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When I was a kid, I always felt this random feeling of sadness like I'm alone but as someone who sees herself as a jolly kid, I put that feeling aside. I remember crying and praying to God to make those feelings stop because I don’t want to be perceived as someone who cries, as someone who is sad. Growing up I was taught that crying and being sad is a sign of being weak and I don’t want to be portrayed as someone who is weak.

I started questioning God.  Why can’t I be numb?

Days, months, and years have passed but I still feel like something is missing. I started having these random thoughts of making the pain go away. I tried several ways but at the end of the day, it still doesn’t make me feel any better. Everything just piles up until it asks for you to pay. I deeply regret trying to leave so soon.

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When life gets rough and when we’re sad and in pain, we tend to wish to be just numb. but you know suicide or self-harm doesn’t really take away the pain but rather worsens the situation. During those hard times, it is indeed tempting to end the pain but you have to be still and think, open your mind and continue to fight. Quitting was never the solution but rather you, you are the solution. Happiness is within you, it's just that you’re still in the process of finding it. Put all your worries to God and maybe when the right time comes you will understand the reasons behind your pain.

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“You are as precious as a diamond, go shine!”

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They say life is a gift from God. Therefore, life is too short. Allow yourself to be free, love every minute or second of it. Spend it with your loved ones, with your family. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies, however, learn to see the positive in every negative, and with that maybe, life would give you signs to the path of happiness. Your life is much more precious and fragile than a diamond, so take care of it and so when the time God asks it back, you could hand it wholeheartedly while reminiscing those precious moments.

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Along the way you will meet a lot of people or obstacles that will bring you down, that will make you question your worth, furthermore lose your faith in yourself, in people, in God, and when that happens always remember that you are brave for fighting every silent battle and every demon you are facing. Don’t let anyone make you question your worth because they don’t know every blood and tear you shed to be someone you dream of, only you and the people who love you know that. So in case, anyone has not said it yet I am proud of you so much!

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it’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to feel pain, it’s okay to get tired, it’s all okay. No one is perfect after all and there is no need to be perfect, same goes for this life as it is always full of obstacles but those obstacles are what makes us better right? obstacles are affiliated with lessons that will help us become a better person who respects and protects life. A better person not only for ourselves but for our loved ones too.

If it feels too much, please rest and don’t force something to come hurriedly as it will come in the right time of God. I know it’s very easy to say these words and it’s very hard to prove and apply it to yourself but that’s life right? The first step towards change is always the hardest. but once you take your first step and make adjustments, things will get easier from then on, so don’t rush it, God has perfect plans for you.

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I am thankful for my experiences because without them I would not be able to find him and love myself or the people around me. I would have been a child who’s full of hatred but God bestowed me a chance to my 2nd life, a life where I can be compassionate, a life where I can love me, my family, my friends, and him unconditionally. A life where I can inspire people with my own story.

Trust our God for he aims betterment, let him love you.