# data[].attributes.headline
Content, tools and questions covered in our course (content)

# data[].attributes.subject
Content, tools and questions covered in our course (content)

# data[].attributes.body
1. Favourite activity and motivation to take the course

2. Getting to know other participants

3. Content, tools and questions covered in our course

4. Q&A

# data[].attributes.body
to meet and connect with other facilitators of learning,

to create a sense of belonging to a community of learners, and

to give an opportunity to start building partnerships or a network.

# data[].attributes.body
Questions we discussed:

1. If you're supporting learners from a distance, share how you are currently doing it.

2. Are the learners' needs different when the support is given mainly online? How are they different?

3. Share ideas and recommendations to organise learners support from a distance.

# data[].attributes.body
Documentation of breakout group discussions (on padlet)

# data[].attributes.body
Documentation of breakout group discussions (on padlet)

# data[].attributes.body
21.12.2020 Content, tools and questions covered in our course

13.01.2021 Facilitating Learning from a distance

27.01.2021 Surviving Difficult Conversations

# data[].attributes.body
"Developmental Relationships. Helping Young People Be and Become Their Best Selves" - a very interesting framework for mentoring kids with a lot of tools and resources. See also their website

# data[].attributes.body
Questions we discussed:

1. What are, generally, the reasons behind difficult conversations with young people?

2. How do you normally approach difficult conversations? What works? What doesn't?

3. What could you do to improve your approach?

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.provider_name
Wordwall - Create better lessons quicker

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
What's the best thing you've got going on in your life at the moment?, What incredibly common thing have you never done?, What food do you love that a lot of people might find a little odd?, What was the funniest thing you've seen recently online?, What are some of your favorite games to play?, What takes a lot of time but is totally worth it?, What website or app doesn't exist, but you really wish it did?, What's your favorite type of day? (weather, temp, etc.), What are some of your favorite holiday traditions that you did while growing up?, When someone finds out what you do, or where you are from, what question do they always ask you?, Are you more productive at night or in the morning? Do you think it's possible to change and get used to another schedule?, What scene in a movie always gives you goosebumps every time you watch it?, What topic could you give a 20-minute presentation on without any preparation?, What's something that a lot of people are missing out on because they don't know about it?, What are some of your guilty pleasures?, Who is the most interesting person you've met and talked with?, What has really taken a toll on you?, How did you spend the money from your very first job?, What do you wish someone taught you a long time ago?, Do you think you rely too heavily on your phone? Why or why not?, How could carousels be spiced up so they are more exciting?, What subjects should be taught in school but aren't?, What songs would be played on a loop in hell?, What kind of challenges are you facing these days?, What do you highly recommend to most people you meet?, Do you think you have a pretty good work-life balance? Why or why not?, What does your perfect breakfast look like?.

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
What's the best thing you've got going on in your life at the moment?, What incredibly common thing have you never done?, What food do you love that a lot of people might find a little odd?, What was the funniest thing you've seen recently online?, What are some of your favorite games to play?, What takes a lot of time but is totally worth it?, What website or app doesn't exist, but you really wish it did?, What's your favorite type of day?

# data[].attributes.body
Documentation of breakout group discussion (on padlet)

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.readable_text
Image: Aleksandar Popovski via unsplash.com

Interpersonal conflicts offer great opportunities for learning and innovation. To use the potential of conflicts we need to understand them: analysing their roots and dynamics as well as our own responses to conflict situations helps us to understand and resolve interpersonal conflicts in a constructive way.
Understanding Interpersonal Conflicts

Conflicts in everyday life

Conflicts are a part of our everyday life: they are unavoidable and recurring. People mostly experience conflicts as a burden, as something disturbing or even threatening.

Conflicts may cause anger and aggression; they lead to stress, despair and hopelessness. As they cost individuals, groups as well as institutions, power and energy, they are not constructive and not economical. This is the reason why partners are particular keen about getting rid of the conflict, do not let the conflict escalate, to suppress it, to oversee it, to avoid it, etc...

„People expect interpersonal contact to be without conflicts ... If conflicts appear, they are unwanted, they are a burden for interpersonal relationships and personal feelings."
Alexander Thomas 1995:24

On the other hand, conflicts offer great opportunities for learning and innovation. If the partners manage to set free the enormous potential of the inherent tensions of the conflict, it can be used constructively for the development and realisation of creative ideas. A conflict may become an impulse for the personal growth of both partners involved and their interactions.

Conflicts in intercultural contacts

The central aspect of intercultural encounters is mutual learning from one another, discovering similarities and differences and being willing to understand them. Within the intercultural contact one can find unlimited possibilities of experiencing oneself and others, and conflicts are as common as in relationships of our everyday life. Here as well, conflicts can be either avoided and 'somehow' solved, or used constructively for the benefit of the intercultural encounter.

People with different cultural backgrounds have different opinions on what is a conflict, how conflicts arise, how to handle and resolve them. They have different ways of perceiving a conflict and acting in a conflict. Each cultural system consists of special rules how to deal with conflicts. They allow picking up certain behaviour and forbidding other.Analysing and resolving cultural conflicts give an opportunity to reflect on and question one's own and others' ways of dealing with conflicts. On this basis, a common conflict culture could be developed.

Resolving culturally defined conflicts in intercultural encounters aims at the following aspects:

to reduce psychological and emotional stress,

to recognise cultural similarities and differences and their (in-)compatibility,

to reveal the influence of one's own and others' cultural orientation systems,

to avoid culturalised perception, to discover the individual behind the culture,

to reduce the development of prejudices and stereotypes,

to discover causes and backgrounds of a conflict,

to experience one's own and others' reactions towards conflicts,

to develop a common, interculturally suitable culture of arguing and dealing with conflicts.

(compare Thomas 1995:38)

Causes and backgrounds of conflicts

In a conflict, two or more people are trying to follow contradictory or incompatible intentions. This is where different interest-, need-, fear- and value-directed forces meet. Such differences are experienced as incompatible and limit each others space of carrying out an action.In an intercultural conflict it becomes clear, that differences in behaviours are based on the cultural backgrounds and that they will effect the process of the conflict and its resolution (Liebe 1996:9).

Conflicts in intercultural encounters will not occur, if the partners are not interested in one another (and do not know what to do together) or if a (sub-)group dominates the other one.

Components of a conflict

Conflict components are the assumptions, the specific conflict situation and the frame conditions:

Personal assumptions, i.e. attitudes, values, behaviour, needs, fears, ideals, aims,

Conflict situation, i.e. the conflict partners and the content of the conflict,

Frame conditions, i.e. the context, the encounter, structures, social and cultural rules.

In order to understand a conflict better, a useful instrument is a spider web analysis (see Faller et al 1996:46f). It focuses on three aspects:

Who is involved in the conflict (individuals, groups)?</li>

What are they doing?

What are their intentions? Interests? Needs?

Spider Web Analysis - Mind-Map: Michael Kimmig

A spider web analysis helps clarifying, who is doing what and with what intention. It is like a mind-map with the conflict in the middle as a starting point. The first branches from the middle are the individuals and groups who are (actively and passively) involved in the conflict. For each of these individuals you describe what they are doing and communicating. Then, from there, for each behaviour you try to identify intentions, interests or needs of this person or group. In the process of doing a spider web analyses you gain a broader and deeper understanding of the conflict and conflict dynamics. And usually, you get already first ideas on how to solve it.

Escalation of conflicts

In some models for conflict resolution a conflict is described in its process dimension. Because each conflict has its own history, the process and development cannot be anticipated. Glasl (1980) and his colleagues worked on the mechanisms, that cause a qualitative change in the conflict. They discovered that the dynamics of a conflict tend to an escalation.

Glasl model of conflict escalation differentiates between nine levels of escalation. Escalation is seen as a downward movement, where conflict parties get pulled into a conflict dynamic with a negative downward spiral that leads over a series of stairs and falls. Conflict parties may stay in one phase for a while, before falling down to a further level of escalation. As the level of escalation increases, it is more and more difficult to come to a resolution of the conflict without an intervening or mediating party.

Source: Friedrich Glasl (1997)

The escalation of conflicts pass three levels. While during the first three stages win-win solutions can be achieved either with self-help or facilitation from outside, in the second three stages both parties often reach a win-loose situation that can be resolved only with mediation. The last three stages are considered as loose-loose situations, that need forced intervention from outside.

Styles of response towards conflicts

Individuals and groups respond in many ways to a conflict: by ignoring, keeping quiet, harmonising but also reacting aggressively, retaliating and destruction. To resolve conflicts however, they need to be made open and dealt with.

Blake & Mouton (1970, Thomas 1995:28) describe five typical responses towards conflicts, according to their focus on the relations and/or on the task / issues:

The avoiding strategy suggests that the issue and the relationships are not sufficiently important to work on. The responses could be: walking out, ignoring, distracting, joking, changing the subject, etc.

In the surrendering strategy the relationship is more important then the issue. Responses could be: agreeing, apologising, giving in, etc.

The 'Fighting it out' strategy stands for the importance of the issue and achieving a result. The relationship is less or not important. Responses could be: physical/ psychological attack, arguing, threatening, drawing lines (e.g. 'I'm right - you're wrong' or 'I'm good - you're bad'), etc. criticism, put-downs,

The compromise strategy suggests attributing moderate importance to both, the issue and the relationship. Responses could be: limiting time/ energy, identifying the issue easily, low feelings, 'win a bit - lose a bit' attitude, etc.

The problem solving strategy means that relationship and issues are important and both worth working on. Responses could be: faith in win-win solutions, hope that wants can be reconciled, etc.

This model suggests that a strong orientation towards both the task and the relationships is the most suitable strategy for conflict resolution. This is not the case. The context of a conflict gives an orientation, „in which the involved individuals can find out, what is 'suitable' or 'right' in that moment." (Thomas 1995:30) Each behaviour has its own advantages and disadvantages. Not in every situation is it useful to reveal a conflict. Sometimes a strategy of fighting it out is needed, etc.

Resolving Interpersonal Conflicts

Two sisters argue about an orange as both would like to have it. They finally agree to split the orange in halves. One eats the inside and throws the skin away. The other throws away the inner part and uses the skin for baking a cake. (see Besemer 1993:25)

Compromises often hinder the chance to view conflicts as a crystal point for changes. Ideally the two sisters could both receive a better result. The example of the orange shows the optimistic basis of resolving conflicts constructively, a win-win situation, from which both partners could gain the most out of.

Destructive and constructive conflict resolution

The basic idea is to move from a destructive situation to a common resolution of the conflict. While destructive ways of dealing with a conflict are based on power and legal positions to force through one's own will, constructive conflict resolution is based on clarifying and balancing interests and needs (see Ropers 1995:65)

Steps towards conflict resolution

The aims of conflict resolution are:

to enable people to address the problem and create suitable solutions,

to allow people to recognise and express their feelings.

Some problems will not be fully solvable, but exploring the feelings and recognising the constraints involved is essential.

A conflict resolution follows the stages below:

Step 1: Defining the conflict

Step 2: Clarifying the background of the conflict

Step 3: Creating Options

Step 4: Making an agreement and setting goals
Step 1: Defining the conflict What happened? or What is the conflict about?
It's important to avoid drawing lines and creating an 'us and them' situation. The definition must be acceptable to all involved. The aim of this stage is to see the problem as separate from the people concerned - people with a difficulty rather than difficult people.
Step 2: Clarifying the background of the conflict What are the backgrounds, the underlying interests, the needs?
The aim is to recognise and accept one's own point of view and gain some understanding of the other person's. Expressing feelings is very important here. In most conflicts the relationships between the people concerned are generally at least as important as the issues at stake.
Step 3: Creating Options What would we like to happen?
The suggestions are not judged for practicality at this stage; the aim is to give an indication of the direction in which a constructive solution might lie. Try to find a 'win-win' solution to a problem.
Step 4: Making an agreement and setting goals What could we do?
The choices are made by referring to both, the feelings and needs expressed in stage two, and to the suggestions from stage three. They should be small steps which will not make a too great demand on either party, but, followed in sequence, will gradually dispel mistrust and bring about a degree of co-operation. It may help to set a timetable or a meeting to evaluate progress.

What, if you are personally involved in the conflict? - If you are personally involved and if there is no third party to mediate, the following steps could be helpful for you:

Check what is happening,

Disengage, ask someone for support,

Create a safe space to talk,

Check what the other persons wants,

Describe your wants, feelings and the issue as you saw it at the time of the conflict,

Listen actively to the descriptions of the other person,

Discuss options and choose the best you both agree on.

Literature

Besemer, Christoph (1993): Mediation. Vermittlung in Konflikten; Stiftung Gewaltfreies Leben, Königsfeld

Faller, K., Kerntke, W. & Wackmann, M. (1996): Konflikte selber lösen. Mediation für Schule und Jugendarbeit. Das Streit-Schlichter-Programm; Verl. an der Ruhr, Mühlheim

Glasl, Friedrich (1990): Konfliktmanagement; Haupt Verl., Stuttgart

Glasl, Friedrich (1997): Konfliktmanagement. Ein Handbuch zur Diagnose und Behandlung von Konflikten für Organisationen und ihre Berater, 5. erweiterte Auflage, Bern: Paul Haupt Verlag

Liebe, Frank (1996): Interkulturelle Mediation - eine schwierige Vermittlung. Eine empirisch-analytische Annäherung zur Bedeutung von kulturellen Unterschieden; (Berghof Report Nr. 2); Albdruck, Berlin

Thomas, Alexander (1995): Analyse kulturbedingter Konflikte in der internationalen Jugendbegegnung; in: Thomas-Morus Akademie/transfer e.V. (Hrsg.): Vom Kulturkonflikt zur Konfliktkultur (Fachtagung IV des Forscher-Praktiker-Dialogs zur internationalen Jugendbegegnung 21. - 23.11.1995); S. 24 - 42
Source: This blogpost is an updated version of an article published in: Kimmig, Michael: Co-ordinating together. A training manual; Service Civil International, Poznan, 2000

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.title
Understanding and Resolving Interpersonal Conflicts - michael kimmig

# data[].attributes.attachment_link.description
Interpersonal conflicts offer great opportunities for learning and innovation. To use the potential of conflicts we need to understand them: analysing their roots and dynamics as well as our own responses to conflict situations helps us to understand and resolve interpersonal conflicts in a constructive way.

# data[].attributes.body
“A ritual is a sequence of activities involving gestures, words, and objects, performed in a sequestered place, and performed according to set sequence.”
Merriam Webster Dictionairy

# data[].attributes.body
Emotion
Gratitude
Community