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toxic masculinity vs. regular masculinity 

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toxic masculinity vs. regular masculinity 

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The dictionary defines “toxic masculinity” as “traditional cultural masculine norms that can be harmful to men, women, and society overall.” What I have included in this Padlet, talks mostly about the dangers of toxic masculinity and how it creates a divide between community, reality, and truth. Okonkwo is the prime example of toxic masculinity in Things Fall Apart. He lives his life in fear of becoming feminine or being like his father, he has many wives and children but in the end he died alone. The way his mind was set drove him to his death, unwanted and unhappy.

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However, even in todays society, men don’t want to seem womanly. If you walk down the deodorant aisle of your local target, you’ll notice the different ways brands market to different genders. If you plan to buy some deodorant you likely be bombarded with two different sides of the aisle, one for men and one for women. The mens product aisle is filled with dark colors and strong words. The products are clearly labeled “For Men” and seem to be screaming at you.

While on the other side of the aisle, the women’s products are much more gentle. The colors are soft and the fonts are usually in cursive. The women’s deodorant seems more inviting and sweet, while the mens is aggressive. But this isn’t just for deodorant, it’s everywhere. The next time you walk down your local store, take notice of the different razors, soap, and shaving cream targeted towards men.

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Similar to what I’ve mentioned previously Chapter 21 also talks about Okonkwo’s disappointment with his motherland. He wishes he could return to his fatherland. On page 157, the author writes “He mourned for the clan, which he saw breaking up and falling apart, he mourned for the warlike men of Umuofia, who has so unaccountably become soft like women.”  Throughout the novel Okonkwo compares EVERYTHING that is weak to be like women. Okonkwo has a fear of being seen as feminine. He thinks less of his motherland, his wives and his daughters which makes his family much less than a loving community.

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In this chapter, it contradicts the past ideals of masculinity represented in the novel. Okonkwo travels to his motherland where he meets with Uchendu. Uchendu tells him the importance of his motherland. On page 116, Okonkwo is baffled by the questions he is asked. Uchendu talks about “when there is sorrow and bitterness he finds refuge in his motherland.” And yet the children belong to their fatherland. This idea distances the entire community from their parents since they are born with the idea that their fatherland represents all things good, while their motherland represents everything that is bad.

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https://www.ted.com/talks/justin_baldoni_why_i_m_done_trying_to_be_man_enough/transcript?language=en
This Ted Talk speaks about why the speaker is done being “man enough.” Similar to the end of Things Fall Apart, Okonkwo also is done being man enough. At the end of the novel he kills himself instead of eventually being killed by the white men. He receives the same un honorable burial as his father and this might be the only thing that connects him to his father.

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Men have a difficult time breaking themselves away from the masculinity that has been placed upon them since birth. A recent example of this can be seen in the outfits worn by male celebrities in the Met Gala of 2019. The theme of this years gala was “camp.” Not as in adventuring in the great outdoors, but rather as in over the top and extremely extravagant. Some men followed the theme and embraced their more “feminine side.”
Ezra Miller dressed in sequined black tux and covered in makeup that gave him the illusion of having multiple eyes. The internet adored this look and applauded him for actually going out of his comfort zone and following the theme.
On the other hand another star from this years cinema graced the carpet, all eyes wanted to be on Rami Malek. Since he played Freddie Mercury in Bohemian Rhapsody, everyone expected him to dress accordingly. However, the internet was incredibly disappointed. Malek walked in a sea of extravagant outfits and wore... A plain black tuxedo. The actor was scared to break out of his comfort zone and seeming too feminine when he’s not in character. Even in past Gala’s he’s worn something a little more interesting, like a blue or even red tuxedo. But this years was very underwhelming.

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Okonkwo believes that “worthy men are no more.” This is a very powerful line in the book because it reveals Okonkwo’s true feelings about the changing world around him. He misses the days when men would brutally kill each other on the field of battle. He reminisces on past wars and the victories he has won. He believes that everyone is becoming more feminine around him. This drives him farther away from his motherland and makes them similar to an outsider in his eyes.

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Okonkwo has moved in with this motherland and is disappointed by their lack of aggression. He is upset that they don’t charge into battle whenever a problem arises and he hates that they prefer to sit back and watch the action. On page 139, Okonkwo yells “This is a womanly clan. Such a thing could never happen in his fatherland, Umuofia.” He wants those in his motherland to be more like his fatherland so he will feel more at home. He feels like the people are changing too fast.

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Throughout the entirety of “Things Fall Apart” yams are seen as the masculine root. There is one particular section of the novel where Okonkwo’s father fails to plant his yams successfully. This along with his father being more artistic than a warrior, makes him seem like less of a man. However, Okonkwo successfully plants his yams after a few hiccups along the way. Because of this he is seen as masculine fellow. Whenever yams are presented in the novel, they are connected to the idea of toxic masculinity. Although yams aren’t traditionally associated with masculinity, the author drives this point home repeatedly

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Okonkwo partakes in the killing of Ikemefuna in the woods. Although he doesn’t want to hurt his child, the idea of seeming weak to his friends is even stronger and overrides his judgement.  “Dazed with fear, Okonkwo drew his machete and cut him down. He was afraid of being thought weak.” This quote represents how masculinity is deeply embedded within Umuofia’s culture. People are so scared of being weak that they would rather kill someone they love in order to keep up their reputation. This distances people from unity, if you care so much about your own appearance how can you be close? The fear that they would toss you aside in order to maintain their power would always create a wall between the members of the community.

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The image below depicts different views on masculinity, whether it is restricting or freeing.
Masculinity isn’t a bad thing, but in most cases extreme masculinity can distance someone from reality, truth, and unity within a family or community. The picture shows the neck of a man that has been cracked open to reveal many scattered flowers. The man is drawn with brown and gray pencil which makes him look almost like a statue. Very strong, cold, and distant. However, the contrast of the bright flowers gives the picture a different meaning. Since the flowers are hidden within his head and over his heart it shows a gentleness inside a man that is often never showed. Just like in “Things Fall Apart” Okonkwo does have a more emotional side, but his need to appear powerful keeps it at bay.

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Everything all over the world is constantly changing, including ideas. Here is a link to an article that illustrates how we have viewed masculinity over the years, and what defines masculinity...
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-is-our-idea-of-masculinity-shaped_b_5a5e3e7ae4b003efadb6b142

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On page 40, the author writes “no matter how prosperous a man was, if he was unable to rule his women and his children (and especially his women) he was not really a man.” This shows an aspect of masculinity that is represented in their culture. The people of Umuofia believe that in order to be a man, one must be able to rule over the women and children and without doing so they are nothing. This creates a very dominant relationship and drives them further from reality and the way things should be.

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While I’m writing all of these points about how the perceptions of masculinity can easily become toxic and distance oneself from reality (wow that was a mouthful,) i’ve made a connection... At the beginning of this year Gillette released a pretty controversial advertisement about razors even though razors weren’t the star of the show, the message behind it stuck with many people. Over the last few years many people have felt confident enough to speak up about what was going on around them that was being kept quiet. The Me Too Movement occurred and some might argue that people were starting to paint men as the “villains.” But that’s not the case. The fact of the matter is that people were just exposing what people turned a blind eye to. Gillette created an ad about how their product was “for the best a man can be.” In the video it shows stereotypical men of all ages. Some of them are seen fighting, and some are repeating “boys will be boys” which is a common phrase used to excuse boys from unacceptable behavior. The ad can be viewed in two different lights, the first one relating to the main idea of the video which shows that not all men are the same while the second one shows how long we’ve let these behaviors last.
https://youtu.be/koPmuEyP3a0

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In some cases even showing signs of affection are seen as un-masculine. In chapter 4, Okonkwo starts to enjoy Ikemefuna’s company and starts to even see him as his own son. However, of course he never lets that show. On page 21, the author writes “Okonkwo never showed any emotion openly, unless it be the emotion of anger. To show affection was a sign of weakness,- the only thing worth demonstrating was strength.” The only acceptable “masculine” emotion is connected to anger. Anger is somehow different from love or sadness, instead of letting others in and exposing your vulnerability, anger allows people to put up a wall between them and the other person. This makes you harder to target and if you can’t be easily targeted you must be powerful.

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This idea can be seen throughout modern society. Men are supposed to bottle up their emotions and showing any sort of feeling would reveal their weaknesses. Okonkwo describes his devastating yams event to be gruesome enough to “break the heart of a lion,” and even though lions are the strongest mammals in the animal kingdom he still persevered. This type of masculinity becomes toxic very fast. Bottling up/fighting emotions like this can quickly take a toll on your mental health without you even realizing it. So dear men, (and everyone really) if you’re sad, please cry. You’ll be okay.

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On page 18, Okonkwo describes the turmoil he experienced while he struggled to plant yams. “It always surprised him when he thought of it later that he did not sink under the load of despair. He knew that he was a fierce fighter, but that year had been enough to break the heart of a lion,” Okonkwo remembers that year with great distress and it surprises him that it didn’t destroy him completely. However, one of the focal points of masculinity is the idea of being strong no matter what the situation is. Probably since day one, Okonkwo has been taught to hide his emotions and be stronger than whatever he’s going through, because giving into those emotions makes him weak.

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On page 11, the author describes that “Okonkwo did not have the start in life which many young men usually had.” In this section the reader understands that Okonkwo has been disappointed with his father for many years. Not only was he unable to inherit a barn from his father (because his father had none,) but his father was overall seen as a weaker man who was unable to be a warrior. Because of this Okonkwo was never close to his father and developed an internal fear in order to not follow in his footsteps.