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Good birth stories are powerful. Hearing a mother's experience - how she felt, what helped her feel strong, the way they were loved and listened to - it's more than comfort. It's a model to copy.

Learning from first-hand experience gifts you confidence for your birth. And when you also have a story to share, you can pay that forward in turn.

For nine years, tell me a good birth story has been building a big chain of beautiful birth stories. The link gets longer all the time, so if you'd like to add to it, please get in touch. Whether waterbirth or caesarean, induction or a breech birth at home, if you want to contribute your experience as a way to support new parents, contact us using the SHARE YOUR STORY page.

As for how to use this site.....head over to our library and dive in. A scroll's ok. But better still, get yourself a cup of tea and have a proper 'meeting' with the people sharing their stories there. In amongst the tales you'll find some tips from me - pearls and pointers about what all women need, wherever their birth journey takes them.

For further encouragement, my book is packed with practical guidance, and will help provide a clear path to you having a positive birth experience yourself.

Buy a copy, for yourself or a friend, and you'll be supporting our site and helping our community to grow.

'Absolutely loved this book. Very informative and full of no-nonsense, real and realistic advice about giving birth. A fantastic resource for preparing for a positive birth experience, whatever kind of birth you have. On top of that, it is a beautiful book with gorgeous imagery. A joy to read.' Noobug, Amazon Customer

'Natalie is all your mothers, your sisters, your aunties and your friends arriving bearing the gifts of their experience and wisdom. Nothing this book shares with us is useless; every page holds a nugget that could make birth or parenting easier or more beautiful. Reading the section on labour I felt I could hear Natalie's warm, kind voice, holding my hand as she passed on the deep, intuitive knowledge that can only come from years spent accompanying parents through labour and birth.' AIMS ( Association for the Improvement of Maternity Services )

'I adored this book and can't stop recommending it to people. I read it when pregnant with my second child and learnt so much, despite having giving birth before. It made so much sense! I learnt about all the stages of labour and was so much better prepared for my second birth. I loved the suggestions of lavender and hot water bottles, and other tips. It made me feel nurtured and excited about the birth. A very special book!' Jo

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Good birth stories are powerful. Hearing a mother's experience - how she felt, what helped her feel strong, the way they were loved and listened to - it's more than comfort. It's a model to copy. Learning from first-hand experience gifts you confidence for your birth.

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A variety of breathing techniques for different stages of labour

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Maternity Action is the UK's maternity rights charity dedicated to promoting, protecting and enhancing the rights of all pregnant women, new mothers and their families to employment, social security and health care.

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Maternity Action is the UK's maternity rights charity dedicated to promoting, protecting and enhancing the rights of all pregnant women, new mothers and their families to employment, social security and health care.

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When it comes to giving birth, most women want to know: how much is it going to hurt and will I be able to cope with the pain? Unfortunately, you can't answer either of these questions with certainty. But what you can do is improve your ability to cope with pain during labour, as well as understand your options for pain relief and their impact on you, your labour and baby.

Your birth partner(s) will make a huge difference to how you feel during labour. Emotional support, such as encouragement and reassurance from somebody you trust, can really boost your confidence and ability to cope with pain when you need it most.

Here we look at the different pain relief options that are available during labour.

Overcoming fear during labour

Labour is complex but, unfortunately, fear can affect this amazing process.

Fear makes you release adrenaline, which slows down the production of oxytocin and prepares your body to fight or run away (not helpful when you're trying to give birth). This makes your contractions less efficient and you focus on the pain and feel worse. So staying calm is the key to coping with pain.

To help you feel relaxed, it's good to read up on what happens during labour and choose a place to give birth where you feel safe.

It'll help to choose the right person to be your birth partner to help you cope with the pain and discomfort of labour more easily. It should be a person you trust, and who can give you encouragement, reassurance, listen to you and just be there. Research has shown that emotional support is important for women in labour.

Attending antenatal classes is also a really useful way of preparing for labour and gaining an understanding of what will happen on the day.

If it feels really tough, ask your midwife how you are getting on. Positive encouragement - knowing you are coping really well and making good progress - can make all the difference.

Position and movement in labour

Labour can last a long time so, at the beginning, try movement, upright positions, massage and water to help you cope. If you head straight for maximum pain relief, you'll never know how other things can help - plus your labour may end up being even longer.

Lying on your back can make your contractions slower and more painful. Different positions and movement, such as rocking, swaying and leaning forwards, maximises your body's ability to give birth as it helps ease your baby along the birth canal.

Pros

Maximises your body's ability to give birth.

No lasting side-effects for you or your baby

Cons

Try not to overdo it; saving energy is also important. Lying on your side for a while or sitting up supported by lots of pillows can help your body to work really well while you conserve energy.

Water and birthing pools in labour

Water soothes pain and, in a large birthing pool, supports you, enabling you to glide into any position. For more about water births and using water during labour, see here.

TENS (Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation) machine in labour

A TENS machine transmits mild electrical impulses to pads on your back. These block pain signals and help your body to produce endorphins. For more about the pros and cons of TENS, see here.

Complementary therapies

Various complementary therapies are available, such as acupuncture, aromatherapy, reflexology, yoga, self-hypnosis and massage.

Pros

Some studies show acupuncture is helpful.

Massage or pressure on the lower part of your back can help reduce levels of stress and ease discomfort, too.

You can learn self-hypnosis techniques for labour by attending a course or using CDs; you don't have to have a hypnotherapist with you in labour.

Cons

There is little research proving the effectiveness of these treatments though lots of women say that they found these techniques useful.

Apart from massage and self-hypnosis, you will need a registered practitioner to perform the therapies.

Sterile water injections

Sterile water injections involve injecting a tiny bit of water into the skin of your lower back to help with back pain during labour. For more about sterile water injections, see here.

Gas and air (Entonox) in labour

Entonox is a colourless, odourless gas made up of half nitrous oxide and half oxygen. You'll probably be given gas and air through a mouthpiece and told how to breathe it in. Read more about Entonox here.

Painkilling drugs in labour (opioids such as pethidine, diamorphine, meptid and remifentanil)

Pethidine, diamorphine and meptid are pain relieving drugs given by injection into the thigh. Some hospitals offer remifentanil, which is a very strong, short-acting painkiller given via a drip that you can control yourself using a machine. For more details, see our articles about intramuscular opioids and remifentanil.

Epidural

Epidural analgesia is a local anaesthetic injected into the space between two vertebra in your back. It usually removes all pain and most feeling from the waist down.

The combined spinal epidural (CSE) injection contains a low dose of pain-relieving drugs and works more quickly than an epidural alone. Read more about their pros and cons in our articles about epidurals and CSEs.

Top tips for labour

The following tips have been found to be useful by women in labour:

1. Before labour, spend some time imagining having your new baby in your arms after the birth and that all is well. Imagining that you did it, and that you did it as you wanted, creates a positive picture to focus on.

2. Moving about helps labour to progress and women have said they were better able to work with the pain while rocking and leaning forwards (the pressure of the baby's head on the cervix will promote the release of oxytocin as well as endorphins - the body's natural pain relievers). Focus on letting go and relaxing any muscles that aren't needed to hold you in a position.

3. Focus on the out breath during a contraction. Keep the breathing calm and rhythmic.

4. Make a noise if you want to - be somewhere with people that are happy for you to moan, grunt, sigh or even swear if that helps.

5. Belly-dancing, hip-wriggling and stepping movements all help your baby settle into a good position to be born.

6. Massage or pressure on the lower part of your back just above the top of your bottom can help.

7. Water helps women relax and move more easily; being in a pool can give women a feeling of safety and security.

8. Positive, affirmative thoughts and supportive comments from birth partners help to promote confidence in the process. 'You are doing well - your body is made for this - feel the power of your body - your body knows how to do this - each pain is progress' are all positive and encouraging statements.

9. During labour, think about welcoming each contraction. As your contractions become stronger, longer and closer together your body is getting ready to give birth.

10. Rest, relax and conserve energy between contractions as labour progresses.

11. Have confidence in your own self-help resources.

12. Acknowledge that labour is unpredictable and that uncertainty is difficult to go along with. Try to go with the flow.

Recognising the point at which labour feels worst - when you have had enough - is often the point just before you are ready to start pushing your baby out. Having people with you who help you feel strong and capable can make all the difference.

Do what feels best for you

Every labour is different and each woman should choose whatever she needs to help her work with the pain of labour. Most importantly, have confidence that you can do it.
This page was last reviewed in August 2019.
Further information

Our support line offers practical and emotional support with feeding your baby and general enquiries for parents, members and volunteers: 0300 330 0700.

We also offer antenatal courses which are a great way to find out more about pregnancy and life with a new baby.

NHS Choices guide to pain relief.

Research from the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (RCOG) about the use of water as pain relief in labour.

Information from NHS Choices about complementary therapies during pregnancy and before birth.

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Pain relief in labour | Labour & birth articles & support | NCT

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Find out about the different options available for pain relief in labour and childbirth, including epidural, pethidine, TENS and other ways to reduce pain.

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What makes for the perfect birth environment?

The perfect environment for giving birth is:

These five elements will help you to feel relaxed and secure. Your body can then release the hormone you need for labour to progress (oxytocin), and the hormones that will help you through labour (endorphins). If you feel safe and undisturbed, you will be able to focus on giving birth to your baby.

So whether you're planning to give birth at home, in a birth centre, or in hospital, take some time to think about how you will create these five elements.

How do I create my own perfect birth environment?

Plan what you will need with your birth partner. It will be his job to create that environment, and to protect it, once your labour has started. He'll be the guardian of your birth space, and your midwife can help him to adapt the birth room to meet your needs.

Create a nesting area
This may involve moving furniture around or softening the room with cushions and blankets. At home you can use the furniture as props. You could hold on to the kitchen surface and rock your way through a contraction. Or you may prefer to lean over the sofa and doze in between contractions. In hospital, you may choose to ask for any unnecessary technical equipment to be moved out of sight.

Make sure that the bed is pushed to the side of the room to reduce the chance of you lying flat on your back on it. Use mats, beanbags, cushions, blankets and a birth ball to make yourself comfortable. Remember that upright positions will help your labour to progress.

Adjust the heating and lighting
At home use candles, tea lights, dimmer switches and fairy lights to make soft, calm, ambient lighting. Whatever the season, you want to be comfortably warm, so keep out draughts, turn up the thermostat if you need to, or put the fire on.

However, it's always hot in hospitals! Use dimmer switches, if there are any, to adjust the lighting. You could take along battery-operated lights which you can buy from hardware or camping shops or garden centres. Some hospital units are better designed than others, but there will always be an anglepoise lamp. If all else fails, turn the lamp towards the wall and turn off overhead lighting to create a soft glow.

Shut the doors and draw the curtains

Don't be afraid to close doors or draw the curtains. Privacy is not just about being watched, it's also about being heard. You need to feel able to move around, make noise, and wear what's comfortable. Playing music may help you to feel more confident about making noise as well as filtering out other people's noise.

Have someone with you who you trust
Continuous support from someone you trust right from the start of labour will help your labour to progress. It will help you feel safe and protected. Your supporter could be your partner, a close friend or relative, or a doula. You could have two supporters lined up so that one can take over from the other as your labour progresses.

Keep chat to a minimum and turn off your mobile
Distractions can be useful, and laughter is good for you, particularly early on. However, as labour becomes more established, it will take more of your energy and concentration. During contractions you will need to focus on your breathing.

A ringing phone or constant text messages can intrude on your privacy, and even produce adrenaline. This can interfere with the hormone oxytocin which you need to give birth. If the room is dark, people will be quieter. People automatically drop their voice in a darker room. Likewise, playing soft music or ambient noise prevents people from getting nervous and talking to fill the silence.

Surround yourself with familiar smells
You can use essential oils to help your labour. Or you might prefer familiar, homely smells. Nuzzling into your partner's neck, or a pillow or throw from home, may work for you.

Cover any visible clocks
It can be useful to check in with the contractions every so often, but you don't want to count or time every one. If you measure labour in terms of the number of minutes or contractions, this is how it will pass.

You don't know how long labour will be, and time doesn't mean anything until afterwards. Try to focus on being in the moment. Endorphins will help with this, as they can alter your perception of time, which is perfect for labour!

Try to create the same sort of atmosphere as you would for a romantic night in. After all, oxytocin is the hormone of love and lactation, as well as labour. It helped you to fall in love with your partner and conceive your baby, and it will help you to bond with and breastfeed your baby after the birth, too.

Oxytocin and labour work best under the same conditions as when you make love. This is when you feel safe, secure, warm and undisturbed.

See our video on how to help your baby be born, or discover how other women stayed calm in labour.

References

Buckley SJ. 2002. Ecstatic birth. Mothering 111 mothering.com [Accessed April 2012]

Buckley SJ. 2004. Undisturbed birth - nature's hormonal blueprint for safety, ease and ecstasy. MIDIRS Midwifery Digest 14(2):203-9

Hodnett ED, Downe S, Walsh D, et al. 2010. Alternative versus conventional institutional settings for birth. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews (9): CD000012. onlinelibrary.wiley.com [pdf file, accessed April 2012]

Hodnett ED, Gates S, Hofmeyr GJ, et al. 2011. Continuous support for women during childbirth. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews (2): CD003766. onlinelibrary.wiley.com [pdf file, accessed April 2012]

Kitzinger S. 2003 The new pregnancy and childbirth: Choices and challenges. 4th edition. London: Dorling Kindersley

Lothian JA. 2004. Do not disturb: the importance of privacy in labor. J Perinatal Ed 13(3):4-6

NCCWCH. 2007. Intrapartum care: care of healthy women and their babies during childbirth. National Collaborating Centre for Women's and Children's Health, Clinical guideline. London: RCOG Press. www.nice.org.uk [pdf file, accessed April 2012]

Chess Thomas is BabyCentre's research editor and a qualified antenatal teacher.

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Creating the perfect environment for giving birth

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The perfect environment for giving birth is: These five elements will help you to feel relaxed and secure. Your body can then release the hormone you need for labour to progress (oxytocin), and the hormones that will help you through labour (endorphins).

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Turn2us is a national charity offering information and practical support to people facing financial insecurity. We help people gain access to welfare benefits, charitable grants and other support - online, by phone and face to face through our work in communities and the organisations we partner with.

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Building a society that supports men as hands-on fathers and father-figures

The Fatherhood Institute is a UK charity working to build a society that values, prepares, and supports men as involved fathers and caregivers.

Evidence shows that involved fatherhood has unique and significant impacts on children, mothers, and fathers themselves; improves children's wellbeing and outcomes; and helps progress towards gender equality at home and in the workplace.

Our work focuses on research, policy, and practice. We publish research reviews, take part in new studies and test promising family interventions; advocate for policy change; produce practice resources; and train practitioners in perinatal, early years, education, and social care services.

In July 2023 we started a Parliamentary petition calling on the Government to improve its statutory paternity offer, by:

​

Paying employed fathers two weeks' paternity leave at 90% of salary

​

Introducing a 'daddy month' of four weeks' parental leave, paid at the same rate

​

Introducing a Paternity Allowance for fathers who are not employees

If 10,000 people sign the petition by 11 January 2024, the Government will have to respond to this proposal.

Our policy work streams

Discover our work to create more father-inclusive policies and services

Our research

Read our high-quality research reviews, co-investigations with eminent universities, and empirical research

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The Fatherhood Institute is a UK charity working to build a society that values, prepares, and supports men as involved fathers and caregivers. Our work focuses on research, policy, and practice.

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