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Your story is amazing it has so much description on how you felt when you went to your beach house. your piece was very clear on what you went through when you visited your wrecked beach house. another thing that I loved about your piece was the figurative language is was very clear on what you wanted to say. One thing that I wish you would've done was was why that spot made you so emotional. what happened there. did you go to that spot when you needed to calm down? anyway, your story was amazing! Good job!

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Your story is totally vivid! I can relate to your story so much! The way you tried to explain how you felt, your inner thoughts, and the balanced figurative language was really well written. Your piece was really clear all throughout! I could understand certain things that might not be said correctly. Your title is also very catchy! When I first glanced at the name of your piece I thought that your story would be quite interesting, but I was wrong, it was amazing once I started reading it! I wanted to read more once I got to the end. Overall, your snapshot was really good. I would say you would need to work on the end a little bit more. When I read the theme statement in the end, I personally thought it was really clear and understandable, but for someone who has a slightly different taste (pickiness, boredom, etc) I would put more into that part. I could tell you put lots of work into the whole piece, but next time take a closer look in the end and think the way how someone that wants a little more would think! Nice job!

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First off the description is amazing, the way you used each simile for example when you said “my aunts and uncles were talking privately like a bunch of spies setting up a mission”. It really explains what was happening to you in the moment is incredible.  Also I love how you said “screen glass that was now foggy from the winds picking up sand and throwing it like a baseball pitcher throws it to the batter.”  It really puts a picture in your mind of what you were seeing with your eyes.n I do wish that you would explain how in the past this was yours but do you go there every year.  Was it abandoned?  Was it destroyed in Sandy?  Also what is the message?

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Bella your piece was amazing! It was filled to the brim with sensory details, and

Your descriptive language made the piece way more interesting and it really felt like I was there. One wish is that you could add a little more inner thought to your story since it's so filled with detail and if you added more inner thoughts then it would become even more interesting.

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I love this story one thing I loved most about it was how descriptive it was and the word choice was amazing for example when you said “My eyes gazed out onto the once peaceful tide that was now looking like it was all of a sudden alive. I look down at the concrete, squared patio to see the deck furniture broken like a faded promise and the vision of chairs and tables falling down like dominos is all I can see for a split second.” I think that was amazing because it is very descriptive and your figurative language is extremely fantastic. Another thing I loved was how you really drew me into the story I could clearly picture it because there was phenomenal detail one of my favorite parts where you exampled this was when you said “The neon orange water gun was a heavy red brick, weighing me down as I tried my best to catch up to my older cousin. As we tried to hide from the boys, we filled up our many “weapons” with water so that we could win the fight. I felt the ice cold water slap my back and a little giggle followed right after. Footsteps were heard and then they disappeared. Everything was foggy. My vision, my mind, my whole entire body was filled with haziness.” One thing I wish you could do is try to introduce what happened like you can say “I stared at my home which was now demolished” or something like that it is good to use show not tell but sometimes the reader needs to know. Overall, your story was amazing and I did not want to stop reading it great job.

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That was an amazing snapshot. I almost cried! The way you were connecting with the reader was very powerful. One wish I could give you is the figurative language you were using. Every time I read a figurative sentence, I felt I was in the moment. Another star I can give you is that I really enjoyed the descriptive word choice you used. It was so efficient and powerful, too. One wish I could give you is to include what you wanted to do. You could add your feelings and thoughts about this. As well, you could have added some of the childhood memories. Overall, I loved your snapshot! Good job!

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Great job using description and unique evidence. Your realistic prediction of adulthood and not knowing how do dress is so great and fitting for this situation.  One wish it that you put some wordings that I felt were a little weird but overall good.

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One thing I really liked about your story is the fact about how organized it is and how everything isn’t in a giant mess of a paragraph. One other thing I really like about your story is your beginning paragraph because it is so detailed and I love how you described the way students feel when they have to wake up at like 6 am. One wish I have for you is your ending paragraph could be a little more descriptive/ go into depth on how the people can help with the later school time.

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Omg, Bella! Your hook is so much more than just a hook! It made me want more information, but I could also tell you're definitely trying to get your point across! I could totally tell that you put lots of work into this! Your claim statements, conclusion paragraph and your opening paragraph are amazing! I could easily understand what your trying to make a point about by just reading that claim statement. There is no need to highlight all of the transition words unless you want to, but the transition word in the beginning of your touchback you don’t need to highlight.

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One star is I love, loved how you use outstanding vocabulary such as, “Chronic” “Hauled” “Enervated”. Another star is you really educated me about your topic and agree with you 100%. A wish I have for you is that, can you teach me how to write? Your essay was amazing! You did a terrific job

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One star is that I love her word choice in the beginning of her essay. She uses words like “Fatigued”, “Hauled”, and “Enervated”. Another star I have is that she really educated me and persuaded me that we should have a later school start time for multiple reasons.One wish I have is that I wish I had a wish! It’s amazing!

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One Star is that you described your character well and showed their expression throughout the story.  The second star is that your story was well developed and I always knew where the setting was.  One wish is that I wish that you described the part where the purse was stolen a little more I feel that it was all too fast.

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One star is that your description is incredible and I felt like I was in your story. One other star is that I loved how you described what the dinner looked like. One wish is that I think you could describe the characters a little more.