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Select a passage that resonates with you and relate it to your practice.

“Impactful relationship is a term we coined for adult relationships that can positively “impact” a student’s academic success, social awareness, self-awareness, decision making, relationship skills, and self-management skills. These relationships result in the student having great respect for a person and valuing this person’s opinions and advice.” This passage really stood out to me because it revolves around preparing our students to be well-rounded, confident, empathetic and caring adults. My mission in my school counseling program is make every student feel seen, heard and valued. SEL is based on this concept. I practice this through demonstrating. I spend a lot of time in the hallways during passing time. I also hold the door open for my students as they enter my classroom and welcome them all with a good morning or hello, good to see you! I am fortunate to be able to have lunch duty every 3rd week and I make a conscious effort to have conversations with lunch tables and I assist students through the line when needed. I have been making a conscious effort to check in on students after significant events have happened and I find the best way to “check in” is in the hallway, (more discreet and allows them to know to stop by my office, without having me pull them from the classroom.)

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I know I am guilty of using the “stop that now” approach sometimes.  As I reflect on this technique, I find that I use this when the conflict happens during a transition period.  I am often trying to move from one activity to another and when students approach me for help, I intervene and just tell the students to stop whatever they are doing or I might say, “tell ____ that you are sorry”.  I can see how using this technique is not beneficial to helping my students develop needed SEL skills.  I think one way I can handle this differently is to address the situation with the students involved and say “we will talk about this _____”.  Because I find myself using this strategy when I am crunched for time, I need to come back to the conflict and work through the situation at a point in the day where I have adequate time to put into finding out what happened and guiding the students to a solution.  When I take the time to resolve the conflict instead of just ending it, I can see benefits for my students in many of the SEL skill areas.  Some of the skills I recognize that students can develop include:*developing an understanding of their reasons for doing things (self-awareness)*seeking out help and learning to control their own behavior (self-management)  *looking at a situation from another’s point of view (social awareness)

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I have noticed that some of my 8th grade students understand sarcasm and some do not. I love to use sarcasm as a way to cope with behaviors but I know that it isn't necessarily applicable for all students. Some students do not get the irony behind my words which causes them frustration or confusion. I have built great relationships with students by using humor, but need to keep sarcasm into consideration when talking to them. I also know that some of my non-english speaking students struggle with understanding even humorous things, so it is best for me to just be straight forward when talking with students about behavior so they can fully understand me.

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There have been moments in the midst of teaching where I recognize I have asked a student to stop doing something to maintain the pace of the lesson. When I look reflect on my response, I remember my goal is to always respond to students with compassion and empathy. This past week we completed school testing and I had a student having a challenging time and he ran from the classroom. I knew he was overwhelmed and having a difficult time with testing. We paused the test, took a break, had a conversation, and resumed testing at a later time when he felt in a calm state.

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Strategies and routines for classroom management and SEL:
When we have indoor admission, after my students unpack, I give them time to talk with each other. They know that if they keep the volume low, I won't say anything. As they come in I always say good morning to each one of them with their name. A minute to arrive is a good way to start and asking if anyone wants to share why they are feeling the way they indicated. A good routine is to keep routine. My students don't like when we are out of routine. If something in our schedule changes, I address it in Morning Meeting. I tell them I want to talk to them about the way the day is going to go and ask if they have any questions. If students have been great on time on task, and I need a little break, I will let them do fun activities on their computer or put on Go Noodle. I get a little breather and they think I'm the greatest teacher because they got to do something fun. I also let them do a lot of turn and talks. I know they will address the assignment but then they talk about something they like.

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In lessons, I see humor as a way to keep the students engaged and having fun with their learning.  Telling jokes or seeing your teacher being silly is something that everyone can understand and process.  I think that sarcasm is kind of like being funny, but at the expense of whoever you’re talking to.  When we’re teaching, we should avoid sarcasm altogether because, 1) it’s not modeling being respectful even though we’re expecting our students to be kind, and 2) a lot of my students don’t understand it and would think that a person is being serious. I think my 2nd graders understanding sarcasm is comparable to how well Amelia Bedelia interprets idioms.

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One of the things mentioned in the ninth measure to develop positive relationships with students on page 52 is about being flexible on deadlines when possible. In my first year of teaching, I took off 20% automatically on late work because that is what other teachers on my team did.

I pretty quickly realized that I hated that policy. So in my second year, I took it down to 10% off, but that still didn’t feel right to me. This year, I do not deduct late points. I explain to kids that I understand that they are more than just my student, so I understand that sometimes they have more going on than just getting homework done.

Still, many of my students are not highly motivated students. Sometimes, I will have less than half of my students in certain classes submit their work on time. It can be frustrating to give so much grace and end up getting more work for myself as late work trickles in over several weeks.

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I enjoyed reading about the Nine Measures to Develop Positive Relationships with Students. In this section, the author includes quite an extensive list of ways to establish a positive relationship with all of your students. I agree with the author, relationships with students are vital in the classroom. With a positive relationship and community students are more likely to feel safe in the classroom. When they feel safe, they are more likely to share with you what is happening in their lives. They are also more likely to come to you for help when they need it. While I cannot check off every item on the list, I have done a great amount of them in my own classroom. I believe that it is absolutely essential that expectations are clear and consistent in the classroom. This not only builds a meaningful relationship, it also establishes a routine for all students. I think it is also important to treat all students equitably. All students want to be heard and they want to know that they are doing well, but some may not be as forthright as others. It is important to check-in with each student and give each student opportunities to shine and grow in the classroom. One more that resonated with me was telling students they have the ability to do well. They need to hear this. They need to know that someone can see the best in them and that they can perform even when a task is challenging.

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For students lacking “social awareness” in my classes, I always try to have my students switch up their partners and small group members often so no one feels excluded. I also shut down any mean or rude comments immediately. If I hear a student say something mean to another student, I have them say three nice things to that student in Spanish. 

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For students lacking “social awareness” in my classes, I always try to have my students switch up their partners and small group members often so no one feels excluded. I also shut down any mean or rude comments immediately. If I hear a student say something mean to another student, I have them say three nice things to that student in Spanish. 

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In regards to "stop that and go to the office,", I think this situation happens for a couple of different reasons.  Sometimes situations might be so heated that students just need to be taken out of the environment.  Whenever possible, resolution of the problem should happen in a timely manner - right away if possible.  Sometimes students are not in a safe zone of regulation though, and just need to be away from each other.  After calming down, the conflict should be resolved.  Another reason why conflicts might be ended this way is when teachers are burnt out.  There might be times when teachers feel they are simply “over it” and choose to end a conflict instead of resolving it.  Obviously this isn’t okay, but I think teachers should be given grace and a lesson instead of a reprimand.  Teachers need the tools and strategies to resolve instead of end whenever possible.  I did appreciate the included script with example ideas for resolving conflicts.  I specifically liked the bit about making sure participants understood each other's concerns.  Instead of the tunnel vision of focusing on what they want, they know have to divert energy towards empathy.

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As a preschool teacher, I have my fair share of challenging behaviors in my classroom. It is sometimes hard not to take the behavior personally, as the student is usually trying to communicate something in the only way they know how. The Nine Measures to Develop Positive Relationships with Students was such a good refresher for how to create a connection with those students who may be a little more challenging to deal with at times.

The measure that I want to try to focus on the most is communicating positive expectations. Sometimes, it's a rush to get all the kids in and get everyone settled, so it's difficult to greet each student when they come in. I have been sitting in the doorway at the beginning of class so that I can make sure I can catch each student and greet them and build those connections right at the beginning of the day. I have found that my students who have challenging behaviors tend to have fewer behaviors when I am able to connect with them for five minutes at the beginning of the day.