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Well well welp. First class and I might actually get some Godly motivation, just like that assignment I got back in the second semester for grade 12....that was due at the end of the semester. I worked on that project for the first 2 weeks instead of working on the upcoming due date of our first assignment. ANYWAYS! Motivatiiiooonnn; Was what this class was all about. If we're talking about a fun topic I am all in. ESPECIALLY if everyone else is in on it too. One thing I love talking about is myself! And I promise it is not a narcissistic thing, I just want to know and learn everything there is to know about me: both good and bad, strengths and weaknesses, why I DO NOT LIKE FOOD AND ONLY PASTA SINCE I WAS AN INFANT. I probably will never discover that answer but HEY! It's good to ask questions, questions = growth. AAaaaannnndd yeah that's kinda all I have. I'm still very into Epic: The Musical (LISTEN TO IIIIITTT) and the song's are in a constant loop in my mind. My mind is my greatest free Spotify playlist. Right btw I'm listening to what you're saying to add about motivation and the second most amazing experience where my motivation was on a constant burn for 1 whole week was because of a dream, and then I went on an app called Campfire and then just- wrote all the characters and story OF the characters and how they all met and stuff. Sooo.... Yeah it was great. I don't actually like writing the story, I mostly just like to imagine the scenes in animation, so ideally I would animate the scenes but that is waaaayyy to much time and practice for me (For now at least).

To end this here, here's the detail of the dream and story: "Crazy sweet dream where I think maybe based on reality?? This one asian girl drew like- 10 pony tail blue haired girls with yellow eyes and then my mind went “Ok they now 10 family members in a mafia and theres this academy in which the brothers sisters and cousins all go too, and they the craziest out of the other 3 families that run the academy. Fluffy bunny-like girl is super sweet and got put in da “Maroon” family, blue boy with blond hair (has a twin too) started having a crush on this sweet sweet oblivious and kind girl."

aight all done

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Hi so starting to write this intro bc I think there's a very tiny spider hanging from the ceiling at the second front row desk. It be swinging back n fort for a while now. hehe. teeny tiny.

dang it is super dark outside.....adventure time! I am going to get ice cream at Mizzica Gelateria & Cafe. BEST ICE CREAM PLACE!!! It tastes like actual creamy ice cream it's amazing, italian food made by italians are always 10 times better than anything else. The espresso ice cream is my favourite; actually if you go to google maps and scroll through the images and stuff I guarantee you will see my post (very first one on google maps).

Very excited for our other assignment other than this one! ART IS MY OPTION- I got so worried and drained just reading the first one but the SECOND ONE?? Remined me of my grade 12 creations, I was at my PEAK back then. Time to think of my inspiration and medium, paint or simple pencil/pen, comic book or just one portrait/landscape etc etc.

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Alright I re-checked again the main topic that I'm supposed to do for this assignment and RIGHT! Open-ended questions! Affirmations! Etc! Stuff about therapy! .........yeeeaaahhh about that- ok before speaking my true thoughts I will share my personal experience with these techniques with an ex-friend of mine back in 10th grade: Most of my experience with using these techniques was through discord, because wow I am an absolute poet when i'm behind the screen, writing out motivational paragraphs, encouragement, affirmations of my friend's "growth" that they did! But in person!...I sucked- I mastered texting to the point where talking irl made me stutter and made my brain go blank. I legit couldn't form a single coherent sentence to help boost my friend up when they were having a particular bad day. Anyhow, I didn't use any actual examples, more like can't (blocked them and deleted their contact) there was one quote I remembered that I gave to them: "Life is a coin and everyday is a coin flip, sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad" I'm not sure if I worded it like that, but that sentence did stick with me till today so. ....Ok I promise I actually did use open-ended questions and everything else listed please believe me even if I have no evidence-

Ok I have nothing else to add yeyeyey oke done.

WAIIIT I REMEMBER!! My true thoughts about the therapy approaches and how to speak to a client: ever since last semester's course, my only thought was "if you're good at drama and like acting, you'd ace being a therapist". No seriously, if all you ask of me is to say specific sentences or questions etc, I will just turn into the perfect character whose role is to play the Therapist. I mean that's literally what I did in my role play assignment last semester. Ok that's all I wanted to get off my chest......except I just remembered another thing; I don't particularly believe in "the client knows best", I agree that the client will know their story best and the problems, and yes I will help them solve their problems they would like to focus on, but if I want to actually help them, I am not letting myself let them only care about their surface level problem I will try to guide them to take out their root they personally grew, out of trauma. I want to help them, and if they come to me then after they reach their limit, when they reached the end of what they know best of their story, that's when I'll step in and make sure I teach them carefully how to navigate their life on their rocky road....or maybe I just have a saviour's complex. Eh. Now i'm done getting everything off my chest. see ya next week!

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Hi. I am beyond tired today, I will blame my insomnia yesterday waking me up at 9am (bc I gave up) i needed more sleeeeeep- and today I wake up at 7am with snoozes but eeuueueueuueueuueue. Anyhow- Tried to remember what I wanted to talk more about my last point and that is, I don't like how scripted everything is. Like sure I can agree with the basics of what to say but like- ugh.

I REMEMBER A PROJECT THATS COMING UP I AM SO GLAD THERE IS AN ART PROJECT- wow i am incredibly brain slurpy rn. Will think about something later but yeyeyey. This will prob be a very short update.

We ended up just talking about tea during the discussion lololol.

Huh- nvm the end of the class got really interesting, mostly cause we were talking about trauma and mindful vs mind full, our different experiences etc. It was really fun -w-

Also the whole "hear about trauma and make it your own" is such a real thing. And you sometimes do it unconsciously too! Happened to me when I thought I had all sorts of mental illnesses but all I needed was a 1-2 month break from my grade 10 friends to realize "No, I'm actually fine. Maybe on the spectrum but not mentally ill."

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MUSIIIIIC. No for real though listening to Disney music while working works so well for me. Like- sure it takes a bit more time but hEY! Motivation is at an all time high and I finish my work in the end and do a god job!

Daaaanngg- I wanted to sleep and probably could have, but now after a 20 min meditation relaxation I'm wide awake lolol. This usually happens after a small rest.

Muuuuusssiiiccc....and i ran out of things to say- oh right- my friken thROAT THAT JUST WON'T STOP BEING TICKLISH- I'm "sick", only symptom is coughing and das it- Ironically the last person in my family to get sick....even if they all got better 2 weeks ago- so either I got sick from something else or....delayed...i guess. Also mantra's don't really work at all for me, God has a plan for me and I prefer to be in reality when facing problems....even if i still avoid them slightly (more so coping). Anyways- i wanna go home TTwTT

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Bling bang bang bling bang bang bling bang bang born

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Bling bang bang bling bang bang bling bang bang born

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Wow, I forgot almost everything I did last week- mostly bc that week felt like an eternity. It was a great week tho! Got better, read manga watched anime, hung out with family.......on sunday! Ok I don't think I did much physically but I THINK I DID MUCH SPIRITUALLY! AND MENTALLY! AND EMOTIONALLY! I need to find an art thing I need to do for the art therapy.

Aight 3 things: Emotions feeling now, list what I'm grateful for and people I'm grateful for.

1. Neutral to happy ig, also tired. I'm usually a happy person so feeling peaceful- peaceful, yeah that's also a major emotion I feel daily. I am so glad I found God and am trying to reach his hand he has laid out for all of us from the moment we've been born.

2. I am grateful for everything, I mean- I have a home, good food on the table, a loving dysfunctional family, two parents who love me and my brother, music, my laptop and iPad and phone and any other device to play videogames etc.

3. Mami si tati, Toma (My lil bro), Jesus and God, My best friend since childhood, and my friend since elementary, whom we got re-connected.

This was for a mindfullness activity a group presented to us.

Dang we did a lot of them actually, drew Mash, Finn and Abel in chibi form on a piece of paper; also eyes, bunny, cream puff (sucuremu), Nabstablook and coffee jelly...I think- also r a i s i n. I now want raisins or chocolate raisins.

Why. WHY AND HOW DID I CHOKE TWO TIMES TODAY OVER NOTHING-.

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Creepy Nuts - Bling-Bang-Bang-Born (Lyrics)

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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY TDSB ACCOUNT I THOUGHT I SHARED ENOUGH BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FRRRRIIIIKKKK IM SO SAAAAAADDDDDDDDD I HAVE A SMALL POND RIPPLING BECAUSE OF THE STRONG WINDS INSIDE ME AND I HAD TO FRIKEN PRESENT MY ART THERAPY WHILE BEING SAD AAAAAAAAAAAAAÆEEEEEEEEEEE-

no I had so many slide shows and documents, wow. I am a hoarder of memories so this hits me hard. Wow.......I am- yeesh.

I was close to crying (slightly) during my art therapy presentation, or that shake in my voice was just the typical thing that happens when I talk a long while in front of a crowd. Also felt weird as to why that happens, I'm not nervous when talking to a crowd...Is what I tell myself, but it's not a lie. Maybe my physical body is far more detached from my emotions than I though.

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I thought it was something we were supposed to do during or after class no? And since one week we had family day what course content was I supposed to add to make this journal seem slightly professional?

Welp- I really don't want to BS my way through entries I do want genuine need to create an entry, guess I have to shorten them up, one fore personal life the other for school.

Anyways, new project! Time to bring out my acting skills mweheheheheheheh. Ima be the picture perfect counsellor like last semester, all bc of ACTING!!! *dramatic pose* I still wanna be a counsellor, I'm too complicated to be the client...also because I am my own counsellor- glad for my therapist but she's only helped me talk out my thoughts because most of my friends are busy. If I didn't have her all my thought and hyper-fixations would have been bottled up until they got rusty lolol.

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The nice pitch black void of nothingness pouring and flowing through a bottomless coffee cup. My first experience with depression was in 7th grade, ball of anxiety and sadness every day. Parents are those who only knew that "Depression is when you want to kahoot yourself and thats it"

Luckily in grade 8 I was able to heal myself....and naïve me thought that would be the end of it; I believed that quite intently to the point where it took me in grade 12 for me to realize that in grade 11 I wasn't doing that well mentally.

Fast forward and I realize I haven't left behind or healed from my trauma from highschool and brought it with me during my first year in college, so, apologies for not doing my best TwT

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....bro I barely do anything plz- how am I supposed to.....actually it might be easier than I thought but STILL-

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"I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAYY~

IVE BEEN COMPLIMENTEEDD,

DADADADADAD

IM EMBERAASSEEDD-

IN A GOOD WAYYY"

Complimented Jingle by Maia AB.

Wow, so I don't know how to respond to compliments???? Also yeeeaahhh im still the extrovert molded into an introvert due to lack of friends 🥲. Only have 2 friends now and they're both childhood friends, and im still as awkward as every making new friends even though my "presentation mode" is screaming to everyone "HEY GUYS IM VERY FRIENDLY AND PASSIONATE! HOPE I MADE YA'LL LAUGH :D". So i think I need that one friend that will just not leave me alone and continues to badger me with hangouts bc I will always say yes, bc ik its good for me and that it'll be fun. But, obv, that maybe wont happen. "So then why dont I become that friend then?" haha....nope- too comfortable on my time alone, luckily not so alone anymore. God is always with me :D.

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Acceptance! The thing I learned in 8th grade! And what helped me heal from my grade 7 depression! Dang- I mean I knew it was an actual thing but now im actually learning of the thing. At least what I self-learned was the "accept everything" and not detailed as to what the everything is.

HAHAAAA- yeah sry the leaves floating by- dont want to do that, there are too many precious thoughts that bring me joy, too many scenarios that helped me get where I am today so I cannot let them go, I will make them and draw them so they can be apart of this reality as well. They won't go away, I will always think constantly, 24/7, and it's never a bother, as it is a constant movie to me and to God.

So I think I misunderstood- yeah i definitely misunderstood.

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Mămăligă - Wikipedia.   I like mamaliga, taste really good with cottage cheese and sour cream. 

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Yeah so for my other course, Family thingy, I didn't know that we didn't have class soooooo I had a free classroom to myself >:D ........for about 5 minutes! somebody else came and then we both chilled in silence until my next course was upon me.

Anyways- I am surprisingly ok! Like- when i'm tired that usually makes me go all limp and slushy and all mamaliga. But ever since I got closer to God...wow.. The change is so evident it's amazing. The peace I feel now is sooooooo different to the peacefulness I felt in the past. Everything is ok. I completely believe that. Sure it's not all perfect, I stumble and continue to indulge in sin, and yet, my little effort of being vulnerable towards God, helped him move mountains for me. Thank you God for this peace I feel for the past week and forward. ^v^

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Went and got tested and yeah- I do indeed have ADHD. What a shocker ik

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So i have not focused at all of this class and da lesson, instead I read My Giant Nerd Boyfriend and its legit just like the title, girl draws comic scripts of her life with her tall long legged boyfriend. Its great and entertaining!......Now for da lesson- DBT.....................................................................................................................................................Why are there so many acronyms. Anyways- I...will prob read through it next week or when it's brought up again ig.

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IM BACK TO MY HAIKYUU FAZE YEYEYYEYE!!! MY BOYYYYSSS AND THEIR OBSESSION WITH VOLLEYBALL!! NO BRAIN ONLY VOLLEYBALL!! THEY ALL DORKS ITS AMAZING!! BEST SPORTS ANIME!! No seriously, want an amazing sports anime with a VERY WELL written plot? With no "super power move", "unrealistic maneuver that no human could ever do"? Well LOOK NO FURTHER!!

Watch a bunch of high school boys who suck at everything, other than volleyball (like- 3 or 4 boys, everyone else is more normal), and watch their character development, their skill development, and your own development! As you grow to love one particular team, but then realize "oh no, THEY ARE ALL LOVABLE!!" So your mind is now plagued with with all these lovable idiots, and dorks alike, who have such a great ambition and passion for volleyball, that you can't help but cheer for everyone as you watch their matches! Don't have the low expectation that you won't get off your bed or couch just to jump and cheer for the main character and his team as they smash then volleyball into the other teams court!!

Ok I think I'm done with the advertisement but WATCH IT!! ITS ON NETFLIX! ALL FOUR SEASONS! Season 5, or the movie, isn't on Netflix unfortunately but EY! Illegal websites!

Anyways my favourite team is......ok it's very hard to pick a team they're all lovable but my favourite guy has to be Kita Shinsuke, second is Ushijima Wakatoshi, third is Kentaro Kyotani and forth is Kozume Kenma. As you can see, (When you watch or search them up) I have a type. More detailed: A guy who clearly been drowning in trauma is finally healing, or stoic lovable dork. HOWEVER! This is only towards fictional guys! Irl it's more so, "If I fall in love, I fall in love". Who knows who God will set me up and I can't wait!

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Dang- I only have 16 of these entires, not sure what else to add- oh ofc I'll add the lessons we're learning.

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I NEED AT LEAST TWENTY RIGHT?! YEESH- OK WE LEARNED ABOUT EXPOSURE THERAPY AT THE VERY END- In a nutshell; "face your fears". I do that, kinda- more so consequences, so technically not fears, those that I am afraid of I avoid at all cost (Ex. Scary movies). I am starting to get around scary games like FNAF (Five Nights at Freddy's [NOSTALGIAAAA]) and Poppy Play Time because of the stoorryyyyy. Also Scary mods people download on minecraft; people are so creative on minecraft it's amazing! But eh- like- that's it for fears, not really scared of anything else other than God telling me that he does not know me.

What else- RIGHT narrative therapy! ......Im looking over the slide and why wasnt i more focused on this?? Stories are my thing, I LOVE stories! bruh- Anyways, there was the case study where a girl believed she wasn't lovable due to circumstances and her situation, and like- everyone else gave such "professional" responses and mine was a simple "Every time she comes to therapy, I will learn her favourite drinks and snacks and slowly integrate them into our sessions to show that she is loved, by simply existing and coming into somebody's life". Which like- eueuueueuueueue I want to help people, but i'm not sure if this is borderline "saviour complex"....which probably is, at least on the mild side. Yeesh-

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These green candies and the Werther's Original caramel my goodness. The green candies are like- such good asian candies that I have been searching for my entire life, until I arrived at like- my fifth class?? of quantitive research method and he gave all of us some candy from a plastic container and the nostalgia hit bro. Those green candies that I got when I was in kindergarden day-care or the "After school" school. And today I got some caramel from the teacher before this class! Somehow my dad always had some on had growing up till like- 7-10 I think. I have three of each kind and ate on of each! :D

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yo i should re-watch some for da nostalgia

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So- Im still stuck in Haikyuu!! Best sports anime and my scenarios have never been more sharper to make realistic teenager events, bc I just loooved to dramatize literally everything in the past: Her parents? DEAD. Her father/mother is alive? ABUSIVE. Has extraordinary power? THE POWER DESTROYS EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE. In school? BULLIED EVERY SINGLE DAY.

This mindset was peak 12-14 year old thinking, also due to some influence on gacha life (A game where you create characters and you can make stop motion videos)...which was also a bunch of other 12-14 year olds creating short stories. Dang- some of them were amazing stories tho I must say.

Anyways- those were some of my inspiration towards my creativity of characters...until I grew up and started to try and make them more realistic.

My Haikyuu!! characters are as followed: Very first one was one that...kinda followed some traits from above: the bullied and dead mom, suicidal etc etc. The whole depressi expressi. Don't know if I want to change much of her story (I have attachment) but eh. Her name is Mairi Aoki. Next is the straight blond hair with green eyes who...also kinda has giant trauma. Listen I was still 14 and got sucked into romanticizing depression cause everyone else was doing that. Rich girl who has great father, mother left cause cheating, her dad brought up if she wanted to try a more rural school to try if she wants to continue the business or a more simple life, she chose rural and is now the manager of the Inarizaki volleyball group. Her name is Rini Kikuchi. My second newest are twins! Yukina and Yukito Mochizuki. Yukina constantly overthinks so she's good at math and also a chess master, her only match is Yukito who is great at composing music and patterns and flows etc. Both inspired by Snow White physical look. Last one (and the fairly new one) is Akiko Hiramatsu! I changed her entire backstory because I woke up and got tired of constant heavy trauma left and right and gave her a normal happy background: has dad and mom, dad owns and works at a chicken fast-food place (awesome chicken strips) mom works...idk yet- anyways- she has (maybe) older brother in uni, and since she was 5 her family got a german shepherd. She just a happy lad.

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I WAS THIS CLOSE TO FORGETTING TO END OFF THIS JOURNAL. Anyways- There's this reeeally good hot chocolate at Ossington at CAMH, best hot choco, 10/10. Also very good ice cream place like- two blocks away too!

Now random story time: there is this French Full cast Picture book that I have been searching for for childhood nostalgia and also the songs inside them. The story is top notch for a kids story and the MUSIIIC. I actually downloaded reddit to help me search for it.

I am trying to continue my walk with Christ, yes im aware to the complete jump of topic but wow, I feel the change. 2 weeks ago I felt the ginormous change within my spirit that I really have to say It was nothing like I have ever felt before, and I know I still feel it to this day; the peacefulness that only God can bless you with. Finally getting a bible tomorrow!

This year was...an ok year: first semester sucked for academic life but the amount I grew during the first semester was astonishing, I felt like 10 years has past last October to the beginning of November, that's how much I felt I grew as a person and mentally + emotionally. Now second semester I tried to do better, and I did! Not great but better. I'm still planning to get my bachelor degree, I still wish to be a psychologist/therapist; the best one out there if possible. Hopefully in the 3rd semester, I'll improve much more and do great in school! Happy Easter and hope you have an amazing summer!