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I really enjoyed your PQP response because it was different from the kind of response I did, and it focused more on the ‘Can-Do’s’ which could be more beneficial for some students because it is more positively focused.

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Hey! I also did the golden line on another Padlet, so I enjoyed seeing how you implemented it into feedback for this response! I also really liked your reasoning why you chose your golden line, as it gave me an insight into your thought process of choosing the line you did! I also like that golden lines keep the feedback positive, as students get a lot of negative feedback throughout the day! If you were to actually give golden line feedback to students, how else may you work to improve the rest of their writing piece as well?

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Emma, I liked your question here. I agree that when a writer uses more descriptive words rather than just the object itself it adds more life to a piece of writing and makes it more engaging to the reader.

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Praise: This shows great creativity in fictional writing and has great dialogue pieces. The imagery puts the reader in the moment and feels the mystery of the scene.

Question: Who is this Mr. O'Malley really? Will he be the villain? An accomplice? Is this setting him up for a bigger role in the story?

Polish: The spelling needs polishing. Many words were either missing letters or the grammar was incorrect. They did not impede the overall reading experience, but cleaning these up would make the story even better.

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Golden Line: "I heard a low growl & felt something brushed past me."

I think this is a golden line because this sentence was what made me feel the most as a reader; I got nervous about what the growl came from & what brushed past.

I think the Golden Line is an important way to praise student writing. Instead of only telling students what they need to improve on, they should also hear where they are succeeding. This will encourage the writer to continue to write & to continue using those methods that the teacher praised them for in the golden line.

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Capitalization: Since we changed the second sentence into two separate sentence we should capatilize The.
Since we are changing the ... to ? we need to capitalize the As.

Organization: Add the word carefully in between the words I and turned in the first sentence and omit the third sentence.

Punctuation: Remove the semi-colon in the second sentence, and make it a period. Instead of the ... change them to question marks.
Add a comma and another quotation mark after the word is before said Mr.O'Malley. Add a comma after the word said and before the "I know."

Spelling: I would probably just highlight these words and let the students find the correct spelling, but the words I found that were incorrect were:
Open should be opened.
Easy should be easily.
Suspicious is spelled wrong.
It should be "should have" instead of "should of."
"Brushed" should be "brush."
In the last sentence, had should be have.

I think this will provide positive feedback for my students because it breaks down all of the issues into four categories. I think this is a good way to recognize everything that is missing without it becoming overwhelming for the student. They will be able to make their corrections more easily by breaking it down into the four categories and focusing on one at a time. It might also make it easier for me to give students feedback without doing the work for them.

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Golden Line: "I couldn't even see my own hand on the doorknob. I heard a low growl and felt something brushed past me."

In chapter 7, Gallagher says “When responding to student papers, I start by examining what good writers do” (Gallagher, p. 144). These sentences, while not structurally or grammatically perfect, are some of the most descriptive of the piece. It gives the reader an ominous feeling and helps the reader visualize what is happening because it contains details about what the narrator sees, feels and hears. This adds more detail and shows the readers what is happening rather than telling them.

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Praise: I liked the amount of detail put into this paragraph. I thought that it allowed the reader to easily imagine a scene of the writing.
Question: Could you try to use other words for door/doorknob so it isn't repetitive? Use the description to help with repeating words? (such as shiny, cold metal; old, wooden access; etc.)
Polish: There are a few grammar mistakes that need to be fixed. For instance, the first sentence: opened and easily; the second sentence: should have; the third sentence: pushing. Make sure there are quotations at the beginning and end of the expressions.

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In this Padlet, we would like you to look at one of the prompts and use one of the strategies below to edit or craft the prompts given. Explain your corrections, why it is important and how it will provide positive feedback for your students to become stronger writers. Some of the writing strategies to highlight can be: PQP response, COPS response and the Golden Line method. Refer back to the google slides for information about these.

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When I turned the doorknob, it open easy. I was immediately spicious; the door should of been locked on a weekend at midnight. I was carefully push the door open. It was pitch black inside. I couldn’t even see my own hand on the doorknob. I heard a low growl and felt something brushed past me. What was it? A tiger…a lion…a wild beast? “There he is said Mr. O’Malley, owner of the building. “Come on, Butchy,” he called to the dog. “Time to go home.” Mr. O’Malley looked at me for a moment. Then he said “I know, I know. I shouldn’t had left the door open. I came back to lock it –– and to find Butchy.”