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hi. this is my story. my name is pauly. i had a best friend called durra. she died by suicide on her birthday. i feel like sanity is a falsehood constructed to help the "healthy" feel "normal" in comaprison. u question how doctors treat mental illness, and whether they are treating the brain or the mind. i stayed in the ward and i underwent a period of depersonalization. i dont remember this much but, apparently i bit in the flesh of my hand because i was terrfied that i lost my bones. i developed a frantic obsession with the verification of this propsed reality, and i even insisted on seeing an X ray of myself to make sure. on time i went to the dentist and i became frantic after i woke up from the general anesthesia. no one told me how long i was unconscious so i feared that i literally lost time

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i feel like i'll give up soon

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bitter dismal heartbroken  melancholy mournful pessimistic somber sorrowful sorry unhappy wistful bereaved blue cheerless dejected depressed despairing despondent disconsolate distressed doleful down down in dumps down in the mouth downcastforlorngloomyglumgrief-stricken grieved heartsick heavy-hearted hurting in doldrums in grief in the dumps languishing low low-spirited lugubrious morbid morose not happy out of sorts pensive sick at heart troubled weeping woebegone thinking suicidal thoughts being made fun of for being an emo hated by everyone and just overall just SAD

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i know i have no right to feel bad but my sister was touch RIGHT UNDER MY NOSE it pisses me off and the man runs free im doxxing him also his name is michael torres i will stop at nothing to find him, but she told me and i told the teacher and she was kinda mad and it haunts me to this day

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i’ve been getting extreme urges to sh even though i’m 231 days clean, i even had a dream of self harming and it has made matters worse

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I feel as if i’m lost as if idk who i am right now. I’m confused of who i should trust and who i shouldn’t , i have trust issues and i steer away from people who get too close , and i feel like sometimes i’m unable to talk around people especially when it’s a public speech like a presentation or around a big group of people and i wasn’t like that i was confident enough to speak but now everything is falling apart and i’m lost and i don’t know who i am nor my personality

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Sensitive Subjects ⚠️ I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I’m so lonely. I don’t even have friends, no one wants to talk to me, I’m not included in anything at school. Everyone seems to be in happy relationships, I’ve never had any of that. I’ve never spelt special. I attempted on October 22 this year, obviously it didn’t work. But I wish it did. I hate my life, I hate every part of it, I don’t want to do this. I just want to be free, I just want to be at peace. There’s just this disgusting, heart wrenching, empty feeling I have everyday. Things aren’t going to get better for me, it’s been like this my whole life.

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I've just been so tired lately and I don't know how much longer I can handle it for. every morning when I wake up I don't want to start my day or go to school but I have to. I'm so tired of being hungry all day with no appetite. I'm so tired of being ignored for everything I've gone through, the trauma my dad gave me, the yelling, the fighting, everything. when I'm home alone I can hear cars pulling in the driveway and I get so scared that my dad's home and in a bad mood but I'm just hearing things. I'm so tired of the panic attacks I get daily and no matter how many pills I take they just aren't going away. I'm tired of the memories, the hearing things, the crying myself to sleep, the hunger, the neglect, the cold, the dark, I'm so fucking tired.

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I've got a disability which usually no one picks on me for, but over the past month or so these guys have been making fun of me and throwing stuff at me. I'm already sick of having my disability and navigating my social life, now these assholes have to add to it as well? It's all just so tiring. I'm exhausted. I'm not sure what's wrong with me.

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Recently, i've been getting too much suicidal thoughts. Is life really worth it. Cause i dont want it anymore. I just want to stab myself over and over again. I cant do anything.

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i’m tired, tired of feeling like i’m worthless and like i’m a wall. i try so hard to make “T” like me, i don’t even know why they’re still friends with me. i feel like they hate me, they like “A” so much more, i hate trios so much. they hang out together so much and literally forget about me. i feel like they’re both getting tired of me, it hurts to think that i sometimes feel awkward around them when they’re both my friends. i just wish they actually noticed how much they hurt me. what makes it worse is their stupid apologies, they’re literally all the same “sorry i’ll try to fix it” but they never do; and if they actually did “fix” it it’ll only last for a couple of days. what makes it worse is my family, they called a disappointment just cause i had a D in math. i don’t even understand why it matters if i basically passed, i just wish they saw how much i struggle with not only my friends but also school work. i also feel like i’ve been struggling to focus in school and i hate that, and i feel like i’m not ready to go back to school even thought i have a couple of months still.

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I’m always the second option, whether it’s my parents choice, my siblings choice or my friends choice. I always feel like the 2nd option to anyone and everyone, I have so many bestfriends but I don’t think they love and care about me as much as I do to them. It hurts so much having friends in your friend group hang out without you or they invite you but you’re always sitting there silently or just walking behind them. Today I was in a fun arcade place and it had rides too, I was with 3 of my friends and we each took turns sitting with eachother on the rides since they where mostly 2 seaters, 2 of them where mostly together and me and my other friend who is a guy where together. When it came to my turn of being with one of the 2 others she said, “no, I wanna be with *****!” Who is the girl she’s been going with almost every round, when she went on rides with the 2 others she took pictures with them but when I sat next to her she was just talking to them who where sitting behind us. I just want to feel wanted, I just want to feel special, I just want to feel like I’m existing with a purpose and a meaning.

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i am not selfish.
but i will do anything for myself if it means i become in a better shape physically and mentally
long story short im moving to a new country in a few weeks and i just really wanna dump all my friends and start a fresh new life, everytime i think about it i just feel bad for my friends but i want to move on and become a better person and im afraid i will see my bad old self in my friends, i feel like if i want to start a new life then i have to start from 0.
but also i just think i should dump every toxic friend that claims to "care for me" and keep the other nice 2. i dont know what to do, i want to move on with my life and my new lifestyle and im just undecisive.

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So I live with my grandpa and mom , when my grandma passed away my grandpa started SA-Ing our cleaning nanny’s , no body knew about it and only I did , so when I saw him SA one of the nanny’s (I was 7 ) I ran and told my mom , my mom didn’t believe and ending up getting mad at me and she said ( my dad will never do such a thing) after a few years when I turned 11 on my birthday I was wearing a white dress (it was covererd and not showy at all) I was in the kitchen eating some snacks and my grandpa walked in and I didn’t think much of it , suddenly he hugged me and started to rub my back area (the private one) and I was so uncomfortable and froze cuz I got so terrified and didn’t know what to do , then he started touching my back area in a SA way , then when he heard my uncles car outside he quickly walked to the living room , I didn’t now if I told my mom or family they would believe me , and so I stayed quiet, a year later after I turned 12 after 5months , I was in the living room and my grandpa came , I was studying I didn’t see him there (I was wearing a hoodie and sweat pants both black colored) and I heard him say ( oh look at that body so sexy I can’t even imagine, ur sexy right ? Yea yea u are ) this time I quickly got up and left all my stuff , and im planning to spread awareness PLEASE DONT STAY QUIET AND REACH FOR HELP (I already reached for some and im so glade I did , just please don’t stay quiet things like this are not good to not speak about it .)

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i hate myself so fucking much im so fucking fat and i try really hard to lose weight i do everything but no matter how hard i try i’ll never be like my other friends who are skinny and pretty. everyday i walk into this class with my friend and everyone compliments how pretty is and everyone just sees me as the annoying fat friend

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I want to kms rn. Help I need my razors but they’re too blunt. I tried sh with a fucking twig. I mean, I bled but a fucking twig are you serious.

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I don’t really have anything to vent about that is actually relevant. I’m just in a really toxic relationship at the moment. My friend has had anorexia and I’ve tried to help them get through the year but they are always really possessive. At one point, I went on a camp with my best friend and we weren’t allowed phones out and they texted me something like. “I love you. Goodbye. Don’t miss me too much, just know this isn’t your fault.” Which obviously scared me. It was a manipulative way of going because spoiler alert, they didn’t kill themselves. They’re always making jokes about me but the jokes are only funny to them. They make fun of my intelligence and laugh at my downfall. Whenever I do better than them, they make it their personal goal to beat me.
What I’ve put already, isn’t that toxic but it gets worse.
They peer pressured me into feeling like I needed to self harm to be accepted and now it’s just a part of my life and it’s a struggle all because of them. They hurt me for no reason. Like a couple of weeks ago, they walked up to me and just grabbed my wrist and said they wanted to break it which it felt like they were trying to do. I told them to stop and they didn’t. They also touch me in inappropriate places, such as my chest, thighs and bum. It sounds stupid but they’re really sensitive about people touching them but they come up to me and wrap their legs around me which makes me feel uncomfortable and I told them, they laughed and continued to do it. Another time I was raising my arms for something and they came and just wrapped their arms around my chest, squeezing my titties. It sounds so silly me saying it but I kicked them in the shin and swore at them. They then said I was in the wrong for kicking them when I had said my feelings about them touching me like that. It’s not surprising I guess. They read and watch porn into god knows what hour.
They also push me into really uncomfortable situations and it’s not just me. They had a girlfriend who didn’t like physical contact like me and they kept trying to sext her.
Anyway, the thing that’s scaring me the most is their violence. I said about them trying to break my arm but today something happened and I’m really stuck and I don’t know what to do. Basically they got their scissors and pressed it against my neck. I stepped back but there was a wall and no escape. So they pressed their scissors into my neck, smiled and said “I’m sure it wouldn’t matter if I just snipped”
I have three options. 1, tell them that we cannot be friends anymore if they hurt me anymore which could lead to their death since they are suicidal. 2, tell one of my head of years who would expel them most likely. Or 3, tell my mother who would tell the school who would expel them.
I talked about it with my friends and they said to wait until it happens again which I’m kind of scared to do. I am afraid of them. I can’t trust them. They’ve threatened to kill me several times and I don’t know what to do. This isn’t in the past, this is now and I can’t choose who to betray.

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i was ordered by the state to spend a summer with my biological father when i was 7. during that summer i spent my days locked in a empty room, the only time i could come out was to clean the house for him and eat/go to the bathroom. showers he would always watch me, i thought everything we did was normal? whenever i did something he felt deserved a punishment he would take all my clothes off and beat me. i was humiliated and didn’t understand what he was doing was wrong? i am 15 now and still have no idea how to cope, ever since that summer i have never been the same, i used to sh and now i don’t not bc i am better but bc i don’t want to hurt my mom. she is all i have left and she is already just as mentally unwell as me so unpacking my trauma on her doesn’t seem fair. i have gone to therapist and therapist and i just don’t know how to understand what happened to me. i still feel like it wasn’t valid and that it was just discipline? was it really sa? or was it just punishment. i feel like i am faking everything. i have severe anxiety (social and generalized) and take sm medication for it. nobody knows what i have been through but i want to call him out so bad. i want him to pay, i want him to die. i know that sounds dramatic but he ruined my life and took my innocence. i was 7? i don’t think i deserved that.

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I have pretty friends. They say I’m pretty and so does my family but I’m a girl. I still would like to know what it’s like for a guy to think I’m pretty. They always go for my friends or my friends take them from me unintentionally (I never tell them that I had a interest in the person). Today my friend who is so beautiful followed a guy after I sent her a screenshot of something he said to me. He proceeded to tell me she was jaw dropping and how shocked he was for someone so pretty to add him. My replies because very short and I told him I wasn’t upset even thought I kind of am. He tried to say I was prettier but I don’t like pity pretty. It hurts my feelings and makes me feel bad. She has a boyfriend so she has no interest but if I say something I don’t want her to feel bad. It’s just tiring never even getting the male gaze. I know I don’t need a boy to love me but I’m going to be 18 in 11 days. I’ve never been on a date, never asked out, never invited to anything. It hurts hearing everything all my friends get to do. I refuse being their plus ones since I wasn’t personally invited. I’m just tired and I feel so bad about myself.

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i’m just gonna kms sometime soon it’s actually laughable how many times i pushed my suicide date 😭 i tried to OD in january and it didn’t work, i also tried to do it last year in sept and it didn’t work. i’m such a pussy like just take the fucking pills and swallow them it’s 1 simple thing i need to do to end the pain but noooo be a pussy 😭

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I’m always suffering with eating discorders and starving myself but nothing is helping and it’s getting worse

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I think i might have gym OCD 😭😭

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i feel like absoulte 🤬. every day for the past two years ive had at least one panic attack and its getting 🤬 exhausting. my heart feels like its in overdrive constantly, and everyday i feel like im going to pass out. every morning i wake up and my heart is beating like crazy. i keep begging my mom to let me stay home from school because i feel so left out and invisble around my friend group and it adds on to my already horrible anxiety, and its like she doesnt even believe me. i overthink and freak out about the tiniest things and i dont think i can do it anymore. i literally just want to die. im so tired of everything. i dont even think ill make it till next year. i feel so unwanted and so unloved. im always the one that texts my friends first, and sometimes they dont even answer me for hours. i feel like 🤬. i cant even write or focus or listen properly because my brain constantly on overdrive, overanalyzing every action and every situation. my chest constantly hurts. i dont eat anything anymore, and when i do i always vomit it out. i just want to die.

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i have been bottling so much up lately to seem strong but it feels like I’m about to burst.

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can someone please tell me conversations i can talk to with my crush bc i just get too nervous and dont know how to open a conversation

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is it okay if im christian and hes muslim?

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i just feel so confused abt him, he shows me that he likes me one day, then he just dont talk to me the other. he gives me alot of mixed signs but i really like him so much.
one of the girls in my class sits next to him and in fact she likes him so everytime i talk to him she gets arngy and starts saying shit about me when i didnt do anything wrong
i really dont know if he likes me or not

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i just don't feel good anymore. it seems like every moment of happiness i have is just a short high that i come crashing down from immediately. i don't know what to do anymore

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I want to die. I hate my life.

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My trauma is getting to me again. I'm just trying to live. Why does he have to come back into my life every time I feel ok. Im just trying to move on, and he's trying to convince my family he's changed. I thought everything was over after I spoke up about how my uncle raped me when I was literally 7. But my family needs to come back and do this shit. I'm done.

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hii lovess, is 13 and 16 okay?? no s3xual activities at all

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Im not feeling okay i have no reason anymore im just not. I force myself out of bed. I lost interest im everything. Life is feeling so boring. I shake none stop. I feel so unloved. I allways rant im a way but no one seems to even ask abt me lol im allways there for ppl i listen why cnat they? I feel so alone. I promised 7year old me it will get better. But nothing. I developed a bad habit “TW:SH” with something one of my favorite people gave me. Ither than making jokes its the inly way i can cope. I wanna ask for a therapist but im scared ppl will view me as a psycho. Im not even able to cry anymore nor understand what im feeling. I can’t feel shit and then i randomly start crying abt it .
!Tw!
I rlly wanna leave but im scared it will affect someone. I dont wanna die i just wanna kill this emptiness inside of me yhats grows everyday. I feel so lost i dont even know who i am. I dont know what is bothering me.

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life isn’t real anymore and everyone around me is fake and this whole thing is just a stimulation.  i pray to god i die a good muslim

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my friends just told me that two guys like me, and my friend likes one of them. i would go on a date with either of them if they asked, and i don't know what to do without hurting any of my friendships and breaking the "girl code". i the guy my friend likes asked me out id consider saying yes but there are so many repercussions and i want to go out with someone as well because i have only a few months left in the country i'm in, which is stressing me out a lot and i kinda just want to do things without hurt, but it seems near impossible these days. yay i love boy problems. not to mention the two guys are mainly guesses based off of what our guy friend told my friend group, and i have very very minor feelings for the guy my friend likes. im stuck in a fricking love triangle and its so annoying

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everytime something slightly bad happens to me i consider suicide. it could be as small as a fight with my friend (i tried to OD after i got into a fight with her). I cant handle even the smallest bit of let down or pain. i’m scared when i get older and i’m put into the real world i won’t know how to handle myself and i’ll just end up killing myself. it’s something i genuinely see happening. idk what to do and i don’t find joy in everyday life anymore.

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i thought moving countries and starting fresh would help but it didn’t at all , i don’t know why i’m so lazy and not motivated to do anything. depression literally took all over me i can’t get up or study or eat and no matter how hard i try to have a healthy lifestyle i keep failing over and over im so tired of being here

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Please I am so tired of everything. It’s all so draining and I’ve considered ending it multiple times. I feel like i can’t talk to anyone about it and it really bothers me

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i’m so angry at the world and so sick and tired of everything. i’m desperate for change, I want to up and move to a completely new country with new people and a new environment. i don’t want anything about my social circles or environment to be familiar. I wish I could just run away from everyone, from school and even my closest friends because I hate how I feel all of the time. i don’t feel like they’re my people anymore, and it’s nothing to do with them. they’ve been completely loving and supportive, it’s just that something about me’s changed. i don’t know. I don’t know what to do. I want to escape.

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im a really picky eater so I usually skip lunch, I dont like it. I cant swallow the food by now, im honestly used to it, its always the exact same thing: machboos or if not it always has rice in it. but the problem is if I skip lunch I get hungry and I start to eat my snack. the thing is my snack is always junk food. and lets say I wanted to eat a brownie, I would always go for 2 or 3, and the brownie is quite big. Im always afraid to gain weight, or get an ed or get diabetes, so I dont eat that snack, then I wait for dinner, sometimes dinner is really good or I just eat 3 bites. today, I didn't like the dinner or lunch. And ive been getting so skinny im worried. the problem is im wasting all this food and it just goes to waste, I know many people (not nesscarilly from skl) who tell me if I even eat, and everyone calls me skinny. and its just really annoying, people dont know how much words hurt.

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i just wanna be someone else’s best friend for once. i want someone to be like “yeah she’s my best friend!” to others and talk ab me like i would talk ab them. i’ve considered so many ppl throughout my life my best friend, none of them said it back. i’ve never been someone’s actual best friend and it hurts even tho it’s just a term.

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Idk how to really feel, ik my friends hate me. I’m always not invited to the hangouts. I really want to have a high school experience  and actually have fun, every Thursday they hang out and it hurts since I never got invited. Even though I Brought them together and I made the friend group I was basically kicked out. It hurts me a lot every time they hangout with out me it makes me feel so unappreciated, not important. Also it hurts me even when they have a convo im always left out. Idk what to do I can’t try finding new friends simply cuz im anti-social. I have been friends with them for 5 yrs and now I feel like strangers. Im sorry but I know they hold a grudge against me for no reason I never did anything wrong to them. All I want is a friend to stay me and actually show me that they care. Idk what to do I can’t stay like this. I want to experience the beauty of true friendship.

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So what im mainly thinking of rn is the relationship im in, its enough that im risking so much being in the relationship, and i love her to death, and i know she loves me but i feel like im not getting the love I deserve. I check on her every day asking how her day was and if she has eaten well and she never does that with me. I feel like she doesnt like being around me or like talking to me, and ive brought this topic up to her a few times before but its always “im sorry u feel that way ill try to be better” but nothing changes. Idk if im being  too dramatic or whatever but i feel like I deserve more, i do so much for her but i never get the same in return. I spoil her whenever i can, i try to make her happy, i try to be there for her even tho she doesnt even talk to me about whats bothering her but hey ig thats personal and i cant make that about the relationship but still, i just feel like I deserve more. And again i love her, so so much, but i dont think she prioritizes me the same way i do yk? Like im not as important to her as she is to me. And i feel like i shouldnt be risking being in the relationship this much if im not as happy as i should be. So idk what i should do honestly

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I feel like all my friends hate me no matter how many reassurance they give me I feel like they talk ab me behind my back and they never invite me to anything and I always tend to mess up I’m so thankful some of them forgive me but ik they hold a grudge

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yk that feeling where you are completely abs utterly numb. like you don’t feel any emotions and you just walk around with a hole in your chest and you’re just completely empty. i felt like that for 2 years and i had just started getting better and feeling okay again. and for the last few months i’ve been mostly happy, genuinely happy, but now that feeling is coming back and idk if i have the energy to pull myself out of it again. i’m just so 🤬 drained, mentally and physically.

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I can’t cope with school when I have people that let me down and exclude me from everything. 

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I can’t cope with school when I have people that let me down and exclude me from everything. 

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I wish I just didn’t feel so stressed with people all around me ignoring my emotions and not being sympathetic for me.

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I just want to run away from the world. I want someone who'll love me and i'd love them with everything in me. It would be just us vs the world and we would be happy I can't deal with this 🤬 anymore I just wanna start over somewhere new with someone new

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i want someone to genuinely love me and think about me the way i think about other people. just for once.

# data[].attributes.subject
i want someone to genuinely love me and think about me the way i think about other people. just for once.

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this is my safe space ily angela

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a guy i had a small talking phase with a couple days ago commented on my physique when i was at a party, wearing a dress. i sent a picture of my fit and me in the dress and he pointed out one of my insecurities that weren’t that bad, but after he pointed it out it became worse. after he mentioned it i instantly put my jacket on and cried in the bathroom of the party. who in their right mind points out something negative about another persons looks, especially during a talking phase? i’ve struggled with thinking in the ugliest and stinkiest 🤬 alive but this just pushed me over the edge. it’s at least 3 times a day i look in the mirror and see a piece of 🤬. my nose is too big and my shoulders are too wide. MY WAIST IS TOO LARGE and i’m built like a man. all my friends are so feminine while i dress like a guy bc i don’t put effort into myself, i don’t do 🤬 for myself. even when i try and do things like try and do makeup, it doesn’t work. i will always look like 🤬. when someone compliments me i genuinely think they’re saying it out of petty or to make fun of me. i cant wait til i’m 17 to get a nose job and to get other cosmetic surgery’s bc i cant handle this 🤬. why is everyone so gorgeous and i’m not?

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I’m so sad sometimes and I don’t know how to fix it

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This is mean but it’s my honest feelings 

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This is mean but it’s my honest feelings 

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There’s something that might make me feel better, And it would be to call this 🤬 up and tell her that I don’t know who the 🤬 she thinks she is but she can sit her ugly 🤬 down, I’m not going to give context to the situation but let’s JUST SAY I might be jealous and it makes me even more angry that I am jealous, because I am not the one that should be jealous it’s her she’s the one that should be feeling this 🤬. And maybe someone might read this and think I’m 🤬 up for being so angry but I’m sure if you were in my position you’d feel like this too, giving context may help you undertand my perspective but i don’t want to do that. Anyways Ugly 🤬 🤬 🤬 I hope she 🤬 it all up shes a dumb 🤬.  This was said in the nicest way possible I promise.

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people who romanticise mental health problems by either faking it for attention or any other agenda such as for personal gain make me sick

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It’s been a few months since we broke up and I can’t decide whether I want him completely out of my life or if I should wait around. He has a new girlfriend so waiting around isn’t a good idea and it seems a little too late to try and get closure. I don’t know if I miss him he’s done so much I’m supposed to hate him but idk. I just wish he treated me the way he currently treats his girlfriend. I want to have the love he has now

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I hate people who self diagnose with my illness

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I hate people who self diagnose with my illness

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I hate how you all romanticise it I hate when I see someone self diagnose I hate it when people make it casual

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You’re loved because even when nobody’s there to show it you should love yourself more than anything else

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Mental health should get more attention these days 

# data[].attributes.subject
Mental health should get more attention these days 

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He means a lot to me. I want him to speak to me. I want to know what he’s thinking.

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i wanna end my life. i honestly see no hope in anything at all and it’s driving me crazy. everyday i wake up and do the same things. i go to school, do homework, eat dinner, sleep. even when i spend time with friends and go to my home country i don’t feel fulfilled anymore. everyday is so beige and repetitive and i honestly don’t wanna be here for another second. i already tried to OD and it didn’t work, i honestly don’t know what to do. i need help but at the same time i feel like i don’t need it bc my problems are so small. i’m so blessed to be in the position i’m in, healthy body, great country im living in, financial stability, etc. i feel guilty for feeling this way, while others are dying around the world and are extremely poor i’m here complaining about how my days are boring? i self evaluate too much and ifs like a debate that rushes through my head. i always think, “u shouldn’t think this”, or “what’s wrong with u u have everything good and going for u” but i can’t help myself but want to end my life literally every day. i’ve chickened out from actually doing it multiple times but the fact that i tried to OD and i just needed a bit more shows i can do it and it just shows idec if i die or not at this point. i just wanna leave here. it feels like no one will truly understand how i feel. i wake up and go to bed feeling like 🤬 ALL THE TIME. what if my friends don’t like me? what if im too much or not enough? what if i look ugly? what if ppl fake liking me? i hate this so much. the only option is to just end this. i cant take this 🤬

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i struggle with an on and off pill problem, i have issues with facing reality so i just ignore the harsh reality of things and pretend that life is a collection of movies i’m in and that everything will be ok but sometimes i have to sit down and face the music and realize that life is going to 🤬 and nobody cares. i am spiraling in front of everyone and ive never gotten more than an “are you ok” from even my closest friends and how do you answer that question without sounding like an absolute 🤬? you lie through your teeth and say that you’re ok but you’re not, i can’t cope with how things really are so i take a collection of pills that make me feel like im actually in a movie. it’s not healthy but nobody really cares i have no idea why im writing this on here i just felt like this might be better than pointlessly ingesting medicine.

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Moving on sucks a lot especially when both ends have done absolutely nothing wrong and were extremely in love. I’m finding it extremely hard moving on even tho I can’t contact him anymore since he has my blocked on everything and also the fact he is already talking or dating a girl and is completely okay and fine just like nothing happened and we hadn’t spent months doing all our firsts together stings to the point where it’s indescribable. Sometimes I wish I never met him but then if I hadn’t met him I wouldn’t have went through the most amazing things in my life. Sometimes I wanna hate him but then I can’t, I physically can’t. It’s like I get nauseous every time I just think about it. He meant absolutely everything to me. I don’t understand how I’m suppose to act like he’s a complete stranger and didn’t mean the universe to me if I see him in public. Idk why he’s insisting on making me look bad in his eyes, yes I’m not 🤬 perfect and may have done some mistakes but not to the point where he hates my guts because of something I was innocent in and done nothing wrong. Ever since he went, I’m finding it hard to focus on anything except him. I can’t focus on school, I can’t focus on myself, I can’t even focus on my other relationships and it’s impacting things horribly. It’s like an endless loop that I’ll stay in forever and ever. Everything reminds me of him, every time I lay my eyes on something I somehow relate it to him. I always think of him first then me. Even if I go out I would be like “wait this is adorable I should definitely get this for him” then it hits me that there is no him anymore and that him is enjoying his life with another girl. Hey don’t get me wrong I always wanted his happiness, im actually hoping he’s happy even after everything it just hurts to the point where idk how long I could take it anymore.

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i feel disgusting and betrayed and i dont know what do do.
about four months ago i think, i went through an extremely horrible breakup. the relationship i was in was so toxic, they constantly made me feel like 🤬 and made me miserable. i would constantly have anxiety over every little thing, to the point where i would stay up at night and just imagine horrible scenario after scenario, not just about them, but about my other friendships and my life as well. they treated one of my best friends like 🤬 too, and overall it was just a bad situation. i convinced myself that i was in love with them, i felt obligated to say it because they said it. every ounce of attention they gave me was conditional. all they did was lie to me. they would ignore me completely at school and when we hung out, wouldnt even look at me, and then act like nothing was wrong on call or text. they treated me completely different around other people. i was going down spiral after spiral. finally, around november 2021, i ended things with them for good. my mental health had been slowly getting better since then, and i made some new friends and started to get professional help. however, a few days ago, my best friend who was also affected greatly by this person wanted to talk to me. i was dreading it, because another good friend of mine told me that she’d been telling her at school about how she thought that person i’d been with had changed, and how she wanted to be on good terms with them again. so, she told me how she was going to meet up with them during break and talk. by this time i had to switch to online school for a small period of time due to a family member of mine catching covid. i will admit i was kind of shocked at first, but ultimately decided that it was her decision. i made it clear that i didnt want anything to do with them, and i didnt want my name brought up in any circumstance. after school had ended that day we called and she told me about the entire thing. the entire time i could feel myself shaking. i didnt know why she was so convinced that she needed to reopen this door that really, really did not need to be opened again. people dont change that quickly. it takes lots of time and reflection to truly work on yourself. it had only been four months at this point. i still hadnt even recovered from what i had went through with them, im still working on myself. but i didnt say anything because again, it was her choice, and she seemed so set on the idea. yet, i feel guilty because of how betrayed i felt. that person did so much 🤬 to me and was the reason for most of my anxiety and depression. had she just completely forgotten about it? she had seen the numerous amount of times i’d broken down over it. she saw me at my lowest 🤬 point and it was all because of that person. why did she think i’d be totally and perfectly okay? it had been only four 🤬 months. basically nothing. i just decided to keep my mouth shut, because i was so afraid of losing her and i didnt want it to seem like i was making her decisions for her. she even said that they mentioned me during conversation as if it was nothing, and as if all the 🤬 they did to me was seemingly forgotten. she seemed happy that they did, because she was scared my name would make their conversation awkward. after that call i just broke down into tears. i couldnt believe what was happening. i thought we’d finally gotten past that piece of 🤬 and moved on, but apparently not. since then ive just been angry. i was angry at her, i was angry at that person, and most of all i was angry at myself. i felt so 🤬, because i just hated myself for being such a coward and not speaking up. i said i was okay with it. it was a complete and utter lie. i go back to school tomorrow and im 🤬 terrified to even face her. ive been spiraling again, and its like that person never left my life in the first place. i know none of my other friends would ever do this, so why is she? im constantly asking that question, and the more i think about it the more i hate myself. ive just locked myself in my room these past few days. ive slowly fallen back into my old habits. all my progress has gone to 🤬. ive been stress eating, and i cant look at myself in the mirror without feeling utterly disgusted about my body. i just want it all to stop. i just want to know why she’s doing this.

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Both my sister and brother are extremely smart, bit i always feel so dumb. Not irl, i do think im socially intelligent but im not booksmart at all
My parents are sweet and dont put alot of pressure on me regarding school but i just always feel so stupid when we talk abt school and how far they've come.
Im scared to pick the path i wanna gp on at school cus what if i dont make it.

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I feel so disgusting and when I look in the mirror all I see is a fat person.
All my friends have lost weight and I try as hard as I can, I move 6 times a week and i still didn’t lose weight, I changed my food to the healthier and nothing changed, no matter what I try I’m just fat. I’m so insecure of my body because during Summer 2020 and 2021, when I would hang out with family friends all they do would comment on my body and tell me to lose weight. I hate my body.

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I feel like I’m a huge burden to my parents and it makes me cry at night

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I don’t think I’ll make it till graduation

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I’ve had to grow up in an extremely toxic and traumatizing household at a terrifyingly young age, I would wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of screaming and crying, and I was just about 6 years old, it was a routine, and that had caused me to starting getting nightmares at that same age (6), they were absolutely horrifying, it had left me in terror every morning, and it was the same Reoccurring one, but I never seemed to actually remember what the dream was, I’d just wake up with panic attacks every morning and not knowing what to do with myself until I’d finally lose all energy and simply pass out on my bed, the fighting reached its peek when I had just turned 11 when my parents were at the brink of a divorce, we could barely have a sitting without another fight happening, and we had traveled without my dad and had to spend 85% of the summer break without him, yet they would still fight over the phone, I’m 14 now, the fighting has calmed, but the trauma and that sick feeling in my stomach still remains, my dad has an awful temper still and I fight with him everyday about the simplest things, and he scares me, I now fear making eye contact with anyone, my friend told me that any time I’m in a conversation with someone, it’s quite noticeable that I don’t make any contact and keep my head down, and I tend to flinch when loud noices appear or when someone touches me, and sometimes my parents make me feel as if everything is my fault, I have so much weight on my shoulders but apparently I’m “overreacting” because I’m still a 14 year old kid who hasn’t seen 🤬, I’ve struggled with self harm and my appetite has been almost non existent now, and I tend to starve myself because I feel like it’s the only thing I can control, it’s a constant cycle,my anxiety has reached its peak and I can’t speak at all infront of large groups without feeling my legs grow weak. my parents don’t believe in mental illness tho “just get close to your god and you’ll feel well” or they blame it on my device , how do I tell them my phone is the only reason I haven’t actually gone to serious extents and took action to my suicidal thoughts? I’ve lost motivation to do everything and I don’t have anyone to talk to, my school performances keep getting worse and worse and I feel like I don’t give two 🤬, I used to be a top of the class student but I’m slowly sinking under and falling behind. and I’m just mentally and physically exhausted, I know I need serious help but I don’t want it.

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I have ocd too.

I’ve read your story on ur acc and you aren’t alone in this. Having OCD is more than just wanting to have things organised, it’s something that eats us up alive.

My ocd is a bit different than urs, I have it like if for example I don’t close the door 5 times, I am convinced something bad will happen. Sometimes I will stand at the door for so long, opening and closing the door until I get it right.

I understand and feel how you spent times crying and screaming in the bathroom waiting and praying for it to stop. I have done it too. It feels like begging to whatever thing inside us that is making us do this and asking for it to stop and just let us live. You just want to go on your day without having to think about the 🤬 urges that control our mind and path of the day.

I used to wash your hands with you. I never realised what you were going through and you were strong for hiding it through the pain. But it’s better you’ve shared it now. It’s a step we all need to take. I haven’t shared it with others yet. You have taken a big step for us all who have OCD.

I have also seen therapists, but I didn’t feel that it helped. I haven’t gone since.

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I just don’t wanna get hurt again.

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my whole life people have tried to tell me that there was something wrong w the way i am and the way i look and they kept telling me to “work on myself “ but now that i have genuinely improved i can’t stop believing that there’s something wrong with me and i still need to work and it’s getting out of hand i can’t accept myself as i am and it’s draining me

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i've been getting a lot flashbacks recently about things i want to forget and they have been coming at the most random times. i just want it to stop. it has affected every relationship i've had and i hate that

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ever since i was younger, i've always been insecure and struggled with my body. i started starving myself and no one seems to notice. it has reached to the point where i wont eat anything for days. i wouldn't eat anything until i was close to passing out. i'm too scared to ask for help because anytime ive told someone about how i was feeling ive been called an attention seeker and eventually i started feeling like one. there's a part of me that tells me i'm better off dead and that the people around me are better off without me. and it's almost always there. I've been getting panic attacks for 8 years and they've been getting worse. i've had instances where i was rushed to the hospital because i couldn't breathe and times i've passed out on my floor in the middle of the night for hours and no one knows. i have a tendency to self sabotage anything good happening in my life and i'm so scared of ruining this one relationship i have because they mean everything to me and  have saved me in more ways than one. I recently lost my grandma and ever since that day i've been doing things that i never thought i would do.

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I feel like everything’s slowly falling apart and I’m so tired

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How Can I stop vaping

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I suffer from ed and im gaining alot of weight i feel so insecure about my body

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that’s so sweet of you🥰

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i hate everything about me literally everything the way i talk, the way i look ..etc many many people call me pretty but i don’t fell pretty

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I’ve constantly struggled with body image. Ed after Ed a repetitive cycle that seemed to have no end. This effected my school performance, my social life and my emotional well being. I feel like Ed’s aren’t really talked about especially at school. I feel like there should be more awareness surrounding that and regarding how to build a good relationship with food and putting a stop to the generational trauma which often causes eds at a young age. Relapsing has been a constant occurrence for the past two years but I’m afraid of admitting it to anyone for I am scared of seeming small against my peers. I could go on and on about my experience but that would lead me to no happy ever after because it’s what I’m still going through. I hate how this has become a norm of teenage culture and it angers me everyday to see how glorified social media has ought eds to be.

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i really wish my breaths satisfied my lungs and i wish that hours of sleep were enough to eliminate my constant exhaustion. sometimes i think that when that person left they took that little light in me with them and it really bothers me that i think that because i know i’m giving the situation too much power in my head. it’s detrimental but the one causing these feelings is just me

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i have bpd, heavy anxiety, adhd, and anger issues all from trauma, and i have a girlfriend. everyday i have this excessive fear of me accidentally hurting them and i'm trying my best to never lash out on her because sometimes whenever i'm mad or sad about something i just go out on someone and i act like it's all their fault but in the end it's mine and i hate doing that i have lost countless people because of my issues and i don't want to lose my girlfriend.she means the world to me and if i ever made her sad in any way i would never forgive myself because id never ever wanna hurt a sweet,kind,amazing person like her. and me having this fear is making my anxiety worse and worse and worse and everytime we talk i just get really anxious and mind every single thing i say so i don't mess up

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i miss him a lot and nobody knows and i dont know who to take back what i did and i feel so horrible for hurting him

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i found out smt about one of my friends and i am heartbroken

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i'm done with life tbh

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why am I so unloveable I hate him for not loving me I hate the guy before him for not loving and all the previous ones

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There is no explanation for my exhaustion. It seems like I'm not capable of feeling like myself again. I don't understand why or how. It's been a while since this started, and I'm unsure what caused it. There is only one thing I know: everyday repeats itself and I feel trapped, trapped in a mind and world that no longer lets me escape. I fantasize about a life that I think will make me happy. My fantasy will one day become a reality, but I have no idea how or when it will happen. My soul has been suffocating for years now, and I cannot wait until it finally escapes me.

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i know i’m not seen as the smart girl or no one thinks i’m studying enough but i swear i’m stuffing enough like i was having so much fun at a sleepover then my mom called me saying how my dad said i gotta go home and study. i was studying at the sleepover and i told them then but they said no no come home and focus it pisses me off so much i’ve studying so much for this one test that doesn’t even matter or count on my gpa. like i even started studying when i’m in the shower like i bring a paper put it in a plastic bag and shower while studying like it makes me so stressed and exhausted.

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TW//SA//
&?3 been assaulted by many guys in our school, abused and assaulted and if not physically then mentally if they cant do if physically when im not around.

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this is gonna sound to bratty but i hate being constantly called rich. i hate it so much. i don’t see myself as rich i don’t know why others do, and i hate that i can’t just casually share the shit that’s happened in my love without someone making a snarky comment about i only live the life i live because of my money.

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i find myself constantly chasing a feeling that i’m yet to feel, remembering a memory i’ve yet to live. i cant wait until that day comes, when that memory turns into a real one and not one that’s just in my head.

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i really really really don’t wanna go back to rehab, but i cant stop myself, i keep relapsing.

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i cant stop relapsing

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Ma ba3rif kef ra7 balesh bas ra7 7awel eshra7..

Ana kteer t3bit mn al3alam yale bdal 3m tmsil 7ale rf2ati w b7boni w almshkle eno ana bsdi2 had alshe w akhr shi bnb3s😂😂😭

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I hate myself. I hate every single little detail of myself. I can't handle all the pressure i have on me right now. I hate my face I hate my body I hate my personality I hate everything about myself. I just can't love myself.  I'm too much for people to handle they always end up leaving and i feel like I'm unloveable. There are so many things that I just wanna change about myself that I wish I could. I'm tired of getting left I'm tired of getting treated the same way  every time. 

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I hate myself. I hate every single little detail of myself. I can't handle all the pressure i have on me right now. I hate my face I hate my body I hate my personality I hate everything about myself. I just can't love myself.  I'm too much for people to handle they always end up leaving and i feel like I'm unloveable. There are so many things that I just wanna change about myself that I wish I could. I'm tired of getting left I'm tired of getting treated the same way  every time. 

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if she don’t come back to me im bbringing back the dinosaurs and wiping out all of humanity if i don’t get to be happy none of y’all do 😭

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i cant handle my attachment issues. all the people i’ve been attached to dont seem like they want to stay

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i am sometimes get really anxious when talking to people or when doing stuff i feel like i could say or do something wrong and they wouldnt like me

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i really miss my bestfriend and i don’t know what to do about it. the person was my safest place and my biggest supporter

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i really miss my bestfriend and i don’t know what to do about it. the person was my safest place and my biggest supporter

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i relapsed this year and i couldnt hate myself more

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i relapsed this year and i couldnt hate myself more