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Lessons and concepts from Interpersonal Communication can literally be used to analyze any interaction that has ever taken place in the world, and even in a world that is not our own. In the movie " Black Panther" Kilmonger played by the actor Michael B. Jordan,  is the secret cousin of the King and technically an heir to the throne, and when he breaks his way into Wakanda he begins to cause a lot conflict. Some physical, but the power of his words when disputing multiple people are what we here to focus on. The importance of how to communicate during a conflict are highlighted throughout the movie, and can be used as a valuable lesson in your own relationships

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Destructive conflict patterns also known as the four horsemen of apocalypse. These patterns are almost guaranteed to wreak havoc on relationships. The four horsemen are criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling ⁽¹⁾. Criticism is described as an attack on a persons character ⁽²⁾. Instead of using, "I", statements someone would use statements that start with you. For example if saying, " You need to do better at taking care of your mother.",  would be criticizing. In response to this the person in attack could decide to become defensive. Defensiveness is a reaction that aims to protect one's presenting self by denying responsibility (3). So they my respond with, "Well I happen to think I'm doing a great job.". The next Horsemen is contempt. A contemptuous comment belittles and demeans (4). This could be someone calling another person ugly. It could even be a sarcastic comment such as, "Oh I thought you were supposed to be the smart one.". This is horsemen is also used when non-verbally communicating. Eye rolling or a disgusted facial expression would be considered contempt. The last pattern is stonewalling which one person in a relationship decides to completely withdraw from the conversation or shutting down dialogue ⁽⁵⁾. A person could either walk away or give off the energy that the person they are in a conflict with doesn't matter. The four horsemen of apocalypse can predict if newlyweds will divorce or not. In fact data suggests that 90 percent do end up divorcing ⁽⁶⁾. Understanding conflict patterns goes a long way in developing a healthy relationship.

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The first thing that pops out about this scene is how immediately disruptive Kilmonger is in this scene. He enters room tells them exactly what he his doing there and then directs his attention towards the king. He says, " I'm standing in your house, serving justice to a man who murdered your people and stole your vibranium. Justice your king couldn't deliver." (7). When looking at destructive conflict patterns it is clear that Kilmonger is trying to cause disruptive conflict with a lot of criticism. He criticizes the king saying I did something that you can't. Addressing him as king sends a direct you, "you" message. In response to this not only the does King T'challa becomes extremally alert, and defensive, but so does everyone in the room. They begin saying things like you don't belong and to leave because they looked at Kilmonger as a threat.

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The opposite of destructive conflict patterns would have to be constructive conflict skills. constructive conflict skills should be used when someone is trying to get a win-win situation ⁽⁸⁾. In order to reach this goal both parties involved in a conflict would need you use collaborative problem solving. Breaking this down in steps the first thing two people should is identify their problem. It is also smart to realize that a problem is only yours and no one else's ⁽⁹⁾. For example if you are trying to go to bed and your neighbor is throwing a party that is keeping you awake, that becomes your problem. The people in the party don't see it as a problem so before addressing them you should take a second to realize. that you are the one with the problem, or vice versa if someone were to approach you saying they have a problem. After taking that into consideration you should then try and figure out what needs are unmet ⁽¹⁰⁾. Using the party again as an example, identify why it is important for you to get sleep. Maybe you have work or school in the morning, but before approaching someone with a problem you should figure out what priority has been unmet. Once the problem has been identified you should try and make a date to talk about this issue. The reason making a date is so important is because approaching someone with a problem can put them into a defensive mindset, and that would be one of the four horsemen of apocalypse that we want to avoid. Instead approach the person that your problem is with and say something like, " Hey I feel like we got off on the wrong foot. I think we should find sometime to talk about what's going on.", would be an example of making a date, and this has a better chance of leading to a nice constructive conversation that is not going to cause any problems. At this stage once the agreed upon time has arrived you should then describe your problems and needs to the other person. Do this in a way that is respectful and not attacking. Avoid using criticism or contempt. The final step is then negotiating a solution to your problem⁽¹¹⁾. One where both parties are somewhat satisfied with the result. Using the party as an example one more time, a solid solution would be that the person throwing the party could agree to turn the music down to a volume that isn't as disruptive, or they could agree to have their guests quiet down some to. Using the steps of constructive criticism should help in gearing those tough conversations into a healthier spot with the least amount of stress as possible.

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In this scene Kilmonger is dying after being defeated in battle by King T'challa, also known as the Black Panther. Once the fight had ended the two decided to have a talk. Throughout the movie Kilmonger tells everyone his problem, but in the end he tells the King what needs of his have been unmet, and that was just being able to see Wakanda and how beautiful it is. This is the second step to the constructive conflict skills. The king then takes him to a spot where he can look over Wakanda which meets his needs. The king the offers a solution. He asks Kilmonger to stay in Wakanda because it his home, and his birthright to live there, and Kilmonger says that he would basically rather die then live in a place where people are blinded, and he then takes his own life. Although this solution is obviously a sad one it is still a solution to the problem at hand. The king simply honored Kilmongers request and the problem was then over.

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Even in the world of Wakanda people struggle to communicate effectively. If Killmonger would have arrived to Wakanda and used constructive skills instead of disruptive patterns his future may have been different. He began to use them at the end, but only as he was dying. This is why it is important to communicate effectively throughout a conflict. Obviously the situations may not come to this extreme, but knowing when to use destructive patters and constructive skills can make all the difference in the way a relationship grows and develops.

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1. (Adler p.395)
2. (Adler p.396)
3. (Adlerp.396)
4. (Adler p.396)
5. (Adler p.396)
6. (Adler p.396)
7. (Black Panther (2018))
8. (Adler p.402)
9. (Adler p.403)
10. (Adler p.404)
11. (Adler p.405)
Adler, R. B. (2014). Looking out looking in.
Black panther. (n.d.).