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Log into Facebook to start sharing and connecting with your friends, family, and people you know.

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Youtube video

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Social Networks Impact Upon Trans Health

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The Power & Science of Social Connection

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Social Support Networks and Health Behaviors Among Latinos

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Social Support Network for Adult Students

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Social Support & Wellness | Chandra Story

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4 3 Poly MOOC 2014 Social support and health

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In literature and fairy-tale, love comes in threes: the protagonist, the love interest, and the antagonist. For centuries, these stories have kept the hopes of many a young child that love will always win.

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NRE (Or, “What I’m In”) | The Rhetoric and Composition of Polyamory

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NRE (Or, “What I’m In”) | The Rhetoric and Composition of Polyamory

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The Rhetoric and Composition of Polyamory

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The term New Relationship Energy (or, NRE for short) was coined in the mid 1980's by Zhahai Stewart, a poly/pagan writer. NRE can be invaluable for helping people understand the birth of both poly, monogamous, or other forms of relationships. NRE is essentially the why behind why people get together.

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I'm back! Few thoughts on polyamory. - Pencourage

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I'm back! Few thoughts on polyamory. - Pencourage

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I'm back! Few thoughts on polyamory. - Pencourage

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Dating Advice For The Sickly | Zombie Chicken Juice

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Dating Advice For The Sickly | Zombie Chicken Juice

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I first met Zak Smith and Mandy Morbid back in 2007 while shooting a porno in the Mojave Desert. Zak "Sabbath"-his stage name-performed the role of a transient squatter, and I played a trailer-park housewife who dreamed of making it big in Hollywood. Mandy accompanied Zak on set, and we quickly became friends, darting around the property in a beat-up golf cart and taking photos of whatever caught our eye.

In the years since, Zak, Mandy, and I have worked together on a lot of strange projects. They've always inspired me artistically and sexually, and I've really come to admire their dedication to each other. Last year, Mandy was diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, a genetic disorder that causes loose joints, damage to blood vessels, and skin that stretches and bruises easily. Her diagnosis was a relief in some ways. For years, doctors had no idea what was causing her debilitating pain, and her health deteriorated until she was often unable to get out of bed, let alone work. Some days are better than others, but if Mandy leaves the house she must do so in a wheelchair or with a cane.

Through all of Mandy's hardships, Zak has never left her side. And she is always there, inspiring his art. Their love is honest, real, and somehow exists gracefully in their world of disease, art, and pornography. You don't normally bombard people you see almost every day with deeply personal questions, but Zak and Mandy have always made me curious. So when I asked whether I could document their relationship and they agreed, I knew it was also my opportunity to ask them everything I've ever wanted to know and then some.

VICE: You two grew up in very different environments. How did you first meet?
Zak Smith: I'm from DC. I went to art school at Cooper Union, held a bunch of shitty jobs, and worked at an abortion clinic before I got a big loan and went to graduate school at Yale. I earned my MFA and started showing my paintings. Then Benny Profane, an adult-film director, got in touch with me and said it would mean a lot to him if he could use the [unofficial and unauthorized] illustrations I made for Thomas Pynchon's book Gravity's Rainbow in his autobiographical porno movie. I was like, "It would mean a lot to me if I could fuck all the girls in your movie." So he asked me to send him pictures of myself, and that's how I started performing in porno movies. Then I made a series of paintings of girls in the sex industry, and Mandy at that time was a nude model. She contacted me and said I should paint her.

How romantic.
Mandy: Or insane.

But you haven't been with many men, right?
Mandy: No, I'm extremely picky. I've only been with five men my whole life, and I'm 28. I was 21 when I met Zak, and I haven't been with another man since.

Zak, what did you think when you first met Mandy?
Zak: She's hot.

Speaking of your arm, what are all of these tattoos you have? Is that the logo for the band Eyehategod?
Zak: Yeah, and I have Mandy's preexisting medical conditions tattooed on my right forearm. I think there are around 12 of them. They're for when we have to talk to EMTs or if we have to fill out medical paperwork. You would have them, too. They're hard to keep track of, and I've got a lot on my mind.

You told me a story once about the first day she was in New York, the day you realized she wasn't like all the other girls.
Zak: Right. I went to pick her up from the station, and as soon as I saw her, the shuttle bus was pulling away. I told her we needed to run to catch it, and she said she couldn't run. I thought, Wow... You can't run. OK, what are other things you probably can't do? 1) Hop trains. 2) Run from cops. 3) Skateboard... There are several lifestyle issues that could come up.
Mandy: That first weekend he came to Canada I told him I had health issues, and we talked about it. When I finally went to New York he realized the seriousness of my afflictions.

Did you two discuss Zak being in Benny Profane's porn movie?
Mandy: That was right before we met. I knew he had been in that porn.

How did you feel about that?
Mandy: I was like, "This is perfect. This is exactly what I need." It was a selling point.

When did you guys make the big move out to LA?

Mandy: In the summer of 2007.

So would you consider yourselves polyamorous?
Mandy: Yes.

What are the rules of your poly relationship?
Zak: Fuck if I know.
Mandy: Bringing another girl into the equation in real life depends on how healthy I feel and how much effort it's going to be. And we have to both be attracted to the person, because that's not always the case.

So you want a hot dude and a hot girl?
Mandy: Yeah! Also, emotionally and socially there is a different kind of intimacy that you share with another woman, and I like both.

Zak, what are your thoughts about having two ladies in the house?
Zak: Who's going to complain about that?

There will be a lot of complaining, I'm sure...
Zak: [ laughing] The number of problems you could have during a threesome approaches infinity, but the rewards... Let's say one girl accidentally chopped off one of my legs and the other one knocked all my teeth out-in the end I still have a two-girl blowjob, which is more good than anything could ever be bad.

Can you handle two women emotionally?
Zak: I don't think handling things is an issue; I can handle everything or nothing.

Why do you guys enjoy playing D&D so much? Is it an escape from the world you live in?
Mandy: Well, I read a lot as a kid, and still do. D&D is like an extension of that, as are video games, but I wouldn't call it an escape. There are interesting things for me to think about-there are puzzles and problem-solving. My brain wants to do stuff; it's very active. So I do like playing, but it definitely is a distraction from the pain.

Zak seems to literally work all day, every day. Is he a workaholic?
Mandy: I think he has a lot of stuff in his head that needs to be manifested in a physical format.

Would you consider your work and painting style to be obsessive?
Zak: I'm like anybody else who might like the art I make-it has to be detailed and intricate or it's not fun for me to look at, so I have to put in the hours.

A lot of artists I know love to paint but hate sitting down all day. You've had other jobs-how's this gig?
Zak: It's a good gig if you can get it. It's my second-favorite thing.

What's your favorite thing?
Mandy: [ laughing] Sex!

Mandy, you were recently diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. Can we talk about that?
Mandy: I've had it my whole life, but when we moved to LA I did some porn, modeled, traveled... I was able to do it all. Since the condition is progressive, nowadays all of that is way harder. Now it's like, how do we adapt to this constant sickness? I need leg braces, arm braces, and a wheelchair. How can you still maintain your life when your body doesn't want you to have this lifestyle?

How do you?
Mandy: I talk about it a lot so people know where I'm at. That's really important-to let people know I'm in pain. "I'm tired, this is what's wrong with me, this is why I'm coughing, this is why I'm in a wheelchair." If I talk about it, people get it, and that makes everything so much easier, but we're still adapting.

Does Zak work hard to help you?
Mandy: He has from the very beginning. One of the things that happens to sick people is that they start to worry about when it's going to be too much for the people around them. I've learned to trust that it's not going to be too much for Zak. He helps me out a lot with little things: If I'm too sick to take my dog out then he'll do it. He'll pick up my medication, make me cups of tea, push my wheelchair, or load the heavy motorized one into cabs or friends' cars. He takes time out from what he's doing to help me with these things. He's very dedicated. When I went to Canada to try to get diagnosed, he spent months with me in a city he didn't want to be in.

What do you guys want in life?
Zak: I'm a guy. I don't want to be anything, I want things.
Mandy: I learned at a very young age that I wanted as much mental, emotional, and physical stimulation as I could possibly get before I died. By the beginning of my adolescence, I had already survived near-death experiences due to my health, and I realized that the only real thing is death. There is nothing after that.

So what does the future hold for Zak and Mandy?
Mandy: Well, it could go one of two ways...
Zak: She dies or I die.

Zak's next show will be in May at the Fredericks and Freiser gallery in NYC.

Want more Kimberly Kane? Check these out:

Skinema - Kimberly Kane

This Porn Star Doesn't Think Much of the LA Condom Law

Kimberly Kane's Been Blackmaled

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Last year, porn star Mandy Morbid was diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. But through all of Mandy's hardships, Zak Smith has never left her side. I talked with the couple about their love and how it exists so gracefully in a world of porn, art, and...

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Polyamory in the 21st Century: Love and Intimacy with Multiple Partners - Deborah Anapol - Google Bøker

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Polyamory in the 21st Century: Love and Intimacy with Multiple Partners - Deborah Anapol - Google Bøker

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Unlike other books on this topic, Polyamory in the 21st Century weaves together research and facts to provide an informed and impartial analysis of polyamory as a lifestyle and as a movement, and to place it in a psychosocial as well as an historical context.

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Why Facebook should embrace polyamory - The Week

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Why Facebook should embrace polyamory - The Week

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Facebook raised eyebrows earlier this year by unveiling 49 new gender options for users. Hopefully that's just the start of the ubiquitous social network's social boundary-pushing ways.

The next frontier? Unconventional relationship options. Instead of multiple options for relationships with just one other user, Facebook should allow users to be in relationships with multiple users. There's even a Change.org petition demanding as much - though it's only won a couple hundred signatures so far.

"We appreciate and thank Facebook for their recent change in allowing all people to put their own gender identities," reads the petition. "We ask that they have the same respect for people of all relationship types. They deserve the basic right to be honest about who they care about. Please sign this petition to allow those in open relationships to name their partners truthfully as everybody else does."

Now let's face it: Facebook is unlikely to make this change anytime soon. But it should.

American social mores are changing. Support for gay marriage is rocketing upwards. Also increasing is our acceptance of trans-identified individuals.

But society's approval of multi-partner relationships is still low. Polling done by Gallup last year revealed that while 59 percent of Americans considered homosexual relations morally acceptable, just 14 percent approved of polygamy. (It should be noted that polyamory differs from polygamy in that it allows for multiple male partners as well as female, and so is generally considered more egalitarian.)

A large degree of stigma around any non-monogamous relationship persists. For the vast majority or Americans, there are two options: monogamy, or cheating.

But many people are living out a third option, such as polyamorous writer Lauren Rumpler: ethical non-monogamy. "People assume that to be faithful, you have to be monogamous," Rumpler explained in a recent interview with me. "To be faithful, you have to be honest. Faithfulness is measured in degree based on the couple. The faithfulness is not to the individual. It's to the contract that you've made to that individual." The idea is that as long as you're open and honest with your partners, and they're comfortable with the terms of the arrangement, you are faithful, no matter how many people you sleep with.

And that's where the "ethical" portion of ethical non-monogamy comes in, referring to adherence to clearly laid out rules around the extra-relationship relationships. So instead of promising yourself to your partner, you're promising to obey the rules you've decided on with your partner.

Polyamory, a subset of ethical non-monogamy, refers to multiple concurrent sexual relationships, and is generally differentiated from open relationships by long-term, emotionally involved, and/or committed "secondary" relationships. Some poly relationships involve hierarchy, with primary, secondary, (and so on) relationships. And some are non-hierarchical, with no partner being more important than the other. In some poly relationships, "metamours," as partners of partners call each other, have romantic relationships. In others, partners either don't know about each other (Don't Ask; Don't Tell) or remain friendly but not romantically involved.

The site Polyamory in the News documents the growing coverage this "alternative lifestyle" has received in recent years. There's even a reality show about poly couples, called, appropriately, Polyamory: Married and Dating.

The main arguments against polyamory center around whether multi-partner relationships are good for children. "Marriage is the institution that provides social stability because it attempts to ensure, insofar as possible, that the mother and father who create a new life commit to caring for that child until adulthood," writes conservative author Mona Charen. "No other adult arrangement has ever been shown to benefit children as much."

There aren't many studies available regarding the impact of non-monogamy on children. Two studies by Elisabeth Sheff indicate some benefits: the children had more individualized time with adults, they "could spend less time in daycare because of the flexibility of having multiple parental figures involved in their lives," and "the greater diversity of interests available from adult figures helped children foster a wider variety of hobbies and skills."

However the studies also revealed some drawbacks, particularly "the discomfort of having partnerships between adults dissolve and the resulting emotional trauma for children who may have been very attached to a departing partner." But the research is also clear that family stability is more important for healthy child development than family makeup.

Conservative columnist Jonathan Rauch makes an interesting case against polyamory when he points out that multiple wives are far more common than multiple husbands, and that this kind of plural marriage is likely to result in a surplus of single men, which is bad for society. However, it's probably no coincidence that while this particular kind of plural relationship thrived throughout history, women were also terrifically oppressed, and wealth disparities meant that survival was more likely as the third wife of a rich man than the only wife of a dirt-poor one.

In the end, the main benefit of ethical non-monogamy is that it helps people who feel unsuited to monogamy enjoy their relationships. It also accepts that no one person is capable of meeting all of your needs. Acceptance of and education around ethical non-monogamy is important because too many people end up in monogamous relationships not because they enjoy monogamy, but because it's the default position, and they never consider other options.

This is where Facebook comes in. Of course, Facebook doesn't exactly grant rights or set policy. But can you imagine how many more people would consider and accept polyamory as a viable and ethical life choice if Facebook gave polyamory its imprimatur?

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Facebook raised eyebrows earlier this year by unveiling 49 new gender options for users. Hopefully that's just the start of the ubiquitous social network's social boundary-pushing ways. The next frontier? Unconventional relationship options. Instead of multiple options for relationships with just one other user, Facebook should allow users to be in relationships with multiple users.

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Support System | The Polyamorous Misanthrope

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Support System | The Polyamorous Misanthrope

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A problem I've noticed in my own life, as well as lives of many other poly people is a lack of social support.

I don't mean that your mother doesn't like and understand that you're poly, though that is something of a symptom.

What I mean is that the social context where people often expect sympathy and support if often lacking in the wider community.

Let's go with the most common one - divorce. It is not unusual for someone who is poly, especially one living in a multi-adult situation, not to get a lot of support or understanding if one of the partners moves out. Hey, you've got other partners, still, right?

Even if it's not as extreme as a divorce, but is "merely" a breakup, you may not get the understanding that a monogamous person might.

There are a dozen little things you start running in to. If you find you are getting depressed and need help, you have to gather your thoughts together well enough to educate mental health workers about polyamory before you can get appropriate treatment ¹. It's very hard to listen to a counselor's input, because sometimes a counselor might be confronting you with things you don't want to face, and it's really easy to blow that off as "poly prejudice", especially if you have the slightest pig-headedness to your nature.

What kind of things help?

"Being out" - You can't be supportive of what you don't know about. My co-workers knew I lived in a group marriage. When I was saving boxes to help an ex move, my co-workers treated it with the same sympathy as they would any co-worker going through a more "standard" divorce. If they hadn't known, they would have been confronted with this nut who would tear up when she picked up a box without having the slightest idea why. And in the throes of a divorce is hardly the time to whip a little "poly education" on anyone! More importantly, because we were out, we were able to have open lines of comunication with the children's teachers, asking them to please keep us informed of behavioral issues, etc. It was a big help! Because the people knew us and had a context on which to hang the whole idea, they got what was going on pretty well.

Having a social circle that is not connected only with your partners - Avoid the "group hug" thing too much if you're in a poly group situation. Yes, your family and that closeness is important, but you want to have a context in which you're just you, not part of the Petting Zoo, or OLQ, or Our Little Tribe, or Kerista, or the Oneida Community. Your family context is important, but have an identity outside of that. If you knit and no-one else in the family does, for goodness sake, make it to your stitch-n-bitch regularly! Have an outside project, interest or activity where you hang out with people that aren't necessarily poly.

I'm not necessarily saying to do this in case someone dies or divorces you, though. People need a wide range of contacts, family, friends and wider social networks ². A social support network is as important for our needs to give as our needs to get.

I recall encountering someone commenting on being polyamorous on Usenet many years ago, saying, "I don't have a lifestyle, I have a life!" I liked that, because I think it is all too easy for we poly to get tied up in our polyness, and especially our families if we live in multi-adult households, and lose touch with the outside world.

So, yes, have a life! It's good for you, good for reality checks, and actually ain't so bad to show that we polys are "real people" too!

¹Try that in the throes of a mental health crisis sometime. It's even less fun than it sounds like!
² Yes, even we introverts need that. You're still a monkey, even if you're a weirdly-wired one.

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A problem I've noticed in my own life, as well as lives of many other poly people is a lack of social support. I don't mean that your mother doesn't like and understand that you're poly, though that is something of a symptom.

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Here's an experiment: Try sending out a message to all of your friends that goes like this: We are finally set to move this Saturday! Please come and help us - we need all the help we can get. Now, watch all your friends scatter like mice.

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To Support, Defend and Promote the Social Institution of Polyamory. 2.To Educate NonPolyamorists about Polyamory. 3.To Be an Information Clearinghouse And Repository of Historical Polyamory Archives on Polyamory. 4.To Enhance, Assist, Support and Cooperate with Other Polyamory Groups and Organizations in Goods and Services They Provide to the Polyamory Community.

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Polyamory and Health - Open Minded Health

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Polyamory and Health - Open Minded Health

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Monogamy is the practice of having only one sexual, romantic, or intimate partner in one's life. Non-monogamy, is any practice where more than two people are sexual, romantic, or intimate with each other. Though non-monogamy is an ancient practice which continues to be traditional in many societies and cultures worldwide, in the West it's a minority behavior. Since the 1970s a particular form of non-monogamy has been emerging: polyamory (lit: "many loves"). Polyamory ("Poly") is the practice of more than two people involved in a loving, emotionally intimate relationship where sex may or may not be involved.

Outside of that basic definition, polyamory varies widely. Polyamory can involve any number of people in any configuration. Everybody does not have to be involved with everybody else. For example, three people in a polyamorous relationship could be in a V style (i.e., persons A and B are involved, and B and C are involved, but A is not involved with C) or in a triangle relationship (i.e., persons A and B, B and C, and A and C are all in relationships). Polyamory relationships can be "open", where new partners and relationships are welcomed, or "closed" where they are not. New relationships may be restricted to being only sexual, or not at all sexual. And polyamory relationships may be deemed more or less serious through tags like "primary" and "secondary" relationships.

But how does all this relate to health? Well, it sorta does and it sorta doesn't.

The factor that likely pops into most minds first is sexually transmitted diseases/infections. How many times have we all been counseled to be monogamous to reduce our risk? I see that message everywhere. But it's an incomplete message. Research is scarce on poly health, but I'm of the believe that a closed poly relationship is no more risky than a monogamous relationship. Whether a poly relationship is open or closed, safer sex techniques (including the use of barriers and regular STI testing) reduce the risk of STI spread.

More insidious are effects on mental health... but not because of polyamory alone. Polyamory itself, while taking more emotional energy than monogamy, can be incredibly fulfilling and provide abundant psychosocial support. Being poly in a non-accepting environment, however, can be very stressful. And we all know what happens when there's additional stress. High levels of psychosocial stress are associated with: a) higher levels of depression, anxiety, self-medication via substance use, obesity, eating disorders, non-suicidal self injury, PTSD, and b) lower levels of exercise and healthy eating.

Adding an extra wrinkle: it can be very difficulty for poly-identified people to get mental health support. Finding a poly-friendly therapist (especially one covered by insurance) can be an exercise in frustration. Many mental health care professionals simply don't understand. Others are downright discriminatory. As one poly person expressed: "I've had a mental health 'professional' refuse to even try to understand the poly nature of our family and insist that I needed to get out of the relationship before he would 'treat' me." ( Source)

So what's a poly person to do? Take care of yourself. If you're in an open relationship, be familiar with the various STDs and how they are spread, and practice good safe sex. Do what you can to take care of your mental health - exercise, eat well, get some stress relief in there too. Consider getting in touch with a local poly organization or sex-positive group. They can be invaluable for social support and finding resources when you need them.

And as always... Stay healthy, stay safe, and have fun!

Related Posts:

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Monogamy is the practice of having only one sexual, romantic, or intimate partner in one's life. Non-monogamy, is any practice where more than two people are sexual, romantic, or intimate with each other. Though non-monogamy is an ancient practice which continues to be traditional in many societies and cultures worldwide, in the West it's a minority behavior.

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Polyamory May Be Good for You | Love & Relationships

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Polyamory May Be Good for You | Love & Relationships

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Researchers are becoming increasingly interested in studying polyamory, in which people make commitments to multiple romantic partners at once, with the full consent of everyone involved.

Credit: William Perugini, Shutterstock

On Valentine's Day, images of couples are everywhere. They're buying each other diamond rings, making eyes over expensive restaurant meals and canoodling over chocolate-covered strawberries and champagne. But two-by-two isn't the only way to go through life. In fact, an estimated 4 to 5 percent of Americans are looking outside their relationship for love and sex - with their partner's full permission.

These consensually nonmonogamous relationships, as they're called, don't conform to the cultural norm of a handholding couple in love for life. They come in a dizzying array of forms, from occasional "swinging" and open relationships to long-term commitments among multiple people. Now, social scientists embarking on brand-new research into these types of relationships are finding that they may challenge the ways we think of jealousy, commitment and love. They may even change monogamy for the better.

"People in these relationships really communicate. They communicate to death," said Bjarne Holmes, a psychologist at Champlain College in Vermont. All of that negotiation may hold a lesson for the monogamously inclined, Holmes told LiveScience.

"They are potentially doing quite a lot of things that could turn out to be things that if people who are practicing monogamy did more of, their relationships would actually be better off," Holmes said. [ 6 Scientific Tips for a Successful Marriage]

Examining nonmonogamy

The study of consensual nonmonogamy is a relatively new field. In the 1970s, partner-swapping and swinging (recreational sex outside of a relationship) came into the public eye, and psychologists conducted a few studies. But that research was limited to mostly white, heterosexual couples who engaged in swinging for fun, according to Elisabeth Sheff, a legal consultant and former Georgia State University professor, writing in 2011 in the Journal of Contemporary Ethnography.

That means little is yet known about who participates in consensual nonmonogamy and why. Research is largely limited to self-report and surveys, in which people can be tempted to present themselves in a positive light. There are, however, some key definitions to understand. Consensual nonmonogamy contains multitudes. It includes sex-only arrangements, such as two committed partners agreeing that they're allowed to seek no-strings-attached sex with other people. It also includes polyamory, which involves multiple committed relationships at once with the consent and knowledge of everyone involved.

Consensual nonmonogamy does not include cheating, in which one partner steps out without the permission of the other.

While there are no national statistics on consensual nonmonogamy, University of Michigan psychologist Terri Conley has estimated that about 5 percent of Americans are in one of these types of relationships at any given time. From the little data collected, scientists know lesbian, gay and bisexual individuals are slightly more likely than heterosexuals to enter nonmonogamous relationships, said Amy Moors, a graduate student in Conley's lab. So, it seems, are people high in the personality trait of openness, which indicates high interest in new experiences.

So far, studies suggest that polyamorous individuals are well-educated, holding more master's and doctoral degrees than the general population, said Champlain's Holmes, who is conducting ongoing research of an online sample of more than 5,000 polyamorous individuals. Despite their smarts, they're not particularly wealthy. [ 5 Myths About Polyamory]

"That tells me that it's probably people who are often more focused on experiences in life," than money, Holmes said.

Jealousy & love

One thing that seems to unite the polyamorous community is a real enthusiasm for digging into emotions. Honesty, openness and communication are cornerstones for polyamorous relationships, Holmes has found.

"They're talking a lot, they're negotiating a lot, they're bringing their feelings to the table a lot," he said.

It's this intensive conversation that might be wise for monogamous couples to emulate, Holmes said. His work also suggests that basic emotions work very differently in polyamorous relationships.

Take jealousy. If you ask most people how they'd feel if their partner had sex with or fell in love with someone else, the responses would be pretty negative: fear, anger, jealousy, rejection. Ask a polyamorous person the same question, and they're more likely to tell you they'd be thrilled. It's a concept called "compersion," which means the joy felt when a partner discovers love outside of you. It's similar to the feeling the typical person might get after finding out their best friend scored her dream job, Holmes said. But in this case, the happiness stems from a lover's external relationships.

That finding challenges much of what traditional psychological research has established about how jealousy works.

"It turns out that, hey, people are not reacting with jealousy when their partner is flirting with someone else," Holmes said. "Good science tests theories and predictions ... you need to see if it holds up even in extreme situations."

In another example of polyamorous people potentially turning typical psychological reactions upside-down, Holmes conducted a preliminary analysis of about 200 polyamorous people, asking them about feelings of jealousy. Typically, he said, you'd expect to see that women are more anxious about emotional infidelity, while men worry more about sexual infidelity. That wasn't the case among the polyamorous individuals. In fact, there were no gender differences in rates of sexual and emotional jealousy to be found.

None of this suggests that polyamorous people are somehow immune to jealousy, Holmes said. But when jealously does occur, it's discussed. The person feeling jealous is encouraged to examine their own psyche to find out what's bothering them and which of their needs aren't being met. Then the pair (or triad, or quad) can negotiate boundaries.

Safe sex

Holmes is careful to say he's not advocating any particular relationship structure. But in some cases, consensual nonmonogamy may be a more responsible choice - at least if monogamy is proving too tough.

The University of Michigan's Moors has found that people who cheat on their partners sexually are less likely to engage in safe sex while doing so than are people in consensual nonmonogamous relationships. The findings, published in March 2012 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, apply to condom use, use of gloves for genital touching, discussion of sexually transmitted disease and sexual history and sterilization of sex toys. [ 50 Sultry Facts About Sex]

"Individuals in consensually nonmonogamous relationships were just safer across the board," Moors told LiveScience. A second study, to be published in a forthcoming issue of the Journal of Sexual Health, found that individuals who had permission to "cheat" were more likely to use condoms correctly than actual cheaters.

Part of the reason for the difference may be that consensually nonmonogamous people often explicitly stipulate that outside sex is okay, as long as it is safe. Cheaters were also more likely than consensually nonmonogamous people to be drunk or on drugs during their outside encounters. Finally, skipping safe sex may be a way for cheaters to rationalize their behavior, Moors said.

"If they had gone out and gotten protection then it might have seemed more planned," she said. "It might have been like, 'Maybe I shouldn't be cheating on my partner if I have to walk to CVS to pick up condoms.'"

There are many open questions left about polyamory and other nonmonogamous arrangements, but research is picking up, Holmes said. This weekend, the first International Academic Polyamory Conference is being held in Berkeley, Calif. The Internet has likely boosted interest in polyamory, said Sheff, who is working on a book about polyamorous families.

"The Internet has revolutionized things for sexual minorities in general," Sheff told LiveScience. "It offers people a way to find out about it, and it offers people a way to find partners."

Polyamory is complex enough and time-consuming enough that it will likely never overshadow serial monogamy, Sheff said. Nonexclusive hook-up culture has young people negotiating consensual nonmonogamy like never before, she said, and people are increasingly thinking of relationships as build-it-yourself rather than prepackaged.

"I think polyamory will co-exist as a less popular option" than monogamy, Sheff said. "Or people will phase in and out of it at different times in their lives."

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New Sexual Revolution: Polyamory May Be Good for You

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On Valentine's Day, images of couples are everywhere. They're buying each other diamond rings, making eyes over expensive restaurant meals and canoodling over chocolate-covered strawberries and champagne. But two-by-two isn't the only way to go through life. In fact, an estimated 4 to 5 percent of Americans are looking outside their relationship for love and sex - with their partner's full permission.

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(3) Polyamory & monogamy as strategic identities. | Margaret Robinson - Academia.edu

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(3) Polyamory & monogamy as strategic identities. | Margaret Robinson - Academia.edu

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Polyamory & monogamy as strategic identities.

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Increasingly, challengers to antipolygamy legislation have framed polyamory as a sexual orientation, arguing that some people are immutably predisposed toward forming multiple relationships. Drawing on a qualitative study of 40 bisexual women in