couldn't get a clear picture of how they have grown or developed because of this. Even though I did think it was an interesting and unique way of incorporating literature into her story, I do wish there was more about the author.

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This essay had many strengths and weaknesses. For one the writer was smart to talk about their Big Idea Project because that is a significant way to show the reader their involvement in their community. Although, when the writer began talking about the TV show I sort of got lost and zoned out because I genuinely didn't comprehend what they were trying to say.

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I agree with Claire the beginning of the essay was a bit cheesy but the way she carried on with that throughout her essay was really unique especially with how she somehow compared herself to mac and cheese.

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This essay was probably the strongest out of all of them. The unique way that the writer told her story of adoption and adversity was very enticing. I genuinely enjoyed reading this essay I'm not quite sure I have anything remotely negative to say about it.

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I like the direction that the author was going within this essay but unfortunately I think they lost themselves in the process. Instead of showing who they truly were they used snip its of different literary pieces which drew all the attention away from them.

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This essay wasn't a stand-out essay to me. It didn't seem to give a lot of insight into the true character of the writer, more than his curiosity for physics and other various subjects. I think that it was well put together and was well-written, but didn't dive into the personal aspect, which was his jazz solo. However, I did like the conclusion because it intertwined the author with the grander scheme of life, and left the reader with a lasting taste.

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This essay definitely had a focus and lasting message that was developed throughout the essay. I like the structure of the disappointment and the lesson to overcome, but it seemed a little bit cheesy and un-original. I felt like the story up to the Big Idea project wasn't described enough, but this is a little bit understandable because of the word limit. Additionally, I felt like the essay didn't shed light onto the author and their traits as a student. This is what I think college admissions officers would be looking for. This essay seems like it would blend in with others about common morals of life and "finding good in the bad".

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I really like this essay, I just feel like there could be a tiny bit added or taken out to make it flow better. I absolutely love how the author used the mac and cheese analogy to demonstrate how she had grown. I think that there could've been more descriptive adjectives used to possibly expound on the person that they are today. This is really key and I think could've added a little bit more of a personal touch. However, overall I really like this essay. It shows the author's vulnerability, but isn't too emotional where the essay isn't professional. The experience described helped grow the author and I think that colleges would look for people who grow through tough situations.

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Wow this essay is truly amazing and was well written 100% of the way through. It really built up the story, and in so little words, seemed to encapsulate so much of who the author was. I really think this author would've been admitted because her essay depicts who she is. It shows confidence and growth through a struggle. She is vulnerable, which makes this personable. Each word was perfectly placed and had a purpose. This essay was spectacular.

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In my opinion, this essay has a lot of room for growth. It was slightly repetitive and a little boring. However, I think that it shows passion and the strengths that that student has. Colleges want to see passion and drive within its students and I think that person did a well job incorporating that.

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The beginning of this essay had me very shocked that someone was really writing about mac and cheese. It really ended up having a nice transition into how she became who she is. This essay is powerful and strong and I think that this was a strong way to show how they were able to bring the good out of a bad situation that many people could've done differently with what they were given. I do think that the ending could've been better written and I wasn't a fan of the "Ouch!" in the beginning but other than that I think this was a good, strong essay.

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I think that this essay was slightly too much on the showcase factor. I think it was an amazing story, but I feel as though there should have been more talk about themselves and how much they were impacted. There doesn't feel like much of a point to the writing, other than just simply a story. I think as a person it is a good story, but colleges might look at it and wonder what the point is. I know when I was reading, I kept waiting for it to get to the point where they talked about themselves. With that, I also think the ending could've been better written as well.

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I enjoyed the way that they decided to format their piece. However, I feel as though it could have been made with one less analogy, and more focus on themselves. I feel like they were more focused on writing in that format rather than fulfilling the prompt of themselves. I also wish that the ending would have been more stable, I think it was kind of all over the place.

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This essay did a great job of connecting two topics that would not normally be thought of together. And I thought it was good that they included a rhetorical question at the end to really engage the audience. However, I do agree that it was a little boring to read, especially in the middle, but the first and last paragraphs were strong.

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This essay definitely has strengths in terms of being able to "see the good in the bad". I liked how the person who wrote this was able to make light of the situation even though it was a tough one. The figurative language makes it entertaining to read and connects the audience to the reader. However, this essay has no title and the topics are kind of all over the place and the essay spends a lot of time focussing on their favorite show.

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I agree that this essay could have had a better title than "College Essay". I also think this essay could have been a little more descriptive of the challenges that have overcome in their lifetime more than what they went through at home. However I did like the opening of the story about the Mac n Cheese because it gave us a bit of a happier look into their life and creativity.

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This essay is sure to make this applicant stand out. Her physical descriptions of herself connect the readers to her and allow them to see the person behind this essay. I have almost nothing about this essay to critique and appreciate that the essay isn't overdone with emotional detail.

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The writer did a really good job at connecting two aspects of their life that wouldn't normally be connected to one another. However, I do think this essay has a lot of room for improvement because they don't give a very unique insight to who they are as a person and it was a bit boring to read as well.

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I think this essay has a good mix between its strengths and weaknesses. I really liked how the writer focused on their failures and how they grew from them rather than pretending like they're always perfect. I do think they could have given more of a unique insight into who they are as a person because most of their essay was spent talking about their favorite tv show- which isn't always the most insightful into who they are as a student.

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I enjoyed the lay out of this essay and the idea of including a story. However, this essay didn't really give an insight to who the writer is as a student or as a person in general. Instead of including a story that's 4 paragraphs long, I think they should have focused on creating a stronger connection between the story and themselves as a person. Additionally, the essay was all over the place and very hard to follow along as the reader.

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This essay truly did give anyone reading a personal insight into who the author is as a person and how working with these kids provided them a chance at personal growth. It wasn't overdone or over dramatic, but rather a genuine story of how the author enjoys working with these kids. It was a bit hard to follow at certain points, but overall this was a well written essay.

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This essay shows leadership in two different aspects. By mentioning their Big Idea Project they demonstrated their ability to make a change in the community but by being able to learn from their failures shows even greater leadership. I think the essay could've been improved if they made it more relatable, like Tessa said, I don't know about the show they were talking about so if they picked something more wide known, it would accompany a larger audience and be more relatable to who ever was reading it.

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This essay definitely had the best imagery of all the ones I read. The descriptions and word choice made the story stand out. The essay was not written as a way to gain pity from others, but more as a way to share her story and to share how it shaped them as an individual.

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This was a powerful essay but I believe that it could have been too powerful. The author created a good story and definitely made it emotional to grab the reader, but did not relate the essay back to their own life as much as they probably could've. If she were to share more about how the trip effected her, it would've made it more unique compared to all of the other mission trip essays, as I have heard that is a common topic to write college essays about. There are some minor punctuation errors I noticed but that is the only mechanical issue.

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This essay was organized in the traditional essay form, which made it look very professional. The story the author shares was a little confusing though. I was not able to grasp the concept the author was trying to share and if I was a college admissions officer, I would not get an idea of what the author is like as a person.

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When I first began reading this essay, I thought that it was going to be everything not to do. I thought that the essay was going to be about how a mission trip to Africa taught her so much and was the greatest opportunity blah blah blah, but instead turned it into how this opportunity allowed her to find her passion. As an admissions officer, having a student address and know exactly what they are passionate about would be a strength for their admission. This essay showed that the student loves helping others, and that the field of medicine was the route they wanted to take in their life in order to continue helping others. A couple weaknesses I saw was the ending and the word choice. The writer didn't necessarily describe every situation as well as I think she could. She could've used more emotion to evoke that feeling from the reader. The ending seemed weak because it was difficult to understand to me. I couldn't necessarily grasp what the writer was trying to convey the first time I read it and had to keep rereading the endng to understand.

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I honestly really liked this essay and the way that the student described who they were without explicitly saying it. I believe they could have gone more in depth on how english has impacted them as a student and person, however, I think the creativity of the characters used really helped their case. It showed that they enjoy learning and reading and connecting with other people, not just characters. The introduction was a bit confusing but after reading more, it began to make more sense. I think the student should have written more about why the topic was important to them. Otherwise, I think this was a very good essay.

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If I were an admissions officer, I think I would really like this essay because the student described two of their passions that most people would compare to be extremely different, yet somehow entangled them to be so similar. I see most people to either have a logistics mind or an artistic mind -- left brain or right brain idea -- but this student was able to show that the have lots of experience and passion for both. I really like how the ending is open ended and ends with a question because as the student moves on to college, they know they will see growth and change in their life, however, they know that their passions will remain constant.

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I really like how the author of this essay was very vulnerable and showed a part of who they are that not many people may know about them. I also like how the writer wrote the positives that came out of negative situations because it shows how the student is very optimistic. However, the title was a big red flag because it lacked creativity. The introduction could have been more relevant to the topic -- possibly explain how they felt in the moment of a fight of the parents or seeing the parent reac for another bottle of alcohol.

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I think that this was a really strong essay because instead of talking about the entire experience of the trip, the author chose to focus on one specific moment that allowed them to hone in on what drives their passion. The vocabulary does a really good job of allowing the reader to picture what the author saw when arriving to their destination on this trip. Something that I thought made the essay a little bit weaker was the fact that throughout the paragraphs, the tense that they were writing in changed, which isn't necessarily a bad thing but I thought it drew away from the end goal of the essay. Overall, I thought the message of the essay was well conveyed, but not developed, so readers miss out on the personal goals accomplished.

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Some of the strengths that I thought were evident in this essay were the fact that the writer was able to relate something extremely average, such as a tv show episode, to something that affected them greatly, the Big Idea Project. I also thought that using their favorite tv show was a good way to exhibit personality traits that the author possessed, and convey the importance of their Big Idea Project that the author saw. Something I thought made the essay weaker was that there wasn't very many images or examples that allowed the reader to feel the passion of the reader, so it feels like you are reading this from a bubble, instead of experiencing it alongside the author.

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I thought that this essay was really strong in showing the personality and voice of the reader that really showcases what they love in life and personality traits that were gained from following these passions. It really demonstrated why the topic was important to the author. I thought it was a little bit confusing that in the beginning the author talked about how they learned a lot of personality traits from their cousin, but didn't go on to explain how those had presented themselves in their life. I think it would've been interesting to see how this desire to help and spread love had showcased itself beyond the special needs community.

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The strongest part of this essay for me was the imagery and examples that the author used to convey their personality. The emotional conflict that they felt when they were younger was really well showcased, and it uses a small story to show how the author struggled through a conflict unique from many people. The conclusion ties the intro into the essay and wraps up the message really effectively.

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I honestly kind of have to disagree with what people are saying here. While it was a good essay, I found certain pieces of it distracting or unnecessary, or that at least could have been worded better. The use of a storyline to guide their essay was effective in answering the prompt, but the story wasn't cultivated as well as the second Engage College Essay in the other assignment. That being said, the author does provide details that give insight into her life, something definitely looked for by admissions officers. The conclusion is also a powerful statement that characterizes the author's pride and confidence. The use of interesting adjectives also adds to the imagery of the piece, and expressed a unique voice. I would consider this essay to be above-average, but not exceptional.

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This essay is just the type that makes "admissions officers reach for the triple grande latte to stay awake." The student went on a mission trip to Africa - they didn't even really specify where in Africa: what nation did they go to, where is Debre Birhan - and realized what they wanted to do with their life. When describing the mission trip, they did not focus on a specific moment, a specific memory that made them realize what they wanted to do with their life. Even when mentioning the fact that they were guided by their uncle when dropping solutions into the children's eyes, that plot didn't drive the entire essay. Admissions officers are looking for your ability to create emotion within your writing, and recounting the entire trip is no way to do that. The conclusion is not satisfying; rather, it is blunt and doesn't convey her love for medicine. Consistent mistakes with grammar and dull word choice inhibit the writer from developing a clear voice and persona. I would need more convincing from other parts of this student's application before I would allow them into my college.

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This essay didn't address the prompt well enough for me. The prompt is asking for a specific achievement or a specific event, and this student described a period of at least two years. The author very clearly expresses why helping those with special needs is important to them and creates decent emotional appeals in their explanation, but the essay doesn't apply to the prompt. The student could have created a very emotional and powerful essay by focusing simply on the death of their cousin or coaching the Unified team, but instead created a weaker one by including both. There are also grammatical errors throughout the piece that disrupt the flow of the piece. The ending, however, provides an insightful conclusion and reflection on the student's time with the special needs students. If they had formulated a story based on that reflection, the essay likely would have been better because it would show how the student gained "a new understanding" of themselves and their teammates.

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At the very beginning I noticed that the essay has no header. I had no idea what I was getting into or if I was even reading the right thing. The header can definitely be used in the author's favor and I think this essay would have benefited from more formatting. I think the strengths of the essay include the event chosen and the lesson learned. The author makes what she learned clear so that as the reader you know why they wrote what they did. I think the inclusion of the TV show was beneficial and descriptive and only became awkward when Of Mice and Men came into it. It through off the course of the essay and did not belong. Overall I wish there was a little more personal voice and formatting.

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This essay was all over the place. The transitions are lackluster, the stories are irrelevant, and the argument is incomplete. The majority of the essay was a retelling of popular literature. How are admissions officers supposed to get any idea of who you are as a student if you just blurt out references to famous books or plays? The essay is not intriguing or engaging. The student also hurts themselves by referring to herself as a "fabulous archetype": the image I got from this was one of arrogance. That is not the appearance you want to have before a college admissions officer, and I would not have admitted this student to my school.

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I think that overall it is an enjoyable read with a good hook and good conventions. The weaknesses of this essay lie in the content. I am not sure what the prompt is that they are addressing; I also lose the author's voice in the immense amount of retelling that they do. This essay would benefit from better paragraph organization and transistion, as well as, a clearer argument.

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This essay's strengths are definitely in the decriptive nature and ability for the author to combine two of their passions seamlessly for the reader. You can get a sense of how they think and how much curiousity they have. Part of what is missing is a measure of personal growth that would make this stand out. The idea that this person has learned and grown from their passions beyond a curiousity standpoint is important.

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This is the best one I ahve read. The author's personal voice, life lessons learned, and writing abilities really show through. The paragraphs transition very well and you not only get to glimpse into who they are, but also how they got their. It stood out from the others and I think it was a success overall.

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I really liked how much detail that the author incorporated into this essay. By including all of the detail that she did, she was able to show her emotions towards the situation and how it shaped her life. I also found it interesting how she was able to explain how this one small detail of her life was an event that shaped her, where I think most people would just disregard it. Overall, I think that this was a very good essay and she would stand out amongst the crowd to an admissions officer.

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One of the weaknesses that I saw at the beginning of the essay was that I didn't know what the author was talking about off the bat. I also thought that the first two paragraphs didn't really go with the rest of the essay as they were pretty unrelated. I liked though how the author used that analogy to his or hers personal life stories. I do not believe that this essay would leave a good impression on a college admissions officer because it is overall just more confusing and random and does not offer a clear display of their character development as the title states. I think that it stands out, just not for the right reasons.

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I think that this essay is a good start, but it feels like more of a draft than a final product. I also believe that the last sentence of the essay should have been addressed sooner because it is the response to the prompt. I think that if this author had made that point more towards the beginning and had the other information about what they had done relate to it, then it would be stronger and more intriguing. I do like though how this author used a personal anecdote of the discoveries that they've had in their time as a high school student. If I were an admissions officer, I would probably choose someone else that had a stronger essay over this one if I was forced to.

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I think that this essay is pretty strong. I liked how the author used some literary anecdotes throughout their description. I think that this essay is just kinda missing the personalization. If the author had mentioned more about how they've grown and gotten stronger as a person, then it would be a stronger essay. If I was an admissions officer, I would accept them for this essay.

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I liked how the author decided to include information on their Big Idea project because it was such a big part of their high school experience but I found it difficult to follow along with what the purpose was for the writing due to the fact that I had no idea what the show she spoke of was about. I also feel like somewhat of the "message" and ending was cliche and overused. That being said, it was a unique way to approach the message they wanted to show in their essay.

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This essay was really well written and enjoyable to read. It showed the unique characteristics of the author both physical and emotional. Sharing the feeling she had regarding such a personal subject like adoption shows how she is truly genuine in the message she shares in the essay. She said the journey she has taken with her adoptive parents has allowed her to discover herself as an individual and how to be proud of it. You can tell she is proud of herself because she wrote the essay displaying her progress. One thing I think she could have changed was the header of the essay because it has the words "College Essay" written and not something to pull in the reader.

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While the story is heartwarming, I wasn't a big fan of it as a college essay. I feel that mission trips are overdone and it was hard to find the purpose in the writing. The first paragraph talked about when they got there but then she took the majority of the space to talk about a little girls eyes and the disease they suffer from in Africa. This seems like more of a story and not something that shows how she was changed as a person. There was little about her love for medicine and more of what felt like filler. The end went from Africa and straight back to Colorado, making it feel like there was little that connected her to Africa all the way in Colorado.

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This essay was well written as a piece of writing but it wasn't really college essay feel. You should talk about yourself and what you have learned while this seemed more about talking about what others experienced. While you could infer that this student learned how to be proud of sporting outcomes no matter what, they didn't explicitly say what they learned and how it changed them. I also felt like the first paragraph didn't have a ton to do with the rest of the writing and it could have been reduced somewhat so there could be more space for the student to talk about what they personally learned.

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I thought that this essay was really unique and different. I liked how they brought together two of  biggest interests together by comparing and contrasting them. I liked how this applicant showed how each of them apply to his life and how they both have impacted him in different ways. Through this essay I could really see who the author was and what really goes on in their mind, through their descriptions. Overall, I thought it was a solid essay and would definitely want to know more about the person.

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I thought that this essay had a really strong message, and we learned a lot about the applicant's background and who they are. I did feel that the story was a little bit of a stretch from the Mac and Cheese story to their own about growing up at home with an alcoholic parent. Maybe if they had made a clearer connection, or added an additional paragraph in between then the transition would have been smoother and the essay would have fit together better. I still like the intro though because it's different and it's definitely an attention grabber. The paragraphs are really good separately, they just need some help bridging them together in the middle.

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I really liked this essay. I thought it was really good because the applicant shared a really cool and unique experience that they got to partake in that not everybody else gets to. I thought it was cool how they went really into detail and how they connected it to why they want to go into medicine as a profession. I thought it was a really cool way to tie in the experience that shaped the applicant to be the way they are and to be interested in the things they are interested in. Overall, it was very emotionally grabbing and it was super interesting.

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This essay was confusing to me, and I didn't get the point that the author was trying to make about themselves and their life experiences until the very last paragraph of their essay. The first 3 paragraphs confused me, until I realized later that they were characters from books. The last paragraph of the essay finally got into who the applicant was and why they love English class so much, but it took too long to get there. I want to know pretty soon after I start reading, who the author is, and this one took a really long time before they finally got to the point. After reading through the essay once, it made sense when I read it again because I knew the background information, but the first time I read it, I was utterly confused.

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This essay had a good message behind it and the author used his everyday life to convey this message. The author used math and jazz to convey the message that everything is a small part of the universe and everything is "controlled chaos". By using these two elements to control the essay it also provided an insight to the author's life. It showed his interests and passions in a less obvious way that was more unique than most college essay readers usually see. I felt that the hook could have been more interesting and engaging to make the piece stand out more but overall it was a unique, well written essay.

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This essay had a strong and unique hook that kept the author engaged and reading. I thought it was smart to use such a simple thing like making mac n cheese and turn it into something powerful. The author did have a powerful message behind the essay and their story made them vulnerable. I thought this was a purposeful approach and helped to make their story powerful. However I did think that after the hook the essay was very abrupt and could have found a more unique way to demonstrate their situation and tell their story without being so blunt about it.

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This essay shared an experience that the author went through however I don't think the essay elaborated on how the experience affected them as an individual and how it changed them for the better. It included a lesson from a favorite tv show but then it wasn't applied directly enough to the life and situation of the author. It was also hard to follow because there were many different ideas going on and much interpretation left up to the reader. The author mentions the show and then also briefly mentions the book Of Mice and Men making the essay hard to follow.

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This essay focuses on one event and a very specific moment in time. This made the essay strong and emotional because the idea of this one moment was developed to the fact that the reader was able to understand how this moment impacted the author's life. The author explains why this was an important moment in her life and that this moment is why she wants to go into medicine. I felt that the author's voice could have been stronger throughout the piece and more developed however the author did have detailed imagery and descriptive diction. Overall I thought the essay was pretty strong but could have used slight improvements.

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As a physics Student myself, I tend to agree with this, and I think it well demonstrates the students understanding of and desire to pursue physics. I would say that the student has revealed little to nothing about themself, and the college may struggle getting to know this student. Maybe the essay needs more than just an explanation of why they love physics and jazz. Other than that, it was well worded and well crafted by the writer, showing a good writing ability.

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This Essay did a better job than 1 at telling a story, but I really think this was the wrong story to pick. First of all, their big idea project seems slightly like a cop-out, because the cats found with no home go to shelters and stuff, that's already set in place. Also, the essay focused far too much on a Netflix shows, which the reader can't relate to (Most Likely) Another thing about the show, is it makes the person look like they aren't passionate about anything. They had one story to tell to demonstrate who they are and what they care about, and they spent half of it talking about a show? I could watch all the Pirates of the Caribbean without stopping any day, but I would of course write a college essay about my passion for my faith or for making outreach videos, or something I truly care about.

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This essay, unlike 1 and 2, picked a good topic to write about. This struggle humanizes the applicant, and shows their perseverance through trials. I do believe that this person learned a lot from this, and there are very wise things embedded in this poorly written essay. The writer didn't flow, didn't tell a story, left out transitions, made a spelling error, and in the end this can turn a great emotional essay into an attempt at being accepted out of pity.

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I have learned from essays 1, 2, 3, and now 5, that we need to double check our college essays!  This one doesn't have any terrible spelling errors, but does have run on sentences and leaves out essential adverbs that ruin the grammatical flow of the piece! Outside of that, this was a great topic for an essay, and the story was told decently well. It feels a little rushed but not as bad as the other one.

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The essay indicates that the student is not only a musician but also a dedicated student, a scientist with an analytical brain. A mix of creative and logical is what the student is trying to portray to the college admissions officer. However, this would already have been seen in the other information that the student would have provided to the college. So the student is also making efforts to indicate the unique perspective that they have concerning the world, displaying that beauty in the world is something that they can see where few others are able to. This unique ability would be used by the applicant as a way to seperate themselves from others. Furthermore, the essay gives insight into the applicant's pattern of thought, something that would be important for an admissions officer to know but wouldn't be obvious without the essay.

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The essay starts off very well, despite the lackluster title. The story is one carefully detailed by the author, allowing for the admissions officer to get an insight into the character of the student. The essay relates a story from the childhood meant to build up the character of the student. Being forced into a role of leadership at an early age is not an experience that many have, which would make the student stand out among other applicants. Beyond that, detailing such a rough childhood would create a sense of trust and openness. The student is conveying information really close to them, indicating that they truly did grow from the experiences and are confident enough in themselves to relate the story to others.

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The essay dictates the unique personality of the applicant as the uncommon mixture of genetics and surroundings. The author is quite adamant in her difficulty in growing up and seeing the relationships between other parents and their children. She indicated that she felt left out because she was no different from the parents who adopted her. This confusion in her childhood resulted in her being the person she is today, the author claims. This story would provide an insight into her character as being one of determination and confidence. However, the essay is lacking in the title and description of what aspects of herself that she is so proud of. She has self-confidence, but beyond that the essay is not specific in who she is as a person.

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Despite what the title of the essay indicates, the essay does not recount the character development of the applicant at all. It admits that she emphasizes with others and thrives in an English classroom, but beyond that it does little in terms of describing the applicant. While she is able to indicate that she is widespread in literature, it doesn't give anything to the reader on her character, which is what the essay is meant to do. In this way, I would likely not choose this applicant over others. She was skittish around doing what the essay was meant to do, whether on purpose or not.

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After reading the following essay it had many strengths that are very evident. For example, the writer was able to point out their flaws without hate or grudge. They accepted it for what it was and despite being upset were able to be confident in what they achieved. One thing I didn't like was the mentioning of the show. The explanation was too long and it was hard to connect with the show if some of us haven't seen it!

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Through this essay I found it very emotional and moving towards the end of the story because of the troubling situation. But I had a hard time changing focus from mac n cheese to a deep serious topic. I understand where it was trying to connect but didn't necessarily like the transition and got a little confused. The transition between the bad situation and the outcome the author prophesized with showing good habits out of their own parents mistakes was moving.

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I personally really enjoyed this essay and appreciated the author attending to the prompt with near perfection. From details of liking certain foods as well as styles of clothing that connect to her ethnicity and staying true to that. Rather then fully taking on the ideals of her adoption parents is moving. These small details open up the bigger topic of being true to your roots. Obviously she is grateful for her new parents. But thought that the ethnics she was born with was important in making her the person she is. But one thing I didn't like was how it ended. It felt abrupt and didn't go to an even bigger thesis despite the build up!

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Throughout this essay I was very confused on who the characters were or what was going on. Maybe it made a ton of sense for the writer but there was too many connections to follow. The point didn't come till 3 paragraphs into the essay and I was very confused with the different literary references such as Othello. I wished the author would've made more self connections and explained the main topic more in depth.

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I thought that this student did a really good job of using their essay to show the readers a few things that they are passionate about that wouldn't show up in other aspects of their application, like jazz and physics. They were also able to connect both of these passions into a shared message, which was very creative. I think the conclusion of the essay is really where this connection was solidified, and then they ended their piece with a great rhetorical question. Overall, this essay was very creative and checked off most of the criteria outlined on the rubric.

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Although I really liked the message of the essay and think that it had a lot of potential, the line of reasoning in this essay is just not consistent from beginning to end. They decided to use mac-and-cheese to show their personal growth, which was a very creative idea, but then they dropped that metaphor about halfway through the essay when they began to talk about their childhood struggles. If they had taken more time to connect these two ideas, then this essay could have been very powerful, but unfortunately, it just fell short for me.

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This essay was very emotional and personal, but there were a few aspects that could have been improved. Throughout most of the essay, the author decided to describe other people around him rather than himself, except for in the conclusion. I think that it would have made more sense for them to formulate a message regarding their understanding of others rather than their understanding of themselves because of this. In addition, the conclusion just didn't make sense to me since they spent their entire essay discussing the special needs athletes, and then ended it by saying the experience taught them "how athletic I am". I think if the conclusion was improved with a different message, then this essay would have been great.

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I thought this essay was very strong. The beginning paragraph was a great way to hook the reader and to introduce the author's background in a creative way. She didn't just outright state, "I'm adopted", but instead described her experiences with being different from her parents. This essay also showcased the author's independence, which could be exactly what admissions officers are looking for. Overall, this essay was very creative, powerful, and enjoyable to read.

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This essay was very interesting to read. At the beginning I honestly thought that the author was telling the story of herself. It was only when she started to describe Othello I realized that she was just trying to cite stories. It was an interesting tactic to take, but I feel like I didn't get to know the author. It's only at the end we see that they were trying to say that English has been a big part of her character development because it has allowed her to view others through reading.

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I thought that this essay told a great story. It was a lot of details for the essay but they helped move the story forward. One thing that bothers me with a couple of these college essays is the main point comes in the last sentence of the essay. I just wish they would expand on the idea instead of rushing it in order to tell the rest of the story.

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This was by far my favorite essay and it was really well written. I loved how she opened the piece and didn't explicitly say that she was adopted until you had a sense of it. I like how she took multiple paragraphs to talk about how being adopted has changed he identity. It was a really good balance between backstory, and what the essay was actually about.

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I liked this essay a lot as well. I thought it did a good job of balancing the story as well as answering the question. I liked the initial backstory because it gave the audience a chance to see how the author had already grown from his cousin's passing and then had the chance to grow even more through Unified. I think it was a really well written essay that had a lot of emotion and character.